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How to Get Rid of Shame · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I am saying thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me because today's topic is a big one.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's around shame and guilt and how we can release those things and start moving on with our life.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Carl Jung at one point said shame is a soul-eating emotion.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have actually, I cannot remember who said it, but somebody said the paradox of shame is that it's shameful to talk about shame.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what I have found through my coaching work is that oftentimes there will be moments where we are self-shaming or we're holding on to shame, which contributes to holding on to limiting or false beliefs about self.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a toll on that relationship we have on ourselves and then keeps us from being able to move forward into the life that we really want for ourselves or move forward towards the goals and aspirations that we're setting for ourselves.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just talk about shame for a minute and what it is versus guilt.
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  SPEAKER_00: So shame is this ingrained uh idea and sense of self that there's something wrong with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: So guilt is a recognition that maybe some actions we took uh may have caused harm to somebody else.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: So guilt is all around I I may have done something bad.
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  SPEAKER_00: And for that, I would I need to make amends.
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  SPEAKER_00: Shame is based on this self-conscious thought that there is something wrong with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: That in at my core there's just something wrong with me.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: So guilt is I did something, I can apologize for it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Shame is at my core, there's something wrong with me.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So where does this distorted sense of self-perception come from?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Generally speaking, there are four main pillars where we start accumulating false beliefs, or uh in this case, the sense of shame, and they could be culturally, society, familial, or just our own personality.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, when we look at shame, we can track, we can track a lot of it back to some either experience or message we received when we were in our early developmental years.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So for instance, if you were younger and told that you were naughty or that you're don't be a crybaby, or you're selfish, or you're overly sensitive, um, or good kids never do that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Those are messages that can not they can start with maybe a sense of guilt, but they can actually start to create a sense of self-shaming or a sense of shame that I'm not a good person, there's something wrong with me, I'm not enough, I am worthless when we start hearing those messages over and over again.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, it doesn't just have to be your younger years.
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  SPEAKER_00: As teenagers, as emerging adults, as adults, we can be shamed through experiences that we've had, messages that we receive.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about people in different workplaces, they oftentimes will get messages that can be shaming.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We think about relationships that we've been in, and sometimes there are shaming aspects of how we're spoken to.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just taking time to recognize that shame itself, when we start to feel and and we start to experience shame, what that does is it triggers self-judgmental thoughts and feelings.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that can turn into a real sense of a loss of self, a loss of self-worth, and feeling like you're worthless or not good enough, which of course starts to affect our mental well-being, right?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we feel shame and we feel bad about ourselves, not only do we feel exposed and potentially humiliated, but it really takes a toll on our self-esteem, it takes a toll on our self-confidence, it can lead to depression, it can lead to addiction, um eating disorders, social anxiety, just to generalize anxiety disorders, because shame can provoke all of those emotional, it acts as a trigger and it's it's basically saying there's something wrong with me.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it starts to provoke these emotional reactions.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, we end up with physical reactions too, when we are constantly and continually feeling that sense of shame, our physical body starts to take a toll too, because we end up staying in a fight, flight, or freeze response for a chronic period of time, which keeps our sympathetic nervous system activated for a long period of time, which eventually can lead to physical ailments such as migraines, such as high blood pressure, um, digestive issues, and other symptoms, including um pains like in our neck and our back.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we deal with shame?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, there's there's a huge part of my coaching uh that I work with clients on is this idea of unshaming and how to go through it.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: But just some of the things that we can talk about here today is owning the past, owning what has happened.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And by that, it's it's taking some time to do some inner child work.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't, I'm not talking from a therapeutic sense where we're trying to diagnose something, but we can actually bring to the awareness what was it that we experienced and internalized because awareness is that doorway to change.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So when we can own it and bring it and start talking about it instead of hiding it, that's you know how we start, that's the very first step of working ourselves through shame.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Also embracing our vulnerability.
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  SPEAKER_00: There is so much shame around being vulnerable, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: We talked about, or I mentioned that quote, there's shame in talking about shame.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's also shame just around being vulnerable.
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  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people tend to consider it a sign of weakness, but if we're gonna actually work through shame, it's about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to talk about what we are experiencing, what the those feelings are all about, and bring those to the light and really come from a place of compassion rather than judgment and really reaffirming ourselves.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we start this process of unshaming, it is about being really kind and compassionate with yourself, being kind, not just kind and compassionate, but just having a sense of curiosity around what all of this is about versus coming from a place of reshaming yourself for the fact that you're bringing these things to the forefront.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So really practicing self-compassion and using self-affirmations, you know, having that personal mantra that reminds you of exactly who you are as you go through the process of working through shame and being able to accept that no human is perfect, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Imperfections exist because we can grow through them.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about trying to get everything absolutely, absolutely right.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's really important when we're doing work and that self-development work to give ourselves permission to learn how to deal with shame.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, learning the difference between shame and guilt and then starting to build this ability to talk about the things that we might be self-shaming around.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we start talking about it and working through it and we go through the process, and again, I do this in my coaching is actually coaching my clients through unshaming themselves in a very methodical, step-by-step way.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it's important that you don't do it alone because having a support system as you're working through some of these things is just really important, and being able to be vulnerable with somebody who you feel safe with who can support you through the process, but allowing yourself to kind of take ownership and to challenge where you might be continuing to hold on to shame is really important for your own self-healing and to really reestablish that relationship with self.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like to talk more about this concept of shame or of guilt or just how it might be holding you back or anything else, by all means, feel free to reach out to me anytime at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www dot comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.