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Transcript

Self-Love Isn't Self-Care · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:11
  Hey guys, welcome back to mom gone mild.
• 0:14
  I'm your host, Lex. I hope everyone had an amazing
• 0:18
  week and a fantastic Father's Day.
• 0:21
  We definitely spoiled the crap out of Randy.
• 0:24
  I just want to make sure I'm recording because it's the third
• 0:27
  time I've done this. Anyways, he deserves it.
• 0:30
  He's an amazing husband, he's a great father, and he deserves to
• 0:34
  be spoiled. So like, I feel like I say this
• 0:37
  every week, but I just read all your messages and they just
• 0:43
  remind me exactly why I started this podcast.
• 0:46
  I wanted to create a space where women felt comfortable, where
• 0:49
  they felt seen, and somewhere we can honestly laugh together.
• 0:53
  All right, let's get into today's episode.
• 0:55
  We are talking about self love. I know, I know, I know.
• 1:00
  You've heard those words 1000 times.
• 1:04
  I feel like we hear love yourself, know your worth.
• 1:07
  We've all heard it. I get it.
• 1:10
  But I don't think many people really explain what self Love
• 1:15
  Actually looks like. And honestly, I think we've
• 1:19
  really confused self love with self-care.
• 1:23
  Now don't chew my head off, OK? I love self-care.
• 1:27
  Give me a Starbucks, fresh nails, a massage any day.
• 1:31
  And I'm not going to say no self-care really does matter.
• 1:37
  It helps us recharge. But here's what I've honestly
• 1:42
  realized. Self-care makes you feel better.
• 1:46
  Self love makes your life better.
• 1:49
  To be honest, those are two completely different things.
• 1:54
  Because I could get my nails done, I could feel good for
• 1:56
  about an hour and I still answer the text I knew I shouldn't have
• 2:01
  with the response that I knew I shouldn't have.
• 2:04
  I could buy the cutest outfit and still look at myself in the
• 2:08
  mirror and pick apart everything that I see.
• 2:11
  I could look put together I feel like on the outside and still
• 2:17
  accept things that honestly were breaking me on the inside.
• 2:22
  And that's when it hit me. Maybe I wasn't loving myself as
• 2:28
  much as I thought I was. Looking back, I don't think I
• 2:31
  necessarily hated myself. I think I I guess I think I
• 2:37
  abandoned myself little by little, piece by piece.
• 2:41
  I said yes when I really wanted to say no.
• 2:45
  I ignored tons of red flags because I wanted to believe
• 2:50
  people would change. They didn't.
• 2:52
  I over explained myself so many times because I was so afraid of
• 2:57
  upsetting anyone. I kept giving people chances
• 3:02
  they probably never would have given me, and I just, I think
• 3:06
  that that's who I thought I was, I guess.
• 3:10
  But now I realize something. Every time we ignore our own
• 3:14
  needs. Every time we betray our own
• 3:17
  boundaries. I've done it so many Times Now.
• 3:19
  Every time we break another promise to ourselves, we're just
• 3:26
  teaching ourselves that we don't matter.
• 3:29
  And I have a feeling there's no way I'm the only woman who's
• 3:34
  done that. So today, I don't want to tell
• 3:37
  you love yourself. I feel like that's so kind of
• 3:40
  simple to say. I want to talk about what it
• 3:43
  actually looks like to love yourself.
• 3:45
  Because once I finally understood the difference,
• 3:48
  everything kind of started to change.
• 3:51
  And I want to say something before we keep going.
• 3:55
  I'm definitely not going to sit here and pretend like I've
• 3:58
  mastered any of this. I'm not trying to sell you a
• 4:01
  course or anything like that. I am literally on my own journey
• 4:05
  of self discovery, self realization.
• 4:08
  I'm growing, I'm learning, I'm becoming well, I'm trying to
• 4:13
  become the best version of myself just one day at a time.
• 4:15
  I don't think I'll ever fully get there.
• 4:17
  It is a process and honestly, I just love bringing you guys
• 4:21
  along with me because I do feel like every time I learn
• 4:25
  something that's helped me become a healthier, happier,
• 4:29
  stronger version of me, I do think like, gosh, I can't wait
• 4:33
  to share it with you guys because you guys have literally
• 4:35
  become my best friends, my sisters.
• 4:38
  Not because I don't want you to think like, oh, she has all the
• 4:41
  answers because I don't know, maybe somewhere it can just help
• 4:47
  one person. Maybe it helps you.
• 4:49
  So what does self love look like to me, Honestly, I wish it was
• 4:54
  like this glamorous thing. It's not, you know, bubble
• 4:59
  baths. It's not vacations.
