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How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you so much for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_01: It means so much to me to even have just a little bit of your time because I know your time is valuable.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And today's topic is about how to let go of unrealistic expectations and to move towards that state of happiness.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we all have expectations.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: We all have ideas of what we would want to accomplish in our lives, and uh we expect things about ourselves, we expect things about people around us, um, whether you know we want it to be sunny and warm on our vacation day, or whether you know, we want to achieve a certain goal.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's this idea that we all each and every day have some type of expectation.
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  SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes, I've said in relationships, unspoken expectations actually lead to disappointment.
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  SPEAKER_01: So expectation in just it's constantly around us.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, but what happens is sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um because, you know, the truth the truth is we can't avoid having high expectations.
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  SPEAKER_01: And as a as a high achiever myself, I know that I hold myself to some pretty high standards, and sometimes I have to catch those unrealistic expectations I have of myself.
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  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, let's start at the very beginning.
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  SPEAKER_01: What are expectations?
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  SPEAKER_01: You know, how do they even serve us?
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  SPEAKER_01: Expectations do involve our desires, our wants, our beliefs focused on the future.
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  SPEAKER_01: They involve some goals we may be setting for ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: And an expectation, whether realistic or unrealistic, is this belief that something will happen in a certain way.
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  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, sometimes though, our even our really reasonable expectations are not always met because sometimes things don't go as we plan them.
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  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is we don't control everything.
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  SPEAKER_01: As a control freak myself, that's really disheartening to hear and to say.
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  SPEAKER_01: But disappointment, resentment, and displeasure are inevitable because sometimes we will have an expectation and it doesn't happen the way that we've planned it in our minds.
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  SPEAKER_01: Unrealistic expectations set us up to fail, though, and they can actually be really harmful to our emotional and mental health because they're already unrealistic and we're setting ourselves up for this fact that it's not gonna happen.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, if you are in a relationship with somebody and you start setting it with unreasonable expectations, like for instance, you know, you know your partner is a certain way and you have this unrealistic expectation that they're just gonna magically change, that person's gonna fall short of that expectation.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: And as a result, you're gonna feel disappointed and you might really start to struggle to find a connection with that partner.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so that leads to maybe to the demise of the relationship.
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  SPEAKER_01: So unrealistic expectations give us this illusion that we have like certain control over our future, over how we want things to happen, and we don't.
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  SPEAKER_01: We just don't.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so what it does is it it um it creates this environment for us to really just be disappointed and feel bad.
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  SPEAKER_01: Unrealistic expectations can also start believing to false beliefs.
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  SPEAKER_01: I talk about false beliefs all the time, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: So if we have an unrealistic expectation of ourselves and then it doesn't work out, now that false belief gets fed that either I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy or I'm not lovable or I'm, you know, I don't belong or what have you, and it all stems from having that unrealistic expectation.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So for example, if you think, you know, my partner should definitely know when I'm stressed out, and they don't, they don't always they can't read your mind, that might lead you to feeling um alone.
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  SPEAKER_01: The false belief of I'm alone, nobody actually gets me could actually start uh taking hold.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so some examples of some unrealistic expectations.
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  SPEAKER_01: Uh, my kids should listen to me 100% of the time.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely have had that one before.
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  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is they're their own people.
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  SPEAKER_01: They're not gonna listen to you 100% of the time.
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  SPEAKER_01: I must always be happy.
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  SPEAKER_01: My my partner shouldn't and I should never argue.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, because if we argue, it means that, you know, uh our our relationship isn't strong.
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  SPEAKER_01: At work, I must constantly strive to be the best.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, if I'm not the best, then of course the unreal at that unrealistic expectation lets up to this false belief of if that's if that doesn't happen, then of course I'm I must be a failure or I'm not good at my job.
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  SPEAKER_01: Uh other examples of some false beliefs, um, or I'm sorry, unrealistic expectations could be my partner uh needs to always be romantic with me, or uh I should never fail, or life should always be filled.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I should always, not only should I always be happy, but my life should always be filled with joy, um, which is kind of an unrealistic expectation because if we think that our life only has joy, we're completely negating the fact that life's gonna have challenges and twists and turns.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we let go of this?
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  SPEAKER_01: Well, part of the unrealistic expectations is that it traps you into fantasizing what life, quote unquote, should be, instead of recognizing that you get to choose and you get to set it up.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some ways that we can release some of these unrealistic expectations?
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  SPEAKER_01: It's first of all, to become aware of them.
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  SPEAKER_01: Consider where in your life you might be setting yourself up with some unrealistic expectations.
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  SPEAKER_01: Take time to self-reflect.
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  SPEAKER_01: Look at your goals.
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  SPEAKER_01: Are they attainable and reasonable?
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  SPEAKER_01: And and I don't mean reasonable as in like you shouldn't shoot for the stars.
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  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
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  SPEAKER_01: And also recognize, you know, is it for me personally, it's not really a realistic expectation that I'm going to go to outer space.
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  SPEAKER_01: I just, so if today I set that as a expectation of myself, that would be unrealistic.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's not reasonable for me in my current world right now.
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  SPEAKER_01: Uh, manage your expectations of others.
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  SPEAKER_01: Unrealistic expectations of others can set us up for uh feeling like our relationships are failing.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Gratitude is a huge way that we can start combating unrealistic expectations because when we're practicing thankfulness regularly and we're becoming appreciative of what we have and what's working well, rather than only striving for protect for perfection or only looking at what's going incorrectly, what we're doing is we are creating this uh mental awareness of what is working well so that we can continue setting our expectations and goals from that place versus from a place of a negativity bias.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then other ones that we can look at too is is, you know, it's okay to have a, first of all, it's okay to fail, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: And not beat ourselves up for that.
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  SPEAKER_01: And to go ahead and set up a backup plan.
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  SPEAKER_01: What, you know, I'm gonna set these goals for myself and also uh can I define success in different ways?
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  SPEAKER_01: Does it have to be just this one way?
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  SPEAKER_01: Or can this goal that I'm setting up, can success look differently uh than this one path and allow ourselves that flexibility.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's also to give ourselves permission to look at success differently.
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  SPEAKER_01: You know, how am I defining success?
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  SPEAKER_01: Paying attention to that.
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  SPEAKER_01: So it's natural to have expectations, it's natural to have these desires for ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's just about paying attention to when we are setting ourselves up in a way where we are not acknowledging that something might be further than what we can produce for ourselves.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's also about taking time to break down goals, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: So, like if we have a goal for ourselves and we're expecting something of ourselves, what if we give ourselves permission to break that down into smaller pieces?
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  SPEAKER_01: And then from that place, we're also taking what could be considered unrealistic and then breaking it down into smaller, bite-sized pieces that are more realistic.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then we celebrate those and we practice gratitude, and then that builds upon itself to continue to work towards the goals that we're setting for ourselves and also builds this emotion of happiness and leans into that emotion rather than feeling displeasure.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to talk about this or anything else that might be holding you back, especially those false beliefs, those limiting beliefs, that sometimes we just need a counterpart to walk with us to work through.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely feel free to book a time with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit our website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.