Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Celebrating 4 Years of The F.E.E.L Podcast: LIVE with Melissa Crook & Valencia Saint-Louis

Transcript

Celebrating 4 Years of The F.E.E.L Podcast: LIVE with Melissa Crook & Valencia Saint-Louis · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  Hello, Melissa Crook here. Welcome to the field podcast.
• 0:03
  So happy to have you here with us today.
• 0:06
  It is our four year anniversary officially tomorrow, tomorrow's
• 0:12
  Saturday. So we're going to do it today.
• 0:14
  We're going to kick off our Friday with a live podcast.
• 0:19
  We're going to turn the tables today.
• 0:21
  Our founder, Co founder woman who Co founded this with me, our
• 0:25
  original editor, Valencia San Louise here.
• 0:28
  And she's going to be asking me the talking points, which should
• 0:31
  be fun. And she's also going to give me
• 0:34
  a chance to share my vision for the field podcast and our whole
• 0:39
  network, the embracing layers network as we move into our
• 0:42
  fifth year. But to help you and to actually
• 0:47
  really how you can help us in in terms of our ways to engage with
• 0:51
  today's anniversary episode is let us know what has been your
• 0:56
  favorite episode this season so far?
• 0:59
  We're still finishing up our season.
• 1:01
  We got about four or five weeks left in it.
• 1:03
  Or what has been your favorite topic of conversation?
• 1:07
  Are there any topics you'd like to hear us discuss or any guests
• 1:12
  you'd like to see return? This really helps us as we're
• 1:14
  planning and trying to really create information and resources
• 1:20
  and voices and stories that you find supportive that really help
• 1:24
  you live out this field framework with us.
• 1:27
  Thanks so much for being here with us.
• 1:29
  Thanks so much for supporting our work.
• 1:31
  Your listenership and participation means the world to
• 1:34
  us. We couldn't, we couldn't do this
• 1:36
  without you because if there's nobody listening, there's
• 1:38
  nothing, no one to create for. So thank you so much I it means
• 1:43
  so much to me from the bottom of my heart.
• 1:45
  Take good care and we hope you enjoy today's live anniversary
• 1:50
  episode with myself and our Co founder Valencia San Luis.
• 1:53
  Thanks so much for being with us.
• 2:13
  For those of you that are new to us or newer to us, you may not
• 2:18
  know my lovely Co host today who is also my cofounder of this
• 2:23
  very Feel podcast, Valencia, San Luis and Valencia.
• 2:28
  In a moment, I'm going to turn it over to her and she's going
• 2:31
  to turn the tables on me and she's going to walk me through
• 2:34
  the talking points. So stay tuned.
• 2:36
  I have to answer all the questions I've been asking so
• 2:38
  many of you for four years. So yes, you get your turn to be
• 2:41
  like, now she's in the hot seat. And Valencia, I knew was the
• 2:47
  perfect person to do that because she helped me craft
• 2:49
  them. And we had this funny epiphany a
• 2:52
  few months ago when she was speaking at the mentoring yearly
• 2:58
  celebration at Adelphi University where her and I met
• 3:01
  where I was her mentor. And she was by mentee starting
• 3:04
  in the fall of 20/19/2018 when she was a student there.
• 3:09
  And we continue to work together for several years and then add
• 3:12
  stated contact. Her brother Rio is now our
• 3:15
  editor. But Valencia is one of the first
• 3:18
  people I talked to about starting the podcast.
• 3:21
  I knew she knew how to edit. I knew that she had some kind of
• 3:28
  an idea how the podcast worked and that she was a 2020 grad who
• 3:31
  needed a job. And I was like, I can't pay you
• 3:35
  much, but I could give you experience.
• 3:36
  And I think that since you and I have been accidentally on
• 3:41
  purpose practicing these talking points through the years, and it
• 3:44
  was a culmination of the work my daughters were doing, the work
• 3:48
  my husband was doing, the work my son-in-law was doing, the
• 3:50
  work I was doing, the work Valencia was doing.
• 3:53
  And we again realized, and when she said that to me a few months
• 3:56
  ago, I'm like, you're right. We did kind of unwittingly
• 3:59
  practice them. So when it came time to write
• 4:02
  them in mid spring of 2021 before we launched the podcast,
• 4:07
  they kind of organically came to be because we realized we'd been
• 4:11
  putting them into place all along.
• 4:13
  And so out of that was birth this these talking points, this
• 4:17
  feel framework as I refer to it today.
• 4:21
  And so I'm excited to have her here with me to share her our
• 4:25
  first initial editor, the pioneer that I couldn't have
• 4:28
  done this without. Also, along with Abby Bikel, who
• 4:31
  was our first social media manager, built our website.
• 4:35
  She was roommates and friends with my middle daughter, Kylie
• 4:40
  when she was in college. And so I those two helped me do
• 4:44
  this and made it possible. And so Valencia, welcome back to
• 4:48
  the Field Podcast. I'm so happy to have you here
• 4:51
  with me today. I know I'm so happy to be back
• 4:54
  to after four years, what I'm thinking about it.
• 4:58
  Four years of so many wonderful conversations, right?
• 5:01
  So much insight that you brought to to the world through this
• 5:05
  that we we just started right through bare bones stuff that we
• 5:08
  had. I hope we had to work with.
• 5:11
  It's amazing to see where the network has gone, you know,
• 5:15
  since that time. And I'm excited too, for us to
• 5:17
  talk about that as well, right? To talk about, of course, the
• 5:19
  history we got into. But even though the present day,
• 5:23
  right, which you have available for all the folks now and what's
• 5:26
  to come in the future, which I'm really excited for you to share
• 5:29
  too. Yeah.
• 5:30
  And as you mentioned, I'm definitely going to be putting
• 5:34
  you in the guest seat, the hot seat, right, to have you answer
• 5:39
  some of the wonderful talking points that are customary to the
• 5:43
  episodes. But before we get into it, I'm
• 5:45
  wondering if there's anything else on your, your mind or your
• 5:48
  heart that you want to share about kind of the heart behind
• 5:52
  the podcast, right? Especially for those familiar
• 5:55
  with that. Yeah, yeah.
• 5:57
  Thank you for that. You know, this started as a
• 6:00
  project that my husband asked me to do in March of 2021 on his
• 6:05
  birthday and he wanted to do a dream wall.
• 6:08
  And this dream wall was born out of a book he was reading at the
• 6:11
  time. And so we went to the customary,
• 6:14
  went to a movie in the morning, which he always loves to do.
• 6:17
  And then we were went home and we did this dream wall.
• 6:22
  We used one of the spare bedrooms.
• 6:24
  Our daughters were off and about at different places, college and
• 6:28
  stuff at the time. So we had some spare room and we
• 6:30
  grabbed a bunch of sticky notes and and started following the
• 6:34
  directions on how to go through and do the stream wall.
• 6:37
  And an hour later, he had a lot of ideas and things and there's
• 6:42
  some things he ended up trying and pursuing.
• 6:43
  But the but the bigger surprise was that I came up with
• 6:47
  something. I was just thought I was just
• 6:49
  kind of, oh sure, honey, I'll do that with you And out of this
• 6:52
  kindness idea of this podcast. And it really was about getting
• 6:58
  women to talk about what it means to actually prioritize
• 7:04
  yourself and yourself care and your Wellness without feeling
• 7:08
  guilty. Realizing that I had been
• 7:10
  spending much of the previous two 2 1/2 years unpacking and
• 7:16
  healing on my own journey of not operating from that way.
• 7:21
  And how I hit a wall and completely burned out in the
• 7:26
  fall of 2019 and had a series of visits to the ER.
• 7:30
  Finding out there was nothing wrong with me but a ton of
• 7:34
  stuffed, unprocessed trauma and emotions and things that had
• 7:40
  really, really couldn't stay in anymore.
• 7:42
  They rolled over and they were based on a lot of old, feared
• 7:46
  narratives girls and women start hearing when they're very young
• 7:50
  about what it means to put yourself first versus others.
• 7:54
  We heard that it was selfish rather than hearing no, you need
• 7:57
  to do that so you can fill your cup and show up well and healthy
• 8:02
  and authentically. That wasn't happening.
• 8:04
  Women were finding out the hard way later on.
• 8:07
  We were following these scripts and narratives that we were told
• 8:10
  would lead us to be the nicest, kindest, most acceptable woman.
• 8:16
  But no one was asking us what actually felt healthy and
• 8:19
  authentic to us. And so we were hitting these
• 8:22
  walls. And I knew women all over the
• 8:24
  country had lived all over the country that were running into
• 8:28
  the same thing. I was like, this has to stop.
• 8:30
  We don't have to live this way. And so how can I contribute to
• 8:35
  the conversation? And I was like, you know, pod,
• 8:38
  I'd listened to a lot of podcasts during the pandemic.
• 8:40
  I honestly couldn't have told you the name of one podcast
• 8:44
  prior to 2020. But I got very well versed in
• 8:47
  them as I was working from home and listening to podcasts and
• 8:51
  discovering all these voices that I hadn't, you know, that I
• 8:54
  may have known but hadn't tapped into before.
• 8:57
  And I was like, I think I can do that.
• 9:00
  I'm pretty good at talking to people and connecting with
• 9:02
  people. I know a lot of women.
• 9:04
  So I was like, you know, but part of the reason I wanted
• 9:09
  talking points initially was simply because I'm a talker.
• 9:13
  Anybody who knows knows me. I'm a talker.
• 9:15
  I'm like, we cannot have three hour episodes.
• 9:17
  No one will TuneIn. So we have to give me a
• 9:19
  framework to, you know, kind of keep the wheels on the bus and
• 9:24
  not let this go in too many different directions to help me
• 9:27
  keep focused. And as we did this and but I
• 9:30
  knew like in that I like I, there's some core tenants I want
• 9:34
  to be part of this. So as we started building this
• 9:36
  and I started talking to you and Abby, talking to my family as we
• 9:40
  were putting this together, I knew I wanted the acronym to be
• 9:43
  feel. I knew that was important
• 9:46
  because I knew such a part of my journey was living so
• 9:50
  disassociated for so long. And I knew how that impacted me
• 9:55
  and how it was impacting other women.
• 9:57
  And so we had to start feeling and processing and coping with
• 10:02
  and moving through these emotions and experiences that we
• 10:07
  had been stuffing that we were told were bad.
• 10:10
  I wanted to take the morality off of emotions and have the
• 10:14
  conversation that these are clues.
• 10:17
  There's no good or bad about them.
• 10:18
  They're clues. So let's take these connotations
• 10:22
  and descriptions and narratives off from them so that we feel
• 10:25
  free to actually feel them and move through them.
• 10:29
  Let's get rid of this narrative. The anger and grief are bad and
• 10:34
  that we shouldn't feel happy because the world is on fire.
• 10:39
  Know that happiness and that joy helps heal us so we can show up
• 10:43
  every day in our most authentic ways to do this.
• 10:47
  And so all of this was in my head and we talked about all of
• 10:50
  this. And through that we were able to
• 10:52
  put together the talking points. And it was kind of like, well,
• 10:55
  remember that time you talked to me about healthy boundaries?
• 10:58
  I think that should be one. OK, We knew self-care was going
• 11:02
  to be 1. Like we knew that was, that was
• 11:04
  like a tenant. But then it's like, OK, what
• 11:06
  within that? And then we knew that we wanted
• 11:08
  to like talk about processing all the emotions, all the
• 11:11
  emotions. And so I was like, OK, the
• 11:13
  connection between mental, emotional, physical health, we
• 11:16
  need to talk about that. We knew we wanted women to feel
• 11:19
  like they could show up as themselves and so
• 11:22
  unapologetically came to play. But we also knew that if women
• 11:26
  were going to really change narratives for us in the world,
• 11:31
  that we had to do it together as as a team and not and get rid of
• 11:35
  this whole competitor comparison mindset.
• 11:37
  So that formulated that unapologetically for ourselves
• 11:40
  and each other. We knew that we had to get back
• 11:43
  to ry our values, not what we've been told to do, but what felt
• 11:48
  authentic to us. So we knew that had to be a part
• 11:52
  and that fit into us living out of our own expectations versus
• 11:56
  others. But in order to do that, we also
• 11:59
  knew that we had to open the door to embrace all the pieces
• 12:03
  and parts of us. And for me, that felt
• 12:06
  organically like layers. Layers was the word through a
• 12:10
  lot of conversations with everyone that came to mind that
• 12:13
  like, OK, what does that look like?
• 12:16
  And what is one of the things my therapist had challenged me with
• 12:19
  as I was working through my layers was to get curious rather
• 12:23
  than judgmental. Meet my 8 year old self, my 10
• 12:27
  year old self, my 18 year old self.
• 12:29
  Where she was at that time and what she knew and what she had
• 12:33
  learned in the examples that she had.
• 12:36
  So that I could see her from that lens of curiosity rather
• 12:40
  than that lens of just judgement.
• 12:42
  Or what was I thinking. Which made me also think a lot
• 12:45
  about myself, talk and unpack that and become very aware of
• 12:49
  what that was and the impact that has as his women.
• 12:53
  And then that kind of the correlation in the wrap up was
• 12:56
  OK and living out and applying all these things and doing this,
• 12:59
  how does that then impact your relationship with yourself and
• 13:02
  your relationship with other people?
• 13:05
  And then in terms of the questions, I knew that women
• 13:09
  historically have been too tied up in their identity, being tied
• 13:14
  to what they did. And that's been set up by
• 13:16
  culture from day one. Many men struggle with that too.
• 13:19
  That is a cultural narrative across the board.
• 13:21
  But there was like, if you didn't have certain titles or
• 13:24
  roles, then your value was lessened.
• 13:26
  I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. We need to get rid of that.
• 13:29
  Roles, titles, they'll come and go.
• 13:31
  We need to be foundational in who we are.
