Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Con Air vs Rage

Transcript

Con Air vs Rage · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

• 0:00
  Oh, God. Oh, my God.
• 0:14
  San Francisco, the beat walks something completely different.
• 0:18
  That's just a time saver.
• 0:20
  You know, sometimes you got to get somewhere fast. Yeah.
• 0:23
  Uh, I got I got Sparkle, buddy, all over my notes and we can't go back in time this week.
• 0:27
  Damn, we lost our powers.
• 0:29
  Philip, what's your beverage?
• 0:30
  I didn't see you said it's mango.
• 0:32
  Oh, I've got the yeah, I got a mango white claw right now.
• 0:35
  OK, yeah, that's fair.
• 0:36
  Do you have a backup claw, a backup buddy?
• 0:39
  Oh, yeah, sure do. Sitting right next to me.
• 0:41
  Excellent. Smart. You understand the podcast. Oh, yeah.
• 0:44
  You guys are popping my podcast, Jerry.
• 0:46
  This is my first time ever on a podcast.
• 0:49
  Well, speaking of things that haven't been thought through,
• 0:51
  welcome back to cage match, colon around about way of meeting Nicholas Cage.
• 0:54
  I'm Sean here with my cohost Nick and our producer Peter.
• 0:58
  Hello. And our special guest who will now be introduced by Nick.
• 1:03
  His name is Philip.
• 1:05
  This is Philip. He's my younger brother.
• 1:07
  And how much younger? Four years.
• 1:10
  Four years. What was it like being four years younger than Peter?
• 1:14
  I could make up some crap that, you know, he was like a horrible brother,
• 1:18
  but actually it was cool.
• 1:19
  He would let me hang out with his like high school friends and stuff.
• 1:22
  And they were they were pretty chill, like letting me watch them play video games.
• 1:25
  And they only threw a few, you know, glasses at me here and there.
• 1:30
  So I say it was good.
• 1:32
  I got out pretty unscathed, all things considered.
• 1:34
  We got we got really drunk one time and we just started
• 1:37
  smacking each other in the face and like gleefully laughing
• 1:39
  and running around our kitchen. It was a pretty good time.
• 1:42
  That's like that's a core memory for me.
• 1:45
  Did he show you your first boob?
• 1:47
  That's a good older brother. I don't think so.
• 1:48
  I couldn't tell you when when I saw my first boob, but I don't know.
• 1:52
  I mean, Peter, I would love to give you that honor.
• 1:54
  But I think I was doing my own research.
• 1:57
  When did you see your first boob neck?
• 1:59
  My brother and I were about.
• 2:01
  10 or 11, I think, when we found my dad's pornos.
• 2:05
  And that's also when we found the phone numbers in the back of the pornos.
• 2:11
  And that's how you lost a bunch of money.
• 2:13
  Yeah. Yeah. My brother and I had to pay back a lot of phone bill.
• 2:18
  The ones that had like real people that would answer were always the funniest
• 2:22
  because like somebody would answer, we'd be like, oh, fuck,
• 2:24
  it's not a recording. OK.
• 2:25
  Sound like an adult. Sound like an adult.
• 2:28
  That that was the content I wanted.
• 2:31
  Let me see your boobs.
• 2:32
  We love breasts. This is a phone child.
• 2:34
  Hang up. I mean, you are now a 38 year old man.
• 2:39
  Yeah. Who doesn't understand that this is an audio format.
• 2:42
  You're constantly doing like close up magic.
• 2:44
  It doesn't change. Yeah.
• 2:45
  My close up magic is on on fleek these days.
• 2:48
  I mean, there's no way to prove one way or the other to these people.
• 2:51
  It's true.
• 2:52
  Well, now that we've alienated our female audience, that's pretty good.
• 2:57
  I don't know. Maybe drop down in the comments, ladies.
• 3:00
  Tell me about the first boob you ever saw.
• 3:05
  For us to start on this podcast, we talk about boobs as well as review
• 3:10
  64 Nicolas Cage movies in a head to head style competition.
• 3:14
  And we will inevitably whittle this down to the final best Nick Cage film.
• 3:19
  What seeds are these, Peter?
• 3:20
  These are so Conair is a four seed and rage is a 13 seed.
• 3:25
  We are talking about Conair and rage today.
• 3:26
  We're good at this.
• 3:27
  And this is the serious guy bracket.
• 3:29
  Or wait, no, it's a tough guy.
• 3:31
  It's pretty tough. Yeah, this is tough guy.
• 3:32
  Oh, I figured it was the Alabama guy category.
• 3:35
  Look at me with egg on my face.
• 3:38
  No, he's Irish in the in rage, isn't he?
• 3:40
  Yeah, but it's filmed in Mobile, Alabama.
• 3:41
  Oh, that's that's true.
• 3:43
  It's an interesting connection.
• 3:44
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 3:45
  I didn't really think about that when I was watching Rage,
• 3:47
  but I didn't think about a lot because I was just so busy being angry.
• 3:50
  Yeah.
• 3:51
  Angry for the stealing of his daughters.
• 3:53
  Yeah, I think I can boil it down for you guys real quick.
• 3:56
  Basically, first of all, if you're going to do crime,
• 3:59
  you need a cool crime jacket, as we've spoken about before.
• 4:02
  Yep. And then on top of that, guns are cool.
• 4:05
  Alcohol is not cool.
• 4:06
  Teenagers are stupid.
• 4:07
  And yeah, I think that sums it up, right?
• 4:10
  Strike this man from the podcast.
• 4:12
  Alcohol is indeed cool.
• 4:13
  Yeah, alcohol is cool.
• 4:15
  Guns not cool because knives are quieter.
• 4:18
  Nick Cage established that he is a knife guy.
• 4:20
  Yeah, knife guy.
• 4:21
  But not a nice guy.
• 4:24
  Yeah. OK.
• 4:25
  Well, don't drink and play with guns.
• 4:27
  That's a really good lesson, though.
• 4:28
  Spoiler.
• 4:29
  We're I don't think that should be spoiling anything for anybody.
• 4:32
  Anybody who's considering handgun ownership should probably know.
• 4:36
  No drinking gun.
• 4:37
  I mean, statistics in this country would say a lot of people do. OK.
• 4:42
  This is getting into a serious topic here.
• 4:44
  No, we're not going to do that.
• 4:45
  Let's make it dumb again. Yeah.
• 4:47
  We have the brief.
• 4:48
  Don't play with guns.
• 4:50
  Give us give us the why. Yeah.
• 4:52
  Yeah, I can walk you guys through it.
• 4:54
  Yeah. So basically he Nick Cage is playing
• 4:58
  Paul and Paul is a former criminal.
• 5:01
  He's been tied to the Irish mob and he has this crew that he works with.
• 5:07
  But they're all retired.
• 5:08
  And now he's he's become a, you know, straight upstanding
• 5:12
  member of society.
• 5:14
  And I think within the first two minutes of the movie, he says that
• 5:17
  he kind of gives you his blue collar bona fides like six times.
• 5:22
  He's like, yeah, I used to swing hammer all day long and blah, blah, blah.
• 5:25
  And so now he's in the construction business.
• 5:27
  He's left his swinging hammer days behind him to be kind of a businessman
• 5:32
  working with the mayor and stuff.
• 5:34
  He's he's a big wig, no longer a criminal.
• 5:36
  He's got a nice family, a daughter who's I think she's like
• 5:40
  16 or 17 or something like that.
• 5:42
  And yeah, 17 seems right,
• 5:45
  because they were talking about next year for the SATs.
• 5:48
  That's right. That's right.
• 5:49
  And he also says that at the end of the movie, he's talking about how,
• 5:51
  oh, I was her age when they first gave me my my first knife.
• 5:54
  Blah, blah, blah.
• 5:56
  Yeah. So basically like something crazy happens.
• 5:59
  There's a break in to his house while he's out to a very generic dinner
• 6:04
  with his wife and all these people that are connected to some
• 6:07
  construction project that he's working on.
• 6:10
  They try to figure out who's kidnapped his daughter.
• 6:13
  He has to kind of interrogate his his daughter's boyfriend.
• 6:19
  I feel like I'm missing a lot of steps here, guys.
• 6:21
  This is a very detailed movie.
• 6:23
  And everything you miss will just cut in later.
• 6:26
  Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.
• 6:28
  Yeah. So anyway, he he goes and interrogates the
• 6:33
  the boyfriend and it basically tells him this.
• 6:35
  This just off the handle story about how he's like, yeah, I used to go in.
• 6:38
  And one time I beat up this Puerto Rican dude
• 6:40
  because he called my wife a slut and blah, blah, blah.
• 6:43
  And well, anyway, you should have.
• 6:45
  I would expect you to step in front of a gun and block a bullet for my daughter.
• 6:49
  He's telling this to a 17 year old kid who's terrified out of his mind.
• 6:53
  So he decides to go and call on his old, you know, crime buddies,
• 6:58
  Kane and Danny after getting out his old crime jacket.
• 7:02
  Yeah, his old crime jacket. Exactly.
• 7:05
  So he they all get together and they start cracking skulls.
• 7:10
  I think Danny and Kane decide that the best approach
• 7:14
  to figuring out who kidnapped the daughter is to just go harassed to
• 7:18
  drug addicts and like try and choke one by tying a rope around her neck
• 7:23
  and throwing a cinder block out the window because nobody in this movie
• 7:26
  understands how physics works.
• 7:27
  So it's just like, yeah, sure, that that'll happen.
• 7:30
  That'll pull her out the window, of course.
• 7:31
  That was a real long rope, too.
• 7:33
  And they were only on the second floor. Yeah. Yeah.
• 7:35
  Yeah. I mean, it certainly could have like broke her neck
• 7:39
  the way he just kind of tossed it out.
• 7:40
  But that's not how we played this.
• 7:43
  But he did do that cool, like shoot the rope off the windowsill
• 7:48
  when he like let her go.
• 7:50
  And then he was walking away and he was all like,
• 7:52
  oh, I can't believe that actually worked.
• 7:54
  Danny was like, well, you've never done that before.
• 7:55
  It's like, no, never. Awesome.
• 7:58
  I did really like Kane. Yeah.
• 8:01
  I mean, he was an idiot, but he was he was just like
• 8:05
  the easiest going thug criminal guy.
• 8:08
  Well, so throughout the film and we first see it when the crime jacket is donned,
• 8:14
  a cut to a different crime.
• 8:17
  Like for the life of me, I couldn't figure out who was supposed to be
• 8:20
  who in this flashback. Oh, my God.
• 8:21
  Because even though one guy had the crime jacket, it was the biggest,
• 8:26
  fattest guy. Hey, that's rude.
• 8:29
  That's Nick Cage's son, sir. Is it? That was call.
• 8:32
  Yeah. Whatever his name is.
• 8:34
  He's in another one of the movies.
• 8:37
  Nick Cage's we need to we need Weston Cage.
• 8:39
  Yeah. Weston Cage. That's his name.
• 8:40
  We need it. We need to we need to quack that because we want Nick Cage on here
• 8:43
  eventually. Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:45
  Quit being mean to his kid.
• 8:47
  He's a fat kid.
