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Is Your Spouse Really the Obstacle to Your Happiness? · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for July 27, 2026 Is your spouse really the obstacle to your happiness?
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  On Facebook, Jay Stringer said, Most couples believe their partner is the primary
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  obstacle to peace or flourishing.
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  Far fewer confront the ways they justify withdrawal, contempt,
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  emotional reactivity, or control because they are not receiving the response they most desire.
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  I was considering what to write about this week when my wonderful wife shared this quote with me.
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  I have felt that with both couples we work with and in my own marriage So let's
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  go with that this week I'm sure we've all seen our spouse as an obstacle on
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  occasion And sometimes that is valid,
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  Sharing life with my wife means I can't, or at least should not Do what I want
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  whenever I want without any regard for her.
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  So she is an obstacle to me living the way I did when I was single But I knew
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  that was the deal when I married her and I fully signed on for it Beyond that,
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  her health, mental or physical or her limitations can get in the way of me doing certain things.
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  Of course, I care for her and offer her love and grace, but I'm still blocked.
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  What Jay specified was being an obstacle to our peace or flourishing.
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  These are things that we all value highly and we get frustrated when we feel blocked.
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  The other thing Jay specified was seeing your spouse as the primary obstacle to having those things.
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  We are quick to focus on any little slight by our spouse and we tend to magnify
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  such things beyond what they are.
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  We are also very good at denying or minimizing the things that we have done to our spouse,
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  Doing these things is hardwired into us We don't want to be wrong and we will
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  gladly throw others under the bus to convince ourselves that we're not wrong
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  Or at least not the biggest part of the problem,
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  But even if we're not the biggest part of the problem The only part we can change
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  is what we do and don't do That is where our power to change things lies.
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  Jay says that in his experience working with couples, marriages often begin
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  to change when each partner becomes more interested in confronting themselves
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  than correcting one another. Lori and I see the same thing.
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  I dare you to focus less on what your spouse does and more on what you do.
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  It's a difficult thing to do, but it's also a powerful way to improve your life and your marriage.
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  This is Paul, and looking at yourself is doing marriage well. A note.
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  I've started doing a weekly digest podcast. Get the entire week in a single 12-15 minute file.
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  You should see it where you found this podcast, or follow the link in the show notes.