• 13:34
  So to make us stand out and be a little different, rather than
• 13:37
  doing that bio of all the things everybody's accomplished, we're
• 13:41
  going to ask our guests how they describe themselves.
• 13:45
  What are your character traits? And we're going to introduce
• 13:48
  them that way and allow people to get to know them from that
• 13:51
  space. And then they can see as we go
• 13:54
  through the talking points, how they show up in the world is
• 13:57
  organically tied to who they are and how they describe
• 14:01
  themselves. And then those key questions of,
• 14:04
  you know, 5 activities that nourish you and five words on
• 14:08
  how you want to feel the next six months we knew were a great
• 14:11
  way to wrap it up and thoughts to leave our listeners with what
• 14:13
  I didn't know at the time as how the those three key questions
• 14:18
  will become such a core component of the field
• 14:20
  framework. As I took this outside of the
• 14:23
  podcast and started talking to people one-on-one.
• 14:26
  And in creating the online course that we've just created
• 14:30
  and writing in the book that Jessica Garrison wrote with,
• 14:34
  with my, you know, support and, you know, content editing.
• 14:38
  But really, she did that the hard work on.
• 14:41
  And so, yeah, I think now that I think back on it, but it was all
• 14:45
  very organic in this conversation.
• 14:49
  Yeah. And that's the beautiful part
• 14:51
  about it, right? Everything that you said,
• 14:53
  everything that you're rooted in, it comes out of real
• 14:56
  experience. And for that to just blossom out
• 14:59
  in these different ways, right? The talking points, the book,
• 15:03
  the online course, you know, the subset, the community, right,
• 15:07
  that you built. It's amazing to think that we're
• 15:12
  here, right? Yeah.
• 15:15
  With the dream on the dream wall, we're here.
• 15:19
  You. Know and, and with, with all of
• 15:23
  that wonderful gratitude and the feelings associated reflecting
• 15:27
  on all of that, I would love for us to transition into having you
• 15:32
  as a guest now and thank you right.
• 15:42
  And I want to start with, you know, understanding that yes,
• 15:46
  we, we talked a little bit about who, who you are right to me,
• 15:50
  who you are to the platform, but we want to get into how you
• 15:55
  describe yourself, right? What are some of your character
• 15:58
  traits? I am passionate, I'm ambitious,
• 16:05
  I am stubborn, I am curious. I think I'm funny.
• 16:19
  This is a big joke between my husband and I.
• 16:22
  I think I'm funny. I'm all the time saying to my
• 16:24
  husband, he's watching this right now.
• 16:25
  It's like, Oh my gosh, she's going to talk about how she has
• 16:27
  jokes because I'll say something funny and he'll just look at me
• 16:30
  like I'm crazy and or, or, or a little off my rocker.
• 16:33
  I don't, I don't want to sorry. I take back the word crazy.
• 16:36
  I think that's used erroneously many times.
• 16:38
  So I take that back, but a little like a kilter and I'm
• 16:41
  like, I got jokes. I just you're listening.
• 16:45
  So, yeah. So that will crack him up if
• 16:47
  he's listening or if anybody is listening.
• 16:50
  But but I and and, and, and just unrelenting.
• 16:58
  Like when I believe in something, I'm very unrelenting
• 17:03
  and loyal. Amazing.
• 17:07
  And I I mean from knowing you, I can validate all of that.
• 17:10
  Absolutely. I love that.
• 17:14
  And you know, Speaking of when you believe in something, you
• 17:18
  know, we were talking about the journey of the podcast, what it
• 17:20
  was born out of the real core message of self-care, right?
• 17:24
  Wanting women to embrace that too.
• 17:26
  So I'd love for you to tell me, how do you prioritize self-care
• 17:30
  in your own life? What does that look like?
• 17:33
  You know, it really for me, even since we started this four years
• 17:38
  ago, I've learned so much about this and that I have to be
• 17:45
  really cautious to make sure the things I'm doing don't become a
• 17:48
  checklist item that they're actually feeding me and being
• 17:52
  intentional about that. And so I do have a few non
• 17:55
  negotiables, like I move my body in some way every day.
• 17:59
  That's a non negotiable for me. I know that's important for me.
• 18:02
  I know that feeds my body and my soul.
• 18:05
  The thing that I think I've improved on the most is when my
• 18:09
  body is giving me cues. She needs a break.
• 18:12
  I'm starting to just clench up in my chest and my shoulders
• 18:15
  rather than I'm keep pushing through.
• 18:17
  I will get up and walk outside and do a little walk around the
• 18:22
  house, around my pool, around my backyard, take you check the
• 18:26
  mail, get something to eat, make sure I've got my water.
• 18:30
  I've got a little notification on my watch that tells me to
• 18:34
  drink water every so often. So those little things I used to
• 18:39
  just keep, I would get so honed in and so dialed in to a list of
• 18:44
  things I wanted to get done that I keep pushing those away
• 18:46
  because I very much grew up in the environment.
• 18:49
  And I think my generation dead of the environment of, you know,
• 18:53
  no pain, no gain, keep, you know, keep, do more, do more.
• 18:56
  And that's where your value lies.
• 18:57
  And I've had to spend a lot of time unpacking that and
• 19:00
  realizing that I'm actually a lot more effective.
• 19:05
  So when I take those breaks away, when I get up and walk
• 19:08
  around, when I check the mail, go outside, drink the water, or
• 19:12
  even do my workout in a time or place I wasn't expecting like,
• 19:16
  you know what? I wasn't going to do that right
• 19:17
  now. But I think I need to, I think I
• 19:20
  need to step away and, and even like realizing that now that I
• 19:25
  do this thing on my own, on my own time.
• 19:27
  It took me a while to break away from that corporate schedule.
• 19:31
  A feeling like I had to work 8 to 5 or whatever.
• 19:36
  That was a bit. Some days we're going to look
• 19:39
  different because there's sometimes that I'm showing up on
• 19:41
  the weekend for things because I record with women all over the
• 19:45
  world and there's all different times and places.
• 19:47
  So I don't have it. I already don't have a
• 19:50
  traditional work schedule. So to try to hold myself to that
• 19:53
  on a Monday when by 2:00 I'm either just tired and I'm not
• 19:57
  feeling energized anymore. I'm getting very irritable.
• 20:00
  In short, with myself and just, you know, little things are
• 20:04
  irritating me. OK, it's time to be done today.
• 20:06
  You know, it's time to step away today.
• 20:08
  And not feeling guilty about that because, oh, it's only
• 20:11
  2:30. I was like, that's not what this
• 20:14
  is about. You're not, you're not on a
• 20:16
  clock. You're not reporting your time
• 20:17
  to anybody. You're not getting a, you know,
• 20:20
  a star for just, you know, wearing yourself out.
• 20:23
  And so I think those are the way that's the way I think I didn't
• 20:26
  most come the farthest and it's, you know, it's a work in
• 20:29
  progress. Always come the farthest in
• 20:31
  myself care. I love that there's an
• 20:34
  attunement to what you need in the moment too.
• 20:37
  And there's even that, that part where you speak about your
• 20:41
  limits, right? And kind of tuning into what are
• 20:44
  my limits, honoring my limits, right?
• 20:46
  And almost like creating or acknowledging where your
• 20:51
  boundaries are with yourself, even like, OK, we'll pass this
• 20:55
  moment, right? You know, push through.
• 21:00
  And, and on that note, I think it's, it's a good way to
• 21:02
  transition to ask you, how do you go about confidently setting
• 21:05
  boundaries as well? I mean that something could be
• 21:08
  with others, but how do you go about that?
• 21:11
  Yeah, I tend to learn that especially, you know, for this
• 21:14
  work. I've had to learn sometimes the
• 21:17
  hard way because sometimes you just don't know until, you know,
• 21:20
  in my, you know, and we, we've heard several guests talk about
• 21:23
  that over the years. You don't know till you've
• 21:26
  bumped into something. And so initially when I would
• 21:30
  record for the podcast, I would just fill my schedule and I
• 21:33
  would just Monday through Friday fill my schedule.
• 21:35
  And I realized and, you know, and, and be a guest on other
• 21:39
  podcasts and take meetings and all these things.
• 21:41
  And I realized like, you know what, by the time I get to that
• 21:44
  second or third or fourth one in the day, I am not showing up the
• 21:48
  way I want to. I am kind of pulling myself over
• 21:52
  there. And I really have to like dig in
• 21:54
  to get focused and, and be as present as I want to be.
• 21:59
  I need to really rethink how I set up my schedule and when I'm
• 22:03
  in recording season and, and, and make sure that I'm leaving
• 22:08
  myself room to answer those other emails to have those other
• 22:11
  meetings. Or maybe just realize that
• 22:13
  during this time, I'm not going to do guest appearances while
• 22:16
  I'm recording for a season because that's not fair to
• 22:19
  either my guest or the person. I mean, I want to because these
• 22:22
  conversations, we get into some heady topics sometimes and
• 22:26
  they're wonderful. I learned so much from them, but
• 22:29
  also these are not light hearted discussions many times and so
• 22:34
  there is an impact that has on me as I'm coming out of them.
• 22:39
  So that was the one of the first areas in the work that I really
• 22:43
  had to set boundaries. Doing it from home and having it
• 22:46
  start as a passion project. I had to realize that even
• 22:50
  within that, I still need boundaries.
• 22:51
  I still need to take time off. I still need to make sure that
• 22:56
  I'm taking some intentional time away from all the platforms and
• 22:59
  that includes the social media part of it where I'm always, you
• 23:03
  know, I'm very active in promoting and letting people
• 23:05
  know and all those things. Very astute to that.
• 23:07
  But I got to step away from that sometimes and take a break so I
• 23:11
  can feel refreshed. So this does still, even though
• 23:14
  it's an area now where I'm working to create places to
• 23:18
  generate income because, you know, we've been supporting this
• 23:21
  out of our own pockets for the last four years and we're really
• 23:24
  trying to turn the table there where we can generate some
• 23:26
  income with really meaningful organic offerings.
• 23:31
  But that, you know, so it is work in that sense, but also it
• 23:36
  is something I love and I want it to stay that way.
• 23:38
  And in order for me to show up fresh, I've got to be more, you
• 23:41
  know, intentional. So I really try not to on Sunday
• 23:44
  engage in any way unless there's something going on specific.
• 23:47
  I really try to make Sunday a safe day.
• 23:50
  And then there's other times I'll let the team know.
• 23:52
  Listen, when we were finishing the online course, I've worked
• 23:55
  several days in a row because we had a lot of other things going
• 23:59
  on on the platform. We started dropping 2 episodes a
• 24:01
  week and we were doing the panel shows.
• 24:03
  And I realized in order to meet the deadline for the online
• 24:05
  course that I needed, that I had worked up several days in her.
• 24:09
  And I realized, oh, this isn't working well.
• 24:12
  So I let the team know, hey, the next three days I am not
• 24:15
  available unless, you know, if the house is on fire, grab a
• 24:18
  hose and we'll deal with it on Monday.
• 24:20
  I mean, I just, I knew I had to, you know, I had to step away.
• 24:25
  And so feeling, being really intentional about that and
• 24:29
  paying attention to that and then making sure too in my
• 24:33
  personal life that I am, if someone, you know, a friend
• 24:38
  reaches out actually or tries to call and I know I'm not at
• 24:41
  capacity to give her the time I want to give her, I won't take
• 24:44
  that call. And I'll text like, Hey, I'm
• 24:45
  wore out. Can we talk on Monday?
• 24:48
  Can we talk at this time? And I don't always.
• 24:50
  And you know, they're probably The only exception to that is I
• 24:52
  usually, I will always pick up my daughter's calls because
• 24:55
  they're my daughters and they don't know what's going on.
• 24:57
  And but they're even really good about, you know, saying, you
• 25:00
  know, if I call them, hey, mom, today, now is not a great time.
• 25:04
  And they're the ones that brought the whole boundaries
• 25:06
  conversation to me in the 1st. Place and my.
• 25:07
  Oldest year is the first one that introduced the word
• 25:09
  boundaries to me. You know, back in, oh gosh, I
• 25:13
  think it was 2017 or 18, about the time Valencia and I met, I
• 25:16
  was like boundaries, boundaries. What are you talking about?
• 25:20
  So I mean, what's that? I thought it was that was the
• 25:24
  state line. It was geographical for me.
• 25:26
  Like I didn't even know what it was at the time.
• 25:28
  So this whole hat thing that's happened within me in the last,
• 25:32
  you know, eight years has been quite the quite the
• 25:37
  determination, but also boundaries in my relationships,
• 25:39
  like really being mindful of who and what I give my time to and
• 25:46
  the kind of energy that requires and the kind of energy I allow
• 25:51
  in my life. And it's there's been some hard
• 25:54
  lessons along the way. There are some people I have to
• 25:56
  love from afar, a little bit more so now than I used to,
• 26:00
  because I will no longer abandoned myself to meet someone
• 26:04
  else's expectation of me. I love that you spoke to so much
• 26:13
  surrounding the boundaries piece.
• 26:15
  Boundaries that protect and preserve your mental well-being,
• 26:19
  right? Your emotional well-being too,
• 26:21
  right? What do you have the space to
• 26:23
  hold in that moment? Boundaries that help support you
• 26:27
  did not be, you know, teetering back and forth like, OK, I'm
• 26:30
  tired, I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, all of that.
• 26:34
  You spoke about how boundaries really help you prioritize
• 26:37
  different aspects of yourself and your health and even
• 26:42
  regarding your relationships to your relational health, right?
• 26:46
  How it allows you to preserve what's important to you, what
• 26:48
  matters to you, right, While still having some sort of
• 26:51
  connection with the person that you are having to which I think
• 26:53
  is a really big part of boundaries, right?
• 26:55
  Oh, yeah, like a wall. But it's not that at all, right?
• 27:01
  You know, boundaries, it's really you're, you're preserving
• 27:04
  and you're protecting something that is important to you, right?
