Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Why Women Don't Like The "Porn Montage" Position Switch Type Of Sex

Transcript

Why Women Don't Like The "Porn Montage" Position Switch Type Of Sex · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the doctors.
• 0:08
  Psych mom, show yet another episode where I am driving
• 0:13
  instead of talking on the phone. I'm going to record because why
• 0:18
  not? Honestly, I case I haven't
• 0:22
  mentioned this enough. Never prepare for these podcast
• 0:24
  episodes. Hopefully, that is not
• 0:27
  discernible to the average listener that I have zero notes
• 0:32
  and zero preparation. So it's not the sort of thing.
• 0:35
  Ring worm, fumbling over my notes because I have no notes.
• 0:37
  So that is kids the benefit of not preparing.
• 0:42
  But anyway, so I had this great realization and this analogy
• 0:45
  this morning that popped into my head that I wanted to discuss
• 0:50
  about porn and women's Love Languages which usually are not
• 0:55
  physical touch, and the ones of us who are physical touch.
• 0:58
  We like a lot of cuddling and all sorts of stuff, guys.
• 1:00
  Usually physical touch means cuddling but you know, fucking
• 1:03
  like that's like they have a Fucking love language.
• 1:06
  So, you know, I mean that's just the truth.
• 1:09
  Like, so maybe I should just start using that one, but it
• 1:13
  would be even less appealing to their wives obviously.
• 1:15
  But anyway, most women have like a romantic words of affirmation
• 1:21
  many women do not all. And I wanted to make an analogy
• 1:24
  between those that will hopefully help men to understand
• 1:27
  what it's like when they want more of a porny sex experience
• 1:33
  and what that would be like For the equivalent of their wife,
• 1:38
  requested it for them. But before I do that, I must
• 1:42
  always encourage you to subscribe.
• 1:43
  My most recent subscriber only episode was about male biology
• 1:48
  over the lifespan and that is very helpful to anybody who has
• 1:53
  a male in their life or is a male.
• 1:56
  So that's like everybody listens to me, has either a male in
• 1:59
  their life is a male or I mean if you're just like a woman
• 2:04
  dating, a woman whose Listening to my website, then skip it.
• 2:06
  I mean you know it's so and like y'all could decide for
• 2:09
  yourselves what's relevant but I think that it's pretty
• 2:12
  interesting. Plus you should subscribe anyway
• 2:14
  because I have like 1 million other ones or 61 whichever one
• 2:18
  is going to make you subscribe. So anyway in terms of what I was
• 2:24
  thinking about, sometimes men don't understand, they start
• 2:26
  having sex with their wives and their wife.
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  Just wants to stay in like one position or do one thing.
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  And the guy is like what the fuck?
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  This is not like porn at all, they don't articulate that
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  because they would think that would be a mature bum, but
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  they're their subconscious makes a comparison and they're like
• 2:44
  why is my wife like the only one that doesn't want to do, you
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  know the urinating Flamingo or whatever the fuck position?
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  They found online and switch from that.
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  One to the other one, and two, this one to that one.
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  So let's picture that you are out with your wife at a nice
• 3:00
  restaurant and, you know, she wants to talk and she always
• 3:02
  fucking wants to talk, right? And so, Oh, youyou really been
• 3:06
  listening to my podcast, so you got it going on and you're so
• 3:09
  proud of yourself. You're like, let me tell you
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  what, I love about you, you are so sweet with the kids and you
• 3:17
  such a good mother. I could always count on you with
• 3:20
  the children and never have to worry about anything and she
• 3:22
  says, okay, okay, now tell me about how hot I am and you were
• 3:26
  like, oh, this is weird. Okay.
• 3:27
  Yeah. You're really hot.
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  Like I'm really into your body. You're so pretty.
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  I always am so attracted to you and then she's like, oh, Okay,
• 3:35
  okay. Now tell me about my
• 3:36
  intelligence. You're like, fuck is this shit
• 3:39
  show and you're like, okay well you're a really smart too.
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  I always tell you that, apparently not enough and she's
• 3:45
  like, okay, do more of that and then tell me how funny I am.
