Latest / Long Haul Marriage Roadcast / Follow The Money (Part 5 of 10) 10 Things That Can Make or Break Your Marriage

Transcript

Follow The Money (Part 5 of 10) 10 Things That Can Make or Break Your Marriage · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Is that not good?
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Is it alrighty?
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Is it alrighty? Alrighty.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I am old.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: I'm owning it. I was just telling somebody.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: A couple of days ago. Your face is perfect. There's
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: literally no wrinkles on your forehead, none on your cheeks,
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: none around the crow's feet. I got old man skin. No. Oh,
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: But I was telling.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: And you look and you tell me I should wash
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: my face at night and do skin care.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: You should.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Every night, every morning. I see you doing this regimen
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, where's mine? Every once in a while
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: you'll stick a little. You know what?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: Don't get me started. I put everything on your bathroom counter.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Now you, I'm not going to do it for you.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I do love the good.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, great.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: What is that? It's like a.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Some kind of an oil.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's called The Good, but it says use it
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: at night. So I put it on at night.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: But you really should wash your face every morning and
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: every night and moisturize.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: That means I'd have to shower.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Every morning.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Does the cold plunge?
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: That's another problem. No, it doesn't count.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Does the cold plunge count?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. It doesn't at all. But, okay, let's go.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Back to age. I definitely got to shower. I just mowed,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: and look at my feet.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just so gross.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: They're horrible.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: If people could just sit here and see your feet
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, but they're hard-working feet.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And working hard. Go back to age.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: I was just telling a friend there's something really cool
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: about getting older and just owning it, but still feeling great.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not fighting it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Still feeling young.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Aging.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't feel 28 like you sometimes.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I always say I feel 28 inside, but I've just
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: updated that. I've got to say I feel at least
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: 38 inside now.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Well, that's pretty good for a.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: 61-year-old. 61. We ran into some friends the other night,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: and she walked up. And I used to hear all
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: the time, you haven't changed. You still look the same.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: And she said that. But most people are looking at
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: me like, oh, my gosh, who's the old man? But
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: she recognized me. I had like a hat and glasses.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: And she goes, Brian Hackney. I couldn't believe it. You
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: haven't changed a bit. I'm like, what? Look at my
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: freaking white beard. Last time she saw me, I had
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: dark hair, spiky hair, a lot of hair. And I
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: was leading worship.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Anyway, it's been a while.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I love your gray.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I look in the mirror and say, Dad, is that you? Grandpa,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: is that you? You love the gray?
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Good.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: It's silver fox. You better. You better love the gray. Oh, man. Oh, man.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: I'm tired.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I should admit that before we record.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: It's going to be great.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I've got it. I'm drinking my creatine.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: We'll keep it short and sweet.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: What are we talking about today? Because then I've got
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: to go start dinner.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Episode five. Follow the money. Part five of our 10-part series. Yeah,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: we're halfway through. Make or break your marriage. And you
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: know what?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: We've gotten some comments and people who are really loving.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, engaged.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad they're listening. And yeah, we're... Someone... had
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: a great comment about the sex deal. And was that
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: two times ago? No, that was, uh, yeah, two times ago.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Cause last time was same day in my argument and
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: sex was before that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Oh yes.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: And her comment was, well, what if it's the woman
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: that always initiates sex?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: And that's a great, we talked about it, you know,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: we will.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: And you know what? We'll come back for a part
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: two on that, but it won't be in this 10 part.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: It'd be part two after the 10. Okay. Part two
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: on sex. But yeah, that's a great comment. And it's
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: not always, like I said, in majority of the time,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: but many times it's not. And there's so many things
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: that could go into, obviously, on why one or the
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: other is initiating. And if the other one's not showing
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: any interest at all, and the person feels like they're
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: always being rejected, that's something else entirely. And it's a
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: You know, is it?