• 27:07
  You're allowing for yourself or the other person to have a
• 27:10
  dynamic where neither of you feel depleted, right?
• 27:14
  For example, yeah, I think that's that's incredible.
• 27:17
  And and when you spoke about again, the mental well-being
• 27:20
  piece, emotional, physical, this kind of brings me to our next
• 27:23
  topic, which I'm curious about, which is how do you make sure as
• 27:29
  you make sure, OK, I'm working out every day, I'm moving my
• 27:31
  body. How do you make sure that you
• 27:33
  take care of your emotional health as much as you take care
• 27:37
  of your physical health? I mean you mentioned boundaries
• 27:39
  as one aspect. Yeah, yeah.
• 27:42
  Before we move to that, I want to point out that one of the
• 27:45
  first boundaries conversations you and I had was regarding
• 27:48
  relationships. So I think that that is, you
• 27:51
  know, sometimes that's a place we miss in the boundaries
• 27:55
  conversation, but maybe sometimes that's the first place
• 27:57
  we need to visit when it comes to the boundaries.
• 28:00
  So, so why no, no, that in terms of my emotional health, the
• 28:04
  first big piece was just even allow my allowing myself to feel
• 28:07
  them and then what? And that there was no bad or
• 28:10
  good that they were all there as clues.
• 28:12
  My body wasn't working against me.
• 28:14
  She was trying to let me know she needed something.
• 28:17
  And so I for a long time as I was really practicing and
• 28:23
  learning how to make this a habit.
• 28:25
  Because when we're trying to make shifts in our lives, our
• 28:28
  nervous system equates comfort with safety.
• 28:31
  And so it can take a while for you to naturally tune into
• 28:35
  something. So there was a several months,
• 28:37
  maybe in a couple years, that an active part of my journaling
• 28:40
  practice every day was writing down all of my emotions that I
• 28:43
  was feeling at the beginning of the day.
• 28:45
  So I could look at each one, determine where that was coming
• 28:50
  from. Is that rooted in truth or a
• 28:53
  thought from an old narrative that I need to retire and and
• 28:57
  what needed processing and moving through and how could I
• 29:00
  tend to that in a way in myself care that would allow that to
• 29:03
  happen? And so that became I've found
• 29:06
  now that I'm because I practice it that way so intentionally for
• 29:10
  so long, it really now is a more natural occurrence within me.
• 29:15
  I can be wake up in the morning and be pretty aware of all the
• 29:20
  nuances of what I'm feeling and where they come from and I but
• 29:25
  it took very intentional. I would say a couple of years of
• 29:29
  everyday release date. So I want to share that because
• 29:33
  so many times when we are making these shifts and we live so
• 29:37
  disassociated from our bodies, so much of the time when we
• 29:40
  start touching base with it, you can feel everything all the
• 29:45
  time, so much that it can feel overwhelming.
• 29:47
  I mean, when I finally opened the door to allow this to
• 29:50
  happen, all these different things were showing up in
• 29:52
  different parts of my body. There would be this numbness,
• 29:55
  this tightness, this pain, all these things.
• 29:58
  And as I slowly impact and processed and moved through the
• 30:01
  different things that had been stuck for so long, these
• 30:04
  different things would subside. But the one thing I know now is
• 30:09
  if one of them shows up again, I can tap into, that means this
• 30:13
  needs to be tended to or I need to step back from this, or I
• 30:17
  need to maybe do a little verbal journaling to kind of get it all
• 30:21
  out. Because sometimes writing isn't
• 30:23
  enough. And I just need to verbally what
• 30:26
  into my phone in a recording and then go back and listen to it to
• 30:30
  see what needs to really be unpacked and something.
• 30:33
  And sometimes it just needed to be set.
• 30:35
  So, so that's a way that I'm really mindful of and then just
• 30:39
  listening to the cues in my body, not being afraid to cry
• 30:45
  where, wherever I'm at and, and, and worried about if I'm, if I
• 30:49
  need to cry about something that I am.
• 30:52
  And if somebody asked me about it, that I'm not uncomfortable
• 30:56
  answering that I'm no longer worried about what anybody else
• 31:00
  is going to think about it. It's come up and I need to move
• 31:02
  through it. And if it's in, you know, a
• 31:04
  group of people, I might. And this doesn't happen very
• 31:07
  often. I'm gonna make it sound like I'm
• 31:08
  crying all the time. But when you're starting to
• 31:10
  process and move through things, a lot of unprocessed things,
• 31:14
  grief that you haven't processed things you haven't moved through
• 31:17
  things, little things will bring it up as you're as you open the
• 31:20
  door to this being allowed in and being and given the room and
• 31:23
  space it needs. So, yeah, I feel like, I think
• 31:26
  I'm just a lot more unapologetic in it.
• 31:28
  And I'm also, I'm communicating with people around me.
• 31:32
  But if I, I know I'm feeling heavy in a way and I look at my
• 31:35
  calendar, I'm like, I think I need to move some things this
• 31:39
  week. This is just not feel like I've
• 31:41
  got the energy for this. I I think I need to move some
• 31:45
  things around. Then I will do that.
• 31:47
  And I and I won't lead with I'm sorry anymore.
• 31:51
  I will lead with, hey, this has come up.
• 31:53
  I appreciate your patience in this as I need to make this
• 31:59
  shift and really changing the language around it.
• 32:02
  And you know, my friend Erin Copeland and I, Erin is a friend
• 32:06
  here on the network like you follow us.
• 32:09
  You've heard from quite a bit. You know, she had a series of
• 32:13
  things going on in her life where she wasn't able to show up
• 32:15
  for some panels she's signed up for and she lived with.
• 32:18
  I went so sorry. I'm like, you never need to
• 32:20
  apologize for showing up for your life.
• 32:22
  You don't ever have to apologize to me for that.
• 32:25
  And I think part of that is allowing yourself to feel all
• 32:28
  these things and then look at your calendar and be OK with, I
• 32:31
  mean, you can't be a flake and cancel everything all the time.
• 32:34
  That's not what I'm saying. But instead of pushing ourselves
• 32:37
  through, being really mindful of what we have the capacity for,
• 32:41
  not only remembering how we want to show up, but we want to make
• 32:44
  sure the other person is getting the healthiest version of us.
• 32:46
  Too. Yeah, Wow.
• 32:50
  So much, so much good. So many Nuggets that you shared
• 32:56
  from the journaling practice, which I am a huge fan of
• 33:00
  journaling. I have to say that is a practice
• 33:03
  that I recommend everybody, right?
• 33:05
  Because you get just so much insight in terms of what's going
• 33:09
  on, right? Even the sort of body scam that
• 33:12
  you were able to do associated with your emotions to the point
• 33:15
  where you then knew the connection later on.
• 33:18
  Feeling this. Maybe this is what I need right
• 33:22
  about that. The fact that you also spoke
• 33:24
  about how I loved what you said about not being afraid to cry
• 33:28
  right? Wherever you are, express
• 33:31
  yourself as you are, no matter where you are.
• 33:34
  Yeah. It's really unapologetic about
• 33:37
  that. I think it's something that we
• 33:39
  as women really, really need to hear ourselves are full selves,
• 33:45
  not the the cookie cutter great version that's always, you know,
• 33:48
  great and nice everybody and does whatever is, you know,
• 33:51
  desired for us to do in the moment.
• 33:54
  As you are right now being unapologetic about that.
• 33:57
  And I mean, honestly, I think that is truly the perfect segue
• 34:02
  to me asking you, right. How do you support yourself and
• 34:06
  other women when it comes to living unapologetically?
• 34:10
  You mentioned right telling Aaron say sorry for just living
• 34:14
  your life right for attending to your, but what are some other
• 34:17
  ways that you think you really support yourself and others with
• 34:20
  that? Well, this goes I'm going to
• 34:22
  tell a story of myself, and I've told it on the podcast before.
• 34:25
  I've been with us for a while, and it's one of my husband's
• 34:28
  favorite things he forgot to help me do.
• 34:30
  And it was learning to quit apologizing for everything that
• 34:34
  happened in the world. I was a chronic apologizer for
• 34:39
  most of the 1st 50 years of my life.
• 34:41
  And I think many women are, I know they are because I've had
• 34:44
  conversations with over 150 women now.
• 34:47
  And this comes up in the conversation all the time.
• 34:49
  And so it was something that I worked on early on, a quit
• 34:54
  apologizing for all these things that.
• 34:57
  And so my husband talked to me about this for years.
• 34:59
  And I was like, Oh, you're over exaggerating.
• 35:01
  Well, then my therapist was like, what do you think of this?
• 35:04
  I'm like, you've been talking to my husband.
• 35:06
  What is that you guys? And she's like, no, but he would
• 35:10
  be a great tag team partner in helping with this.
• 35:13
  And and I think you remember when this happened because you
• 35:16
  know, and because then I turned it on Valencia.
• 35:19
  I'm like, hey, I'm learning this thing.
• 35:21
  I think you need to do so I would became this very
• 35:26
  intentional habit of every time I apologize for something that I
• 35:31
  shouldn't have been apologizing for, my husband would like,
• 35:34
  Nope, stop. And this happened during the
• 35:36
  pandemic. So he was working from home.
• 35:38
  So he was there with me to do it all the time and he loved it.
• 35:42
  Like he took it on like, all right, let's just go in.
• 35:45
  Let's do this. And so every time I said, and
• 35:51
  this went on for a good year and a half or no stop, reframe it,
• 35:55
  no stop reframing. So I've started becoming more
• 35:59
  and more aware. And I would tell you now he very
• 36:02
  rarely has to do that with me. I can't honestly tell you the
• 36:07
  last time that had to happen. Again, going back to what I was
• 36:10
  talking about earlier, those intentional habits that are that
• 36:14
  we want to change, that we are so unaware for so many years
• 36:17
  until we finally sit down and pay attention to it.
• 36:21
  And we don't realize the number it does on us.
• 36:23
  Because when we are apologizing for everything, it changes the
• 36:27
  way we show up in a room. It sends the message whether we
• 36:32
  want it to or not, but maybe we're not sure we belong in that
• 36:35
  room or that our voice deserves to be seen, known and heard,
• 36:39
  that our voice has value in that space.
• 36:42
  And so it was like, oh, that is really the first step and
• 36:47
  showing up unapologetically. And so that was my first big
• 36:51
  step. And then I realized and
• 36:53
  something now that I talked to women about when I'm working
• 36:56
  with them, I work with a group on campus at Fresno State
• 36:59
  University of Women, the gender and leadership group.
• 37:02
  And one of the things I've told them is like, you'll ever enter
• 37:06
  a room leading with, I'm sorry, don't ever enter a conversation
• 37:11
  leading with I'm sorry. If you need to talk to your
• 37:13
  professor or your boss or a manager or you saying something
• 37:17
  a meeting you, you hey, can I have a minute of your time?
• 37:21
  OK, not right now. Great.
• 37:22
  Can we schedule? Oh, I'm so sorry.
• 37:24
  Can I have a minute of your time?
• 37:26
  No, there's a very big difference in the way I
• 37:28
  presented that. And so that in that way, we
• 37:31
  teach people how to treat us. We let people know how we feel
• 37:35
  about the space and place we're taking up in the world.
• 37:38
  So that, for me is a key component of it.
• 37:41
  And then it's also quit seeing everybody else's competition.
• 37:48
  Now the society, it's a patriarchy, is very much set it
• 37:51
  up in a way that if women are pitted against each other, then
• 37:55
  we'll just kind of keep them here.
• 37:57
  And they won't really be able to take up the space in the world
• 38:00
  that, you know, moves the power dynamic at all.
• 38:03
  And it's like, no, no, no, we're going to change the places and
• 38:06
  spaces and for women in the world to be safe and welcoming
• 38:10
  and equitable, then we have to do it together.
• 38:13
  And that means first learning how to show up unapologetically
• 38:17
  for yourself and then showing up for other women
• 38:21
  unapologetically. So that might mean, you know, if
• 38:25
  they're you're in a boardroom together and somewhat and she's
• 38:28
  trying to say something and she continually gets interrupted,
• 38:31
  you're like, no, wait a minute, Joe, I don't think Sarah was
• 38:33
  finished yet. Let's let her finish.
• 38:35
  And then, yeah, I'm sure you'll have time to say what you're
• 38:38
  going to say. And then all of a sudden she's
• 38:39
  like, oh, oh wow, she's for me. You know that.
• 38:44
  We're not climbing the ladder and kicking people off as we go
• 38:46
  up. We're climbing the ladder and
• 38:47
  building a bigger ladder and bringing women up with us
• 38:51
  because we are all made uniquely and authentically.
• 38:54
  And we aren't taught how to live into that early on as little
• 38:58
  girls. But we are.
• 38:59
  And if we are allowed to show up in the world as that authentic,
• 39:04
  fully healthy version of ourselves, no one else is like
• 39:07
  us in the world. It needs all the versions of us
• 39:10
  showing because we're going to connect with different people in
• 39:13
  different ways. So rather than me just being
• 39:17
  myself here on the podcast every week talking at you, I'm going
• 39:20
  to bring as many women on as I can to have as many
• 39:24
  conversations as I can to give you as many resources as I can
• 39:29
  to help you live out this field framework.
• 39:32
  Because I don't have all the answers.
• 39:34
  I have a framework, but there's all kinds of spaces and places
• 39:37
  for this framework that other women have resources that can
• 39:40
  feed into that that might really strike a chord with you.
• 39:44
  Just like you have a way of showing up in the world,
• 39:46
  Valencia, that will strike a chord with people that I don't
• 39:49
  strike a chord with. So we're all necessary.
• 39:52
  And then of the other piece of that that I'm so passionate
• 39:57
  about is listening to other women's stories and not
• 40:02
  assuming. We know how to show up for them
• 40:05
  because I'll use you and I as an example.
