Latest / The REALationship Method / Strong Bonds, Birthdays, Anniversaries and Marriage with Tiffany

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Strong Bonds, Birthdays, Anniversaries and Marriage with Tiffany · The REALationship Method

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_03: Five four three two one.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: Mama ma'am.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method Podcast.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: It's your boy Chris.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: Today, um, she doesn't need any introduction.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you probably heard me talk about her on several podcast episodes.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: You've probably seen her on my page.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: She um you just know who she is.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I got my wife Tiff on this bitch.
• 0:39
  unknown: Yay!
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: How you doing?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: You are?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, um, recently um uh we went to a marriage um retreat thing.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it's called Strong Bonds.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: We also celebrated a birthday of hers, and we also celebrated our wedding anniversary.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: So we got a lot of things to catch up on.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um first and foremost, uh, how are you?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: And how is your mental health going?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing great.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds so generic.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm I'm okay.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um my mental health is it's like a roller coaster.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good one day and I'm not so good the next day, but then I'm like okay the other day.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, you know, I'll be coping.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be uh pushing through.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: Just like a soldier does.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: Just pushing rat.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: He's a marine.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: He's a marine.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: He's a marine.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you know, you know.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: If you know, you know.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: And then um we recently, well, several weeks back, we went to this um strong bonds marriage retreat thing.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um, how was that for you?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I like I like doing stuff like that.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um I we've done it before in Washington, but it wasn't as I guess lengthy this time.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: This go around, we actually got to fly to a different island and stay in a telly, which was really cool.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: We got to bring the kids, so it was actually our little kids' first time being in a hotel, and they love the experience, and it was really cool to be able to like provide that with them.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, of course, on the the military's dime.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, it's definitely a staycation.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was without flying to the mainland.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: We went to, you know, we island hopped.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: That still costed a pretty, a pretty penny.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, oh my gosh, for three people, man.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I'm so fortunate that the hotel room and food was provided on again on the military's dime.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: But um, my experience there was it was pretty fun, you know.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um I already knew how I was.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: Were you surprised on the results that we uh we gathered from there from these classes?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I already knew you, your personality, um, and it's just I mean, I guess it's reassuring that I know how you are.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I I just think it's really cool to be able to connect and like have different conversations and then maybe like see some things that we may not be on the same page as.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just food for thought.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's always good to come together and connect in a different way.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I like doing I like doing stuff like that.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's funny because when I was telling, you know, friends or coworkers about like we're going on a marriage retreat, like they instantly like link it as something negative, like we're going through marital problems.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, like counseling.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: If someone says we're going through counseling, they means There's something wrong.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: There's something wrong, yeah.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: That was really loud.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, there's something wrong, but I I think it's healthy to do these types of um, I guess, activities or like go through these special getaways.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's it's needed, it's healthy, um, doesn't mean anything's wrong.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it I don't I think you should always work on relationships no matter what stages they're they're in.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we've been together for a minute.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like we've been married for 13 years, so we had our um wedding anniversary.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we've been together for a minute, so it's nice to kind of like take our time or like pause for a minute and like just reconnect.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Just you and I.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was it was a good experience.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was a good experience.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Also, your birthday pass um 38.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, she said eight.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: 30 great.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, I didn't say nothing.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: She said her age.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: No uh, you know, as much as I, or I think that our society is really like I don't know, what is ageism, like focus on age as like again, like a negative.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I I have my moments where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm getting old.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I also am very grateful to be aging.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because there are some people that you know don't get the opportunity to grow old.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I think I think as I'm getting older, I'm starting to appreciate things a little bit more, and you know, I don't want to take for granted things that you know I've experienced or have had the privilege to, you know, like I said, just grow old.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: You're embracing it as you move along.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I am, and honestly, like I'm I'm gonna be 40 soon, and that's definitely an eye-opener, but um, I don't feel I don't know.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the stigma around, you know, especially like turning 40 or turning 50, like these are all milestones, but I don't feel like I'm old.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like I still feel like um, you know, I'm like a 40-year-year-old teenager.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: I feel old as hell.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: My back is hurting, my knees are cracking.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Besides that, like I have to do a countdown to get ready or like to get up out of bed.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, one, two, two and a half.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, three.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'll get up.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't just pop up out of bed like I used to.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I have vertigo now, so I can't do Favorite.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's hella old.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Damn, I got vertigo.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I got my my lower back hurts, my knees, my knees crack every time I go up the stairs.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I feel like that's just given like our body has done a lot for us through our younger years.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we was in the club, we was pop, lock, and dropping.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like the knees are not knee right now, but they do what they do.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just gotta, you know, oil them up.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: A little lubricant.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but automo automotive.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I mean, I mean, you say it, I think you've said this more recently, health is wealth.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's have you've been saying it, but I mean, it just correlates as you get older because that really is that really is like the money right there.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what did you do for your birthday?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh okay, so as far as like the day, I was emotionally drained.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she was.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: But in the best way possible.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So Yes, I it was so September, I'm a Virgo.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I shoot myself in the foot because I try not to expect anything so I don't be disappointed.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: But usually on my birthday, I I don't want to say like Chris does a really good job with, you know, like I feel like it's just, you know, the usual, and I'm not I'm not mad about that.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love that we either go to breakfast or go have a nice dinner, you have cards ready, um, a you know, a cake, or we do cake at the dinner, you know, like it's just those things that are I don't want to say expected, but it's just you know, the usual things, you know, which is not a bad thing.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm forever grateful that we do those things, but you know what?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, this is a real pod.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to like to your horn, just be like, hey, it's expected.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to sound unappreciative because I'm very appreciative.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's all right.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever I do get.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: But being being a Virgo, I do one of my love languages is acts of services.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I I don't want to say go all out, but I do make it make a lot of effort to do birthdays.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking about like birthday parties.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want you guys, you and the kids, like to feel loved and appreciated.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's your day.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're he's not a birthday person, so it's really hard.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: But he had a great birthday this year because we were back home in Cali.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: He was surrounded by you know his immediate family and his close friends.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I think for Chris, that really fills his cup.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and for me to fill my cup, it's like those acts of service.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I would love to see people go the extra mile because that's what I would do for the people that I love, anyways.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: With that being said, I woke up in the morning and you know, the kids came in and wished me happy birthday, and then we like snuggled in bed and we're watching like TikTok, so that was really cute.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Don't go downstairs yet.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Okay, so I already know something's happening.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then Chris comes up and then he's like, Come on, let's go downstairs.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I get downstairs and he has the whole like our dining room area set up.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: He has like Hello Kitty themed birthday.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: So Spike is 38 and still into Sanrio.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just a girl.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Just a girl.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just a girl, but yeah, he had the whole like dining room set up with with birthday decorations.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: He had a specially made tres leches cake, and you know, I'm I'm half Latina, so I was not expecting him to do that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: I was he goes, guess what kind of cake it is?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, um, red velvet, nope, chocolate, nope.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I was like, I don't know.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, It's tres leches, and I was like, Oh my gosh, like that, those little things right there.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: What did it say on the cake?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: What does it say on the cake?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it says you it said you're awesome and 30 great.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: So corny.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: It was cute though.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're we've already established we know that you're corny from the last episode.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but other than that, like he had gifts like um spread out on the table.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: He had like my little Hello Kitty Sanrio figurine set up as decoration.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just very thoughtful.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can tell that he put thought into it and the effort was made.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I that that alone I was already like Yeah, right.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: But continue.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so if that wasn't enough, um the kids and him wrote me beautiful cards.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then no, no, no.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: The cards weren't beautiful.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: They were the pretty sweet.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: What card did I get you?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, the kids' cards were beautiful.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: You got me one where it's like a pop-up card, and um it was the person was smacking somebody's butt.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's the anniversary of your one.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: It was the rat one.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: What rat one?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: I give a rat's ass on the one.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, booty cheeks.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it was uh you open the card and then a pop-out comes, and it was uh booty cheeks, a rat's booty cheeks.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: That was funny.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: She didn't expect anything less.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I didn't.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: And then the baby's cards.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the the kids' cards were super cute, and I'm like, you know, they're writing now, and they can write things, they can write thoughtful things, and they know how to do it themselves instead of us doing it for them.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: So that was really cute.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: And then they got me a book, was and it was the first crystal in Waterworks.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the book was called Because of You Mom.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as they read the first line, I was already sobbing.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was crying my eyes out, and so if that wasn't enough, um, Chris brings me to the living room and he's like, sit down, and then he hands me the TV remote and he said like go on YouTube.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I go on YouTube and he's telling me what to search, and I already see it.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um he gathered a 10 or he made a 10-minute video of the closest of my closest loved ones, friends, family, um people that I look up to was very inspired by they were on the video wishing me a happy birthday.