Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / Trump Winces While Chinese President Xi Chills & Melania Hides a Mic Behind Her Body | Breaking

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Trump Winces While Chinese President Xi Chills & Melania Hides a Mic Behind Her Body | Breaking · Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.

• 0:00
  Trump made the military get on their knees and
• 0:02
  roll out the red carpet for President Xi. And
• 0:04
  Melania Trump apparently lost her voice as Xi
• 0:07
  hides a microphone behind her back. But don't
• 0:09
  worry, we're going to fill in the blanks. That
• 0:11
  smell is intolerable. That's right, President
• 0:18
  Trump rolled out the red carpet for the Chinese
• 0:20
  president, while President Xi wouldn't even pick
• 0:22
  up Trump from the airport. This follows an embarrassing
• 0:25
  day at the UN where Trump couldn't even find
• 0:27
  the person next to him. Or get CNN's own Caitlin
• 0:31
  Collins finally off his back. Literally. Well,
• 0:34
  at least AI says so. Let's get right into it.
• 0:38
  Yeah, so today the American public is shocked
• 0:40
  because the military servicemen are rolling out
• 0:43
  the red carpet for the communist leader of China.
• 0:47
  Yep, that's right. While President Xi waits on
• 0:49
  the airplane the military servicemen are literally
• 0:52
  rolling out the red carpet and they're literally
• 0:55
  on their knees right now dusting the carpet off
• 0:57
  and smoothing it out for the communist leader
• 1:00
  of China. Meanwhile in America Trump accuses
• 1:04
  Democrats of being communists. I'm just a little
• 1:06
  bit confused about who we should be mad at right
• 1:09
  now. Anyway, President Shane and his wife step
• 1:11
  off Air Force One and get the full warm greeting
• 1:14
  from President Trump and Melania. And I'm kind
• 1:18
  of impressed that Melania actually decided to
• 1:20
  show up this time. By the way, has anyone noticed
• 1:23
  Melania's hair seems to have gotten a lot longer
• 1:25
  lately? Does anyone think maybe she got some
• 1:27
  extensions put in? I noticed it yesterday at
• 1:30
  the UN. And here they are, processing down the
• 1:33
  red carpet, but people were quick to notice there's
• 1:36
  something odd about Trump's hands. He's wearing
• 1:39
  black leather gloves. And checking the weather
• 1:42
  in DC, it's around 63 degrees Fahrenheit, which
• 1:45
  isn't exactly frosty, although Trump's hands
• 1:48
  are normally smeared in makeup, so maybe he's
• 1:50
  doing President Xi a favor? He probably doesn't
• 1:52
  want to get any makeup on President Xi's hands,
• 1:55
  and that's a great idea. Classy move, sir. And
• 1:57
  here we are, President Xi has to wait for a military
• 2:00
  flyover. Trump thinks he's really impressing
• 2:03
  President Xi, but President Xi just kind of has
• 2:06
  that placid look on his face the whole time.
• 2:08
  It looks less like he's impressed and more like
• 2:10
  he's just waiting for this to be over. And if
• 2:13
  Trump wanted to impress President Xi, maybe not
• 2:16
  pick a plane that he's already got plenty of
• 2:18
  in China anyway. Apparently Trump wasn't very
• 2:21
  impressed himself. That's right, President Trump
• 2:24
  winces in pain from the sound of the F -35 while
• 2:27
  President Xi just looks up and turns his head
• 2:29
  casually. Looks like Trump couldn't take the
• 2:32
  heat. But for President Xi, this is just Wednesday.
• 2:36
  And the internet is in full meltdown mode. Everyone's
• 2:38
  reacting to Trump flinching. Just take a look
• 2:40
  at all these funny reactions. Who flinched? I
• 2:44
  think we know the answer to that. Here's Ed Krausenstein
• 2:47
  asking if Trump actually had a mini -stroke.
• 2:50
  And I haven't even done a search for this. This
• 2:51
  is just what shows up on the top of my feed.
• 2:54
  Given how much Trump prepared for this visit,
• 2:56
  I think this is off to a pretty rocky start.
• 2:59
  And I wanted to have a quick flashback to a couple
• 3:01
  days ago when Trump announced his heliport that
• 3:04
  President Xi would be arriving on at the White
• 3:06
  House. Trump was facing a boycott from the press
• 3:09
  pool because he threw out reporters from the
• 3:11
  White House he didn't like. And you know what
• 3:13
  happened? They controlled the audio. So look
• 3:15
  what happens here when Trump starts talking.
• 3:18
  I just can never get over this. This is so funny
• 3:21
  to me. Trump is rambling on and nobody can hear
• 3:24
  him. And America was so happy that for once Trump
• 3:27
  was speaking and we had no idea what he was saying.
• 3:31
  But people did start filling in the gaps. ads
• 3:44
  help keep the lights on here at It's Not Satire.
• 3:46
  But if ads give you the ick, let me help you
• 3:48
  with that. If you want all the absurdity without
• 3:50
  the ads, subscribe to my sub stack and look for
• 3:52
  the ad free podcast option. The link is in the
• 3:55
  show notes. Now let's get into the absurdity.