• 40:08
  You and I have a very different lived experience.
• 40:10
  Not only are we thirtyish years apart, that's obvious, number
• 40:16
  one, but we come from different ethnicity backgrounds, parts of
• 40:22
  the country, you know, all those types, you know, age, all those
• 40:28
  kinds of things that impact our experience in the world.
• 40:34
  And so I, I can't possibly know exactly how to show up for you
• 40:38
  without me actually. What feels supportive to you as
• 40:42
  a young black woman in America? What feels supportive to you?
• 40:47
  I'm not a young black woman in America.
• 40:49
  America, why you know, so why would I assume I know how to
• 40:51
  show for you? That's another so listening.
• 40:54
  So I want women to come to this platform and hear a diverse
• 40:58
  range of stories. And of course, I want you to go
• 41:00
  to the stories that you connect to, to get those resources from
• 41:05
  those women that you feel like, oh, I'm not the only one.
• 41:08
  I'm not alone that. But I also want you to go listen
• 41:12
  to the women that you don't think you have anything in
• 41:15
  common in in common with, so you can learn about them and learn
• 41:20
  how maybe you can know how to not just show up for them,
• 41:22
  specifically the women that might have other similar
• 41:26
  experiences as to them and be curious about that.
• 41:30
  And, and instead of judgmental about that, knowing everyone has
• 41:34
  a story for how they show up in the world and getting curious as
• 41:38
  how we the diverse ways we can show up in supporting each
• 41:41
  other. And that that's how we change
• 41:43
  narratives in this world for women.
• 41:46
  Mic drop. Mic drop.
• 41:48
  Exactly. And you're but you're so right
• 41:52
  though, like, I think that as a society often, right, as as a
• 41:57
  human species, sometimes we're always just going towards what
• 42:01
  is familiar, right. Oh yeah.
• 42:04
  Because they're part of my community, they're part of my
• 42:06
  neighborhood. They're part of whatever, right?
• 42:08
  And while there is real value in that, right, there is value in
• 42:12
  having no sees and, and knows that experience that you have.
• 42:16
  There's so much value in connecting with someone that
• 42:19
  from the surface, you may think you don't connect as much with,
• 42:23
  right? Or that you, you genuinely come
• 42:24
  from different sides of the world even, right?
• 42:28
  Different sides of the world, different experiences,
• 42:30
  different, you know, different contexts, right, In terms of how
• 42:35
  where you are now, there's so much value in that and how you
• 42:38
  can support them and also support others that you had
• 42:41
  mentioned too, right? Yeah.
• 42:43
  And, and it's also really important that you're hearing
• 42:47
  what it is. It's funny, earlier I did a
• 42:49
  workshop on communication and one of the things we talked
• 42:52
  about was active listening, right?
• 42:53
  So I'm loving what you mentioned about the listening because part
• 42:58
  of what happens when you really listen to someone because you
• 43:01
  understand what they value, you understand some of why they do
• 43:07
  what they do and why that's first place.
• 43:10
  Right. Yeah.
• 43:12
  I think is so important because we're telling women, OK, we want
• 43:18
  you to meaning we as in the platform embracing latest
• 43:20
  network that we want them to have their their lived
• 43:25
  experience feel empowered and showing up for themselves and
• 43:27
  others, right. We're telling them these things
• 43:30
  and and a big part of that is OK, do you know yourself?
• 43:33
  Do you know the women around me? They just do that is actually by
• 43:37
  listening to those women too. And then I think a big, big, big
• 43:43
  part of it is not just setting up expectations for how somebody
• 43:48
  should be, right? Yes, Like, OK, we're, we're
• 43:53
  going to meet this new person and we already are coming with a
• 43:55
  slew of expectations, right? Who they should be, what should
• 44:00
  happen when all the kinds of things that we just conjure up
• 44:06
  and what we as individuals kind of have to choose to do is to
• 44:10
  live out of our own expectations with that.
• 44:14
  Yeah. Journey that we're all
• 44:17
  navigating is we know there's all these different
• 44:21
  expectations, pressures, assumptions, perspectives,
• 44:24
  right? But how do I kind of center into
• 44:26
  what my experience is, what my expectations of myself are?
• 44:32
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And.
• 44:35
  Yeah, I'd love you to. Well, and.
• 44:38
  I want to shout out our friend Doctor Chatsani Williams W here
• 44:42
  because when going back to this, getting to know women and
• 44:48
  figuring out, you know, how we support each other and all that.
• 44:52
  When Chatsani matched me with Valencia, Chatsani is a mentor
• 44:56
  matching master. She really is like she's she's
• 45:00
  like she's kind of got she's got a reputation for that.
• 45:03
  And and so when she matched us on paper, I was like, how this
• 45:10
  poor girls OK with getting me. I mean, I, you know, I'm not
• 45:13
  really sure I'm what she was expecting, but you know, but you
• 45:17
  know, you know, for me, you know, the biggest thing on my
• 45:20
  right, he's like, you know, I was a first generation college
• 45:23
  student in my family. And I just want to, I just want
• 45:26
  to be the support to another young person in college, woman
• 45:31
  in college that you know, is looking for something to tap
• 45:33
  into. And so she's like, oh, I've got,
• 45:36
  she was so excited. She's like, I've got the person
• 45:38
  for you. And I was like, OK.
• 45:40
  And so she's I'm like, OK. And so I was really actually
• 45:44
  more concerned of like, I may not be what she was looking for,
• 45:49
  but then. You had a certain.
• 45:52
  I find that very interesting. Now you had your own idea or
• 45:56
  expectation of what is she expecting, right?
• 46:00
  And what about showing up as right?
• 46:03
  Yeah, yeah. But then as we got to know each,
• 46:06
  I mean, I knew after the first meeting I'm like, my gosh, she
• 46:09
  is good at this man. And I can't imagine.
• 46:13
  I mean, my life thinking about my life without ever meeting
• 46:16
  you. Well, we wouldn't be sitting
• 46:18
  here today. Yeah.
• 46:21
  I mean, you know, so the rest is history.
• 46:23
  So. But, you know, I think so going
• 46:25
  back to your point about perception, I think it's so
• 46:30
  important that we be careful with that.
• 46:32
  We get so many narratives and stories in our heads and we
• 46:36
  treat them as truth. And sometimes they're just
• 46:39
  stories and narratives and being going into something very
• 46:45
  curious rather than preconceived notions in judgment.
• 46:49
  So, yeah, so. Yeah, because I mean, part of
• 46:53
  that too is when you said the stories and the narratives and
• 46:55
  the meaning, right? Because we're all making
• 46:57
  meaning, right? As we're going through, we're
• 47:00
  all making meaning, expectations, pressures,
• 47:02
  whatever. They're all just us making these
• 47:05
  things, creating these things. But I think part of what you're
• 47:08
  speaking to with expectations as well and even building
• 47:11
  relationships, what are you actually creating?
• 47:13
  What do you want? To create expectations of
• 47:16
  yourself right that you? Wanted to that's.
• 47:20
  That's a really big piece and I'll I'll share this one thing
• 47:22
  since you mentioned us first meeting.
• 47:25
  I remember I told Missus WI said I just want the best person you
• 47:28
  have for me. And I can say without a doubt
• 47:32
  she did just that because when we met, I said there's no way
• 47:37
  that these little like synchronicities are lining up
• 47:42
  things. What we, you know, what mattered
• 47:44
  to us, what we believed in, all of that, right?
• 47:47
  And I think we had tried if we had went into US meeting with a
• 47:53
  layer of just these preconceived kind of expectations of this
• 47:57
  probably not going to work out, then I don't know if it would
• 48:00
  have flourished into what we have today.
• 48:03
  Yeah, oh, 100% and and it just required and that trust that we
• 48:07
  had that, you know, Chatsoni knows what she's doing and you
• 48:11
  know, and so. Yeah, yeah, the expectations
• 48:14
  piece, you know, so this, when you spend so much of your.
• 48:18
  You know, if people were to meet me on the surface for most of my
• 48:21
  life, I'm an extrovert. I can talk to pretty much
• 48:24
  anybody pretty easily. I don't have a lot of problems
• 48:28
  in social situations for the most part, although more social
• 48:32
  anxiety than people would think because I spent so many of my
• 48:36
  first 50 years making sure I was saying the right things in the
• 48:41
  room with the crowd I was in. And I knew I could figure it
• 48:43
  out. But if there were certain crowds
• 48:45
  that I was a little unsure of how it was going to be received,
• 48:48
  I would go in with a lot of tightness in my chest and
• 48:50
  anxiety about it versus people that I knew were my people and I
• 48:54
  could flow with. I could cover it.
• 48:56
  Well, no one knew I was anxious, but I was carrying that all in
• 48:59
  my body. And it wasn't until I started
• 49:01
  living, you know, not living disassociated anymore that I
• 49:05
  realized that that was something that I carried for years.
• 49:08
  And I realized as I did that, that I was spending so much of
• 49:11
  my time worrying about connecting with the right people
• 49:15
  and, and, and making myself malleable for them.
• 49:19
  And you know, it was, it was tricky because my husband works
• 49:22
  in an industry where over the years he's worked in very public
• 49:25
  facing positions and in different places and spaces and
• 49:31
  seasons of life, we've ran into people who really want to know
• 49:34
  us because of that very public facing position he owned.
• 49:39
  And I never really, you know, I just took it at face value.
• 49:41
  The people were and people and I showed up and I was loyal and
• 49:44
  whatnot. And we had to learn some hard
• 49:46
  lessons along the way that when we kind of put ourselves in
• 49:51
  company of people that we didn't, we missed the cues of
• 49:55
  what they really wanted out of the relationship and felt like,
• 49:58
  oh, these are the right people to be associated with.
• 50:01
  They really hurt us later on when maybe something happened or
• 50:04
  the position changed or the challenges came along and there
• 50:07
  was a shift in the narrative. And it was that at that point, I
• 50:11
  was like, no, more. I'm not.
• 50:14
  I'm, you know, I will no longer squish myself into being
• 50:17
  acceptable for anybody. I'm just going to be mean.
• 50:20
  We're going to see where the chips lie and where they fall
• 50:22
  and where they may. And my friend Joy Drake, and she
• 50:24
  was on season 1 with us. And Joy and I have known each
• 50:27
  other for, gosh, I mean, our oldest kiddos are a week apart
• 50:31
  and they're 30s. So we and we probably known each
• 50:33
  other for 28 years. I think we met, you know, when,
• 50:36
  when our oldest were about two and I think our young, our
• 50:40
  middle ones had just her, her youngest and my middle had just
• 50:44
  been born. So we've done a lot of life
• 50:46
  together over the years. And and as I was going through
• 50:49
  these different seasons of trying to like, you know, morph
• 50:53
  myself into these different spaces, Joy was just always who
• 50:56
  she was, no matter what. Never tried to force herself
• 51:00
  into spaces, Never was malleable.
• 51:03
  Who she was unapologetically all the time.
• 51:06
  Never. And never felt like she had to
• 51:08
  apologize, never had over explained.
• 51:10
  She was just always so comfortable in her own skin and
• 51:13
  how she showed up in the world. And if people didn't take her,
• 51:16
  then they didn't take her and she moved on.
• 51:18
  I mean, she just was not fazed by it.
• 51:21
  And I would just look and I craved that, that ability to do
• 51:25
  that. And I finally was able to tap
• 51:27
  into that over the last, you know, five to six years truly.
• 51:30
  Now I like I would tell you, people that know me were like,
• 51:33
  really, we didn't know that about you seemed pretty because
• 51:35
  because sometimes I think people equate someone being outspoken
• 51:39
  and opinionated with someone being really comfortable in
• 51:42
  their own skin. And that's not always the case.
• 51:47
  And so I think that's something that sometimes it can be a cover
• 51:50
  for things. I know that for me, that was a
• 51:52
  lot. Not that what I was saying I
• 51:54
  didn't believe in. I was very I'm very passionate.
• 51:56
  That hasn't changed. But it didn't automatically
• 51:59
  equate into comfort in other spaces and places.
• 52:01
  And so learning when I finally was really able to unpack my
• 52:05
  layers, unpack any shame narratives I had, I threw up in
• 52:10
  a very conservative environment with a lot of specific messaging
• 52:15
  that I had to unpack and, and heal from over, you know, over
• 52:18
  time, you know, starting in 2019 that I just have not dealt with.
• 52:22
  And as I opened the door to that, it opened the space for me
• 52:26
  to really tap into who I was. And for the first time outside
• 52:30
  of these faith spaces that had been actually making me feel
• 52:34
  very shameful and very broken. I, I, I'm like, I am not broken.
• 52:41
  I am evolving and I am growing and I am learning continually
• 52:47
  all the time to be each day to be a little healthier version of
• 52:51
  myself than I was the day before.
• 52:53
  And my friend Doctor Fanny Label and Jerry, we've met on here
• 52:56
  really helped me change the language around that from better
• 52:59
  to healthier. And I love that so much.
• 53:01
  She feels very strongly about that.
• 53:03
  I learned that from her probably a year and a half ago and I'm
• 53:05
  really mindful about that right now.
• 53:08
  I'm not going to, I'm going to try not there is a place for
• 53:12
  better, but I really like healthier more than I like
• 53:15
  better. I think it it, it gives a more
• 53:18
  holistic version. It doesn't put that kind of
• 53:20
  moralistic tone onto it or performance angle of where we
• 53:28
  placing our value and how we're performing versus knowing our
• 53:31
  value is innate. And like no longer being so hard
• 53:35
  on ourselves and removing the judgement and being able to
• 53:39
  really live out of our own and communicating those
• 53:42
  expectations. Because for years I lived in a
• 53:44
  martyr state where here I am showing up for everybody doing
• 53:47
  all the things and no one's saying thank you and no one's
• 53:50
  offering to help and well, you know, all this stuff.
• 53:53
  And I'm just like, they don't know if you don't tell them.
