Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Finding Your Voice After Emotional and Financial Abuse with Amanda J. Scott

Transcript

Finding Your Voice After Emotional and Financial Abuse with Amanda J. Scott · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

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  And that was the beginning of when I rebuilt with slow, simple
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  acts of self-care. And that's yeah.
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  Because healing doesn't happen all at once.
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  It's not a single decision. It's a daily commitment.
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  But each time you choose yourself, when you speak up, for
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  instance, you know when even though your voice may be
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  trembling, when you rest, when you cry, when you go to the park
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  like I did, instead of returning back to the chaos, you are
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  reclaiming pieces of yourself. And that acknowledgement, that
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  is the the start of when the self-care begins.
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  Yeah. Because yeah, that is when it
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  when you naturally, when you start to accept it and admit it,
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  you naturally see that your needs matter.
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  Hello, Welcome to the Field podcast.
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  I'm Melissa Crick, your host. I've got a new friend here with
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  me today from our good friends at Pod Match.
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  I've got Amanda J Scott, She's joining me from down under.
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  I'm so happy to have another Australian friend here in the
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  conversation. I've been so fortunate over
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  these last couple of years to meet so many incredible women
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  from all around the world, several being from Australia,
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  and I can't think of any other way I would have met them had
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  had Pod match not connected. So I'm super to share Amanda,
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  her story, her powerful story and, and, and what she's learned
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  about where she is today, the resources she's offered.
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  She's such a gift to women and she she also sadly has a story
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  that's far too common. The good news for all of us and
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  especially her, is that she has moved on from that, moved
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  forward, has learned to love herself well.
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  And she describes herself as someone who's passionate, kind,
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  empathetic and most importantly, and she added this, and I'd love
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  this when I asked her this question, She's like, I am those
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  things to myself that my friends, you get nothing else
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  today. I want you to really take that
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  home. Amanda, Welcome to the Field
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  podcast. Lovely.
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  Thank you so much, Melissa, for having me.
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  And hello out there to all the listeners.
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  It's wonderful. Thank you for for letting me be
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  part of your podcast. It's wonderful.
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  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
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  And everybody deserves the opportunity to heal and move on
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  from an abusive situation. Yeah, absolutely.
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  And you. And you not only embodied that
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  yourself, but now you're sharing and helping other women as well,
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  which which leads me to my first question of talk to me about
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  prioritizing self-care in your life.
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  This is something that is not happening when you're in an
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  abusive relationship because you just don't.
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  You're just trying to survive and you don't even know so many
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  times. I would imagine you don't even
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  know your own value well enough to know to make this a priority.
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  Yeah, and that's true. I mean, for such a long time, I
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  didn't even know what self-care truly meant.
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  I thought it was something that you did when everything else was
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  done. I thought it was a luxury that
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  you earned after the chaos had settled, after every nobody
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  else's needs had been met. But that time never came.
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  So it took me 17 years to understand that self-care, it's
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  not a luxury, it's a lifeline. It's vital, it's vital.
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  It is the thread that keeps you connected to yourself when
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  everything else is unravelling. Wow, wow, when did you realize
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  that? Well, in the beginning, I was
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  emotionally depleted and physically drained.
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  As I said, you know, I, I put all my energy into other people
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  that I didn't have. I was empty.
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  I was completely empty. And I I couldn't even remember
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  when I was. I felt full.
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  So the turning point came for me when I finally acknowledged the
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  truth that I was in an abusive relationship.
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  Now this is one of the hardest truths to face because we make
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  excuses. We tell ourselves it's not that
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  bad. And I had convinced myself that
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  putting my needs first made me loving and loyal and good.
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  But yeah, it only made me lost. Yeah, that sense of abandoning
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  yourself all the time, which isn't healthy for any of us, but
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  it's opposite of the script we get as little girls.
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  I want to go. You know, we start hearing at
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  very young ages how we're supposed to show up in the
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  world. Yeah.
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  So at first, you know, caring for myself was foreign and it
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  was actually uncomfortable and it was seemed selfish at first.
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  But I think putting myself that moment when I accepted was the
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  acknowledged. It was a beginning and that is
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  when my healing began and I didn't have all the answers and
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  I didn't know what the next step would be.
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  But by simply admitting it, it cracked open the door to freedom
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  and that is when I began the journey back to me.
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  And for me, this the first the self-care was, was to allow
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  myself space to breathe. That was important.