• 8:49
  He expects you to take a bullet for his kid.
• 8:51
  You son of a bitch.
• 8:52
  The only child I mean to is Finn Wolfheart.
• 8:54
  Yeah, that kid sucks.
• 8:55
  Go back to episode two to find out why.
• 8:59
  I mean, I think they can probably figure it out.
• 9:00
  They've seen his face. Yeah.
• 9:02
  But just the the one person who looks the least
• 9:06
  like they could be Nick Cage in this film plays a young Nick Cage,
• 9:10
  which is really ironic because it is a relation. Yeah. Yeah.
• 9:13
  I mean, it's like it's this big it's he's a big stocky dude.
• 9:16
  And like he's about a head taller than the other two guys in the crew,
• 9:21
  which Nicholas Cage is not.
• 9:23
  Yeah, it was an interesting casting choice.
• 9:25
  I mean, I assume just because they're related, it was chosen.
• 9:30
  It was good, though.
• 9:31
  I mean, he had the crime jacket on.
• 9:33
  That's how I knew it was supposed to be.
• 9:34
  It's crime time. Yeah. Nick Cage in the flashback.
• 9:37
  Don't jacket.
• 9:38
  But yeah, they they like beat this dude up and like throw the driver out.
• 9:42
  And they take this car.
• 9:43
  And then later, you know, we see them trying to like
• 9:46
  cut this handcuffed suitcase off of the hand of the dude that's in the back.
• 9:51
  And they're like, I can't do it.
• 9:52
  So they just cut his hand off.
• 9:54
  These are bad criminals.
• 9:55
  Yeah. I mean, they were kids,
• 9:57
  and probably just jacking their first drop off.
• 10:01
  Oh, whatever.
• 10:02
  They stole a bunch of money is how it really like boils down.
• 10:05
  They stole a bunch of money.
• 10:06
  That's probably mobsters.
• 10:08
  How he, you know, funded his clean life.
• 10:11
  And I watched the movie twice once today, both times.
• 10:14
  At the end of it, I was just like.
• 10:16
  What just happened?
• 10:17
  Yeah, Phil, how many times did you end up watching these?
• 10:19
  I watched this motherfucker twice, and I'm not super happy about it.
• 10:24
  Conair was was great on the second watch.
• 10:26
  But yeah, rage, man.
• 10:29
  It was a slog getting through both times.
• 10:32
  I kind of jumped around because you guys had primed me for how much it sucked shit.
• 10:37
  And I basically watched the beginning and I watched the last like
• 10:41
  30 or 20 minutes and that was about it.
• 10:43
  You missed all the best parts.
• 10:45
  Tell me more.
• 10:46
  Yeah. So what happened next, Philip?
• 10:48
  Well, yeah. All right.
• 10:49
  So where were we? We were talking about how
• 10:52
  crime, crime time, crime time.
• 10:53
  Yep. Start rousting people.
• 10:55
  What happens after the rousting?
• 10:57
  Is this after the daughter is dead?
• 10:59
  Yeah, we find out the daughter's dead.
• 11:00
  Yeah, it doesn't take too long before they're like, oh, yeah, she is dead.
• 11:04
  Oh, also the detective on this case, Danny Glover.
• 11:07
  Yeah, Detective St.
• 11:08
  John. All right. So yeah, they they go rough people up.
• 11:12
  There's we have that flashback about when they were kids
• 11:14
  and they killed the Russian mobster crime.
• 11:17
  And then they start figuring out.
• 11:19
  We have a little scene between Kane and Danny where they're trying to say, like,
• 11:22
  OK, well, we were the only three people there at the scene
• 11:25
  who killed those that Russian mobster.
• 11:27
  So like one of us had to be the snitch, right?
• 11:30
  But like, I know we didn't talk.
• 11:31
  So the whole question becomes for the rest of the movie, you know, who
• 11:35
  who killed Caitlin and who snitched that that then like led the,
• 11:40
  you know, ostensibly the Russians to kill her.
• 11:42
  They think it's the Russians because friends, the forensics
• 11:44
  comes back or the ballistics comes back rather.
• 11:47
  And she was shot with a Tokarov Tokarov, exactly.
• 11:51
  Which was the original name for this movie.
• 11:53
  Oh, was it? Yeah.
• 11:55
  You can find a bunch of posters of like Tokarov.
• 11:57
  Yeah. Episode zero. I was really puzzled by that.
• 12:00
  I didn't do any deep diving into why it was named that.
• 12:02
  So I was like, what the fuck?
• 12:04
  Makes sense, I guess. But that's a dumb name.
• 12:05
  Yeah. Rage is a dumber name. Yeah.
• 12:07
  Yeah. They should have just named it crime.
• 12:10
  But crime in a way that you understand that you're saying it crime. Yeah.
• 12:14
  That's that's a font choice thing, right? Yeah.
• 12:16
  An ellipsis in front of it. Just that that that crime.
• 12:19
  Crime time.
• 12:23
  This is quickly becoming crying time.
• 12:26
  Sorry, I started this.
• 12:30
  Yeah. So we know the daughter is dead and they've been.
• 12:33
  They find the daughter in a hunt.
• 12:35
  They find the daughter in a creek about two blocks away from their house.
• 12:38
  And it takes them a few days.
• 12:39
  I was going to say, what was she wearing?
• 12:41
  But what's she wearing? I don't know.
• 12:42
  I skipped this part of the movie.
• 12:44
  I don't know.
• 12:45
  Honestly, I don't I don't know if they talk about it.
• 12:46
  I think she was just wearing whatever she had on
• 12:48
  when we saw her in the house scene at the beginning of the movie.
• 12:51
  So like, you know, whatever that was when she was hanging out with her friends.
• 12:55
  That tracks.
• 12:55
  I mean, I was just going to say, like,
• 12:58
  depending on what she was wearing, she could have been asking for it.
• 13:00
  It could not have been a crime. Jesus Christ.
• 13:03
  Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up.
• 13:06
  Sometimes I go outside and I'm wearing something.
• 13:08
  I'm like, well, you know, if I got shot in the head and dumped in a creek today,
• 13:12
  I'd be my fault. Look at what I'm wearing.
• 13:15
  Just asking for it.
• 13:16
  I mean, you do have that shirt that says, please, shoot me in the head
• 13:18
  and dump me in a creek. Yeah, that was a gift.
• 13:22
  Off of a body.
• 13:23
  It would be rude not to wear it then.
• 13:26
  Yeah, that was a gift from your grandmother.
• 13:28
  Yeah. Well, you know, she's getting old.
• 13:30
  So I don't think she got the font, the font choice.
• 13:32
  It was all in old English.
• 13:35
  You guys want some more of that sweet, sweet, fascinating plot.
• 13:38
  All right. Keep going. Yeah. Lay it on me.
• 13:40
  So decide that they need to get the attention of the Russians,
• 13:46
  you know, because obviously, if the Russians did it,
• 13:48
  they're going to have to get them to meet up or reveal themselves.
• 13:52
  So they go to some random, you know, like poker,
• 13:55
  backroom poker game where the Russians are hanging out
• 13:57
  and they just start beating everybody up there.
• 14:00
  But I mean, it is the saddest, slowest, most old man fight.
• 14:05
  Oh, yeah. So I do love this scene, though,
• 14:09
  because they have to like argue with the guy at the door to get in,
• 14:13
  punch him through the door, just run in, start just decking people
• 14:17
  up. As his as his crew is just beating up all these Russians.
• 14:21
  Nick Cage just saunter's over to the poker table with a handful of cash,
• 14:26
  throws it on the table, leans over, whispers something in the guy's ear
• 14:31
  as a fight is happening.
• 14:32
  And that's when the guys at the table decide to get involved.
• 14:35
  Yeah, it was very weird. And he never recovered that money.
• 14:38
  It was like thousands of dollars and like fifties.
• 14:40
  Well, he was going to use that money to pay his boys and they didn't want it.
• 14:43
  So it's still money. Yeah, right.
• 14:47
  Like that's still you can track that.
• 14:49
  I'm not arguing with you that that was his reasoning, but it's like, that's dumb.
• 14:53
  He's a dumb, dumb businessman.
• 14:56
  No wonder he f**king failed at being a criminal, giving all this money away.
• 15:00
  This is also the first time we see his knife skills.
• 15:03
  So he is like all pro knife.
• 15:05
  Like he's not he doesn't know bang bang.
• 15:08
  He prefers the knife. Yeah, he prefers the knives because they're quiet.
• 15:11
  And we get our first kind of look at it.
• 15:13
  We get a better look at it later.
• 15:14
  But this thing looks like it came out of a spirit Halloween.
• 15:17
  Oh, yeah. No, this is like a mall knife.
• 15:18
  Yeah. He's like an all ninja.
• 15:21
  It's huge. It's stupid.
• 15:24
  And the handle is like engraved with faces.
• 15:28
  He comes in stabbing and then immediately sheaves it too.
• 15:31
  And it's like, dude, that's all going to dry in there.
• 15:33
  And then your knife's going to get stuck.
• 15:34
  Come on, be a better criminal.
• 15:37
  I wrote down for this scene that get Paul some sharper knives
• 15:40
  because it's just that ridiculous part where he's slicing the guy's wrist over and over again.
• 15:44
  And for some reason, he thinks that's a viable combat tactic.
• 15:48
  Well, we've even talked in other movies.
• 15:51
  It's like he went across the street.
• 15:52
  You got to go like down the block or whatever.
• 15:54
  That's right. He's cut in the wrong direction.
• 15:56
  Yeah, it was kind of like death by a thousand cuts.
• 15:59
  Like he just kept cutting that guy's wrist and it's like,
• 16:01
  oh, I'm trying to just saw it off or something.
• 16:03
  And then some guy pulls a gun and he decides he's going to run across the room to stab the guy.
• 16:07
  Yeah. And his buddy just shoots him.
• 16:09
  Yeah. This was our first look at how action sequences were really going to be handled in this movie.
• 16:15
  Oh, God. And it is hard.
• 16:17
  It's like if you turn to Transformers movie on its side and just like shook it like you can't see
• 16:24
  anything, it's the only way to hide the fact that, oh, let's see, Nick Cage would have been 49.
• 16:30
  So he's like about 50 when this movie comes out.
• 16:32
  And I mean, he's not the quickest mover.
• 16:35
  No, it shows most of his attacks are kicks.
• 16:38
  He's a kick attack kind of guy.
• 16:40
  Kicks and knives. Kicks and knives.
• 16:42
  The classic duo.
• 16:43
  It's a real shame to having having this up against Con Air where he's doing like
• 16:48
  sweet ass roundhouse kicks and just the editing of sequences is so much more dynamic.
• 16:53
  And this he's a younger man toward people.
• 16:55
  Yeah, it's true.
• 16:56
  After he fucks up all the Russians at the poker game, we do get the classic.
• 17:00
  He's in his like black tiled shower, leaned against the wall, back flexed as like water runs down.
• 17:06
  Really thinking.
• 17:07
  Yeah. Was this when you just asked to choke his wife in the most uncomfortable scene in the entire movie?
• 17:12
  Yeah. Oh, with the most awkward kiss ever.