• 53:56
  And like they are people are not mind readers.
• 54:00
  And you and I think women as women many times were very
• 54:03
  guilty of that. We're like, we're putting off
• 54:05
  all the body language and tone of voice and they're like, they
• 54:08
  got their own stuff going on. They're not thinking about you.
• 54:11
  If you just continue to do that, they're just going to continue
• 54:14
  to let you. And it's up to you to
• 54:15
  communicate that you need something different.
• 54:18
  So that was another big key component for me is me
• 54:20
  communicating my expectations and when they shifted, being OK
• 54:27
  with the pushback I got and kind of realizing, OK, that might be
• 54:30
  some places and places where I need some healthy boundaries.
• 54:33
  They're no longer with OK with me living out of my own
• 54:36
  expectations. They were much more comfortable
• 54:38
  with me living out of their expectations of me.
• 54:42
  Wow, that's that is a word, right?
• 54:46
  Understanding that kind of how we people interact with us and
• 54:54
  they see us, they're able to build relationships with us
• 54:58
  based on what we also bring, right, what we also should.
• 55:02
  Be honest. Right, with them.
• 55:05
  And I think what's so powerful about what you're saying is that
• 55:09
  the more that you started to kind of accept those different
• 55:14
  layers of yourself, right? Except of you that is of course
• 55:18
  passionate and all the all the great things, that's easy to
• 55:20
  accept, right? Yeah, easy to accept all of
• 55:24
  that. But can we also accept the fact
• 55:26
  that there is maybe a level of nervousness around thinking
• 55:30
  about what are some of these other people's expectations of,
• 55:33
  right? The fact that even though yes,
• 55:36
  I'm coming ready to go, right, That I also feel a little bit
• 55:41
  scared of being misunderstood. Think about that exist at the
• 55:48
  same time. And one reason I really love
• 55:51
  what Fanny had said about healthier and not better is that
• 55:54
  it goes back to what you had said in the beginning to about
• 55:57
  taking out that criticism and replacing it with curiosity and
• 56:02
  being what really guides you moving forward.
• 56:05
  Yeah. You know, with that, and I like
• 56:08
  this idea of, you know, accepting those layers of
• 56:11
  oneself and kind of drawing the curious spirits about yourself.
• 56:16
  You accept yourself. I want to ask you, I want to ask
• 56:21
  you in this way, what advice would you give somebody around
• 56:27
  accepting the layered parts of themselves?
• 56:33
  I'm going to go back to what I've said already into those
• 56:36
  things in your life that sting a little that you're having
• 56:39
  trouble accepting. And, and, and let me be very
• 56:43
  clear, we don't have to love all the parts of our life.
• 56:46
  Of course our lives are nuanced and chaotic and beautiful and
• 56:53
  terrifying and sad. I mean, all those things
• 56:56
  encompass a life. It really is just getting to a
• 56:59
  place of acknowledgement of that thing and not allowing ourselves
• 57:04
  to drown in it. And so when you have that thing
• 57:10
  that's hard, get curious, Why is this hard?
• 57:13
  OK, let me go back and meet her in that state of life she was
• 57:18
  in. Let's look at who was in her
• 57:21
  life. Let's look at what she had
• 57:23
  learned. What did she know or think to be
• 57:26
  true? What had she been taught at that
• 57:29
  season? How did that inform that
• 57:33
  decision that she made that choice that she made that thing
• 57:36
  she said yes or no to, that thing she didn't do, whatever it
• 57:40
  was that thing that happened to her.
• 57:43
  And because some, many times things happen to us that are not
• 57:47
  our fault and they're horrible and they're hard.
• 57:50
  And we have to find a way to come to grips with that and heal
• 57:55
  that part and, and, and, and, and unpack any shame that exists
• 58:01
  around that and realize that sometimes terrible things happen
• 58:06
  and it doesn't have anything to do with any your, you being
• 58:11
  wrong about anything. And, and, and being able to
• 58:14
  accept that with and, and, and heal in a way that allows you to
• 58:18
  move forward. So, so I always saw in with that
• 58:21
  curiosity rather than judgment, whether it's judgment on you and
• 58:26
  also, you know, for the people that owe you apologies that
• 58:30
  you're never going to get apologies from that.
• 58:33
  You look at their stories and it doesn't mean they were right or
• 58:37
  you excuse that, but you at least get to a place of like,
• 58:41
  you know, I know about their story that they've been these
• 58:43
  three things that probably informed their decision.
• 58:45
  It was horrible and I wish they'd never done it.
• 58:48
  And it's been really hard to recover from.
• 58:51
  And I know I'm never going to get an apology from them because
• 58:53
  for whatever reason, they're not able or willing to do the work
• 58:56
  that it requires to do that. So rather than staying stuck
• 59:00
  there, I'm going to allow myself to move forward and not let that
• 59:04
  have power over me anymore. And this is hard to do.
• 59:08
  I want to be very, very clear. I'm giving very like do this is
• 59:11
  this, this takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of patience.
• 59:15
  It takes a lot of grace. It takes sometimes you got to
• 59:19
  take a pillow and bang against a wall a few million times and
• 59:22
  scream and yell. There was a one point in my, in
• 59:26
  my healing process where my therapist was like, I would love
• 59:30
  for you to find like one of those like anger rooms and
• 59:34
  there's a name form. There's like rooms where you go
• 59:36
  throw rocks and axes and do all these things.
• 59:39
  Yeah, yeah. And I didn't have one
• 59:42
  accessible, but I'm like, what if I took like a pillow?
• 59:44
  I got this brick wall outside of my house that I can't do any
• 59:48
  damage to and it can't do any damage to me.
• 59:50
  She's like perfect. And so that became my place.
• 59:54
  And she's like, and I don't want you just to kit, I want you to
• 59:59
  yell and scream and even say what you'd like to say to the
• 1:00:02
  person who did this to you, to release that, to get it out of
• 1:00:06
  you and to allow it to have the space and air to breathe so
• 1:00:11
  you're no longer carrying it. So those are the kinds of things
• 1:00:15
  I think that really help in those layers that are hard is
• 1:00:20
  finding ways to. Evacuate it from your body in a
• 1:00:24
  ways allows you to not physically and emotionally and
• 1:00:27
  mentally carry it anymore. And also realize that quit
• 1:00:34
  trying to blame yourself for things where it just it wasn't
• 1:00:38
  your fault, but get it out of you.
• 1:00:40
  Don't continue to carry it and don't stay stuck in a space.
• 1:00:45
  So yeah, yell and scream at that person that you're never going
• 1:00:47
  to get the apology from or the one that you did get the apology
• 1:00:50
  from and you're still feeling some kind of way about it.
• 1:00:52
  I mean, all those things, whatever it is you need to do to
• 1:00:55
  move through that. So that would be the thing that
• 1:00:58
  I would say for me has been so. Helpful.
• 1:01:02
  That's powerful because I'm hearing internally as you're
• 1:01:06
  speaking, I'm hearing the word compassion, like really
• 1:01:10
  compassion, compassion for others and how that really lends
• 1:01:15
  itself to things like forgiveness, acceptance, right,
• 1:01:18
  Accepting even your anger. Right.
• 1:01:22
  Right. Like that, that's part of what
• 1:01:24
  we had talked about before, right?
• 1:01:25
  Living in Apollo gently can you own your anger right and.
• 1:01:29
  Allow it to be. And because if you don't allow
• 1:01:32
  it to be, we hear as many narratives about women and
• 1:01:35
  anger, and it's not the anger itself that's the problem.
• 1:01:39
  It's what we do or don't do with it that is the problem.
• 1:01:42
  So allow yourself to feel it. Anger can be a great motivator
• 1:01:46
  to make great shifts in the world, in life, and allow
• 1:01:51
  yourself to feel it, own it, acknowledge it, and then release
• 1:01:55
  it so it doesn't become a poison to you.
• 1:01:59
  Don't continue to carry it so it turns into bitterness and in all
• 1:02:04
  the other ways it can manifest yours itself in your body.
• 1:02:07
  And in disease. There's so many things tied to
• 1:02:10
  it. If you don't release it, it's
• 1:02:12
  going to show up in other harmful ways.
• 1:02:14
  But don't deny it. It is perfectly acceptable and
• 1:02:20
  welcomed to feel it. It's letting you know
• 1:02:22
  something's going on that you need to tend to.
• 1:02:26
  Don't push it away and don't believe the lie that it's bad.
• 1:02:30
  Yep, Yep, Yep. I mean, we we've spoken so much
• 1:02:34
  to about, you know, again, listening to yourself, even how,
• 1:02:38
  and this is where I want to go with this is everything that
• 1:02:41
  you've said today speaks to how you can create a better
• 1:02:44
  relationship with yourself and others.
• 1:02:48
  Self-care the boundaries right down to OK, how how do you
• 1:02:52
  decide to live unapologetically and support other women in doing
• 1:02:55
  so right. Even the topic of forgiveness
• 1:02:59
  yourself and also for the relationships that you're that
• 1:03:02
  you're in and something that I'd like us to do before we get into
• 1:03:07
  our rapid fire questions. I'd love for you to tell me when
• 1:03:11
  you can think about living out, feel right, finding and racing
• 1:03:16
  layers. What does that mean to you?
• 1:03:19
  What does it look like? How does it affect relationships
• 1:03:22
  as well? Yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:26
  For me, it's this whole combination of everything we've
• 1:03:28
  been talking about and the one thing the and when you're able
• 1:03:31
  to get, you're able to identify those things that nourish you.
• 1:03:35
  When you're able to fill your space in your life with that,
• 1:03:38
  When you're able to know your value and embrace your layers.
• 1:03:42
  When you're able to identify what your expectations are
• 1:03:45
  versus others, what your why and your values are and how that
• 1:03:49
  feeds into your life and your expectations and your healthy
• 1:03:53
  boundaries. They all feed into each other
• 1:03:55
  and you get very clear because when you get clear in your
• 1:03:57
  expectations, that helps a lot of that feeds, you know, a value
• 1:04:02
  that I had a hard time accepting for a while as I finally was
• 1:04:05
  getting clear on what mine were versus what I've been told they
• 1:04:08
  should be. And I would have told you for
• 1:04:09
  years, Oh no, I live out of my own expectations.
• 1:04:12
  I know what my why and values are.
• 1:04:13
  And I wasn't until I really went on this journey starting in the
• 1:04:16
  fall of 2019 that I realized sprinkled with a little bit of
• 1:04:20
  both, we need to get real serious and truthful with
• 1:04:23
  ourselves about this. One of my values that I I was
• 1:04:27
  able to identify was travel. And that felt very frivolous to
• 1:04:32
  me because I was still working through that mindset of being
• 1:04:37
  productive and making an impact and everything you do.
• 1:04:41
  And I remember my and I'll get back to the travel in a minute.
• 1:04:45
  This is going somewhere, I promise.
• 1:04:47
  But I remember my therapist saying something to me one
• 1:04:49
  weekend. She's like, I don't want you to
• 1:04:52
  do any work on yourself this weekend.
• 1:04:55
  I was like, excuse me? She's like, I just want you to
• 1:04:59
  show up in the world with no agenda, no checklist.
• 1:05:05
  I just want you to be what feels refreshing.
• 1:05:08
  Do not because it's good for your blood pressure, because you
• 1:05:11
  want to do it. Go do something fun.
• 1:05:14
  Not because of some health benefit.
• 1:05:16
  I was always tired, you know, but because just for the heck of
• 1:05:19
  it. And that actually helped me.
• 1:05:24
  Oh, it's OK. That travel is a value of mine.
• 1:05:27
  Travel refreshes me. It sparks and feeds my curiosity
• 1:05:32
  about the world and about the people and the different parts
• 1:05:36
  and ways that we interact with each other and the different
• 1:05:39
  parts and ways that different cultures exist that are new.
• 1:05:43
  And another insight in a way that I can tap into that might
• 1:05:47
  be useful for me too. It helps me to see outside of my
• 1:05:50
  own window of life that there are other ways to exist in the
• 1:05:55
  world. There's other kinds of beauty.
• 1:05:57
  There's other kinds of food and things to enjoy and ways to
• 1:06:03
  travel and move in the world outside of what I know here in
• 1:06:08
  my own state, my own city, in my own country, you know?
• 1:06:12
  And so it's like, Oh yeah, I see now why travel is a value of
• 1:06:17
  mine. It's yes.
• 1:06:18
  I love seeing new places. Like that's always, ever since I
• 1:06:21
  was a little kid, as far back as I can remember, whether it was a
• 1:06:25
  45 minute drive to a place I'd never been to before or a trip
• 1:06:28
  to Yellowstone Park. I love seeing new places and
• 1:06:34
  it's always been a part of me. And I, there was a curiosity
• 1:06:42
  that came up with within that and it stayed with me.
• 1:06:44
  And so that really helped me to, you know, see and embrace travel
• 1:06:49
  as one of my values, which then helped me embrace that part of
• 1:06:53
  me, which then allowed me to relate to myself.
• 1:06:57
  I'm like, oh, I've got these values of loyalty and, and
• 1:07:03
  passion. And then there's travel.
• 1:07:06
  That's my kind of silly, frivolous 1, you know, and the
• 1:07:09
  and I was instead able to like and travel and light up about it
• 1:07:13
  and not feel like it was like I like I had to explain it to
• 1:07:17
  people because the other thing that has been an important part
• 1:07:21
  of me living out field is to stop explaining everything I do.
• 1:07:27
  I was the codependent over explaining champion of the world
• 1:07:31
  for most of my life. And I wouldn't have told you
• 1:07:34
  that I was, but I learned that I was.
• 1:07:36
  And it was a hard pill to swallow because I really, really
• 1:07:38
  held on that I'm independent and strong and I don't need anybody.
