Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 233. Flashback Friday - The Darkside of Drinking

Transcript

233. Flashback Friday - The Darkside of Drinking · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apote Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: So tell me about your story with alcohol. I know
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: you went through a little party's safe, but Tatiana was
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: a bit wild. Did you love her? Did you have
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: a good time? And then what made you stop?
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I did love it. I always found it so fun.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I felt like when I would drink it was like
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: a different version of me got to be expressed. And
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: this is why I talk about not suppressing parts of
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: yourself the whole other conversation. But a different part of
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: me came out. It was like a care free version
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: of Tiana. Tiana who didn't care about what other people thought.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Someone who just was free in a.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Critic gets silence through alcohol.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Obsences absolutely and through that party phase. It was also
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: like a I didn't care about what other people's thought,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: And also I was trying to suppress a few things,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: like if you had guys have listened to the other
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: podcast episode about my sex tape, Like I was suppressing
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: a lot of things and feelings and emotions from that
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: phase that, you know, alcohol became like a clutch for
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: me where it was like, oh, but then I didn't
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: care about what people thought even more of me. Then
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I could do whatever I wanted and I could be free,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: and you know, but it.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Got to do a good feeling in the moment, Yeah,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: it was.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: It was like, oh, it was like unleash, like this
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: just carefree version of myself. You just didn't give a shit,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you know. But then it became like unhealthy and I
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: remember just like pushing myself to the limit, you know,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: partying every weekend and like dabbling in you know, party
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: drugs and you know, drinking all the time, and just
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: wasn't like a healthy version of myself or someone that
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I was proud of. Even I just wouldn't make the
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: best decisions and I wake up and I feel shameful
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: about it the next day, or you know, just judge
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: myself for it and be like, this isn't the person
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: you say that you want to be. You know, but
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: we're doing that, so it's like what are we doing
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: here kind of thing. And I remember even like accidentally
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: like putting myself in hospital. I accidentally overdid it one night,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: and I dabbled in a few different party drugs and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. And after a weekend, I realized that
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I couldn't move my neck. And I couldn't move my
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: neck for like five days. So I laid in bed,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: told my work that I was sick. I was still
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: working in construction at the time, so I was working
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: for my dad and I was sick, couldn't get out
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: of bed, couldn't move, couldn't sleep, and I cried all night.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I went to the doctors on the Friday night, called
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: my mom and I was like, Mom, like, this is
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: what's happening, bulled my eyes out. She's like what the fuck? Tiana,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Like you're okay, Like anyway, went to the hospital and
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: they told me that like my neck was like temporarily
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: like paralyzed because whatever I had taken or mixed or whatever,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: just like silly drugs did something to.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Like my spine.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Who yeah, and so I had to get like this
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: needle that was like this long in my spine and anyway,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: they ended up giving me fluids and stuff and I
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: was like thankfully, like fine, but it was like cool
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: that moment. I was just like, you're never doing this again,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: ever again, And I stopped drinking up that.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's so cool, Like what a pivotal moment. It's universe.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I scared the daylight out of me, babe.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: I was terrified because, yeah, I was like, something bad
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: could really happen, and I don't know what's in these
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: things and I'm taking and having fun on and also
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: using in a not very productive way, like I'm using
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: to escape my life, you know, to escape myself things
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: that I don't want to feel anymore. And I was
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: just like, you're not this version of yourself, TI, Like
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: this is not who you.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Are, so let's do something about it.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: And I made a promise to myself and I.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Never looked back.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Wow, literally stopped from that. But like obviously I still
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: drank on birthdays and occasions and things like that, but
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: never to the point where I would get drunk again. Yeah,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: big difference, big difference.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's why we're not on here, like saying
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: never drinking. I've got friends that I have very healthy
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: relationships with our but there's sometimes when people go so
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: but there's normally like a big pivotal moment or a
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: lot of trauma or something that just makes them go, ah, yeah,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: it's not safe, it's not good, it doesn't serve me. Yeah,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: that's definitely like part of the reason why I stopped.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: But then also as I grew, I realized, oh, wow,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: like I can make so much more progress when I'm
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: not drinking every weekend. You know, my fitness goals, my
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: life goals, my business goals, Like I'm on track and
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not undoing all the work I'm doing on the
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: weekday over two days of the weekend and then having
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: to start fresh on Monday, like having undone all the
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: work that I just did and achieved. I was like, wow,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I can actually make progress with this. And then I
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: started to become really proud of myself and I was
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: like it's cool. It kind of became like this little
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: thing where I was like, yeah, I don't drink, and
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't drink.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Like it just became fun for me.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: It was like a game with myself, being like you
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: don't have to do this anymore, Like you can learn
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: to have fun without alcohol. It's cool and it was
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: such a cool transition. It was hard, but it was cool.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. Yeah, mine was more different, Like I think
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: mine's more childhood trauma growing up where was I felt
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: like my parents and just everyone around me drank a lot,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: even going into my teen years. Like I remember at school,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: he's even like just my friends just partying so hard