• 5:02
  It's not buying yourself something because you've had a
• 5:04
  hard day. Sometimes it's just doing the
• 5:09
  things you don't feel like doing because you know they're good
• 5:12
  for you. For me, I feel like a huge
• 5:15
  example of this is my health. And I talk about this all the
• 5:19
  time because this is what I'm going through in real life.
• 5:22
  You guys know I've been on this journey over, I think it's like
• 5:26
  5 months now and people always ask me oh, what finally changed?
• 5:30
  Like what clicked? And I feel like the truth is it
• 5:34
  wasn't really motivation. I still get up and I'm not
• 5:38
  motivated. You know, I'm not excited for
• 5:40
  leg day. I mean, I am excited because now
• 5:43
  I, you know, I'm making a home gym and I worked really hard on
• 5:46
  it. So that's something I'm proud
• 5:48
  of. But what actually changed, I
• 5:51
  guess was like the way I talked to myself for years and years.
• 5:56
  I kept thinking like when I lose the weight then I'll love
• 5:59
  myself. But one day I realized I
• 6:03
  completely had it backwards. I started loving myself first.
• 6:07
  I decided I deserve to feel better even before anything
• 6:11
  physically changed in me. And because of that I finally
• 6:15
  started treating my body like someone I cared about.
• 6:19
  Not because I hated my body, but because I honestly appreciated
• 6:23
  it. And that, to me, changed
• 6:27
  everything. And I think this applies to so
• 6:30
  much more than health. You don't like it.
• 6:33
  I said, this is my thing. Maybe for you, it isn't the gym.
• 6:36
  Maybe it's finally leaving that relationship you've outgrown.
• 6:40
  Maybe it's making the doctor's appointment that you keep
• 6:44
  putting off. Maybe it's applying for the job
• 6:49
  that you really want, but you feel so comfortable in the job
• 6:53
  that you have now. Maybe it's simply, you know,
• 6:55
  believe you're worthy of more than what you've been settling
• 6:59
  for. Self love looks completely
• 7:03
  different for everyone, but one thing stays the same.
• 7:07
  It is literally asking yourself to show up even when it's
• 7:12
  uncomfortable. I feel like change guys, it's
• 7:15
  always going to be uncomfortable.
• 7:17
  It's easy to stay just content even when nobody is clapping for
• 7:22
  you, even when literally no one else notices.
• 7:26
  But you will notice because every time you keep a promise to
• 7:28
  yourself, feel like that builds trust with yourself and you know
• 7:33
  you got you. And that's, that's saying a lot.
• 7:37
  I honestly think that's where confidence comes from too,
• 7:41
  because for me, it's not like a number on the scale, It's not a
• 7:46
  compliment that somebody gives me.
• 7:47
  It's not from social media. It comes from honestly becoming
• 7:52
  someone you know you can count on.
• 7:54
  Like I said, I got me and then I became a mom and that's changed
• 8:00
  me in so many ways. I know I say it all the time,
• 8:02
  but it has. I never expected it.
• 8:05
  Not just because I had Axel, but because he made me realize
• 8:10
  something someone is always watching.
• 8:13
  And before you think this only applies to moms, stay with me,
• 8:19
  OK? I know.
• 8:20
  I know not everyone that listens is a mom and you know, but I
• 8:25
  think this applies to every woman.
• 8:26
  Whether you have kids, you want kids someday, or you just never
• 8:31
  want kids at all. The way we love ourselves
• 8:33
  teaches other people how to love us.
• 8:35
  Motherhood, I guess, just made that kind of impossible for me
• 8:40
  to ignore anymore because somewhere along the way, you
• 8:45
  know, we normalize the idea that moms have to sacrifice
• 8:49
  everything. That is just the way to be the
• 8:52
  best mom, you know, the mom who's exhausted, the mom who
• 8:57
  never asks for help, the mom who feels guilty, you know, for
• 9:02
  taking 30 minutes to herself. And don't get me wrong,
• 9:07
  motherhood comes with sacrifice. I do anything for Axel.
• 9:12
  Every mom listening probably knows exactly what I mean, but I
• 9:17
  think we've confused sacrifice with self abandonment.
• 9:22
  And there is a huge difference. If I'm completely, you know,
• 9:27
  running on empty, if I'm overwhelmed, if I have nothing
• 9:31
  left to give, who does that actually help?
• 9:35
  Because it doesn't help me. It doesn't help Randy, it does
• 9:39
  not help my marriage whatsoever, and it definitely does not help
• 9:42
  my son. I don't want Axel growing up
• 9:46
  believing that loving your family means losing yourself.
