Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Empowering Women Through Financial Confidence with Maria Mai

Transcript

Empowering Women Through Financial Confidence with Maria Mai · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

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  When I started loving myself, I also saw all the great qualities
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  about me came from them. And so yeah.
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  And so that's why I'm able to get to a place now where me
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  loving myself allows me to love my parents because they gave me
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  those good qualities too. But I I think me hating myself
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  was a reflect me. Me hating my parents was a
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  reflection of me hating myself. Hello, Welcome back today to The
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  Field Podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Crook.
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  I'm here with a new friend today.
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  And she and I met, gosh, at the time we're recording, it's been
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  about a month ago. By the time this drops, it'll be
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  about four months. And we met in Southern
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  California at a conference that I spoke at put on by our good
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  friend Lori Curries. And Maria and I just hit it off.
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  She she came up to me after I had spoken that day and just
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  started having a chat and asking questions and, and just getting
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  to know each other. And then she reached out and to
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  see if we could have a follow up call and, and we talked more and
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  learned more about each other. And I was like, you know, you'd
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  be a great guest on our platforms, in our panels, on our
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  podcasts. Can I send you some information?
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  And she, I'm so excited to hear see that she's hap, you know,
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  happily with me today, and I'm excited about the ways that
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  we'll be able to collaborate moving forward.
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  She Maria describes herself as caring, genuine, ambitious and
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  loving. Maria Bai, welcome to the Field
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  podcast. Yeah, Melissa, thanks for
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  having. Me you are.
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  You are so welcome and I should have done this before we started
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  recording. Did I say your last name
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  correctly? Maria Ma Yes.
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  I did OK, perfect. I should have done that before.
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  I didn't do that. I always like to be make sure of
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  that. Melissa Crook.
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  I've been called Melissa Cook my whole life.
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  No one wants me to be a crook. I'm just like, I know it sounds
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  funny, but you know, that's what I am.
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  So I. Always like to check.
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  In on that. OK, my friend, you are, you
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  exude a very genuine way about you, a very authentic presence
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  and confident presence. And I love seeing that,
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  especially because you know, you, you and I are not the same
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  age. I mean, and, and you're, you're
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  about the age of my oldest daughter.
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  And so when I see that kind of confidence and exusion and
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  excitement about wanting to know more, learn more, have
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  resources, give resources, share resources, I get so excited
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  about that because it, it gives me hope for what's to come.
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  I think it represents so much of what your generation is about.
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  So I'm excited to hear what you have to say because I, you have
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  a story and, and, and we learned more about that as you and I
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  were discussing things and getting to know each other.
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  But I want to start with how you prioritize self-care in your
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  life and what has that journey been like for you?
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  I also want to say thank you so much for the compliment.
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  It is a reflection of I think you're positive energy.
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  So I want to say thank you for that.
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  And when it comes to self-care, I have always been really bad at
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  it for me to be confident. I'm glad that you said it
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  because I had the lowest self esteem all of my life.
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  It was pretty much in the gutter all of my life, maybe up until
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  5:00-ish years, years ago when I started actively working on it,
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  but and, and prioritizing self-care.
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  I think the, the reason why I decided to do that, first of
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  all, deciding to prioritize self-care is whenever you have a
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  problem, usually a physical problem, mental problem, and you
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  break down and you're like, well, I should probably fix
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  this, you know, or work on it. So it was the times when I've
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  cried so many times about failing and, and when I the only
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  reason why I cry about failing is because I'm beating myself,
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  myself up for failing. Because if I fail and I didn't
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  beat myself up, then it's fine. But I am like, yeah, I'm like
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  the most. This might sound extreme, but I
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  think it's very accurate. I am verbally abusive to myself.
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  And this has been that way all my life.
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  I verbally abuse myself to success.
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  But that is not a sustainable way to live, you know, and not
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  in a very sad and rough way to live.
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  And so with all of those internal battles happening and I
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  saw I had a like a problem, I decided to seek professional
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  help because I, I can talk to my friends and family all day and
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  they are helpful and it is helpful.
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  But in my opinion, like it can only go so far.
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  And that's why there are professionals.
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  So I did see a therapist. I saw at one point in my life, I
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  had two therapists and two support groups like almost per
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  week. Yeah.
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  So I was actively working on it. And now I'd say to continue to
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  prioritize it 1st. I go to a support group still
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  every week so that helps. I try to meditate almost every
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  day. I am now aware of the negative
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  thoughts I have in my head, so I try to respond to the negative.
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  Thoughts. Yeah.
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  And I, I, I don't care too much to work out, but I do think
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  working out as a form of self-care and self love because
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  we all know it's healthy for us. But like, I think you have to
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  care about yourself to do it. Yeah, yes and yes.
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  And I've, you know, when I speak in person at conferences, I'd
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  lead with that piece of it because what I've realized in
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  doing this is we prioritize what we value.
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  And if we don't recognize our value, we won't, it'll be the
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  first thing to come off our calendar, you know, which yes,
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  comes up. We're the first one to go.
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  Yes. Yeah, and also your
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  acknowledgement of the verbal abuse.
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  I'm thank you for putting words to that because so many women
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  and girls are verbally abusive to themselves and we don't see
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  it that way. But think about if you said
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  those things to someone else, to your friend, to your sister, to
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  your mom, to your Co worker, to your neighbor, you would be like
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  that's verbal abuse. But yet when we do it to
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  ourselves, but it's that recognition of that and calling
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  it out. We can't do anything about it
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  until we're a call it out and are aware of it.
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  Yes, yeah. And I, I, I think when I say
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  that people think I sound extreme, like oh, Maria is
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  really mean to herself. I honestly think the level I
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  mean to myself is pretty average.
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  I think I'm just aware of it and other people aren't.
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  They don't. They haven't put it in 2 words
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  the the them beating themselves up because maybe it conforms
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  into words yet. But once you conform it into
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  words, then you can reply to it. Yeah.
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  And you can't, you can't adjust things or heal things that you
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  don't acknowledge. I mean, and we do this so
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  subconsciously we don't even know we're doing it.
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  I mean, one of the things this came up for me, and when I first
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  started in therapy, and I've told the story a few times, but
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  my therapist was like, how was yourself talk?
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  I'm like, it's pretty, you know, pretty good.
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  I mean. Right.
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  Yeah. I mean, I like myself.
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  I mean, yeah, I'm hard on myself when I make mistakes and the
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  bumpy things that I've been through, but myself talks pretty
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  good. She goes, all right, I I want
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  you. She kind of laughed exactly like
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  that. She's like, so I I, I want you
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  just out of curiosity. I would like you to track it
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  this week. Fine.
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  OK, whatever. Oh, my gosh.
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  When I started tracking and I was like, oh, and we
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  underestimate the number we do on ourselves with that.
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  We really underestimate that. And if you getting a handle on
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  it now versus waiting till you're 50 like I was, is huge.
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  And it's such a huge portion of this.
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  Did you have a particular? Because you know, this is not
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  uncommon. We get scripts as little girls
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  at in general. And you and I talked about this
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  before we met. You get scripts as little girls
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  in general. And then there's all these other
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  layers to our lives. But you know, in terms of
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  communities, you come from socioeconomic backgrounds, faith
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  spaces, ethnicities, women of color, whatever, you know, how
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  you identify, there's so many layers, you know, to wet to to
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  feed into these narratives that we already get as a the overall
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  collective as women and little girls about how we're supposed
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  to show up in the world, expectations, what's
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  appropriate, what's not appropriate.
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  Do you think that fed into this early self talk that started for
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  you? And also, what is it that got
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  your attention that this was a problem?