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: And just thinking about it, I want to cry because it just hit there, did there's just something that I was like, oh my gosh, I know that people love and care for me, but it's another thing to see it, you know.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it was I'm gonna have that video for the rest of my life, and so whenever I feel maybe not loved or maybe I'm not enough, I can always refer back to that video and see how many people love and cherish our relationship together.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, Chris did that, he pulled that together again.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was nothing that I could have expected.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it really I was crying, I was ugly crying, like I had snot dripping down my nose.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: Reaction videos coming up.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was crying, like I was crying, and it every person that popped up to wish me a happy birthday, I was just crying harder and harder and harder.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just really special.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like I wouldn't have thought, I don't know, like I wouldn't have thought of that either.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how you thought of it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: I honestly didn't.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: It was a freestyle.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: It was when I came up with this um that idea, it was just a freestyle idea that just popped into my head, like, oh yeah, okay.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: Huh.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: What if I what if I did do it?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: So I it was more of a I gave myself the challenge and like see how many people I could put out the message, how many people will send them back, yeah, and then how well of an edit I can do.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: So it was like my challenge.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: The gift thing, yeah, like the um the kids' books, the kids' book that they pick.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, we looked together and we're like, oh, this is cute.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: It could have been a Mother's Day gift too, but I was like, you know what?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's a birthday, it's a birthday thing, you know, and of course you got shirts, and um, yeah.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: The trestles, it was because you're Latina, of course.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: You're freaking Mexican, Ariba, Ariba Arriba.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um that was it that was that was already a gimme, and then the um the Sanrio thing, I could have gone either or it would have been Sanrio, I could have been, yeah, just something sporadic.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: But I was like, you know what?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: She has a lot of Sanrio stuff.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: I could use this.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, she forgot.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: I also got her a Pandora um oh yeah.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: So we started this charm, the Pandora.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure y'all are familiar with it.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's a charm bracelet, and so like you fill the bracelet with charms that um like would describe your personality or things that you like, or just about you, right?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's custom made.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, not custom made, but custom.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I guess you can say custom made.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's probably not the right word I'm using, but yeah, uh personalized.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: There it is.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so he's been getting me charms.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like the last charm he gave me was um we went to Monterey.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: When we went back home to Kelly in Monterey, he got me an Orca whale.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um just because we're from the Central Coast and the Monterey Bay Aquarium, it just it just associated.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so this one he got me a Virgo charm, and I'm very much like horoscope and like you know, things of that nature.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So that was very it's not just girl stuff, it's definitely stuff anywho.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so he got me a charm, and I love that these charm bracelets are so easy to to give because you just you keep adding it, and they when you look down at it, you look at all the special moments that they come from, and um, every time I look at like my orca, I think of home, and sometimes I get homesick.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um now I have like my kids, like I have a boy and a girl charm, so my younger kids, I have a dragon.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I am also born in the year of the dragon, but Yassin loves dragons, so I think about him.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: I have like an evil eye for protection.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have a C.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: What up, uh?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Just kidding.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: I just kidding, no, no, no.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm for for uh Chris's name, and then I have my Virgo charm now, because hello, I'm a Virgo.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I love things like things like that, like he could have just it could have just been like that, and I would have been happy.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Just the decoration and like the thoughtfulness into it alone.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was always already like, okay, my cup is full.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now it runneth over after he did the video and the cards and just everything.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: So well, next is tell him about the anniversary because the anniversary was chill as a motherfucker.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was, and I don't know, like I think we're just 13 years is a long time.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: We've been together since 09, like it was on and off in 09, but if you just rock up those years, like it's about 17 years that we've been, goddamn.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: 17 years is crazy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I just don't think that you hear those stories anymore unless you're from like an older generation or even our generation, millennials.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's just something that you don't really hear nowadays.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's so quick to jump ship.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I think as we've grown, we both have agreed in our lives that our peace is very much like in the forefront for the both of us.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: So we've done everything though that you can think of for anniversaries.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: We've done like the fancy dinners, we've done like um, I think we've moved on from like gift giving.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I got him a little gift, but it wasn't anything crazy.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so the gift that I got was um an old deep an old old Dirty Bastard Tutang for life.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um she got me uh an SF cap, green and orange.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: She also got me like a refill on the the deodorant I use on a daily and some body spray.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: My usually my usual gift is hey man, I just want 24 hours to myself or a Big Mac and I'm cool.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: So like yeah, I I did appreciate the gift.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: And and a cool ass card.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um man, she tried to make it as funny as mine.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: No, not really.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have your same sense of it.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but I did get her, I got her a bouquet of flowers and roses.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, roses, flowers and same sense.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care what women say, like women can say, I don't want flowers or I don't like flowers.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: They just get get her flowers.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Get her.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: You can get them the fake ones.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: That won't die.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the thoughtful, like I looked at these beautiful roses and I thought of you.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really what it is.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter that they're gonna die in like a week or so.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just you saw something so beautiful that you thought of that person, just get her the flowers, you know, like or get her some chocolate or some candy.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: Anything that is just I thought of you, give it to her.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: And my birthday, well, it's so funny because on my birthday 13 years ago, he proposed to me, and then two days later we got married.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: So two days after my birthday is our anniversary.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so my my my funds are pretty tight.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: A tight point.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: But like I said, it's not about the gifts, it's not about doing the things.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they're nice, they're appreciated.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh huh.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm always gonna love me a gift.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's just I'm just a girl.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know what was bugging me?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: So, um Throughout the year, we go do these things, right?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: We buy each other these things, we go out and eat together.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like we do a lot of nice things.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: But on specific days, like your birthday or um the anniversary.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: If you miss that day, all that stuff that you did within that year, all those memories you made, the things that you bought, the other person, this and the third, all that shit goes out the window.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_03: And it's because we didn't do on that specific day.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I had to learn that.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, God damn.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like, you're alright.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Because I, you know, I had some, I talk to myself a lot, and I try to get myself into like, why am I doing this?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like, why am I going the extra length?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: Even though I've I went the extra lengths on these sporadic days that really don't matter, you know?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like, there's no occasion, it was just I went all out on these other days.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: And because of it's this day, it falls on, you know, the birthday or the anniversary.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, okay, I somewhat get it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like the complete me, I still don't get it.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: But there's a little part of me that's like, okay, it's because of this day, it's very important.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I think because I'm a man, I think that way.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: You can't use that excuse.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm using it.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm using it because throughout this year, we did a lot of good things throughout this year.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, from visiting Cali, that was a good dime.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: From going to this merger tree, that was a freaking like that was a that was a dime.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: From eating out and like, you know, getting all these like little things, these little knickknacks.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, ah damn.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's just it's it's because that It's just a lot, but the day, I understand the date is important.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: But you miss that day.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: To my fellas, all that shit goes out the window, man.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't no fucking coming from coming back because it's my birthday.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: We you should have fucking saved up for this birthday.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: I would have been like, fuck me, man.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: But I also think it comes down to the person that you're with.
• 24:15
  unknown: Yep.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like you gotta know the person that you're with.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: You do, because if you know and I know her well.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: I know her more than she knows.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you're with a person that expects all the like the gifts, the lavish things, like a trip, like you have to find the girl or the man in your tax bracket.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and that tax bracket way too high than mine, man.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: For real.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you can't do more, then go find less.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you feel me?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be living in a box.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I I I hear what you're saying, and I think that's valid.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's more so like you forgot, and that doesn't make anybody feel good, especially on days that are significant.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why wouldn't you want to celebrate a 13 years of marriage?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why wouldn't you want to celebrate someone that was born into this world?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like that is just how I see it.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think you need to be like, because this year was really chill, but I think we've grown to a point where we've done all those things, and you know, through the year we do all these great things.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, like on my birthday, you did all these things, but there are more like that thoughtfulness to it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I just I took a nap for like five hours, and then afterwards he got pizza, and that was like the perfect day, and it just definitely as you're growing with somebody as you go through these milestones, I think it becomes less and less.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I've known couples that are maybe in their 60s and they just g go to errands as their anniversary day, and then they may they might do like a nice dinner, but it's it's just you've you grow and you've done it, and I I get it, but I think it's just the acknowledgement of such a significant day because I thank God when you it's your birthday that you got brought into this world, and I want you to feel that I'm so happy that that happened.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: What do I usually want for my birthday?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he either wants to be left alone for a full 24 hours, or he wants like to eat his weight in Big Macs.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: We're so simple, you know what I'm saying?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_03: And it's I don't know.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think for as guys, when we say we want specific things, it's either that or bust, you know?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like it's I don't know, like for me, it's it's this it's the most simplest things that I really want.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because and I'll be I'll be real with you, the things that like say as gifts, I could get that shit on my own.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like I could get that on my own dime.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: Like if I really want it, man, I have enough money to get that shit on my own.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: Even though if you get it for me, you know, thank you.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_03: But what what if I don't want that at that time, you know?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like what if my m well like my shit changed?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: My decision in wanting that thing changes, you know what I'm saying?
