Latest / Hey Hana / Running on Empty (& I Have Thoughts!!)

Transcript

Running on Empty (& I Have Thoughts!!) · Hey Hana

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone, welcome into Hey Hannah.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everyone's enjoying their week so far.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be honest with you guys.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Today, today, as I'm recording this, was almost one of those I can't record days.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not for any particular reason, but also for every reason, if you know what I mean.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: One of those things I can't quite explain.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure you guys are sick of me talking about being tired.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And let's be honest, I don't even like to talk about it.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot talk about being tired.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not even gonna get into that, but you can assume what you want to assume based on the beginning of this podcast.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think last week I stopped recording and then I had a stern talking to with my best friend and her husband.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess I should say they had a stern talking to with me because they told me how I was doing pretty much everything wrong in terms of sleep training.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not everything, but I needed to like really, really lay the hammer down and commit.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't doing that.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, it's been seven months and I can't get my baby to sleep through the night.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's basically an entire summary of why my brain is always partially working.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: But in this conversation with my best friend and her husband, they were like, no, no, no, you have to do it this way and you have to do it this way, and just stick to the plan and stick to the guidelines of the thing and do the thing the right way.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And stop doing the thing halfway and having to repeat yourself and repeat yourself and not getting the right results that you want.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, you know what?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I get off the phone, I tell Peter, we're doing it, like with some fire in my eyes.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, we're doing it this way.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're sleep training the way the book says to sleep train, and we're not missing one ounce of a detail that they're telling us to do.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we did it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it was hard and it sucked all over again because we've done this before.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've said this so many times before.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a gentle crying it out method.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: It teaches the baby to fall asleep on their own.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: When they wake up in the middle of the night, they fall back asleep on their own, et cetera, et cetera.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: First few nights, hard.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then we got to a place where I was like, oh my gosh, I put her in the crib.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't cry at all.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: She just turns and goes to sleep.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, hollaloo, we made it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: She was still waking up at certain moments of the night because she's used to eating.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But like our pediatrician said, if you wake up and eat fruit loops at four in the morning, you're always gonna want to eat fruit loops at four in the morning.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So she was like, go cold turkey.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we did it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: But Little Miss has been waking up at those times, thinking she's gonna get food and then having to, like, you know, train herself to go back to sleep, which is hard to watch.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to do.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard on my body.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: My body's not used to not feeding all night.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wake up every morning and I'm like, oh my God.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: With that being said, we had one night, one night where she slept through the night.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I was ready to run a marathon after that.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I can do anything.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, as any parent knows, any milestone you hit with a baby, with a toddler, with a kid in general, it's not linear.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't last.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: It happens.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: You have one or two good nights of something, and then it's like, oh, we take three steps back the next night.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm saying all of this to say I feel like we were hitting a stride.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: We had a few good nights, and then last night, out of nowhere, all of the signs for teething came into the picture.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: The drooling, the tongue out, the rubbing her tongue on her gums, and then the crying incessantly.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my gosh.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when that happens, everything that you have been doing in sleep training goes out the window because they just like need their mom, they need their dad, they need to feel better, they need to be rocked to sleep, they need the full Monty.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So after a really difficult but successful week, we're back to square one with teething.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not actually back to square one, but mentally that's where I'm at.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Mentally, I feel like it's back to square one.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that's just me explaining where my head's at.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's a quick little life update.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We thought we turned a corner.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Mentally, I was planning my new life as a well-rested woman, and then teething.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: You catch my drift?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my gosh, I can start waking up at 5, 6 a.m., getting a little workout in, and then get my day started.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But no, not when you're waking up all hours in the night.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's when it gets really hard.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was catching up with one of my best friends this morning and I was asking her how she was sleeping with her baby.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Her baby's two months older than mine.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And she when I asked her, she so quietly was like, uh, we sleep seven to seven.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, all night?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, every night?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, ugh, yeah.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, how long?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: When did that start?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, uh, like four, four to six weeks.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, ha ha, okay, okay.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: But in in reality, I like to think that everything comes out in the wash.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: That particular friend that I'm talking about had a really rough pregnancy.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: She was like bed redden and had a really hard time.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I, meanwhile, got married while I was pregnant.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was on the dance floor, having a jolly good time, not feeling a thing.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we all have our stuff, you know?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I like to look at it.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's not how life works fully, but when you're in the thick of it, you just have to count your blessings in other ways and like, okay, I had this really good.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so this part not so great, but you're gonna get through it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And one day we'll all laugh at it.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So just know if you're up in the middle of the night and you are not sleeping because you have anxiety, you wake up really early for work, you go to bed really late, whatever it is, if you're up at weird hours of the night, just know I'm with you.