Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Heartbreak and Healing: Brain Surgery, Grief & Celebration… The Duality of Life 🤧❤️‍🩹🥹🎊

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Heartbreak and Healing: Brain Surgery, Grief & Celebration… The Duality of Life 🤧❤️‍🩹🥹🎊 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the Sheep Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley
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Speaker 1: and I'm Siana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics
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Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to shep Rises. But having you
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Speaker 1: be back in your ears. We have a big catch
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Speaker 1: up episode because it's honestly been a huge month. Has
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Speaker 1: been lots of highs, lots of lows. It's been a
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Speaker 1: lot to hold. But before we get into it, Godash
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Speaker 1: shares of the Week do you want to go first?
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Speaker 2: Absolutely? My share of the week is more so just
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Speaker 2: trust your intuition.
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Speaker 1: All need reminding of that sometimes just.
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Speaker 2: Trust your intuition.
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Speaker 1: There.
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Speaker 2: Oftentimes I feel like our intuition is always trying to
1:01
Speaker 2: tell us what we already know. But it's about like
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Speaker 2: an our heart and our head on board on the
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Speaker 2: same thing, dancing together, and like it's like our heart
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Speaker 2: knows and how intuition will always tell us, especially about
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Speaker 2: a certain situation about someone's behavior, about what's happening in
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Speaker 2: a certain dynamic, and it's just really important that you
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Speaker 2: have that inkling for a reason, and you're allowed to
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Speaker 2: trust yourself. And I think for the most part, at least,
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Speaker 2: I only speak for myself. I've many times I've not
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Speaker 2: listened to my intuition and then laid it down the track.
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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, I was right.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was right.
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Speaker 2: I should have listened when I felt that, but it
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Speaker 2: was like I questioned myself. So this is just a
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Speaker 2: reminder that you're allowed to trust yourself, and you're allowed
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Speaker 2: to trust the things that your mind brings you, and
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Speaker 2: that you often know more than you give yourself credit.
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Speaker 1: It's never off, is it. Sometimes when I'm unsure and
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Speaker 1: I'll talk to Steve, He's like, what your intuition say? Yeah,
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Speaker 1: it's always right, babe, And if he's unsure about someone
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Speaker 1: or something, he'll come to me. It's like, your intuition's
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Speaker 1: just so on point. Yeah, Ye're such a good reminder.
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Speaker 1: I love that. I have a bunch of quotes I
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Speaker 1: want to read out. It's on this Instagram page. It's
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Speaker 1: called emotionally dot perfect, and I feel like anyone that's
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Speaker 1: just going through a hard time or going through maybe
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Speaker 1: your relationship breakup or something. I think these ones will
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Speaker 1: really land for you. I hope you heal from things
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Speaker 1: that no one ever apologized for. You can't change someone
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Speaker 1: who doesn't see an issue in their actions. Believe that's
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Speaker 1: the truth.
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Speaker 2: That's a good one.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't get what you want because you deserve better.
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Speaker 1: Be proud of how you've been handling these last few months.
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Speaker 1: People treat you exactly how they feel about you. Oh
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Speaker 1: that's a good one. Yeah. Stop expecting everyone to have
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Speaker 1: the same heart as you do. You are too good
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Speaker 1: for someone who isn't sure about you. Distance really gives
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Speaker 1: you some clarity on how you actually feel about people.
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Speaker 1: You look happier since you've started giving yourself the same
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Speaker 1: love that you've always given to other people. Realizing people
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Speaker 1: meant for you and not resenting them for it. That's growth.
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Speaker 1: You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else.
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Speaker 1: Or you are not the same person you were a
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Speaker 1: year ago, and I think that's beautiful. Stop trying to
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Speaker 1: make the wrong people love you in the right way.
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Speaker 1: It's okay to still cry over things you thought you
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Speaker 1: had moved past from. That's nice permission. The happiest you've
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Speaker 1: ever been won't be the happiest you'll ever be. I
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Speaker 1: hope you find it. Whatever it is that you're looking for,
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Speaker 1: or like this one ready or you can lose by
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Speaker 1: being real is something that's fake?
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Speaker 2: Oh damn damn straight.
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Speaker 1: You are worthy of love even on the days when
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Speaker 1: you don't feel lovable. Some people only come into your
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Speaker 1: life to show you what love is.
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Speaker 2: Not that true, that's so true.
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Speaker 1: So yeah, just a bunch of beautiful quotes. I love
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Speaker 1: that page. I feel like every time it pops up
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Speaker 1: my feed, I'm like, that's exactly what I needed to hear. Well,
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Speaker 1: that's exactly what I needed reminding of. I haven't read
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Speaker 1: it or heard it like that before, and it just
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Speaker 1: lands for me always at the right time.
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Speaker 2: What's that Instagram account I must follow?
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Speaker 1: It's emotionally, got perfect.
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Speaker 2: Emotionally You'll love it, okay, typing.
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Speaker 1: Yes, typing, click follow yes, done, followed.
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Speaker 2: No. Every time you read them, I'm like, oh, every
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Speaker 2: single one of them lands so much. Even if someone
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Speaker 2: just takes one thing from one of those quotes, that
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Speaker 2: takes so much from it, which is beautiful. Yeah, good
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Speaker 2: share of the week.
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Speaker 1: All right, let's get into it.
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Speaker 2: So happening such a rollercoaster for so many different reasons.
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Speaker 2: And yeah, I feel like a lot of the conversations
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Speaker 2: we've been having recently has just been about really holding
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Speaker 2: the duality of life at the moment, like holding the
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Speaker 2: duality of like really high highs and then also equally
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Speaker 2: holding really low lows and just being able to like
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Speaker 2: ride the wave of emotion that comes with that, you know,
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Speaker 2: and being able to hold it. It's hard because you're learning,
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Speaker 2: and you're learning how to flow with life in a
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Speaker 2: way that you're going one moment, I feel really good
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Speaker 2: and I'm celebrating something in my life, like us celebrating
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Speaker 2: what we're doing with the podcast and the growth that
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Speaker 2: we're having and even the events, and you know, celebrating.
