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How To Train Your Brain To Eliminate Fear and Anxiety · Bye Bye Panic

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: If your measure of success is how you feel, then you've still made anxiety the most important thing in your life.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Feelings cannot be goals.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a feeling.
• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a symptom.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from an emotion.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a thought.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what you also need to recognize is that chasing a feeling is the same thing.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're still running.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Whether you're running away or you're running towards.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: People think if I just respond to my symptoms, that's going to be enough.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Recovery is still more nuanced than that.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: healing from this is deeper.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's layers to this.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: If acceptance isn't enough, what else?
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are the other principles?
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I first started seven years ago,
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nobody was talking about anxiety recovery.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Seven years ago, I'm like, you know what?
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not gonna talk about a single coping mechanism.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be focusing on people that are focused on overcoming these symptoms.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Going back to living.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: They don't identify with this idea of being an anxious person.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: They are identified with, hey, I wanna go back to living.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanna enjoy myself.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanna live life, not deal with these symptoms.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: These symptoms are holding me back.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I started making videos about that.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so some of the concepts I talked about are things like understanding nervous system sensitization, where your nervous system has a certain threshold.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And whenever you reach that threshold, your nervous system becomes more sensitive to stress and threats.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is why normal things that you could do like go into the grocery store, doing normal things like going to work, all the sudden now it hits you so hard.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're feeling symptoms even when you're not anxious.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that leads to its own health anxiety that people end up developing.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, desensitization was one of the principles I talked about.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: The other principles I talked about is allowing an acceptance, right?
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have a framework in the BiBibypanic Program, which is the alarm method.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: A is acknowledge.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: L is label.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: A is except, R is refocus, M is move on.
• 1:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've talked a lot about accepting a lot of allowing the sensations to be there, not adding the second fear, getting you out of your head and into your body and recognizing that you're safe, and that the symptoms that you're experiencing is just adrenaline burning itself off, allowing and accepting is a part of it.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if all I talk about is allowance and acceptance, people think, well, if I just allow an acceptance all going to go away, right?
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: yes and no.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I talked about this idea called radical responsibility.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So most people think if I just allow an accept, these symptoms will go away, right?
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I just stop fighting it, these symptoms will subside and that's partially true.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not untrue.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: But here's the thing.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll notice that once you're allowing and accepting something interesting happens, sometimes my go-all, sometimes my come down, doesn't matter, but you're at least not adding fuel to the fire.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: It'll eventually subside on its own.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But then people get stuck with this all the time, which is, hey, Sean, I'm allowing, but I feel like I have this habit of always checking in.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I always feel like I'm checking in on how I'm feeling, how I'm doing.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like,
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Am I doing it right?
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Am I not?
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just, I'm so used to like checking, I don't know, like my breathlessness, my intrusive thoughts, the heart palpitations, you know, the tingling sensations, the tonight is, how do I like, how do I stop that?
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so that's a very important nuance to understand because people just think, oh, I'll just allow an accept, okay, cool, that's it.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Radical responsibility is recognizing that healing comes from within.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: and that you have to take ownership over that healing.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: The reason why we can't talk about responsibility a lot of times, because a lot of people look at responsibility with blame.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if I'm saying, hey, you need to take responsibility over your healing.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people say, oh, well, you're saying this is my fault.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: They go with good and bad.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, man.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I shouldn't have done that.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then they have this whole guilt spiral.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: The idea of responsibility is fundamentally the idea that if you want recovery,
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: recovers in your hands.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't come from a pill.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't come from me.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't come from a therapist or a coach.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: All those things can help you on the healing journey.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But fundamentally, the locus of control is within you.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's regaining that responsibility.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Regaining the responsibility that you always have a choice to respond.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can always respond.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't matter
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: No matter what life throws at you, forget anxiety, whatever life throws at you, you always have the autonomy to respond.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is what we call radical responsibility.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not looking at it from a place of blame.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's looking at it from a place of empowerment.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: That, hey, if you want to change your reality, if you want to change your future, if you want to influence your future, if you want to have that hope, you have to acknowledge
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: that comes from within you, that you have more control than you think.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to say something that's going to sound kind of confronting.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this isn't just with anxiety.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is with a lot of things.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Most people like feeling like a victim.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: They like the fact that this is happening to them and they have no agency.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying forget that.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Put that aside.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm really looking at is, hey, whatever happened to you happened to you.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Good, bad fault doesn't matter.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now what?
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's your responsibility?
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now what are you able to respond to?
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when you realize you have the ability to respond, now the agency comes back to you.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now you're thinking, shoot, you know, I actually have some controllers.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then if you really start getting deeper, you start realizing, hey, part of the situation I'm in is actually partly of the decisions I made.
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: knowingly, unknowingly, whatever it was, right?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So taking radical responsibility over your healing.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a big part of it.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the next step.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Once you allow, once you understand the mechanics of anxiety, once you understand decentralization, then it's about choosing radical responsibility.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now there's two parts of responsibility.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's responding to your anxiety symptoms and recognizing you always have a choice and how you respond.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now the second part is your responsibility to life.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Recognizing that hey, I am a father.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am a son.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am a brother.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am a CEO.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am an employee.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm this.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm that in my community and making those things.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: more important than how you feel.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so this is where people get caught up because they could be allowing, they could even be responding to their symptoms.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: But in terms of society, they don't have a place anymore because maybe these anxiety symptoms have pushed them away from society, right?