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Anyway, it's a lot to get into there and we'll
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: talk about that. So thank you for listening guys.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: I do have friends that from time to time or
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: clients who, when we share our perspective, sometimes they will say, well,
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: it's weird because like I'm the, like the woman will say,
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: I'm like Brian and my husband's like Jamie, you know?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So it isn't always, you.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Know, definitely. Yeah. So many things in marriage. I mean, again,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: that's what you get in trouble if you start, going
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: with either traditional or stereotypical or just generalize. I have
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: a lot of husbands that will generalize about quote women.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, dude, women are all different. Um, and they're,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: you know, Jimmy Evans used to say they're all the
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: same under the hood, but you know, cause they've got
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: all these internal things that are the same that makes
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: them a woman, but that they're different models. Right. And,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: and all that. But, There's so many things that are
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: under the hood that are different, too.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: I think. I mean, so I always say become an
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: expert on your wife, not on women. That's great. Because
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: if you start to generalize and think you know about men,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: the minute you say all men and fill in the
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: blank are all women, you're wrong.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Wrong.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: You're wrong. I love that.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I love when you say that.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: It's an easy cop-out when you say, oh, women, you
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: can't ever understand them. Well, okay. Start to understand your wife.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: And if you don't understand something, ask her. And start
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: to communicate and really dig in.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: And yeah, part of our brain will never, I get it.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: We will never understand. We don't compute the same and
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: we don't, but man, there's so much value in getting
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: to know your spouse, being curious and don't chat GPT
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: about women. You can, but good luck.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Good luck. Okay. So follow the money is what we're
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: going to call this on our finances. So man, if
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I had to do over on finances for our entire marriage,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: one thing I would not have done is worried so
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: much about it. It's easier said than done, especially speaking
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: of men for the provider instinct doesn't mean that women
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: don't provide. And many, many women are working outside the
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: home too now and are sometimes they're the primary breadwinner.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they're the only breadwinner. So, but I know for me,
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: and you have always provided as well, uh, been part of,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: you know, um, bringing in income and, uh, and even
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: when you weren't, when you were home with the kids, again,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: the value, the price tag on raising kids and being
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: a home maker, home manager, home, you know, keeper, all the,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: all the stuff. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Uh, well, yeah.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: So anyway, that's invaluable stuff. And, um, But yeah, the,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, the thing that I wish I had to
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: do over is I wouldn't have worried so much about
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: it because you, no matter where we were, you did
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: not seem to worry and stress about it as much.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: And my worry and stress would translate into anger. So
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: a lot of, a lot of, I mean, we've said
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: this a hundred times, but when it comes to anger,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: a lot of time it's a covering emotion. It's covering fear, sadness, shame.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: So many men feel shame when it comes to finances, man, or,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: or they're just afraid, man, it's not enough. And is
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: it going to be enough? And can I provide for
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: this family? Uh, and it's a lot of times you
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: feel like you should have provided more. You're not where
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: you thought you'd be that your career hasn't panned out or,
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: or maybe you just got fired or you're looking for work.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: And I mean, there's so many things that play into that. Um,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: but for me, I just realized like, I mean, here
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: for 37 years of our marriage, we've never, I mean,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: for how many, 35 of them, we had consistent paychecks.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: We're never out of work and always had a paycheck.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: And that's, man, that's so rare because so many people
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: find themselves out of work and, um, for various reasons,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: but as far as our health and just consistency, we
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: had that paycheck, but, um, but even then it's, you know,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: is it enough and it, will it be enough? And
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: you worry about the future and what about when you
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: can't work or, You know, all the things. And so
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: for me, I just worried too much about it. And
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: then when you look back, you think, man, we always
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: had a roof over our head. We never missed any meals.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: You look at me really quickly and figure out we
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: have missed many meals. But why did I worry? So
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: you could choose to, and even if you have faith
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: that God's going to provide, that's so many times you
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: say that. And as Christians, people will say we trust
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: God for provision, but then you still worry and then
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: you still stress. And you could choose, I'm going to trust.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: And even if you are scared about it, you could say,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I'm going to choose to still be joyful and be
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: thankful for what we have. And you know what, we'll
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: figure it out kind of thing. And So my deal is, okay,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: you can be stressed and angry for the month. At
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: the end of the month, you're going to be the
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: same regardless. So why not just be happy? Why not
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: just choose joy and choose trust? Again, easier said than done.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's, gosh, man, financial hardship is so hard.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: And that has been the Achilles heel for many years
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: of our marriage.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's brought a lot of stress.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: It has.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: A lot of stress internally. marriage.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: So a lot of times money doesn't cause marital strife,
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: but it can sure... I mean, if you think about it,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: you think, okay, is it if our finances causing the fights?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: And what I'd like to do, you could say yes.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, man, finances are a huge part of marriage
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: issues and marriage problems. But usually even the fact that
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: you're fighting over money, as we always say, there's always
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: something deeper. And many times the fights over finances aren't
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: about the $ 200. A lot of times it's, but it
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: has a remarkable ability to expose the things that are
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: lurking underneath. But many times we never look there. We
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: don't go to the bottom and say, what's this really about?