• 9:50
  I want him to remember a mom who laughed, a mom who chased, you
• 9:55
  know, her goals, a mom who took care of herself.
• 10:00
  You know, I feel like a lot of people think that that's
• 10:03
  selfish, but it's not. I just want to be a mom who asks
• 10:06
  for help when she needs it. A mom who could say, you know, I
• 10:10
  need a break and that's fine without feeling so much damn
• 10:14
  guilt. Because one day, if Axel decides
• 10:17
  he wants his own family, I hope he encourages his wife to take
• 10:23
  care of herself too. Because that's the example I
• 10:28
  want to set for him. I want him to grow up
• 10:30
  understanding that. And honestly, I think somewhere
• 10:34
  along the way, I don't know where it comes from, but women
• 10:37
  get this message that being strong meant being hard.
• 10:43
  Be the bad bitch, never cry, never let anyone know they hurt
• 10:48
  you. And listen, I still consider
• 10:50
  myself a bad bitch. I am that bitch.
• 10:53
  I will always say I am of a confident woman walking into the
• 10:56
  room like you own it. Know your worth, protect your
• 10:59
  peace. But just let's not confuse
• 11:03
  confidence with closing our hearts, because I was like that
• 11:08
  too. But you can be a bad bitch and
• 11:10
  still be a soft 1. You can have boundaries because
• 11:14
  they are healthy for you, and you can still be kind and you
• 11:18
  can still know your worth and you can still be vulnerable.
• 11:22
  I actually think there's something incredibly beautiful
• 11:26
  about a woman who's confident enough to say, yeah, that
• 11:31
  actually did hurt me, or speak up for yourself or I need help,
• 11:36
  OK? I don't have it all figured out.
• 11:38
  And that doesn't make me weak. I think it makes me human.
• 11:44
  I don't want life to make me hard.
• 11:47
  I mean, I've had that before. And it just was good for nobody.
• 11:51
  You know, I've I wanted to make me wiser.
• 11:54
  I wanted to make me more resilient, more compassionate,
• 11:59
  because to me, the strongest women aren't the ones who never
• 12:04
  cry. I feel like they're the ones who
• 12:07
  keep loving even after they've been hurt.
• 12:10
  I know I've been through it. I think that's real strength to
• 12:15
  be honest. So if you take one thing away
• 12:19
  from this episode, I hope it is honestly this self love isn't
• 12:24
  something you magically wake up with one day.
• 12:28
  It's something you practice and it's choosing yourself in just
• 12:34
  small little moments. The moments nobody claps for,
• 12:39
  the moments nobody sees. It's just you and you're
• 12:43
  deciding to keep the promises you made to yourself.
• 12:47
  It's setting the healthy boundaries.
• 12:49
  It's asking for help when you need it.
• 12:51
  It's literally walking away from what keeps hurting you.
• 12:56
  It's just believing you're worthy of peace.
• 12:59
  Every person is. And here's the beautiful part.
• 13:02
  You don't have to do it perfectly because trust me, I, I
• 13:07
  don't at all. There are still days where I
• 13:11
  overthink. I am such an overthinker.
• 13:13
  I hate it. But you know, days where I
• 13:17
  second guess myself, I'm human. Days where I have to remind
• 13:21
  myself of everything we've literally talked about today.
• 13:25
  I'm a work in progress. I'm learning too.
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  And maybe that's what self love really is.
• 13:31
  I feel like it's not perfection, just making the decision over
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  and over again to stop, I guess abandoning yourself because you
• 13:42
  deserve the same kind of kindness, the same grace, the
• 13:45
  same love that you give everyone and you give it to them so
• 13:50
  freely. Why don't you give it to
• 13:51
  yourself? So I feel like that's a good
• 13:55
  place to stop. I'm going to stop preaching now.
• 13:57
  Thank you guys so much for hanging out with me today.
• 14:01
  If this episode made you think of that one friend, your sister,
• 14:05
  your mom, or just another woman that needs to this reminder,
• 14:09
  send her her way. And if you've guys been enjoying
• 14:13
  mom gone mild, I ask you this all the time, but follow the
• 14:17
  podcast wherever you're listening.
• 14:19
  Leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Momgonemild under
• 14:23
  score podcast. I do a lot of giveaways, so stay
• 14:27
  tuned of seeing your guys's messages.
• 14:29
  It means so much. Some of my best ideas come from
• 14:32
  your guys's messages, so please keep messaging me.
• 14:35
  And you know, more importantly, love yourself enough to really
• 14:38
  choose yourself as always. Same time, same place next week.
• 14:43
  Bye.