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: They might not be leaving their house.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: They might have had responsibilities that they just threw out the window and say, I can't do this because they were struggling with something.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now it's about, okay, what is my responsibility
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: am I going to show up and be present with my kids or my wife, you know, is that my responsibility?
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what that does is that that prevents you from going into this spiral of constantly hyperfocus on your symptoms.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I say is responsibility,
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: shifts you from internal obsession to external action, it helps you going from always checking in on how you're feeling and making that the most important part of your day.
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you don't feel good, nothing else matters to focusing on external things and saying, okay, well, I might be having a rough day today.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what I've committed to and what I've decided to do is more important than how I feel right now.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You will be surprised how fast healing happens when you make yourself useful to society.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have the ability to respond to my symptoms.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I also have the ability to respond to life.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I ask myself, what's the most important thing I want to focus on?
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: This helps you give agency, right?
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Realizing that you have responsibility and your ability to respond influences the future, this is where people in the recovery program get something very interesting that they probably have never had before, which is hope.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: People think, with anxiety, it's the feeling of dread.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the feeling of the symptoms.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's true, right?
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're feeling those things, it's awful.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what people don't realize is there's also an element of feeling hopeless, that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try this doesn't go away.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there's this feeling of naturally feeling, like the victim, why would you not feel like the victim here?
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: You no matter what you do, you can't influence anything.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: All you can feel is helpless, right?
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: All you can feel is you're at the effect of all this.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't matter what you do.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is happening to you.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have no effect in that.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have no influence.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Part of what I'm teaching you helps you regain that agency.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It gives you something much more.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: It gives you hope because what you start realizing that what you do can influence the future and can influence the future in a positive way now you have hope.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: But when you don't take responsibility,
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what people say?
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, they recover because they're unique because they're different because they haven't struggled as long or they're not as old as I am or whatever.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like they come up with every excuse to avoid taking responsibility.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: My conviction towards this idea that you are not unique only go strong, kind, stronger.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you would think if you helped so many people, you'd be like, oh, there's some people that probably can't recover and there's some people that can recover faster.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: None of that.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think everybody can't.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: The thing that holds people back, those people that feel like they can't recover are the people that just think they can't.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they just don't take responsibility.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not like what's objective, what's true, what's not, no, that's not the point.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: The point is is that if you believe that you can't, you will find every reason for why you can't.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you feel like you can, you'll keep moving forward.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is another concept I want to talk about, which is letting go of the concept of recovery.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like if I was to ask you, what does recovery even mean?
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are you going to say?
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Recovery means I'm not feeling symptoms.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel good.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But let's be honest, even when I was in the cycle, there were some days I felt good.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't feel great.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't talk about recovery like
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: that anxiety has taken away from you, that you want back.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or what is one thing that you want to do that you feel like anxiety's holding you back?
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: The problem with recovery is that if you're chasing something that's not really defined, you're not going to succeed.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're measure of success is how you feel, then you've still made anxiety the most important thing in your life.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're saying my goal is to feel good,
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got news for you, even when you get out of the cycle, you're gonna have bad days.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Feelings cannot be goals.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're wondering why you're feeling exhausted all the time, because you're chasing something where the goal post keeps moving.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a feeling.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a symptom.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from an emotion.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not running away from a thought.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Most people get that, but what you also need to recognize is that chasing a feeling is the same thing.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: The goal,
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: of healing, the goal of this abstract term of recovery is just sitting and just being not chasing a feeling, not running away from a feeling, just being.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you make recovery the primary focus, like if you make your feelings the primary focus of healing, you're still chasing a feeling, you're still chasing what's the difference, you're still running.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way I would look at it is more about like, hey, what is anxiety taken away from you?
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you willing to invest and getting that back?
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't you owe that to yourself?
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now it's about like, okay, do I want people to guide me through that process and get me to those goals and doing an effective, healthy, sustainable way?
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to just achieve that goal in the fallback and in the cycle.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just ask yourself what anxiety's taken away from you.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And do you want it back?
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or are there things that you want to do?
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you feel like you can.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: How badly do you want it?
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: start working towards that.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk about the principles of understanding if you're heading the right direction or the wrong direction.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Am I heading towards my goals or am I heading away from my goals?
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Make it neutral.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Success and failure is two different things.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your failure is succeed.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I promise you if you talk to anybody that succeeds, they will tell you that it's not failure for success.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's you need failures to get to success.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Success is built on a ladder of failures.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So they're not really failures at that point.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're just learning lessons.
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to give you a framework that I think can help you on knowing am I heading in that direction of my goals healing overcoming this or the opposite.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the difference what I call something called doing good versus feeling good.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, if I was to ask, what's the difference between doing good and feeling good and what does this apply?
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, most people in the healing journey, they're like, they measure if things are going well if they're feeling good.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do I know you're getting better, by the way?