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  And I found that space in nature amongst the the birds and the
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  trees and that stillness, you know, where I'd walk in nature,
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  away from the chaos in my life, and I would just process my
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  emotions without being interrupted.
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  It was those moments that I was able to make sense of who I was
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  and what I'd tolerated and who had lost in that process.
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  And I began to reconnect with myself.
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  And it taught me that I mattered.
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  Yeah. Wow, so good and so important.
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  You mentioned so many important steps.
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  That ability to connect with yourself, to connect the
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  emotional, the mental, the physical, the spiritual, all the
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  pieces and parts of it. That getting quiet out into
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  nature where you could allow yourself the space and the time.
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  And that was the beginning of when I rebuilt.
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  It was slow, simple acts of self-care.
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  And that's. Yeah.
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  Because healing doesn't happen all at once.
• 7:31
  It's not a single decision. It's a daily commitment.
• 7:37
  But each time you choose yourself, when you speak up, for
• 7:43
  instance, you know when. Even though your voice may be
• 7:46
  trembling when you rest, when you cry, when you go to the park
• 7:52
  like I did, instead of returning back to the chaos, you are
• 7:57
  reclaiming pieces of yourself. And that acknowledgement, that
• 8:03
  is the the start of when the self-care begins.
• 8:10
  Yeah. Because, yeah, that is when it
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  when you naturally, when you start to accept it and admit it,
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  you naturally see that your needs matter.
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  Yeah. And they do.
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  They do so good. Talk to me in this process about
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  the role learning about healthy boundaries has been for you in
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  terms of who you will and won't allow in your spaces, space and
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  time you won't give to other things and and making sure that
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  you're the priority in terms of your care.
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  Talk to me about learning how to to put that together so that you
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  know that you always had that time and space protected for
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  yourself. Well, I knew that, yeah.
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  In the past, I was conditioned to believe that my needs came
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  last and I said yes to things that made me feel small, just to
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  avoid the conflict and rejection.
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  But what I've come to understand is that boundaries, they're not
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  walls built from fear, they're not.
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  They're they're little gates of love and respect.
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  They don't exist to shut people out, they exist to honour and
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  nurture the peace. You know that that I've took a
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  long time to create that peace. So it's really important because
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  you know, as I said before, self-care is a start to
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  providing yourself to prove to yourself in real, tangible ways
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  that your well-being is worth protecting.
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  So, so boundaries are they taught me.
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  I don't. I don't need to over explain or
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  or apologize for looking after myself.
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  I don't. I no longer need to justify the
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  need to rest. I don't.
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  I don't. Boundaries give me the freedom
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  to choose what is healthy. Wow, that was a master class in
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  the in healthy boundaries. Thank you so much for that.
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  That was so good. I want to go back to this
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  connecting our emotional, mental, physical, spiritual
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  health. When you're in abusive
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  situations, there are so many striggers, triggers, triggers.
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  I've got stress triggers. I combined to work there.
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  It happened. There are.
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  So there's this living in this hyper vigilant state all the
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  time because there's this constant sense of you're
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  constantly running from the lion kind of thing with your nervous
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  system. And I've talked to so many women
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  that had literal physical illnesses as an outcome from
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  being in these abusive relationships.
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  How did it manifest? How's it?
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  Has this all manifested for you? Well, this is what happens.
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  Your emotional health was something that I ignored for
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  years because I would smile like we do through the pain.
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  I would dress up to cover up the heartache I was feeling and I
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  thought if I kept going, if I kept holding it all together, if
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  I kept showing up, it would all be OK.
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  So. But it wasn't.
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  So what I've come to understand is the emotional health is just
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  as important as your physical health because our bodies, they
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  hold on to the emotions that we refuse to feel and and the words
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  we never say. So yeah.
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  So by suppressing it and pushing down those emotions, they don't
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  disappear. They don't.
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  They don't. They store in the body.
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  This tension is exhaustion and is illness.
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  Yeah, yeah, they do. And it's something we're talking
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  about more and more finally. But there's so many of us, so
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  many women in in various different ways and stories that
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  carry this with us for years. And we have this like pivotal
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  like hit the wall kind of moment where we can't ignore it
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  anymore. Did you have that when you when
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  you kind of had that wake up call, like I am in an abusive
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  because you talked about earlier, you had to acknowledge,
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  you had to recognize you had to name it.