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: You know, we're just going to fight about the stuff.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: It's very rare, I think, in a marriage where the
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: husband and the wife are exactly the same on marriage.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Usually we're like completely different.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: You mean on money?
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: What did I say?
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: On marriage.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: On marriage, sorry, yeah, on money. You know, one is
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: the spender and one's the saver. Or, you know, one
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: is like, very into it and they've got that financial
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: brain and they're all into it. The other one may
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: put their head in the sand about it.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Some people are, hey, you can't take it with you.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: And other people are like, hey, save for a rainy day.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: What about the future? What about retirement? What about college
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: fund for the kids? So right there, as we start
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: talking about it many times, when you've got the spender,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: the saver, you've got things that you want to pay
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: off because we have debt, but things you want to buy.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: So it brings up priorities. It brings up talk about values,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: about your vision for your life. Do we want the
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: lake house or do we want to save for the
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: kids' college? And maybe you can't do both, right? So, yeah,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: it brings up those conversations. But many times that's where
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: you've never really spoken maybe out loud some of the
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: dreams you have for your life. And you've just held
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: them internally or you just assumed your partner was on
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: the same page.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: And then you've got these expectations and that's where the
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: fights come in.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you're killing us. What are you doing?
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: And you're like, what? I just this is a great
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: new truck that I just found. You know, it's like, wait,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: I thought we were saving for a vacation later this year.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Did you really need that truck?
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: And so many times then the question of it's do
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you value what I value? Do you trust my judgment?
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: You know, right there. So different priorities. Sometimes there's the
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: unequal income, right? That can be an issue when one
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: feels like he or she is doing their lion's share
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: of providing. And then it's like, hey, you know what?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I'm making this money. I'm a grown man. I'm a
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: grown woman. I can spend it on whatever I want to, right?
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: And sometimes you're not consulting the other person, so then
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: you feel disrespected. You don't feel considered. Like, wait, that
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: was inconsiderate. You did not consider me in that decision,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: especially if you make some kind of major purchase without
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: consulting your spouse first. So it can be about control
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: or it can feel like it's control.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: We've talked before about with the budgeting thing, if I
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: got in there and said, okay, we got to really, A,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: do a budget, B, we got to stick to this.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And then if I felt like you weren't, then even
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: that conversation, it feels like you're in trouble and you're
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: being scolded by a mad dad or he's given his
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: daughter an allowance or what have you. So there's all
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: kinds of issues that have caused. So think back to
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: one of our biggest or some of our biggest fights
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: over money.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: I remember quite a few times this happening and this
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: was like maybe this was like early on. I would
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: do really the bulk, I would say the lion's share
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: of the shopping. So I'm the one that would go
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: to the grocery store, get all the things the kids need, blah, blah, blah, whatever,
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: school supplies, all that. And so, of course, that gave
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: me more opportunity to be at a store, be at Target,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: or be at Walmart, or be wherever it was. And
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: so I'd find a cute shirt and you know, like, wow,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: this was such a great deal. I got this for,
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: you know, nine 99 or 11. Look how cute this is.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: And you're like, yeah, babe, that's really cute. But you
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: are like nickeling and diming us to death. I just
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: remember hearing that phrase over and over. You're just nickeling
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: and diming us to death. And I remember I would
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: immediately feel like, kind of like scolded, you know, like,
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: like my dad or whatever. But then I also would
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: in my mind, like, It's like tit for tat. I'm like,
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: wait a second.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: That's so unfair. I bought that shirt for $ 9.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: 99, but then he just bought golf clubs for $ 300
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: or a piece of musical equipment or whatever. So it
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: was like this tally thing. I'm going, I would have
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: to buy 30 shirts.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: You have to buy 12 shirts from Target to equal