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  Now, listen, you would be like, what the fuck, like, what is
• 3:52
  this? Does she not like, even
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  appreciate the she don't even give a shit.
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  Does she not even? Like I was kind of enjoying
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  telling her how in love with her, I was at the beginning,
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  what a good mom she is. I was told to say that one
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  literally by the podcast, why is nothing?
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  Never Enough. What is all this quick change
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  bullshit? We can't even get into one
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  topic. It seems really fake to me.
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  Seems like she's just using this as some sort of.
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  I don't even know what a list of ego boost.
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  I don't even know what she's doing.
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  She like recording me or something like for later.
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  I mean what you doing that's how it feels to a woman when you do
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  an all of these positional changes and all of this, okay,
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  why don't we, you know, wear a blindfold tonight, okay?
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  Tomorrow. Why don't you be sexy nurse okay
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  next week? Why don't we do like a You know,
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  it's like calm the fuck down, like, can't we even enjoy one
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  thing ever? Now, this doesn't mean to say
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  that if y'all are like every so often every 6 months, if she was
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  to do this, you wouldn't be like, okay, gets his like,
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  emotional orgasm time, but if this was what every encounter
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  turned into, you're not gonna want to talk at all.
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  You're gonna feel like some sort of like used a fake sort of
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  thing, you know, it's not going to be resonant with you as a
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  genuinely romantic typical experience.
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  And I think there's a very good way to understand how women
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  feel, when men are always saying flip over.
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  No, now do this do. Now, do that.
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  Now do this, and I think that this has gotten even more
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  ubiquitous in recent years, because of porn.
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  What is the guy doing? He's looking at porn.
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  He flips from this to this, to this, to this.
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  It's like a video montage, you know?
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  And and, and then he gets, you know, the three women are
• 5:29
  together and then it's one woman with oral sex and that it's two
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  women and a man and at that era, And it's like the brain gets
• 5:36
  used to that quick change. It's like, have you gone dancing
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  in this? You know, recently versus like
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  you know, five ten years ago, the music changes very quickly.
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  Now I think it's because of the screens.
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  I think it's literally because of the phones and people flip
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  from one thing to the next thing to the next and been asking.
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  So the DJ, does that now will my husband and I were out you know
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  I forget last year we didn't even hear a full song, one time
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  it just flips it flips and flips and flips and it was didn't used
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  to be like that. Sure the song Would Fade Into
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  the other song but it did. Don't go after like a minute,
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  you know what, after the whole song.
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  And I think that this culture and porn is definitely this goes
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  from one image to flip to the next flip to the next video.
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  Image flip to the next flip to the next and guys really get
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  used to this and then they want to replicate it so it isn't just
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  exploring that the woman doesn't want to do.
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  It's this quick change thing and of course A woman can't have an
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  orgasm when she's flipping from position to position or from you
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  know one sort of To the next. So, as always, what I feel is
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  that women are misunderstood as not having their full sexual
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  potential because of the circumstances that they find
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  themselves it. And this is not guys fault,
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  guys, and women operate so differently to men.
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  It is the way you got to think about it is like the mental
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  peace. Every see here is another thing
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  where I feel like media does us wrong.
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  So you always hear that for women.
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  The mental Bonin is very big that is completely true.
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  But there's they really it's very different than how the
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  mental component works for men because men think okay, mental
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  components, very big for me too. So like for example, if it like
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  my analogy always, if you're a straight guy, you know, getting
• 7:26
  a blowjob from a man is not going to be as good or even
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  really something that you want at all.
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  But I mean, it could be a good blow job but you don't care
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  because in the mental component, you're attracted to women.
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  So, Closing your eyes during a blow job by a dude is not going
• 7:40
  to do it. For most heterosexual men, there
• 7:43
  are some who would be fine, but did not the average Joe, and
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  it's the same thing. So, for men, there is a big
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  mental, peace as well. And a lot of their mental peace
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  comes from two things. It comes from thinking that the
• 7:57
  woman is excited and Novelty. So, yes, the penis is going into
• 8:02
  the same vagina. Doesn't feel much different, but
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  seeing the woman in different In seeing her body hearing her
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  talk, any of these other stimuli are obviously mental, they're
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  not just physical again. The penis is being stimulated in
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  much the same way, but there is a lot of mental components.