• 1:07:42
  And that worked against me too, because I had to learn to allow
• 1:07:45
  people in places that were healthy for me into this spaces
• 1:07:48
  to supporting these things. But also realizing that the
• 1:07:51
  codependency did exist and it had, it had a, it had a, it had
• 1:07:55
  a solid reason, but it didn't, wasn't serving me anymore.
• 1:07:58
  And I needed to unpack that and that allowed me then to embrace
• 1:08:03
  these other parts of me and stop apologizing and feeling like I
• 1:08:06
  had to over explain why I was changing my mind, why I was
• 1:08:10
  saying no and I was and my daughters would say to me, Don
• 1:08:15
  don't have to explain it. We got it stopped too many words
• 1:08:19
  and it wasn't them doing it over time and realizing no and yes
• 1:08:24
  are enough. And and and I don't.
• 1:08:28
  And so that so it all fed into me of being able to accept all
• 1:08:32
  these pieces and parts of me knowing I deserved a voice in a
• 1:08:35
  room, knowing it was OK to say no.
• 1:08:37
  And you know, Valerie Rivera is was a guest in season 4.
• 1:08:42
  She's going to be a guest again in the fall.
• 1:08:44
  And she said, and I quoted this a gazillion times on our
• 1:08:46
  platforms and I think Jessica even referred to it in the blog
• 1:08:49
  this week because it's one of the smartest things I've ever
• 1:08:52
  heard is whatever you're saying yes to, you're saying no to
• 1:08:57
  something else. You better be OK with what it is
• 1:09:01
  you're saying no to. And I take it a step further.
• 1:09:04
  I'm like, make sure that you're never saying no to you no longer
• 1:09:10
  abandoned yourself to meet somebody else's, whatever of
• 1:09:14
  you. And if you can live your life in
• 1:09:17
  that way and allows you to really live out feel, and then
• 1:09:21
  that changes the way you show up in relationships.
• 1:09:24
  It also creates a set of, you know, when you can be that way
• 1:09:27
  with yourself, you can be that way with other people so much
• 1:09:30
  more. Oh, in a greater awareness.
• 1:09:33
  You're also not going to allow people in in your spaces to take
• 1:09:35
  that energy from you that that are going to ask you to abandon
• 1:09:40
  yourself. You are you're also going to
• 1:09:43
  show up fully present because you know your own value.
• 1:09:46
  You know the need to fill your own cup.
• 1:09:48
  You're paying attention to the signs and signals when it might
• 1:09:51
  be time to step away from a conversation when it's getting
• 1:09:54
  too heated. You're no longer defensive when
• 1:09:57
  someone asks to step away. And because I used to be like,
• 1:10:00
  we're going to finish this and now I'm just like, yeah, that's
• 1:10:04
  probably a good idea. Which then allows for healthier
• 1:10:06
  communication and healthier respect.
• 1:10:09
  And so it just, it not only changes the wish, you know, how
• 1:10:12
  I show up for myself, it impacts how I show up for others and the
• 1:10:15
  message I send to others about what my non negotiables are.
• 1:10:20
  Yeah, that's oh, there's so much good in that, right.
• 1:10:25
  I didn't. You're in your answer from, like
• 1:10:28
  you had said, how you show up for yourself and how you show up
• 1:10:30
  for others. And we forget the fact that
• 1:10:32
  those are linked so closely together.
• 1:10:37
  It's not I'm showing up for myself over here and I'm showing
• 1:10:39
  up for others here. These all feed into one another.
• 1:10:43
  Right, they do. They do.
• 1:10:45
  They really do. And I'm so glad that you shared
• 1:10:48
  so much of how you live out feel, how others can live out
• 1:10:51
  feel too. And I'd love for us to
• 1:10:53
  transition into some of our rapid fire questions.
• 1:10:57
  So if you're not familiar on the podcast, towards the end, we do
• 1:11:00
  2 rapid fire questions for our guests.
• 1:11:03
  And the first one I have to ask you is what are 5 activities
• 1:11:08
  that nourish you? I know you mentioned a few at
• 1:11:10
  the top of our Times 5 activities that nourish you.
• 1:11:15
  Anytime I can get in the sun by the water, whether it's a
• 1:11:20
  mountain lake, the ocean or my swimming pool, which I'm very
• 1:11:23
  lucky to have. Now I have a swimming pool for
• 1:11:25
  the first time in my life. The last two years.
• 1:11:27
  It was kind of one of my one of my negotiations when Brady's
• 1:11:30
  like we're moving to Fresno, CA like where's 105 every day
• 1:11:33
  during the summertime. So cool.
• 1:11:38
  And so, yeah. So anyway, so anytime that just
• 1:11:42
  like grounds me, that connects me, the ocean has an impact on
• 1:11:47
  me that I cannot describe. Like it just washes a summer
• 1:11:51
  lake. Lake Chelan is one of my
• 1:11:52
  favorite summer lakes in Central Washington, Lake Ponderay and
• 1:11:56
  North Idaho. I grew up a lot going to Lake
• 1:11:59
  Mayfield and Lake Merwin like lakes were a big part and also
• 1:12:02
  going to the ocean a lot grew up in the state of Washington going
• 1:12:05
  to the ocean a lot on the Washington and Oregon coast a
• 1:12:08
  lot. So I love anytime by the water
• 1:12:10
  time in the mountains. We live, you know, an hour and a
• 1:12:13
  half from three national national parks and the Sierra
• 1:12:16
  Nevadas. I love that so much.
• 1:12:18
  We just spent some time in Sequoia National Park over
• 1:12:23
  Memorial Weekend. That was so filling to me.
• 1:12:27
  And, and so, yeah, so getting up into the mountains, I'm a, I'm a
• 1:12:30
  PNW girl heart, Pacific Northwest girl heart.
• 1:12:33
  I love, give me my mountains, my ocean, my lakes, my trees.
• 1:12:37
  I'm all about it. I didn't.
• 1:12:39
  And it was, it was interesting living all over the country
• 1:12:42
  because it's like, oh, not everybody has a mountain.
• 1:12:45
  This is available. Where's the mountain?
• 1:12:49
  Yeah, because I grew up with Mount Saint Helens in my
• 1:12:51
  backyard. And I guess I was there.
• 1:12:53
  I was 10 years old when that thing blew in in 1980.
• 1:12:56
  But yeah, So just that. So those things are very
• 1:12:59
  nourishing me. Travel, travel.
• 1:13:01
  I just love to travel, go to new places.
• 1:13:04
  What haven't we seen yet? Go back to familiar places that
• 1:13:07
  we love. And then in the time with my
• 1:13:09
  family, you know, just so nourishing to me that time with
• 1:13:13
  my daughters, my husband, my, my sister in law's, my I've got a
• 1:13:21
  wonderful, I have both wonderful family members chosen and, and,
• 1:13:26
  and actually related to that, that fill my life with so much
• 1:13:30
  joy and that I'm so thankful for.
• 1:13:33
  Is that 5? Yeah, yeah, I love it.
• 1:13:36
  We. I know, now I know how that
• 1:13:39
  feels. More or less, we're with you.
• 1:13:45
  We're with. You OK?
• 1:13:47
  OK. Evidently nature, loved ones,
• 1:13:50
  all of that. Yeah.
• 1:13:52
  And I would ask, too, with all of that, you know that gratitude
• 1:13:56
  in mind, the things that really nourish you, What would you say
• 1:14:01
  if you're looking forward, right?
• 1:14:02
  What are 5 words that describe how you want to feel in the next
• 1:14:08
  6 months? I want to throw good food like a
• 1:14:12
  good local restaurant back into if that makes 6 activities that
• 1:14:16
  nourish me. Love a good local restaurant
• 1:14:19
  with farm to fresh, farm to table kind of stuff.
• 1:14:21
  Love that. And by OK, 5 words and how I
• 1:14:24
  want to fill the next six months nourished.
• 1:14:36
  Accomplished and, and not in the traditional way that we think of
• 1:14:41
  accomplished. I've really learned how to
• 1:14:43
  redefine what winning means the last couple of years.
• 1:14:46
  And I was really keen for my current therapist here in
• 1:14:48
  Fresno. She asked me a few months ago to
• 1:14:50
  start tracking my daily wins and not daily wins.
• 1:14:53
  And oh, we got this many downloads this week or we, you
• 1:14:57
  know, whatever. I've got this many speaking
• 1:14:59
  engagements, but wins in how it was tending to me.
• 1:15:02
  So you know, so so accomplished, but being able to embrace that
• 1:15:07
  in all the parts of my life and really live that because I still
• 1:15:12
  tend to. I am very competitive and so
• 1:15:14
  sometimes if things aren't, I am very much a oh, OK, we did this
• 1:15:19
  move forward. OK, we did.
• 1:15:20
  I don't necessarily take time to celebrate the wins in the moment
• 1:15:24
  in the time. I'm like great work four years.
• 1:15:25
  What are we doing now? You know, what are we doing for
• 1:15:27
  the 5th year? You know, and not really sitting
• 1:15:30
  in that so accomplished in that really being able to take really
• 1:15:33
  be able to actually to feel the accomplishment for all that's
• 1:15:37
  been instead of just looking at that next thing because I still
• 1:15:41
  struggle with that because and a guest turned the tables on me on
• 1:15:44
  this about a month ago. And Maria and by you're going to
• 1:15:47
  get to hear from her in the fall.
• 1:15:50
  And I met her when I spoke at A at A at a seminar in Southern
• 1:15:56
  California in early May and I'm recording with her and she's
• 1:15:59
  like, Melissa, do you feel accomplished?
• 1:16:02
  Was like, wait a minute, I'm asking you questions, lady,
• 1:16:05
  what's happening here? And she's, you know, very, very
• 1:16:08
  smart 30 something that you know, and I was like, that's a
• 1:16:12
  really actually important. So I want to feel accomplished
• 1:16:15
  in a way that's healthy, not in a way that's chasing.
• 1:16:18
  And my friend Rachel Lavin said this on a panel a month ago, and
• 1:16:22
  it has stuck with me. I can't, you know, when those
• 1:16:25
  words come up in your life that are continually showing up in
• 1:16:28
  the universe, that God or the universe or whoever keeps
• 1:16:31
  dropping in your spaces because you need to be reminded of it.
• 1:16:35
  Ever since she said no chasing, I was like, I, I think I've been
• 1:16:40
  doing a little chasing lately and in trying to hit numbers and
• 1:16:45
  different things instead of just accepting where I am and
• 1:16:48
  continuing to let things happen organically.
• 1:16:51
  I can't I that's come up 100 times in the last month.
• 1:16:54
  So Rachel, the chasing thing, you planted a seed there and I
• 1:16:57
  am not kidding. No chasing is and and because
• 1:17:00
  that's how much of a reminder I need of it right now.
• 1:17:02
  So feeling accomplished in a very organic, healthy way into
• 1:17:06
  what I've actually done here. Like if I could step back and
• 1:17:10
  look and pretend that I, if I were looking at you doing this,
• 1:17:16
  I would be like, Oh my gosh, with Lindsay, you're amazing.
• 1:17:19
  I mean, I, I can be a very good rah rah person in your life.
• 1:17:26
  So can I being more of that rah rah person in my own head for
• 1:17:31
  me. So that's what I mean by
• 1:17:33
  accomplished healthy, like holistically healthy in in in my
• 1:17:40
  personal health, my physical health, my mental health, my
• 1:17:44
  emotional health, my relational health, just holistically
• 1:17:47
  healthy. I feel like I want to feel
• 1:17:55
  appreciated and which probably sounds kind of funny based on
• 1:18:02
  all that we've talked about, but there's just spaces and places
• 1:18:05
  that that maybe it's and that it's probably there that I'm
• 1:18:09
  just not recognizing it. So not missing it, but also feel
• 1:18:12
  appreciated, feel seen for who I am now.
• 1:18:23
  I think, you know, I am not the same.
• 1:18:26
  There's some character traits about me that we talked about it
• 1:18:28
  front. They're still the same.
• 1:18:30
  Like if you were just to see me on the surface today, you would
• 1:18:32
  not think I was all that different just from how I
• 1:18:35
  present. But but in my core, I'm very
• 1:18:38
  different than I was 10 to 15 years ago.
• 1:18:40
  I'm one of much healthier, but I've also had a lot of things
• 1:18:43
  that I've gone through that have really changed my views and
• 1:18:45
  values and perspectives on things.
• 1:18:48
  And so to be seen for who I am today as as I am currently, and
• 1:18:53
  then loved. I love that.
• 1:19:02
  Wow, Those are some really powerful reflections.
• 1:19:07
  And this is a celebration, too, of all that's grown over the
• 1:19:12
  past four years, right? Yeah, We're talking about how
• 1:19:15
  the platform has grown, but we're also talking about how
• 1:19:17
  you've grown, too, right? The ways that you've changed and
• 1:19:21
  evolved and how the show also the network has changed and
• 1:19:25
  evolved along that time too. I think that in the spirit of
• 1:19:29
  really celebrating that right, I'd love for us to, I'd love for
• 1:19:33
  you to talk to and walk us through what are we, what are
• 1:19:37
  you celebrating when it comes to our four years together?
• 1:19:42
  I have met the most incredible, remarkable women and some men
• 1:19:50
  too, like I don't want to throw, you know, there, but but this
• 1:19:53
  is, you know, focused on women throughout the world, like the
• 1:19:59
  people I have conversations with in relationships now throughout
• 1:20:03
  the earth. I am just like and think, you
• 1:20:08
  know, thank you. Technology, as much as we want
• 1:20:09
  to yell at it a lot of times, I mean, it's, it's made it
• 1:20:12
  possible that I am just like, I can't imagine not knowing them,
• 1:20:17
  not meeting them. These women that are regularly I
• 1:20:21
  have, I have a there's a core group.