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: and me just seeing how they were acting and the
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: things that they did and then regretted and hated themselves for.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Like I remember one night I went to bed, it
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: didn't go out partying at schoolies and I woke up
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: to one of my girlfriends you pulled over my bedside
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: table at a hotel, pulled a pants and it just
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: started like wing in the drawer and my brain new
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: phone was on the floor charging. Oh no, I'd like
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: worked so hard to save up for because back then
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I wasn't on a plan or anything, and she ruined
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: my phone. I was just so upset, and just so
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: many situations that they got into and I had moments
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: where I got really drunk as a teenager, but like
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: it was just an awful experience. It was never a
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: time where I was like, wow, that was so much fun,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: and it was like, what the fuck happened last night?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: And I was so sick the next day, like I
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: cannot handle my eyes. I will get so hung over
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the next day. And there was just never anything good
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: that came from drinking. And then when I met Steve,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: we parted a little bit together and we went to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: festivals and our whole crew was like you know, we
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: went through our party phase and it was just it
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: was a lot of fun. I really tried to fit
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: in and do the things, but it just never felt right.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And then yeah, as I got older, I just stopped
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: really drinking. And I definitely doubled in party drugs too
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: when I was younger, and that wasn't for very long.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: That never felt really good for me. I think I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: just did it to fit in and try it, and like, yeah,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I had some fun times, but it never felt good
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: for me, and it made me so riddle with anxiety.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Like if I had a big night I went to
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a festival, like the whole next week, I was just
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: riddled with anxiety. My skin would break out. I would
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: just feel so disregulated and just awful. See, as I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: got older, I kind of just like slowed right down.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: And then it was like I would have wanted a
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: birthday just to fit in. I felt like, oh, maybe
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: it'd be nice this time. Maybe I'll enjoy the flavor
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I found Amerdo style. It's probably the only drinker would
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: have like the taste of that, but it's so sweet. Yeah,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And then I suppose I just watch my beautiful girl
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: from Megsie go on a journey of giving up alcohol,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: and it was really cool to go through that with
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: her and share my perspectives. And I think at the
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: end of the day it was like deciding to not
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: drink was quite an easy decision because it's like, what
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: do I value in my life? I value health, always
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: value being healthy. Alcohol doesn't fit that. I value connection.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Being drunk is not true connection. It's like, ooh, you
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: think you're connected, but it's not with yourself and with
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: other people. I value glowing skin. My skin would always
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: break out if I had alcohol to get like two
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: or three raging big pimples. It's aw four. I value
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: my energy. I value my sleep, and I value a
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: really regulated nervous system. I value my career and being
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: able to show up for women and when I'm drinking
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and partying, Like I can't do any of that. Yeah,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: so why would I let that one thing that I
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: don't value negatively impact everything I do value. It's an
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: easy answer. Yeah. So yeah, it's been really cool. Yeah,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I had a proper drink.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And Steve has given up alcohol, which is really cool,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: just in like the last year, and yeah, it's been
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: really awesome. Megs, he doesn't drink anymore. A lot of
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: people around me are really stopping drinking. I think a
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: lot of people have a story that they have to
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: drink to have fun, or have to drink to connect,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: but you actually don't. When you're around your people and
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: people that you truly connect with, you have just as
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: much fun.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: It's so much.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I went to Tasha's wedding last year. I was a
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: person that was on the dance for like the most
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: and Steve was sitting back here. You're like, it's wild
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: people would think you were the drunkest person he are
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: because you were the craziest were doing like the nutbush
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: and all the dancers, and I'm just like, whoa, Like,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: don't care what anyone thinks. I'm the life of the party.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: And I haven't had one sip of alcohol. Yeah, and
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: that's so cool. Yeah, I am that vibration and energy naturally,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I need something to like give me that.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: You know, isn't that so beautiful when you can lean
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: on that with yourself, like because it is so. I
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people have that story that
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: you need alcohol to have fun or maybe even need
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: alcohol to take the edge off of that anxiety.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Liquid courage, Yeah, liquid courage, you.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Know, or like then just to make you feel a
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: little bit more comfortable in that environment. Yes, but it's
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: like you do overcome that when you are able to
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: get clear on what it is that you value and
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: asking yourself like does this actually align with what I
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: do want for myself and who I believe that I
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: am Such a huge conversation to have because of you know.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: There has been moments where I felt pressure. I'm not
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: sure if you have too, where you're in environments where
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: everyone's like have it, drink will. But for me, the
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: easy way out of it was I would just get
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: like a soda would and put line and it. So
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I've got my drink and I think it's vodcast. It's
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: the easiest thing out anybody needs to do with shots,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: throw it over my shoulder.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I did, because if they're all shotting their bag, they're
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: not looking at you. So I'd literally throw the liquid
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: over my shoulder and they think about a shot. Smart
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: and the pressure's are gone. But now it's not even
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: hiding it. It's like I don't drink, yeah, And if
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: they are like I don't drink yeah, Like why is
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: alcohol the one drug we pressure people to have and
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: celebrate and put people down if they don't have it?