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Speaker 1: Numbers being high thanever. Like there's so many cool things
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Speaker 1: we're like, we've achieved in such a short amount of
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Speaker 1: time of doing this together. And then there's other things
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Speaker 1: they're like, holy fuck, I can't deal with life right now.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Well, I had my second brain surgery, So if you
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Speaker 1: are knew here, I got diagnosed with two different brain
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Speaker 1: aneurysms and had surgery for the first one last August
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Speaker 1: and the second one only like three weeks ago now
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Speaker 1: nearly three weeks ago. Out books on Tuesday. So I've
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Speaker 1: recovered really really well. I was quite scared going into
5:46
Speaker 1: it because the first time I had it, Icee You
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Speaker 1: was really really hard. But this time it was a
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Speaker 1: little bit easier. I really loved the nurses I had,
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Speaker 1: and you and May came and visited me in ICU
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Speaker 1: on the first night, and you guys stayed for I
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Speaker 1: think like nearly three or four hours. Yeah, it was
6:00
Speaker 1: a few hours. Yeah, it's good. Put up chairs, you
6:03
Speaker 1: jumped in bed with me. They brought me all these
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Speaker 1: snags and what were dinner, and we just like laughed
6:07
Speaker 1: and hung out. Because when you're in ICU for the
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Speaker 1: twenty four hours, you're know allowed to get out of
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Speaker 1: bed and they have to wake you up or come
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Speaker 1: and do twelve tests on you every single hour. So
6:16
Speaker 1: when you're uncomfortable, you're in a little bit of pain,
6:18
Speaker 1: you're quite headachey, you haven't eaten, you've been on an anesthesia. Yeah,
6:22
Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. You've got a catheterine. It's not a good time.
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Speaker 3: Milking it to milk it. Yes, Oh my gosh. So yeah,
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Speaker 3: having you girls there start off that night the first surgery,
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Speaker 3: I didn't sleep the whole time I was in ICU,
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Speaker 3: so I was mental and emotionally breaking down. I was
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Speaker 3: calling Steve, I called Beth, and I just was not coping.
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Speaker 3: So I was really scared for how I was going
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Speaker 3: to feel mentally for that. But having you girls for
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Speaker 3: that first part of the night, I think you left
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Speaker 3: like nine p thirty. I was like, Okay, the first
6:50
Speaker 3: quarter's done, and I watched a couple of episodes and
6:53
Speaker 3: I got to midnight. I was like, all right, we're
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Speaker 3: halfway there.
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Speaker 1: It's so good. Just make it to the morning. You've
6:57
Speaker 1: got this. And I just, yeah, I coped a lot better,
7:00
Speaker 1: I think because we were laughing too, and you girls
7:01
Speaker 1: brought in such a beautiful energy. It just put me
7:03
Speaker 1: in a high state. Yeah, And I felt my cut
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Speaker 1: was filled up and I was distracted from the fact
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Speaker 1: I just had brain surgery. So I actually got through
7:10
Speaker 1: that a lot better than the previous time, which was
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Speaker 1: really cool. And then around ten am the next day,
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Speaker 1: I got to get up and go toilet and wheeled
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Speaker 1: up to my wardroom out of ICU, which was cool,
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Speaker 1: and then I stayed one more night after that. Recovered
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Speaker 1: really quickly, so that was really really nice as far
7:27
Speaker 1: as brain surgery can go. Yeah, as nice as it
7:29
Speaker 1: can be. Yeah, came home, had a night in bed,
7:32
Speaker 1: and then oh, the next day, our worlds came tumbling down.
7:38
Speaker 1: I got a phone call from Steve who said, you
7:41
Speaker 1: need to call Megsie, and I was like, oh, why,
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Speaker 1: what's happened? He's like, just call Megan, And I just
7:47
Speaker 1: knew in my gut. I just got that sinking gut
7:50
Speaker 1: feeling that something had happened. And yeah, I called her,
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Speaker 1: and as soon as I saw her in Thor's face
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Speaker 1: on FaceTime, I just knew that something had happened. And yeah,
8:02
Speaker 1: they let me know that Rambo had passed away, and
8:05
Speaker 1: I just instantly started crying and I was like no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: like just I can't even describe the feelings of that moment.
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Speaker 2: It was awful.
8:15
Speaker 1: Like I was with you, we were working on the podcast,
8:17
Speaker 1: and we were at my house, high vibe, like catching
8:20
Speaker 1: up on work, and I just crumbled and I remember
8:23
Speaker 1: you just grabbing my hand and grabbing my leg and oh,
8:27
Speaker 1: just I take some big breaths and went straight round
8:30
Speaker 1: to the house and Steve had already been round, and yeah,
8:33
Speaker 1: we all just like cuddled, makes you thought of myself,
8:37
Speaker 1: just cuddled and cried and cried and cried. And yeah,
8:42
Speaker 1: obviously I won't go into all the details as to
8:44
Speaker 1: exactly what's happened, and it's their story to tell. Yeah,
8:48
Speaker 1: but it's been fucked. If I'm being completely honest, it's
8:51
Speaker 1: been awful, so sad and heartbreaking and missing this beautiful
8:57
Speaker 1: little man that we only got twelve months with. We
8:59
Speaker 1: literally celebrated his birthday only two weeks before, And honestly,
9:03
Speaker 1: just like witnessing one of my best friends go through
9:06
Speaker 1: this kind of pain, it is the worst. Like I
9:08
Speaker 1: just can't imagine how her heart is feeling. It is
9:13
Speaker 1: a mother's worst nightmare. I don't know there's anything else
9:17
Speaker 1: worse that could happen to a mum. So, yeah, it's
9:21
Speaker 1: been really really hard for everyone, especially obviously makes you thaw. Yeah,
9:26
Speaker 1: going through this little sunny Yeah, So last couple of weeks,
9:31
Speaker 1: I've just been round at the house and trying to
9:33
Speaker 1: hold space for them and all of our friends and family,
9:36
Speaker 1: cooking and cleaning and dropping flowers around, and we've always
9:38
Speaker 1: got candles that are going in the house, and there's
9:42
Speaker 1: beautiful celebration of life which she came along to as well.