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  So that men think that they understand women, they're like,
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  shit, I'm mental to. But what we mean by mental with
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  women is very different. What it means is that she has to
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  have some sort of fantasy life going on.
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  Usually that is the context upon which the physical Sensations
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  have to happen. But for a man, let's say he
• 8:39
  could be having quote, boring missionary style sex, that if it
• 8:44
  was so boring, and she just laid there like a dead thing, it
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  could take him, 20 minutes to finish her, he couldn't finish
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  at all in terms of intercourse, where rats could be the same
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  exact position. But if the woman was saying a
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  lot of exciting stimulating things, he would come in 30
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  seconds, right? So that is not how women work
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  does, not how women work. Very, very few women.
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  And can have something that is not very physically, stimulating
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  change into something. That is physically stimulating
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  by the mental context, that that is hard.
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  So if you are going down on your wife poorly, she could have a
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  real active Fantasy Life. Going a woman, who's good at
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  having an orgasm may still be able to eke one out but you
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  being technically proficient will make her have the you know
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  five minute or 10 minute length. With of time orgasm, not the
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  orgasm, goes on for long. I mean, until the orgasm
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  happened, five or 10 minutes or even 10 or 15 minutes versus if
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  you're bad at it, you could go on for 30 minutes, you could be,
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  you know, she could be doing virtual reality, that you're
• 9:54
  Ryan, Gosling, and it still isn't going to matter if you're
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  really shit at going down on her.
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  So women are much more responsive to the physical
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  technical stimulation, in order to have an Some men can be, you
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  know, a fucking cantaloupe and if there's some hot woman in
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  front of him doing a striptease, he can come very quickly.
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  A woman is not the same sort of thing.
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  So for women the mental peace comes when they had this active
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  Fantasy Life that's going on to make them even more orgasmic.
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  But technical skill is necessary but not sufficient for men.
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  If they're getting some sort of expert blowjob Job.
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  Like, you know, it's that's great, you know, but let's say
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  it was an expert, blow job by like a woman who they knew
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  wasn't really into it versus. I'm not so great blowjob.
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  But oh, the woman was so hot. She's like a supermodel that's
• 10:53
  dying to be with them. There's going to be a lot more
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  honestly responsibility to the woman who is so hot dying to be
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  with them. In most cases although not all
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  there is a man that don't really like Intimacy honestly.
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  So they would prefer to get an expert blow job by a hooker, you
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  know. But but either way these are
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  things on the margins. The point being that men and
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  women, they are very different. If this podcast doesn't make you
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  know, this entire podcast not just this episode doesn't make
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  that clear by now then you've not been listening.
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  So sexually men and women are very different for a woman.
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  The idea of novelty, it's okay, but it's not good.
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  If it detracts from her physical Experience.
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  So, the physical experience takes a while to mount.
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  Women are very particular in their physical needs more.
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  So than the average, man, they have less testosterone, they
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  have more of a hump to get over, no pun intended before they get
• 11:52
  to feeling orgasmic than the average guy.
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  Now, there are ways to get to do all of your positions but you
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  can't forget that the woman is a is a person with specific needs
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  and her need is to fucking enjoy herself the same as you.
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  Need is so therefore what might you do, so that you could do all
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  of your positions is, you can make sure that the woman enjoys
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  herself first and then you can do all of your positions
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  afterwards. So that's one sort of thing that
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  people try is that you do. Whatever you do, that reliably
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  gets the woman off and then before you come, you do all your
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  different positions. Some guys are so turned on by
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  going down on the woman or getting the woman off that they
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  can then no longer do their positions.
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  So listen. Well, what do you complain?
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  Planing about your already so excited.
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  This is a good thing. This is a good thing to be very
• 12:42
  excited by your partner. So what you cannot do is say,
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  well here's the thing, making my wife excited, get to me, too
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  excited. So I want to have the experience
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  that I see in porn and I want to do eight positions and I want to
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  be, you know, pumping into her for 20 30 minutes straight at
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  least because that is what I think a real man does or that's
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  what I sounds fun. And so what we're going to do
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  though, she can't be too excited.