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: That is wild to me. It's still a substance. It's
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: still a type of a drug. Why is that thing?
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: It's just so normalized, and especially in the Australian culture. Yeah,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I think it's really hard for men. They really connect
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: through drinking. It's so common to like get together and
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: have beers or whatever. I feel like it's a lot
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: harder for men.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the soda water and I used to do that too, Yeah,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: but it was more so when I was on my
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: going sober journey. But I still wanted to interact with
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: the fun, yes, because I still wanted to still be
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: out and still be.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: So the experience of having a drink is nice.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I still do those things, but I wasn't yet ready
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: to be faced with the pushback of oh, why aren't
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: you drinking? Yes, why aren't you doing it with us?
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: And the peer pressure of like, just do it. You're
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: gonna end up going anyway, You're gonna be fine, Like
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: you'll be drinking in an hour anyway. And I was like, oh,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: maybe in an hour I might have a drink. So
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: I up until the point where I felt so strong
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: in that bound where I was like, no, I'm good,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: there's no one who can influence me in this decision.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Then I was like, yep, nope, now I'm not drinking.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you know it's funny.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Like one of my girlfriends, Darcy love her, and we
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: were having a conversation. We had like a dinner, and
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: she was like, oh, like, are you like not having
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: a drink because she likes to have a drink every
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: now and again. And I was like, oh no, no, no,
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: like I'm not gonna have a drink. She's like, oh,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I won't have one with you. I don't want to
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: influence you. And I was thinking, I literally said to her, baby,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: you couldn't even influence.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Me if you tried, you know, because you do, so
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you do get.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: To such a point within yourself that you're like, my
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: value of who I want to be and what I
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: choose to myself is more important than just having a
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: one off drink for what reason?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: What reason? Yeah?
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And coming from somebody who had a serious party phase,
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: like that's a huge thing, you know, to be able
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: to see the contrast of like, you know, that lifestyle
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: in comparison to the lifestyle that I have now and
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: valuing and loving wholeheartedly my lifestyle now so much more
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: that I don't even think about having a drink. Like
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: you've asked me this before. You've been like, would you
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: have a drink if we did a girl's trip and
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: we went.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: To Bali or whatever? And I was like, you know what,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: probably not. Yeah, And there wasn't from a place of
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: trying to pressure. It was just curiosity of like, oh
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I wonder on holidays do you have a drink?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Like what would your perspective be? Yeah, different different environment?
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it was curiosity And I loved that because
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you know what, like it probably
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: wouldn't mean Yeah, I just don't feel pulled to it.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, same, so cool. I love it so a
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: little while ago. I was really taken back, but like
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: in such awe of you for this, because I would
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: have been scared to be this bold as you saying
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: to me like, I won't date someone if they drink
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: alcohol because you were recently single. I was like, what
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: kind of man would you go for?
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: And I think I said to you, what are you
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: going to do if they are a drinker? And you're like, oh,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't date people that drink. And
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean? So if he
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: takes all the boxes but he enjoys the drink, you
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: won't date him? And you're like, no, because it's not
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: what I want. And just how like confident you were
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: on that. I was like wow, And I think it
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: was a bit triggering for me because that's what I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: would really want. And I'm so glad he doesn't drink anymore,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: because any arguments we have had over the years has
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: probably been around alcohol, and because of my childhood trauma
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: and everything, it just never fit in with our relationship
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: and it's been so beautiful. He's not drinking now, so
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I think I was like, WHOA, that's cool that you
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: get to decide that, Yeah, so how did you come
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: to that decision? And have you met an amazing guy
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: and he drinks and you're.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, yeah, it's interesting. So because of my past
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol, I know what it's like when you're
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: on it. I know what your thoughts are, like, I
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: know where your head's at. I understand what it feels
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: like to be in that like murky energy of drinking
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: alcohol you don't think clearly. I know what it feels
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: like to be in that position. So when I meet
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: somebody now that is in a position where they're still
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: doing those things, it allows me to see where they're
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: at mentally, and it's not judgment or anything like that.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: For me, I need my partner to be somebody who
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: can influence me and in a really positive way and
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: help me get closer to the person I want to be,
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: not further away. And so the way that I kind
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: of interpret that in my head is like, Okay, somebody
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: who would be drinking, going out all the time, enjoying,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: like really loves looking forward to those things. In my head,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm going backwards. I feel like that's
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: taking me closer to eighteen year old Tianna who loved
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: to drink as opposed to you know, future thirty year
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: old Tiana, who wants to create amazing things for her life,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: you know. And so for me it feels a little
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: bit like an ick, you know where it's like. And again,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: no judgment on anybody who chooses to drink, but for me,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: specifically with an intimate partner, I just want that man
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: to be so straight and has self control and is
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: disciplined and isn't influenced or tempted by those things. And
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: for me, that's a fucking man
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: And shares the same value of health, which our cult
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't really fit in real value of health.