• 3:58
  That's right. This reminded me so much of that
• 4:00
  moment from Charlie Brown and peanuts when the
• 4:02
  teacher would start speaking and you just heard
• 4:04
  that wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And it turns
• 4:07
  out this is one of the most viral reels that
• 4:09
  I've ever made on Facebook and TikTok. If you
• 4:13
  want to see more funny reels like that, make
• 4:14
  sure you follow me on all the platforms. I'm
• 4:17
  pretty much on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, anywhere
• 4:20
  they post reels. And these things must be making
• 4:23
  Trump angry because somebody took this photo
• 4:25
  last night. Apparently Trump isn't just having
• 4:27
  trouble controlling his bodily movements, but
• 4:30
  also his emotions. But here's what might explain
• 4:33
  why Trump was so angry. Trump was at the U .N.
• 4:36
  yesterday and he was confronted by Caitlin Collins,
• 4:39
  who he'd kicked out of the White House. Trump
• 4:42
  was really confused because she wasn't supposed
• 4:44
  to be there anymore. You should not be here covering
• 4:47
  me. You said you weren't going to cover me. You
• 4:49
  shouldn't be covering me. Turns out Trump's plan
• 4:51
  was foiled because Caitlin Collins actually got
• 4:53
  her press credentials from the UN, not the White
• 4:56
  House. Seems like Trump's having a little bit
• 4:58
  of trouble getting Caitlin Collins off his back,
• 5:01
  and one Twitter user took that literally. Mr.
• 5:03
  President, are you going to address the Security
• 5:05
  Council? What is your position on the peacekeeping
• 5:07
  resolution? Will you meet with the Secretary
• 5:10
  General? Oh my God. Mr. President, the world
• 5:12
  is watching. Will you comment on the human rights
• 5:16
  report? You know, I haven't been the biggest
• 5:18
  fan of a lot of the AI videos out there, but
• 5:20
  that one was pretty funny, I'll give it that.
• 5:24
  So while everyone else was noticing how Trump
• 5:26
  was getting outmaneuvered by Caitlin Collins,
• 5:28
  I actually noticed a different thing about that
• 5:30
  clip, Melania. It's an honor to be here. I'm
• 5:33
  surprised that CNN is here covering me. The United
• 5:36
  Nations allowed us in, sir. Try not to inhale.
• 5:41
  That smell is intolerable. He needs changing.
• 5:47
  Where's Natalie? How does she do it? So in a
• 5:53
  rare moment, Melania was sitting next to Trump
• 5:55
  while he was talking and we got to see her reactions
• 5:58
  in real time. So I did what anyone would do.
• 6:01
  I just started to create a narrative about what
• 6:03
  she might be thinking because hey, why not? And
• 6:06
  apparently it resonated with a lot of people
• 6:08
  as it got 700 ,000 views on Facebook in less
• 6:11
  than 24 hours. Try not to inhale. That smell
• 6:15
  is intolerable. And I'm sure you guessed that
• 6:18
  I used an AI voice generator to narrate that,
• 6:21
  so that's not actually Melania talking. No First
• 6:24
  Ladies were harmed in the making of this video.
• 6:27
  But then also in New York, we thought we actually
• 6:29
  would get to hear Melania's real voice. Wait,
• 6:32
  what just happened? Melania just got the microphone
• 6:35
  and she hid it behind her body. I don't know
• 6:44
  what's happening, but maybe Melania is being
• 6:47
  self -conscious and doesn't want to speak in
• 6:49
  public anymore. Oh, here we go. Having a seat
• 7:00
  at the table, but who now will have the power
• 7:03
  to change what happens at the table. So congratulations
• 7:07
  on Imperial. Yeah Congratulations for what exactly?
• 7:16
  Yeah, wake me up from this nightmare. Well, admittedly,
• 7:34
  that is a massive accomplishment and congratulations.
• 7:39
  But why is this so painfully awkward? Thank you
• 8:00
  for being here and contributing absolutely nothing
• 8:03
  to this woman's amazing achievement. Buh -bye.
• 8:11
  There were a lot of other interesting things
• 8:13
  that happened at the UN yesterday. One was that
• 8:15
  Marco Rubio was sitting next to Trump, but Trump
• 8:18
  actually didn't know where he was. I want to
• 8:21
  thank Secretary of State Marco Rubio. Where's
• 8:23
  Marco? He's never very far away. Hey boss, I'm
• 8:30
  sitting right here. And it kept happening. Thank
• 8:33
  you very much. Where is our first lady? Where
• 8:37
  is she? She's around here someplace. Can you
• 8:40
  imagine? I can't see the First Lady. Thank you
• 8:43
  very much, First Lady. And I can relate, as somebody
• 8:46
  who's always wondering where Melania is, I don't
• 8:49
  blame Trump because sometimes Melania goes missing
• 8:51
  for up to 30 days. Maybe he just wanted to make
• 8:54
  sure that microphone wasn't still behind her
• 8:57
  back. Thanks for watching Breaking Absurdity.
• 9:00
  And remember, don't stare into the abyss alone,
• 9:02
  let's do it together. Like, subscribe, and leave
• 9:05
  a comment below. Let me know what you thought
• 9:06
  about this episode, I want to hear from you.