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  The beginning because you know, she can be actually excited
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  because then I get too excited. And so what we have to do is we
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  have to have no foreplay and so what we're going to do is
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  instead we're going to do eight positions from the beginning and
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  and and that's how we're going to roll so that I can get my
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  full experience. If she does this with you, you
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  might as well be doing it with a real doll honestly.
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  Like if she's not into it, she's not gonna be into it and you can
• 13:31
  work on using the start-stop method for premature ejaculation
• 13:35
  which you can Google. I mean, it's what it sounds
• 13:37
  like. In Korea, you can train yourself
• 13:39
  to be you, no longer lasting. Or if you can't, then you could
• 13:43
  just say, oh, hey, look, I live in a good world where I'm so
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  excited by my wife that I come after she comes.
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  And this kind of works for her works for us.
• 13:51
  What I don't get to do is be like Superman and do some fake
• 13:55
  thing, where a guy in porn can last forever, you know, and the
• 14:00
  woman has orgasms just from anything he decides to do.
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  He decides to screw her in any position, she's having an orgasm
• 14:06
  because guess what? They're not real.
• 14:08
  Sorry so the point here is there's no free lunch, a
• 14:13
  constant theme of my podcast and so the idea that you want to
• 14:18
  flip your wife into all these different positions but also
• 14:20
  have her be excited but not too excited because if she was
• 14:23
  actually excited and this happens.
• 14:25
  So frequently does that by the way like this isn't like me
• 14:27
  making shit up. This happens all the time that
• 14:29
  the guys like, okay, so I make my wife come then I'm so excited
• 14:33
  that I come, you know, like God no shit like That's the way
• 14:38
  you're supposed to work biologically, the woman's having
• 14:40
  an orgasm, you're having an orgasm and a baby's made like,
• 14:43
  you know, you're not making a baby, you're on birth control.
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  Unless you know, some some set subset of you are, but most of
• 14:48
  you aren't so. You know, this is a good
• 14:51
  situation, you know. And if she wants you to last
• 14:55
  longer than and you want to last longer than you can practice
• 14:58
  methods by which you could do that.
• 14:59
  But one thing not to do is to complain and say, why is this
• 15:05
  not like the video montage? Of porn clips that I do when I'm
• 15:10
  on my own. And that's why I have my whole
• 15:12
  episode on why masturbation is not good with in marriage, if
• 15:15
  you don't have an ideal sex life because it's the same, as if she
• 15:19
  was watching videos of a woman out on a date with a man, and
• 15:22
  the man is saying, doing a quick change of compliments, and he
• 15:26
  has them all at his disposal. Oh my God.
• 15:28
  You the best wife and mother that I ever saw Quick Change.
• 15:31
  Oh, you're such a beauty. Look at you.
• 15:34
  Those eyes, those lips, quick change and the Collagen Saint,
• 15:38
  you my God something like Marie Curie cross with Christie
• 15:41
  Brinkley like give me a break. Like this isn't real.
• 15:44
  But if she was watching videos of men that were able to do this
• 15:47
  on the regular, man, would she be disappointed in you much
• 15:50
  similar to how you're disappointed in her for not
• 15:52
  doing the Quick Change, poured Montage that you have in your
• 15:56
  mind as something that is possible, which is not really
• 15:59
  for the majority of women. Although certainly many women
• 16:02
  like to experiment and they may like to do more than one
• 16:05
  position especially once they've I'm already or when they're very
• 16:09
  excited but they aren't going to be able to do with stray from go
• 16:14
  and they after about a couple position changes, they're going
• 16:17
  to lose a little bit of steam unless it's the honeymoon stage,
• 16:20
  in which case, you know, you could bring a an octopus into
• 16:23
  the room and they would be turned on because they're so
• 16:25
  turned on just by default of being in the new love,
• 16:28
  passionate stage. All right, hopefully this was
• 16:30
  helpful for all y'all and I will talk to you soon.