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: your fishing gear that you just bought at Bass Pro.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: But really what I was saying was, Yeah, I.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Was about to say, when's the last time I bought
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: golf clubs? No, I know. 37 years ago. I know. No,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: but I get it.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just that.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: But everybody listening, they always come to me, Brian, your
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: golf clubs.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: No, usually it's, you know, guys have, and this isn't, again,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: this isn't always, but like, you know, things are more expensive. Mm-hmm.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: You know, we just find like little deals all the time.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm hearing guys cringe going, oh no, wives are
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: out there buying, they're shopping and they got 35 pairs
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: of shoes and 14 purses and how many shoes can
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: you wear? And yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: So I just remember kind of going back and forth
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: on that. Like we just hadn't really agreed on how
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: we want to spend our money or if we want
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: to save it or, you know, Hey, I'd love for you.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do that.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: You know, or just kind of agreeing on how, how
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: we wanted to go about finances.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: We were kind of like.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: Willy nilly for a little bit, but I will say
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: you are the finance major, which is interesting because now
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: what you're doing, you know, but you've always been the
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: one to be more in the game as far as
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: where we are with our, you know, financial situation and,
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: I've been more the one going, la-di-da, life is great,
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: and this is a good deal, let me get this.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: I think I'm super frugal, so I'm not some crazy
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: shopping person. But I do think that you've always kind
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: of had a grip more on how we're doing.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So you are very frugal, and you're wise, and you
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: made good decisions. So this brings up point number one.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: That we just, because there's so many things we could
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: talk about. And as we're just riffing on the feeling
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: disrespected or, you know, the control aspect or, you know,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: somebody has just got different views on a spender versus
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: a saver and what you tend to do. Some of
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: the things that have become very, very practical that we
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: share with a lot of couples. One is this, and
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: it's funny you brought up the finance major and having the,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: so if I, yeah, I graduate with this finance degree, right? And,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: you know, minored in accounting and all that, which is
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: boring and I hate it. But when we, I remember
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: when we first married, everything should just balance back when
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: you had a checkbook and you balanced, you know, it's
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: like if it's a penny off, then it might as
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: well be a hundred dollars or a thousand dollars off.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Like you should know exactly and it should balance. Right.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: And so I was kind of anal about that. And
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: it wasn't like I was looking at every day, but
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: it's like, if we did finally, you know, pull out
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: the checkbook and balance it after six months, I'd want
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: to know if we were way off and like, wait,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: what's going on here? But the fact was, it's like,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I'm going to look at the money. I'm going to
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: do the budget. Like, let me handle like the finances
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: or the strategy. And then when I got kind of
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: tired of it, I was like, babe, here, you do it.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: And I just kind of threw it to you and
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: you were happy to take it. And it wasn't really like,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: vision and strategy for you, it was just paying the bills.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Just getting it done.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Like here, let me just pay the bills. But then
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: you're not looking at the overall picture. Like, do we
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: have some cheaper money? And why don't we pay off the,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: if we have debt, pay off the more expensive money first.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: And you know, get into the envelope system for discretionary or,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: you know, the snowball effect, the Dave Ramsey stuff. But
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: so one of the things I would highly recommend that
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: instead of the man does it or the woman does it,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: you do it together. Because what happened is then I
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: took it back from you, but then we started doing
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: it together. So if I sit down, the worst thing
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: you can do is just never do a budget. And
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: that's what most of us do. Especially if two people
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: are working and you're busy, it's like, hey, we got enough.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Or even if it's not enough, we got money coming in,
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: we'll figure it out. And that's just how a lot
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: of people live. But what's so, it feels restrictive. You know,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: tonight's Monday Night Football. Let's see. Do I want to
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: open up a freaking Excel spreadsheet and do a budget?
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Do I want to watch Monday Night Football?