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  Was there some specific event or thing that happened within your
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  body that lets you know you could no longer go on like this?
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  Or was it? Did it just kind of happen over
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  time? Yes.
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  And well, I think, you know, things happen physically.
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  You know, the emotional, it leads into your physical
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  illness. And one of the things that I
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  had, I wasn't able to speak up. My thigh had exploded.
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  It was like, come on, Amanda, you've got to talk.
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  You've got to speak up. So I started to have physical
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  ailments, and this is what happens when you don't get it
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  out. So for me, the most important
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  thing was to stop running away from the emotions and to
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  actually physically, you know, OK, check in with myself.
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  Oh, how am I feeling? Yeah.
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  So one of the powerful practices I did was when I was walking in
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  the park, I would, I, I call it, you know, walking with emotions.
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  I would go in the park and I'd let my body move with how I
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  felt. So if I was feeling angry, I
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  would pump it out. You know, I'd walk fast for your
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  ears. I'd, I'd pick up my speed.
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  And if I was, you know, feeling sad, I'd be slow and but the
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  movement helped me instead of storing it, it actually got it
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  out it it went through me. And I think it's important to to
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  move, recognise him and move through the emotions instead of
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  letting them define you, you know?
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  What? Yes, so important.
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  I think that you made a very important distinction there.
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  Sometimes people think they have this erroneous idea that if they
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  feel it, it will become their identity.
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  No, you're just allow, you're allowing space to acknowledge it
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  exists, to feel it, to move through it and to move forward.
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  And and that's, you know, you're not hanging on to it, you're not
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  identifying with it, but you are naming it and giving it an
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  opportunity to be acknowledged and also acknowledging where it
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  came from so that you can get in to move through that.
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  And it was a healthy way of doing it in the park because I
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  must make this point because it's really important when
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  you're going through an abusive relationship to maintain your
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  dignity and respect. Because there was a time when I,
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  I turned into the abuser. Oh, wow, Because I, because of
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  all the, the rage and the humiliation, I ended up being
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  like that. And you must recognise not to do
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  that because there is a time to get that anger in a in a healthy
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  place, You know, go to the park, don't take it out and don't be
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  somebody, turn up to be somebody like your, you know, the abuser.
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  So, so you must recognize not to flip those work roles with the
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  anger and to be able to maintain calmness and peace.
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  Yes, get the anger and frustrations out, but do it in
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  the maybe in the park, you know where it.
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  Can yes, in a healthy way. We're the healthy.
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  Yes, that's right. Yeah.
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  Otherwise, you know, so, so that's a little tip there.
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  Yeah, yes, to to watch, but also another great way is journaling
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  and empty. You know what's going on in my
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  Put it on paper, put it, get it out, get it out of your mind
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  onto the paper. Yeah, Yeah.
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  Very powerful. Yeah.
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  Thank you so much for that. No.
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  And some affirmations, of course.
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  You know, I'm calm, I'm at peace and I can feel this and and
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  still be OK. You know, I can feel angry and I
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  can still be OK. So it's not about never feeling
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  the pain. It's about letting them move
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  through you. As I said, that's important.
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  Yeah. Yes.
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  Because emotional health is physical health.
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  Because when we give our feelings of voice, the body
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  exhales, the tension softens. Yeah.
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  Yeah, it releases. I'm not carrying that weight
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  anymore. You literally feel lighter when
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  you do it. Yeah, and you come home, back
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  home to yourself. Yes.
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  Yeah. That's.
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  It's really important. Yeah.
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  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
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  Yeah. So that's emotional health.
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  I mean, it's just as important. Just as important it is, yeah.
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  Yeah, all connects back. Yes, so good.
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  Thank you so much for that. This is really this space that
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  you are in today has really enabled you to live
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  unapologetically as your truest self.
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  And you're also now have resources where you're helping
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  other women to do that as well. And one of the things I talk a
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  lot about in this unapologetic space is it it really starts
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  with not apologizing for showing up in a room, whether it's your
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  physical words or your countenance, like you know that
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  you deserve to be seen, known and heard.
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  You know that everything else in you are so responsible for
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  yourself, not everyone else. And you stop apologizing for
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  taking up space. You stop apologizing.
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  I, I tell women all the time, I'm like, we as women have to
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  stop living like we're an inconvenience.
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  We are not an inconvenience. We, we have value.