9:45
Speaker 2: It was really beautiful. It's done so beautifully.
9:48
Speaker 1: The setup. There's like little butterflies everywhere and the flowers, and.
9:52
Speaker 2: Everyone wore neutrals and wore light colors to celebrate in life.
9:56
Speaker 1: I got to read a beautiful poem, and I read
9:58
Speaker 1: a poem that was from me, and then I also
10:00
Speaker 1: read a poem that I felt like. I got messages
10:02
Speaker 1: from Rambo and a dream that I had and thaw
10:04
Speaker 1: me he spoke and it was just, Yeah, it was
10:06
Speaker 1: a really beautiful day to celebrate and remember him. Grief
10:10
Speaker 1: is something we wanted to talk about more. It's so
10:13
Speaker 1: different for everyone. Yeah, you can never predict how you're
10:17
Speaker 1: going to cope or how you're going to manage, and
10:19
Speaker 1: there's no manual or instructions on how you also support
10:22
Speaker 1: someone going through that. I feel like I know Megsie
10:27
Speaker 1: really deeply, Like our bond is very very deep, and
10:29
Speaker 1: we're very very close. It's just one of those soul connections.
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Speaker 1: So I feel like I've been able to support and
10:36
Speaker 1: hold her really well. And I can read her body
10:39
Speaker 1: language quite well. I can just sense what she needs
10:42
Speaker 1: in every moment. But yeahs just something you can't prepare for.
10:45
Speaker 1: And then it's like you say the duality, Like that
10:48
Speaker 1: same week we had our event. Yeah, I remember saying
10:51
Speaker 1: to you. I was like, I should be excited for
10:53
Speaker 1: this and I should be wanting to go. But if
10:55
Speaker 1: I'm being honest, like I don't feel like being enjoy
10:58
Speaker 1: right now, how am I going to show up for
10:59
Speaker 1: these women? What if I cry the whole time? I
11:01
Speaker 1: had so many fears coming up as well, And I remember,
11:04
Speaker 1: you just give me permission, like it's okay if you cry.
11:07
Speaker 1: You don't have to be a high vibe, you don't
11:09
Speaker 1: have to be any certain way. I'll lead you. I've
11:12
Speaker 1: got you. We've got this. And you know, the thought
11:15
Speaker 1: did cross my mind of just canceling the whole event,
11:17
Speaker 1: but we had girls that had booked accommodation, paid for flights,
11:19
Speaker 1: were flying in, were so excited, so we decided to
11:22
Speaker 1: go ahead with it. And it was beautiful. And we've just
11:24
Speaker 1: had so many discussions, you know, Megsie and I have
11:27
Speaker 1: you and I have about holding it all and being
11:30
Speaker 1: okay that one moment you're not okay, and then the
11:34
Speaker 1: next moment you can experience during happiness. And Sonny has
11:37
Speaker 1: been a really beautiful light throughout this as well, because
11:40
Speaker 1: I remember, I think it was the second day. We
11:42
Speaker 1: were sitting on the couch Megzie and I and crying
11:45
Speaker 1: and you know, talking about it all, and Sonny was
11:48
Speaker 1: playing a game on an iPad, and all of a
11:50
Speaker 1: sudden she was like slag queen, and we just like
11:54
Speaker 1: broke our state and just started cracking up laughing, and
11:58
Speaker 1: Megsie said, is this not the duality of life? Like
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Speaker 1: I'm in such pain and we're just grieving and so sad,
12:03
Speaker 1: and then she just brings us playful energy and then
12:06
Speaker 1: we go back to like talking about things, and then
12:08
Speaker 1: she's like why did we do this gymnastics move? And
12:11
Speaker 1: it's like, wow, you can experience so much all at once,
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Speaker 1: Like it all is there. Yeah, the happiness, the gratitude,
12:17
Speaker 1: the joy, the memories, the deep dark grief, the pain,
12:22
Speaker 1: the body aching, your heart breaking, the confusion, the anger,
12:26
Speaker 1: the frustration, the why. Yeah, so many questions and it's
12:31
Speaker 1: all there. And I feel like every single day you
12:34
Speaker 1: kind of go through all those emotions and one moment
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Speaker 1: I'm so okay and getting through life or doing something,
12:41
Speaker 1: and then the next moment, something will trigger it, whether
12:44
Speaker 1: it's a photo, a song, a rainbow, anything, I'm like,
12:47
Speaker 1: holy shit, and your whole body just feels this intense
12:51
Speaker 1: amount of pain and sadness. It's wild. I feel like
12:54
Speaker 1: you touched with it. I haven't had to experience much
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Speaker 1: grief in my life, but this is just a whole
12:59
Speaker 1: nother thing, like a small child. It's just yeah, there
13:02
Speaker 1: are no words.
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Speaker 2: It's so unbelievably sad because is just one of those
13:05
Speaker 2: things where you hear of things like this happening all
13:07
Speaker 2: the time, but you never think it's going to happen
13:09
Speaker 2: to someone that you love and know or someone so
13:11
Speaker 2: close to you as well, and then when it does,
13:12
Speaker 2: it's like you do. You have to ride the wave
13:15
Speaker 2: of grief and emotion, just like what makes me and
13:17
Speaker 2: Thor are going through now and what you are as
13:19
Speaker 2: a result as well, And like what you were saying, like,
13:21
Speaker 2: grief is not linear, Like it's like you can't feel
13:25
Speaker 2: emotions at the same time, right, but within a time
13:29
Speaker 2: frame you can feel a multitude of different emotions.