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: So that's why I try to make it as simple as possible.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like I feel you for your for the anniversary or for your birthday, I was planning on getting your car detailed and that was it.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I that would have been a cool gift.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't know if that would have been like, okay, is that a is that a good enough gift?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: But or because getting your car detailed, you know, in and out, yeah.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, is that to get a what kind of reaction would have you gotten?
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh would you have gotten or you would have gave?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, look, I got your car detailed and thing.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think right now, in my big old age, I would have been really happy about that.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: Are you sure you you would have you it wouldn't be like a oh I I wouldn't be like a real would it be a yeah?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I I'm being a hundred and ten percent.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, dead ass though, that would have been cool.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: Only because like I don't have time to clean my car the way I want to.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: I want it to look nice.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I got I got kids, like I know the back seat be like dirty as hell.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, but like I said, in my big old age now, I would have been really happy for that.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well see that we'll test this out.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: We'll test this out.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: Merry Christmas, got your cards.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think like you wouldn't just do that.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think you would have still celebrated me with like a birthday dinner or like a cake.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think it would have just been more.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why I'm thinking the way that I'm thinking, but I'm also grown now.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Had you done that for me in my like early 20s, I probably would have been a brat and be like, what the fuck?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I would have kicked you to the curve and been like, peace out.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: The fuck.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: But that's what I'm saying.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's growth.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: You feel me?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's growth.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, had you asked me that when I was 20, I'd be like, the fuck do I want my car detailed for?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm fucking driving in a Nissan Ultima.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a fuck about my car.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: If you drive a Nissan, if you know you know, if you know you know, if you know you know, it's a Yay area thing.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: You drive a Nissan, but like I said, like I have a nice car, I want to keep my shit nice.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: So something like that, and I know how much detailing costs.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like you would have spent like a pretty like a good chunk of money just to get the car detailed inside and out.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would have hell yeah, I would have been grateful.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't gotta do that shit.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'd be sweating my ass off trying to wash my car in the fucking hot ass sun.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, like I said, I'm grown now.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's a different, that's a different tiff.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: Ladies and gentlemen that are listening to this, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do this.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna get her car detailed, and I'm gonna like hopefully get the reaction that I think is gonna happen.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I'll well, I'll get back to you on this.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: He wants to see me like crash out and act like a fucking brat.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Is that's what he's wanting to see.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I She said a couple weeks back before her birthday, she said, Oh, this is that time of year.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm just finna crash out.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: I always crash out on this day.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: I do, I do.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like I said, it's more of like a I try not to expect it, and then I end up expecting it, and it's not how I would have celebrated somebody.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just want somebody to think of me the way I think of others, and then I don't get it, and I get disappointed, and then I fucking crash out.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: I also crash out is valid.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_03: That's why my expectations of people and events and things, it's always it's always low because if it's like say if things happen on the up, I'm like, oh damn, all right.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_03: But if I expect things on the low, it's like, yeah, I expected this, I am cool.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: See, I expect that from strangers or maybe acquaintances, but when it's people that like I pour into, I I I expect the same reciprocation back.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's it, and that's why the crash out is the crash out every year.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't crash out this year, and I'm so proud of a growth.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: We're elevating, we're growing into this womanhood.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm about to be 40.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can't be fucking crashing out over some like dumbass shit no more.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I can, but the paradigm has shifted.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: You feel the shift, you feel the shift.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: All right, enough about that.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, and we were in Cali the last time you talked to her, or I had her on, this is pre-Cali.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what made us go out to Cali?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: We initially went out.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's so many reasons to go out to Cali because duh.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we went out for the Lomboy family reunion.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_03: That was yeah.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: But we have all of our people out there, like our oldest daughter lives out there.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um Chris's dad, like his immediate family.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: He has a big ass family, so they're all out there, and they all came out either for that reunion or they came like after the reunion to celebrate birthdays and such.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like a big gathering, and we went out there primarily for the reunion, um, to see our oldest daughter.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's like the main thing, and then along the way, like I got to see my family, which I'm always so grateful to see.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then we actually took the kids and we did a lot of things with with our younger kids because they grow, they've grown up on the island, all they know is island life, and we wanted to show them a little bit how our older kids grew up because they're Cali born and bred, so they got to experience all those experienced roller coasters for the first time.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we took them to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_03: Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, shout out to y'all.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we didn't know how they were gonna react because they've never been on rides, like they've never been on like real legit rides, like they've been on like a rinky dink carnival ride.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like merry-go-rounds and carousels.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_03: My carousels, yeah.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's merry-go-rounds, too.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, merry-rounds, yeah, yeah.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think it depends on your age.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh that shows.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: No, but they were on roller coasters.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: The kids were on roller coasters.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we like I said, we didn't know how they were gonna react because we're gonna be like, oh my gosh, they might be scared.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: They probably don't want to.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: But you know who shocked me the most was Yaz.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yasin is our he's gonna be 10 next month, but he is a little bit more like shy, timid, very like attached to either me or Chris.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like he is like, he's just shy.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's just his own person.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so I really thought Safira, who's a little bit more like outgoing, yeah, adventurous.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we thought she was gonna be like all for the rides, but it was kind of like the opposite, right?
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like Sophia loved the rides, don't get me wrong, but Yessin was like he was on the big boy ride.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he went on the roller coaster.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: There's the Big Dipper, it was our last ride, and I don't do roller coasters because I personally don't like them.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm scared of roller coasters.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: But Chris went on all the crazy rides with him, and he had a headache.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, I'm gonna take one because he wanted to go on, he wanted to go on the last ride, the Big Dipper, which is the big roller coaster there in Santa Cruz, and so I was like, Oh, I gotta take one for the team.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Okay, I'm gonna go on the ride with him.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: So we went on.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, me and him, and then our older daughter Mila, and then our cousin Jen, we all went on together, and he did not know what to expect because again, he's never been on a on roller coasters, let alone the big kid roller coaster.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so we went on, and as soon as you get in, the first thing you go in was a tunnel, and then it just drops.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, the whole time, and yes, was like it was hilarious.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I could only imagine hilarious, it was so and then afterwards he was like too stunned to speak.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, I'm never going on that right again.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, I'm so proud of you because had you not gone on, you would have never experienced that.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_03: I um like I suggest like parents that have like their um, you know, their kids in that age, you know, from eight to ten, eight to eleven.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_03: If you haven't taken your kids to an amusement park with these rides, like these scary ass rides, definitely go because it is one of those things where you do not want them to go with their friends.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: You want to experience that, you want to experience it with your friends.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: I agree.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_03: Just y'all, just y'all folks.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because it was cool just seeing Yaz getting out of his shell.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_03: It was and just like him actually enjoying the rides, like not being forced to go on.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, I want to try this, I want to try that.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it was him doing it.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: We weren't forcing him.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sometimes we have to like give him encouragement for him to like think about trying, but he was that was all him.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was all him.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was a cool, like a different side story to him.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_03: And Santa Cruz was such a vibe too, because I think kid I think we went during the weekday.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and kids were in school, people were still at work, so we went on like almost all the big kid rides and also the all the small kid rides.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then they went on the rides like multiple times.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it wasn't just like we got away, it was just like as soon as they got off, they went back in line and then went back again, and they just kept it in rotation, and it went.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_03: That day was just it was good.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like it started off cold.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, to us it was cold because you know we got acclimated to Hawaii weather, but then it started getting a little bit warmer, but it was to the point where you could still wear a sweater.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we was in a hoodie.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it was cool like the whole time.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: Shout out to Santa Cruz.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know, like that that place is so nostalgic.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like being that we're in in or almost in our 40s, like we like that's the first thing I associate with um like my childhood is going to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and like either listening, doing the they had concerts on the beach or movies on the beach.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was just such a nostalgic part of our childhood, and I'm really I was so happy we we got to have our kids experience that.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because our older kids, Aiden Amila, we took them there all the time.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: That was just part of like our like day-to-day.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was just a you know life thing, yeah.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because we were only what Santa Cruz is only like what an hour from us, yeah.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's not like it was far.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, in Cali, like an hour is actually like 30 minutes, you know, because everything's so spread out.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's so cool that they got to experience that and how you know our older kids were raised, and you know, we don't get to do that a lot being on the island.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: Really don't.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: It makes you don't.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: We I think we have this conversation every time we go back to home to Cali is should we just move back for our kids to experience these things?
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: And we'd be obviously closer to family.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um but as soon as we get back home, it's very like short-lived, huh?
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, okay, we're we're actually cool staying, you know, staying here.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's like um some s sort of a piece that we have just yeah, our own.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like we miss we miss our friends, we miss our families from back home, but there's just some something that we have built, just the two of us and our family, that when we get back home, it kind of snaps us right back into like I'm really happy where we're at and like what we've built, and it's just us, you know.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's nobody coming in and and like messing up our piece and like our household and our kids.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's no drama, like we're pretty much that's yeah, right?
