Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Finding Joy, Play, and Relief in Overwhelming Mom Moments | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 1 Episode 10

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Finding Joy, Play, and Relief in Overwhelming Mom Moments | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 1 Episode 10 · Motherhood Uncut

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hi Deb.
0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hi, Kate.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: So, Deb, we're gonna lighten the load today in this podcast, right?
0:07
SPEAKER_00: We were sort of having a feeling that while we talk about so many important things here, that sometimes we also need to bring a little humor into this crazy old world of mothering.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes, we do.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Time to talk about our sponsors.
0:28
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0:30
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0:31
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0:35
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0:37
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0:41
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0:43
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0:48
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0:56
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1:02
SPEAKER_00: So check out the one clock.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: It is a great holiday gift, by the way.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Check it out.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: Deb has some really important workshops coming up for moms of daughters.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: She has one for daughters age nine to eleven.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: She also has one for daughters in middle school.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, if you are local and you're able to come to Boulder to do this workshop, which is for mothers with daughters in middle school, you're actually going to be setting up those middle school daughters to thrive in adolescence, in teenager life.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: I really, really want to encourage you guys to get on her website, motherdaughterjourney.co, and check out those courses.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: They are worth every penny.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: I have Kate Kripke.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: I have a free workshop coming up on October 22nd.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: Find your flourish from 10 to noon Mountain Standard Time.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: This workshop is really designed for any of you mothers out there who are ready to kickstart your health and wellness.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be bringing to you all kinds of really easy, manageable tools for beginning to create some momentum of feeling good.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: And I can really promise you that after those two hours together, you're going to walk away not just feeling better, but also having a sense of next steps and how to continue that journey of health and wellness.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So you can check out that out at K-A-T-E-K-R-I-P-K-E dot com.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the podcast.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: We love mothering with you.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: I I feel like you are an amazing mentor for me in the play and humor realm.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, you don't give yourself enough credit because you know how to laugh.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: I think I know how to laugh, but sometimes I take myself really seriously.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: And you have a way of like being like, really?
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Do we have to take it that seriously?
2:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is that you bring to the table, but I have always very much appreciated that.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: So today, thank you.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: What are we gonna offer our listeners today?
3:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think I want to start, we want to start, with how do we transition when something feels hard into lightening it?
3:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think we actually just had a really good experience of that.
3:18
SPEAKER_01: So we sure did.
3:19
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we'll start there.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: Um we I walked in, and you and I have this tradition when we start our talks, is we always sit and catch up for like 20 minutes.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: Before we start podcasting, we catch up.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: We catch up, because sometimes we'll have gone many days without eye-to-eye conversation.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: And so we catch up and see where we're at and kind of do a little temperature check, and then and then we kind of take it from there.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: And I and Kate, I walked in and you were in just this beautiful flow state of, you know, just rolling with your day.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: Kind of feeling good today.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: And I walked in with um a little bit of a heavy heart about some sad news that I heard and feeling a little spread thin and like I can't seem to keep up with emails right now and texting and bah, and just not feeling awesome.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: And so Which by can I just interrupt for a minute and say it's really this is perfect because so many times when we're in relationship with people, mom and kid, kid and mom, mom and partner, whoever it is, we're not synced up.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes, that is so such a good point, right?
4:26
SPEAKER_01: So you were gonna say more.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: So so I walked in feeling tight, and you walked in feeling flowy.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: And what really works for me to move through these pretty quickly is to like dump it, right?
4:47
SPEAKER_01: And and we've talked about this before, like, find a place where you can just dump it, not too long.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: I like to give myself a little time limit on it because I don't really want to get stuck there, but I also want to like say it all.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: And you have this incredible way of holding it and listening.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: And I knew we had a time limit, which was really helpful, but I literally told you like every detail.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: You did, and you were okay.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: I was I was totally okay, probably in part because I was feeling flowy and resilient, right?
5:18
SPEAKER_00: So it's sometimes it's hard to bring our stuff to someone who's also tense sometimes, right?
5:24
SPEAKER_00: Yep, but I think what we want our listeners to know is that we were able to shift from really important and valid heaviness to lightness pretty quickly.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: And I can just people can't see you.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Actually, if you're watching the video, you can see us.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: People can't see you who are listening, and you actually are very like you've got this adorable hat on, and these beautiful feathery earrings, and this jean jacket vest, you're all like hip and and you're you are also like smiling a million times more than when you first walked in the door.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: I feel happier, right?
6:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think so.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: Just to recap, you had the capacity to hold the space for me today.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: And granted, this was 10 minutes of venting, and I trusted you enough to tell you every little detail, which I probably would hold back on some situations with maybe a different different human or something.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: Yes, but and then just naming it for me gets it out.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: And again, this is like we nothing new but name it to tame it, like move through, and then choose, right?
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Like it's a beautiful day.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at the sky, I'm with my girlfriend, we're about to podcast.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, let's just choose to like change the channel.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: So that is what this podcast is about today.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: When things are feeling heavy and kind of gruelsome, I don't know if that's a word, but you know, you know what I mean?
6:54
SPEAKER_00: Like really heavy and annoying and complicated, and there are kids crying, and we have a ton of shit to do, and we don't like what do we do in those moments to shift towards humor and play?
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Because it is important to be able to shift towards humor and play.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: So let's let's actually play with some tools.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Great, like right off the get-go, because there's there's right off the get-go.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Right off the get-go.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Girls only I know.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, this is just where we're up today.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: It's a giddy day.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so if we're gonna talk about this idea of changing the channel, let's just riff off ways we do that.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Great.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I can't tell you how many moments that I have been in those those witching hours, regardless of my child's age or children's ages, from like four to six thirty.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: That is a tough window.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: That's a tough window.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: And and the my favorite thing to do in those moments is turn on music.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you and music are you're you you co-regulate with music.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: You really do.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: So say more, what music might you turn on between four and six p.m.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Well, if I'm first doing self-care, I'm kind of like always go to Joni Mitchell.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: You do, she's your girl.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: I can't do too too much, but she kind of sets me in a good space.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: But if I'm actually needing to connect with my kids in a different way, sometimes I'll have them choose the music.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: And that actually helps them co-regulate.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: And hopefully I'm in a place then when I can deal with their music.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of a lot of times like their music.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I really can't stand it, but and then it that actually helps them shift.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: If that's not working, I actually go to classical music.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: So, okay, just because we're getting in there, yeah.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what Joni Mitchell pulls up in you and what classical music pulls up in you.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just gonna go on a well, no, we'll start with those two.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: So, Joni, I mean, in my mind, I have the most beautiful voice that gets really high pitches.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: I feel like we talked about this in the first episode where we did our alter egos.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay, tell me about her.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: In in real life, I have a very low voice and I can't sing very well, but her some of her lyrics, I just love to belt them out and sing them.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: And like California, that's like a go-to for me.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: Sing it for us.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: No, no.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so when you're listening, will you belt out like the music?
9:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here's something I find really interesting about this.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: I actually have heard so many people, not just you, but talk about the power that music has on our mood, right?
9:40
SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this here before, but many people have actually studied that, right?
9:44
SPEAKER_00: And I know that if I walk into a room and it's really quiet, the the mood, it's almost like the mood vibrates differently than if I walk in a room and they're the same people with the same grumpiness going on, but there's music.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I said that the way I mean to, but music really does have this way of pulling into our internal sensory experience to shift things pretty quickly.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like really important medicine.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: You know, uh also with Joni, I'm also lean towards the dead.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: I will just put on my classic favorite Grave Will Dead songs, and just like this is also where Deb and I differ.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: We're so different, we're so different.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Hallelujah.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: But also so similar.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what do you do?
10:33
SPEAKER_01: Wait, I have a question first, though.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: What does classical bring up for you?
10:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, classical.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: It's funny, I don't know very much about classical, but it calms my nervous system.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: And I I don't even I just kind of put in classical radio.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't even have a specific thing, and I and it actually when my kids' energy is high, it shifts it.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: And when they're doing homework, I notice that's a good background music.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: It's sort of when we're not engaging.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: That's like a good tool.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: So one of the things I think we're saying here indirectly, which we'll just make direct, is that it's really important when there's a sort of heavy, complicated, chaotic energy happening.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: Not to resist that energy, because that's the worst when we're like resisting what is, but to remember that we can offer up another energy at the same time, another experience of something at the same time, so that we can choose.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: Where am I gonna put my attention?
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna put my attention on the reality that I have this dinner I need to make right now and I'm behind and it's frustrating and I'm out of milk?
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Or and at the same time, can I focus on the music that's uplifting me so that we don't have to always do this either or, right?
11:53
SPEAKER_00: We can make room for two experiences at the same time.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: And for me, when I do that, if I make room for the joy or the content or the settling, the other stuff, the chaos, the bad moods, the lack of something that I think I need, it takes up less space because there's other things to focus on.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: I love that, Kate.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: It's like it re reminding me just of wherever you are, whatever's going on, the ability to hold polarities I is like that when we increase our capacity to hold polarities, I think we find more peace.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: We sure do.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So what we're saying right now is you don't turn on the Jody Mitchell or the Grateful Dead or the Classical to not feel whatever was happening at the same time.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Chaotic, annoyed, heavy, overwhelmed.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: You turn it on while you feel those things.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Heavy, annoyed, overwhelmed.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: Because if you give yourself a blanket of something else that feels good, it's less burdensome to have that uncomfortable feeling.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: Right?