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Speaker 3: You know.
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Speaker 2: So it's like in every given moment, you're present in
13:36
Speaker 2: the emotion, whether it's grief, whether it's sadness, whether it's
13:39
Speaker 2: frustration and anger and feeling like this is so fucking unfair.
13:43
Speaker 2: And on the flip side of that, it's the exact
13:45
Speaker 2: same thing of like celebration and celebrating the life and
13:48
Speaker 2: enjoying the happy moments and having all the memories of
13:51
Speaker 2: all the beautiful times that you've got to spend together,
13:54
Speaker 2: you know, and then also outside of that as well,
13:57
Speaker 2: everything else is happening in your life, being a mom,
13:59
Speaker 2: you know, being a mom, tatala tataj, being a partner,
14:02
Speaker 2: like you know, all the other things that exist outside
14:04
Speaker 2: of grief as well, they all are existing at the
14:07
Speaker 2: same time. And it's like having to just be thrown
14:10
Speaker 2: into this experience and have to learn how to navigate.
14:13
Speaker 1: It is such an experience.
14:15
Speaker 2: Everyone learning how to now adjust to life and navigate
14:18
Speaker 2: this with the grief that's attached to that.
14:22
Speaker 1: And also I don't ever like compartmentalizing, but then sometimes
14:26
Speaker 1: I have to. Yeah, with children, especially when you've got
14:29
Speaker 1: your own children, you have to or you've got to
14:31
Speaker 1: show up for something, for work. It's such an interesting,
14:34
Speaker 1: big learning experience. But yeah, I'm just honored that I
14:39
Speaker 1: can be there for Megsie, and she's the most amazing human.
14:42
Speaker 1: Like hearing her speak about this whole experience, I was
14:45
Speaker 1: already in awe and inspired by her, you know, since
14:48
Speaker 1: I've known her, but hearing the way she speaks about
14:51
Speaker 1: it as well as holding space for herself and allowing
14:54
Speaker 1: everything to be there, it's incredible. We've had conversations, really beautiful.
14:59
Speaker 1: One day, she was just really encouraging me to be
15:02
Speaker 1: online and keep sharing my magic and doing my thing
15:04
Speaker 1: and doing ram very proud, and it's just like so
15:07
Speaker 1: beautiful of her. You know. We started to go fund
15:10
Speaker 1: me account and raise some money just to be able
15:11
Speaker 1: to pay for the funeral, and as a parent, even
15:14
Speaker 1: the last year, she really hasn't been able to work
15:17
Speaker 1: much because she's been giving every second to Rambo and
15:20
Speaker 1: supporting him in his every needs. You knows, it's been
15:23
Speaker 1: nice that everyone's come together and donated, whether it's five
15:26
Speaker 1: dollars or ten dollars or one thousand dollars to help
15:28
Speaker 1: support them and give them some space to grieve without
15:31
Speaker 1: worrying about the financial burdens, you know, which. The go
15:34
Speaker 1: fundme page is still up and running. If you haven't
15:36
Speaker 1: donated yet, we'd really appreciate that. If it's five dollars
15:39
Speaker 1: or twenty dollars, whatever you can afford, and if you
15:41
Speaker 1: can't afford anything, that's okay to just send them the
15:44
Speaker 1: marriage So the message of love, support and I just
15:47
Speaker 1: really want to keep Rambo's light alive. Yeah, you keep
15:50
Speaker 1: talking about him and all the lessons he taught us
15:52
Speaker 1: and what he was here for, and there was so
15:55
Speaker 1: much beauty in that, Like he really did bring us
15:57
Speaker 1: a lot. So yeah, it's been it's been.
16:01
Speaker 2: A big month, the whirlwind, And it's.
16:02
Speaker 1: Crazy when someone like usks how you are, it's like
16:05
Speaker 1: not okay, you know, and I don't think it's going
16:07
Speaker 1: to be okay for a very long time. But still
16:11
Speaker 1: allowing and giving myself permission to feel joyful in moments,
16:15
Speaker 1: to still live life as life does go on. But
16:20
Speaker 1: the grief is always there, and so is the love
16:23
Speaker 1: and support and memories of him, Like that's not going
16:25
Speaker 1: anywhere regardless of what's happening in the outside world.
16:28
Speaker 2: I think as well. When it comes to grief, it's
16:30
Speaker 2: almost like that routine and that normality that you have
16:33
Speaker 2: of everyday life allows you to stay plugged into everyday life,
16:37
Speaker 2: but doesn't mean that your grief isn't there. It just
16:40
Speaker 2: means that you'll continue your routine to make sure that
16:43
Speaker 2: you stay in a good mental place. Like I find
16:46
Speaker 2: that routine and structure and stuff like that, no matter
16:48
Speaker 2: what you're going through, allows you to go okay, I've
16:51
Speaker 2: got to keep moving. I've got to keep moving. But
16:53
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge the pain or
16:55
Speaker 2: the fear, or the grief or the sadness that comes
16:57
Speaker 2: with that, but you give yourself permission to go okay.
17:00
Speaker 2: All of these other things in my life, like being
17:02
Speaker 2: a parent, being a partner, you know, being a friend,
17:04
Speaker 2: being a daughter, all of these things still exist. And
17:07
Speaker 2: staying plugged into the people that really fill you up
17:10
Speaker 2: are going to be able to help you move through
17:12
Speaker 2: that grief so much more.
