Latest / She's On The Money / Unpacking Financial Trauma

Transcript

Unpacking Financial Trauma · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello, my name is Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud
0:04
Speaker 1: or the Order, Kernie Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And
0:08
Speaker 1: before we get started on She's on the Money podcast,
0:11
Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the
0:14
Speaker 1: land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
0:18
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
0:22
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
0:27
Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
0:30
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 4: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:00
Speaker 4: for millennials who want financial freedom. Most of us carry
1:04
Speaker 4: some sort of trauma with us. It could be from
1:06
Speaker 4: our childhood, maybe a past relationship, or really any significant
1:11
Speaker 4: experience that has caused us ongoing pain. The word trauma
1:14
Speaker 4: is often used to describe very painful and extreme situations
1:18
Speaker 4: that mark our universal human struggle, and this is no
1:21
Speaker 4: different when it comes to money. On today's episode of
1:24
Speaker 4: She's on the Money, we are talking about a lesser known,
1:27
Speaker 4: but very prevalent trauma and it is, of course financial trauma.
1:32
Speaker 4: My name is Georgia King, and joining me as always
1:35
Speaker 4: is Victoria define V.
1:37
Speaker 3: How High.
1:37
Speaker 5: Hello, Georgia King. I am not excited, but I'm looking
1:41
Speaker 5: forward to this because I feel like financial trauma has
1:46
Speaker 5: for a very long time not been recognized as as
1:49
Speaker 5: legitimate as other types of trauma, when it absolutely is.
1:53
Speaker 5: So I really am looking forward to sharing this and
1:57
Speaker 5: I hope that don't hope that people relate to it.
2:00
Speaker 5: I hope that it validates some people's experiences so that
2:03
Speaker 5: they know that they're not alone on this one.
2:06
Speaker 4: It's not something we've spoken about on the podcast before.
2:09
Speaker 4: It's not really a term I've heard of at all,
2:11
Speaker 4: to be honest, So I am super excited to dive
2:13
Speaker 4: into it and hear what it is all about. You've
2:17
Speaker 4: got some.
2:17
Speaker 2: Stats, I doo.
2:19
Speaker 5: I've taken your job as stats gal. Obviously really looking
2:23
Speaker 5: forward to diving deep on this one. Financial trauma is
2:26
Speaker 5: obviously very common, sadly, and makes total sense as money
2:30
Speaker 5: is very easily linked to our sense of security, our safety,
2:34
Speaker 5: our status, and our power. And a survey that was
2:37
Speaker 5: conducted by Payoff in twenty nineteen found that one in
2:41
Speaker 5: three millennials suffer from acute financial stress also known as AFS,
2:46
Speaker 5: and the point of this episode is to shine a
2:48
Speaker 5: light and validate people who.
2:50
Speaker 2: Are experiencing this.
2:51
Speaker 5: Fortunately, we are living in a time where conversations around
2:55
Speaker 5: mental health are thankfully becoming increasingly more open and common,
2:59
Speaker 5: and we are understand danning how better to deal with
3:01
Speaker 5: and identify these painful experiences with less stigma win. Financial
3:06
Speaker 5: trauma is one we hear about all the time in
3:09
Speaker 5: our community. Not so much coinned by that term, but
3:12
Speaker 5: the experiences that a lot of our community have had
3:16
Speaker 5: or shared with us. I would absolutely categorize as fitting
3:19
Speaker 5: into the financial trauma space, and it's often one that
3:23
Speaker 5: manifests in our actions and attitudes towards money. It often
3:26
Speaker 5: goes unnoticed or is passed off as logical or reasonable behavior,
3:30
Speaker 5: which is absolutely not the case.
3:33
Speaker 4: All right, V, I'm going to throw two really common
3:36
Speaker 4: terms out there for us to chew over. First is
3:40
Speaker 4: retail therapy and the second is tight US. Oh yeah,
3:44
Speaker 4: And I bring these up because they come up all
3:46
Speaker 4: the time. We flippantly use them all the time.
3:49
Speaker 2: She's a tight US.
3:51
Speaker 5: I mean you probably when people are talking about George,
3:57
Speaker 5: But does.
3:57
Speaker 4: That tie in to financial trauma and anyway.
4:00
Speaker 5: Ah, look, yes and no, maybe retail therapy is your thing.