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  Yeah, I for sure think that it happened.
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  You know what? I when I was talking to my other
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  like life coach, she was like, hey, I feel I'm sensing
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  something about your mom. And I was like, that's weird
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  because I have a great relationship with my mom and I
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  love her, so I know what you're talking about.
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  But then I thought about it and I realized that I learned how to
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  hate myself from her and not that she was mean to me, that
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  she was mean to herself. And I'm a little girl watching
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  that. Like she she would say like, oh,
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  I'm so dumb, I'm so stupid. But like you like, that's
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  embedded, you know, like not only you, but your children.
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  So that. So that's how me, my sister and
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  my mom, we all all, all like that.
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  Yeah. So.
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  So I think definitely parents and if you don't heal from that,
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  then your kids are going to take on that trauma.
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  And it's, and she was saying too, like, it's not my moms,
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  it's my grandma, you know, my grandparents and.
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  Grandparents Generation. Yes, generational trauma.
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  And so I'll pass down all the way to us.
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  And if we don't heal from it, it's getting passed on to our
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  kids whether we want it or not, it's happening.
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  So but yeah, there was a moment for sure.
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  I think this is probably one of the most life changing moments
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  when it comes to like my self esteem.
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  So when I first in the first few years I was a financial advisor,
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  I'll say the first few months as a financial advisor, there's
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  like weekly goals that I need to hit and I've been hitting it and
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  there was one week where I didn't hit it and and no one was
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  mad at me. No one yelled at me except me.
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  Yeah. I cried for two days straight
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  for not hitting a weekly goal. OK, a weekly goal.
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  And then when I reflected on that, I was like, well,
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  obviously I have a problem. So I called my, someone I knew
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  that did like life coaching or mental health work.
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  And I called her just crying about it.
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  And then I started working with her and she's like licensed
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  professional. I don't know all the licenses,
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  you know, but she, she works in that space.
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  And I realized at that time I had a huge perfectionist problem
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  because if I don't hit the goal every that I am a failure and I
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  suck. I shouldn't even do this.
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  I'm just like the worst person in the world if I don't hit this
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  goal once, you know? So that and I think the
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  extremity of crying for two days for not hitting a weekly goal
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  and no one, no one in my office like cared like they didn't
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  mind, like it's fine and I'm just it's.
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  Human, hey. Yeah.
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  And so so at that moment I started working on my
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  perfectionism and it's so interesting, like perfectionism
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  and high achievement is a reflection of low self.
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  Esteem. Isn't that interesting how those
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  two come together? And it's so it's like, and when
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  you stop and think about that and you start looking around at
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  the women, you know, and the people you work with and who
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  you're surrounded by your generations before you're like,
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  oh, yeah, I mean, I mean it. But it's again, it's that
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  awareness. And what I look, what you're
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  doing is you're doing exactly that.
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  You're breaking these generational cycles.
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  No one meant to do any harm. But it's, you know, as little
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  kids, we're, we learn by what we see, what we and, and as you
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  know, same with, you know, my kids, they've learned what they
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  see, what they hear. And so the best of intentions,
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  if you don't realize what you're doing is unhealthy and you're
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  doing it. So subconsciously it's just
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  going to naturally carry on. So it takes somebody seeing
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  like, oh, whoops, no, no, this will not continue.
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  So, so good on you for getting on that and realizing that
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  because it takes a while to when you're so used to it.
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  It's one thing to be used to it then, but I, you said something
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  earlier that's really important when it does happen.
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  You going back and reframing that language, it was like, I am
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  not stupid. This thing that happened may
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  have been unfortunate. I don't want it to happen again,
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  but I am not stupid. And sometimes it's even, well,
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  gosh, that thing that happened, that choice that I made was not
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  the best or not the healthiest, but it's not AI.
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  It's like, oh, I'm so stupid. Oh, that thing I did, probably
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  not the smartest, but it's you change the way the framework
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  that you, you as in so it doesn't become your identity.
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  I mean, and I that's why it's so important.
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  That's why I'm so grounded in introducing guests by their
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  character traits. That's who you are.
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  You're caring, you're genuine, you're ambitious, you're loving,
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  You will build a life and make decisions out of that.
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  Sometimes they won't go your way, but they're just decisions
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  and choices that you've made. They're not your identity and
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  who you are. So that clarification on that so
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  good. Thank you so much for that.
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  All right, confidently setting boundaries.
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  When you realize these things are happening in your life, all
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  of a sudden there becomes a realization of like, OK, I, you
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  know, and valuing myself and value in my time and valuing who
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  I surround myself with, who I give my time to both personally
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  and professionally because, you know, you're in the financial
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  world. That's still a world that is
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  dominated more by men than women.
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  And, and then there's, you know, so there's a lot of pressure
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  there. And it's, it can be really hard
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  to like stay true to who you are and not let those pressures suck
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  you in to again, that perfectionism and becoming,
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  living out of someone else's expectations, which we'll get
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  into later. So boundaries play a really
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  important key component of this because we've, I've seen people
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  knocking them fresh out of college, working 80 hours a
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  week, just knocking themselves out in this world because of the
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  kind of pressure and, and there's like, that's not
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  sustainable. You cannot continue like that.
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  And, and, and the environment sometimes that you're in can be
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  really unhealthy. You've been able to find a
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  healthy environment and we've talked about that, But but talk
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  to me about your boundaries journey in as you've learned
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  these things. Yeah, with the finance industry,
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  it is all male dominated. But the cool thing I want to
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  note is that I think it's a huge advantage that I'm a female
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  because most women, not all women, but I would say most
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  women want to talk to another woman when it comes to money.
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  So honestly, I feel like it's like a very big advantage.
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  And then when it comes to boundaries, it's something that
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  I'm so really working on, like I need to stop at a certain time,
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  you know, and I've been working at that, but it's still really
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  hard because I still want to like, you know, grind and
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  hustle. And I feel like that's a very
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  male masculine kind of energy. But I also have heard that the
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  feminine energy just relaxing and receiving, you can achieve
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  more like which it's just so opposite of what we're taught,
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  you know, like grinding and suffering and dying is how you
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  get to success, you know, but. It's just saying it out loud and
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  sounds. Terrible, yeah.
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  But like I, I'm learning and it's hard to believe.
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  I'm learning apparently that self love and self forgiveness
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  and self-care is actually what leads to success.
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  And it's hard again to believe because I, that's the opposite
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  of what I was taught. But it, the nice thing is that
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  if that is true, that's a great way to succeed, you know, versus
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  like hating yourself or like loving yourself.
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  So I'm I'm still working on boundaries and I do believe too
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  that boundaries is a reflection of how much you care about
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  yourself. Exactly, because there's just
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  things you have non negotiables, you know, and you have things
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  that you just won't tolerate anymore in terms of how you use
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  your time, what you say yes and no to.
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  Would you say that's become true for you?
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  Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah.
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  And when you've got those things identified, then it's like.
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  Then it becomes clearer and clearer all the time, like.
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  Oh. OK, so that's where I need to
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  communicate that or that's where I just need to draw that line in
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  the sand and and be very clear about it and communicating them
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  too. I think it's one thing to set
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  them, then we have to communicate them.
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  And when people aren't used to us showing up in that way, that
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  can be an adjustment on the other side too.
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  Have you had that experience at all?
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  I think not too much in my work life and as a business owner, I
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  get to choose whatever, you know.
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  So I, I would say the only thing is that if I talk to somebody
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  and I feel like the energy isn't there or their values are not
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  aligned, then I will choose to not have them as a client.