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Hmm, wonder which one.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Right, it's a no-brainer. But whenever the time when you
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: sit down, you say, okay, here's how much we make.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Here's our fixed expenses. Here's our variable expenses. Here's our debt. Here's,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: you know, our dreams for saving or for paying stuff
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: off or whatever. That's it. If you don't dream, if
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: you don't have a vision, if you don't have a goal,
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? Like if you don't have, if
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: you're not aiming at some target. you're going to be
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: way off, right? You're not even aiming at anything. But
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: if I'm doing it, if I sit down and do it,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: then I have all these expectations that you are going
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: to read my mind or you know what we're supposed
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to do or what we're working towards. So You have
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: to sit down and do a budget. I highly recommend that.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: And it can be one of the most freeing things
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: you can do. It's not restrictive. When you put it
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: down on paper, you can go, look at this. So
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: let's say you are in debt, right? Which most of
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: us are. But if you look and say, okay, if
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: we can rein this in, like, babe, if you don't
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: spend $ 2, 700 a month on Target Visa, if you spend
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: just $ 1, 000 a month on Target Visa, which is maybe
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: was at the time the kids' clothes, all the groceries,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: you know, so much. But you set a limit and
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: then that extra $ 1, 700, you know, from the $ 2, 700 to $ 1, 000,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: you start putting that towards your debt retirement. And when
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: you look at that and you go, look at this,
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: we could be out of debt in six months. We
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: can be out of debt in eight months, whatever it is.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: And You start, it's like we're in this together and
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: we've got this goal and we're going to do this.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: And when you see it on paper, I think there's
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: something about that that can be energizing.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Well, but if I've got it, if I've got the
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: spreadsheet and I never share it with you, or I
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: come in loaded for bear, come on, babe, you got
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: to do this. You know, this is all on you.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're just out there again, nickel and
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: diming us to death. It's sit down, and say, what
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: do we want to accomplish? Do we want to increase
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: our savings? Do we want to, and by the way,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I remember you saying, but look at all this extra
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: we have at the end of the month. You made
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: that comment, this is like 25 years ago. And I'm like, babe,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: we don't have any extra if we have debt. If
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: we have any debt, there's no extra. That just means
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: we just didn't put the money towards the debt that
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: we should have retired, right? So it's sitting down and
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: making a plan and then agreeing to it. And then
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: the big part is how do you have the discipline
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: to stick to the budget?
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: And so I remember one of our biggest fights was
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: we had, and we tell this story a lot. We
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: had sat down and we had made the budget and
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I'd looked at, I said, sweetheart, we can be out
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: of debt in about six months. If we stick to this,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: be totally out of debt. And we didn't really want
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: to do debt. We were not in on it. And
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: like credit card is just throwing money because of interest.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: So you don't want to be paying interest, right? And
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: so it's like, let's get rid of this. And obviously
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: pay off the higher interest first and then all that
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: and then the snowball effect. Keep the cheap debt. I
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: remember we had student loans that were just very, very,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: like at the time, low interest rate. And if you
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: got some debt that's like 0%, a car payment or something,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: I get it, Dave. Pay cash for a car. But
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: if you can't get the 0%, But you don't want
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: to pay it off before you pay something off that,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: you know, if you're paying six and a half percent
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: on something. Anyway, so we said we can be out
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: of debt in six months. And if we stick to this, well, about,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know, three or four days later, you came
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: into me and you said, hey, sweetheart. And I had
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: heard the conversation going. I just hear it starting to
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: stir up. Your family had planned this great trip to Frisco,
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Colorado for this summer. And everybody's going to go into
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: this massive Airbnb or whatever. And you came to me.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: And when you asked me that, it just hit me
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: at the wrong time. Because I was like... I looked
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: at you like, are you freaking crazy?
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I remember that look to today. And then the fight.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: It was like, are you smoking?
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: So....
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: The deal was, instead of me first saying, I'd love
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: to go to Frisco, Colorado, and agreeing with you on
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: something that we both love, you know, family time and
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: travel and Colorado, I mean, who wouldn't want to go?