4:03
Speaker 5: And when you're feeling down, you can't control the urge
4:06
Speaker 5: to splurge.
4:08
Speaker 2: See what I did?
4:08
Speaker 1: There?
4:09
Speaker 5: Need that dopamine hit, I get it. I'm going to
4:11
Speaker 5: do a whole episode really soon g on emotional spending
4:14
Speaker 5: because I feel like that's a topic that we need
4:17
Speaker 5: to discuss as well, because things like quote shopping addictions
4:20
Speaker 5: ha ha ha actually are really serious and they actually
4:24
Speaker 5: do impact people's mental health, and they actually do have
4:27
Speaker 5: an emotional connection that we need to delve deeper into
4:31
Speaker 5: because they're not funny and they're not things that we
4:33
Speaker 5: should flippantly laugh about and be the reason why we're
4:36
Speaker 5: bad at money, Like it's not okay. And then when
4:39
Speaker 5: we look at the term tighters, maybe you are tight
4:41
Speaker 5: with money to the point where it takes up all
4:42
Speaker 5: your energy and all your brain space and you can't
4:44
Speaker 5: part with money without intense anxiety. That's a completely different
4:48
Speaker 5: thing than the way I flippantly throw it at you.
4:50
Speaker 2: George.
4:51
Speaker 5: I call you that because you're just a really good
4:53
Speaker 5: saver and good at managing your own values and beliefs
4:57
Speaker 5: around money, and it's kind of funny in that contraxt
5:00
Speaker 5: So I think it's interesting to see both sides of
5:03
Speaker 5: that because I know you deeply enough to know that
5:06
Speaker 5: that's not an issue. Whereas if you threw that term
5:09
Speaker 5: around someone who genuinely was suffering pretty severe money anxiety,
5:13
Speaker 5: that just might perpetuate it. And we need to be
5:16
Speaker 5: really careful, George, because as much as some people use
5:19
Speaker 5: it really flippantly, these terms can impact you if you
5:23
Speaker 5: are experiencing really significant financial stress or financial trauma, and
5:27
Speaker 5: you never know.
5:28
Speaker 4: Okay, speaking of financial stress versus financial trauma, are they
5:33
Speaker 4: two different things?
5:34
Speaker 2: They are very very different things.
5:36
Speaker 5: Stress can be used to motivate us, like put a
5:38
Speaker 5: little bit of pressure on me to organize podcast recording
5:41
Speaker 5: because it's tomorrow.
5:42
Speaker 2: I'm going to do it. Stress drives me, guys, That's fine,
5:45
Speaker 2: I've seen it that many times. That's manageable stress.
5:48
Speaker 5: However, sometimes that extends beyond being a motivator and becomes
5:53
Speaker 5: very detrimental to someone's life. Whereas trauma can shut down
5:57
Speaker 5: our ability to take helpful action in time highly and
6:01
Speaker 5: it usually.
6:01
Speaker 2: Stems from a traumatic experience.
6:03
Speaker 5: Financial stress might be like, oh, just get a bit
6:05
Speaker 5: stressed when I organize my budget. You doing budgeting if
6:10
Speaker 5: you have significant trauma in your history is a different
6:13
Speaker 5: topic completely. G So financial stress is something everybody experiences.
6:17
Speaker 2: We all have it.
6:18
Speaker 5: Life is expensive and how wages often don't match the
6:21
Speaker 5: things that we want. This can cause emotional and physical
6:25
Speaker 5: distress and can be ongoing through life at various different
6:28
Speaker 5: stages and different levels.
6:30
Speaker 2: And then financial trauma.
6:31
Speaker 5: Is characterized as a dysfunctional reaction to chronic financial stress.
6:36
Speaker 5: The indicators of financial trauma often really similar to those
6:41
Speaker 5: experienced by people with post traumatic stress disorder, which I
6:44
Speaker 5: find not surprising, but some of you might be like, Wow,
6:47
Speaker 5: I didn't realize.
6:48
Speaker 2: It was so extreme. Yeah, and it is.
6:51
Speaker 5: They manifest in several different areas of a person's life.
6:54
Speaker 5: They often prevent them from ever feeling successful, safe, or
6:57
Speaker 5: it ease when money is concerned. It doesn't take a
7:00
Speaker 5: long period of stress around money to ingrain financial trauma,
7:04
Speaker 5: and it's easily passed down from generation to generation as
7:08
Speaker 5: unconscious belief systems.