• 17:15
  Like that actress wasn't having any of it.
• 17:18
  Nick Cage's kiss just comes in so strong.
• 17:22
  He was going to like, I don't know.
• 17:24
  Yeah. Mouth up the entire thing.
• 17:28
  And then it just evolves to sad, like ugly crying on both their parts.
• 17:33
  It's just a bizarre choice for this scene.
• 17:36
  They're going through something there.
• 17:37
  Well, his daughter and her stepdaughter has died because that's a plot point
• 17:42
  they keep bringing up for reasons that don't matter.
• 17:44
  Why the fuck do we care that it's not like it's a stepmom situation?
• 17:48
  It's what does Peter Storm here come into this entire.
• 17:50
  Oh, at the daughter's funeral.
• 17:52
  Oh, that's all iron sides.
• 17:53
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 17:54
  My favorite quote, I'm just going to get in here right now.
• 17:56
  And it's not a quote.
• 17:58
  It's the quotes that are in my head is after the funeral when he's like Cage's old crime boss.
• 18:05
  And he rolls up on his wheelchair and he just says to him, like, can we take a walk?
• 18:12
  And in my head, I'm just like, ah, 50% of this conversation can walk.
• 18:17
  When he said that, I really I just expected Peter Storm
• 18:20
  to just like step up out of the like wheelchair.
• 18:23
  He just makes one of his guys like push him around as a power move.
• 18:25
  Yeah, that would be sick.
• 18:26
  But no, it's like, I don't want to use these legs. Fuck them.
• 18:29
  Yeah. I think actually he's my favorite part of this only for that line,
• 18:33
  like asking if they can take a walk when he obviously can't.
• 18:37
  Then later when he meets with the Russian and they're on that ramp in the parking garage
• 18:42
  and they get into a gunfight and like Peter Storm, it runs out of bullets.
• 18:47
  And he looks over and there's a gun on the ground.
• 18:49
  It's like, wow, gunfights really suck when people are in wheelchairs.
• 18:53
  It's like this is the worst action ever.
• 18:55
  But I do want to see like an all wheelchair action movie now.
• 19:01
  So did you ever watch? Did you ever watch Crippled Masters with me?
• 19:06
  What's that?
• 19:07
  It's this ridiculous, ridiculous martial arts movie that I found in like a DVD bin somewhere.
• 19:13
  No way.
• 19:13
  Yeah, look it up. It's incredible.
• 19:15
  Google it.
• 19:16
  So it's I mean, the like the concept of this film is that there's these two guys
• 19:20
  who are martial artists, but one of them has his arms burned with acid
• 19:23
  and the other one has his legs like destroyed in some accident.
• 19:27
  Yes, I do know.
• 19:27
  And they end up having to team up together because one of them is strong in the arm.
• 19:31
  And one of them is strong in the legs.
• 19:32
  And they have to beat this guy who has like a weird turtle shell back.
• 19:35
  And there's like four sound effects for the whole movie.
• 19:38
  It it fucking rules.
• 19:40
  I highly recommend anyone watch Crippled Masters.
• 19:43
  Yeah, I'm watching this shit.
• 19:45
  I'm just looking at some of this poster art and it is outstanding.
• 19:49
  Yeah, it's a it's a good one.
• 19:51
  Is this going to be another like eat a sandwich in your garage?
• 19:53
  Then we watch this film.
• 19:56
  For sure.
• 19:56
  Yeah, why not?
• 19:57
  Well, can we talk a little about O'Connell's accent?
• 20:02
  Like, what the fuck is going on with this accent?
• 20:04
  Peter Stormare, he's like he's supposed to be Irish ostensibly.
• 20:08
  And I could not for the life of me track where his accent was coming from.
• 20:12
  I don't know if he just that accent is 100 percent Peter Stormare.
• 20:15
  I thought so. It's just him, right?
• 20:17
  Yeah, that is just him.
• 20:18
  I mean, I guess in Fargo, he sounded a little different.
• 20:20
  They did not give him a whole lot of speaking lines.
• 20:22
  And now I understand why it is interesting because like he and Kate are pretty dynamic.
• 20:27
  Actors, but they just have no chemistry at all.
• 20:29
  Well, they have nothing to do in this movie.
• 20:31
  Fair. I like Peter Stormare.
• 20:33
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:34
  For reasons unknown to us, Danny Glover is kind of like in Cages corner.
• 20:39
  And it's always like giving him free advice of like, you know, don't go back to your old ways.
• 20:42
  Oh, yeah. And then like after that car chase, like when they kidnap Danny
• 20:48
  and he's like chasing after the other criminals,
• 20:52
  the one decent bit of action in the film.
• 20:54
  Yeah. Although that was also super shaky.
• 20:57
  It's like, come on.
• 20:58
  It's not like cage is physically running after the cars.
• 21:01
  I mean, I feel like you heard you could hear the sarcasm in the way I said.
• 21:05
  But then like he gets into like this.
• 21:08
  I don't know. There's all sorts of property damage.
• 21:10
  And then the cops finally stop him and they catch him.
• 21:12
  And it's like, no, just let him go.
• 21:14
  You got a Paul Polly. Come on. Don't do this.
• 21:17
  So Danny gets kidnapped by the Russians.
• 21:19
  There's a whole thing where they like shoot up a meth lab
• 21:23
  that the Russians are running.
• 21:26
  We missed the whole chase scene with where he's chasing that guy out of the strip club
• 21:31
  and ends up that leads to like this cagey as well as in the entire movie.
• 21:35
  So yeah, but they yeah, they have to like escalate up to the next level of the rough Russian mob.
• 21:42
  And they chase this guy out of the strip club.
• 21:45
  And then Danny, one of the partners, shoots this guy.
• 21:48
  And I love that Kane is like, you can't just shoot somebody out in the middle of the street.
• 21:53
  And so Nick Cage chases, I put that heavily in quotation marks,
• 21:56
  chases this guy into like some kind of warehouse.
• 21:59
  And the dude's bleeding out. They end up on the roof and he falls down.
• 22:03
  And Cage is trying to, or Paul's trying to like interrogate him and be like, all right,
• 22:07
  you need to tell me who killed my daughter.
• 22:09
  And he keeps being like, no, no, no, don't die.
• 22:11
  And then he'll like beat the shit out of guy and like slam his head into the ground and like,
• 22:14
  stop dying.
• 22:15
  Yeah.
• 22:16
  Don't die. Who did it? Um, the only I mean, the only reason this character is even relevant
• 22:20
  is because he was the other guy in the carjacking from their youths.
• 22:24
  Yes, he was the driver that they threw out.
• 22:26
  And then like the Russian mobster thought that he stole the money.
• 22:30
  So we like cut off some fingers.
• 22:32
  We finally meet there like the leader of the Russian mob who kind of looks like Chris Parnell.
• 22:36
  Kind of looks like Chris Parnell, but also just looks like a bull terrier.
• 22:40
  Like they have the same face.
• 22:42
  And then he just looks like a fucking sad, long face dog.
• 22:47
  And he's this squinty eyes.
• 22:49
  Yeah. The leader of the Russian mob is the only character I kind of get in this film
• 22:53
  that I kind of like because he's the only one who has his head on his fucking shoulders.
• 22:56
  He's like all this random violence.
• 22:59
  What's it for?
• 22:59
  You know, back in the day, people would tell you why they're killing you.
• 23:03
  I just don't understand.
• 23:04
  They used to take you out to dinner and wine and dine you before they killed your henchmen.
• 23:08
  Times have changed.
• 23:10
  Crime used to be cool.
• 23:11
  But yeah, they go for Kane.
• 23:13
  Yeah.
• 23:14
  And he calls up Paul and he's like, you know, the Russians are here.
• 23:17
  Oh, is this the yelling scene?
• 23:18
  Yeah.
• 23:18
  Oh, yeah.
• 23:19
  Yeah.
• 23:19
  This is when I this is when I actually tuned back into this movie.
• 23:23
  Paul thinks that, you know, Danny's one who squealed.
• 23:26
  Yeah, he basically he kills.
• 23:27
  He accidentally kills Danny.
• 23:30
  I don't think it was an accident.
• 23:31
  It was pretty intense.
• 23:31
  He killed him on purpose, but just, you know, it was a crime of passion.
• 23:34
  Yeah.
• 23:35
  And then he's like tries to like, like, Danny.
• 23:37
  Oh, my buddy.
• 23:39
  Sweet, Danny.
• 23:40
  Joshy.
• 23:42
  Joshy.
• 23:44
  They're not doing that again.
• 23:45
  This is rare for me, but I'm cracking my second buddy already.
• 23:49
  Oh, shit.
• 23:50
  This movie is making you turn to alcoholism, Peter.
• 23:53
  It's completely understandable.
• 23:55
  He didn't even watch the whole thing and he's got a problem.
• 23:57
  This is a rough movie.
• 23:59
  What do you guys think?
• 23:59
  I'm addicted to heroin right now.
• 24:01
  Jesus.
• 24:03
  So Danny does.
• 24:04
  Yeah.
• 24:05
  Yeah.
• 24:05
  Why don't you just fast forward us through the end of this film?
• 24:08
  Yeah, I actually thought that the movie like I had missed something
• 24:11
  because it basically went from that to him confronting the teenager.
• 24:15
  Yeah, pretty much.
• 24:15
  We get the shootout scene and.
• 24:18
  Yeah.
• 24:18
  Well, he goes home because he's like, oh, Tokarov, Tokarov, Tokarov.
• 24:22
  I know where there's a Tokarov.
• 24:25
  This really sold the movie for me.
• 24:27
  This fucking scene where they so we find out it's the boyfriend that did it,
• 24:32
  but it was an accident because they.
• 24:34
  So basically retells it with this stupid reenactment.
• 24:36
  And I don't know if anybody else was getting like Zoolander gasoline fight vibes from.
• 24:42
  Yes, it was killing me because of the kids.
• 24:45
  They're like, we were getting drunk and we wanted to ask what's his daughter's name,
• 24:50
  Caitlin.
• 24:50
  We wanted to ask Caitlin about her dad's.
• 24:52
  We were like, oh, we knew he was a criminal and like, do you have any cool stories or
• 24:55
  any like relics from back when he was a criminal to show us?
• 24:59
  And, you know, she can't show them his his crime jacket.
• 25:02
  Because he's wearing it.
• 25:04
  So she wasn't wearing the crime jacket yet.
• 25:06
  He didn't take that out until she died.
• 25:08
  No, you're right.
• 25:08
  Why not just show him the crime jacket?
• 25:10
  This thing whole thing could have been avoided.
• 25:11
  Yeah, that shows you that he's doing crime.
• 25:14
  Yeah, no, but so she's like, OK, fine, I guess actually we have like a box full of guns
• 25:19
  upstairs.
• 25:19
  So so she takes him up to this this closet, gets the box out and they're all like passing
• 25:24
  out guns and then like pretending to shoot each other and giggling and drinking straight
• 25:28
  out of like bottles of tequila or whatever.
• 25:30
  And then it's of course raining outside.
• 25:32
  They decide it's a great idea to go run around in the wet grass and like chase each other
• 25:36
  with guns.