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can think to yourself, oh, Hannah's probably awake right now.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's most likely true.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's fascinating how quickly sleep deprivation can change your entire outlook on life.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the opposite, like how you have a few good nights and you're like, oh my gosh, I can do something creative.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You start to think of all these things that were on a to-do list that you're like, I get to do that.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I let me try to take a stab at that today.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have the energy to do that today.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the irony of finally having a little bit of time to yourself is funny because lately I'm too tired to enjoy it.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have this stuff to do in my brain that I'm thinking about.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I finally catch a moment where I'm like, oh, I could take a breath.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even want to touch my to-do list because I'm so tired.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I just need to sit and be nonverbal, nonverbal for a minute.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is me just catching you guys up completely because I have close to nothing left in the tank after a few tough weeks in the bullpen.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And to piggyback off of what I just said, I've been thinking about this so much lately.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like life sometimes just feels like one big old giant to-do list that I cannot catch up on.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like you wake up in the morning, and before you even have your coffee, you're thinking of all of these things you need to do.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe, okay, it's like after the coffee, you start cranking on things and you're like, oh, I feel I feel a little good.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then you get interrupted and you're not getting those things done.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly it's five o'clock, and you're like, oh, I need to like prepare for the evening now.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I need to think about what I'm gonna make for dinner.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so then I table everything and I'm like, you know what?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get to that after I put the baby to sleep.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Andy finished her last nap, the cat nap of the evening.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta feed her, put a little bit more food in her belly, bathe her, do our little evening routine.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly it's seven o'clock.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, oh, I have to eat dinner.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then by that time, it's like eight o'clock, eight thirty.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly all of the things that I wanted to do that day are like, I can't.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to sit there.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm so exhausted that like I can't possibly think of being productive at eight or nine o'clock.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then some nights I am.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys have ever done this, but I used to love working at night.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this is when I lived alone.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would eat dinner relatively early, like five or six o'clock.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would put on a cozy comfort show that I've seen before, have it on in the background while I just did those like loose tasks I didn't get to earlier in the day, the to-do list stuff.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved it.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or I would spend that time being creative, make some graphics, find inspiration on a Pinterest board for something for work, that type of thing.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: But now feeling like I have the responsibilities of a child and a husband, I don't really feel like I have the time to just sit on my laptop at the end of the day, even though I used to really enjoy that.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, so what I wanted to talk about today was that whole concept of feeling like you have a running list in your head of things that you should be doing all of the time.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not alone in this.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime I talk to someone about this specific subject, they're like, yep, I have a million things to do all the time.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we're, as women, I feel like we're like an octopus.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: We are constantly doing everything at once.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Men will never do that.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Peter will always be like, why don't you try doing something separately, completing it and then moving on to the next?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, my brain doesn't work that way.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have to do it all at once.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I have to try to do everything at once, which is why I short circuit sometimes.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes I feel like my body is begging me to just sit on the couch and chill.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, can't I just sit and watch Dancing with the Stars and don't be on your computer doing other stuff?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: But my brain is like, no, you don't have any other time.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is it.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Those 14 other things that you wanted to get to today on your computer, they have to get done right now, or you're gonna be even further delayed tomorrow when you try to accomplish any of this in nap time.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's like, oh, I know I have X, Y, and Z going on tomorrow.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have to do this now because I'm not gonna have time to do it tomorrow.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: This brings me to the pressure to always be doing something.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I actually am gonna blame social media on this one.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I love consuming this type of stuff.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: But the obsession with the morning routines, the wellness habits, the optimization, the whole like self-improvement category I somehow am on all the time.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a bunch of like really pretty people getting ready for their days in such beautiful ways that I'm just like, wow.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you could see me on the other side of the screen as I'm looking at my phone, I'm like it makes me feel like I can't ever even get to that point where I'm in a comfortable resting state.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like where I can do a seven-step nightly routine.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or like sometimes I watch people on the internet just make a coffee, like make their coffee at home.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have an espresso machine.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even like espresso.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't drink lattes that much.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need all the milk.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Will I watch someone make a latte?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, I need that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like what I suddenly need to make this iced brown sugar espresso latte at my house, I think.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow I should try it actually.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I somehow feel bad about myself and I'm like, I can't even do that.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even have time to do that.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Nor, by the way, do I have the finances.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not gonna go buy an espresso machine because somebody on the internet convinced me to.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's besides the point.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I guess my point is here is that I sometimes feel like resting is something that I need to earn.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what's wrong with me for thinking that way, but having a child sometimes makes it feel like you're not accomplishing anything.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, what did I do today?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what did I get done?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get done a quarter of the stuff on my list that I needed to do.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'm actually even more behind.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: But your baby's happy and your baby's well fed, and your house is decent, and you try to keep everything nice and clean for yourself the next day or for your husband when he comes home from work, and you try to keep things afloat at work at your best ability.