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel better.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: The symptoms are less.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel more relaxed.
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel more calm.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not a bad thing by the way.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: But is that the measurement of progress?
• 13:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Isn't it possible that you could be sitting at home avoiding everything, avoiding any sort of anxiety trigger?
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you don't feel anxiety, so you feel good.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: But are you doing good?
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you on the path to healing?
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's say doing good is, I'm responding, I'm allowing.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm going from leaving my house to doing things that might scare me a bit more.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Things that kind of concern me, hey, listen, I'm gonna give this public talk.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm nervous, man.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now am I feeling good?
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: No.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel terrible, but am I doing good?
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we're like, no, you're doing great.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is what we call the leading indicator.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's a way to look at this, right?
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a leading indicator, and then there's a lagging indicator.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lagging indicator is basically if you do certain things, the results show up later.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: If my behaviors are the leading indicator, while the lagging indicator is, I'll feel fine eventually.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what happens is people kind of flip it.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: They put the card in front of the horse.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: They make their lagging indicators, leading indicators.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that's all in effect of all the work you've done up to now.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: The measurement is if you can just focus on the leading indicators, the lagging indicator fixes itself, right?
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what are the leading indicators?
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I say the way to frame all this is how are you responding?
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for example,
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, Sean.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had a really rough set back.
• 15:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had a set back like this.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Probably a few months ago, man, is bad.
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: My symptoms came back.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really struggled with like vision issues and like headaches, like really bad headaches, but you know what's different, Sean.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't let it throw me off as much.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm behaving differently and I'm behaving much better and I'm not letting it throw me off like the rocker.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going right back on and continuing moving forward and this is where I'm like, okay, this person's heading the right direction there feelings of like these setbacks will fade over time.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have no concern about that this is not specific to anxiety recovery, but I think it helps with the anxiety recovery during there's this concept called the gap and the gain.
• 16:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: The gap looks like when you achieve a goal, you move the goal post.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for example, Sean, I really want to go hang out with my kids.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's my goal.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to be more present with my kids.
• 16:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not there for my kids.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just not.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have these symptoms and they throw me off and I just don't do it, man.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: So then let's say you achieve that goal.
• 16:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: you are more present with your kids.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, you notice something, you're present with them, but you're still feeling symptoms.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what we call the gap.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's dangerous.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I see a lot of people get thrown off in the anxiety cycle.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: The gap is every time you get a little bit better, you're comparing yourself to what you don't have.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: This mindset I have seen burn people out, I've seen people going to depression because of it.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, the worst part about all of this, the person's doing better and they're feeling worse.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: They were objectively getting better, but they were always measuring to like this if femoral idea of like, oh, I need to feel perfect all the time.
• 17:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: is the opposite that you should never have goals.
• 17:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You should never compare yourself that you should never be striving.
• 17:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So is the goal just to give up on it?
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: No.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: The second thing is what we call the gain.
• 17:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Instead of thinking about, okay, all the things you missed out, oh, I wish I wouldn't have struggled for so long.
• 17:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I wish like this, that you start talking about the gain where it's like, hey, I was able to achieve this, and that's the win.
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Instead of looking at it, it's like, oh man, I could have done this even better.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could have done this even faster.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You talk about, hey, I was able to achieve this.
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the win.
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was able to go from leaving my house to driving around the block.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm doing that regularly.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the win.
• 17:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm going to choose to focus on.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm choosing to focus on that.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're focusing on the gain.
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's fascinating about the game is that as you're doing it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It becomes, it reinforces itself.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: You start thinking to yourself, there was a time I couldn't leave my house and now I can drive.
• 18:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I go on that trip?
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I go to can't cruise?
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just did that.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I can do this too.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're encouraging yourself.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're building what we call core confidence.
• 18:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because look, you managed to achieve that.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't you achieve this?
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't you achieve?
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And every time you get that achievement, you get like that sense of pride, okay, I'm just, there was times that, do not think I could do it now, I'm doing it.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is how people stay committed to the healing journey.
• 18:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is how people continue to grow, continue to expand.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is where people have longevity.
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: and they don't give up and they just keep going and life just gets better and better and things that they wanted and those dreams and those goals that they have, they just keep achieving and we wonder what the heck are they doing?
• 18:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: All they're doing is they're focusing on the game.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if this is making sense to you and you're like, yes, like, these are the things that had no idea, but I totally see all these things happening, but I don't know how to approach this.
• 18:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here's what I want you to do.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself what anxiety's taken away and what do you want back?
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: be clear on those tandables, and then if you want me and my team to walk you through these healing principles and guide you through the process, I'm just talking to you about this from like a high level approach.
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: The link is in the description box.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys can schedule a quick call.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always say, if you're watching my content, you should at least speak to one member of my team.
• 19:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want you guys to think.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: What is anxiety holding me back from?
• 19:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: What do I want to achieve?
• 19:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are your goals?
• 19:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, what are your three month goals, six month goals?
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to make recovery tangible.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take radical responsibility, be aware of the gap in the game, and ask yourself if my doing good or my chasing feeling good.
• 19:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love you guys as always.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: See you guys next time.