• 25:37
  And for whatever reason, the dumb boyfriend is like facing the other way and he's getting
• 25:41
  very serious about pointing his gun.
• 25:43
  And Caitlin comes up to him and taps him on the shoulder and he turns around and just
• 25:47
  fucking shoots her in the head.
• 25:48
  Yeah, it's the dumbest shit I've ever seen in a movie, but it honestly made the movie
• 25:53
  for me.
• 25:54
  I was not on board until that dumb as rocks twist.
• 25:58
  So yeah, what does he say?
• 26:00
  He's like, oh, what like guns there?
• 26:03
  They're so scary and cool and I just didn't know what to do.
• 26:05
  Yeah.
• 26:07
  So like that him and his buddy go and like dump the body in the creek as you do.
• 26:11
  And then they're like, look at what she was wearing.
• 26:15
  Classic Creek outfit.
• 26:16
  And then they have to go and like they come up with the story of the home invasion.
• 26:21
  So they like smash the place up and then like take turns like taking like slugs from like
• 26:26
  vodka from a vodka handle and punching each other in the face.
• 26:30
  And this gets to my biggest issue with this film is to how terrible these cops are because
• 26:35
  it even says in the beginning when like Nick Cage comes home, like what about the neighbors?
• 26:38
  Did they hear anything?
• 26:39
  No, no one heard a gunshot.
• 26:42
  It was a very rainy night, Sean.
• 26:43
  It was heavy rain.
• 26:45
  You would still hear a gunshot.
• 26:47
  Also, that bullet would have gone somewhere.
• 26:50
  It did.
• 26:50
  It went into her brain.
• 26:51
  There would be blood.
• 26:53
  Heavy rain.
• 26:54
  Heavy rain, just the fact that she was put in the creek, like like you said, two blocks away.
• 26:58
  And they didn't do a search immediately around the house to look.
• 27:01
  Yeah, it's just Alabama cops.
• 27:04
  What you're going to do, guys?
• 27:05
  How does this thing end?
• 27:06
  Yeah, basically, once it's all revealed, Paul decides not to kill the boyfriend.
• 27:13
  He shoots a couple of rounds in the ground, goes back home and prepares himself to be
• 27:17
  shot by the Russians.
• 27:18
  And there's nothing more to it.
• 27:20
  He just sits down, we get kind of a close up on his face and we see the Russians coming
• 27:26
  in and then he dies.
• 27:28
  And then there's a very boring credit roll where they're just taking his body out on a
• 27:33
  gurney and then they make his poor wife, they make that actress do yet more crying work
• 27:40
  right as she's seeing his body come out of the house.
• 27:42
  So that's about it.
• 27:44
  All right.
• 27:44
  Where do you guys think this falls on the Venn diagram?
• 27:46
  Bad Cage, bad movie.
• 27:49
  Yeah, this is one of the few times I really feel like he completely phoned this in.
• 27:53
  And apparently he did this because he really liked the director's first movie.
• 27:57
  Neon Flesh.
• 27:59
  Yeah, I think that was it.
• 28:00
  I didn't look into any of it.
• 28:02
  Yeah, they appeared.
• 28:03
  Sexy killer.
• 28:04
  Spanish movie.
• 28:06
  Bon Appetit.
• 28:07
  Neon Flesh again.
• 28:08
  Yeah, I think it was Neon Flesh.
• 28:09
  Wait, there's a movie just called Spanish movie.
• 28:11
  Yes.
• 28:12
  Cool.
• 28:13
  No idea why this movie exists.
• 28:15
  Nick Cage, like he says he's never phoned in a role, but this role seemed fairly found in.
• 28:20
  Oh, yeah.
• 28:21
  Yeah, I don't think the role didn't offer a whole lot for sure for him to, you know,
• 28:25
  sink his teeth into.
• 28:27
  I read one good quote about this movie.
• 28:29
  It's from Chris Cofell at a film school rejects and he said, Rage isn't terrible,
• 28:34
  but it's pretty bland.
• 28:35
  It's like cooking, but failing to use salt.
• 28:38
  Yeah.
• 28:40
  Yeah.
• 28:40
  For a movie with a title that has such an intense emotion, it's like, yeah, Nick Cage
• 28:46
  gets like angry and stuff in it, but I don't think I ever feel like he's just overwhelmed
• 28:52
  with rage.
• 28:53
  Like if he had just gone completely off the deep end, that'd be cool.
• 28:58
  Gone ham.
• 28:59
  Yeah.
• 29:00
  Oh, man, here's what I wanted.
• 29:01
  And I didn't know until right now.
• 29:03
  I wanted the movie to start out as it did.
• 29:07
  But then when Nick Cage goes and gets his crime jacket,
• 29:10
  then it becomes like a horror like movie where he's a like a predator stalking everybody
• 29:16
  and just coming out insanely enraged, like some feral animal and just like tears through
• 29:21
  the Russian mob and then give us the thing from like everybody else, like from Danny
• 29:26
  Glover's perspective as this wild rabid Nick Cage.
• 29:32
  I give this movie one mall kiosk knives out of seven.
• 29:36
  Okay.
• 29:37
  I don't know why that top number seven adjusts.
• 29:39
  No, that's that's correct.
• 29:40
  That's the correct number of mall kiosk knives.
• 29:42
  If you own more than seven, then you're then that's just your personality.
• 29:46
  How many drunk teenagers do you give this movie, Philip?
• 29:48
  Oh, yeah, this is a this is a solid 10 drunk teenagers, 10 out of 10.
• 29:55
  It's yeah, swept up.
• 29:57
  Man, those are some dumb teenagers.
• 29:58
  I would probably say nine out of 10 because we did leave one in the creek.
• 30:02
  Oh, God, that's a very good point.
• 30:05
  All right.
• 30:06
  Do you guys have any quotes from this fucking movie?
• 30:07
  I do not.
• 30:08
  Just my imaginary quotes.
• 30:10
  Yeah.
• 30:10
  Philip, did you get anything?
• 30:12
  Oh, hell yeah.
• 30:12
  This is the best quote in the movie is from Danny Glover.
• 30:15
  So Detective St.
• 30:16
  John, they go in to clean up the mess after the crews like shot up the meth house.
• 30:21
  And there's a guy dying dead on the floor and his Danny Glover's partner is like,
• 30:25
  Oh, who's this?
• 30:26
  And he goes, meet Sasha Borat rap sheet as long as my dick.
• 30:31
  Yeah, Danny Glover did have the best line in this film.
• 30:34
  Why is he in this film?
• 30:35
  He pops up in the weirdest things now.
• 30:37
  Like he's one of those actors that I always think is dead
• 30:40
  just because I haven't seen him in anything in forever.
• 30:42
  And then he just shows up and shows up.
• 30:44
  Roll.
• 30:44
  Yeah.
• 30:45
  Yeah.
• 30:46
  Danny Glover rest in peace.
• 30:48
  At least his career.
• 30:51
  Yeah, I don't think I have a quote for this either
• 30:52
  because I really didn't watch this movie, but I did like him yelling rat at
• 30:56
  his buddy before he accidentally quote unquote kills him.
• 30:59
  Oh, yeah.
• 31:00
  He did yell rat a lot.
• 31:02
  It's not that great of a movie.
• 31:03
  I don't know if I'd go so far as to be like, it's bad.
• 31:06
  It's not it's very a rampant in the middle.
• 31:09
  Like bland without salt is very apt.
• 31:12
  Is it just one giant gun safety PSA?
• 31:16
  That's basically my takeaway.
• 31:17
  Kind of is.
• 31:18
  Or maybe just like birth control PSA.
• 31:20
  Like don't have stupid kids.
• 31:21
  They'll get drunk and shoot each other with your like crime guns.
• 31:24
  I thought we did that last week with mom and dad.
• 31:27
  OK.
• 31:28
  Now that was a reason to have children.
• 31:30
  So you could kill them.
• 31:31
  Yes.
• 31:31
  It sounds like a big investment for something like that.
• 31:37
  Why don't you just have a child and I'll come by and.
• 31:40
  No, you can't kill.
• 31:41
  You can't kill someone else's kid.
• 31:42
  You have no desire for it.
• 31:44
  Yeah.
• 31:44
  Boo.
• 31:45
  You don't know me.
• 31:46
  You didn't see what it was wearing.
• 31:47
  All right.
• 31:48
  Let's talk about so much of this.
• 31:50
  Can't air.
• 31:51
  Not OK.
• 31:52
  Some of it's gold.
• 31:54
  I'm fucking hitting on everything.
• 31:56
  Con Air.
• 31:56
  All right.
• 31:57
  So as we discussed last week, this was my first time ever watching like
• 32:00
  the film Con Air and not just like clips from tuning in on TNT.
• 32:05
  First time with the film.
• 32:07
  Con Air.
• 32:07
  Very familiar with the novelization.
• 32:09
  So yes, I wrote my dissertation on the novelization of Con Air.
• 32:15
  OK.
• 32:15
  Well, tell us what you thought of it.
• 32:17
  Also, what is this movie for all the other people in the world who've never seen.
• 32:22
  Con Air.
• 32:23
  So you'd seen Con Air, right?
• 32:24
  Oh, yeah.
• 32:25
  Back in the day.
• 32:25
  Yeah, I got a lot more out of it watching it now.
• 32:28
  Now that we're kind of that much further away from the 90s and all the weird kind of like
• 32:32
  you just know the way that they depicted, you know, law enforcement and, you know,
• 32:37
  criminals in the 90s.
• 32:39
  It's super campy.
• 32:42
  But it was interesting watching that.
• 32:44
  So, yeah, this is a Brockheimer film.
• 32:46
  So it starts off with a big hurrah.
• 32:47
  The Army Rangers, you know, first in last out.
• 32:50
  You know, we kick ass.
• 32:51
  We don't leave any men behind.
• 32:52
  Nicholas Cage plays Cameron Poe.
• 32:55
  John Cusack is Agent Vince Larkin.
• 32:58
  John Malkovich, Cyrus the virus.
• 33:00
  And then my personal favorite character actor in anything,
• 33:03
  Cole Mamini.
• 33:05
  I love Cole Mamini.
• 33:06
  Cole Mamini is amazing as Agent Duncan Malloy.
• 33:09
  He's a real piece of shit.
• 33:11
  Danny Trejo is in this.
• 33:12
  Ving Rhames plays Nathan Diamond Dog.
• 33:15
  Dave Chappelle's pinball for a brief period.
• 33:18
  So, yeah, this movie, Nicholas Cage gets home from the from the Rangers to see his wife.
• 33:23
  They have a brief moment in the bar she works at where one of the regular
• 33:28
  rednecks chuckle heads who sexually harasses his wife on a regular basis
• 33:32
  tries to sexually harass his wife while they're dancing, like throws like throws a five dollar
• 33:37
  bill and Nick Cage is facing like, go get drinks from me and my buddies.
• 33:40
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 33:41
  This guy was very aggressive towards somebody who was in Army Ranger uniform.
• 33:47
  It says it right on his arm.
• 33:48
  It's piss.
• 33:49
  He's a Ranger.
• 33:49
  It's piss and soldiers like him that lost us the Vietnam War.