7:11
Speaker 4: So does this have a lot to do with our
7:12
Speaker 4: money stories and where we kind of come from.
7:15
Speaker 5: Yeah, so part of your money story could be financial trauma.
7:18
Speaker 5: If you think about it, it makes sense like, if
7:21
Speaker 5: you've got financial trauma in your money story, that's something
7:24
Speaker 5: you need to work through and really recognize, because trauma
7:28
Speaker 5: is going to, in any sense of the word, impact
7:31
Speaker 5: your life if you don't address it.
7:33
Speaker 4: Actually. On that v my next point was that epigenetics,
7:36
Speaker 4: so that's the study of your behaviors and the environment
7:39
Speaker 4: and how that can cause changes and affect the way
7:41
Speaker 4: your genes work. That actually tells us that trauma can
7:44
Speaker 4: be passed down generationally. So should we be looking at
7:47
Speaker 4: financial trauma in the same way.
7:48
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, I mean it's not ingrained in your genes
7:52
Speaker 5: in the same way that epigenetics is. However, your parents' thoughts, values,
7:57
Speaker 5: beliefs around money are what you grew up with. Your parents,
8:00
Speaker 5: your caretaker, whoever brought you up, or whoever you were
8:04
Speaker 5: exposed to as a child, is going to have some
8:07
Speaker 5: level of impact on you. If you grew up in
8:09
Speaker 5: a really wealthy household and money was never an issue,
8:13
Speaker 5: maybe you don't get that pit in the bottom of
8:15
Speaker 5: your stomach when money comes up. But if you grew
8:18
Speaker 5: up in a household where money was scarce and mum
8:21
Speaker 5: and dad argued all the time, over what they could
8:24
Speaker 5: and couldn't afford and put some guilt on you, George
8:27
Speaker 5: when you said you wanted to do dance lessons but
8:29
Speaker 5: they couldn't afford it. Maybe now, as an adult, when
8:32
Speaker 5: you want to do anything for yourself, you harbor a
8:34
Speaker 5: lot of guilt and a lot of anxiety when it
8:36
Speaker 5: comes to making decisions for yourself or treating yourself, because
8:40
Speaker 5: every time you've ever tried to treat yourself, it's been
8:42
Speaker 5: met with negativity. Whereas a completely flip example of this is,
8:47
Speaker 5: you know, maybe mum and Dad had really tight budgets
8:50
Speaker 5: and didn't have enough money, but they were really positive
8:52
Speaker 5: about it, and they really taught you. All right, g
8:55
Speaker 5: which don't have lots of money, but it's a tool,
8:57
Speaker 5: and we use this tool to create the life we want.
9:00
Speaker 5: And you go, I really want to go to dance lessons.
9:01
Speaker 5: They go, all right, Gee, unfortunately we can't do that
9:04
Speaker 5: right now.
9:05
Speaker 2: Have a look at the budget. You understand it.
9:07
Speaker 5: As a child, you don't harbor the same amount of
9:10
Speaker 5: trauma because of the way it's been dealt with, so
9:12
Speaker 5: absolutely it can be passed down.
9:15
Speaker 2: Gee. Was their bankruptcy growing up?
9:17
Speaker 5: Was their shame around unemployment, was their detachment or complete
9:21
Speaker 5: refusal to discuss money as a family. Maybe you had
9:24
Speaker 5: an urge to jump in and pay for other people
9:26
Speaker 5: when it wasn't expected and you just can't afford it.
9:28
Speaker 5: That could actually be part of your trauma story. It's
9:31
Speaker 5: bigger than what you might think it is.
9:34
Speaker 4: Okay, Obviously, emotions are really closely tied to our financial choices.
9:39
Speaker 4: We talk about all the time. So if we try
9:43
Speaker 4: and take our emotion out of it, just crunching the
9:46
Speaker 4: numbers and coming up with a strict budget that makes
9:48
Speaker 4: sense and gives us that clarity, is that going to
9:50
Speaker 4: help us solve the problem?
9:51
Speaker 2: Or Okay, sorry, sorry, you can't do that might be there.
9:55
Speaker 5: I mean, if you would like to do a budget,
9:57
Speaker 5: there is a free budget on my website. You can
9:59
Speaker 5: go and download. Absolutely no catch, go organize your finances.