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like that, no drama.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we're pretty we're too far away for the drama to even touch here, you know?
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like we're out of sight, out of mind.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we would hear it, but I know for a fact if you would have been staying in California, yeah, you know there would have been something.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, with my family, it's either, hey Chris, handle it.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, dog, I'm not trying to be in it.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: The oldest out of I have to handle it, right?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, me being, you know, across the ocean.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't have to I don't really have to do any, like, unless it's like something dire, you know.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't have to I don't have to put my foot down on anything.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_03: So that's why I think that's like the snap back to reality after the vacation.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and of course we're on like vacation high, like, oh my gosh, we should just move out here.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, it's gonna be and expensive as fuck.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's expensive as fuck here too.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_03: So man, Callie.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta put we gotta pick our hard.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'll tell y'all, man.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know how my Bay Area motherfuckers be living out there with that eight dollar, nine dollar a gallon gas, man.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_03: I thought, you know, five dollars was expensive.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_03: I thought six was expensive.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_03: Motherfucker, that ten to eleven dollars, man.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I went out there one summer, oh my god, it was like up to twelve, and I was like, yo, this shit is for the birds, and I'm not fucking living this shit.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_03: Eight no way.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we we have you gotta pick our your hard, you know.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-uh.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-mm.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_03: That should hurt my feelings.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, boy, this is too much.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_03: No wonder there's a lot of electric cars, you know?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_03: On Cali.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, fuck.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: Get you an electric car.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead, man.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_03: So you ready for these questions?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, we did a lot of uh ranting and fucking it's artisms.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: So uh we'll get to these questions real quick.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see, one here.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, when did you realize uh what was the thing, managed?
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_03: What was it going?
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_03: Uh wait, hold on.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_03: What did you complete under?
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_03: What was your first impression of this marriage?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_01: So to our viewers, most of you already know that I was our podcast.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_03: I digress.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was I I was in a marriage before uh Chris and I got married.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_03: Brio.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know that.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: Does not ever let me forget it.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck no, I'm one and done.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_03: I am one and done.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I was so young, like I when you think you know, you don't know.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you really don't know.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: I will give it up anyways.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I was married previously, and so I don't really know if I had any first impressions.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: I just knew that it was gonna be a lot different from the marriages I've seen and then the first marriage I got into.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um I just knew I don't know what if it's like intuition or just like I can't explain it.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: I just knew that it was gonna be different.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it was gonna it was gonna last.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, we still hear it.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um I thought when I first got married, I just thought it was just a um, to be honest, just a continuation of being a boyfriend girlfriend.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but something else.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_03: But now it's it's just it's legally binded.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: I thought he was gonna say for the BAH, because if you're military, you if you know, you know.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_03: See, that's that's where her head's at.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_03: This is where my head's at.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm just that's you see the hot damn difference.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_03: Nah, but um with the whole marriage thing, I just thought it was a continuation of being a boyfriend, girlfriend.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's the next step, you know, in life.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because um, you know, being single, man, you got your fun too, but then you get to that point where, alright, it's time to go to that next level.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_03: And then, so it was that, and then um, I mean, I just watched my dad throughout my whole life.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_03: I see my uncles and my aunts going through it.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I thought marriage was.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so I had no expectations, I just lived it the way I was living it.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_03: There was no motherfucking instruction manuals, so of course I was freestyling a lot of the shit.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: Still not.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I burned, I burned bad, but then I freaking riced good.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like bread.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_03: I rose.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's I'm dead.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think seeing our older like our parents go through marriages, um you don't really understand because like you just see it right and you don't know what things really are until you're in it.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: So it's very interesting to also like take what you've learned, even though if you weren't learning at the time, like you just see it, right?
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you're also maybe thinking to yourself, I don't want to be like that.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because some, you know, some parents fight, some people don't even talk to each other.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had my dad, and I primarily grew up with my stepmom, and their relationship was very like I don't know how to explain it, it was very like transactional because later on I found out in my life that my dad married my stepmom to have a partner to help take care and raise me.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was very interesting.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it you know, it takes a village.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I I'll give I'll give him that.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, you you I want how do I I'm rambling.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, I want I wanted a marriage to be built on love and being able to both commit and share the responsibilities.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't want it to be just transactional, like I'm with you because you helped me take care of blah blah blah.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: And we do, you know, it should be like I'm with you through thick and thin.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like you I'm your right or die.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want to I wanted to build a marriage like that.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's funny, this just popped into my head.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_03: So this is her second marriage, this is my first.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: I told her from the get, this is I'm like, I'm one and done, right?
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like if this marriage doesn't work out, I'm not I'm not wait, I'm not remarrying, but I am gonna hit them skins though, because my game that tight.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, no, no, no.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's before that.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_01: We he didn't he said he would never get married, like never get married.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, I was like a pool.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: He was not, and he didn't want to, and you know, like I was coming out of a marriage and like I was actually like okay, like I need a reset.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was actually okay with with accepting that, and I it was on my terms.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like I told him, like, listen look, if we don't get married, I'm okay with that.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, I want to have more children, but I don't want to have children by multiple baby daddies.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: And if you do, you do, like I'm no, no judge, but I'm just saying for for me, you know, like I if I'm gonna be with you, it's more so like I'm gonna date you to build long term, like I don't want to just like date around, right?
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, he I think we both came to that conclusion, like, we're gonna be together, and so the marriage, not having a marriage was completely fine with us.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we compromised.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: That was our first compromise, remember?
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we both agreed that like no marriage, but you're like, you know, I want to have kids too, like, I'm cool with having another kid, and so I think from there we just kind of like accepted and we didn't force anything.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: And you he did go to the military, and yes, I feel like the the military encouraged the marriage, but it sure did you can't make someone just want to get married, you know, like yeah, there's benefits to it, but for someone that's already like opposed to like I'm not I'm never getting married, I'm not getting I don't want a marriage, I don't want to get married, like I think it takes a lot more than just circumstantial to get married.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: Do you agree?
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so then he like had this whole new turn on what marriage is, it's not just transactional.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, marijuana and being drunk, that's that's a hell of a thing, you know.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_03: Once you also man, I had you know, I was talking to a lot of people too, and it was getting me in the right headspace because you know, back in the day it was all survival mode, you know, single parent, all that bullshit.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yada yada yada, y'all.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: You carried that into our marriage though.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: I sure did.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think you didn't when we got married, it still kind of felt like boyfriend, girlfriend, and I didn't really realize that's what you thought a marriage was until right now.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's saying, I thought being married is just you continue to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I think that's how you carried that into our marriage in the first like I'm so lame couple years, but I'm so real with it.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's no, that's why I honestly thought for you, like what made you feel like oh, we're not boyfriend, girlfriend anymore.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: It took time, okay.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was just time, yeah.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like instead of just me, it was us.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_03: And then I think no, I know, um what is it?
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_03: It took it took Washington for me to like understand that to finally get it.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because I was on you know, I was on loner mode for like a long time, and everything is like all me, me, me.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta do this this way, this way, that way.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I was already preset.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then with like the whole marriage thing, it's like, okay, I'm locked down.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_03: I ain't gonna leave you, but I'm still gonna do me, me, me, me, me.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I gotta do it this way.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's what it felt like too.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like I if if you don't like it, fucking all will, but it's still gonna happen this way.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: So Yeah, he he was very much like that, like I wanna say like two, three years into our marriage, but even when we we were married for like I would say like three or four years before we had Yassin, right?
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, it was three years before we had Yassine, which is our our third child together.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, sure.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because we had we had blended family, so he had Mila, his our oldest daughter, and then I had my oldest son, Aiden, and then we had Yassin.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so the age gap is like from the first almost like it's like eight years, like eight to ten years apart.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_01: Ten, like twelve years apart, because Mila's twenty.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_03: My math is fucked up.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's the weekend.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't need to be able to do that.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, but anyways, there's a big there's a big gap because everything, like even with the kids, we were still kind of like parenting separate, but then you know, chime in here and there.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it wasn't really until like, yeah, I think after Washington, right?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Where we started actually it clicked.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_03: Something there's no fucking time limit.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I didn't talk to anyone.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's just I guess when you're when you're ready, I mean, fuck.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to put God in the conversation, but like when you're ready, something just God just drops a freaking ball in your head and a light bulb just turns on.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_03: So I think that's what happened.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_01: And also, like we weren't being forced.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody was being forced to do it, yeah.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's because like being in the military too, I'm so new to being in the military.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I knew.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I had like in for order, I have to be acting this way.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean, man, you can say this, you can say that.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: Moving on.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what's the biggest difference between your first marriage?
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, whatever.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's one thing I taught you about your in this marriage.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_03: What's one thing marriage has taught you about yourself?