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I started with, you're crazy. You're killing us. Okay, we
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: can't be out of debt in six months. So the
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: conversation was, it was a huge fight.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And I think you don't value or respect my efforts
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: at trying to get us out of debt when you're
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: just wanting to bring up an idea to go to Frisco, Colorado.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: So first agree with, hey, that's an amazing idea. I'd
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: love to go to Frisco, Colorado, but we can't afford it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Or let's let the data be the bad guy, right?
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Let's let the budget be the bad guy instead of me, right?
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: And so you go, hey, remember, like we had planned
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: to be out of debt in six months and we
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: didn't plan for this trip. We didn't put it. It's
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: not in the budget. So we could say, okay, this
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: is going to mean we're out of debt in eight
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: months instead of six months. And so do we want
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: to go? Which, by the way, you want to tell
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: the punchline?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: We went.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: We did. We went to Frisco, Colorado. And we enjoyed it.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And we'll never forget those memories.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Never, never regret it. And where's that money now? Yeah, right, right. Well, yeah,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: still in debt. So, yeah, that's one of the things.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: And so sitting down preemptively and saying, hey, I think
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: family vacations are going to be a priority and I
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: want us to put those in the budget, that right
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: there could have avoided everything. But then when it does
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: come and you're surprised by something, don't just, you know,
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: think they have horrible intentions or they don't respect you.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Just realize they're coming at it with a whole different
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: value set than you are.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Anything to say on that?
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Well, no, I think that was, you know, we've grown
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: a lot since then as far as just communicating, just
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: knowing our hearts, like what's behind it. And then how
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: do we respond to each other in a loving way
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: that doesn't come across like that? And I think about
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: now too, I probably could have approached it a little
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: bit better. Not just like, well, don't ask if you
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: can go, but just maybe, you know, come and say, hey,
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: I know we just had this big conversation about money.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: This wasn't a part of it. And so I get it.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: We probably aren't, you know, we probably cannot do this.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: But I wanted to let you know my family's kind
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: of talking about this trip. Is it something that we
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: could look at and work on together, like where we
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: could save before then to kind of save up for it?
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Or is it just a hard no? And let it
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: be more of a conversation instead of like, you know, well,
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: like it was.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: And I want to make a point. So I felt
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: at times you would put me in the position to
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: be the bad guy, to like say no. And it's
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: not like you're asking my permission. It's not like I'm
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: the king or I'm in control. So I just want
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: to say that out loud for people who may be thinking, well,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: why is she asking if you can go? So it's like, no,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: we are a couple. We're one. We have our finances
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: and the numbers we just agreed upon, you know, it
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: just wasn't there. And so just asking me, I remember
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: feeling like, man, why are you even asking me this? So,
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: but you're right. We should have had a conversation as
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: a team, as the team, you know, team Hackney budget.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Because it was, I mean, it's not like I'm
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: not going to ask you and just say, just tell
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: my family, sorry, we're not going and we're not going to,
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: even discuss it, you know, it could have been, it
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: could have been an option, but also I want to be,
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: I want to learn to communicate about everything. So even
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: if it is a no, cause I don't want, I
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: wouldn't want my family to say something to you and you,
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: what are you talking about?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: She, no one ever said a word to me.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: That would have been nice. I'm glad you said that.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: And that's why I said you could do that because
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: many couples, I, they're just, everyone operates differently. And I
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: just wanted to make the point, You could have done that. Like,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: you know what? Sorry guys. It's, we don't have the
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: money for it because we just did our budget and
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: we didn't plan for this. So man, I'd love to
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: do it. So some people have that personality. That is
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: not your personality. And I know you would never do that.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: And so, but same thing with like, let's say the
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: kids need something or, and this is going to get
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: into need versus want and thinking about the future. Those
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: are three words, need, want, and future when you think
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: about finances. But there were things that if you would like,
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: let's say the kids want something, it's not really a
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: need and they just want it. We've had the budget talk.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: And if you come and ask me, Hey, the kids
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: want this. It's like, wait, do they need it?