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  And I think especially in the beginning as an advisor, we want
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  to bring in everybody. We want to help everybody.
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  But, but now I, I'm actually getting very particular about
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  who I help and it's just people that I have a good connection
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  with. And, and it's hard to describe,
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  but like good energy because I want to like, like being
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  successful is great, but like having fun doing it is like even
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  better. And I want to talk to people
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  that I like and I appreciate have the same values.
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  And when we talk, it's like energy is like bigger, you know,
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  because we are connecting so much.
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  So I am starting to create more boundaries when it comes to the
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  energy that I feel between people.
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  I love that. I love that too.
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  And especially when you're because you really you love
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  serving women and and that has been, you know, you're very
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  passionate about that women understanding finances and which
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  is such a key component of this. So being able to make that can
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  be, Yeah, you just know when you know how to listen to yourself,
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  when you learn how to trust your instincts and and then it really
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  does become like, OK, yeah, that one's going to work, that one.
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  Maybe not. I can refer them to somebody
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  else that might be a better fit for them.
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  But yeah, being able to make those distinctions.
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  So good. Thank you for that.
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  Taking care of our emotional health, mental health, physical
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  health, spiritual health, I mean, all of these components.
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  You really? Addressed that earlier when we
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  were talking about the self-care piece.
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  But talk to me about the impact those things had for you when
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  you realized, I guess when you, when it became clear to you, oh,
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  there's a connection here and I need to address this.
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  I think interestingly, like mental health, I started working
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  on that when I started crying all the time, you know, and it's
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  like having like anxiety and like depressive episodes and
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  then also seeing it in other people, like people that I love,
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  for them to be sad makes me really sad.
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  So I really cared about theirs and then I realized that I have
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  that too, you know, and that you're seeing it in other
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  people, then it's just a reflection of you.
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  So like you have it, if you see it, you got it.
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  Yeah. So I've actually worked on my
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  mental health for the last 9 plus years.
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  So a lot of my adult life after college and I actually kind of
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  neglected physical health because mental health, I thought
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  that was like the most important thing ever.
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  My spiritual and physical health was like non existent.
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  But I think I, I guess I started coming across a lot of people
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  who are spiritual and then I was aware of the lack of, I don't
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  know, spiritual health that I had.
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  And now, like, I think spiritual health is like the thing I'm
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  working on the most when it comes to physical health.
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  I think like, since we all know we need to like move every day.
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  Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.
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  So I, it's just knowing that, but then finally doing it, I
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  remember I went on a run and I don't like running.
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  I don't like running, but I will do it and I'm running and I was
• 22:04
  like, wow, like me running means I care about myself because you
• 22:08
  don't like do it, but you know, it's good for you.
• 22:10
  So you do it. Like that's the self-care, you
• 22:14
  know? But it's just, I think once you
• 22:16
  Start learning to care about yourself, then I feel like
• 22:18
  you're going to start seeking ways to be healthy in all those
• 22:22
  areas, you know? Yeah, absolutely.
• 22:24
  And you make, you know, you got to find those things that work
• 22:26
  for you too. I mean, I think it's the IT in
• 22:29
  it, but it's that value piece. Like because I value myself, I
• 22:33
  will invest the time in finding that thing that connects with me
• 22:37
  and do that thing that I know is healthy for me.
• 22:39
  That's such a key component. I'm so glad you brought that
• 22:42
  back in. All right, You do this really
• 22:46
  like this is really a part of who you are in your work and it
• 22:50
  goes into you showing up for yourself unapologetically, which
• 22:54
  you've talked about a lot already, but also showing up for
• 22:57
  other women unapologetically for me.
• 23:00
  The work you're doing in finances, the passion you have
• 23:03
  about women, knowing about this is a component of that.
• 23:07
  So talk to me about this unapologetic piece for you.
• 23:11
  Yeah. And I would say when it comes to
• 23:13
  finance, I never even noticed that I was one of the few women
• 23:18
  that talk about it until my best friend brought it up.
• 23:20
  Because when I started learning how to invest on my own like 9
• 23:23
  years ago, my yeah, I was talking to every single person
• 23:28
  that I talked to. I talked to them about finance.
• 23:30
  And then my best friend was like, you know, you're the only
• 23:34
  female I know that's talking about this.
• 23:37
  And I was like, and I thought back of everyone I talked to and
• 23:40
  they were all male. And so I was like, and then and
• 23:45
  so many aspects to like the wealth gap is so real.
• 23:49
  And you know what, everyone knows about it and it's still
• 23:52
  there. The Bureau of Labor Statistics
• 23:56
  says that women are paid 20% less.
• 23:58
  So if a man is paid 100,000, a woman is paid 80,000 for the
• 24:02
  same work. And you know, we do better work.
• 24:04
  And more work than that. You know well your expectations
• 24:08
  are different. You have to work harder to prove
• 24:10
  yourself. Right, right.
• 24:13
  And so I was like, that is so unfair.
• 24:14
  And I actually had that experience myself.
• 24:17
  So whenever I got a job, this one job that I got offered, the
• 24:24
  person before me that had that job, he had the exact same
• 24:27
  experience as me. He went through the same
• 24:29
  program. We literally supervised the
• 24:31
  exact same people and his pay was 10 grand more than my pay
• 24:36
  starting out in that same yeah. And and so I addressed it and
• 24:41
  luckily the company that I was working with, I don't know about
• 24:43
  luckily, but I adjusted and then they they fixed it.
• 24:46
  Not all the way honestly, but I I spoke out about it.
• 24:50
  And I think that's also what like my natural does, like
• 24:56
  passion for finance and also the fact that there's a huge wealth
• 24:59
  gap, not only wealth gap, but financial literacy gap again,
• 25:02
  because women don't talk about it amongst each other exactly,
• 25:05
  just creates the gap even more. And so, yeah, I'm very
• 25:08
  passionate about helping women understand finances more and
• 25:12
  also setting them up to where they can feel confident about
• 25:16
  everything they're doing when it comes to money.
• 25:18
  Because a lot of people times when I call people or call
• 25:21
  women, they're like, oh, my husband handles that.
• 25:23
  And I was like, that's fine. But like it's not guaranteed
• 25:27
  that he's going to help you forever, you know?
• 25:29
  And, and I actually had a Co worker who works at the firm and
• 25:35
  she, she's, I don't know, like maybe in her 50s.
• 25:41
  And she told me she's like my husband worked on it.
• 25:44
  And then we got divorced and I knew nothing.
• 25:45
  I don't like, she was just in a bad financial situation because,
• 25:50
  yeah. And then they got a divorce.
• 25:52
  And hopefully no one here gets a divorce, you know?
• 25:54
  But but the reality that, like, your husband's not going to
• 25:57
  always be there to help you with this.
• 26:00
  And it's very empowering to learn to do it yourself so that
• 26:03
  if something does happen that you're not stressed the F out
• 26:07
  about what? To do right, because that's
• 26:09
  going to be stressful enough. So having that informant and
• 26:12
  resource already knowing how to do it.
• 26:15
  Yeah, right, right, yeah, divorce or whatever happened to
• 26:18
  a you and your husband not together anymore.
• 26:20
  I'm sure that moment has is very stressful already.
• 26:22
  So like adding a layer of like, I don't know what what happened
• 26:25
  with my with my finances all my life, you know, Yeah.
• 26:30
  So that's really big. And I was thinking about like,
• 26:33
  if I would do this, if I was a millionaire, would I do this
• 26:37
  job? And I absolutely would.
• 26:41
  Like, I love helping people on their finances, teaching them
• 26:45
  and helping them implement these things.
