Latest / The Hypnotist / Breaking Free from People-Pleasing -Hypnosis for Boundaries, Self-Worth & Autonomy

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Breaking Free from People-Pleasing -Hypnosis for Boundaries, Self-Worth & Autonomy · The Hypnotist

• 0:09
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
• 0:13
  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
• 0:16
  genuine. Issues.
• 0:17
  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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  celebrities CE OS and even royalty Adam Cox, these
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  recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's world
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  famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
• 0:34
  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here. Would you consider yourself a
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  people pleaser? Maybe you really put other
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  people's needs above your own and not from place of generosity
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  because some people do it because they feel like they have
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  to, that other people's needs are more important than their
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  own. It's their duty to be a bit of a
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  martyr and to sacrifice themselves in order for other
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  people. Now if you can relate to this, I
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  really think you're going to get some value from this hypnosis
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  session because I was working with a client that had been in
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  that way ever since childhood that they would always put their
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  parents needs above their own. And then when they got in a
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  relationship, their husband's needs were always more important
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  than their own and they felt like a second class citizen
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  consistently. But here's the interesting
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  thing. They had a belief that that is
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  all that they are deserving of and therefore they would
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  engineer unconsciously these situations almost like an
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  unconscious contract, where in order to feel worthy or of
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  value, they had to be useful to the world, and that meant
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  putting their needs below other people's needs.
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  Now, this unconscious contract was an important metaphor
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  because this client happened to work in the legal profession and
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  therefore they could. Get the idea?
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  That you can have contracts that are written that are
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  disadvantageous to one of the parties.
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  Now, as a lawyer, she knew that if she had this contract, it
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  would not be a good contract. And therefore we use an element
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  of inner child work to give the younger version of herself a
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  choice of what unconscious contract or what unconscious
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  belief systems she would actually want.
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  And how would that change throughout their life?
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  Now. This isn't involves in a child
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  work, but also forms of timeline therapy.
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  That's very important because what we want to do is not just
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  change how someone thinks about the past, but change how they
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  feel in the present. And we can test that by
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  imagining a future where they don't have to put other people's
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  needs above their own and they can live life on their terms.
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  And it's very different from doing something as an act of
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  kindness and generosity. Because you choose.
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  To rather than feeling like you're obliged to, think of the
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  difference between a martyr and a philanthropist.
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  The martyr has to experience pain or lose something themself
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  in order to help the greater good, whereas A philanthropist
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  has more resources than they need and they're able to help
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  others from a position of strength.
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  And I would encourage you to be more philanthropic in how you
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  think rather than more like a martyr.
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  Because actually a martyr feels like it's noble and it feels
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  like I've sacrificed so much. But actually, it's much better
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  to have the metaphor that you can't pour from an empty cup.
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  And if your cup is overflowing, then you have more than enough
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  to give other people, but only if you choose to, not because
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  you have to. So if you can connect to any of
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  these ideas, you'll get some value from this session.
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  It was created for a very specific client though, so not
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  all of the suggestions might be suitable for you.
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  So just connect with the ones that really do resonate.
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  And if you do want a session built specifically to you and
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  your requirements, there will be a link in the show notes where
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  you can schedule a free consultation call we'll.
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  Have a chat and then who knows, we might.
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  End up working together for now though, find a quiet,
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  comfortable place where you won't be distracted or
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  disturbed. Relax.
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  And enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in and as you
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  breathe in, breathe in quiet, calm, relaxing feeling.
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  And as you exhale, give yourself permission to release.
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  Release any feelings of tension, stress, any worries.
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  That's it. Eyelids feeling heavier and
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  position your body in such a way where relaxation becomes
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  inevitable. That's it.
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  Breathing in, relaxation, exhaling tension, That's it.
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  Just loosen the shoulders, the jaw, That's it.
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  And I wonder if you can use the power of your imagination to
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  imagine a colour that represents worthiness, maybe a bright
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  colour, and imagine breathing in that colour of worthiness.
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  And just imagine as you exhale, any feelings of unworthiness are
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  slowly leaving your body in your outward breath.
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  That's it. And the deeper you breathe, the
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  more relaxed you feel. And the more relaxed you feel,
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  the deeper you breathe. That's in as your body relaxes,
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  your imagination awakens. And I want you to imagine a
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  bookshelf filled with history books.
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  And I want you to imagine in one book, in one chapter, there is a
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  book all about the different types of slaves throughout
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  history, slaves from Asia, Africa, European slaves in Rome.