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: So that would be the first thing I would think
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: if we had done the budget and we didn't budget
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: for that thing.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: And that's where the fight could come in. If you
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: just think, okay, I'm going to ask Brian, And then
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: if I say no, I'm the bad guy instead of
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: letting the money be the bad guy. Do you see? Yes.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: And I think that's where the tension will come in
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: or does come in. I mean, I see it all
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: the time. And I want to get to that. So
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: the $ 200, somebody spends $ 200 and one spouse looks and goes,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: do you really need that thing for $ 200? But it's
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: not about the $ 200. They're not arguing about that. The
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: other person says, man, I work hard. Why can't I
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: enjoy the fruits of my labor? Why can't I get
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: whatever I want? So they're arguing there about values, about control,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: and about respect. And so those are the things that
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: the couple needs to sit down and say, okay, when
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: you came to me, here's what I was feeling. Like, again,
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: instead of me blowing up, the first thing I should
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: say is, babe, I feel like you're putting me in
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: the position to be the bad guy. and to feel
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: like I'm the Gestapo or, you know, I'm the one
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: who's always going to say no. And you could then
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: you would understand maybe why I was having that reaction
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: and we can talk about it.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: And say, what would be a better way for us
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: to team up on this?
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: And I think it really is how you approach it.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: I would see it maybe a little different than what
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: you're saying, but I guess I'm now to the point
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: where I want to communicate about everything.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, we've learned.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: Not keep you in the dark about anything. And so
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: let's say Christian is like, I don't want these cleats
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: for football. I would rather have these cleats for football.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: I could tell him, no, we can't do that, son.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: We're not going to do that and leave you in
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: the dark about it. And maybe some guys would be like, whew, thanks.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to know about all that whole conversation.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: But in my mind, I see maybe a more productive
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: learning to communicate about it would be bringing that to you,
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: just saying, hey, son, it's a bigger thing than dad
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: and I have in the budget. We're going to have
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: to talk about it. Not I am going to have to,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I would say yes, but I'm going to talk to
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: dad and then come back with the bad news like
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I just got the no from dad.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Not at all.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: I think when you let your kids know It's a
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: weird situation. It's not, well, here, I'm the softy and
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: I'd let you, but we better talk to dad. And
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: you're not going to set it up like that. It's
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: like that's, dad and I have talked about it. It's
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: not in the budget, but I want to, this is
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: an important thing for dad and I to talk about.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: So then if I were to talk to you and
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: you're like, man, I'd love for him to get those.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: And we talk about a solution. What can he do
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: to earn that money? Or I remember whenever I was
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: young and I wanted something I wanted a pair of
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: yo-yo shoes that were expensive or whatever, Gloria Vanderbilt jeans
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: or whatever. I would ask my parents for it, and
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: sometimes they could afford it or they would want to
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: do that for me. If it was not in the
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: budget or something that they're like, that's kind of a lot,
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: they would say, hey, if you want it, we'll go
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: and have it with you.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: And then sometimes I would.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: Be like, oh, I don't want it that bad, and
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: it would change my mind. Or I'd be like, yes, sweet.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I'll do, you know, I'll work another shift at Tippins
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: to afford it or whatever, you know, if I wanted
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: something bad enough. But, I mean, sometimes it was a no.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Or if you want it, you can get it. Or
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: we'll go in halves with you. And so I kind
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: of like that approach where it's a, like it's a,
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: we're a team. And I'm going to bring, you know,
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: we're going to kind of discuss things together. Yeah.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you also brought up the, and I mean,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: I'd said it, and maybe you said it in a
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: different way. Excuse me. But like mom's a softie, dad's
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: the hard butt. And so let's go to mom and
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: ask her. Like she's sweet. She'll get us whatever we want. Dad,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: he's just mean. Well, maybe dad is worried about money,
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: and maybe he doesn't feel like there's enough. Maybe he
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: has done a budget and looked at it or whatever.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: and hasn't shared with the kids that things are tight.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: And so he reacts negatively. But if you set it
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: up that way, and the kids think, I'm going to
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: go to mom, and then, well, go ask your dad,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: or what does dad think? So I think many couples,
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: I know, many couples, they live in that. And it
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: could be mom is the hard ass, and dad is
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: the softy, and just, man, dad's the pushover. And so