• 26:47
  And then I thought about if my husband was a millionaire, would
• 26:52
  I still do this job? And I would, I would.
• 26:56
  I feel a sense of purpose and I feel very valued doing the kind
• 27:00
  of work that I do. So I'm pretty much going to do
• 27:03
  this for the rest of my life. I don't see myself doing
• 27:05
  anything else. Yeah, yeah.
• 27:08
  Even if I had all the money in the world, like this is how I
• 27:10
  want to impact people. I love that so much and that's
• 27:14
  going to be so powerful because you're going to be able to
• 27:17
  support other women that come in the industry.
• 27:20
  You're going to be able to, you know, be a voice in the room
• 27:22
  when maybe they're trying to find their way.
• 27:24
  There's just so many ways you can support in that and being
• 27:28
  connected with that thing that lights you up and gets every you
• 27:32
  up every morning, it's so good for your health.
• 27:34
  Yes, yes, if you can feel it so. Yes, they can sense the energy
• 27:40
  absolutely so and another facet of this unapologetic piece is we
• 27:45
  as women are the over apologizing champions of the
• 27:49
  world is that you were the winner.
• 27:52
  Oh my gosh. I mean, if there were anything
• 27:54
  Olympic sport, we would win the great every single time and
• 27:57
  silver and box. And So what is so?
• 28:01
  Is that something that you've had to unlearn?
• 28:04
  Yeah. And I don't, I think I
• 28:07
  definitely had like I'm sorry and I am more aware of it.
• 28:10
  I'm working on not saying I'm sorry for everything, but I
• 28:14
  would say it wasn't super pivotal.
• 28:16
  I'd say the more the thing that I need to work on, the thing I
• 28:22
  need to work on most was like myself, esteem.
• 28:24
  But in terms of apologizing, I am, I am aware of it and
• 28:28
  actively trying to, yeah, if I am going to say sorry, it's like
• 28:31
  really? Because I'm sorry.
• 28:32
  But I'm not. It's actually something you
• 28:34
  should be sorry for. Right.
• 28:36
  But I'm not going to be sorry for and oh, and another thing
• 28:39
  I've been working on too is like when I'm late, you know, I think
• 28:42
  everyone's like, oh, I'm sorry for being late.
• 28:45
  But then I heard you could flip it and say thank you for being
• 28:50
  patient for me, thank you for waiting for me, thank you for
• 28:53
  being flexible. And now I instead of sorry, I
• 28:56
  replaced it with thank you. And it brings the good quality
• 28:59
  back to that person who did wait and then they feel.
• 29:02
  Good. And then you and then you feel
• 29:05
  empowered. Yeah, because sometimes they're
• 29:07
  not even thinking about you apologizing and then and then
• 29:11
  you plant that. I, I love that so much because
• 29:14
  there's so many. You change the language on that,
• 29:17
  traffic happens, life happens, the alarm doesn't go off or the
• 29:21
  meeting runs along. There's so many things that
• 29:24
  we're into, but and it just those little things that we say
• 29:27
  to ourselves and those little ways because we're also sending
• 29:30
  a message to the people we say it to that we know that we are
• 29:35
  valuing time, that we know we are deserve to be seen, known
• 29:39
  and heard in the room. That's one of the first things
• 29:41
  that I talked to college students that I work with about.
• 29:44
  It was like, don't ever walk in A room to ask your boss
• 29:49
  something, your professor something while you're still
• 29:51
  whatever it is leading with. I'm sorry, but never say excuse
• 29:56
  me or how it would be so great if I could have a bit of your
• 30:00
  time. Thank you so much.
• 30:02
  Because that just and it changes your demeanor when you use that
• 30:06
  language. It really your whole physical
• 30:08
  presence is different. You're not.
• 30:10
  I'm sorry. You know, I mean, it's just a
• 30:11
  different and that body language matters.
• 30:15
  Yeah, absolutely. So good.
• 30:18
  Thank you so much for that. All right, the importance, and
• 30:21
  we've touched on this a little bit already, but the importance
• 30:25
  of setting and coming back to your why and your values and
• 30:29
  everything you do, you have a very clear purpose and what
• 30:33
  you're doing. When did you know that this was
• 30:36
  your thing? So I would say my first why has
• 30:41
  always been my parents. And culturally when it comes to
• 30:46
  finances, the children is are is the retirement plan for the
• 30:53
  parents. And so I grew up knowing that I
• 30:55
  would need to financially support my parents in the
• 30:58
  future. And I am happy to do it, but
• 31:01
  there is a lot of pressure. And so if I'm going to have to
• 31:04
  support more than just myself that I need to make sure my
• 31:07
  finances are good. And that's why like everything I
• 31:13
  did on and have done and continue to do, it's honestly
• 31:17
  been for my parents and I am very grateful for them.
• 31:21
  This makes it sound like my relationship with them is great,
• 31:23
  and it is. But it wasn't always that way.
• 31:26
  I did to some of my parents for six years and I needed that time
• 31:32
  apart. And you know what's fascinating?
• 31:34
  I want to share this story. When I was learning about myself
• 31:38
  and being more self aware, there were so many things I hated
• 31:41
  about me. And you know, the things I hated
• 31:44
  about me. I saw it in my parents, yeah.
• 31:49
  And then I blamed them for giving me these bad qualities.
• 31:55
  But then when I started loving myself, I also saw all the great
• 32:01
  qualities about me came from them.
• 32:05
  And so. Yeah.
• 32:07
  And so that's why I'm able to get to a place now or me loving
• 32:11
  myself allows me to love my parents because they gave me
• 32:17
  those good qualities too. But I I think me hating myself
• 32:20
  was a reflect me. Me hating my parents was a
• 32:23
  reflection of me hating myself. And I just saw so many qualities
• 32:28
  that I had from them. You know, the things that I love
• 32:31
  about myself now that I've learned to love myself, I, I
• 32:36
  love about them too. And so now I'm in a place where
• 32:39
  I have a really good relationship with them.
• 32:42
  They don't trigger me nearly as much as they used to, but they
• 32:45
  are my, they're like, they were my initial reason why.
• 32:49
  And then I think as I was continuing on this career, like
• 32:55
  seeing how I can positively impact people on the financial
• 32:58
  side, I felt very valued and very fulfilled about helping
• 33:02
  people. And because my focus is women
• 33:05
  and people of color and I think in general, like the financial
• 33:10
  wealth, right, is lagging in both of in a diverse community.
• 33:14
  And absolutely I want to, I want to help bring that up and I like
• 33:18
  that I can. So I think my why has become
• 33:21
  more of a how do I positively impact society?
• 33:26
  So I think that lately has been my driver and I did hire an
• 33:30
  assistant last year and she's the most amazing person and I
• 33:35
  don't think I can do this job without her.
• 33:38
  But I I work hard to pay her. Yeah, absolutely.
• 33:43
  And my goal, my old goal was for me to make 6 figures, but now my
• 33:49
  new goal is to pay her six figures.
• 33:53
  I love, I love that so much because I love it because I love
• 33:57
  where it comes from, because so many times we have these goals
• 34:01
  financially, but it's the why behind them that can be the
• 34:06
  problem or the thing that catches us.
• 34:08
  Yours is so authentically tied to you.
• 34:10
  It's so authentically to tied to changing generational
• 34:14
  narratives, creating spaces for generational wealth to be built
• 34:20
  up where it hasn't been present before.
• 34:22
  Because of these these narratives that have happened
• 34:25
  with people who have immigrated here and not having the history
• 34:29
  here and the systems are in place that have held them back
• 34:32
  from being able right to achieve that.
