Latest / Empower Your Menopause / Episode 75: Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail in Menopause (and what to do instead)

Transcript

Episode 75: Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail in Menopause (and what to do instead) · Empower Your Menopause

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, contrary to the way many of us start out our new year, January doesn't require a personality transplant.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: In menopause, the old resolution playbook that you used to use doesn't work anymore because it completely ignores your biology, stress, sleep, and decision fatigue that you face every day.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Today we're going to give you a better plan.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's not perfect, it's just calmer, more doable, and it actually fits your real life.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: So welcome back to Empower Your Menopause, the podcast that's all about health, happiness, and hormones for women's women's 40 and beyond.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Coach Julie Medacy.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Coach James Ellis.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And together we have Fabulous Beyond 40, and we're glad to have you with us again.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the January trap that we face every year.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because one of the biggest challenges with New Year's resolutions is that whisper it by February, according to studies, around 80% of us have actually already given up on a New Year's resolution.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's quite a lot of people when you think, Julie, that almost everyone makes a New Year's resolution, right?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: We see it as the start of a new year, a new starting point, the year we're gonna do X, Y, Z, the year that the next year is gonna be our year, and all that stuff.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So talk us a little bit then through the what is the trap here?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on in January that makes us want to do this, but then makes it all fall apart.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's I find it really interesting because you know I've bought into this over the years, I know you have as well, and I talk to some people who say, I don't set resolutions anymore because there's no point.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth is we still get all of this marketing thrown at us from all sides, and we feel like, okay, it's the first of a new year, it's time to clean the slate and and you know, just do things differently.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: But our calendars don't just miraculously become open, and our obligations don't just suddenly evaporate because the clock ticks over from December 31st to January 1st.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's great to have in goals and intentions and to want to change things, but really December 31st to January 1st is no different from May 14th to May 15th or any other date of the year.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: But there's a manufactured urgency in January that's that companies spend billions of dollars on marketing for and market research to make you feel like you have to play along or you're running behind for some reason.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's designed to create a lot of profit, it's designed to help you feel desperate and and uh just this really false sense of urgency that's tap they're tapping into all of your emotions.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And even if you don't, you don't think you buy into the hype, your mind is still being conditioned to expect all of these, you know, special hacks and quick results, you have to go all in, um, all or nothing, which we talk about pretty frequently, or do a major overhaul of your life if you want to make progress.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it's pretty easy to get sucked into that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know every once in a while I still get that little buildup of excitement about, oh, how am I gonna make this year the year, right?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: But urgency tends to create rigid rules for us, and rigid rules are will crumble as soon as real life steps back into the mix.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: So uh what we like to think of is you know, if you have to require things that don't exist in order to achieve your January plan, then it's not really a plan.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a kind of a fantasy, really.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so let's let's add to the mix what happens with menopause because behind the scenes that's changing everything else too, isn't it?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so this is stuff throughout the year, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: This doesn't change.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: As Julie just said, December 31st to January 1st isn't a magic portal that you step through and suddenly all the things that have been affecting you are just going to stop affecting you.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, now what are those things?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, sleep changes.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Loads of people come to us and talk about that, you know.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sleep disruption for whatever it may be, whether it be night sweats, you're just not sleeping well, you've got an overactive mind, whatever it may be.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: They when that sleep disruption happens, it increases your appetite signals.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: That means that you're more prone to have lower impulse control, more prone to dive into the kid's snack role if you've had any cravings.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're in the pantry at 9 pm, when you've been telling yourself that you're gonna be good all January, it's probably no great surprise.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then all those stressy things that go on.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about this all the time.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Stress is the enemy of women in menopause.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're running on fumes and you've got the kids and the parents and the family and the career and your best mates and the PTA coming, calling and all that kind of stuff, really sort of like strong discipline is not what you need, it's not gonna help you.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: This idea of I'm rigidly gonna stick to things for a whole month or a whole year or whatever it may be, that kind of goes out of the window.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So you need a simpler system, excuse me, and then of course, you've got all the body composition shifts that take place, you know.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So changes can happen even with the same amount of effort.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: So the approach you've used since your 90s since your 20s or 30s can feel like it's stopped working, and it's one of the big reasons that January punishments feel kind of personal, but it's not really personal, it's more of a mismatched strategy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think, Julie?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I we get to the point where and I've certainly experienced this myself, it feels like your body has just changed almost overnight.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it the truth is you're not imagining any of this.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: This is real stuff.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Your body, your life, it's just playing by different rules now, and that's why there's such a mismatch.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at why some of these typical resolutions rules don't actually work right now.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, they're mainly based on all or nothing thinking, and the challenge with that is that increases stress levels, right?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because in your mind, you're either thinking, this works, or it doesn't, or I've succeeded, or I've failed.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then as soon as that idea, that concept of I've not achieved my target, or I've I've done something wrong, you know, I've opened a pack of Maltesers or a pack of crisps or whatever it may be, then it's quite tempting to just throw the baby out with the bathwater and say, right, I'm gonna start from scratch again.