12:59
SPEAKER_01: And in the moments where I choose to put on the kids' music, oh yes, that is actually okay.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: So you can probably relate to this.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Do you ever have those moments where you kind of have an idea that you're gonna be in connection with your kids and you're just not?
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: And it's like you so like set it up to be like it's connection time.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: That's such that's so much pressure.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: It's so much pressure, and I think we as moms can all relate.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: And like, even if it's like a day skiing and I'm like supposed to be having fun and I'm just not present, those are really hard moments.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they are, and so in those moments, let's put us back in the kitchen preparing.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: And if I want to bring them in and I'm just not really feeling it, that's when I might invite them to start put put their own music on because then I'm sort of entering into their world, and I can like still hold whatever's happening to me, but I can also, you know, give that a little bit of space and choose to go into their world and understand them in a different way, and it gets me out of my own way.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: Sure does, and you're the grown-up, yes, right?
14:08
SPEAKER_00: We can't expect our kids to come to where we are all the time.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we need to meet them where they are, which might be with I don't know, what what is the music in your kids' house right now?
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like I'm still stuck with like I don't even I don't even know what I want to say, Katy Perry.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: I think maybe my girls are a little beyond Katy Perry.
14:27
SPEAKER_01: They are a hundred percent beyond Katy Perry.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but maybe Harry Styles, Harry Space Lizzo, Lizzo, which I actually like that music.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I kind of want to get up and dance right now.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I here's something that I do often.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: I one of the things I love more than anything is lighting a candle.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: Why?
14:46
SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you first that it's like my husband's worst nightmare.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: How come?
14:51
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: He has a million things, like it's a thing that shouldn't be out there taking up space, and then he has a thing about like the scents.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: But I have said to him often, I love having two things a candle for me, flame.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: Looking at flame does something so grounding for my spirit, and some candles smell so good, and I find my soul, spirit self gets so uplifted by beauty, right?
15:22
SPEAKER_00: And so when there is a beautiful scent, I just like feel different, even if I'm annoyed.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: That's a pretty quick one for me.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: So lighting a candle.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: You're accessing, you're waking up your senses.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes, smell, eyes.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: What else?
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I think I guess my point is it's a pretty easy thing to do, right?
15:42
SPEAKER_00: I can have kids who are bickering in the background, and I can have, you know, be realize that I didn't start making dinner until a little bit later, and I have work to do, and I am worried about something that happened earlier in the day, and all I and really it's pretty simple to just light the darn candle.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: And it just adds something, it shifts the focus on the crappiness to something for me that represents beauty.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: I've been talking about that a lot lately in some of my um, you know, Instagram reels.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: About how when I access beauty, I feel good.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: And when I feel good, I feel love.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: I absorb, receive, and give love more.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: And for me, beauty can be as small as like, oh, this candle amidst all this chaos, or it can be, you know, taking a moment and going to step outside to take a breath of fresh air.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Like it doesn't have to be this profoundly time-consuming thing.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: But I find the candle helpful.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: I will also add one other thing.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Yes, we're just gonna go back and forth and back and forth.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: But my one other thing, and this we've talked about on this podcast all the time if I start dancing, I feel better immediately.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: And let me be clear maybe I'm not the worst dancer in the world, but it's never like I didn't like take dancing lessons as a kid.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm fully dancing because it feels good in my body.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and everyone else around me and my family is rolling their eyes, but I feel better pretty quickly and I feel joyful, and I start laughing at myself, and then it like it helps me take everything a little less seriously.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm a big, big fan of that too.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: It's just it's it's it's being goofy, it's moving your blood, it's giving everyone else permission to be goofy.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: And let me remind you, even if they're rolling their eyes, they see you.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: I know.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: I know.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: Well, and I think to your point earlier about the music, it shifts something.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: It shifts it.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: That's what that's what we're learning how to do.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, this happens to me on almost every podcast.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: I have a thought and then it goes away.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, we just represent being human on this podcast.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I thought you came back.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, so this is something that I used to do when they were little, but I've been doing it a lot lately, and it's with my kids, and it's really makes me laugh.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: And the I ask them a question what's something that made you laugh today?
18:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so good.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: And and it makes everyone pause, and almost every time we can find something, and usually it leads to a story, and so it's like a win.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: I get to see them laugh, I get to know a little bit about their world.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: I usually laugh because oftentimes it's funny.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: If it's not, like I am not a fake laugher, so you know they'll be like, Did you think that was funny?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: And you know, then it opens an up different conversation.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: But but most of the time when they share something that made them laugh, I laugh, and then I can share something with them.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: And that's another shift for me.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: I love that example of shifting the focus of attention in our brains, right?
18:51
SPEAKER_00: We've been talking about shifting the focus of attention in the environment, but that is shifting the focus of attention in our brains, right?
18:59
SPEAKER_00: So if someone is has come home and is bringing into the community space in your house something really annoying or frustrating that happened, our attention is on that.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: And all you have to do is ask that question to shift the attention.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm wondering what just came up for me is sarcasm.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: Because I, and maybe sarcasm isn't the right word.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: I actually cannot stand sarcasm.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: So let me say what I mean differently.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean what let's talk a little bit about bringing humor to something that may not be originally seen as humorous.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: So I would use the word levity.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Levity.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Great.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about levity for a moment.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm curious to know what you think about that, um, the role of finding levity in traditionally non funny or light things.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: What's your opinion on that?
19:54
SPEAKER_00: And how do you I know you do this because you do it with me.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: So how do you do this in your household?
20:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm putting you on the spot.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you are.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: I because a lot of this is where I don't think things through often.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: They just sort of come.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: So let me put a little thought into it.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, let's first talk about it.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: What is levity?
20:15
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that word first.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: Because when I say that word, I actually feel it in my body.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think it's well, what comes up for me is perspective.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: Ah.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: It's actually like when I feel tight or heavy or overwhelmed, things get really narrow.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: And then when I can invite levity in, there's a bigger view.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: And this I'm gonna dig um digress.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: For for just a moment, that this is why nature and mountains serve me so much, because when I'm in the mountains, I feel insignificant in a really good way.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: And it actually gives me so much perspective and spaciousness of this big world.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: So my like problems in those moments seem less important.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: So let me shift that back to in a moment, let's say, and this just happened the other day, one of my girls was just talking about some like unkind shit that went down at school.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so we are breaking it down, and I'm listening, and it it didn't actually have to do with them, which was made it easier to have levity.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I'll just acknowledge that.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: So this person has this to this, and this one said this, and this one reacted that way.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm just listening and reflecting, and then all of a sudden I kind of like almost went like eagle over with her.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: No, I just in my mind I was like being an eagle and like looking at it from the above.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: And I invited my daughter.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Let's just peek into this from above.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: And like, how ridiculous is this?
21:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: And we both just burst out laughing about the absurdity of these jabs that these people were taking at each other.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, I was able to have perspective.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: I lent her perspective to like peek in from the top of you and then just see that it's just ridiculous.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: And so often, it I don't mean to sound like minimizing issues because that's not my intention, but when it's there's space to not take it so seriously, then we can do that.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think what I hear you talking about is removing the drama from things, you know.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, of course, we never want to minimize someone's real experience, but we tend to over-dramatize our experiences all the time with our thoughts and all that we project all this other stuff on top of something, we make it bigger than it actually might be.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: And that's part of what this example allows, is that the first of all, I did have this image of you standing on your kitchen counter and looking like an eagle with your daughters next to you.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll do that.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, but but that's part of what I hear is like let's look at this for what it is and then compare what it is to what we're making it into.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: And it kind of is funny.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: It can be funny.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: I had an experience, this had it's actually we've we're shift we've shifted, but last year, my girls were the best of friends unless it came to clothes and sharing clothes.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: And I kid you not, when I tell you that the explosions in my house, the name calling, the slamming doors, the like complaint around people not getting what they want.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: My daughter's not getting what they want with respect to the to the um sharing, was was actually insanity.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
23:40
SPEAKER_00: And the cuts were deep.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: They were, but it was one of those moments where I was like, wait a second, you're really you're you're you're making this kind of noise over whether or not you can wear someone's yellow t-shirt.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: So I made a rule, and at one day I was like, there is absolutely no more sharing in this household.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: I was like, there.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: I remember.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: And my girls like were so shocked.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: They looked at me and I was like, no, no, no more sharing.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was able to make it into a little bit of this, it was so ridiculous that I was telling them they were no longer allowed to share.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: And we all saw it as ridiculous, that it lightened it a little bit.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: So that brought levity.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so good.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: I think levity is important.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: And in mothering, we take ourselves and the things around us really seriously all the time.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know that that's in service of our mental health and wellness or our children's mental health and wellness.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't agree more.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: I another thing I think we take really seriously is our children's behavior.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Say more about that.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm just having this moment of we were away, and all of our kids were just being really annoying.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: They were just being humans, and we're all annoying at times, and they were all being particularly annoying.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:59
SPEAKER_01: And um, maybe two more than the other two, but like, um, and we were those were definitely your two, not much.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: And we crawled into bed with a glass of wine.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: We didn't want a parent at that moment.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: We were like, oh my god.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: And we just started giggling, and we were like, we hit the pause button, and we were like, it was just this really refreshing moment.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: We've had many of these moments, but this one stands out of you know, our kids are just gonna be cringy sometimes, they're gonna be awkward, they're gonna say all the wrong things, they're gonna be the one at the dinner table that's causing problems.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Like, uh no one gets a hall pass here, and so what would it be like to just pause and like give it space and not take their behavior so seriously?