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  And often a warlord like Genghis Khan would attack a city.
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  And if he was successful, and he almost always was, any survivors
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  were sold into slavery. And I want you to imagine that
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  even back then a contract was formed.
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  The slave became a possession of the owner, and often they would
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  pay for that slave. The slave only had value
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  depending on how useful and productive they were.
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  If the slave was useful, the slave wasn't rewarded.
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  That was simply expected. But if the slave wasn't helpful
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  or useful, the slave was often beaten.
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  They were punished for not being valuable, but they weren't
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  rewarded if they were because of that contract, an implicit
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  contract that says their value is only based on how much value
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  they create. And as you take that in, I want
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  you to get a sense of what that slave would do to survive and to
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  feel safe. They might start to work harder,
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  be more helpful, be more useful. Not because it was appreciated,
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  it just felt safer than the alternative.
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  I want you to get a sense then. Slavery can be a transaction,
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  but it can also be a way of thinking.
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  As you breathe in and breathe out, I want you to imagine
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  floating back to a memory of you as a child.
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  Imagine that you are an invisible observer, just
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  watching the past. Imagine as you breathe in and
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  breathe out, seeing key moments from your childhood, moments of
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  when love and connection was withheld to a child.
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  That's it. Breathe in and breathe out.
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  And as you go back to that memory, just imagine that the
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  withholding of love and connection or affection would
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  feel like punishment if words of encouragement came when they
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  were helpful or useful or did as they were told.
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  As you observe those key moments from that childhood, you could
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  start to see how that child might form a belief.
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  A belief about how they need to be useful to be valuable, and
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  belief about what it takes to be safe or to survive.
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  And I want you to get a sense then as a child, that child had
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  few options. The child did not have autonomy.
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  The child cannot say I don't agree to these presuppositions
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  and suggestions. I reject them.
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  The child starts to believe what they're told.
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  The child accepts their reality as if it's real.
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  And just imagine that child becomes a teenager and then a
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  young adult. And even though they're more
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  capable now, more discerning now, what if that seed of an
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  idea has started to become a tree with deep roots?
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  And I want you to get a sense that this all happened in your
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  childhood. I want you to get a sense that
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  you created an unconscious contract that served you when
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  you were a child. It did represent security,
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  safety. But I want you to think how
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  strange it would be continue doing something as a child, even
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  as an adult. Maybe there was a time as a
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  child that you rode a bike and the bike had training wheels,
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  those stabilizers, and it was useful when you were just three
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  or four or five. But you haven't seen an adult
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  ride a bike with big training wheels because what was useful
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  at one point in your life may not be useful now.
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  I want you to imagine a moment where you were on your own,
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  maybe just five or six years old, and I want you to meet that
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  younger version of you. And I want you to plant you
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  seeds of an idea. Go back to that younger version
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  of you and tell them that you are them from the future.
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  I want you to tell them that they are worthy just because
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  they exist. Give them a hug.
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  Give them your attention. No conditions, no rules, so
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  hoops to jump through. They are valuable as they are
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  and let them feel that and tell them.
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  Tell them that some people will try and make them feel bad if
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  they don't do what they want them to do, but that is a
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  reflection of their value, not yours.
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  I want you to imagine telling this child that they have two
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  contracts that they can agree to, and you might need to
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  explain a contract to A5 or a six year old, but use words that
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  they would understand like an agreement, a promise, and show
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  them the first contract. The first contract is that their
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  value is inextricably linked to how much value they create for
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  others. In this contract, they would
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  have to lose in order for someone else to win, but if
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  they're rejected, their self worth will go down and this will
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  invite strange dynamics of coercion, control, manipulation
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  and gas lighting. And I want you to imagine giving
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  this 5 or 6 year old a crayon and saying that they could sign
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  this first contract, but you've got a better one.
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  And that new contract might say something like you are valuable
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  simply because you exist. Your value remains whether or
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  not other people benefit from your time, your energy and
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  emotion. This contract says that you're
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  not a product or a commodity, you are an entity.
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  You are energy, emotion and value.
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  This contract says that you can have the option to help others,
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  but never the obligation. This contract says if someone
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  expects or feels entitled to your time, energy, money,
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  thoughts or opinions, it can and should be rejected.
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  But that contract also says that if they can help, if it's
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  feasible to, and it would be appreciated, then they have the
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  option without the obligation to help on their terms.