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So you get this concept then of rebound eating.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: If the plan's overcomplicated, which many New Year's resolution plans tend to be, because they're asking you to change so many different things at the same time.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're a radically new way of eating, radically new way of exercising, radically new way of being, of living.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And given that your life hasn't radically changed, how do you fit all those radical changes into all that?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So then you get decision fatigue because you've already got enough to think about on a daily basis, day-to-day basis.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So having to think about all this stuff that you're supposed to be doing is a real, real challenge.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Then most New Year's resolutions are based on avoidance goals.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does that mean?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Don't eat this, don't do that.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it's all about don't do something, about not doing something.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're really, really hard to sustain.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, a really simple example of that is if I tell you right now not to think about elephants, the first thing you're gonna think about is more than likely, and elephants have told you not to do it.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, telling somebody not to do something is a really, really hard way of getting people to do things.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Goals where you try and approach things, you try and add extra, you try and layer on top.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So try and eat more protein, try and build more of a rhythm to your meals so you're pacing them better through the day.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: They're much easier to follow, and there's loads and loads of research that shows that.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, on top of all that, quite often when we set off on a new year's resolution, we just set out resolutely with our own willpower and nobody to help us back that up.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no support, there's no accountability, there's and you've got all this other stuff going on.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Little wonder then that 80% of them come February are in the ether and have been forgotten about.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I I like to think of it as you know, as soon as I tell myself I can't have something or I don't want something, my inner two-year-old throws a tantrum, right?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because your brain is going to focus on what you tell it to.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't understand a negative.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if you say, I don't want this, all it hears is I want that.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: So, not to mention the fact that you've already got a jam-packed life.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: As we said, none of this magically goes away because you've decided to do something.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't really need another list of things to do, things you're not allowed, things you have to think about.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: You need something simpler.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, what we're trying to say is don't build a January plan based on punishment, create one that's gonna help you build some kind of momentum.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the failure loop that tends to work here can be based on many, many different things.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just have a look at some of them, right?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, think about this and see if you can identify with any of these scenarios.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that idea that I am gonna reset on X day, whether it be Monday, whether it be January the 1st or whatever, it's an absolute reset fantasy.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's no better time to start than right now, rather than some arbitrary date in future.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because what tends to happen is that you start perfectly on that first day, and then a few days or a few weeks down the line, you're falling off because you've got this idea of restriction rather than building forwards towards something, and by restriction, what we're thinking about things like you know, you've told to eat clean, eat clean, you must eat clean, and then the next thing you know, yeah, don't eat anything that's bad for you, and then the cravings come, and you tuck in something, and then the guilt follows.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So that is number two.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got the Monday re uh reset, you've got the restriction rebound.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: How about the overload plan?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just alluded to that yeah, new workouts, new menu, new supplements, new everything.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: How many new things can you fit in?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: How many habits can you try and change in one go without some of them slipping?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is, it's probably not very many, yeah.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then the last one again, I haven't talked about this before, but that lonely grind, doing it solo, sleezy, secretly hoping that some kind of motivation is going to come from somewhere with a halo around its head, sitting on your shoulder and saying, right, everything's gonna work perfectly now.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And really, ultimately, you know, we are built to do these things without any kind of support built into them.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so Julie, I know you've got research around this.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us a little more.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I mean, it's it's hard enough to change our behavior without throwing menopause symptoms in into the mix.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I think what people miss the most here is we look at, okay, I have to do this, I want to do that.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the reality is we're we're social beings.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: We thrive on connection and relationships.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And especially when it comes to something difficult like this, the best thing to do, the missing ingredient for most people, is getting support and accountability.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people think I can't ask for help, that makes me weak.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: I should be able to do it by myself.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just not true.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're at that point in our lives where we need the rest of our tribe, we need the rest of our community and the people we are close to to support us so we can all support each other.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes people are fortunate enough to have that at home.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they have communities that that are great for them.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's where coaching comes in because we, you know, coaches, whether it's us or someone else, can provide you with that support that's more objective because they're not emotionally invested like we are ourselves.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I can tell you, even coaches have coaches because it's such an effective uh way to go about things.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because the truth is, if if white knuckling your way through all of these things worked for you, you would already be where you want to be.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: But you're not, and you're not lacking discipline or willpower.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Those are finite resources when it comes to dealing with everything else that you've got going on in your life.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: What you are lacking is a system that works within the context of your very own life.