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta be patient as fuck.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's what I had to learn.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_03: And then I also needed to one big thing is to not go off my actions and really think, you know, why it's happening this way.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_03: I have to look at certain angles before I react.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'm a big huge reactor.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_03: Reactor?
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_03: I react to things pretty quickly.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, man, whatever.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_03: I react I I react the way I react.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_03: But that's one thing that I'm saying.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'd say for me, it's really accepting myself.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you I think it's just me.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's me accepting no, listen, listen, I had it, it was, it was the thought was for me.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's accepting myself, seeing myself through a different lens.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because I may feel like I have my shit together, but you're quick to yeah, exactly.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're quick to either call me out or help I don't want to say fix because I don't think it needs fixing.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_03: Assist you get to where you're going.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Correct, yeah.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think anybody else can do it when you see me at my lowest, and so and you also see things that I may not see about myself.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: And just accepting myself in a different lens.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is something that I've learned a lot about yourself in this marriage.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's crazy because even even now where I feel like, oh, I'm I feel I feel good, and there's always something that I may not see, but you definitely like to share it with me.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I do.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, but you like I don't know, I guess.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's a way I can um present it and execute it, but fuck, I'm a blunt ass motherfucker, man.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like sometimes I just don't know how to express it.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I need to turn GPT that motherfucker, you know?
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's so annoying.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's not how what you say, it's how you say it.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's the tone perception.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, like I get my feelings hurt.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just like why'd you have to say it like that?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but it's real, it's the truth.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: But it doesn't make you feel good, like, and you're already telling me something I may not like feel good about, and then you saying it like you're like like your dick.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't like that.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: But, anyways, yeah, I'd say that's probably the biggest thing I've learned in our marriage about myself.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: Seeing myself in a different lens and accepting it, and then try to be better for it.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_03: Who apologizes first in an argument after an argument?
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_03: Usually me.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'd say, yeah, him.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's usually me.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm usually right.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck no.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_03: I usually suck it the fuck up and it's like, yo, I'm sorry.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_03: But then I find no, wait, hold on.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_03: I try to find where I did wrong, and I if I know I'm right, so me, I pick and choose my battles, right?
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm waiting for that one big argument to fucking lay it on her.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_03: As of right now, I'm losing every fucking battle.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm saving my wins.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_03: Because when the when I get those wins, oh, I'm it's gonna mean so much to me.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_03: But as of right now, I'm losing every battle.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_03: But I try to find why I lost the battle, like why she got mad.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_03: I disse I try to dissect everything, and I'm like, okay.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_03: So once I find that one thing where it's like, okay, I did, I did kind of like, I see her point.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I'm gonna stick to that.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_03: So it tells me it's like, alright, I messed up, sorry.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_03: But You don't say it like that.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, I don't say it.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry, I'm just like, alright, my bad, you know.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm wrong, you know?
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_03: Valid.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_01: I validate, but no, he goes, You write, and then he shuts up.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_03: You write a meeting, right?
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'll shut up.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'll keep talking to him.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I said you're right.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I don't feel like that's authentic or genuine.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, alright, well, you got it.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean shit, you got it.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_01: See, like that, like that you got it.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_03: You got it, Ezekiel.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, as a prideful person, you know, if I say I'm sorry, you write, whatever, that's it.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_03: Don't fucking try to get three, four, five more out of me, because after that, I'm shutting everything down.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like, my in my psyche, it's like I said what I had to say, I'm not gonna repeat it, I'm done, I'm moving on.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're gonna keep on jabbering, hey, you could use your own energy on that, but you're not gonna get that energy out of me anymore.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you like you're not gonna get you're not gonna Listen.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna keep it.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you just do that to shut the me the hell up.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: Or you just shut up.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like you just are don't wanna.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_03: 40% of the time, that's true.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_03: 60% of the time is me, I'm not using my energy because I could use it on positive shit, or I could do it on something.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I could use it for something else, but I'm not gonna use that energy on you anymore.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, because I'm not worth your energy?
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, you're not worth that type of energy.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for correcting that.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_03: You feel the paradigm?
• 57:18
  unknown: I saw you.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_03: The paradigm you'll shift.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_03: Uh when we're fighting, who becomes the problem?
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_03: Me, you, or both of us?
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: I wanna I wanna say me.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can I can react really bad sometimes.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like he swears I'd be fucking breaking doors and stuff, but I don't.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_01: I slam okay, I slam doors.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_01: He fucking acts like I take glass vases and throw him at his throw it at his head.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just I just get so and I don't know.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I have been better, but I think me, like, yeah, I I think it's me.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_03: I agree.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: But he sometimes he be like I'll be going off though.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: Petty boots though, he's very petty, and so that shit pisses me off, and then it just gets a rise out of me.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: He knows, you know how to push my fucking buttons.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's the that's the thing.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so he put he knows which ones gets me reactive, and then I just I lose my shit.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's fun.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's not fun, it's entertaining.
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_03: So there's a there's a threshold, right?
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: When I do this to her, there's a threshold.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: I try not to I try not to get her here because if it gets here, it's dangerously close to going overboard, and I don't want to get her overboard.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to get it in of just right here in between here.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's the threshold where I want to was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, alright, cool.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_03: I try to tone it down with some jokes or you want something to eat?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like I try to tone the shit down like that.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_03: But once it gets over here, I'm like, fuck, I done fucked up.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, once I start getting that in this position, when she gets when her stance gets lower and I and I get taller, I'm like, oh fuck me.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_03: Oh god.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_01: Psycho coming out.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_03: Do couples actually need to agree on everything?
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck no.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_01: You can agree to disagree.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's what separates you as people.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, um, I think that's okay.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think I don't know.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know why couples think that they have to like if I hate the same if I hate a bitch, you gotta hate the same bitch.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's that's granted, but like Negative No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_01: I like R.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_01: Kelly.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_03: I like R.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_03: Kelly music, but you're not talking about R.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_01: Kelly, like that's oh you're talking about oh yeah.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're talking about like a bitch.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I fucking don't like this bitch and I see you chopping it up with that bitch, you a bitch too.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, matter of fact, like you gotta hate the same bitch I hate.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's that surface level, okay?
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: But emotional, political, what whatever stances, views you have, even down apparent, like it's okay to agree to disagree.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: I just think we have to accept, but also to come to a compromise that as long as it's not uh bleeding into our our morals, our values, like it's okay.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I may not like the president, and he may like, uh I kind of like him.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't be mad at that.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that is your views.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: You have your own opinion, you are your own person to think that I'm just using that as an example, but just things like that.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that it's not that deep.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_03: It it really isn't.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's okay to disagree with like in the core, you know, in the little discussions that you have or that we have, it's okay to disagree.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_01: And we do do that.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_03: I really make sure to have some sort of like backup notes to why I disagree with what she's saying.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you're just going off a feeling and not facts, then I'm just like sometimes it's all funny.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm hearing, you know, I'm here, you know, I'll I'm gonna hear you out, but you really can't change my mind on it.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm I'm gonna really I'm gonna still have like a firm stance on it.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_03: But I try I try to come with facts, yeah.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_01: But it's nice to see each other's views because he might not see the same thing that I'm seeing, and so then it's kind of like oh he'll sometimes he'll be like, Oh, I didn't I didn't think about that.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, Yeah, and then same thing with him, like he'll say something and I'll be like, Oh, I didn't realize it was like that.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, Yeah, and it definitely is.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_03: How important is having separate interests?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's important.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we need our time away from each other, each other, from from the house, from the kids.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we are just so attached at the hip, or like, you know, not like that.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just talking about like we're for we're married, we got kids, we parent, like we have the household, we have school, like all these things are all done like this.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we're doing it together.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's important that we all, everybody, kids included, have their time away from each other.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think it creates a stronger bond of like I miss you, because I can't miss you if I'm with you 24-7.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't no fucking way.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_03: If you miss someone and they're right next to you, that's a fucking goddamn lie.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_01: There's something wrong.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_03: He or she wants something from you.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_03: Let's be real.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I can't be like, oh, Ebobs, I miss you, and you're right next to me.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck that.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_03: That is incorrect.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I believe in that statement.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_03: We do need set our separate things.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um when Tiff is feeling some type of way.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm first, and I'm quick to be like, hey man, once you hit up someone, so-and-so, get the fuck out of here, you know, like go.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_03: I want to stay with the babies.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, get the fuck out.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_03: I want to stay in the babies.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_03: At that point, I'm not gonna repeat myself like the third, fourth time.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's when I'm like, all right, hey, I suggested it.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's up to you as a fucking adult if you want to go, you know, do this and do that.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's that mom guilt.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_03: The mom guilt thing is real.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_03: For me, it's my my outside interest is the gym.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_03: Basketball and this little thing here, and when I do like gigs and shit.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_03: But like, that's my outside thing that I know she's cool with, you know, because if me and her liked basketball, cool.