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, you're like, if I actually were to look at my task list, I did nothing.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I did a big fat zip today.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I don't really deserve to sit on the couch and hang out with my husband after we ate dinner.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I need to sit on the computer.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I really I'm not gonna get into the whole thing about society giving us pressure to make every day look productive because it's obvious.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: We know that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hello, especially millennials.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you guys remember when we were wearing business outfits to the club?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in our entire existence has been like busy bee, being the busy girl, the boss babe era.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's so 2016.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're not busy, you're not doing enough.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that was the era that initiated all of social media.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have to ask myself, am I actually busy?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just addicted to the feeling of being busy?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is this what life is like for the rest of life?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: That I'm constantly thinking when I'm relaxing, oh, I should be doing something else.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's a problem.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it possible for me to feel ambitious and to feel creative and inspired and to want to do these different things for myself or for my business without constantly feeling like I'm a little bit behind on it?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You look at everyone on the internet and they're giving you ideas constantly on like what to do for that thing that you're in and how to optimize that project you're working on.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said last week in the episode, I'm like, I just think that things need to be fun again.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And rest is a part of that.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like allowing yourself to treat downtime as a necessity and not a reward.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I struggle with it.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I totally struggle with it.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: That pressure of feeling like I need to always be doing something.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like any moment where I'm just sitting there, I need to be productive.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the next part I'm gonna talk about is the invisible mental load of all of this.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because like sometimes I am.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting there on my couch and I am, I'm physically trying to enjoy it.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: But like, no, no, no, inside my brain, if you were to just stick your hand in there, you would find a big old mess because mentally I feel like I can't bike down.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is so odd.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I always think of this one visual in an episode of SpongeBob that I remember as a child.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Bear with me here.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's when I don't even remember what the plot was, but it's something about how he's trying to remember all of this stuff in the world, whatever he's doing, that he needs to quote unquote delete any of the paperwork in his brain that's from other stuff.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I don't need to remember that anymore.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: I only need to remember this new stuff.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's more important.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: So he's like clearing space like his brain is a computer, right?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: To the point where somebody asks him, I don't know why.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry, I don't know why I remember this.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: But visually I always think about it.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody asks him what his name is, and then it shows a bunch of like mini SpongeBobs living in his brain, all with glasses on, going through file cabinets and computers, being like, name, name, what's my name?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's his name?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can't find his name.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's so obnoxious and stupid, but I think about it constantly.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm in one of those tizzies where I feel like I need to, I have a million things I need to do, that's how I feel.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a bunch of tiny versions of me in my own brain, spinning in circles, running through file cabinets, telling me to go faster, telling me to like move on an email, get through my email inbox, respond to all the texts I didn't send, get caught up on work, get a little ahead, over-deliver on that one thing, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like the urgency of it, like name, name, I can't find my name.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I feel.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or, oh my gosh, here's another one.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's the it's like your internet tabs.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just last night, Peter was using my computer and he was like, holy when he saw all of the tabs I have open on my Chrome.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's two types of people in this world.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're either someone who always deletes out of your internet tabs, or you're someone who has 30 open at once.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I like to stretch it.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I like to have as many open as possible.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I so often will go back into like the middle of my tab section and I'm like, ooh, what was I doing last week?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have everything saved.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's where all of my ideas live.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: If I see something I like, if I'm working on something and I need to work on something else, like everything lives there.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it feels like that in my head, you know?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm trying to say.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the work deadlines, the groceries, the meals you want to make.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's someone's birthday.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like, oh, I need to reschedule that.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I need to remember to change that appointment.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then like, motherhood has added an entirely new layer of things that I need to think about forever.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm talking about with this invisible mental load.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes feeling like I need to remember everything alone is exhausting.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we have the tools.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, Hannah, there's a notes app.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Use your reminders app.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm like, I don't even want to be on my phone anymore.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't want to do that.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to make a reminder on my phone because that means I need to sit on my phone for another minute.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to do that right now.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just want to exist without feeling like I need to be using a computer.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I don't want this entire episode to be me complaining.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how it sounds.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this isn't sounding incredibly negative.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because obviously, I love life, right?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, so many things are fun and joyful and beautiful.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: And all of these tasks and reminders are the things that flow in between those things that make it all possible.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I guess I just needed to talk about that thing of feeling so happy and feeling like there's so many things going on that you love so much, but you just feel overwhelmed sometimes.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about some of the things that are keeping me going right now without this to-do list in my head.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we should all practice this.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: I say this to Peter sometimes.