10:03
Speaker 2: I actually really want you to.
10:05
Speaker 5: However, when it comes to financial trauma and dealing with it,
10:09
Speaker 5: just budgeting is not enough.
10:11
Speaker 2: We need a holistic approach.
10:12
Speaker 5: And I know you know that I love a budget
10:15
Speaker 5: and number crunching, but we really need to be paying
10:18
Speaker 5: attention to these feelings and considering why they actually exist
10:21
Speaker 5: in the first place. You won't be free even with
10:24
Speaker 5: a budget and different formulas if you're carrying unconscious trauma,
10:27
Speaker 5: because at the end of the day, it's going to
10:29
Speaker 5: work against your best interests. I could sit you down
10:33
Speaker 5: with a budget, g doesn't change anything unless we know
10:36
Speaker 5: our money story, So.
10:38
Speaker 4: Probably a counselor. But we will be talking about ways
10:40
Speaker 4: that we can work through our financial trauma on the
10:43
Speaker 4: other side of the break, and we'll be talking about
10:45
Speaker 4: plenty more. So don't go anywhay, guds.
10:52
Speaker 1: V.
10:52
Speaker 4: Let's dive straight back in. Can you please provide some
10:55
Speaker 4: really clear signs of financial trauma?
10:57
Speaker 2: All right?
10:58
Speaker 5: So the first sign of financial trauma, i'd say is
11:01
Speaker 5: financial avoidance. Yep. So this could look like not opening bills,
11:06
Speaker 5: not interacting with bookkeeping as a business owner, or avoiding
11:10
Speaker 5: any and all types of conversations around finance. This year
11:15
Speaker 5: is linked inherently as humans to our fight, flight, freeze
11:19
Speaker 5: or faun response, and at its most intense level, its dissociation.
11:24
Speaker 5: So from my perspective, G, this response makes a lot
11:27
Speaker 5: of sense for someone whose relationship to money is paired
11:29
Speaker 5: with intense feelings if fear or pain or insecurity, and
11:34
Speaker 5: they can come from any experience. So there's no categorization
11:39
Speaker 5: of what the trauma has to be to mean that
11:43
Speaker 5: you experience it same as other types of trauma. Like
11:46
Speaker 5: one thing to one person might have a completely separate
11:49
Speaker 5: outcome as another. There's no that was trauma or this wasn't.
11:53
Speaker 5: These are the feelings And if that's how you're feeling
11:56
Speaker 5: about an outcome or a circumstance or an experience in
12:00
Speaker 5: your life, then you are carrying trauma regardless of what
12:03
Speaker 5: it is. I really hate when people compare it and say, oh,
12:06
Speaker 5: but someone else has it worse, Like that is not
12:09
Speaker 5: how this community works.
12:10
Speaker 2: Like everybody's concerned.
12:12
Speaker 5: Everybody's experiences are valid and you are more than welcome
12:16
Speaker 5: to feel your feelings. Even if someone over the other
12:19
Speaker 5: side of the world or even across the other side
12:21
Speaker 5: of the room has had to arguably quote worse experience.
12:25
Speaker 2: That doesn't invalidate the feelings that you have.
12:27
Speaker 4: Yeah, one of the things we talk about a lot
12:29
Speaker 4: in the community is compulsive spending and over spending. Could
12:33
Speaker 4: they also be signs of financial trauma?
12:35
Speaker 2: Of course they could be.
12:37
Speaker 5: So this could look like anything from spending too much
12:40
Speaker 5: money on eating out or splurging on major purchases with
12:43
Speaker 5: money that you don't have, which I think can be
12:45
Speaker 5: really common. I used to do it. I was carrying
12:48
Speaker 5: a level of financial trauma. I got through it because
12:51
Speaker 5: I worked through my money story and have decided to
12:53
Speaker 5: repivot that and change. If you're someone who is struggling
12:57
Speaker 5: with that, it's really important to do some internal reflection.