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_03: If she wants to play basketball, great.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_03: Is she gonna be on my team?
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely not, because I'm I'm a winner.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but put it this way though, she she does makeup.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_03: There's never a time in our fucking marriage where I'm like, oh, can I go on your makeup?
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_02: Can I go with you?
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, can can I be an assistant to make it?
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of wouldn't make I kind of wish she didn't.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, because I know that's that's her thing.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_03: And and I thought about this a lot too, before I would just get in her way if she was doing her makeup gigs.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because I don't know what a fucking four-inch eyeliner is.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what three dimensional hot damn eyelashes are.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what 4.6 contour makes you know what I'm saying?
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know these things, and I'm just like, yo.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we did have hobbies together when we used to dance.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_01: We yeah, we danced together, yeah.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that was I think rough uh I don't want to say a rough patch in our relationship.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is before we got married, but we we used to dance and we used to be on a couple different dance teams together, and I we didn't get any separation because we lived together.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the only time we did get separate it was work, was working else, like the regular nine to five.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_01: We were parenting together, like not together together, but like you know, we had our kids together, we would do homework.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_01: So it was very constant, like around each other, and then our hobby was or like we would dance, so we would have like four or five hour practices, we would have competitions or performances, so we was together, like in inseparable, but not in a good way sometimes, because we would if we were fighting, we'd have to be around each other and we have to.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we just needed time to breathe.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we didn't get that time, and I think we we had the most fights during that time.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_01: Do you agree?
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_01: There was no separation, and we we needed separation, and I think we found a really good balance when we um when we kind of let the dancing go and we focused it on we focused on other different things that caused us to be more separate.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_03: If you're a boyfriend or a girlfriend in high school and you're like together all the time, y'all need to like man, like separate just a little bit, you know, like you don't have to go home, man.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_03: Y'all man.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's important.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_03: Don't be together all the time.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's definitely important to have friends outside of a relationship.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_01: Especially like if you guys have joint friends, you can have your own separate friends, and then she has her own separate friends.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_01: This is facts.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just those types of things like do an extracurricular activity to keep yourself engaged in your own development.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, this is true.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I could attest to that because uh I got I you know I got these cats in the guard, you know, like I I be chilling with, I'll be chopping it up with.
• 1:06:33
  SPEAKER_03: And Tiff knows them, but ain't no way Tiff's gonna be hanging out with them, you know?
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's one of them things.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_03: Or I still got my boys from the block.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't no way Tiff is gonna freaking go to the block, you know, so that's separate.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_03: But our close mutual friends, like, she knows them, and I think I, you know, I like that because it's more of a, you know, like she got hers and I got mine.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, we're gonna we have a mutual friend ammo, right?
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's like Tiff's bestie.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm gonna hang out with ammo, there's gonna be a fucking reason why I'm hanging out with ammo.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_03: Man, because I ain't no way I'm hanging out with her and just be like, hey, I'm gonna wanna hang out.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't fucking no way.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't do that to his friends.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, there's no way.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_01: All just are linking up because we're all together.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's different.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's different.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's so funny.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_03: Ammo, motherfucking what?
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_03: JD, like, ain't no way I'm hanging out with him like on a one-on-one.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_03: Unless there's like, hey man, can you come with me to like pick out Tiff's Gif?
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_03: Or, you know, I'm trying to surprise Gif.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_03: Like, let's go do you know what I'm saying?
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's something, that's something like I could see happening.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_03: But hey man, let's go get some coffee together.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't no way unless they're taking me out to get something to eat.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_03: You feel me?
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, hey man.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_03: Or I don't got a whip, and they're like my only, like my last choice.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_03: Other than that, man, I'm I'm Uberin.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah.
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, as a disclaimer, I wouldn't care if like my homegirls hung out with Chris, like, in like a hey, let's go get coffee or like to me that wouldn't be a red flag because I know my girls like think of him as like a rat and have no interest in him aside from he's my husband.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a rat?
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_01: No, you know what I mean.
• 1:08:24
  SPEAKER_03: Is that what they say?
• 1:08:27
  SPEAKER_03: Oh well, flame y'all the fuck up.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_03: If I ever heard that shit, oh my god.
• 1:08:31
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, okay.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_01: The only reason why I said it like that, because there are people out there to like get the man's, you know, like or the woman, like they are like they shisty out there.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so I am really grateful for my friendships that I wouldn't have to worry about.
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like they don't look at him and be like, oh yeah, I'm trying to get that.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_01: They'll be like, he's a fucking rat.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like with all due respect, you feel me?
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like very respectful.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I yeah, I had motherfuckers like the motherfuckers that I chill with, like that I call, you know, my peoples and shit.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's um, yeah, they wouldn't do nothing that dirty or that shicey.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like if they hung out with you, you know.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like I wouldn't mind any of my boys, like, oh man, took Tiff out, I hit her up, this and that.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, hey, cool, you know, shit.
• 1:09:23
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to hear that conversation.
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_03: Y'all leave that shit.
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_03: Y'all's loans to him.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't give a fuck.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that it's just the comfortability too.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I I trust him to not like my last thing is him trying to go out and get like get one of my homegirls, you know, like that too.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, man.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't it ain't happening, man.
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_03: Don't ever fucking think, oh man, Chris thinks I'm hot.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_03: No, the fuck I don't.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you look like a rat, respectfully.
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_03: It ain't happening, you know.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_03: It ain't it ain't happening.
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, it's just not.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's my home girls, like who I know like are my rider dies.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if in another bitch, like that we have a that's a different conversation, okay?
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Next question Does romance change after years too?
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yes, a hundred percent it does.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_01: It looks different.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think we just kind of talked about that earlier, especially like birthdays and anniversaries look like.
• 1:10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we just have a different version of romance, is and honestly, that's going to Target without the kids.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's going to go get coffee without the kids.
• 1:10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not gonna buy a fucking cake pop.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_03: Stop it.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just think things like that are romantic.
• 1:10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now, and it's a different romance.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not looking for like the textbook romance.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you were like, hey, hey Tiff, let's go to let's go to Target, we'll get coffee.
• 1:11:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we gotta run errands, but we'll go get a coffee, and then I already know like we're gonna go eat because he already knows that's my that's my lovelihood right there.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:11:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what was that?
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just what I look forward to, and we don't get those moments a lot.
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when we do get that time because we're working, we have the kids, like we're just so caught up in our day-to-day life.
• 1:11:29
  SPEAKER_01: When we do have those, like that's romantic to me.
• 1:11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah.
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_03: There it is.
• 1:11:35
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, all right, we gotta go quickly with these questions.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:11:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um, do do do do uh what do you what makes you feel emotional?
• 1:11:42
  SPEAKER_03: What does Does physical intimacy become more important or less important over time?
• 1:11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Let me say that one more time.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Does physical intimacy become more important or less important over time?
• 1:11:58
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have two different answers.
• 1:12:00
  SPEAKER_03: Mine I want the booty all the time.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_01: He does, and I can't okay, let that that's too TMI.
• 1:12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm not gonna do disclose any of I'm just a man.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, my emotional intimacy outweighs my physical.
• 1:12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, don't get me wrong, like I still want it, like I think he's sexy, and I like I look at him like, oh yeah, like I that's how I feel about him every time I see him.
• 1:12:32
  SPEAKER_01: But my emotional intimacy is a lot higher than my huh.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm a female, I'm a woman, he's a man.
• 1:12:42
  SPEAKER_01: We all have our different needs.
• 1:12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I am so appreciative.
• 1:12:47
  SPEAKER_01: He's not the type of man that is just if I don't give up the booty to him anytime he wants it, like he doesn't make me feel like he doesn't love me, like he's gonna go out and get ass.
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because there are men's out there that does that, and there's women out there that do that too, because there maybe some men don't have a high sex drive.
• 1:13:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think just as I've gotten older, having kids, my sex drive isn't just as high as it used to, and sometimes I'm like, what's wrong with me?
• 1:13:16
  SPEAKER_01: But it's he makes me feel like there's nothing wrong.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_01: He'll he'll say it like I'm you know, I'll miss I miss you.
• 1:13:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, there isn't wrong, you know, as guys, hey man.
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, sports and gym.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, outdoors, for letting it then the aggression out.
• 1:13:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um how should wait, wait, here we go.
• 1:13:38
  SPEAKER_03: Uh wait, how should couple and a one more person like should both people know exactly what other mate?
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, that's an ugly one.
• 1:13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um is 50-50 realistic in a marriage?
• 1:13:51
  SPEAKER_03: No, definitely the fucking not.
• 1:13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Someone's always gonna do more than the other, and that's where we pick up the slack.
• 1:14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um but we also you have to have a good understanding of what 50-50 or someone that gives more than the other looks like.