• 34:35
  So it's such AI love that so much.
• 34:38
  Thank you for sharing that for those insights on your family,
• 34:41
  because I think you point out a, a really important piece there
• 34:44
  and it, it only comes from doing your own healing is we can grow
• 34:49
  up in these spaces and experience these things that
• 34:53
  have really, really harmful impacts on us.
• 34:57
  And those things are true. Even if the the parents were
• 35:01
  doing the best we could, it doesn't change the fact that
• 35:04
  those narratives still did harm. When you, when you get to
• 35:08
  adulthood, it then becomes your responsibility to deal with the
• 35:12
  harm. So you can stay in that place
• 35:16
  and be and operate from a hurt place and or you can shoot or
• 35:22
  you can go down the road of healing.
• 35:24
  I unfortunately for me, I tempted it a few.
• 35:26
  I tempted it in my 20s, again in my 30s, but I really didn't hit
• 35:29
  at home until I turned 50. If the fact that you've gotten
• 35:33
  on it so early, it's going to, it's going to allow for so much
• 35:36
  more contentment and authenticity and really knowing
• 35:39
  who you are and allowing those relationships to be what they
• 35:43
  can be because you were willing to do that work.
• 35:46
  And and that can be tricky because parents don't always
• 35:51
  know what to do with that language.
• 35:54
  They don't always know what to do with that nuance of, yeah,
• 35:59
  she knows we did the best we could, and also what we did did
• 36:04
  harm. Both things are true and that
• 36:07
  can be a tricky nuance for them. So for you to be able to do that
• 36:10
  work yourself and be able to go back and be in this space, you
• 36:14
  are with them now. Because again, going back to
• 36:16
  culturally for your culture, if that's part of the
• 36:19
  responsibility, that would be bumpy as heck if you had that
• 36:24
  issue. And 30 years down the road, it's
• 36:27
  time to take care of mom and dad and you hadn't done that
• 36:31
  healing. So I want to I want to point out
• 36:34
  the importance of that and the nuance that goes on in these
• 36:37
  scenarios with that. Yeah, so important because when
• 36:43
  you are able to see yourself from a healthy healed lens it.
• 36:47
  Does. Allow you to see the full
• 36:50
  picture and you still can't. You still can't control their
• 36:54
  reactions or responses to it, but you can at least approach it
• 36:58
  from a more, you know, curiosity base rather than judgement base.
• 37:03
  And I think that really does change the way you're able to
• 37:05
  see that. And then you're able to decide
• 37:07
  from there, OK, are these do I have to love from afar or these
• 37:11
  places and spaces that I can go back into without hurting
• 37:14
  myself? Yes, yes, I love that.
• 37:18
  Yeah. Yeah, Good stuff.
• 37:20
  Thank you so much for that. All right.
• 37:21
  This really wraps nicely into living out of your own
• 37:25
  expectations versus others. There are so many expectations
• 37:30
  that are handed off to us, like going back to that collective
• 37:33
  umbrella as women and little girls.
• 37:35
  But then you add, and you've already talked about some of the
• 37:37
  cultural narratives. You add in those expectations
• 37:39
  that are added on upon you. And then so many times, I think
• 37:44
  many women that I've talked to, whether if they're first
• 37:48
  generation, second generation, somebody in their family made a
• 37:51
  decision to come over here to offer a better life for them,
• 37:55
  there is a very heavy pressure and obligation that is felt to
• 38:00
  honor that. And sometimes that can get you
• 38:03
  off track from being and honoring in a way that feels
• 38:08
  authentic to you. And sometimes it can take a
• 38:12
  little while to get yourself to the place that really feels
• 38:15
  authentic and honorable to you. And some people never get there
• 38:18
  and then they get to later in life, you know, 40s, fifties,
• 38:21
  60s, and they're bitter and they're irritable and they're
• 38:24
  not. They feel out of sync with
• 38:26
  themselves because they haven't been able to to put together the
• 38:32
  need to actually attend to what they were hoping for, what
• 38:36
  they're authentically drawn to. So, so talk to me about
• 38:40
  navigating that pressure and being able to show up in a way
• 38:45
  that's authentic to you, that also feels honoring to you.
• 38:49
  Yeah. And so before I was a financial
• 38:53
  advisor, I was working at corporate.
• 38:55
  I was a project manager and my parents came here, you know,
• 39:00
  they're Vietnamese. So they came from the war,
• 39:02
  right, Which is very chaotic. They came to America for
• 39:06
  stability. And so now that I had a stable
• 39:09
  job, they're like, great. And then I was like, I'm going
• 39:11
  to be a financial advisor. And it is like, it is not stable
• 39:14
  in terms of like the income is different every month depending
• 39:18
  on your economy. Yeah.
• 39:20
  And then they were very mad at they're like, what are you
• 39:23
  doing? We came to this country so you
• 39:25
  can be stable. And now you're throwing yourself
• 39:27
  into a a more like variable. Yeah, Be chaotic.
• 39:32
  I like work like any business work predictable.
• 39:35
  Yeah, yeah, whatever. You got a business for yourself.
• 39:37
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 39:39
  So they were very upset for I would say a year, a full year, a
• 39:46
  full year. And they told me to they're like
• 39:49
  you should, you should quit, you should stop, you should go back
• 39:51
  to your corporate job. But then after a year, I became
• 39:56
  one of the top advisors in my, the top new advisor in my office
• 40:00
  after a year. And then it's more money than
• 40:02
  I've made than my corporate job. And I told them that and they're
• 40:06
  like, OK, I guess you know, And then, and then last month was
• 40:12
  the most I've ever made ever. It was like 3 times what I
• 40:16
  normally make in a month. So three times.
• 40:18
  Behind that, yeah. And then I told them that and
• 40:22
  they're, they're just a lot more accepting.
• 40:24
  And also as a business owner, like I, I kind of see as like if
• 40:29
  you work at corporate, 9:00 to 5:00, it's good.
• 40:31
  Like it's, it's, it's nice, but there's an income ceiling for
• 40:36
  almost every position. You know, like you can only go
• 40:39
  so far. But yeah, as a business owner, I
• 40:42
  mean, you, you could make a lot. The risk is that you can make no
• 40:45
  money, you know, so we're taking all that risk, but the reward is
• 40:49
  that we can make a lot like significantly if you worked at
• 40:53
  like a corporate job. And so my goal, my goal is to be
• 40:58
  a millionaire so that I can take care of my parents, I can pay my
• 41:02
  assistant. Those are only and and you know,
• 41:05
  impacts the world, impacts society.
• 41:07
  But you know, what's interesting is that whenever I was sharing
• 41:11
  my goals with people, my Co workers like, but what do you
• 41:15
  want? Like what do you want?
• 41:17
  I just want to take care of other people And and I couldn't
• 41:21
  answer that. And then that night I think I
• 41:24
  cried because the reason why I couldn't answer what I wanted is
• 41:29
  because I never cared what I wanted because I'm neglected
• 41:33
  myself all of my life. So now I don't really know what
• 41:37
  I want because I've always lived for others, so that's something
• 41:41
  that I really want. I still don't really know what I
• 41:44
  want. I just want my friends and
• 41:45
  family to be happy. But interestingly, if I want
• 41:49
  them to be happy, that means I need to be happy so I can show
• 41:52
  up for them in a happy way. And I was like, damn it.
• 41:55
  Yeah. No, you're fine.
• 41:57
  Absolutely. We've had, we've had much worse
• 41:59
  than that. You're good and it's very real
• 42:02
  and thank you for that. That's really a vulnerable place
• 42:04
  to share, but I think it's that's the right question.