17:13
Speaker 1: And not only that. I'm very aware and conscious of
17:16
Speaker 1: my energy when I step into Megsi's energy and Megsi's home,
17:21
Speaker 1: So I think it's good for me to continue doing
17:25
Speaker 1: my stuff and fill my cup up and make sure
17:27
Speaker 1: I'm in a really good energetic state even before I
17:30
Speaker 1: go into her house. If I'm feeling off center, not grounded,
17:35
Speaker 1: really emotional. I will do like a couple of big
17:38
Speaker 1: breasts or put on like a two minute meditation, just
17:40
Speaker 1: like ground myself before I go in and hold that
17:42
Speaker 1: for her, which is really important because I want to
17:45
Speaker 1: be the best support person that I can be for her,
17:49
Speaker 1: so I'm quite conscious of that. Yeah, Megsie's kind of
17:51
Speaker 1: described it as an forty days postpartum after having a baby,
17:55
Speaker 1: and a lot of cultures, it's the same when there's
17:57
Speaker 1: a death in the family. It's like this forty days
17:59
Speaker 1: you're very vulnerable and sensitive to outside noise, so you
18:02
Speaker 1: naturally want to be at home and be more cocooned
18:04
Speaker 1: and internal as you go through that process before you're
18:08
Speaker 1: ready to kind of step outside. And she's really honoring
18:11
Speaker 1: that for herself and her family, and it's really beautiful
18:13
Speaker 1: to see her honor that. I know one day, when
18:17
Speaker 1: she's ready, she wants to share Rambo's story and share
18:20
Speaker 1: him with the world more. She's obviously not quite ready
18:22
Speaker 1: for that, and I will offer this space for her
18:25
Speaker 1: on the podcast, and I'm sure she'll hop on her
18:27
Speaker 1: stories and stuff when she's ready, So that'll be really
18:30
Speaker 1: beautiful when she is. But for now, we just need
18:32
Speaker 1: to send her love. And yeah, that's been the hardest thing.
18:37
Speaker 1: But yeah, in amongst that, we've had some really beautiful
18:40
Speaker 1: things as well. We had our first Gallantine's event, which
18:43
Speaker 1: was so beautiful, and yes I did cry at the event,
18:47
Speaker 1: but that's the cool thing about this community that we have.
18:49
Speaker 1: It's like holding space for each other and just allowing
18:52
Speaker 1: whatever's there to be there with no judgment and no
18:54
Speaker 1: shame and no guilt. We're just there for each other.
18:58
Speaker 1: And it was a really beautiful night. It was really
19:00
Speaker 1: really lovely. Everyone dressed up and came and had fun,
19:03
Speaker 1: and you had the sex Soligist speak Qua did a
19:05
Speaker 1: live podcast, but a beautiful sit down dinner. It was
19:08
Speaker 1: just so nice.
19:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a really beautiful time, and it was
19:11
Speaker 2: it was that duality that we were talking about, like
19:13
Speaker 2: what you were saying, It's like there were moments where
19:15
Speaker 2: it was like so beautiful and it was about the
19:17
Speaker 2: event and we were fully immersed in it. But then
19:19
Speaker 2: there were also moments where everyone had their eyes closed
19:21
Speaker 2: and we were walking the girls through just a beautiful moment.
19:24
Speaker 2: And there were times where you mentioned Megsie and Rambo
19:27
Speaker 2: and celebration of life and all of those things and
19:29
Speaker 2: it became really emotional.
19:30
Speaker 1: But it's like all of it gets to exist, all
19:33
Speaker 1: of it.
19:33
Speaker 2: Like we were there celebrating not only women coming together
19:36
Speaker 2: in connection and what we're creating now in the space
19:39
Speaker 2: that we're creating for others to come and feel safe,
19:41
Speaker 2: but also acknowledging what's really the reality of what's happening
19:45
Speaker 2: in everyday life as well. And you know the pain
19:47
Speaker 2: that you know, you and Megsie and Thor and Sonny
19:49
Speaker 2: and everyone involved and everyone who knew Rambo and Megsie
19:53
Speaker 2: who are feeling at the moment. You know, it's like
19:55
Speaker 2: we don't have to ignore those things or pretend like
19:57
Speaker 2: everything's okay. It's recognizing those things and going like, hey,
20:00
Speaker 2: this exists, and we're going to acknowledge it, and we're
20:03
Speaker 2: also going to celebrate the beauty of life in the
20:05
Speaker 2: same breath.
20:06
Speaker 1: Definitely, a conversation makes in I have hard recently as
20:09
Speaker 1: well as just not judging how other people grieve, like
20:12
Speaker 1: how someone feels conveyed to the next person. Everyone just
20:15
Speaker 1: feels different and copes differently, and it's all okay. It's
20:18
Speaker 1: going to be very dependent on your childhood and your
20:21
Speaker 1: upbringing and how you've coped with hard times and the
20:24
Speaker 1: meaning that you're putting on the situation and are you
20:27
Speaker 1: a suppressor? Are you someone that needs a lot of support? Like,
20:30
Speaker 1: everyone's just so different. So it's just allowing everyone to
20:33
Speaker 1: have their own experience. And you could see even through
20:36
Speaker 1: the grieving process of different friends and family that everyone's
20:39
Speaker 1: process was really different. Yea, and not one is right
20:42
Speaker 1: and not one is wrong, and that's how life should be. Hey,
20:45
Speaker 1: It's like whatever decision you're making, however you're feeling about
20:48
Speaker 1: a situation, just allowing it to be there onor all
20:51
Speaker 1: of it except it. Don't judge it, don't try and
20:55
Speaker 1: push anything away. It's all a part of your journey
20:58
Speaker 1: and your experience, and it's real. You can't deny yourself
21:01
Speaker 1: with feeling whatever you feel. Yeah, big lessons and all
21:04
Speaker 1: that for sure.
21:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, just jumping back to the event, it was really
21:10
Speaker 2: cool to see how many women were there to support
21:13
Speaker 2: in terms of Megsie and you and just holding that
21:16
Speaker 2: space as well. It was really beautiful. There was so
21:18
Speaker 2: much love and so much care and so much you know, consideration,
21:22
Speaker 2: and how beautiful it is that you know, women able
21:24
Speaker 2: to see other women go through grief and also be
21:26
Speaker 2: able to be like, hey, I've got you, like this
21:28
Speaker 2: tribe is here, this community is here, like I will
21:31
Speaker 2: hold you through it. And from what I've seen is
21:33
Speaker 2: a huge part of what megsi is shared is she
21:35
Speaker 2: was overwhelmed with the amount of love and support that
21:38
Speaker 2: was there from her community and just what a beautiful thing,
21:41
Speaker 2: you know, And that's a huge part of the reason
21:43
Speaker 2: why we wanted to bring all these women together is
21:46
Speaker 2: specifically for that day about self love and about connecting
21:49
Speaker 2: with themselves, but connecting with other women. Like so many
21:52
Speaker 2: women on that night were like messaged both Ashy and
21:55
Speaker 2: I being like, you know, I met women that I
21:58
Speaker 2: otherwise wouldn't have met outside and I'm so grateful for
22:01
Speaker 2: those connections. Yeah, you know, and a lot of them
22:04
Speaker 2: also a willing and have come back, and I bought
22:07
Speaker 2: tickets to the next one. You were also coming alone. Yeah,
22:10
Speaker 2: you know. It's just a beautiful ground and a safe
22:12
Speaker 2: leaping pad to do bigger things, to do hard things,
22:16
Speaker 2: to be able to move through hard things, and also
22:18
Speaker 2: feel supported by women that you're surrounded by.
22:20
Speaker 1: That's so important.
22:21
Speaker 2: That was incredible.
22:22
Speaker 1: One particular lady Megan, her name is not makes me
22:25
Speaker 1: my girlfriend At Megan, she came to one of my
22:27
Speaker 1: ultimate girls. They out and before she even bought a
22:30
Speaker 1: ticket to that, she was sharing with me in DMS.
22:32
Speaker 1: She had lost her husband and she was going through
22:35
Speaker 1: a lot of grief and I just instantly felt this
22:37
Speaker 1: really strong pool to really encourage her to come. I
22:41
Speaker 1: just thought the day would just be really good for her.
22:43
Speaker 1: And the moment she arrived at that first event, we
22:45
Speaker 1: just like hugged and felt this connection and I really
22:48
Speaker 1: held her in her grief and supported her through that day.
22:51
Speaker 1: And she came to another one and did the same.
22:53
Speaker 1: And then when she arrived I didn't even know she
22:55
Speaker 1: had a ticket. When she arrived at the Gallantine's event,
22:57
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my gosh, you're here. And
22:59
Speaker 1: then we huddled and she held me and she's like,
23:02
Speaker 1: I've got you. I promise there is light. It will
23:05
Speaker 1: feel better soon, and like I just broke down, ball
23:09
Speaker 1: my eyes out. But it was like so nice that
23:10
Speaker 1: I got to hold space for her, and then she
23:13
Speaker 1: was holding space for me, and I'm like, is this
23:14
Speaker 1: not sister her? This is just so beautiful human, isn't she?
23:20
Speaker 1: This is what it's about. This is what our events
23:21
Speaker 1: are about. It's like love, connection, open hearts, being there
23:25
Speaker 1: for each other.
23:26
Speaker 2: Oh God, that's okay, let it in.
23:29
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's get through this episode without crime. It
23:31
Speaker 1: was beautiful. Yeah, even when I cry nowt it's like
23:34
Speaker 1: tears of pain and sadness. Then also just so much
23:37
Speaker 1: gratitude and love. The love for Maisie has just like
23:41
Speaker 1: intensified so much, you know. Yeah, anyways, so yes, we
23:45
Speaker 1: just wanted to talk about that and honor Megsie and
23:47
Speaker 1: Rambo and thought and just allow.
23:50
Speaker 2: It all to be here. This is a huge part
23:52
Speaker 2: of like the conversations not only do we have in
23:54
Speaker 2: everyday life, but what we want to bring onto the
23:56
Speaker 2: podcast and exactly what we're talking about now. It's like, yes,
23:59
Speaker 2: there are beautiful things that were going through. They're also
24:01
Speaker 2: really challenging things that were going through. But it's like
24:04
Speaker 2: allowing it all to be there and not making it
24:06
Speaker 2: wrong for being there. Like, whatever you feel in the moment,
24:09
Speaker 2: give yourself permission to feel it. You know, It's like
24:11
Speaker 2: let it in, let it come forward, because the moment
24:13
Speaker 2: you feel it, you're healing little parts of that part
24:16
Speaker 2: of your heart that feels broken, you know, and you
24:18
Speaker 2: get to heal that and move through it and never
24:22
Speaker 2: at all forget, but allow you to put those pieces
24:24
Speaker 2: back in your heart that are like hurting right now,
24:27
Speaker 2: you know, yeap.
24:30
Speaker 1: And then back to the events. So we've done our
24:32
Speaker 1: first one now and we're planning our second one, and
24:34
Speaker 1: we release tickets. Within four days.
24:35
Speaker 2: They were all sold out, and we doubled the amount
24:38
Speaker 2: of tickets this time as well. Yeah, it's just going
24:42
Speaker 2: to be such a deep a dive into yourself, into
24:45
Speaker 2: personal development, into your psyche, into your behavior.
24:49
Speaker 1: Just a lot deeper too. You're really going to get
24:51
Speaker 1: to know players of yourself that you might not have
24:52
Speaker 1: explored before. And you know, one or two of the
24:55
Speaker 1: exercises will be a little bit uncomfortable, but we want
24:58
Speaker 1: to show you that this work can also be fun,
25:00
Speaker 1: and it can be safe, and it can be in
25:01
Speaker 1: a supportive environment where you want to do more of it.
25:04
Speaker 1: It's like whoa, that that was edgy, Okay, what next?