• 33:52
  Yeah, this guy knows a lot about like military action.
• 33:56
  But yeah, there's like an active like oil pump that's just shooting fire into the sky
• 34:00
  next to the bar, like in the parking lot, because that's where Redneck and his buddies
• 34:04
  decide to in the rain.
• 34:06
  Also heavy rain.
• 34:07
  Heavy rain tries to tries to murder Cameron Poe because he didn't fight with them earlier.
• 34:15
  And she's like, get in the car and he fights them off.
• 34:17
  And then one guy pulls a knife.
• 34:19
  And as the guy with the knife comes at him, he like smacks his nose bone into his brain
• 34:22
  and kills him and his friends grab the knife and run away.
• 34:25
  He takes a plea deal.
• 34:26
  But because of his military service, you know, he is a dangerous weapon.
• 34:29
  The laws don't apply to him the same.
• 34:31
  So he gets seven to ten minimum.
• 34:34
  So yeah, Cameron Poe in jail seven, eight, no, eight years.
• 34:38
  And he's corresponding with his daughter the entire time.
• 34:40
  He's finally going to get out.
• 34:41
  But he has to be flown on the jailbird to where he's going to be released.
• 34:46
  But with a bunch of other convicts.
• 34:48
  Yeah, he has to be flown back to Alabama.
• 34:50
  The jail that he was taken in through.
• 34:53
  It almost doesn't matter the logic of it either, because like they just kind of
• 34:57
  set up everything really quickly and are like, OK, this is the exposition.
• 35:01
  Here's what this movie is going to do.
• 35:03
  Go. Yeah.
• 35:04
  Yeah. So then he's on a plane with, you know, criminals, murderers, rapists and.
• 35:10
  The cream of the crop.
• 35:11
  They break out led by Cyrus the virus and take over the plane.
• 35:15
  And that's the rest of the movie.
• 35:17
  So Nick Cage is like cellmate and buddy. Baby.
• 35:20
  Oh, it's diabetic.
• 35:22
  I like how you said that hyphenated instead of like with a space.
• 35:27
  Well, you said baby.
• 35:28
  Oh, it's hyphenated.
• 35:29
  It is. Yeah.
• 35:30
  Because they call him baby.
• 35:31
  Oh, baby.
• 35:32
  Oh, baby.
• 35:32
  Oh, baby.
• 35:33
  Oh, baby.
• 35:34
  Oh, so baby.
• 35:37
  Oh, needs his insulin.
• 35:38
  But there's no.
• 35:39
  He needs his insulin.
• 35:41
  But there's no syringe.
• 35:42
  I've been needs his medicine.
• 35:44
  There's no syringes left on the plane because they get smashed in the break.
• 35:47
  Out.
• 35:47
  I'm sure one of those convicts has something to stick him with.
• 35:51
  Penis joke.
• 35:53
  And then the one lady guard is being harangued by Danny Trejo.
• 35:58
  Johnny 23.
• 36:00
  Johnny 23 because he's raped 23 women.
• 36:02
  Yeah. Also, how hard is it to not write rape into movies?
• 36:05
  Yeah, I imagine they made him a rapist because.
• 36:09
  Because he looks like Danny Trejo.
• 36:11
  Well, that's racist.
• 36:13
  And I'm sure it's because.
• 36:16
  I'm talking about the man's face.
• 36:20
  He's got a real rapist face.
• 36:22
  Just look at him.
• 36:23
  It's pretty.
• 36:25
  Look at what he was wearing.
• 36:26
  It's weird how young Danny Trejo is actually like a fairly pleasant looking human being.
• 36:30
  Oh, you got to go way back, though.
• 36:32
  Yeah, it's not 1997.
• 36:34
  Danny Trejo.
• 36:35
  Like you got to go like 1975.
• 36:38
  Danny Trejo in this movie, he was reminding me a lot from
• 36:42
  his role in From Dusk to Dawn.
• 36:44
  He just like had that kind of like creepy vampire look to him.
• 36:47
  Oh, yeah, for sure.
• 36:48
  Nick Cage has a way to get off because they need to get they're doing a transfer,
• 36:52
  which is where we're introduced to the criminal who actually has the plan and has the jet that
• 36:55
  they're going to connect to later.
• 36:57
  Cindy, no.
• 36:57
  But in the breakout on the plane, three convicts are killed and they are three that have to go off.
• 37:03
  So they need three white guys.
• 37:04
  So the diabetic black baby can't go.
• 37:08
  So Nick Cage is eventually says he'll go, but can't because they're going to gag him.
• 37:13
  So he won't be able to say anything.
• 37:14
  And he doesn't want to leave the lady cop to be raped because he's a good guy.
• 37:18
  Because he's a good guy.
• 37:19
  I don't think that was ever really a motivation for him.
• 37:22
  Like he says it, but like he was about to get off the plane until he found out that he was going to be
• 37:27
  like gagged.
• 37:28
  Yeah.
• 37:28
  Have duct tape over his plane to get off the plane was just as soon as he got off.
• 37:31
  He was just going to start screaming.
• 37:33
  Yeah, I think he doesn't want to leave baby.
• 37:34
  Oh, behind because like once he was that he's going to get these.
• 37:37
  The female guard serves no purpose in this film other than a rape subplot.
• 37:41
  Like that one could go.
• 37:42
  That could completely go and it could just be like his buddy is going to die because he's not going
• 37:46
  to get his insulin.
• 37:47
  Yeah.
• 37:48
  Well, oh, I think what I was trying to get at earlier was like they made him a rapist because
• 37:53
  of diversity.
• 37:54
  Like you just needed.
• 37:55
  Who's racist now, motherfucker?
• 37:57
  I'm saying diversity in crimes on the plane.
• 38:01
  Yeah, but you could have him just like you could have that conversation with.
• 38:05
  No, but that conversation with Cyrus, the virus or Cyrus is like, fuck you.
• 38:08
  Like, I don't I don't fuck around with rapists.
• 38:10
  And then that could be it.
• 38:11
  Danny Trejo could have been one of the guys who died when, you know, the first part of
• 38:15
  the incursion started.
• 38:16
  You know, it's like you didn't need him to be like a weird predator for the rest of the movie.
• 38:21
  I mean, they do have him come in at the at the end when when Poe comes in and actually
• 38:26
  saves her, saves Bishop, the guard.
• 38:29
  He does.
• 38:29
  They have that like unnecessary line where it's like, don't do that to women.
• 38:33
  And it's just like, Jesus Christ, this whole thing is cringe worthy.
• 38:37
  Yeah.
• 38:38
  Yeah, like I think we already knew that.
• 38:39
  The worst line in this movie is Danny Trejo.
• 38:41
  Like he's like, I'm going to use your whole body to make me feel good.
• 38:46
  As a pickup line, it's terrible.
• 38:48
  As a line in the movie, it served a good purpose.
• 38:51
  Every line reads like that.
• 38:53
  I love it.
• 38:53
  Like everybody is perfect in this film.
• 38:56
  Yeah.
• 38:56
  Except for Steve Buscemi.
• 38:58
  Oh, I love Steve Buscemi.
• 39:00
  What is his purpose?
• 39:01
  So when they do the prison transfer, they there's a late edition and Steve Buscemi,
• 39:05
  who is this crazy, supposedly psychopathic, he's a serial killer,
• 39:11
  who's worked his way all up and down the East Coast.
• 39:13
  The one crime we've heard him do is when he talks about when he wore
• 39:17
  a little girl's head as a hat across three states.
• 39:20
  I don't know if it was a little girl.
• 39:22
  It was a lady's.
• 39:23
  Yeah, I think he said a woman's head as a hat, which I mean, he's getting into semantics.
• 39:28
  I think but no, he was talking to Poe and I think the point was like
• 39:30
  he was talking about like a child because Poe was like, it's my daughter's birthday.
• 39:34
  Don't talk to me.
• 39:35
  Yeah, maybe.
• 39:36
  And then we see him later, like being creepy with a little girl who doesn't die.
• 39:41
  Well, he talks about how most like murders aren't like crimes of passion.
• 39:47
  They're like killings of necessity.
• 39:49
  Like, oh, well, that person was too close.
• 39:51
  Narratively, there's no reason to have him in the film.
• 39:53
  And I totally agree with you.
• 39:54
  It was weird having him just dropped in there and then like, what is his plot line?
• 39:58
  He gets I mean, he is like a redemption arc kind of like he learned compassion
• 40:02
  from a little girl and then now he's gambling in Vegas at the end.
• 40:06
  Did he?
• 40:07
  I don't think he did.
• 40:09
  I think he's just a serial killer.
• 40:11
  And like he wasn't going to kill the girl because the little girl's not.
• 40:15
  Well, like just because you're a serial killer doesn't mean you're going to kill everybody.
• 40:19
  Are we supposed to be rooting for this guy at the end or what?
• 40:22
  I think that's the thing that was confusing for me is that it does feel like we're supposed
• 40:25
  to be rooting for Bushemi for some reason.
• 40:27
  And like, I don't know why.
• 40:30
  I don't know why you can't just let him exist in the movie and require something of him.
• 40:35
  Because this movie is long.
• 40:37
  Yeah.
• 40:37
  And meandering.
• 40:38
  And you could have saved time.
• 40:40
  And again, it doesn't cut out all of his like lines.
• 40:44
  You would save two minutes tops.
• 40:47
  You're not saving anything by cutting him out.
• 40:49
  But what you're not adding anything by having him there.
• 40:51
  He offers like insights and stuff like I mean, it's not critical, but you get like just a
• 40:58
  it's again, diversity and criminals.
• 41:00
  You're seeing like he's a more intelligent criminal the way he talks about like that.
• 41:04
  So I already know Cyrus isn't Cyrus is a different kind of intelligent.
• 41:11
  The kind of criminal who's going to like he's a mastermind.
• 41:14
  Yeah, he's a mastermind.
• 41:15
  Steve Bushemi is just like a creature.
• 41:18
  Like he's supposed to be like a Hannibal Lecter style.
• 41:20
  Like they bring him in in the mask.
• 41:21
  Yeah, they go through all the pomp and circumstance with that.
• 41:25
  But I don't know.
• 41:26
  But there's no like there's no bill to him doing anything.
• 41:28
  I it's because he doesn't do anything.
• 41:30
  It's it's that episode of The Simpsons where the mob and the Yakas are fighting on the
• 41:35
  front lawn and Marge like come inside Homer and Homer's like, but Marge, that little guy
• 41:40
  in the corner hasn't done anything yet.
• 41:41
  You know, when he does, it's going to be good.
• 41:44
  And then nothing happens.
• 41:45
  There's no payoff to his character being there.
• 41:47
  I enjoyed his character.
• 41:50
  I'm not sure that's clear.
• 41:51
  I'm not saying I didn't enjoy his character.
• 41:53
  I'm just like I'm befuddled by why he's there.
• 41:55
  I'm befuddled by why there's a lot of people in this movie.
• 41:57
  Yeah. What do you think about Dave Chappelle in this?
• 41:59
  Oh, I thought it was great, too.
• 42:01
  Pinball. Yeah.
• 42:02
  A lot of his lines were improvised.