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  It's intrinsic within us. I feel like you've really gotten
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  to this space and that really kind of has opened the door for
• 19:00
  you to become this great resource that you are now.
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  It is that. Do you feel in alignment with
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  that? Was it clear to you right away
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  as you went on your healing journey and came home to you,
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  that you needed to also share this possibility with other
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  women? Yeah, I, I mean, there was a
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  time that I didn't have a voice. I really, I did not have a
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  voice. Yeah, but let alone one that was
• 19:28
  strong enough to talk about it. But through my journey of
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  finding my way back to me, I discovered the power of women
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  supporting women without friends.
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  The only voice I had in my ear was my husband telling me what
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  to do and and that I was stupid. So I believe it is critical for
• 19:58
  women to have at least one good friend.
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  Who knows about their situation and if they're in an abusive
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  situation is helping them find solutions to their current
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  state, current situation. You know, friends are so
• 20:15
  important. They bring connection, they
• 20:17
  bring a belonging and they help to lower your stress.
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  A good friend provides you, you know, with a, a different
• 20:28
  perspective and is there to build your confidence and
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  yourself belief. You know, I had one good friend
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  who saw what I was going through and you know, she sort of held
• 20:41
  up a mirror for me to see the truth and it was.
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  So to me, friendship is sacred and it's, it's really not about
• 20:52
  how how many friends you've got. It's just about that having even
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  1 friend that reminds me, that reminds you that you matter.
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  That's what it's about. Yeah.
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  And that, that changed everything for me.
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  It really changed everything. Yeah.
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  So supporting women, I think it means showing up and listening
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  without judging because we all go through things at our own
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  time, in our own, you know, at our own pace.
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  So it's really about not judging, listening, and just
• 21:28
  being a safe place there for others to land.
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  And yeah, it's also about reminding each other about our
• 21:39
  worth until we believe it ourselves.
• 21:45
  Wow, that's so powerful. And I think we, it, it, it, we
• 21:49
  underestimate that because I think those women that stick by
• 21:53
  us and stay with us it, you know, because I would imagine,
• 21:56
  you know, there was a time and space in the in, in your
• 21:59
  relationship when you were still married where they were having
• 22:03
  to kind of hang in there with you because you weren't maybe
• 22:06
  ready to hear it yet. Absolutely.
• 22:09
  Yeah, you're totally right. And that's what happens.
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  But if they just are there, that you know that you know they're
• 22:17
  there and they are actually the backbone to your path forward.
• 22:24
  Well, that's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.
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  I love that so much. It's such a beautiful picture of
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  women so in community, loving each other well, showing up for
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  each other, that listening. Sometimes you just need somebody
• 22:38
  to be with you and some, you know, I mean it.
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  It's sometimes it's not about what you do or the words you
• 22:45
  say, it's that consistently showing up.
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  Yeah, and being there to walk with you, you know, to pick you
• 22:53
  up, you know, to to help you through it until you can walk
• 22:56
  yourself. Really.
• 22:58
  Yeah. Yeah.
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  That's such a beautiful model of love.
• 23:02
  I love that so much. All right, talk to me about
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  really, as you were able to come, really come back home to
• 23:09
  yourself, you've learned to love yourself well and extend this
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  kindness and, and compassion to yourself.
• 23:15
  What did that tell you and inform you about what your why
• 23:19
  and your values were and how you wanted to live your life moving
• 23:23
  forward. You were no longer living out of
• 23:24
  what somebody else was telling you about you or living out of
• 23:28
  you. Talk to me about that, that
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  realization of oh, wait a minute, this is what I care
• 23:33
  about. This is what I value.
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  This is my I say why according to who I am.
• 23:39
  Yes. Well, I, yeah, it's quite my why
• 23:43
  is quite a personal thing because I do what I do because I
• 23:49
  don't want anybody else to feel as lost and as unloved as I did.
• 23:54
  I think I I'd lived in a world that I had forgotten my values
• 24:00
  and I allowed others to define it for me.
• 24:05
  Coming back to my why, of course it it, it meant remembering who
• 24:10
  I am, what matters to me. Truth, kindness, respect,
• 24:20
  freedom, loyalty. These are the values.
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  And so these are the values that now, they are the compass that
• 24:29
  guide me to everything I do. Yeah, I do what I do.