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Actually, you're also saying something so important, which is giving ourselves permission with a safe adult to talk about the cringiness and to know that we can talk about our kids being so annoying or so cringy or whatever it is, and that doesn't mean we love them any less.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: No.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: But when we give ourselves permission to honor that part of this job and to say it out loud, and every time we've done that, we've ended up laughing about it.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it actually takes the sort of pressure and stigma out of all of it away.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: Then we can just see it as like cringiness with humor.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and humans.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: And humans they're just humans.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Of course, they're gonna be cringy and annoying.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: All right, so one more thought.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: And that is I think because so often mothering can feel isolating, as we've talked about, or identity major identity shifting, is that it's so essential for all of us moms to find lightness and fun in the mundane.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: Say more.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: So this is a place where I actually love for women to find kind of their unique gifts in how we all show up.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: And so it doesn't even have to be anything that special that you do, but it might be a moment where you're cooking with your kid.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: I know we're kind of stuck on this cooking.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: I know, I don't know why.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: But we we're going real good.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: Is um and this might sound a little redundant, actually, as I'm saying it, but I'm just gonna go with it.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: That cooking in itself can feel mundane.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: But we're talking about bringing music in, bringing dance, bringing conversation in.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: It's like those are I those are the places that we can find humor and fun in these small moments.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like spicing them up a little bit.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Meaning that when we a lot of times I think fun, the word fun and humor and levity kind of spring up this idea that we need to be doing something really special with our kids.
28:00
SPEAKER_01: And there's room for that.
28:02
SPEAKER_01: But when there's there's so many like snack size um opportunities to just blast the music in the car or play a game in the car, or you know, am I making sense?
28:18
SPEAKER_00: You're making so much sense, and the word that you use often that I love that's coming up for me right now is peppering.
28:23
SPEAKER_00: Pepper the mundane with some spice.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: Or pepper.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Right?
28:30
SPEAKER_00: Meaning it that we don't have to talk about these grand gestures.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: It's just how do you, you know, the I I did this thing once where um everyone was just in sort of a meh mood, and I have daughters that love to dress up and they love to do their hair and put on makeup.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, let's all dress up for dinner tonight.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Like there was no reason for it.
28:51
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: And I like they picked out my outfit from my closet, and we sort of sort of made this very normal daily activity a little spicier.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And it, yeah, it took 10 or 15 extra minutes, but it made everything else feel so good that those extra minutes, eating 10 or 15 minutes late, like was so worth it.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: Right.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: Because everyone showed up at the table a little lighter, yes, a little more playful.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: And I will, and I I actually really am feeling more and more in my life that when I give myself permission to access play and joy and the opposite of seriousness, I feel better and I'm like so much more available to everybody in those moments.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: You know?
29:35
SPEAKER_00: So it's peppering, it's just peppering all the it's you know, it's putting uh uh some fresh cut flowers in the living room table or on the dining room table, right?
29:44
SPEAKER_00: It's it's turning on music, as we talked about like 27 times today.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: It's you know, it's I don't know, adding just these little flares of something, and all of our listeners can have a different interest and different opinions about what feels good and doesn't feel good, but we want folks to know it's okay to add some flair to the daily life.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, motherhood is mundane and monotonous a lot of the time.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we all have the power to shift, we sure do.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: Our thoughts and our choices make all the difference.
30:18
SPEAKER_01: So I would love to invite our listeners to put in in our comments ways you shift.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: Yes, please.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: Like there's so many ways out there.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: We've only named a few, but I think we're probably all doing it naturally, and now we can just bring awareness to it and make it more intentional.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: And let's share ideas.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: We all need new ideas.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: We get stuck in our normal way of doing things.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: So we want you all to lighten up and have some fun.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: This can be listening.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: Let's go do something fun.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Bye y'all.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Bye.