13:00
Speaker 5: And I know it can be really hard asking yourself
13:02
Speaker 5: why you might be doing that spending because you're trying
13:05
Speaker 5: to sue the pain that you haven't recognized, or maybe
13:08
Speaker 5: you're a little bit like me in that you chase
13:11
Speaker 5: a dopamine hit. So, as you guys know, I've spoken
13:14
Speaker 5: about it on the podcast before, I have ADHD. I
13:17
Speaker 5: chase dopamine hits, love spending money. That's why I have
13:21
Speaker 5: to be so clear about my budget and cash flow
13:24
Speaker 5: and be on top of that because otherwise it will
13:26
Speaker 5: get out of control. So obviously I love a dopamine hit. George,
13:30
Speaker 5: which aghd person do you know that doesn't love a
13:32
Speaker 5: dopamine hit? But basically the response of overspending can stem
13:36
Speaker 5: from the common narratives around money in dominant cultures.
13:39
Speaker 2: For example, if you.
13:40
Speaker 5: Ever feel bored or sad or lonely or inadequate, something's
13:44
Speaker 5: wrong with you, or you need to fix it right away,
13:46
Speaker 5: and you can do that by buying something or consuming
13:49
Speaker 5: something like that seems to be a pretty common response, right,
13:53
Speaker 5: not feeling good about myself? Do you know how I'll
13:54
Speaker 5: make myself feel good. I'm going to go buy a
13:56
Speaker 5: nice new outfit that'll make me look good, and then
13:58
Speaker 5: I'll feel good. That is the ment behind a lot
14:01
Speaker 5: of overspending. In many ways, overspending can actually be a
14:05
Speaker 5: form of financial avoidance, even though you're spending, because consumption
14:09
Speaker 5: is a really temporary way to deal with pain while
14:12
Speaker 5: avoiding the reality of your bigger financial picture.
14:16
Speaker 4: How do you know if it's financial trauma or if
14:18
Speaker 4: you're just being financially careless?
14:20
Speaker 5: Though, I think the difference is around how we went
14:24
Speaker 5: back to the stress, the anxiety, the dissociation, the feeling
14:28
Speaker 5: of not wanting to address those things. I think you'd
14:30
Speaker 5: pretty clearly be able to say after listening to some
14:34
Speaker 5: of this podcast, Oh, yeah, I'm just not across my
14:36
Speaker 5: budget and I just I don't care to. Yeah, I'm
14:39
Speaker 5: actually burying my head in this hand. And when I
14:42
Speaker 5: go shopping. That's one of my coping mechanisms. I think
14:45
Speaker 5: there's a very different feeling to those things, and you
14:49
Speaker 5: might not be able to directly identify it. And if
14:51
Speaker 5: that's you, I think we need to sit down and
14:53
Speaker 5: have a little bit of a think about why do
14:55
Speaker 5: I do the things that I do? Where is this
14:58
Speaker 5: coming from? Why am I over You know, there's lots
15:01
Speaker 5: of reasons why people overspend. I mentioned ADHD before. Neurodivergent
15:05
Speaker 5: people are very good at overspending. It's got nothing to
15:09
Speaker 5: do with financial trauma and everything to do with the
15:12
Speaker 5: most neurodivergent people are actually chasing more dopamine hits than.
15:15
Speaker 2: The average bear.
15:16
Speaker 5: So there are lots of different reasons as to why
15:18
Speaker 5: you could overspend. But I think we need to look
15:21
Speaker 5: back at what I said in the first half of
15:23
Speaker 5: the episode that financial trauma is characterized as a dysfunctional
15:27
Speaker 5: reaction to chronic financial stress. We're not just a little
15:31
Speaker 5: bit stressed, it's chronic. It's really really bad.
15:35
Speaker 4: So with that said, VI, I feel like what I'm
15:37
Speaker 4: garnering is that a lot of this stuff is compulsive.
15:40
Speaker 4: It's not just I love shopping on the weekend. It's
15:44
Speaker 4: a real drive that you can't fight am I right?
15:48
Speaker 2: Is that? Yeah?
15:48
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like when we talk about overspending, there's just a
15:51
Speaker 5: lot to it. Obviously, it could be symp trauma. It's
15:55
Speaker 5: just one of the indicators. However, when we talk about
15:57
Speaker 5: compulsive spending, compulsive spence could be likened to an addiction,
16:02
Speaker 5: like someone compulsively uses drugs or compulsively goes to the pokies.
16:06
Speaker 5: It's not something that they feel like they can control.