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  Because once I found my way back to me, I didn't want to keep
• 24:39
  that journey to myself. Because every woman deserves to
• 24:46
  feel comfortable in her own skin, to trust her own voice,
• 24:51
  and to live life like it feels like hers.
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  Not shaped not, not shaped by fear or guilt or survival.
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  So the work I do is to remind women that they're not alone.
• 25:08
  Yeah. That their, you know, their
• 25:10
  stories matter. And no matter how far they've
• 25:16
  drifted from themselves, it's. It's just never too late to come
• 25:20
  home. It took me 17 years.
• 25:22
  It's never too late to come home to yourself.
• 25:26
  Yeah. Yeah, I love that so much.
• 25:29
  You laid that out so beautifully.
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  You got to a point then where you decided I'm living out of my
• 25:34
  own expectations, not others expectations.
• 25:39
  Talk to me about what it was like to communicate that for the
• 25:42
  first time, you made that shift. Yes, well, you had too many
• 25:48
  years. I had met everybody else's
• 25:51
  expectations. You know, I tried to be the
• 25:55
  perfect wife the the mother, you know, as we do according to
• 25:59
  everybody else's rules. But of course, deep down, I was
• 26:03
  crumbling. So living out of my own
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  expectations has been a revolutionary shift.
• 26:15
  Yeah, it meant. And what it meant was asking
• 26:18
  myself, what do I want? Wow.
• 26:22
  Yeah. What brings me peace?
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  What does love look like? For me?
• 26:31
  That's an important one. What does love?
• 26:33
  You know, Because a healthy love.
• 26:36
  You know what a healthy love, a healthy relationship is a place
• 26:40
  of love, of respect, of mutual growth.
• 26:44
  But when abuse is present, it strips away at those foundations
• 26:52
  and leaves you living in survival.
• 26:54
  And it's not love. So I needed to find, OK, So what
• 26:59
  is love? What is a healthy relationship?
• 27:01
  Well, a healthy relationship is freedom.
• 27:05
  It's freedom. It's it's you can set boundaries
• 27:12
  and still be loved. You can make mistakes and you
• 27:16
  can speak your truth. And the most important thing is
• 27:19
  that respect is not negotiable. It is actually the baseline.
• 27:26
  Yeah, But when you've got an abuse, when abuse, what that is,
• 27:34
  is the control replaces the respect.
• 27:39
  Yeah. And instead of safety, you feel
• 27:43
  fit fear instead of the growth. You.
• 27:49
  Shrink, you second guess yourself, you're walking on egg
• 27:54
  shells, and you abandon your needs to keep the peace.
• 28:01
  So that's important to know what it's like.
• 28:05
  And because then I stopped living for approval and I
• 28:10
  actually started living for alignment.
• 28:15
  This is what I thought, how this is what a healthy relationship
• 28:18
  is. And and that is my alignment.
• 28:20
  And while I tell you this important, while this transition
• 28:24
  was messy and uncomfortable at first because it it is, you
• 28:28
  know, because your body's not sure what's going on.
• 28:30
  You used to be in an abusive relationship.
• 28:33
  No. And I'm trying to say to my
• 28:35
  subconscious, I am safe in a healthy relationship.
• 28:38
  That's where I am. I'm safe.
• 28:40
  I'm loved. Yeah.
• 28:43
  This is. Abuse is not love having to say
• 28:48
  it. It's not love.
• 28:50
  This is where love is. So today I I honour who I truly
• 28:55
  am, not who I was told to be. Yes oh, put an exclamation point
• 29:04
  by that that is so good and and I have to believe this is I call
• 29:09
  it layers, but I have to believe this has really LED you to be
• 29:12
  able to embrace your layers, embrace the pieces and parts of
• 29:17
  your story, the ones you love, the ones you don't love and come
• 29:21
  to kind of a a a an acknowledgement of it and a
• 29:25
  contentment. A piece, not a contentment.
• 29:27
  It's probably not a word, but a piece with it where you're no
• 29:29
  longer beating yourself up for it.
• 29:31
  There's no more shame, There's no more fear.
• 29:34
  Talk to me about what it's been like to come home to yourself in
• 29:37
  that way. Yeah, I think that's so
• 29:39
  important. I think healing taught me that
• 29:41
  I'm not one thing, you know? I'm not just a survivor, a
• 29:45
  mother, a teacher, a writer. I'm just layered.
• 29:48
  I'm layered. And I am the woman that once I
• 29:53
  broke down in the bedroom, but now I'm the same woman that
• 29:58
  stands up and I feel empowered. I feel strong.