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: So it's easier to keep things simple instead, maybe keeping a lighter framework that you can work with into January.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: So things like stabilizing your day-to-day life first.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Think about your sleep, think about your stress load, think about more realistic expectations of what you can actually do in your life right now.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Where would you get the biggest bang for your buck, as they say?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: What would help you the most?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: Getting better sleep usually is a really good one.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if it's not that, finding ways to manage your stress load and de-stress, I think, uh, is is the next best thing.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Simplifying the way you eat, you know, going to Whole Foods, easily repeatable meals so you don't have to make those decisions at night, being able to prepare some simple recipes in advance.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: People say cooking is is too hard and too complicated, but that's not true.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: You can create some really simple meals that taste good.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can cook them in bulk so that you can just warm things up, throw in a salad on the side in the evening, and then you don't have to think about what to do or where to go.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: You save money, you save decision fatigue, you save stress, you save calories, you know, you save all of those things, um, including your health.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then building momentum with consistent movement.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that may look like adding in some strength training or other kinds of daily movement, but not these punishing, grueling workouts.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: I remember going back to PX90 or whatever it was, just these crazy, these crazy intense workouts.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, if you like that sort of thing, that's great.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: But right now it's not the best thing for your body, especially if you have a lot of stress elsewhere in your life.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: So taking smaller steps that you can repeat easily, especially on your most difficult days, is what's going to take you further along than trying to go all in and then stopping after a week or two when it gets too hard to do.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and there's research that backs all this up.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's a rather large study, uh, I think it dates from 2020 that looked at about a thousand people who set New Year's resolutions.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the people who were part of that study, half of them used approach-oriented goals, which is the ones that we prefer.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: So where you're actually trying to move forwards towards something, rather than you're trying to avoid something.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: So half of them were approach-oriented goals, the other half people, half of people who were included in this experiment, they focus on avoidance-oriented goals.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the study showed that broadly, you know, give or take, a few percentiles here and there, 60% of the people who had an approach-oriented goal actually achieved it, whereas only around 45-46% of people who had avoidance-oriented goals were successful.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So one in two when it came to avoidance-oriented goals, but closer to sort of like six in ten when it came to the approach-oriented goals.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So there is science behind this, behind trying to add on rather than indulge in something restricting.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a really good, sort of like simple way of trying to look at this.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Between now and the new year, try excuse me, a seven-day anchor meal challenge.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one meal that you can repeat for the course of seven days.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Make it breakfast or lunch to make it easy because dinner is a bit more complicated, you know.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Kids might be involved, partners might be involved, that kind of thing.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to include three different things.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: So a really good solid protein, some fibre, and some vibrant colours, and then repeat it for seven days.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna help reduce decision fatigue, and it's probably gonna help reduce your cravings as well.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, why protein and fiber?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they help fullness and steadier energy.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, this is not forever, it's a runway.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Be curious and see how it works for you.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: So let's do a quick recap.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Julie, tell us once again why do resolutions fail?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: Resolutions fail because they're rigid and bullying and built on urgency that isn't real.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, menopause adds a real biological and lifestyle kind of friction.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it complicates things a little bit.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Approach goals with simple systems and support are going to be the biggest winners for you.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and having success with a new approach in January is gonna look more like consistency, calmer, smaller steps, not some big dramatic overhaul.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want January to feel more steady instead of chaotic, Transform in 4 or T4 is our four-week reset program that's built for women 40 and above.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Now you'll learn and practice a simple, realistic way of eating, like we've spoken about here, that's gonna reduce overwhelm, reduce your decision fatigue, and help you feel like you're back in control.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's a perfect plan to follow, especially when you're feeling tired, busy, hormonal, but you still want results.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you want to align the thread of the needle, T4 is gonna help you build the kind of boring but brilliant consistency that makes weight management easier as a side effect.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we've opened registration today.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just 39 pounds or 51 US dollars for the whole four weeks.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it'd be an amazing gift to give yourself or someone that you love for the holidays.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we start pre-work on Friday, the 2nd of January, which basically that weekend, it's a little bit of a cupboard clean out, shopping, prepare yourself because on Monday, January the 5th, we're gonna kick off.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: The goal here is not perfection, it's building a repeatable system that you can use all year with our support and accountability built in.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you exactly how much accountability we've built into T4.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Julie and I do it alongside you.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: We will be there in our Facebook group, adding things in, talking about things as we move forward.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: So visit t4.fabulousbeyond40.com.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you've done guessing what to do, come and do January with us.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to let us know if you've got any questions or comments.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be taking a break now for the holidays, and we'll see you back here in January.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being part of the community.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: In the meantime, this is James and Julie from Fabulous Beyond 40, reminding you to stay strong and stay fabulous, and we'll see you in the new year.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.