• 42:04
  So all those like racist things he says are just Dave Chappelle racism.
• 42:08
  Oh, God. Yeah, that was tough to get through when he's sitting next to the Native American guy.
• 42:13
  He's just like, oh, God, 90s movies.
• 42:15
  Here we go.
• 42:16
  Oh, speaking of 90s movies, the obligatory queer character.
• 42:20
  This is interesting.
• 42:21
  I did a little research into this character.
• 42:23
  She I was like, OK, this is a typical like 90s bad stereotype of what it's like to be gay.
• 42:31
  But I noticed that actually everybody was always referring to her as a woman.
• 42:35
  And nobody ever used anything but she her pronouns.
• 42:40
  And they all called her like sis or like like sister or like they called her lady.
• 42:45
  You know, lady stop right there when she's coming off the plane.
• 42:48
  And so I was looking into it.
• 42:49
  And it turns out that her name is Sally.
• 42:52
  Let me hold on.
• 42:53
  I got to pull up the Sally can't dance.
• 42:55
  Exactly.
• 42:55
  So Sally can't dance.
• 42:56
  And I was reading some different articles about this.
• 42:59
  And apparently Sally can't dance is one of like Lou Reed's albums.
• 43:02
  His fourth album was called Sally can't dance.
• 43:05
  And it's supposedly referring to Sally Maggio, who was a trans woman,
• 43:10
  who was a manager at this club that Reed and a bunch of other people went to.
• 43:14
  And I think they they had a romantic relationship or something.
• 43:18
  So this is clearly like a self conscious choice to have a like actual trans woman
• 43:25
  character in Con Air, which just kind of like blew my mind.
• 43:28
  And like, you know, I was reading some other commentary from people on my.
• 43:30
  It's like maybe, you know, obviously it's like 1997 or whatever.
• 43:33
  It's not the best representation of a trans person, but just the fact that the writer
• 43:38
  decided to include her in the script is kind of wild.
• 43:41
  And I was just not expecting that at all.
• 43:43
  And writing aside, I mean, nobody was ever derogatory or demeaning towards the character.
• 43:49
  No. So they treated the character like a person.
• 43:53
  I mean, it just happened that they were very flamboyantly.
• 43:56
  It's just an era of filmmaking where I just assume none of it's done in good faith.
• 44:00
  Yeah, I know. That's exactly what I was thinking, too.
• 44:02
  You hate the characters. You hate everything about this movie.
• 44:05
  Oh, I loved this movie. I don't know.
• 44:07
  I could be I can love something and still be critical of it.
• 44:10
  Yeah, it was it was I thought she was an interesting character for sure.
• 44:12
  And like you notice that it's definitely a 90s film because like she's she's a woman.
• 44:16
  So she also gets the other side.
• 44:18
  She gets like the misogyny side of thing because like Nick Cage won't.
• 44:22
  Poe doesn't hit her.
• 44:23
  He doesn't want to punch her because she's a woman.
• 44:25
  So he open hand slaps her.
• 44:27
  And it's like this whole fucking thing.
• 44:28
  You know, yeah, it's just it was a trip.
• 44:31
  I don't know how I forgot to mention this, but John Cusack's in this film.
• 44:33
  That's where I was going.
• 44:34
  John Cusack wearing his like talking heads, you know, massive jacket.
• 44:39
  Holy fuck. Yeah.
• 44:41
  Suits they they really were wearing some big suits in 1997.
• 44:45
  And his jail sandals.
• 44:47
  Those are like literally the sandals they gave me when I got sent to jail.
• 44:51
  It's like, oh, oh, yeah.
• 44:52
  His mandals. Yeah.
• 44:53
  It's like the first thing I saw was like, why is he wearing?
• 44:55
  Why is he wearing those?
• 44:56
  Yeah, that was his choice.
• 44:57
  He like as a character choice, he wanted to add that in.
• 45:00
  When Cole Meany made the joke about him, like saving the rainforest
• 45:03
  and recycling his sandals, that cracked me up.
• 45:06
  And like we also like are sold as Cole Meany just being this complete asshole.
• 45:10
  Like he shows up in his sports car, like cuts off John Cusack made convert
• 45:15
  made introduction just to like park in a handicapped spot.
• 45:18
  Yeah, with the license plate as kicker.
• 45:21
  Yeah. Like, God damn it.
• 45:22
  That whole sequence where they connect the the he connects the convertible
• 45:26
  to the back of the plane was awesome.
• 45:28
  I love that. That was a great little set piece.
• 45:30
  But there's a lot of good pieces.
• 45:32
  Yeah, no, this is a film of like, you know, like, you know, like,
• 45:36
  like, I love great set pieces with very little narrative flow in between.
• 45:43
  John Malkovich didn't have a great time in this film
• 45:46
  because they were pretty much rewriting the entire script during filming.
• 45:50
  Yeah. So he never really got a grasp on like what his character was going to look like,
• 45:54
  which, I mean, I understand that'd be shitty having your role
• 45:59
  rewritten throughout an entire movie.
• 46:01
  Well, this also might explain why, again, Bushemi doesn't really have an arc
• 46:06
  and his character isn't there for.
• 46:07
  God, you're so hung up on Steve Bush.
• 46:09
  Let's move on from Bushemi.
• 46:11
  I'm on Steve Bushemi too.
• 46:13
  How is this not like just.
• 46:15
  I don't know why you're so concerned about the plot in an action movie.
• 46:20
  I want to critique this. I want to critique art.
• 46:23
  I went to art school. This is how I think about art.
• 46:26
  Like, I want to know the reason behind the reasons behind things.
• 46:29
  And if there's no reason behind it, it bugs me.
• 46:31
  Philip, which character did you hate the most?
• 46:33
  Oh, which character that hate the most?
• 46:36
  Definitely the DEA agent kind of bugged me, but he was just so,
• 46:40
  just so arch, you know, and just kind of like he's he just is an asshole.
• 46:44
  He's just a, you know, a dickhead.
• 46:46
  And I just didn't think that there was much depth beyond that.
• 46:50
  And I could have done without Chappelle's character, probably.
• 46:54
  I mean, it goes without saying fucking Danny Trejo's character is a nightmare.
• 46:57
  So, yeah, I think between three of them.
• 47:00
  One thing that was nice about Chappelle's character, though,
• 47:02
  was the fact that they had to make a Dave Chappelle corpse puppet.
• 47:06
  Yeah. Why couldn't he just lay in the landing gear?
• 47:09
  Like, we're going to do one shot. Just lay here. Don't breathe.
• 47:13
  OK, we got it. That was probably my favorite.
• 47:15
  One of my favorite, like just little scenes in this film is he's caught
• 47:18
  in the landing gear so they can't get it up.
• 47:19
  So they have to get him out.
• 47:20
  And Poe uses him as a way to get in touch with Larkin.
• 47:26
  So he just writes a note on his shirt of like, you know, Marshal Larkin.
• 47:31
  You know, we're going to this airstrip and then just takes him out of the plane.
• 47:33
  Yeah. And smashes into like old white couple's car.
• 47:36
  That causes a huge backup. That was good.
• 47:39
  OK, so we have covered the trip to Carson City, the loading of unnamed passengers,
• 47:46
  the well, and then the one important one who is Cyrus's connection out.
• 47:50
  Yeah. Right. The one that has narrative purpose.
• 47:53
  Yeah. Swamp thing.
• 47:54
  Oh, and the pilot and the pilot swamp thing.
• 47:56
  I do love swamp thing. Yeah. MC Ganey.
• 47:59
  What was the other movie we saw him in with Cage? Stolen.
• 48:03
  Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
• 48:04
  The better version version of Rage. Yeah. Yeah.
• 48:07
  You know where I recognize him from?
• 48:08
  Did you guys ever watch Lost back in the day?
• 48:10
  Oh, damn, I thought you were going to bring up sideways and talk about his dick.
• 48:13
  Oh, no, I never saw sideways.
• 48:15
  No, he was one of the like leaders of the the other group of people
• 48:18
  that had been on the island.
• 48:19
  And that's the only thing I know from.
• 48:21
  But no, now I know I can see his dick.
• 48:22
  I definitely going to watch sideways.
• 48:24
  When you see it, do you see it like front on or do you see it?
• 48:27
  He was he was.
• 48:30
  Is it is it wafting in the wind?
• 48:34
  Does it have sweet chops just like he does in this movie?
• 48:36
  Yes. Nice.
• 48:40
  We've loaded on in Carson City, and then we're now headed to the
• 48:44
  Lerner Airfield base where they're going to swap planes.
• 48:47
  The way they get the day off their back is by putting the transponder
• 48:51
  from the plane in like, you know, a tours plane.
• 48:55
  Yeah, so there's this prolonged chase of just like sightseeing pilot.
• 48:59
  Yeah, it brings Kulmini's character out
• 49:03
  and chases him off in the opposite direction.
• 49:05
  And then there's like, you know, fun and gags as they're like
• 49:09
  in the Grand Canyon or some shit.
• 49:11
  And it's like, oh, no, these attack helicopters are going to take down
• 49:15
  Bob's scenic tours.
• 49:19
  Like he reads it so slow.
• 49:20
  It's like you're next to the airplane.
• 49:22
  You can read it.
• 49:23
  I mean, I'm a pretty quick reader, but I don't need to like
• 49:26
  spelling out the words.
• 49:28
  One thing that I thought was interesting about this movie.
• 49:30
  So it's a Bruckheimer production and he, you know, usually,
• 49:33
  particularly with Michael Bay, it's very much a masturbatory exercise
• 49:37
  about military industrial complex.
• 49:39
  And this is one of the few times where they like
• 49:42
  they kind of make them seem dumb.
• 49:44
  So this movie ends in Las Vegas.
• 49:47
  I do appreciate like there's a chase at the end.
• 49:49
  And as the fire truck goes by, there's two like motorcycle cops.
• 49:54
  And as they like get into action and like drive off,
• 49:56
  a donut just falls into frame.
• 49:58
  Yeah. Yes.
• 50:00
  That was good.
• 50:01
  Cops love donuts.
• 50:02
  The ultimate plan is virus.
• 50:05
  Cyrus, the virus is going to get on a jet to Mexico or something with.
• 50:09
  Cindy, no, no credit family. Yeah.
• 50:13
  But that's a bust.
• 50:14
  So they take the plane and it they wind up having to like crash land
• 50:18
  in Vegas, like on the strip, destroying a casino that was being demolished anyway.
• 50:24
  Yeah. The sands was scheduled to be demolished.
• 50:26
  So they were like, yeah.
• 50:29
  They also like when they were filming things,
• 50:31
  the scenes with like low flying airplanes over the strip
• 50:36
  was just freaking people out in Vegas because nobody knew what was going on.
• 50:40
  People were calling the cops.
• 50:41
  You would have thought that they would like flyer the city a little bit.
• 50:43
  Yeah. Like, hey, there's going to be some weird low flying planes.
• 50:47
  Nick Cage had a really weird two years in Vegas.
• 50:51
  Yeah. All the movies he's done in Vegas and New Orleans really kind of tips
• 50:56
  his hand in what his favorite cities in this country are.