25:07
Speaker 1: Like I'm ready, you feel ready, and when you feel
25:09
Speaker 1: that growth, that progression, it's really exciting and motivating.
25:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it might feel edgy in the beginning, but
25:14
Speaker 2: like what you just said, when you feel the benefit
25:18
Speaker 2: of doing the things like that and you go, oh
25:20
Speaker 2: my god, Oh my god, I've just been able to
25:22
Speaker 2: overcome something huge in my life as a result of
25:25
Speaker 2: seeing that thing. Yes, it's life changing, and so it
25:28
Speaker 2: really is for the growth seekers who love this side
25:31
Speaker 2: of personal development, who love to grow, who love to
25:33
Speaker 2: become a better version of themselves, and who aren't afraid
25:37
Speaker 2: of looking at the scarier things to look at.
25:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had dinner last night with Meg, and I
25:41
Speaker 1: said to the girls because there were deep in conversations
25:43
Speaker 1: about our intimate relationships and just things that have shown
25:47
Speaker 1: up for us, things we want to improve, things are
25:48
Speaker 1: struggling with. And I was like, all right, let's be
25:50
Speaker 1: really real with each other. What is your biggest flaw
25:54
Speaker 1: or fault or just something that you don't want to
25:57
Speaker 1: show up like that in your relationship? And it was
25:59
Speaker 1: so cool. We were kind of sat there for a
26:00
Speaker 1: minute thinking about it, and everything each one of us
26:03
Speaker 1: said were like, wow, so relatable. I've also done that.
26:06
Speaker 1: But it was just cool to highlight it because it
26:07
Speaker 1: was in a safe environment where we knew we wouldn't
26:10
Speaker 1: shame each other for it, but to actually say it
26:12
Speaker 1: out loud and be like, oh, like I could see
26:15
Speaker 1: even Meg's face just be like, how would your man
26:17
Speaker 1: feel if you were to do X y Z instead
26:20
Speaker 1: of that? He was like, Wow, he would feel so amazing.
26:23
Speaker 1: I was like, he would feel solid up and so
26:25
Speaker 1: loved and so appreciate it. Then it just overflows to
26:27
Speaker 1: you and the kids and it's like this beautiful bounce
26:29
Speaker 1: back and forth. And we had our own stuff too
26:32
Speaker 1: that came up with us in the relationship, and then
26:34
Speaker 1: we were reflecting on things that we've improved on and
26:36
Speaker 1: that have helped our relationships, and it was just so cool.
26:39
Speaker 1: That's what we want to bring to the events. It's
26:40
Speaker 1: a safe space where you get to talk about that
26:42
Speaker 1: hard shit, look in the mirror and be like, oh,
26:45
Speaker 1: I can see where I'm showing up. And if you
26:47
Speaker 1: will come to one of these events and you just
26:48
Speaker 1: take one thing away from it, it can literally change
26:50
Speaker 1: your life. Once you realize how you're showing up or
26:54
Speaker 1: a behavior, a pattern that causes conflict or icky energy
26:58
Speaker 1: or anything even not even with the partner, just within yourself.
27:01
Speaker 1: Once you've got that awareness and you realize that, then
27:03
Speaker 1: you have the power to make change. You're not aware
27:05
Speaker 1: of it and you're not doing this deep dive work,
27:07
Speaker 1: you're not being asked the right questions and being in
27:10
Speaker 1: the environments where you can really dive in nothing changes,
27:13
Speaker 1: if nothing changes, not at all. So I'm just so
27:16
Speaker 1: excited for them to have these realizations and to be
27:19
Speaker 1: able to walk out of there being like, holy shit,
27:21
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that about myself, but now I get
27:23
Speaker 1: a choice on how I do that.
27:24
Speaker 2: Differently, and being held in it. Know that you're so
27:27
Speaker 2: deeply loved in it. Yeah, Like even last night, like
27:29
Speaker 2: Meg was like, oh my god, my heart is beating
27:31
Speaker 2: so fast. She was like I'm shaking, like we love
27:34
Speaker 2: you're Yeah, like it's so fine, You're so safe here,
27:37
Speaker 2: like it's okay.
27:37
Speaker 1: And then at the end of it, she was like,
27:38
Speaker 1: oh my.
27:39
Speaker 2: God, Like I swear I would be so triggered if
27:41
Speaker 2: I share this to my partner, But with you guys,
27:43
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I feel like I can just chill
27:45
Speaker 2: and now.
27:45
Speaker 1: I can go home and have this conversation with zero
27:48
Speaker 1: like fire behind it. Yeah, it was cool, Like we
27:51
Speaker 1: feel the same.
27:51
Speaker 2: We love this stuff.
27:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, my girlhood is so import it.
27:54
Speaker 2: This is why we bring it in because it's like
27:56
Speaker 2: that fury and that fire and that initial trigger that
27:59
Speaker 2: you might be feeling around certain things. You might take
28:01
Speaker 2: that immediately to your partner, or to the family member,
28:03
Speaker 2: or to a friend. But it's like in this place
28:06
Speaker 2: where we know it's ultimate level of safety. We know
28:08
Speaker 2: that we can bring that initial response in first and
28:11
Speaker 2: then go hey, okay, cool, how do I want to
28:13
Speaker 2: respond to? Who do I want to be? And it's
28:15
Speaker 2: just always a choice how you respond, how you treat people,
28:19
Speaker 2: how you behave what you choose to do in any
28:21
Speaker 2: given situation. So this event in itself will be a
28:25
Speaker 2: lot about taking back the power of you being in
28:28
Speaker 2: control of yourself and how you show up and yeah,
28:31
Speaker 2: creating the life that you actually want to live.
28:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. I think we were talking about something
28:35
Speaker 1: the other day that I wanted to share it, and it was like,
28:38
Speaker 1: how you show up when you're triggered? There's your work. Yes,
28:41
Speaker 1: it's all good to be rosy and happy and kind
28:44
Speaker 1: and respectful when things are smooth. When you're triggered, how
28:49
Speaker 1: do you show up? How do you react? What do
28:51
Speaker 1: you say or post online? Or what's your energy? What's
28:55
Speaker 1: your actions?
