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Love Is Blind Until The Bank Calls · That Home Loan Hub

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you're thinking about joining accounts with your partner, spouse, your loved one in preparation for living together, this is the episode for you.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Kunch.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Kilda, how are you?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: I did a similar one with James, so I really want to pick your brains on it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Giving our different views and perspective on that.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: How how do you feel about this topic?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for me, committed relationship, joint account is a must.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And at what point did you think, cool, this is the time for us to joint our accounts?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were babies when you got together.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm just like thinking that was a long time ago.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I just celebrated my wedding anniversary yesterday, 14 years, guys.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I guess when you're like serious, you know, like when you're gonna go flatting together.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you go flatting together or start living together, you're gonna have shared expenses, right?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I think at that time would be a good time.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you balance like when one is earning more, one is earning less?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Did you have your own separate accounts on the side as well for your fun money?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we have separate accounts still, our wages still go into our separate accounts.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then we transfer it into our joint account that goes and pays the mortgage and things like that.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And did you have similar money values?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, yes.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I tend to like to spend a little bit more though than my husband does, but yeah, he gets his pocket money, poor dude.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I guess it's because I'm in finance, I've been in finance since we've been together, sort of thing.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So he's always trusted me to manage our funds.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So it's probably slightly different than what majority of relationships other relationships, but yeah, I literally, although he has his own account, I have authority on it as well.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can see what he's up to.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because what made me think is I was listening to this book, and she's talking about money values, and she's talking about how sometimes, you know, often actually, a lot of us have different money personalities, and we have money different money values.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: One could be a spender, one could be a saver.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And when you put them together and when they try to join their accounts, this is where a lot of relationships start to have issues, for instance.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: But also when you go through life changes, like for instance, if someone has a baby and has to stay at home and not earning any more money, and if you know he's earning all the money and she doesn't get to spend it the way she wants to spend because that's his money.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, how do you navigate all those life challenges?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's quite an interesting one for me because it's also it's not even about household or not, it's it's a personal thing.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like money management is quite a personal thing, and each individual see yeah, views and values it all differently.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I I've just been quite lucky that my husband views it, we view it the same.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I do spend a lot more than he would, but uh the spending is all for the family anyway.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like it's for the household.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't go out and buy things for me or splurge on me or anything like that.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Gucci handbags, no, absolutely not.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to though, maybe one day.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, one day I might get a Gucci if he surprises me, but no, because that you know, those funds for Gucci bear goes towards my dream home or something else.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, is how I value my money, and as you say, it will benefit the family.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like you're you're going out all the time spending on whatever you want, whatever you're spending is you're thinking of your family and how to do better for your family.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but this is where it gets interesting, right?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the reason I started thinking about it as well, we had a couple recently that were applying for a mortgage.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: They just got married, they still had separate accounts, and when they applied, the loan was initially declined because of the way the mister was spending.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And Mrs.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: didn't know about it.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but then because they got married, she's like, Cool, let's sit down, let's look at our finances, let's see how we can join accounts, how we can do this, that, that.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And she realized quickly that his spending was not aligned with her values.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: So they had to have a very difficult and serious conversation to the point where she rang me and she's like, I think we're gonna break up.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, You can't do that.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you just got married.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's talk through this.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let's I I guess this is where I think you do it when you, you know, start flating or something together, so then you know, like don't find out later after you put a ring on it.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what got me thinking is that a lot of people dive head in first, get married, and then decide to then join their finances and then discover that hold on a second, that does not align with me and where I'm going.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And here is where the crossroads happen.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: You either decide, cool, going forward, these are my values, these are your values.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: How can we bring them together to find an even ground?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: So then I'm not squashed and you're not squashed, and how can we go forward as a family?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you're really struggling and then you head to head, and this is something you can not absolutely agree on, then this is a material for your marriage couple counseling, I would assume.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, definitely joint account, start you know, your money management patterns together earlier in a relationship than later on.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's a secret for a successful marriage long term, successful recipe, because if you think about it, money is the only constant that with us throughout the whole life, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: We always need money for from when you're just flating to pay the joint flat bills to when you get married.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what sort of marriage do you want to have?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to splurge all your savings on a wedding, or do you actually want to save that as a house deposit?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Then on to the honeymoon.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, do you want to have a crazy honeymoon or can you incorporate and into something else?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then from there onwards, you're going, okay, what's our you know, vision for the next five to ten years once we have babies?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do we want to build a house?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do we want to have a holiday home somewhere else?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: What sort of retirement do we want to have?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and if you cannot agree on the absolute basic things that are gonna be with you for the rest of your life, then you really gotta question, you know, is this going to last long term?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because we have seen a lot of couples break up, and usually those breakups are the nasty ones when people don't agree when they're married on money, and when they separate, it's even worse, it's even worse.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: So think about it when you're in love, think about it when you are you know still good with each other on good terms, discuss the heavy topics when you're on good terms.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like discussing having a baby, it's kind of like you know, having a baby is also a correlation to your finances because one of you will have to go on maternity leave and you will have one income.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So is it's healthy to talk about it early.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I do find that a lot of people don't talk about their money outright, like people don't share their salary, or people don't, yeah, they just don't talk about it.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a taboo subject.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And often what I see now, now that I'm separated, I'm in this cycle where I see a lot of separated people my age, right?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: 30s, 40s, this is where a lot of people separate, and then they go on to the second marriages.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: And by that stage, one of you might have more assets than the other.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And again, this is another important stage of life where you have to discuss: hey, this is what I'm bringing into the relationship, this is what you're bringing.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: How can we protect ourselves?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because we know that things sometimes don't last forever.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, sometimes we do go through breakups, and although we love each other now, in five years' time it might be a different story.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do we do there?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, I think that's also important to understand you know, how soon do you want to join your finances, especially when it comes to definitely a bigger topic in itself, and I I think that's another worthy episode.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny because see, James took me on a completely different tangent in terms of when you're on the other side and when you want to start thinking about separate accounts.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: So you had joint accounts together from the start while the kids are little, and now that the kids are grown up, yeah, and you know, she wants to do this and he wants to do that, and then they can't agree on things, and maybe this is the time to separate accounts, still be together as a couple, but maybe separate accounts to do their own things.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I have my separate and our joint.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a really cool way to do it.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's a really cool way to do it, but again, like everyone will have a completely different situation, so definitely talk to each other and talk to a financial advisor to get that extra financial therapy.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that is it is therapy as well.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Going forward, I am positioning myself as a financial therapist.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome, conch.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Any final um thoughts?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, beautiful.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: You did well.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Goodbye.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.