• 1:20:24
  Of. I I'm not going to get the
• 1:20:26
  number right, 10 to 15, maybe 20 women now might have gone to
• 1:20:30
  that. Just show up all the time for
• 1:20:32
  things that are always willing to go on that next adventure
• 1:20:34
  with me that are always willing to say yes and try new things
• 1:20:38
  and just trust me. And we've just built this, these
• 1:20:41
  relationships with each other and where we show up for each
• 1:20:45
  other, we support each other, we really live out.
• 1:20:47
  And I, that was kind of the unexpected part.
• 1:20:50
  I was putting this content out in the world and we were
• 1:20:54
  collectively because I wanted women to have it in their hands
• 1:20:58
  to utilize for themselves, to know what they could, what could
• 1:21:01
  be for them. I, I did not factor in all of
• 1:21:06
  the women I would meet along the way that we're doing this with
• 1:21:09
  me and their way and how we could collectively come together
• 1:21:12
  and support each other and doing it as a whole.
• 1:21:15
  And, and how much those relationships mean to me now.
• 1:21:19
  I, I just could have never imagined that.
• 1:21:22
  So, so grateful for that, so grateful for them.
• 1:21:25
  I'm afraid I, I, if I start naming them, I'll forget people
• 1:21:29
  and then I'll feel terrible. So I hope you know who you are.
• 1:21:32
  And if you don't know who you are, you are, then yell at me
• 1:21:34
  and tell me that you, I, I need to do a better job of modeling
• 1:21:37
  that to you. But I, but I think I'm pretty
• 1:21:39
  good at that. I, I love celebrating wins.
• 1:21:43
  I will use one example. I will use one example.
• 1:21:45
  So one of my favorite things that I would have never imagined
• 1:21:48
  would happen. And when I started this four
• 1:21:50
  years ago, it's one I never saw anything beyond the podcast.
• 1:21:54
  You know, I, I was sitting in my closet.
• 1:21:56
  You were sitting in New York trying to figure out how to edit
• 1:21:58
  it. Abby was building a website and
• 1:22:00
  we were just figuring out how to make it go one week at a time.
• 1:22:04
  I would have never imagined that it would become all it is today.
• 1:22:08
  And but within that, I would have never imagined the women
• 1:22:13
  that would not only meet me, that would meet each other
• 1:22:16
  through different things I did. And so we had a panel last fall
• 1:22:21
  on our 2024 radio show on the a shout out to Lori Carice for
• 1:22:26
  giving me that opportunity in 2024.
• 1:22:30
  And we had a panel and it involved our friend Rachel
• 1:22:34
  Lavin. And and Kim Mosman was a new
• 1:22:36
  friend. I've known Rachel for a couple
• 1:22:38
  years at that point. Rachel's one of those people
• 1:22:40
  that always says yes, she and Aaron Copeland that Laura
• 1:22:44
  Telosi, a couple of them. I said, I want them to start
• 1:22:47
  saying names and I'm saying names.
• 1:22:48
  I'm going to get in trouble and forget somebody.
• 1:22:49
  But you know, anyway, always see it So so and so Kim was this new
• 1:22:53
  friend that I met and you're good friends at pod match.
• 1:22:57
  Got to think are good friends at pod match because honestly, so
• 1:22:59
  many of these relationships have come out of our good friends at
• 1:23:02
  pod match. And so I write them on this
• 1:23:07
  panel together and I had a feeling going into I'm like
• 1:23:09
  those two are going to connect. Their stories are different but
• 1:23:11
  similar enough. I'm like those.
• 1:23:14
  I think those two are really going to connect because
• 1:23:16
  whenever I put these panels together, sometimes people ask
• 1:23:19
  to be on them based on what the topic is and other times I'm
• 1:23:21
  asking them. And this was one where I was
• 1:23:23
  asking them. I looked I'm like those two will
• 1:23:25
  go to get together. They'll have different things to
• 1:23:26
  say, but it also similarities. So there'll be some good back
• 1:23:29
  and forth. And, and, and I was right about
• 1:23:34
  that. And not only did they connect,
• 1:23:36
  but they have now created their own podcasts together.
• 1:23:41
  And I just, Oh my God, I can't even hardly talk about it
• 1:23:44
  without tearing up. When they told me, I shrieked
• 1:23:47
  like I was a little like, I was so excited, like I could not.
• 1:23:51
  I'm like, I cannot believe this, that not only has this birth,
• 1:23:55
  this relationship with all of us together and the ways that we
• 1:23:59
  support each other, which are numerous.
• 1:24:02
  I mean, Rachel has redesigned my closet.
• 1:24:04
  Kim has helped me write the workbook that goes with our
• 1:24:07
  online course. And now these two have come
• 1:24:09
  together and created this this magical thing.
• 1:24:12
  And so that is just something I could have never, ever imagined.
• 1:24:17
  And just the ability to be able to like really trust my
• 1:24:22
  intuition. This podcast was the first thing
• 1:24:24
  I ever did in my life where I didn't have an expectation.
• 1:24:27
  Like it feels like the right thing to do, so I'm going to do
• 1:24:30
  it. We'll see what happens.
• 1:24:32
  And which was that in itself was a new thing for me because I
• 1:24:35
  never did anything without some kind of expectation before.
• 1:24:40
  And so that was actually the interesting, you know, kind of
• 1:24:44
  first clue that maybe this is actually what that's supposed to
• 1:24:46
  feel like when you really live out of your authentic self and
• 1:24:49
  trust yourself. But within that has come all
• 1:24:52
  these other things that we're not.
• 1:24:54
  I did not do it in the traditional way.
• 1:24:57
  And I had different voices in my life saying, you might be doing
• 1:25:01
  this a little backwards or that might be too much at one time
• 1:25:05
  that you're doing here. And that might be confusing for
• 1:25:08
  your followers. And they, it's not that they
• 1:25:10
  were wrong. Like I don't, I want to say it's
• 1:25:12
  not that they were wrong so much as like, I just decided not to
• 1:25:16
  let that stop. I just like, you know, what this
• 1:25:19
  is going to be, what it's going to be.
• 1:25:21
  And from a, from a business standpoint, they're probably
• 1:25:24
  right. But also this feels like the
• 1:25:26
  next right thing. And my whole goal here is to
• 1:25:30
  make sure that this framework and this content gets to women
• 1:25:34
  in as many ways as possible in a way that feels organic to them.
• 1:25:37
  And one of the things that came to me is, you know, one of my
• 1:25:40
  really close friends and she was a guest in Season 1.
• 1:25:42
  We've been friends for 30, five years now or something like
• 1:25:46
  that. She's not a podcast listener.
• 1:25:48
  She's like, I'm just not a podcast person, but she'll read
• 1:25:50
  a book in a nanosecond. Like she loves reading.
• 1:25:53
  So that was like, OK, So when the book idea came up, I wasn't
• 1:25:56
  originally thinking about it, but it made sense based on what
• 1:26:00
  I knew from relationships in my own life.
• 1:26:02
  And that's kind of how everything else was kind of bore
• 1:26:04
  out. It was, you know, the radio
• 1:26:06
  show. It was a great experience.
• 1:26:08
  We only did it for a year, but I learned so much from that and a
• 1:26:11
  ton of the women that are part of our network now.
• 1:26:14
  I was able to give a space on those shows, on those panels
• 1:26:18
  before there was room on the podcast.
• 1:26:20
  And if I hadn't had that space to give them a voice, I would
• 1:26:23
  have not gotten them on the podcast in time or we would have
• 1:26:26
  been able to grow our relationship in the way.
• 1:26:28
  And we also came up with the panel's idea, which we have
• 1:26:30
  continued into 2025. So that had its own season, that
• 1:26:35
  even though it was just a year, I learned so much from it.
• 1:26:38
  And also listen to myself when it was time for it to be done.
• 1:26:41
  Like I knew that it was time for it to be done.
• 1:26:43
  And I love. And I followed that and trusted
• 1:26:46
  that intuition. And then the same thing kind of
• 1:26:48
  continued as I started to speak. And like, I, you know, I love
• 1:26:54
  when I talk to people about this in person.
• 1:26:56
  They're like, oh, my gosh, you're so passionate about this.
• 1:26:58
  Yeah. It's hard to shut me up about
• 1:27:00
  it. I know.
• 1:27:02
  So, yeah. So that became like, OK, so how
• 1:27:05
  can I put myself out there and start speaking and talking to
• 1:27:08
  people in person about these things?
• 1:27:09
  What does that look like? And then this, this last kind of
• 1:27:13
  addition with the online course and, you know, is was being
• 1:27:18
  like, you know, I can't always get in front of everybody all
• 1:27:21
  over the world all the time. But if I create this online
• 1:27:24
  course, they purchase it upfront, but then they got it
• 1:27:27
  forever. They have it forever to go back
• 1:27:30
  to, to go through again. And my hope is that they'll go
• 1:27:33
  through it in groups, whether it's your women's organization
• 1:27:37
  or your team or your corporation or your Neighborhood Association
• 1:27:41
  or your best friends, whatever it is, or if you want to go
• 1:27:44
  through it solo 1st and then share it with your book club,
• 1:27:46
  whatever it is that you that you got it.
• 1:27:49
  And then you can revisit it. You can go through it on your
• 1:27:51
  own time and you've got this workbook that Kim was so wise to
• 1:27:56
  say to me. You know, Kim and Aaron and
• 1:27:59
  Laura Shalosi and Ashley Connor Haley were part of my beta group
• 1:28:03
  for that. They gave me such important
• 1:28:05
  feedback. And Kim was like, you need to
• 1:28:08
  work for this. You got to have.
• 1:28:09
  And I'm like, you're right. And that's why it's so important
• 1:28:12
  to have those voices in your life that you trust to defeat
• 1:28:16
  that into you. And, and as I was finishing this
• 1:28:18
  up, and I told you this a couple weeks ago when we were talking
• 1:28:22
  that I knew in that moment I'm like, this might be the best
• 1:28:26
  thing I've ever created. And this completes the, the
• 1:28:31
  platform. We've got all the pieces there.
• 1:28:33
  Now. I didn't know when we started
• 1:28:35
  this four years ago that I was even looking to create a
• 1:28:38
  platform. We were just trying to get on
• 1:28:40
  for every week and have conversations with women every
• 1:28:43
  other week at the time and have conversations with women to get
• 1:28:46
  the conversation going. And it was over time, as I
• 1:28:49
  continued to listen to myself and trust myself and build these
• 1:28:52
  relationships in these networks and learn these things, that
• 1:28:55
  these things organically came out.
• 1:28:57
  So as much as it didn't make very good business sense the way
• 1:29:01
  I did it, I couldn't have done this four years ago.
• 1:29:04
  I didn't even know what I didn't know.
• 1:29:07
  Where I am today is where I needed to be for all of this to
• 1:29:11
  come to fruition. I didn't.
• 1:29:12
  It didn't have it in me yet four years ago.
• 1:29:14
  So I think the last thing I'd really say is just trusting your
• 1:29:17
  intuition on all of those things and not letting others dissuade
• 1:29:22
  you from what you know inside is the next right thing for you to
• 1:29:25
  do. Wow.
• 1:29:28
  So we are celebrating so much today.
• 1:29:32
  We're celebrating relationships, community, creativity, curiosity
• 1:29:37
  and following your intuition. That is incredible.
• 1:29:41
  Look at how much how, how many things have been born out of
• 1:29:45
  that, Right? Yeah.
• 1:29:47
  And I know that, you know, we're wrapping up with our time here
• 1:29:51
  and I want to ask you before we tell the people, of course, how
• 1:29:54
  they can access all these wonderful things that you had
• 1:29:56
  mentioned. Are there any final thoughts
• 1:29:59
  that you want to share about where the network is going about
• 1:30:04
  feeling about that direction too?
• 1:30:06
  Yeah, I'm really excited and I think you know it.
• 1:30:10
  All the pieces are in place now. So now's the time that we're
• 1:30:13
  really going to take some time to really letting everyone know,
• 1:30:18
  OK, what feels authentic to you? Where is it that you feel most
• 1:30:27
  natural in engaging with this content?
• 1:30:30
  And because we've got every option available to you and we
• 1:30:34
  want to invite you in into that space, it feels.
• 1:30:38
  And then as you get into some of these spaces, you might decide
• 1:30:41
  you want more. And so then you there's
• 1:30:43
  opportunities to have more. So if podcasts are a thing,
• 1:30:49
  we've got podcasts and great blogs by Jessica Garrison, our
• 1:30:52
  writer with ways to engage every week.
• 1:30:54
  You can find those blogs on our website.
• 1:30:57
  You can also join our sub stack where you can get blogs, you can
• 1:31:01
  get newsletters, you can get access to our sub Stack lives
• 1:31:04
  that we do with our guests that have been authors where they
• 1:31:08
  share about their books specifically.
• 1:31:10
  There's going to be a book club with our book embracing layers
• 1:31:14
  unapologetically, as well as eight other authors that you're
• 1:31:17
  hearing through throughout the summer on our sub sack that
• 1:31:20
  we're going to be starting in the fall.
• 1:31:21
  So so there's those pieces and ways to engage with us, podcast
• 1:31:27
  book or both. And the ways to engage are both
• 1:31:30
  included with the podcast episodes each week as well as in
• 1:31:33
  our book. And so those are a couple of
• 1:31:35
  different ways you can join us. And when you go to
• 1:31:37
  embracinglayers.com, it's all there.
• 1:31:39
  You can find all of our socials and follow us on our social
• 1:31:42
  media, whether you know, then you can join the sub stack if
• 1:31:45
  that's what you like, or maybe you just like our shorts each
• 1:31:48
  week that you see on our Instagram and our TikTok or our
• 1:31:51
  YouTube page. You can there.
• 1:31:53
  There's great Charlotte Feehan does a great job.