• 51:00
  Yeah. Or possibly just where he lives.
• 51:03
  Those two cities. Yeah.
• 51:04
  But Cyrus.
• 51:05
  So after the plane crashes, Cyrus, Swamp Thing and Diamond Dog
• 51:09
  all like get away on a fire truck.
• 51:13
  And instead of just being done with all of this because friends dead.
• 51:17
  Yeah. Because he got him the insulin.
• 51:20
  But then he gets killed anyway.
• 51:21
  Well, no, baby. Oh, got shot. Baby. Oh, got shot. Yeah.
• 51:24
  But he makes it off the plane.
• 51:26
  But he's like, he's done and they're running off.
• 51:28
  Yeah. Cyrus said he was going to like come for his, you know, wife and kids.
• 51:31
  But Cyrus needs to get out of the country. It's probably fine.
• 51:33
  So Nick Cage hops on a cop bike
• 51:37
  with QSAC and then the chase ensues, at which point, once they catch up,
• 51:42
  Nick Cage kills Malkovich like five times.
• 51:46
  Yeah, it was so good.
• 51:47
  Like he gets on the Jerry style, like cartoon, like death montage.
• 51:52
  Oh, yeah. The piece of wood.
• 51:53
  Yeah. He like spears his leg through the ladder on the ladder truck.
• 51:57
  And then like they fight and get that core strength.
• 52:00
  And then like he raises like handcuffs Cyrus to the ladder
• 52:04
  and then raises it up and like slams him into a thing.
• 52:07
  And that throws him into like some kind of smelting.
• 52:10
  No, like on his way down.
• 52:12
  He so he seems to know he hits power lines.
• 52:15
  Yeah, he hits power lines and then drops into like some kind of forge.
• 52:19
  Yeah, it's like slamming.
• 52:21
  Why the why the fuck is that there?
• 52:23
  Yeah, right. Why is the slamming factory right there?
• 52:26
  City planners in this universe are terrible. Yeah.
• 52:29
  Yeah. Despite what Nick thinks, I did thoroughly love this movie
• 52:33
  that has yet to be seen.
• 52:35
  This movie was fucking awesome from the word go.
• 52:38
  All right. We got it.
• 52:40
  We got to talk about we got to talk about cage just in general, like
• 52:44
  hair, the body.
• 52:46
  No, this is where we get the great like him just like wafting
• 52:49
  is like Maine in the wind.
• 52:51
  And it's so good because you get to see the mullet grow.
• 52:54
  Yeah, it's like he's arrested.
• 52:56
  He's got like cool, like tight army hair.
• 52:59
  Then like when he's getting ready for court, it's a little bit longer.
• 53:04
  And he's just like slowly growing a mullet through the movie until like
• 53:07
  when he's put in prison, it's like almost a shoulder. Yeah.
• 53:10
  And now it just fucking.
• 53:13
  Also, can we talk about his accent?
• 53:14
  It's really bad. Love it.
• 53:16
  So he's got some some absolute zingers.
• 53:18
  I think one of the best ones is when he's
• 53:21
  so Diamond Dog tells him to go down and check the landing gear,
• 53:24
  where, of course, he finds Dave Chappelle's characters,
• 53:27
  you know, dead and kind of stuck on there.
• 53:29
  And he's like, so he's been told to go and he goes,
• 53:32
  oh, then I'll get to see some nice scenery whipping by down there.
• 53:35
  There's a beat in the trees and stuff.
• 53:38
  I can look at that line. It's a good one.
• 53:40
  Yeah. I mean, his sarcasm is so good and dry in this movie.
• 53:46
  I love the way he just like talks back.
• 53:49
  But the accent is bad. Yeah.
• 53:51
  Oh, it's so fucking bad. Yeah.
• 53:53
  Yeah. There's like a back and forth where he's writing like his
• 53:55
  like his daughter's writing in prison.
• 53:57
  Her letter from preschool is like very well written.
• 54:01
  Yeah, that doesn't make any fucking sense.
• 54:03
  My teacher is nice and I love my teacher.
• 54:05
  It's like, girl, you are not writing this.
• 54:07
  Yeah, no. Your mom wrote this in like her left hand.
• 54:10
  Yeah. Not Alabama public schools.
• 54:13
  Like, yeah, the daughter says, like, you know, I like my teacher.
• 54:15
  We get to go outside for playtime, but we we hold hands when we walk out.
• 54:19
  And Nick Hader responds with their Casey.
• 54:22
  It was so good to read your letter.
• 54:25
  I'm glad you like your teacher.
• 54:28
  We don't exactly have a playtime like you do.
• 54:31
  We do go outside, though, but normally we don't hold hands,
• 54:37
  which implies that sometimes they hold hands.
• 54:41
  Listen, man, you build friendships.
• 54:43
  You know how it goes.
• 54:44
  We're holding hands right now. Yeah.
• 54:46
  That's how we always podcast.
• 54:48
  I thought that was just how jail gangs like exchanged members.
• 54:51
  Like they do a big red rover.
• 54:53
  It's like Red Rover, Red Rover.
• 54:54
  So Sean on over.
• 54:57
  I don't want to join the Latin Kings.
• 54:59
  Oh, yeah. I got the power bill over.
• 55:01
  Yeah. Do you do send white power bill?
• 55:06
  As he's running over.
• 55:07
  I mean, again, it's the Latin Kings.
• 55:08
  They don't really want to.
• 55:09
  But as he's running over, like to break it, someone just pulls out a shiv.
• 55:11
  Yeah. That's how you handle beef.
• 55:13
  Yeah. Nice game of Red Rover in the yard.
• 55:16
  Just play tag. Yeah.
• 55:18
  I feel run through a couple. Yeah.
• 55:21
  So I had this other one
• 55:22
  that I love where he's talking to Diamond Dog again and Diamond Dog comes over
• 55:25
  and he's like, Yeehaw, what's on your mind, Hillbilly?
• 55:28
  And pose like, Oh, what was I thinking?
• 55:31
  Oh, yeah. Yeehaw. That's right.
• 55:35
  Such an amazing character.
• 55:37
  It is. Yeah.
• 55:38
  He just wrote him beautifully.
• 55:40
  I love it.
• 55:41
  What about you, Nick?
• 55:42
  My favorite quote is like after Garland has gotten on the plane
• 55:47
  controversially and.
• 55:51
  I know you're just staring at me.
• 55:53
  John's going to kick you in the dick.
• 55:55
  So after Cyrus has gotten on the plane and
• 56:00
  Billy is like going off being a dickhead about something.
• 56:04
  Baby Oh and Cage are sitting there and Garland like just like without being
• 56:09
  asked to just psychoanalyzes Billy for them.
• 56:12
  And Cage and Baby Oh just kind of turned back.
• 56:16
  And Baby Oh is like, what is wrong with him?
• 56:18
  And Cage just says, well, my first guess would be a lot.
• 56:26
  This might be one of my favorite Nicholas Cage characters.
• 56:28
  Yeah, the character is just top notch.
• 56:31
  I mean, and like the roundhouse kick, as Philip mentioned earlier,
• 56:34
  like all that kind of shit like he it's so fun.
• 56:36
  He like dives through a window to get away from a gas station blowing up.
• 56:41
  Yeah, this is like peak.
• 56:43
  I mean, I think this is the start of Action Cage.
• 56:45
  Like this is the buffest he's ever been.
• 56:47
  Well, yeah, he was working out between scenes.
• 56:50
  He would like pump iron just to keep that physique.
• 56:53
  And it was the same month that Face Off came out.
• 56:57
  Like they were filmed back to back and then Face Off came out
• 57:01
  three weeks after this movie.
• 57:03
  So, Philip, do you have some some additional thoughts on this?
• 57:06
  Oh, yeah. I want to talk to you guys about Diamond Dog.
• 57:09
  I love the way that Diamond Dog is introduced into the movie.
• 57:13
  You know how they're doing the sort of like rundown to
• 57:15
  so this is Ving Rhames character, they're doing the rundown of the different cons
• 57:19
  that are coming off of the boss and like, oh, who's so and so?
• 57:21
  Oh, he murdered his his wife's family and blah, blah.
• 57:24
  So they get to Diamond Dog.
• 57:25
  And I don't know if they intentionally made this made him such a badass.
• 57:29
  I liked his introduction.
• 57:30
  I'm like, I get his I get the cut of his gym.
• 57:33
  I was in the same boat.
• 57:34
  I was like, oh, shit, this guy is based.
• 57:36
  We like him. He's like, you know, because the whole thing is that I don't know.
• 57:39
  I've seen my students.
• 57:41
  It's the youth.
• 57:44
  I love the gen Z slang.
• 57:46
  No, but the thing is, he like they're like, yeah.
• 57:47
  So he got locked up because he basically he blew up an NRA meeting,
• 57:52
  you know, because they're like the basis, the basis representation of
• 57:55
  of like the white race.
• 57:56
  I was like, oh, hell, yeah, man. Good.
• 57:59
  Yeah, I was rooting for Diamond Dog.
• 58:02
  I mean, he's very much just a black power response to the movie.
• 58:06
  But this is the third Nicholas Cage Ving Rhames movie that we've watched.
• 58:10
  It was bringing out the dead this and Kiss of Death where he played Omar.
• 58:14
  Yeah. But in an interview after bringing out the dead,
• 58:17
  when asked about working with Nick Cage, he said he's a natural.
• 58:21
  It's a good natural actor.
• 58:23
  And he says, look, Ving, whenever whatever you do, I will respond to it.
• 58:28
  It's like a good tennis match like Agassi versus Sampras.
• 58:31
  We hit well together.
• 58:33
  So that's nice. You know, that's cool.
• 58:34
  And that they enjoyed or at least he enjoyed working with Nicholas Cage.
• 58:37
  You have to find someone who has something negative to say about working
• 58:40
  with Nicholas Cage. Yeah, that's a good point.
• 58:42
  Yeah, it's it's always been pretty glowing reviews.
• 58:45
  Except for that one person who said he was a little intense.
• 58:49
  Peggy Sue got married. Oh, yeah. OK, that's Peggy Sue got married.
• 58:52
  She hated him.
• 58:53
  He was like, yeah, really.
• 58:55
  That's early Kate. And he was still getting his sea legs.
• 58:57
  He was figuring shows just the worst character to play.
• 59:01
  Did he pick the worst voice that he could have?
• 59:04
  Not the worst character play, but he played that character.
• 59:06
  I was thinking Zonda Lee in the painting scene because she did not appreciate.
• 59:11
  Yeah, there was some consent stuff on that one.
• 59:14
  Much like Joss Whedon.
• 59:16
  All men like working with Nick Cage.
• 59:19
  Yeah, that's fair.
• 59:20
  I don't know, Philip. Any final thoughts on Conair?
• 59:23
  Yeah, I wasn't sure when the right time to share this is, but I did look up.
• 59:26
  I found an article with it was an interview with the director.
• 59:29
  So this is from Den of Geek.
• 59:31
  I was reading an article over there and it was saying that like,
• 59:34
  this was obviously a joke, somebody was asking Simon West about Conair 2.
• 59:38
  And he was basically like, well, I think the logical conclusion
• 59:40
  is that we would do Conair 2 in space.