• 30:02
  Accepting my layered self meant appreciating my journey and all
• 30:07
  the experiences that come with it.
• 30:11
  And it's for me. I love the parts that I when I
• 30:14
  was scared, Yeah, when I was ashamed, when I was silenced.
• 30:19
  And I also celebrate the parts of me that were bold.
• 30:25
  And, you know, I laughed because there was some funny things, you
• 30:29
  know? And I was bold and I was brave
• 30:31
  and I was resilient. Because what happens is our
• 30:35
  layers, they're not flaws. They are evidence of our growth.
• 30:42
  Yeah. Oh, I love that.
• 30:43
  That's so good. Yes, exactly that.
• 30:46
  I love that. That was such a great way of
• 30:48
  describing that. Thank you so much.
• 30:50
  As you have learned to live at, you are living out feel what I
• 30:54
  call feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers.
• 30:57
  You have found that within yourself and you have come to
• 31:01
  this new space and understanding and love for yourself.
• 31:04
  And we've, you've, you've talked about this a little bit already,
• 31:07
  but give me a kind of a, a, a wrapping up of how that is not
• 31:11
  only impacted your relationship with yourself and the healthy
• 31:15
  space that it lives in today, but also your relationships with
• 31:18
  other people. Oh yes, well, it has completely,
• 31:23
  you know, living, finding empowerment and embracing layers
• 31:28
  has completely transformed my relationships.
• 31:32
  You know, when I began, of course, to empower myself, I
• 31:36
  actually stopped tolerating relationships that drain me.
• 31:42
  And once I did that, I attracted the people who were kind and
• 31:46
  uplifting. So embracing layers is helped me
• 31:52
  to actually show up authentically to my true self.
• 31:57
  And it also, when you do that, it actually helps others to do
• 32:00
  the same as well. Yeah.
• 32:04
  It deepened my connection with my daughters and my friends and
• 32:09
  the new people I meet because I no no longer fear that
• 32:13
  vulnerability because I see it as a strength.
• 32:19
  So it's a living out feel. Yeah.
• 32:22
  Living out that feel has allowed me to build relationships
• 32:26
  grounded, grounded in mutual respect and emotional honesty.
• 32:35
  Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what what
• 32:38
  and real lasting love, that's what it helped.
• 32:42
  It's helped me. Yeah, absolutely.
• 32:45
  I love that. And and so you mentioned having
• 32:48
  daughters. What a powerful example you have
• 32:50
  set for them of what's like you don't have to stay stuck.
• 32:54
  You get to shift. You get to own the choices and
• 32:59
  difficult decisions and move forward and heal and and honor
• 33:04
  yourself. Yes, I think that's really
• 33:07
  important. And one thing piece of advice
• 33:09
  that I give to people is don't, don't tell yourself you'll stay
• 33:13
  for the children because all we teach our children in that
• 33:16
  situation is that that love equals abuse.
• 33:22
  And it doesn't, you know what I mean?
• 33:24
  It doesn't. So the and that was one of my
• 33:29
  main motivations of leaving the marriage.
• 33:35
  It was to show my children the importance of self respect.
• 33:41
  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for that.
• 33:44
  Go ahead. Yeah.
• 33:47
  So, so yes, so I think that's important to be the role model
• 33:53
  to Yeah, even though what happened you, they can change it
• 33:58
  and you know, children just want to see you happy.
• 34:01
  They just want to see you happy. So if you focus on yourself, the
• 34:04
  self-care, then that's, then they can see that.
• 34:09
  They can see then how it is important.
• 34:11
  Because every time you honour your needs, you rebuild your
• 34:15
  worth. Every moment you choose
• 34:19
  yourself, you strengthen the belief that you deserve the life
• 34:24
  you are creating. That's what I wanted to show my
• 34:27
  children. That's.
• 34:29
  What I. Have to show the girls.
• 34:31
  I love that. That's so good, such a powerful
• 34:33
  thing. Probably maybe one of the most
• 34:35
  important things that you taught them.
• 34:38
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 34:41
  All right. We are winding down here.
• 34:44
  I've got a few rapid fire questions for you tell.
• 34:50
  Me. Five activities that nourish
• 34:54
  you. OK, well, you know what's going
• 34:57
  to be top on the list? Walking in the park.