• 42:07
  And just your awareness of that. One of the things that my
• 42:12
  therapist asked me a couple months ago, because I think when
• 42:14
  you're building something, you're you get there and then
• 42:17
  you move to the next thing and you just just keep kneeling.
• 42:20
  And she's like, when's the last time that you've stopped and
• 42:24
  celebrated the winds that you stopped and halted at that place
• 42:27
  that you got to and celebrated that for a moment before you
• 42:31
  just went on to the next thing. I was like, I couldn't really
• 42:35
  tell you. And she's like, that is the
• 42:37
  focus for 2025 is I want you to celebrate the wins.
• 42:42
  So that might be so. And it's just, And so each day
• 42:45
  now I will write down every day for the most part, there's
• 42:51
  always exceptions, but every day for the most part has some kind
• 42:55
  of a win in it. And it might be the like I did
• 42:59
  10 push ups today. And I haven't.
• 43:00
  Been able to do temp. I mean, it doesn't, you know, it
• 43:03
  doesn't have to be earth shattering, but there's
• 43:05
  something in it. You know, I made a connection I
• 43:07
  haven't made before or I'd listen to my body when it was
• 43:11
  telling me it needed a break. And I got up and walked around
• 43:13
  and that's some I'm more aware of now.
• 43:15
  I mean, it's all those little things.
• 43:17
  And it was such, it's such a good practice.
• 43:20
  And then my friend Erin Copeland last week, I just finished up
• 43:23
  this big thing that I'm going to be releasing over the summer.
• 43:27
  And it's in an early phase. There's a group that I, I'm part
• 43:31
  of a seminar. They're getting early access to
• 43:33
  it. But it was just, it's a big
• 43:35
  thing. I've never done anything like
• 43:36
  before. And I'm so focused on getting it
• 43:38
  launched and ready and then starting to plan to get it ready
• 43:41
  for July 1st. Beyond that, she's like, what
• 43:44
  are you doing to celebrate that, that you finished?
• 43:47
  Because I wasn't, I was thinking I'll celebrate great when it's
• 43:51
  when people buy it and it's successful and you know, and
• 43:54
  she's like, you just created this thing you've never created
• 43:57
  before. You've literally told us last
• 44:00
  week you think it's the best thing you've ever created.
• 44:02
  You're not going to celebrate that.
• 44:04
  And I was just like, you are right.
• 44:07
  And that's why. So it's like even when you have
• 44:10
  a framework that supports you, it's still so important to have
• 44:14
  those people around you coming back to those Co workers that
• 44:18
  will ask you those questions and remind you of like, Oh yeah,
• 44:22
  that's part of this too. That matters too, because it
• 44:25
  does shift. It does matter how you show up,
• 44:29
  that use of component of self-care.
• 44:31
  So I'm going to hand off that to you, write down your wins every
• 44:34
  day and then celebrate your wins.
• 44:35
  You know what? And that can can be, it can be
• 44:37
  as simple as, you know, taking the morning off or having your
• 44:43
  favorite dinner or go on a trip somewhere or, you know, for a
• 44:48
  weekend with friends or whenever it is, you know, getting
• 44:52
  yourself something new that you haven't been able to afford.
• 44:54
  I mean, it could just be so many different things.
• 44:58
  But yeah, I think having those people around you to to remind
• 45:02
  you of that is so important. Yeah, and Melissa, I, I feel
• 45:07
  like we're very similar in that we don't celebrate ourselves.
• 45:12
  And I honestly, that's the hardest thing for me, which I
• 45:16
  think from outside looking, and that sounds silly because like
• 45:19
  celebrating is fun. No, like I had another mentor
• 45:24
  like tell me I need to do it. Like he just told me today.
• 45:27
  And that's what I've been working on the last few weeks.
• 45:29
  And I got a massage last week because I was forced to.
• 45:34
  And I'm just kidding. I was, I was encouraged to
• 45:38
  because I did so well last month and everyone was like, what are
• 45:41
  you going to do? Celebrate?
• 45:42
  What are you? And I'm like.
• 45:43
  Nothing like just like I don't. Want to think about it?
• 45:46
  Let's just move on to the next goal.
• 45:47
  But I think if we frame it as like this is a form of
• 45:52
  self-care, I'm a little more willing to do it.
• 45:54
  Absolutely. It's a.
• 45:56
  Way to fill my cup for the hard work that I've put in, yeah.
• 46:00
  You know what though? I think I feel resistant still
• 46:04
  because there's a part of me, and this is an old, an old
• 46:07
  habit. You know that all habits die
• 46:09
  hard, but like, I think there's a part of me that feels like you
• 46:12
  don't deserve it or like you, you know, like you don't deserve
• 46:16
  it. You don't need it.
• 46:17
  Like that's you're not important for like let's just move on, you
• 46:20
  know. And so I think that's the
• 46:22
  resistance is that I have the old habit of like you're not
• 46:26
  worth it. So those still.
• 46:29
  Those are these old narratives still come up.
• 46:31
  Absolutely. We're all in a journey and
• 46:33
  different things will trigger them.
• 46:34
  And I think for me, I, I, I define success up here instead
• 46:39
  of seeing the creation of something as a success or that
• 46:44
  you know, or interaction is, is success.
• 46:47
  And so reframing now, I would call it success for somebody
• 46:50
  else. So I think it goes back to that
• 46:52
  perfectionism piece because I think those there's just so many
• 46:55
  things that we do to ourselves. But remembering the importance
• 46:58
  of I'm like, what would you tell someone?
• 47:00
  And we saw this experience. Oh yeah.
• 47:02
  That. OK, that's a good thing.
• 47:04
  But but going back to I think with the expectations piece, I
• 47:08
  would imagine, I know it did for me and my journey and your our
• 47:12
  journeys are very different. But that perfectionism piece
• 47:15
  that I struggled with had a lot to do with the expectations I
• 47:18
  felt from other people and what would receive affirmation and
• 47:22
  what would count as being valuable.
• 47:25
  So I think unpacking that and learning those too is a big part
• 47:29
  of it. Yeah.
• 47:31
  And when you were talking about success, success is so
• 47:34
  fascinating. I want to ask you something,
• 47:37
  Melissa. Do you feel like you're
• 47:39
  successful? That is such a tough question
• 47:43
  because yes, but not as successful as I want to be.
• 47:50
  Right, right, right. And, and the reason why I asked
• 47:53
  is because like, I see that you are and a lot of people see that
• 47:58
  you are OK. And I, I'm going to tell you a
• 48:01
  funny story. I like earlier this year, I won
• 48:05
  an award again for being one of the top new advisors in my
• 48:08
  office. I won the award.
• 48:10
  Few months later, I was talking to my assistant and I asked her,
• 48:15
  hey, do you think I'm successful?
• 48:18
  And I genuinely believe that she was going to say no because I
• 48:23
  didn't think I was. I never saw myself as successful
• 48:27
  with all these awards and I still don't see it.
• 48:30
  When am I going to see it? When it's I I have my picture
• 48:34
  everywhere. OK, I'm like literally the
• 48:36
  number one, what is it going to take for me to finally see that
• 48:39
  I'm successful and it's. Just.
• 48:41
  Me, there's nothing. I can be the number one advisor
• 48:43
  in the whole world, but if I don't don't believe it, then I'm
• 48:48
  I'm not. And we want success so that we
• 48:50
  feel good about ourselves and then we achieve it.
• 48:53
  We still don't feel good, not enough, you know, like what a
• 48:56
  vicious. Cycle.