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  Because when you offer help in that way that's genuinely
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  appreciated, the law of reciprocity says, then that
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  person would be willing to help if the roles were reversed.
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  That's also how you tell who feels entitled to your time and
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  energy and who appreciates it. If when they ask, you feel
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  obliged, and when you ask you feel unworthy of even asking, or
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  it's too easy for them to reject, that's not
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  collaboration. That's not reciprocation.
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  That is exploitation. And imagine having these two
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  contracts in front of that younger version of you and be a
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  legal adviser to that younger version of you because they
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  won't know. Or maybe they do.
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  And when you recommend, what would be?
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  A more useful unconscious contract to agree to give them
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  that brightly colored crayon and see them sign it in the way that
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  only a 5 or 6 year old could seal it with a handshake and a
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  hug. Just imagine what it would feel
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  like to uproot a giant Redwood when it was just a sapling and
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  instead plant a wonderful new tree in the exact location.
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  And I want you to feel that that is happening now.
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  I don't want you to imagine what would happen if there was a
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  ripple through space and time from you being a child all the
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  way up to the present. Think of all the key milestones
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  that would have been different, things you would have felt
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  comfortable saying no to, things that you would have done for
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  yourself more often, a lack of tolerance for people that would
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  manipulate or exploit, and more time and energy for yourself.
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  And some people believe that you can't pour from an empty cup.
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  Man. I want you to see a timeline
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  evolve where you put your needs first.
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  Because by putting your needs first, you could be kind and
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  generous from a position of generosity and kindness, not
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  simply to feel a reprieve of feeling any form of self worth.
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  They say the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago and the
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  next best time is right now. And you can't change the past.
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  But anything you're not changing, you're choosing.
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  So imagine being at your desk and seeing 2 contracts in front
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  of you. And imagine you have a crayon.
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  It's now time for you to decide what unconscious contract you're
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  willing to follow now. A contract where you are a
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  psychological and emotional slave to be used by others or to
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  be valuable, worthy, autonomous. You prioritize your needs and
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  still can consider the others. But consideration does not mean
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  obligation. You can choose to be a martyr or
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  a philanthropist. You can choose to be a slave or
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  an empowered entrepreneur living life on your terms.
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  And just imagine that small child in the room with you and
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  she's now coaching you, urging you to not sign that unconscious
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  contract that was never signed to begin with.
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  You just acted as if it was. And if you're ready to commit to
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  that new agreement with yourself, let me know by nodding
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  your head and get a glimpse of your future.
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  Now imagine seeing a future where it's fine for you to say
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  no, fine for you to have clear boundaries.
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  You can spend your time, your money, your energy doing things
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  you want to do. And if people ask, see that
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  future version of you figuring out if you want to help, if it's
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  feasible for you to help, and if it would be appreciated.
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  And I want you to see a confident version of you being
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  more than willing to say no to anything that takes you back to
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  a version of you that you've broken free from.
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  Because if you were a slave and you were given your freedom, how
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  likely is it that you would choose voluntarily to become
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  that slave again? So take your.
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  Freedom. You've earned it, you deserve
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  it, and you have permission from yourself to yourself to enjoy
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  your freedom. As you hold that thought, just
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  imagine floating all the way back to the present, to the here
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  and the now. Take a deep breath in through
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  your nose and out through your nose.
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  That's it. Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your
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  toes, start to connect and calibrate into the here and the
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  now. As I now count from 1:00 to
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  10:00 to awaken you. You will awaken feeling full of
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  value, self worth, with a wonderful feeling of freedom,
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  liberation, excitement for the future.
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  Starting to count. 123 Waking up 456 More alert 7-8 Open your
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  eyes, open your eyes 910 Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake.
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  Thank you. So much for joining me on
• 26:26
  today's episode of The Hypnotist.
• 26:28
  If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from it.
• 26:32
  Please. Give it a five star rating and
• 26:34
  review and maybe you know someone that would also benefit
• 26:38
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  with them so they can also get the benefit too.
• 26:46
  And if you would like to listen to this episode where it's just
• 26:50
  the hypnosis, so no intro, no outro, no explanation, just the
• 26:55
  hypnosis and completely ad free, there will be a link in the
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  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
• 27:03
  only get access to the hypnosis O if that's of interest.
• 27:07
  Please check that out. Thank you again for being a
• 27:11
  regular listener of The Hypnotist and I'll see you again
• 27:14
  soon for more.