16:09
Speaker 5: It's not just like ha ha ha, I just bought
16:11
Speaker 5: a new dress. I can't control myself. Like, no, that's
16:14
Speaker 5: not it. And we actually really need to be quite
16:17
Speaker 5: serious about these topics because as much as it's you know,
16:20
Speaker 5: a little bit of fun to buy address that cheeky
16:22
Speaker 5: shouldn't have bought on a Friday night to go out
16:24
Speaker 5: with the girls, that's not compulsive spending.
16:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay.
16:29
Speaker 4: On the flip side of compulsive spending, V is compulsive
16:33
Speaker 4: under spending a thing?
16:34
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, it is a thing.
16:36
Speaker 5: I mean it's probably not a coined term, but we
16:38
Speaker 5: are going to coin it right here now. But a
16:40
Speaker 5: severe lack of spending, even when the money is available,
16:43
Speaker 5: can also be a really big indicator of financial trauma,
16:47
Speaker 5: excessive risk, aversion is connected with fear and scarcity around money,
16:52
Speaker 5: and that could actually stem from someone having experiences in
16:55
Speaker 5: life where money was really tight and that now causes
16:58
Speaker 5: fear intrepidation around space, and that can be crippling because
17:02
Speaker 5: you might be putting off spending you have to make.
17:05
Speaker 5: So I know of circumstances where people literally put off
17:08
Speaker 5: spending money on their rent because they just feel such
17:12
Speaker 5: an anxiety of having that money go out of their bank,
17:14
Speaker 5: even though they've got more than sufficient funds. They refuse
17:18
Speaker 5: to go to the supermarket and buy a healthy diet
17:22
Speaker 5: because they're so anxious.
17:24
Speaker 2: About spending money.
17:25
Speaker 5: Like we're not talking here about hahaha, I don't spend money,
17:29
Speaker 5: and I am a little bit anxious sometimes because I'm
17:32
Speaker 5: trying to say for a house.
17:34
Speaker 2: We're talking this is crippling.
17:36
Speaker 5: And I think that those are the terms that we
17:38
Speaker 5: need to keep in mind and not just flippantly go, oh, well,
17:42
Speaker 5: I have some financial trauma and use that as a
17:44
Speaker 5: brace to justify your spending habits.
17:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.
17:47
Speaker 4: I think that's one of the things worth pointing out,
17:49
Speaker 4: is that trauma can be a word that's really overused
17:51
Speaker 4: in twenty twenty two. So I think clarifying that this
17:54
Speaker 4: is a real yeah quotation marks thing that people are
17:58
Speaker 4: dealing with is important because I think think a lot
18:00
Speaker 4: of people might look at this episode and be like,
18:02
Speaker 4: financial trauma, heard it all.
18:03
Speaker 2: But this is really legitimate.
18:04
Speaker 5: No, I agree, and I would summarize this here. I
18:07
Speaker 5: know you've got some more questions, but if you have
18:09
Speaker 5: financial trauma, I genuinely believe you need some level of therapy,
18:13
Speaker 5: Like you need to go and work through those things.
18:15
Speaker 5: And often the same with all other trauma. Often it's
18:18
Speaker 5: not something you can work through on your own because
18:21
Speaker 5: it's not just a little bit stressed and I can
18:23
Speaker 5: grab a stressful and work it out, like that's something
18:25
Speaker 5: that actually requires some deep work and that's hard. And
18:29
Speaker 5: you know, plugging right here our debt free hotline friends,
18:33
Speaker 5: they are the perfect resource because they're.
18:35
Speaker 2: Free financial counseling.
18:37
Speaker 5: You don't have to be up to your eyeballs in
18:39
Speaker 5: debt to reach out to a financial counselor. It could
18:43
Speaker 5: just be stress and anxiety and not feeling like you
18:46
Speaker 5: can get on top of your money, or you're really
18:49
Speaker 5: not sure what you want to say to a financial counselor.
18:52
Speaker 5: But you just listen to this episode and it's resonating.
18:55
Speaker 5: Maybe start the conversation there.
18:57
Speaker 4: We will get to some more solution if you are
19:00
Speaker 4: someone who's struggling, So hang around to the end of
19:02
Speaker 4: the show for that, and we will, of course links course.
19:08
Speaker 4: But how important would you say healthy boundaries around money
19:12
Speaker 4: are when it comes to this stuff.
19:13
Speaker 5: Very regardless of whether you have financial trauma or not.
19:16
Speaker 5: I think that there always should be healthy boundaries around money.