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what is one thing you're looking forward to this week?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or what's one thing you're looking forward to this month?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: It'll just like pull me out of the internal crap that I'm thinking about in that moment and like bring me above it in a way, you know?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you zoom out, it's so much easier to see the blessings around you and to see the good things around you than always zooming in on what you're doing that day or that hour or that minute or that exact week.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like something you're super excited about for no reason, you know?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Currently, I don't even want to say it because it's not finalized, finalized, but it's pretty much there.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: We just had an inspection.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Peter and I um bought a house.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so I'm so excited.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I hope I'm not jinxing this by saying it out loud, but we're almost done.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: The process is almost finalized.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a million things to do.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm so looking forward to moving in and to getting settled, getting all of our stuff out of storage because it's been in storage pretty much all summer, pretty much since Andy was born.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, we've been living temporarily without the majority of our stuff.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it feels like I can finally settle in and make her a room.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, make her a room.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And like this is where I get in my head again.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, another to-do list.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: All the stuff we're gonna do in our new house.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like it should be fun.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I feel like I'm getting in my own way of enjoying the gifts that we've been given because I'm thinking of them as tasks.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: All my friends who have kids or had babies the same time I had Andy already have bedrooms and lives and routines with their kids.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And knowing that I'm now gonna have her own room and I get to I get to decorate that room, like, oh my gosh, if I could tell 16-year-old Hannah that you're about to start decorating your baby girl's bedroom, we would die of happiness.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to take for granted any second of this process moving into my first house with my husband.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's all of these like little things that matter way more than we give them credit for in the moment because we're just getting through the day and getting through our to-do list.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you zoom out, you can see how so many things are really worth celebrating outside of the tasks.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, this ended up being like a full rant episode.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've just been thinking about how easy it is to spend our days trying to get through them.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, let me get to the weekend, let me get to tomorrow, instead of actually embracing them and allowing ourselves to rest and enjoy them and take the bath you've been thinking about taking for three days, or like do that hobby that has been collecting dust in the corner of your bedroom because you got it out a few months ago and you haven't had time to finish it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so looking forward to making my new house feel like a home, you know, feeling like a lived-in, celebrated in, eventful home.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: And being so exhausted can make me feel like I'm forgetting to do the things that are actually bringing me joy every day because I'm just trying to get through it.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Andy just woke up from her nap and so my clock is ticking.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: But the last thing I want to talk about, or the last thing I want to say here, is like that thing of not loving every moment of your life doesn't mean that you don't love the life you're building in full, you know?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like zooming out on your to-do list.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm really trying to remind myself right now.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't need every day to be incredible.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need every day to feel like I've accomplished the world, even though it feels really freaking good when I do.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to wake up every day feeling super motivated and like my coffee is great.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I wake up and have my coffee and I'm like, ugh, this didn't work.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: I need this to be stronger.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's fine that you didn't make a beautiful dinner.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine that you didn't find time for that hobby.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Some days are just gonna be so cheesy, but just like ordinary.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And like you got through it.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy to look at Instagram and be like, how are people making all of these really mundane things so beautiful?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I can't even look beautiful at a time that I'm supposed to feel beautiful.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: How can I do it when I'm going to the grocery store or doing these mundane tasks that people are doing where they look so effortlessly perfect?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like that's just not life, you know?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents didn't record themselves every chance they could get.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents didn't do this stuff.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents didn't see videos of people constantly looking their best or constantly telling us how to improve our lives.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents didn't have podcasts.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was like you bought one book on how to raise a kid and you read the one book that told you how to raise your kid.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe you'd tell your friend to go read that book too, or they would gift it for you when your baby turned one and you'd be like, oh my God, I should have known.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know about that one thing.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: I could like totally go on continued rant in just so many different directions with what I'm talking about.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you for letting me rant for as long as I just have.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just giving us permission to have a bit of an off week, permission to be like running on empty.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening to this and you've also been like, yeah, I've been feeling a little depleted, maybe we can all collectively agree to lower the bar.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Lower the bar this week.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not giving up, not feeling down and out or like, whoever me about anything, but like a no, we don't have to be machines kind of way.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe instead of crossing something off your to-do list, think like what can I do that's more enjoyable instead?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know what mine will be.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mine would be six to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: That would be glorious.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, do you think I'll get it, guys?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think it'll it'll happen soon?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I really thought it was gonna happen.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: She slept through the night once, and I didn't sleep through the night.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: She did.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: I woke up like a crazy person seven times because I'm so used to waking up.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys for hanging out with me today.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this was a little catch-up that you felt like you needed.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys are also running on fumes, if your tank is low, know that I'm with you.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're in good company.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: We got this.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're all just trying our best, you know.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you guys so much for listening.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everyone has a lovely week ahead, and I will talk to you soon.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.