• 1:31:56
  She's a social media manager and coordinates all that
• 1:32:00
  beautifully. She's a film editing minor and
• 1:32:02
  she really takes her creative juices from that part of her
• 1:32:05
  life and pours it into that and does a really masterful job of
• 1:32:08
  picking those sound bites and putting together those reels and
• 1:32:11
  shorts that are just great ways to remind you and give you a
• 1:32:14
  little snippet of what's the common in in that podcast
• 1:32:18
  episode. So that's a way you can engage
• 1:32:20
  with us. All of our guest resources are
• 1:32:23
  listed on our resources page on our website.
• 1:32:26
  So there's a guest you really connected with and you want
• 1:32:29
  access to those resources. Those are right there where you
• 1:32:31
  can access them and follow them. If you want me to come speak,
• 1:32:36
  I'm available to come speak to you.
• 1:32:38
  Or we can talk through the framework or we can focus on a
• 1:32:41
  specific part of the framework based on what your theme is.
• 1:32:44
  You let me know and I can correlate that accordingly.
• 1:32:47
  I can speak to you in person about that or via a webinar.
• 1:32:50
  So you go to our contact form to to let me know how you'd like me
• 1:32:54
  to work with you on that. And you know, we've got our new
• 1:32:58
  online course, which is for you to have individually or
• 1:33:02
  collectively in your group. I'm hoping to be able to share
• 1:33:05
  it with corporations as well. I think this can be a great way
• 1:33:09
  for corporate cultures to really dive into first themselves and
• 1:33:13
  then into each other like we've talked about throughout.
• 1:33:16
  Because all this work to be healthy in bigger spaces starts
• 1:33:20
  with us individually, so we can show up healthy and create
• 1:33:24
  healthier spaces. And so I'm super excited about
• 1:33:28
  the possibilities with that. And when you buy that, you've
• 1:33:31
  got it for life. And I'm available to jump in and
• 1:33:34
  answer questions throughout that.
• 1:33:36
  There's this great workbook that goes with it that our friend Ken
• 1:33:41
  Mosman helped me create. It's got not only the slides
• 1:33:46
  that I have, but it's got a lot of the verbiage that I share as
• 1:33:50
  I'm speaking throughout because I'm very present and with you
• 1:33:53
  throughout the online course and then maybe able to come in and
• 1:33:57
  answer those questions. And so it's a great companion to
• 1:34:00
  that, especially if you're participating in the online
• 1:34:04
  course that someone else purchased it.
• 1:34:06
  So maybe you don't own it, maybe your company bought it or the
• 1:34:10
  head of your chamber group bought it or your Junior League
• 1:34:14
  bought it. You can get the work, but can
• 1:34:16
  continue to revisit that and still have access to a good bolt
• 1:34:20
  of that information even if you don't own the online course
• 1:34:23
  yourself. And then I've also through the
• 1:34:25
  online course. This is Kim again, speaking,
• 1:34:27
  speaking truth to me mentioned she's like, you need to make
• 1:34:31
  yourself available to also work with people one-on-one because
• 1:34:35
  maybe after they go to through the online course, maybe after
• 1:34:38
  they attend something you speak at, maybe after they've read the
• 1:34:42
  book where they've been listening to the podcast and
• 1:34:45
  really utilizing those ways to engage for years.
• 1:34:48
  They might be looking for a little more direct one-on-one
• 1:34:51
  advising or consulting. And so that's now available.
• 1:34:54
  You can go to our website and you can fill out that contact
• 1:34:58
  form and ask for a 15 minute free consultation.
• 1:35:03
  And then if you, you and I decide that you want to work
• 1:35:05
  with me further, we identify those areas you want to hone in
• 1:35:08
  on within the framework. Then we can work together for
• 1:35:12
  that. And then it's $50 per visit for
• 1:35:14
  that. And that would get you up to an
• 1:35:16
  hour to work with me after that for a predetermined time that
• 1:35:20
  you want to. So there's a lot of different
• 1:35:22
  ways now with the same focus of inviting you in to feel.
• 1:35:27
  And if that online course is called, you know it, you know,
• 1:35:31
  embracing a feel fueled life and with feel at the tenant,
• 1:35:36
  embracing layers, you know, embracing those layers, learning
• 1:35:39
  how to feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers,
• 1:35:42
  that verbiage, that language is what we care about.
• 1:35:45
  And I, I know because I've experienced it myself and I've
• 1:35:49
  seen other women experience it. The power that exists when
• 1:35:52
  you're able to have this framework, and it is a framework
• 1:35:57
  and it does require a commitment from you.
• 1:35:59
  You have to, I cannot do the work for you.
• 1:36:02
  Valencia Charlotte, Jessica Rio, who does all of our amazing
• 1:36:07
  editing and is our graphic designer and creates all of our
• 1:36:10
  logos and all the magic behind that.
• 1:36:12
  None of us can do that for you, but we can give you a gateway
• 1:36:15
  and we can walk and guide you through it.
• 1:36:18
  But, but, but it starts with you knowing your value.
• 1:36:21
  And so when I work with you one-on-one, when I work with you
• 1:36:24
  in groups, when I speak to you, when I work, when I went in the
• 1:36:28
  book and on the online course, we actually start with layers.
• 1:36:33
  We don't start with prioritizing self-care.
• 1:36:36
  We start with the layers. And then we ask you 5 activities
• 1:36:40
  that nourish you. And then we ask you to describe
• 1:36:43
  yourself by your character traits, Yourself, Not what
• 1:36:46
  somebody else says about you, but how you describe yourself.
• 1:36:49
  We ask you to identify 5 words and how you want to feel the
• 1:36:52
  next six months. And we ask you to kind of lay
• 1:36:55
  that foundation for yourself first before we extend into the
• 1:36:59
  next questions. And I've discovered over time
• 1:37:02
  that that's the most effective way because we prioritize what
• 1:37:06
  we value. And so we start with the layers
• 1:37:08
  and identifying some simple activities and just an
• 1:37:12
  invitation to get to know yourself like that.
• 1:37:14
  I so many women I talked to, when I asked them to describe
• 1:37:19
  themselves, they will start with their roles.
• 1:37:21
  They'll start telling me their titles.
• 1:37:22
  No, I don't, Those are wonderful.
• 1:37:24
  I can read those in your bio. I wonder who you are, Who are
• 1:37:28
  you? Who are you?
• 1:37:29
  And I'll have someone and you tell me who I am.
• 1:37:31
  I'm like, Nope, I'm going to sit here and we are not pressing
• 1:37:34
  record until you tell me when you are.
• 1:37:38
  Because it doesn't matter what I think of you.
• 1:37:40
  It matters what you think of you because you are the one that
• 1:37:44
  lives in you. And if you're willing and able
• 1:37:46
  to tap into that, no one knows you better than you.
• 1:37:49
  So start trusting that and believe in that and tapping into
• 1:37:51
  that. So we do it in a little
• 1:37:53
  different order, but I find that that's where if we can establish
• 1:37:56
  that foundation, then those other things start flowing in a
• 1:38:00
  more natural, organic way where we can welcome them in.
• 1:38:04
  You're going to go through different seasons in life.
• 1:38:06
  You're going to have to continually ask yourselves these
• 1:38:09
  questions. These aren't things that are
• 1:38:10
  just going to, I'm going to go through the spring work and
• 1:38:12
  everything's going to be great. OK, maybe for that week, month,
• 1:38:15
  year, whatever season you're in. But you're going to have to
• 1:38:17
  continue to pay attention to the signals in your body and your
• 1:38:20
  intuition when things need a shift or a change.
• 1:38:24
  So but so, but the beauty of it all of this is here for life.
• 1:38:28
  And then the beauty of the online course is that it's there
• 1:38:30
  with you always and the book is there with you always.
• 1:38:33
  And these podcast episodes, you know, are there with you to come
• 1:38:37
  back, tap into, listen to all these efforts.
• 1:38:39
  Very Evergreen content. Yes, yeah.
• 1:38:43
  And truly, this is not, this is not something that you want to
• 1:38:47
  passively think about. Oh, maybe I'll get to 1 day.
• 1:38:50
  This is your life, right? Every, every moment, every habit
• 1:38:54
  that you're building is your life.
• 1:38:56
  So if you have something tangible like the book, like the
• 1:38:59
  podcasts, like the course, like Melissa coming in to speak to
• 1:39:02
  your group or just speak to you individually, this is you
• 1:39:05
  shifting and changing the fabric of your life, really.
• 1:39:10
  Yeah. It's the way you think about
• 1:39:12
  yourself, your relationships. It's so been structured in such
• 1:39:16
  a way where it's easy to follow, right?
• 1:39:19
  It's easy to reflect, really lean into.
• 1:39:22
  These are some of the things that, you know, we don't get as
• 1:39:25
  much support in because we don't really talk about these topics,
• 1:39:27
  right? We don't really think about
• 1:39:29
  space to even consider the topics.
• 1:39:32
  Yeah. So 100%, I definitely encourage
• 1:39:34
  anybody listening right on the live or on the rebroadcast to
• 1:39:38
  tap in to go to embracinglayers.com, go to all
• 1:39:42
  the platforms that we're at and really lean into what your life
• 1:39:47
  could look like if you embrace all your layers, if you feel,
• 1:39:52
  you truly feel. Yeah, yeah, that's it right
• 1:39:57
  there. And know you're worth it.
• 1:40:00
  No, you're worth it. You are worth the investment.
• 1:40:03
  You are worth the time. Don't let anyone ever tell you
• 1:40:06
  differently. Absolutely, absolutely.
• 1:40:10
  And Melissa, this is one of the reasons I I love that, you know,
• 1:40:14
  we started that podcast with you in your closet, right four years
• 1:40:17
  ago. I love this because the passion
• 1:40:21
  is has always been there, the tools, the resources have always
• 1:40:23
  been there. It's just so beautiful to see
• 1:40:26
  how this is accessible to everybody and could really
• 1:40:28
  change a lot of lives. So I just thank you so much for
• 1:40:31
  this time that we got to share with one another.
• 1:40:34
  Is there any final thoughts as we close up our celebration?
• 1:40:39
  I just, yeah, thank you so much for coming on this journey with
• 1:40:44
  me, for being willing to take A to gamble on me and and yourself
• 1:40:48
  and do this thing and and you continue to be a voice that I
• 1:40:53
  rely on. Even as you go and sprout your
• 1:40:56
  wings and do other things, you continue to be a voice and and
• 1:40:59
  your brother is my editor. So I'm like, Brio, ask Valencia
• 1:41:03
  if is the next room over. Oh my God.
• 1:41:09
  But honestly, you know, so thank you.
• 1:41:11
  But also just thank you for all the women in our network that
• 1:41:15
  have engaged and believed and, and just if this is a message
• 1:41:19
  that appeals to you, one, join us and two, bring your friends,
• 1:41:22
  bring your sisters, bring your coworkers, bring your daughters,
• 1:41:27
  your mom, whoever it is, let's do this together.
• 1:41:32
  That's how we make this into the place it was meant to be for
• 1:41:38
  women, Safe, equitable in all the spaces and places we
• 1:41:43
  inhabit. I love that.
• 1:41:46
  Absolutely. We started with community,
• 1:41:48
  curiosity and creativity, and we're going to continue that
• 1:41:51
  way. Yep, Yep.
• 1:41:53
  Thank you so much, Melissa. This is amazing celebration and
• 1:41:58
  we're moving forward to our next one, right?
• 1:42:00
  So when you want you. Oh yes, thank you so much,
• 1:42:04
  Valencia. Thank you all for tuning in,
• 1:42:06
  whether it was live, whether it's later, let us know what you
• 1:42:09
  think. Go to embracinglayers.com, fill
• 1:42:12
  out that contact form or DMS on whatever our social media tabs.
• 1:42:16
  We'd love to hear from you and, and what you're looking for from
• 1:42:18
  us as we move into year five of the Embracing Layers Network and
• 1:42:23
  the Field podcast and all that goes with it.
• 1:42:27
  Amazing. Have a wonderful day everybody
• 1:42:29
  and it's on with you soon. Thank you.
• 1:42:32
  Hi. Hello, Melissa Crook here.
• 1:42:40
  Thank you so much for joining us on the field podcast today.
• 1:42:45
  Finding Empowerment. Embracing Layers.
• 1:42:48
  I hope you found today's framework and resources
• 1:42:51
  supportive and informative. To learn more about all that we
• 1:42:55
  offer here at the Embracing Layers Network, visit
• 1:42:59
  embracinglayers.com. You can go to our contact form
• 1:43:03
  to schedule me as a speaker for your next conference, workshop,
• 1:43:07
  or seminar. You can go to our book page to
• 1:43:10
  order our book, The Jessica Garrison, our wonderful and
• 1:43:14
  talented writer and author, authored with my support and
• 1:43:19
  engage with this framework in written form, with your journal,
• 1:43:22
  or in a book club with other women inviting them on this
• 1:43:26
  journey with you. You can look at our resources
• 1:43:29
  page for all of the helpful and insightful resources our guests
• 1:43:33
  offer and share. You can find the schedule for
• 1:43:36
  our weekly Together we Feel women's panel conversations that
• 1:43:40
  we're holding each Monday on our YouTube channel.
• 1:43:43
  And you can find the links to all the spaces and places.
• 1:43:47
  You can then follow engage with us on social media and join our
• 1:43:51
  engagements that are happening on our Sub stat site.
• 1:43:56
  There is also a donation page where you can donate to support
• 1:43:59
  our work to ensure we can continue to bring you these
• 1:44:03
  incredible guests, conversations and support.
• 1:44:07
  Thanks again for joining me this week.
• 1:44:09
  Share with your friends and give us a review on your favorite
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  listening platform. Your feedback helps us ensure
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  we're bringing you the content that will best support you and
• 1:44:20
  having an empowered Embracing Layers journey.
• 1:44:23
  Take good care and thanks for giving us some of your valuable
• 1:44:27
  time today. We truly appreciate you so
• 1:44:31
  deeply. Embracing Layers.
• 1:44:37
  Yeah, we get to, we get to feel.