• 1:14:11
  SPEAKER_03: It'd be frustrating like a motherfucker, man.
• 1:14:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna tell you that right.
• 1:14:14
  SPEAKER_03: Because it all comes down to communicating, right?
• 1:14:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_03: You're we're not mind readers, so I don't know what the 50 is.
• 1:14:22
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe I do know that what the 50 is, it's just I'm not acknowledging it.
• 1:14:26
  SPEAKER_03: But we had this talk earlier, and this is in regards to finance.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_03: 50-50.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_03: Emotional 50-50.
• 1:14:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, uh it's doable, 50-50, yeah.
• 1:14:37
  SPEAKER_03: But we're talking about finances, yeah.
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's never gonna be realistically, it's never gonna be 50-50.
• 1:14:43
  SPEAKER_03: We could try it that way, but I don't know.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_03: As the man, I think it's more leaning towards 60-40 or 70-30.
• 1:14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like we we could say 50-50.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but the end of the day, let's be real, guys, it's gonna be 60-40, 70-30.
• 1:15:02
  SPEAKER_03: And it's because majority of guys, we are the breadwinners.
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_03: Let's flip that shit.
• 1:15:07
  SPEAKER_03: If she was the breadwinner, fucking your fucking right, 50-50, you know?
• 1:15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Because I don't think like my pride and my ego wouldn't go less than 50-50.
• 1:15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I like that you don't hang it over my head knowing that, and I know that puts a lot of stress on you, but you don't ever make me feel like I'm not doing my part.
• 1:15:36
  SPEAKER_03: And again, thank you, Jim.
• 1:15:38
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, basketball, thank you, long walks.
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Cause like I said, like you like people, not just men, but just people can retaliate if they feel like they're not getting something that they are expecting from you.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, if we're ex expected to do 50-50, the other person's coming up short, so you have to make up for it, right?
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I know it can't it's uh he like you said, he's f it's frustrating, but it's just something you gotta do, right?
• 1:16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so I pull fift more than 50% during doing other things.
• 1:16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I don't think we hang out over our heads.
• 1:16:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think we communicate like this morning you communicated, he woke me up at 3 a.m.
• 1:16:19
  SPEAKER_01: That was his communication, but he had to because had he not and he held it in, it probably would have blown up.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_01: I would have been pissed off right now, and he would have been we we probably would have been in a fight, and this past episode wouldn't have happened.
• 1:16:35
  SPEAKER_03: I would have been on this episode by myself talking shit.
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Subliminally just at me, just at me, okay?
• 1:16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck that.
• 1:16:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, but I I think that's it's true.
• 1:16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like we it doesn't matter finances, emotional, kids, work, someone's always gonna be doing more than the other, but it's how you deal with it, and you can't let it dictate how your relationship or marriage runs.
• 1:17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Enough said.
• 1:17:04
  SPEAKER_03: Enough said.
• 1:17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, should step parents have the same author authority as biological parents?
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think it it depends.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think in our situation with Aiden and Mila, um I think with Aiden, because his dad is not present or as present of a as a dad as you are, I think you should have the same say as I do.
• 1:17:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think I've been doing a pretty good job of that.
• 1:17:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think with Mila, our oldest daughter, is a little bit different because she has a very present mom in her life, so I can't overstep that boundary.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I try my best to you know encourage her.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you ever need anything, I'm just I'm here.
• 1:17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm always gonna be here for you.
• 1:17:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to take the place of your mom, but just know that I am someone that if you need if you couldn't confide in your mom for whatever reason, I'm also here.
• 1:18:05
  SPEAKER_03: I think as a step parent, um having like say the dues of biological parents, I've never put I think it's I feel weird putting hands on.
• 1:18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's take out let's take out the hands part, because like No, but I'm just I'm just saying, like what about everything else?
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_03: Everything else as a step parent, I've guided, you know, like I've done man, you there's there's stages, right?
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like I think I've done my part as you know that parental role.
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like as a step parent, not putting hands on a kid, you've guided them, you've shared your knowledge, you shared your wisdom, you told them that you got them.
• 1:18:54
  SPEAKER_03: If they become, if they're at the age where they should understand that, I mean, you've done your part, and I think that's as well as like that's the same as the biological parent.
• 1:19:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like you've you you've done your part as the parent, and now it's time, you know, like for them to either utilize it, do their own thing, it's up to them now.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I think as like as a step parent, you know, having that same authority as a biological parent, yeah, I think that is.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_03: Now let's fucking switch this up now, then.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_03: I've seen this a lot on um on social media.
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_03: The bride, um, her step parent, her stepdad paid for the whole wedding.
• 1:19:39
  SPEAKER_03: The biological father was not in the picture.
• 1:19:43
  SPEAKER_03: The biological father comes in the picture all of a sudden, and the child wants the biological father to walk her down the aisle.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_03: But the stepparent raised her, paid for the venue.
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_03: Is it wrong for the step parent to pull everything back?
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a crazy ass question.
• 1:20:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:20:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I'll tell you what happened on social media.
• 1:20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, can okay, before I answer that question, I had a similar experience to this.
• 1:20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Not with the marriage, but with the birth of my first with Aiden.
• 1:20:22
  SPEAKER_01: I had my stepmom who's raised me, right?
• 1:20:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had my biological mom who was like in and out of the picture very sporadically.
• 1:20:33
  SPEAKER_01: When it was time, and she came back into my life like as I got pregnant, and I was actually really happy because my whole life I wanted to have my biological mom with me, not really, not really realizing what kind of person she was, right?
• 1:20:50
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just take that context.
• 1:20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And when it came time to give birth to Aiden, um, I felt like I was put in a position of like who's gonna be in the room with you.
• 1:21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I already knew for one, I wanted both my older sisters to be there because they they helped raise me.
• 1:21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just one of those, like, that's a given, like, they're gonna be in the room with me because there is nobody else I trust more than them.
• 1:21:16
  SPEAKER_01: My dad wasn't gonna be in the room because obviously it's my dad, you know, that's something he doesn't want to watch, and I didn't want to have my dad in the room.
• 1:21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I was, you know, I'm a minor, I'm 17 years old.
• 1:21:26
  SPEAKER_01: So then the question was because now my my biological mom is back in the picture, but very new.
• 1:21:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was happy that she was there.
• 1:21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I didn't question it because at that point, like I'm still a child, and all I know is my mom came back, and I'm having this whole childhood fantasy of my mom being back.
• 1:21:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I have my stepmom who's raised me, who's guided me, who's practically taught me majority of everything I know to be a woman, right?
• 1:21:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, Oh, I want them both to be in the room with me, but it wasn't gonna work because they my stepmom and my mom did not like each other for obvious reasons.
• 1:22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so that was put on me, like who's gonna be in your in your room?
• 1:22:15
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my step was in the room, my stepmom.
• 1:22:18
  SPEAKER_01: My mom and my dad came afterwards, and I'll tell you why.
• 1:22:23
  SPEAKER_01: I I I think I had really great I had my sisters there, and they're the ones that were like, hey, this is what your you know, her name's Charlene.
• 1:22:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is what Charlene has done for you your whole life, and it really not that I didn't already know, but it it was more of that validation of like this person raised you, didn't have to, loved and provided for you.
• 1:22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's only right that they're they should be in the room with you and have this experience with you.
• 1:22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it took me some time to really think about it, and I felt really good in the end that I had her in the room with me, right?
• 1:23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Had I picked my mom with how things developed later on in our relationship, I would have regretted it.
• 1:23:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I would have actually see if she didn't want any sh any contact with me in that moment if I chose my biological mom.
• 1:23:23
  SPEAKER_01: I would probably in that moment be really upset about that and like not understand, really understand why she felt maybe the way she did, and if she invested money, like I'm not gonna fuck this, I'm not gonna do that.
• 1:23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like in that moment, I probably wouldn't understand.
• 1:23:41
  SPEAKER_01: It probably wouldn't be until later on in life where I'm kind of having like these epiphanies of what that relationship looked like.
• 1:23:49
  SPEAKER_01: I could respect it.
• 1:23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So going to your question, I I could respect it, but sometimes you have to be the bigger person because as parents, we don't do it for the recognition, we don't do it for all these things, we do it because we genuinely love and care of this kid.
• 1:24:08
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you what happened in this um in this uh post.
• 1:24:12
  SPEAKER_03: The stepfather pulled everything back.
• 1:24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I can see that.
• 1:24:17
  SPEAKER_03: He pulled everything back.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, you know what?
• 1:24:19
  SPEAKER_03: You want your daddy to do it?
• 1:24:20
  SPEAKER_03: This deadbeat, hey.
• 1:24:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was her.
• 1:24:22
  SPEAKER_03: Have this deadbeat, pay for the service, pay for the cake, pay for the venue, I'm done.