28:56
Speaker 2: How do you treat that person?
28:57
Speaker 1: Yeah?
28:57
Speaker 2: What do you say? What are the words that you.
28:59
Speaker 1: Use like that is the work, that's your mirror of
29:02
Speaker 1: exactly where you're at. That always shows someone's true colors
29:06
Speaker 1: as to how they're responding in situations when they're triggered.
29:09
Speaker 1: And if you can remain in a grounded place and
29:12
Speaker 1: be able to hold space that person whatever's coming up
29:14
Speaker 1: for them, and be able to still speak your truth
29:16
Speaker 1: and hold your boundaries and have your standards in place,
29:20
Speaker 1: but in a kind respectful way, amazing. That's coals.
29:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can be that personal and it's learning how
29:25
Speaker 2: to become that person, isn't it, Because it's like okay, cool. Yes,
29:28
Speaker 2: you might have a plan in place, but when you're triggered,
29:30
Speaker 2: do you use that plan? Like how quickly does that
29:33
Speaker 2: shit go out the window? Exactly when you're triggered and
29:36
Speaker 2: you're pissed.
29:37
Speaker 1: Off at someone? You can talk the talk, but are
29:39
Speaker 1: you walking? You can do all the self development of
29:41
Speaker 1: the world. You can read all the books, podcasts, get
29:43
Speaker 1: the coaches, do all the things. If you're not actually
29:46
Speaker 1: implementing it when shit's hard, what are you doing? It
29:48
Speaker 1: doesn't mean shit. It does not mean it doesn't mean shit.
29:50
Speaker 1: Words mean nothing.
29:51
Speaker 2: Actions, your actions are everything.
29:53
Speaker 1: It shows your true character. Yeah, I love that.
29:55
Speaker 2: And also as well, it's acknowledging that even in the
29:57
Speaker 2: moments where you do have outbursts and stuff, it's like
29:59
Speaker 2: not shaming yourself for them, but recognizing that you're doing
30:02
Speaker 2: it is the first step.
30:03
Speaker 1: If you could be aware of.
30:05
Speaker 2: The things that you're doing, you're already twenty five percent
30:08
Speaker 2: of the way to overcoming that thing. You know. All
30:10
Speaker 2: it just becomes about is going, okay, I recognize I
30:13
Speaker 2: do ABC, who do I want to be, and going okay,
30:16
Speaker 2: the person that I inspire to be would.
30:19
Speaker 1: Show up in this way would be calm. They can't.
30:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, they would say a certain thing, they would behave
30:23
Speaker 2: a certain way.
30:24
Speaker 1: It speak slowly, your body language would be different, whatever
30:27
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah.
30:27
Speaker 2: They would take time when they're triggered to go, hey,
30:29
Speaker 2: I need five minutes to myself so that I don't
30:31
Speaker 2: say something I'm going to regret.
30:32
Speaker 1: I love you, but I love you.
30:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love you. This doesn't mean I'm leaving. This
30:36
Speaker 2: means that I want to work through things. But this
30:38
Speaker 2: fight wasn't productive, Like you know, whatever it is, yeah,
30:41
Speaker 2: whatever it is, and just looking at those things and going, okay,
30:44
Speaker 2: I'm choosing to be that behaving in that way.
30:47
Speaker 1: Yeah.
30:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's forever work, It really is. We say
30:49
Speaker 2: this all the time.
30:50
Speaker 1: Like conscious practice and every moment and every disagreement and
30:53
Speaker 1: every iffy situation, every time life gets hard, you have
30:57
Speaker 1: to be so consciously aware and choosing to show up
31:00
Speaker 1: in the way.
31:01
Speaker 2: Yeah you're proud of And something is going to constantly
31:03
Speaker 2: trigger you until you choose to look at it, until
31:06
Speaker 2: you choose to behave differently towards it, and at the
31:09
Speaker 2: end of the day, like, no one can force you
31:11
Speaker 2: to behave a certain way, Like that's on you. And
31:14
Speaker 2: if you're experiencing the same thing over and over again,
31:16
Speaker 2: it's also an opportunity of going, Okay, what am I
31:18
Speaker 2: missing here? Like what haven't I looked at? Where can
31:21
Speaker 2: I do better? Like where can I improve this situation?
31:24
Speaker 2: Or you know, how can I approach this in a
31:26
Speaker 2: different way?
31:27
Speaker 3: Yeah?
31:27
Speaker 1: What am I allowing? Yeah? Yeah, so true. I feel
31:31
Speaker 1: like we could talk about this for hours. Oh my god.
31:33
Speaker 1: Oh but that's our life catch up. It's been a
31:36
Speaker 1: big month. But sending love out there to anyone who's
31:39
Speaker 1: going through a really hard time, whether it is grief,
31:41
Speaker 1: whether it is losing your job, financial stress, going through
31:45
Speaker 1: a breakup, battling whatever is health wise. Just we're sending
31:50
Speaker 1: you so much love. Yeah, a lot of people in
31:52
Speaker 1: this world need a bit more extra love, I think,
31:54
Speaker 1: so tius is always a choice to choose it.
31:56
Speaker 2: And also as well, just like giving yourself permission to
31:58
Speaker 2: be kind to yourself at the moment, because I think
32:00
Speaker 2: it's easy to be compassionate towards others, but like, what
32:04
Speaker 2: do you need right now and how can you give
32:06
Speaker 2: more of that to yourself? So true?
32:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, backdrop, thanks for joining us, guys. I'm going to
32:11
Speaker 1: leave the go fud me account for mekesit in our
32:13
Speaker 1: description box below and yeah, we'll see you guys on Wednesday. Bye.