• 48:58
  Oh, it is. And and it's getting back into
• 49:00
  what I have to do. And it's work that I'm still
• 49:02
  doing is I'm learning those narratives that led me to think
• 49:08
  that success looked this way. When success is me being
• 49:12
  content, success is me knowing who I am.
• 49:16
  Success is me continuing to learn and evolve and grow.
• 49:20
  Success is never abandoning myself.
• 49:23
  But that's not the that's not the brand of success we have
• 49:27
  been brought up to believe. So it's just the unlearning of
• 49:30
  that. And it takes so much time.
• 49:34
  Yes. Yeah, yeah, no, I, I'm so, yeah,
• 49:38
  that's a good. And that's a good question for
• 49:39
  me to ponder because for me, it's like, I this started as my
• 49:43
  passion project and now it's turned into like, no, this is
• 49:47
  what I want to do all the time. So if this is what I want to do
• 49:50
  all the time, then I need to create income streams that allow
• 49:53
  me to do it all the time. And that has been a really hard
• 49:56
  transition for me to make. But then I also moved to the
• 49:59
  space. Well, it's like, well, if I'm
• 50:01
  not mixing X amount of dollars to cover all these costs and I'm
• 50:04
  not successful, instead of like, no, you've established this
• 50:08
  framework. You you're sharing it with
• 50:10
  women. You're helping them access what
• 50:13
  you've been able to access. And you and it's you're finally
• 50:17
  working in an area that you feel authentically aligned to that
• 50:21
  lights you up every day. That's successful.
• 50:23
  Yes. So, yeah, it is.
• 50:27
  You're right. Those old habits die hard.
• 50:30
  Those old habits. Yeah.
• 50:31
  So, you know, but and it goes back to that value piece, you
• 50:35
  know, knowing our value, continuing to invest in that.
• 50:38
  So we know our value and taking apart how we identify ourselves
• 50:43
  and making sure it's by those character traits and not these
• 50:46
  other things that these other ladders that we climb, these
• 50:50
  other things we achieve. Because that's not what people
• 50:54
  are going to remember. You know, people are going to
• 50:56
  remember how you make them feel in the moment.
• 50:59
  People are going to remember whether you showed up for them
• 51:02
  or not. People are going to remember
• 51:03
  Were you present? I mean, there's just so many
• 51:05
  things. Oh, yeah.
• 51:06
  We could talk about that part forever.
• 51:09
  Thank you so much. Oh, my God, So good.
• 51:12
  All right. This goes nicely into this.
• 51:14
  Accepting. We'd basically been talking
• 51:16
  about this, accepting the layered aspects of ourselves,
• 51:20
  all those pieces and parts and components that make up who we
• 51:25
  are, the pieces we love, the pieces we don't.
• 51:29
  And I, this has been, you know, I start when I'm working with
• 51:33
  people in person or I'm working with them via Zoom or how or
• 51:37
  one-on-one. However it is we start here
• 51:40
  because I know I needed to start here.
• 51:43
  I had to be able to get to a place where I was able to remove
• 51:48
  the shame and approach and remove the embarrassment and
• 51:51
  remove the regret and re And I'm still working on it.
• 51:54
  There's a whole area that I'm working on that right now that's
• 51:58
  very heavy in regret and wishing I could go back and I can't.
• 52:03
  So how is it, you know, how do I remove the judgment and get
• 52:07
  curious and accept and acknowledge like I don't have to
• 52:10
  love it and I can completely own that.
• 52:13
  I mean, that I will not do that moving forward, but still come
• 52:16
  to a a neutral at least acknowledgement of that.
• 52:20
  So yeah, talk to me about your layers journey.
• 52:23
  Yeah, I mean, I hated myself for most of my life and I, you know,
• 52:31
  like on the journey to loving myself, of course there's always
• 52:35
  going to be things that you don't prefer about you.
• 52:40
  And I like that you said just like accepting it and and just
• 52:43
  remembering that we're human and that this is all normal and all
• 52:47
  these emotions of shame and blame that's there.
• 52:52
  But we can acknowledge it and say like, hey, we're human and
• 52:56
  we literally did our best that with what we had at the time and
• 53:01
  that's OK. And just.
• 53:03
  And so like self forgiveness, I think it's a huge thing because
• 53:06
  I don't think a lot of people me like really understand again,
• 53:12
  how often we're like beating ourselves up over little things.
• 53:15
  Like I'm late, Oh, I'm late, you know, like I'm a person, like,
• 53:19
  you know, when we don't, we don't know.
• 53:21
  So yeah, I think the main key thing is the awareness and
• 53:26
  responding. And I'd say self forgiveness
• 53:29
  would be like the main thing, like forgive yourself or not
• 53:32
  doing every anything on your list.
• 53:35
  Yeah, like every. Yeah.
• 53:38
  So I've been, I have a mentor and that's what we've been
• 53:42
  talking about lately, self forgiveness.
• 53:45
  And so I've been starting this practice of like every night
• 53:48
  before bed, I forgive myself for not doing everything that I said
• 53:53
  I would, for being critical to myself, for not waking up as
• 53:58
  early as I wanted to, you know, for whatever it is.
• 54:02
  And apparently, apparently that's the way to success.
• 54:05
  And I'm like OK if it's the way. To success, then great.
• 54:09
  Yeah. I mean, it's not shifting the
• 54:11
  way you see yourself and you approach things that happen in
• 54:14
  your life because tough things happen.
• 54:16
  And and we really do. Most of us are doing the best we
• 54:19
  can with what we know. But you said something so
• 54:21
  important. It's going back to like looking
• 54:23
  at where I was in that moment and what I knew at the time and
• 54:26
  what I had, the environment around me, all those things.
• 54:30
  I see why I made that decision. I see why I see it in that
• 54:33
  relationship. I see why I did or didn't take
• 54:36
  that job or whatever it is. And whereas 20 hindsight's 2020,
• 54:42
  right? I can see where I did that.
• 54:44
  And I'm going to give myself grace for that because that's
• 54:47
  what I knew. And you know, and now I'm here
• 54:49
  now and I can move forward from that and I've learned that and,
• 54:53
  and there's no need to hide that or be embarrassed or shamed
• 54:56
  about that anymore. But it's that that curiosity
• 54:59
  over judgment has been, is such a key component for me is
• 55:03
  whenever and for anything, whenever you feel your judgment
• 55:07
  rising up in you about you, about someone else, get curious
• 55:11
  about that. What's that rooted in?
• 55:13
  And if that thing that it's rooted in, is that actually
• 55:17
  true? Or is that an old tired
• 55:19
  narrative that needs to be replaced, unlearned, retired,
• 55:23
  you know, those kinds of things too.
• 55:24
  And then they're reframing that language, the reframing of the
• 55:27
  language. So powerful.
• 55:28
  That's come up a couple times today in our conversation.
• 55:31
  And I think that's so important. Yeah.
• 55:33
  That forgiveness. That forgiveness.
• 55:36
  I I like that you mentioned curiosity.
• 55:38
  Something new that I've been thinking about too is whenever
• 55:42
  something bad happens, you know, it's an opportunity to work on
• 55:51
  the new narrative. Like if something bad happens,
• 55:54
  like you get rejected, OK, Like you usually, you know, I get
• 55:57
  rejected. Oh, I'm a failure, I suck, I'm
• 55:59
  not worthy. But now I get rejected and I'm
• 56:02
  like, this is the opportunity to say it differently to yourself.
• 56:07
  And so when bad things happen, that's the only time you get to
• 56:11
  see how much you've grown is when the bad things happen.