• 1:24:29
  SPEAKER_03: Later on, he broke up with the uh with the with the wife.
• 1:24:36
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, yo, you knew you let this happen.
• 1:24:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Now I know what pos now I know where I stand in this I could see that in this thing.
• 1:24:45
  SPEAKER_03: So therefore, I was like, yo, kudos.
• 1:24:47
  SPEAKER_03: I can see that I read the comments, as there was a lot of mixed.
• 1:24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Me personally, I'm with the dad.
• 1:24:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'm with the stepdad.
• 1:24:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can see that, and I would respect that.
• 1:24:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think we've had similar situations with Aiden and his biological dad, right?
• 1:25:05
  SPEAKER_01: And the only thing that I hate is having to put the child in the middle of grown adult business.
• 1:25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um that sucks.
• 1:25:15
  SPEAKER_01: It it does suck because the you know, at the time, he has no like the kid no place in it.
• 1:25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and the kid doesn't deserve that, but in that time the kid, because I've I've been in that position.
• 1:25:30
  SPEAKER_01: You're happy to be like have your dad around and you know, or your parent, your biological parent, because that's just a natural emotion to have.
• 1:25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I like I said, like when I was a kid, I dreamed of having my biological mom with me, and I didn't understand why what prevented her from wanting to be with me.
• 1:25:50
  SPEAKER_01: Those are just natural thoughts I had.
• 1:25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't mean I didn't care and love for my stepmom.
• 1:25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm so grateful as I've gotten older for her and everything that she's instilled with me in me.
• 1:26:03
  SPEAKER_01: But as a child as an adolescent, you don't think like that.
• 1:26:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, but adults have feelings too.
• 1:26:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that scenario of the stepdad, he was probably hurt.
• 1:26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I did all these things, and this is I raised you, yeah.
• 1:26:20
  SPEAKER_03: I paid for the venue, yeah.
• 1:26:23
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm supposed to be the one walking you down that aisle.
• 1:26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:26:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's but because your biological dad reached out and now he's in your life.
• 1:26:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just you're gonna pick to the side like garbage.
• 1:26:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:26:36
  SPEAKER_03: So fuck that.
• 1:26:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like I totally understand the stepdad's thing.
• 1:26:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, nah.
• 1:26:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm quick to cut you off.
• 1:26:43
  SPEAKER_01: Shame on the mom for not standing up for that, because had I we've been in that situation and that happened to one of us, because we're both a step parent, I think I would, I would, hey, like, if it was Aiden, right?
• 1:26:58
  SPEAKER_01: I would say something like, hey, like, this is not right.
• 1:27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there there has to be a way for you to you know have your biological dad, but you cannot forget what Chris did for you.
• 1:27:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like that does not null and void.
• 1:27:13
  SPEAKER_01: And again, like I don't think the retaliation to the child should be in that that mix or that discussion, but you're valid to to have your own feelings, and I would feel like that too.
• 1:27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you didn't stand up for me.
• 1:27:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you didn't stand up for me and Mila did some some some shit like that, I think I would feel some type of way, and you not backing me up would be a different story too.
• 1:27:42
  SPEAKER_01: So Oh yeah.
• 1:27:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 1:27:45
  SPEAKER_03: It is.
• 1:27:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, good for him.
• 1:27:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would have uh give me my money back.
• 1:27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Give me my shit back.
• 1:27:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'm telling you, I would have But apart honestly though, like as much as I say that.
• 1:28:00
  SPEAKER_01: A part of me would be really empathetic for that child because again, I raised that child.
• 1:28:06
  SPEAKER_01: I loved that child like that child was mine.
• 1:28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's gonna be some part of me that's empathetic of like I gotta I gotta be the I'm the adult.
• 1:28:16
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta be the bigger person.
• 1:28:18
  SPEAKER_03: Not me.
• 1:28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Of course not you.
• 1:28:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm petty as fuck.
• 1:28:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh that your real daddy got it.
• 1:28:26
  SPEAKER_03: Your real daddy got it.
• 1:28:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm dead.
• 1:28:28
  SPEAKER_03: Give back my motherfucking car that I got you.
• 1:28:30
  SPEAKER_03: Give back the fucking college fucking money that I got I got for you.
• 1:28:34
  SPEAKER_03: I saved up for you.
• 1:28:35
  SPEAKER_03: Hey man.
• 1:28:36
  SPEAKER_03: The apartment that I got, I'm a co-payment on.
• 1:28:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm done.
• 1:28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I would have been done with everything.
• 1:28:43
  SPEAKER_03: I really hope.
• 1:28:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's a disrespect.
• 1:28:44
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's a like you old enough to know what's right and wrong.
• 1:28:47
  SPEAKER_03: At this, at this the marriage, right?
• 1:28:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:28:50
  SPEAKER_03: At this point in time, you should already know what's right and what's wrong.
• 1:28:54
  SPEAKER_03: Your moral compass should be at least 99% full.
• 1:28:59
  SPEAKER_03: That 1%, you still fucking kid.
• 1:29:01
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like you don't know any better.
• 1:29:02
  SPEAKER_03: But that 99%, it should be there.
• 1:29:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know not to fucking rob this store.
• 1:29:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know to pay this person.
• 1:29:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like you your moral compass is there.
• 1:29:11
  SPEAKER_03: And for you to choose, you know, the choices that you make, you should already know the cho that choice.
• 1:29:19
  SPEAKER_03: You feel me?
• 1:29:20
  SPEAKER_03: And the outcome, hey, you're not gonna know the outcome unless you make that either or choice.
• 1:29:25
  SPEAKER_03: Therefore, yeah.
• 1:29:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's um man, I just went on a random soliloquy.
• 1:29:31
  SPEAKER_01: And um that's soliloquy.
• 1:29:34
  SPEAKER_03: Soliloquy.
• 1:29:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's hard.
• 1:29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Raising kids really does like you, you gotta like hope and pray the values that you instilled in your kids really goes like beyond your youth.
• 1:29:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like you have to like trust that you raised them so good that their moral compass is always gonna point them in the right direction.
• 1:29:56
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, we're all human, we're all adults, we're gonna we're gonna fuck up.
• 1:30:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope in the end of that story that the kid who was getting married um really realized like you fucked up.
• 1:30:12
  SPEAKER_03: The mom and the kids they got they got mad at the stepdad.
• 1:30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like dog, I'm not so that just t that also tells me like what was you really in the marriage for then?
• 1:30:26
  SPEAKER_03: Because had you really cared and about that person, you would have stepped in and said, Hey, hey, have both of them, but it just have both of them on your own walking down the aisle.
• 1:30:36
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just clear that it was probably financial gain.
• 1:30:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because if the dad upfronting all that money for that wedding, like you got it like that, like it's a financial gain for for them.
• 1:30:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so that really does that's a tough lesson to learn though.
• 1:30:51
  SPEAKER_01: It is because goddamn, let it be me, crashing the fuck out.
• 1:30:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be up in that fucking wedding, fucking stomping on everything, like uh hand in the cake.
• 1:31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'd be so fucking pissed if that was me.
• 1:31:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's just me though.
• 1:31:11
  SPEAKER_03: That was fun.
• 1:31:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:31:12
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have any shout outs or anything, or where can these people uh find you at?
• 1:31:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, um, shout out to all my close friends and family that wished me a happy birthday this year.
• 1:31:24
  SPEAKER_01: You really made, you really made literally my whole year.
• 1:31:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm so forever grateful, you guys.
• 1:31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, shout out to Sean Ski.
• 1:31:34
  SPEAKER_01: We love you, RAP, rest in love.
• 1:31:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you're forever gonna be in our hearts.
• 1:31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then honestly, to our I and R fam, I think we've divulged a lot in the memories the last couple weeks.
• 1:31:52
  SPEAKER_01: So shout out to you guys and our fucking 1 a.m.
• 1:31:56
  SPEAKER_01: dance practices, and then my babies, Aiden, Mila, yeah, Safi.
• 1:32:03
  SPEAKER_01: I love you guys.
• 1:32:05
  SPEAKER_03: Great, that was great.
• 1:32:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um, episode dedicated to my boy Sean.
• 1:32:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um passed away a few days ago with uh some liver problems.
• 1:32:18
  SPEAKER_03: Uh hey man, episode to you.
• 1:32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for the t-shirts, thank you for the memories, thank you for all of that shit.
• 1:32:34
  SPEAKER_03: Sexy boy special, all that bullshit.
• 1:32:38
  SPEAKER_03: Nah, but this episode is dedicated to Sean Salinas in the A31.
• 1:32:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um, KF Studios, thank you for love you home.
• 1:32:47
  SPEAKER_03: Rafi Bite, always thank you for the lovely beat.
• 1:32:49
  SPEAKER_03: With that being said, I'm Chris.
• 1:32:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm Ebox, and we out this bitch, peace.