19:19
Speaker 5: In fact, we're talking offline about our future show episodes,
19:23
Speaker 5: and I said, let's do a financial red flags when dating,
19:27
Speaker 5: because I genuinely think from the very start of any
19:30
Speaker 5: relationship we need to have healthy boundaries and we need
19:33
Speaker 5: to be able to identify what that actually looks like
19:36
Speaker 5: and what a red flag looks like if it comes up. So,
19:39
Speaker 5: from my perspective, having a lack of boundaries or a
19:42
Speaker 5: discomfort with setting boundaries around finances really looks like undercharging
19:47
Speaker 5: if you're a business owner I'm talking directly to you,
19:51
Speaker 5: or under earning and not being willing to negotiate your
19:54
Speaker 5: own salary, not negotiating for rages is yourself is actually
19:58
Speaker 5: an indicator that you're not playing seeing from my perspective,
20:01
Speaker 5: enough value on yourself. Not making clear payment terms on
20:05
Speaker 5: contracts is another indicator. People will go into business without
20:08
Speaker 5: clear contracts around the working relationship that they have. And
20:12
Speaker 5: while it can be uncomfortable for anyone to navigate money conversations,
20:16
Speaker 5: let's be honest. A repeated lack of boundaries around finance
20:20
Speaker 5: can be an indicator. But there might be some trauma
20:23
Speaker 5: that's present that is stopping you from standing in your
20:27
Speaker 5: power and advocating for what you need in that relationship.
20:30
Speaker 5: And this could stem from learned mindsets that put a
20:33
Speaker 5: cap on your perceived worth and prevent you from believing
20:36
Speaker 5: that you actually deserve more. So all of that, to
20:40
Speaker 5: me is really important. But healthy boundaries around money are
20:43
Speaker 5: always a priority in this house.
20:46
Speaker 4: All right, let's finish off today's show V by talking
20:49
Speaker 4: through what we can do if we are struggling with
20:51
Speaker 4: the repercussions of financial trauma. Where do we start?
20:55
Speaker 5: So, just like any other form of trauma, financial trauma
20:58
Speaker 5: has a whole host of recons sources that you can
21:01
Speaker 5: lean on to help you throw it. It needs to
21:03
Speaker 5: be brought into the light and given far more time
21:05
Speaker 5: and space though, So that's what we're hoping to do
21:08
Speaker 5: with this podcast and it needs to be unviced and
21:10
Speaker 5: challenged and soothed. So here are some things that you
21:13
Speaker 5: can do I mentioned before. Get some counseling, Go see
21:17
Speaker 5: a psychologist. If you're in a circumstance where you're able
21:21
Speaker 5: to pay for that advice fantastic, Head to your GP
21:25
Speaker 5: talk to them about a mental health care plan.
21:27
Speaker 2: If you're in a.
21:28
Speaker 5: Bit of a financially constrained circumstance, still, head to a
21:33
Speaker 5: GP bul billing GP talk to them about a mental
21:36
Speaker 5: health care plan and get a bulk billing psychologist. That
21:41
Speaker 5: will mean that you will get a minimum of six
21:44
Speaker 5: but according to and I'm pretty sure this is still
21:47
Speaker 5: true up to twenty sessions because of COVID with a
21:50
Speaker 5: psychologist that will literally be bulk built, and that can
21:54
Speaker 5: be really helpful. When you're feeling triggered, notice what's happening
21:58
Speaker 5: with your body, and use your sense is to regulate
22:01
Speaker 5: your nervous system. So this is something that I do
22:03
Speaker 5: might help you. But breathe, focus on your sensitive smell
22:07
Speaker 5: and the space you're in, and ground yourself. Something I
22:10
Speaker 5: find really helpful, especially if I'm quite stressed, is to
22:14
Speaker 5: just go on YouTube and look up grounded breathing exercise,
22:17
Speaker 5: and there are a whole heap of free videos that
22:19
Speaker 5: you can just do and follow along. I don't expect
22:22
Speaker 5: everyone to know how to ground themselves, but if you're
22:25
Speaker 5: feeling a bit panicked or a bit stressed, that can
22:27
Speaker 5: help a lot. Separate yourself from this narrative. So if
22:32
Speaker 5: it's like I'm bad with money or I'm horrible with
22:34
Speaker 5: money because I have credit cards, it's okay, it's all right.