• 35:00
  Yeah, because walking in the park, that's one of the most
• 35:03
  powerful tools. During the pivotal days of
• 35:07
  finding my way back to myself, when I felt stuck, numb and
• 35:14
  unsure what to do, I just walked because nature was my quiet
• 35:19
  therapist. It was good for my spirit.
• 35:23
  I think science shows that it lifts your moods, it boosts your
• 35:29
  energy and it enhances your focus So and it still is walking
• 35:37
  is my time sacred place. You know it's my reset button
• 35:43
  and it is my time to come back to myself.
• 35:48
  I. Like that so much?
• 35:51
  Yeah. And it really saved your life,
• 35:55
  honestly. Yes, it did.
• 35:57
  It did. Yeah, it did.
• 35:59
  And I still go there. It's not, it's not like I'm
• 36:01
  always going there because it's a daily commitment. self-care is
• 36:07
  a daily commitment that I matter, that I matter and I'm
• 36:15
  always going back there. Yes, yeah.
• 36:18
  Any other activities? Yes, I'd like to add to that
• 36:21
  list. OK, Yep, I'd say journaling and
• 36:23
  writing because that's the most nourishing practice is writing
• 36:28
  for me. I mean because it gives me, my
• 36:31
  emotions, a place to land. Yeah.
• 36:35
  Yeah, because I I truly believe when we write, we sort of break
• 36:41
  the silence. So yeah, yeah, yes, it was
• 36:46
  painful to write about abuse, to write about betrayal,
• 36:52
  abandonment, but it's also liberating to write about rising
• 37:03
  forgiveness and bringing yourself back to wholeness.
• 37:08
  So yeah, that's another one. Yeah, I love that.
• 37:13
  Yeah, another one. Vision boarding.
• 37:16
  Have you done any vision boarding?
• 37:17
  I have. I have.
• 37:19
  That is a great one. That's creating a vision board
• 37:23
  and it gives you a sense of excitement for the future.
• 37:27
  You know, it's how you bring all your hopes and dreams and
• 37:32
  desires into view. Yeah, Yeah, I think that.
• 37:39
  I think it's a powerful tool that's underutilized.
• 37:41
  Yeah. Yeah, I get to visualize.
• 37:45
  I wake up in the morning, I'll look at my vision board and I
• 37:47
  get to visualize a life that I am building full of love and
• 37:51
  peace. So it's a good idea to get out
• 37:55
  there and put that vision board together.
• 37:56
  And it is very powerful. Very powerful.
• 38:00
  Yeah. So that's and, and also to me, I
• 38:04
  love spending time, spending time with my daughters and my
• 38:10
  puppy. That's what I love to do.
• 38:13
  Oh I love that so good. So I love puppy.
• 38:16
  Yeah. Pets are so good for the soul.
• 38:20
  Yeah, they are, because they're full of conditional love.
• 38:23
  They've got the black love and and they brought joy into the
• 38:26
  home. And, you know, you can be doing
• 38:28
  the silliest things and it you just reminds you how special the
• 38:33
  simple things in life are. Yeah.
• 38:36
  And then there's another activity I love to do is
• 38:41
  facilitating the workshops, helping women find their way
• 38:44
  back to themselves and to. Me.
• 38:47
  That's the most nourishing and satisfying thing I do, yeah.
• 38:52
  Yeah, I love that. That's so good.
• 38:54
  So good. All right, 5 words on how you
• 38:57
  want to feel the next six months.
• 39:01
  Well Melissa, how I feel determines how I live for the
• 39:06
  next 6 months. So how do I want to?
• 39:09
  So now let me think. So this is great.
• 39:11
  So because how do I want to feel?
• 39:13
  Well, I want to feel full of excitement.
• 39:16
  I want to be open to all the possibilities.
• 39:22
  Yeah. I want to be curious as to
• 39:25
  what's next, and I think I want to be brave to say yes.
• 39:31
  Another feeling. I want to feel grateful and I
• 39:33
  want to be deeply aware of all the blessings that I already
• 39:40
  have. I want to feel empowered.
• 39:46
  I want to be strong in my voice and strong in my choices.
• 39:50
  And I want to build this, you know, a strong life.
• 39:53
  That's how I want to feel empowered.
• 39:56
  And I want to feel free. I want to be light and clear and
• 40:04
  just true to myself. That's what I'm yeah.
• 40:07
  And lastly, I want to be alive. I want to wake up.