• 56:12
  Because if everything's good, everything's good.
• 56:14
  It's easy to love yourself when things are good.
• 56:16
  Absolutely love yourself when things are bad.
• 56:19
  Do you, are you peaceful when things are stressful?
• 56:21
  Like that's the true test of peace and love is when the the
• 56:25
  external world is like crashing on you and you're just yeah.
• 56:29
  And I'm honestly been so impressed because the last few
• 56:33
  weeks all these bad things have happened.
• 56:35
  I got a ticket, my toilet leak, you know, like work as I have
• 56:39
  been hitting my goals at work. And I cannot believe how
• 56:43
  peaceful I have been like, oh, I can I this is the opportunity to
• 56:48
  fix it. And I fixed my leaking toilet
• 56:51
  and I felt so independent and I felt so good about myself.
• 56:55
  And the only way I can feel that good about myself is if that
• 56:58
  leak. If it didn't, then I don't have
• 57:00
  the opportunity to show myself that I can do it and believe in
• 57:03
  myself. And so all these negative
• 57:06
  things, it's just an opportunity to practice what we're
• 57:10
  preaching, which is self. Love.
• 57:12
  Oh, that was so good. Thank you so much for that
• 57:14
  example. Yeah.
• 57:15
  And how empowering it is when you're able to do that, like,
• 57:19
  oh, I didn't know I could do that, but I can't Look how I can
• 57:22
  show up for myself here. Yeah, so good.
• 57:24
  Oh, thank you. That's a great example.
• 57:26
  Thank you so much. All right, In summary, in living
• 57:30
  out feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers, we we've been
• 57:34
  talking about this throughout, but just kind of wrap up how
• 57:37
  that has impacted your relationship with yourself as
• 57:41
  well as your relationship with other people.
• 57:45
  Yeah, definitely feeling a lot better about myself, my life.
• 57:49
  And it's so interesting when I learned to love myself.
• 57:52
  Another thing that I also learned is that the people that
• 57:56
  I love, I thought that this is the most I could love them.
• 57:59
  And when you love yourself, the capacity to love just grows even
• 58:02
  more. I'm like, wow, I didn't know I
• 58:04
  can even love them that much more because I thought I was
• 58:06
  paying the Max of love for my best friends and my family.
• 58:10
  Yeah. So that was very cool to see.
• 58:12
  And like, if you want other, like we were talking about
• 58:15
  earlier, we want others to be happy.
• 58:18
  We got to be happy. If we want others to be loved,
• 58:20
  then we got to love ourselves. And then like you were saying,
• 58:23
  like you show up. You show up at yours as your
• 58:26
  best self for other people and most importantly for yourself.
• 58:31
  Yes, yes, because when you're giving from an overflow, like
• 58:35
  you know, you're not giving from a depleted, tapped out place and
• 58:39
  that makes all the difference in the world on how you're able to
• 58:42
  show up. And you're also when you show up
• 58:45
  that way, it it impacts the people that are attracted to you
• 58:49
  as well. I mean, I think that has a
• 58:51
  because you teach people how to treat you, whether you.
• 58:55
  Need to or not? Yes, you do.
• 58:59
  Yes, yeah, that's such a big portion of it.
• 59:01
  All right, we are down to the rapid fire.
• 59:05
  Name 5 activities that nourish you.
• 59:12
  Exercising, breathing intentionally.
• 59:18
  Self forgiveness. Trees.
• 59:28
  I love plants, I love trees. So nature and positive self
• 59:35
  talk. That's good.
• 59:38
  I'll write 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 59:42
  months. I think the number one thing is
• 59:47
  I want to feel peaceful. Like so peaceful that no matter
• 59:52
  what happens, I'm just at peace. Like that's amazing.
• 59:55
  So I want to feel. I want to feel peaceful.
• 59:59
  I want to feel. Accomplished.
• 1:00:04
  I want to feel valued. I want to feel loved.
• 1:00:14
  I want to feel joyful. So good.
• 1:00:18
  Oh my goodness. All right, all these things are
• 1:00:21
  going to be on our resources page at embracinglayers.com.
• 1:00:24
  But let people know where they can find you, follow you, work
• 1:00:27
  with you. There may be some women out
• 1:00:29
  there today, like I like her. I want her to be my financial
• 1:00:33
  advisor to share with us. And then like I said, these will
• 1:00:37
  all be on our website, on the resources page.
• 1:00:40
  Yeah, I have a website, I have a LinkedIn.
• 1:00:42
  I'll connect or I'll, I'll send it all to you.
• 1:00:45
  But they can also like call me, you know, call me, e-mail me.
• 1:00:51
  I'll send the contact information too.
• 1:00:55
  Yeah, yeah. All right, yeah, we'll get all
• 1:00:58
  that will be in our our in our resources page.
• 1:01:00
  So you all know how to follow and reach out to Maria.
• 1:01:03
  Thank you so much for your time today.
• 1:01:05
  This has been as good a conversate and even that, I
• 1:01:08
  mean, I knew that this was going to be a great conversation.
• 1:01:11
  I had no, like from the first time we met, I was like, oh,
• 1:01:15
  yeah, yeah. And and hearing women from your
• 1:01:20
  generation gives me, like I said before, it gives me so much hope
• 1:01:24
  because you're getting on this game sooner.
• 1:01:26
  You have learned generations before you, you have seen your
• 1:01:30
  mother's and grandmothers. And it said no, no, no, that is
• 1:01:33
  not the road I'm going to go down.
• 1:01:35
  You didn't wait until you, you know, it all hit the fan.
• 1:01:39
  And I think that's such a powerful thing because the
• 1:01:42
  people that come up behind you, they're not going to have those
• 1:01:45
  same hurdles because the precedent's been set there.
• 1:01:48
  So there's not going to be those things to unlearn.
• 1:01:50
  So thank you for being part of that movement.
• 1:01:53
  I think it's so powerful, so important.
• 1:01:55
  Thanks so much for being with me today, ladies, This is there's
• 1:01:59
  been so many Nuggets in this, but love yourself well know that
• 1:02:04
  you're worth investing in Pay it this week.
• 1:02:08
  Pay attention to yourself, talk. Just pay attention to it.
• 1:02:11
  Even if you, like me, thought you had it, Neil, pay attention
• 1:02:15
  and then when you catch yourself, rephrase it, Rephrase
• 1:02:19
  it into kind and pathetic. You can be accountable and kind.
• 1:02:24
  I think that's something that is really important for us to
• 1:02:27
  realize is we think accountability has to look mean
• 1:02:32
  or yes, you know, disciplinary and we can be both accountable
• 1:02:36
  and kind. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:41
  Thank you, Maria. You bet.
• 1:02:42
  Maria, thanks so much for being with me today.
• 1:02:44
  Ladies that have been listening, women, anybody that's been
• 1:02:47
  listening so much good in this. Take these Nuggets, take good
• 1:02:51
  care of yourself, and we'll see you next time here on THE FIELD
• 1:02:54
  podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
• 1:02:58
  being with us today on this episode of the Feel podcast.
• 1:03:02
  If you would like more information on how you can apply
• 1:03:07
  these talking points that I share with our guests in each
• 1:03:10
  episode to your own life, really utilize this feel framework, go
• 1:03:15
  to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form, and let's set
• 1:03:20
  up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
• 1:03:26
  living your most authentic, organic, healthy, feel fueled
• 1:03:31
  life. Thanks again for being with us
• 1:03:33
  today. We'll be back to you soon with
• 1:03:35
  another episode here on the Feel Podcast.