• 59:44
  He was like, it'd be a satire about commercial space travel.
• 59:48
  There'd be like, you know, a private space travel companies have like hired
• 59:52
  convicts to work on their flights and like, you know, they'd be taking pot
• 59:56
  shots at like Musk and Bezos and everything.
• 59:59
  And he said this crazy thing about he was like Garland.
• 1:00:02
  So Bushemi's character not to bring it back to Bushemi, but he was like, yeah.
• 1:00:06
  And you know, Garland, Garland would be running for president if not
• 1:00:10
  already having been elected because he has, you know, all the hallmarks
• 1:00:13
  of bouncing back and surviving, which is just another like weird twist
• 1:00:16
  in the whole like, what the fuck was going on with Garland in this movie?
• 1:00:19
  But yeah, I just wanted to hear your guys thoughts about Conair 2 in space.
• 1:00:23
  I love it. I want it. Do it. Yeah.
• 1:00:25
  Poe will be he'll be on like the commercial flight, like him, like with his daughter,
• 1:00:30
  his grown daughter, his grown daughter.
• 1:00:31
  And yeah, you know, he'll see Garland there.
• 1:00:34
  And he's like, who's I can't remember who survives in this film from the bad guys.
• 1:00:37
  Yeah. Mm hmm.
• 1:00:38
  How does Diamond Dog go? Motorcycle to the face. That's right.
• 1:00:41
  Oh, yeah. No, yeah. Motorcycle. He got motorcycle to the face.
• 1:00:44
  Swamp Thing gets ejected.
• 1:00:45
  He gets from the front of the fire engine when it crashes.
• 1:00:49
  And then and Cyrus, the virus gets killed eight times.
• 1:00:53
  The smashing, the smashing, the electrifying, the re smashing.
• 1:00:57
  Right. Johnny died in the plane accident
• 1:01:00
  and then lost his arm with all of his tattoos.
• 1:01:02
  Oh, yeah. That was gnarly.
• 1:01:04
  I did like when the cops walk up and they're like, yeah, this one's dead.
• 1:01:07
  And they like take him away.
• 1:01:08
  But then the arms still hang in there. That was that was really good.
• 1:01:11
  That was a good shot.
• 1:01:12
  And we should talk about the ending when he like finally meets his daughter.
• 1:01:15
  She was actually eight.
• 1:01:17
  I was going to surprise when people play their actual age.
• 1:01:19
  Yeah, I was going to get a haircut.
• 1:01:21
  What? She should have been 30.
• 1:01:22
  Well, I don't know. Yeah.
• 1:01:23
  I expect children to be terrible on film sets, even when they don't have lines.
• 1:01:28
  I was going to get a haircut before I before I met you.
• 1:01:30
  But something came up and it gives you this really gross rabbit
• 1:01:34
  that he like got from the beginning and wipes it on his like bloody dirty shirt.
• 1:01:39
  Oh, like, oh, he's a southern boy. Yeah.
• 1:01:42
  Oh, yeah. Also at the end,
• 1:01:44
  Cole Meany and Qsac are just buds.
• 1:01:47
  But let bygones be bygones, man.
• 1:01:49
  Like this movie knows when it needs to rap.
• 1:01:52
  Yeah. It's like, all right, we're done. Bye.
• 1:01:54
  All right. This movie knows when it needs to rap is a bit of a misleading thing.
• 1:01:58
  I think it could have ended about three times in the last half hour.
• 1:02:02
  And it just keeps going. It does.
• 1:02:04
  It's a long movie.
• 1:02:04
  It's two hours and 15 minutes or something like that.
• 1:02:07
  Yeah. Flew by for me.
• 1:02:09
  It goes quick. I watched it twice.
• 1:02:10
  I didn't mind it at all.
• 1:02:12
  I mean, it's the most recent action film I watched.
• 1:02:14
  This is up there for me in terms of just the most fun. Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:17
  It's a fun movie for sure.
• 1:02:18
  If you put it against like the quote unquote Nick Cage, Holy Trinity,
• 1:02:22
  this is definitely my favorite of the three.
• 1:02:24
  Yeah. Which would be face off this and the rock. Yes.
• 1:02:28
  Yeah. Also great use of the like name of the movie in the movie.
• 1:02:31
  There were a lot of really good self referential moments like that,
• 1:02:35
  like with the Cyrus doing the welcome con air.
• 1:02:37
  Did you get the bit where they're all he's talking to Poe is talking to Baby Oh.
• 1:02:41
  And he's like, I just can't believe that they, you know, put all of these,
• 1:02:45
  all the craziest motherfuckers in the world on a single plane.
• 1:02:47
  And then we somehow ended up in the middle of it and blah, blah, blah.
• 1:02:50
  So I think the movie like they knew what they were doing.
• 1:02:53
  I think it's oh, yeah.
• 1:02:54
  I hope that it was supposed to be this campy even back when it came out.
• 1:02:58
  I just can't remember.
• 1:02:59
  Like we're all action movies that like campy and and kind of like satirical
• 1:03:03
  or self referential. I don't know.
• 1:03:05
  They were a little more self serious.
• 1:03:06
  A lot of the movies were a little more self serious.
• 1:03:08
  But this is, you know, I mean, it's it's kind of the lethal weapon era of thing.
• 1:03:12
  If you look at like action movies that came out in this year,
• 1:03:16
  the tone of the movie tracks well.
• 1:03:18
  I mean, you've got like Speed 2 Starship Troopers,
• 1:03:22
  hmm, Fifth Element. Oh, yeah. OK.
• 1:03:24
  I'm hesitant to say Beverly Hills Ninja is an action movie,
• 1:03:28
  but for some reason, Google says it is well in the tough guy category.
• 1:03:32
  There is the Holy Trinity.
• 1:03:33
  Two of these might go to the end.
• 1:03:35
  And but all of this, all of the Holy Trinity, they're all two plus hours.
• 1:03:38
  Yep. Like I just want a tight action film.
• 1:03:40
  I don't know if you want a tight action film.
• 1:03:42
  You should I could recommend Rage to you.
• 1:03:44
  It's riveting.
• 1:03:46
  Did that come out? Oh, we're losing connection.
• 1:03:49
  Crippled Masters. Watch it.
• 1:03:51
  I will. All right.
• 1:03:52
  Venn diagram.
• 1:03:53
  Philip, what do you think?
• 1:03:53
  Good movie, bad movie.
• 1:03:55
  Good cage, bad, bad, good, good performance, bad.
• 1:03:58
  Damn good, good movie, good cage.
• 1:04:01
  It is entertaining.
• 1:04:02
  It is like eating candy or a bag of popcorn.
• 1:04:04
  I thoroughly enjoyed it.
• 1:04:06
  You don't have to think too hard about it.
• 1:04:07
  And Nicolas Cage has some of his best one liners that I think I've seen in
• 1:04:12
  and in his career. So, yeah.
• 1:04:14
  Yeah, I'm going to also sell great film. Great cage.
• 1:04:17
  Great movie. Great cage.
• 1:04:18
  It's a full go for me.
• 1:04:20
  I fucking love it.
• 1:04:22
  We should probably decide what's going to go forward.
• 1:04:24
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:04:25
  Rock, paper, scissors.
• 1:04:26
  Sure. Tight.
• 1:04:27
  Well, one, two, three.
• 1:04:28
  Conair. Conair.
• 1:04:30
  OK, great.
• 1:04:31
  Hooray. I can't wait to watch this movie again.
• 1:04:33
  Yeah, it's fun.
• 1:04:34
  That's going to be a good one.
• 1:04:36
  All right. Here's my here's my closing thought on this film.
• 1:04:38
  There's a lot.
• 1:04:38
  He learns a lot of skills in jail
• 1:04:41
  that you think like Chekhov's origami.
• 1:04:43
  Chekhov's Spanish is going to come into play.
• 1:04:45
  Now, the only thing we the only payoff we get is Chekhov's rapist.
• 1:04:48
  Danny Sayho says he's going to rape in scene one
• 1:04:50
  and he tries to do a rape in scene three.
• 1:04:52
  It's true. I'm probably going to.
• 1:04:53
  I don't know if that qualifies as Chekhov's rape, though,
• 1:04:56
  because it's like it is just declared rape.
• 1:04:58
  Yeah, that's just like failed intent.
• 1:05:00
  Yeah, right.
• 1:05:02
  Failure to launch.
• 1:05:05
  All right. We got it.
• 1:05:06
  We got it. Yeah.
• 1:05:07
  An erectile dysfunction story.
• 1:05:10
  All right.
• 1:05:12
  Peter, Peter, why don't you wrap this up?
• 1:05:13
  Yeah. So thank you, everybody, for listening.
• 1:05:16
  Philip, thank you for being here.
• 1:05:18
  Thanks for being my brother.
• 1:05:19
  Yeah, thanks for having me. This was a blast, guys.
• 1:05:21
  Please rate, review, subscribe.
• 1:05:22
  We are on Instagram at Cage underscore match underscore pod.
• 1:05:26
  We are on Reddit at Cage match pod and on Patreon.
• 1:05:29
  If you want to support us, that's super helpful for us.
• 1:05:32
  And we are at Cage match and special thanks to our Sparkle buddies,
• 1:05:35
  Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam and to our cage dancers,
• 1:05:40
  Ira, John and Freeman.
• 1:05:42
  Thank you all for supporting us and listening to us.
• 1:05:44
  Yell about Garland Green, Steve Buscemi's character.
• 1:05:50
  I'm going to get a shirt made with his face on it.
• 1:05:53
  Fine.
• 1:05:55
  I don't hate the character.
• 1:05:56
  I just didn't see the point in the movie.
• 1:05:58
  Thanks for listening, everybody.
• 1:05:59
  What's consistency of storytelling?
• 1:06:01
  I want tight storytelling.
• 1:06:02
  I'm just going to leave it with you yelling and Nick laughing in the background.
• 1:06:06
  It's great. It's perfect.
• 1:06:08
  It's perfect. Bye bye, everybody.
• 1:06:21
  Well, actually, you're wrong.
• 1:06:23
  You're right. Stupid.
• 1:06:24
  And I don't like your face.
• 1:06:26
  I'm going to I'm so glad you're over here because now I can just turn you down
• 1:06:29
  whenever I want. I can mute you.
• 1:06:30
  Oh, yeah, that's your one.
• 1:06:32
  Yeah, fuck it.
• 1:06:32
  You're one you dumb fuck.
• 1:06:36
  Ha, now I learned I'm number one on this podcast.
• 1:06:38
  There you go. Nerds.
• 1:06:42
  Why do you do anything sober?
• 1:06:44
  Yeah, what a lame.
• 1:06:48
  In a world full of all these substances, why do you do anything sober?
• 1:06:52
  This is the one thing I do.
• 1:06:54
  Sober's watch these films so I can fucking talk about them.
• 1:06:56
  The only thing I do sober is masturbate
• 1:06:59
  because I want to feel the full gravity of the situation on my body.
• 1:07:03
  That's a.
• 1:07:04
  Well, that's definitely staying in.
• 1:07:08
  That's our that's our outro thing. Right.