• 40:12
  I want to wake up in the morning.
• 40:14
  I want to be and I want to be. Wake up in the morning and I
• 40:23
  want to laugh and I want to love fully.
• 40:28
  Wow, that's, I love that you've, you've got me ready to go.
• 40:32
  I, I, your energy is palpable. It really and you're passionate
• 40:37
  and you're, you're, you're so genuinely connected to this.
• 40:41
  Thank you so much for all that you've brought to us today.
• 40:47
  Tell people where they can find you, follow you, work with you,
• 40:51
  get access to your book, all those things.
• 40:52
  And this will also be on our website at embracinglayers.com.
• 40:57
  Thank you, Melissa. Look, people can connect with me
• 41:01
  on amandajscott.com and I've got blogs that they can receive and
• 41:10
  my books on there Finding My Way Back to Me, which is a powerful
• 41:14
  short book. It's not a long book, but it's a
• 41:17
  reminder that we all deserve a kindness and respect.
• 41:22
  And if they want any support, if they want a question to be asked
• 41:26
  or they've got a friend that they're not sure and they're not
• 41:28
  sure what to do, please reach out And I will personally get
• 41:32
  back to you because it's around. It's about helping others,
• 41:35
  helping each other go through this.
• 41:39
  You know, it's, it's a challenging time going through
• 41:42
  an abusive and, and getting yourself back to, to, to
• 41:46
  yourself and bringing yourself back.
• 41:48
  So I am there to help and support.
• 41:51
  If they need anything answered, please please reach out.
• 41:56
  Yeah. All right, Yeah.
• 41:58
  Any last thoughts you'd like to leave with our listeners?
• 42:01
  Today, OK, I think I'll leave you with this one.
• 42:06
  That the truth is you don't need anyone else's permission to call
• 42:12
  it abuse. If it, if it feels wrong, if you
• 42:18
  feel small, if you feel trapped, silenced, or constantly
• 42:26
  questioning your worth, that is enough.
• 42:30
  You don't have to wait for it to get worse.
• 42:33
  Your feelings are valid and your pain is real.
• 42:36
  Because I think sometimes what happens, we think abuse is just
• 42:39
  physical abuse, but it's not. It's the invisible wounds.
• 42:44
  Yeah. It's the emotional ones that
• 42:46
  chip into yourself worth That's. And that is abuse.
• 42:51
  That's still abuse. You don't have to wait for it to
• 42:54
  get worse. Yeah, I love that.
• 42:57
  I think I just want to leave you with that.
• 42:59
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 43:00
  That's very wise insight and it just goes back to that trusting
• 43:04
  yourself, those messages you're getting from yourself, don't let
• 43:08
  anyone diminish those or, you know, minimize them, you know,
• 43:15
  really paying attention to that. That is your that is your first
• 43:18
  clue. Amanda, thank you so much.
• 43:21
  Thank you, Malay. Thank you so much.
• 43:25
  It's been wonderful to be on your show and you're a
• 43:28
  beautiful, beautiful soul. Thank you and thank you and
• 43:32
  hello and bye, bye to everybody out there listening.
• 43:36
  It's been wonderful. Wonderful.
• 43:38
  Yes. Oh, I'm so glad to hear it.
• 43:40
  I'm so grateful for this time with you today.
• 43:43
  Listeners, their resources go to our show notes.
• 43:46
  You're going to learn more about Amanda there in our blog run of
• 43:49
  resources to support you. Or if you're in an abusive
• 43:53
  situation yourself or if you have a loved one that is and
• 43:57
  you're wanting to know how to support them, we've got
• 44:00
  resources for you to support you in that.
• 44:03
  Thank you so much for listening today.
• 44:05
  Thanks again Amanda for. Joining me.
• 44:07
  My pleasure, My pleasure. Take good care of yourselves,
• 44:11
  everybody, and we'll be with you here next time on The Field
• 44:15
  Podcast. Have a great day.
• 44:18
  Hello, and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 44:22
  episode of the Field Podcast. If you would like more
• 44:26
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 44:31
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 44:35
  utilize this feel framework. Go to embracing layers com, fill
• 44:40
  out our contact form and let's set up a free 30 minute
• 44:45
  consultation to talk about how you can start living your most
• 44:50
  authentic, organic, healthy, feel fueled life.
• 44:54
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 44:56
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 45:00
  Podcast.