22:38
Speaker 5: I can see where you're coming from. But let's separate
22:41
Speaker 5: ourselves from the narrative that our money story defines us,
22:44
Speaker 5: because it doesn't. Our money story happened to us.
22:48
Speaker 2: Great.
22:49
Speaker 5: Do you know what we can't do change that? Do
22:51
Speaker 5: you know what we can do change the future? We
22:54
Speaker 5: can put ourselves in a better circumstance. We can rewrite
22:57
Speaker 5: generational trauma, we can read write generational money habits and
23:02
Speaker 5: thoughts and values and beliefs. But we actually have to
23:04
Speaker 5: put in a bit of work to do that.
23:06
Speaker 4: And we need to change the story we tell ourselves. Right,
23:08
Speaker 4: because that happens, it's exactly so many different.
23:11
Speaker 2: Areas of our lives.
23:12
Speaker 4: You're just exactly it's a self flielling prophecy.
23:14
Speaker 5: We also just need to change the language, like, oh,
23:16
Speaker 5: I'm horrible with money because I have credit card debt.
23:19
Speaker 2: No you're not.
23:20
Speaker 5: Have you learned how to do money before? No, I'd
23:23
Speaker 5: argue you haven't because there's no financial literacy program taught
23:28
Speaker 5: in schools in Australia. Most parents have not sat their
23:31
Speaker 5: kids down and taught them the basis of financial literacy.
23:34
Speaker 5: It's a product of your upbringing, not of your intelligence.
23:38
Speaker 5: And I think that if we can just go, well,
23:40
Speaker 5: I have a credit card and I'm going to get
23:41
Speaker 5: out of it because I'm smart enough to do that, fantastic.
23:44
Speaker 5: Let's reframe and rewrite that narrative do things as well,
23:48
Speaker 5: quite gently. But explore your own story, maybe journaling or writing,
23:53
Speaker 5: or letting the subconscoes stumble out onto paper without any
23:56
Speaker 5: type of regulation. You're not writing for somebody else. You're
23:59
Speaker 5: writing for your self so that you can understand it.
24:02
Speaker 5: You can rip the paper up later, you can hide it,
24:04
Speaker 5: you can burn it, you can do whatever you want,
24:05
Speaker 5: flash it down the toilet if you're worried about people
24:07
Speaker 5: seeing it. But I think that that can actually be
24:10
Speaker 5: quite a soothing process to get things out.
24:14
Speaker 2: It helps to organize your thoughts. It's definitely yeah, it
24:17
Speaker 2: can't be positive affirmations. I think we love important.
24:20
Speaker 5: We love that, and then forgive yourself and be kind.
24:24
Speaker 2: Like, if you can't be kind.
24:26
Speaker 5: To yourself, how are other people going to know how
24:28
Speaker 5: to be kind to you. I think it's just be
24:31
Speaker 5: kind always, but be kind in particular to yourself.
24:35
Speaker 2: So that's all I've.
24:35
Speaker 4: Got, George, brilliant and as you said earlier, like not
24:38
Speaker 4: comparing your trauma to anyone else's and if you are
24:41
Speaker 4: feeling rubbish, own that and don't feel like you can't
24:45
Speaker 4: feel that way because the way you feel is valid.
24:47
Speaker 4: As you said, absolutely it is. As we flagged earlier
24:50
Speaker 4: as well. We will be linking to the National Debt
24:52
Speaker 4: helpline in the show notes fevers or anything you wanted
24:55
Speaker 4: to add before we head off.
24:57
Speaker 5: Nope, I think that is all we have time for today,
24:59
Speaker 5: my friend. So if you could just wrap the boring
25:02
Speaker 5: but important stuff, it would be appreciated with.
25:04
Speaker 4: Pleasure, my girl. The advice shared on She's on the
25:07
Speaker 4: Money is general in nature and does not consider your
25:09
Speaker 4: individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational
25:14
Speaker 4: purposes and should not be relied upon to make an
25:16
Speaker 4: investment or a financial decision. Victoria Divine and She's on
25:20
Speaker 4: the Money are authorized representatives of in Focused Securities Australia
25:24
Speaker 4: Proprietary Limited ABN for seven zero nine seven seven nine
25:27
Speaker 4: seven zero four nine afosal.
25:29
Speaker 2: Two through six five two three. We will see it
25:31
Speaker 2: on Friday. Guys by Yourself