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: think about too, now how family of origin comes in,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: the way you were raised, the way I was raised.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: So many men will say, and women, if you came
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: from that home where dad said, man, if you want it,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: figure it out, you know, go work for it. Because
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: that's the way I grew up. And if he grew
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: up that way, or she grew up that way, a
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: lot of times that's the way they're going to react
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: to their kids. And it's like, maybe money's not even tight. It's, man,
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: we've got plenty of Some people grew up, mom and
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: dad just wanted to do that for their kids. The
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: other one was like, heck no, man. I walked both
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: ways in the snow, uphill, blah, blah, blah. And I
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: had to work since I was 13. You'll see many
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: times that's behind, that emotional reaction. That's what's underlying the
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: way the parent responds to the kid. It's the way
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: they were raised. And it's almost like misery loves company. Hey,
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: it was hard for me. And that's where sometimes the
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: spouse can come in and go, hey, but you didn't
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: like that. Or maybe that felt unfair, or maybe it
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: felt like you weren't loved. So there's all kinds of,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: and if some people would say, hey man, teach the
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: kid responsibility, teach them if they want something, they got
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: to work hard for it. So I'm all about that.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: But it's, and again, you said it, it's not setting
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: it up where it's good cop, bad cop, and it's
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: communicating so that when you are communicating, and I know
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: we're talking about parenting now and the kids, but it's
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: you're a united.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Front united front that's exactly what i was.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: Thinking you're together you're a team and so so let's
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: take the kids out of the equation this is whether
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: it's empty nesters or or before kids it's what do
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: we want like what are our priorities and we go
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: back to our vision meeting you know what's the vision
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: for our life do we want to retire debt do
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: we want to put money in savings do we want
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: to save for uh retirement do we want to have
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: you know something that that We don't feel like we
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: want to pay interest for it, so let's start saving
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: for it. If you never have that conversation, then it's just, well,
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Jamie's got in her head what she wants. Brian's got
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: in his head what he wants. And if you don't
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: communicate about it, you will go, what the heck? Do
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: you need another nail appointment? You did your hair again?
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: Or really, another appointment? freaking golf outing, right? Just five
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: hours on the golf course. Oh, and you needed that
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: new set of clubs or that new driver to go
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: with it. So that's where a lot of the fights
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: come in. It's like, do you really need that? Is
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: that necessary? So let's talk about, I want to talk
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: about just real practically the difference between need and want.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Because when you say that, like, do we need it
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: or do we want it? So a lot of times
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: people will laugh and say, Well, yeah, you have different perspectives.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: So I can remember like you getting defensive when I
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: would ask, do we need that right now or do
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: we just want that? Is that something that we really
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: need or do we just want it? And so then
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: you would go right into why we need it. And
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: so that could be a fight because now we're going
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: to argue about like, okay, I feel like she's really
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: going to make the case for the need. And I'm
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: just going to kind of point out that it's a want.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: How about if you care about your partner and you
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: really love them, like, tell me why you really, really
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: want this and tell me, try to understand instead of fighting,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: you know, gearing up for an argument and making your case.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Let me hear her heart. Maybe it is just a want,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: but do I want to help her get that want?
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Do I want to like
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: turn this thing into a need instead of a fight? Right.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Where we, we, you know what? I want to do this.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: And many times, I mean, this is something that I
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: think goes a lot of times unspoken with men. We
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: really want to provide certain things, but literally we would
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: bend over backwards to get it or to provide everything
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: you want. But when we feel the fear, then we react.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: So that's what I was saying about the Frisco. I
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: would love to provide that. But many times when we
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: feel like we can't, we get angry because we feel
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: like it's a shot to our provision, our manhood, whatever
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: it is, because I can't provide, so don't even ask.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: I remember my dad getting upset when my mom would
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: just point out that there's a noise in the car.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: They'd be driving down the roads like, what's that noise?
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: There's no noise.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: And first he would ignore it. We wouldn't even answer
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: the question. Well, then he was, there's no noise. And
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: then I started realizing as I got older and had
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: our own issues with finances, a lot of times he
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: reacted that way because it's like, I can't hear a noise.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: There cannot be a noise because that means there's something
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: wrong with the car and I don't have the money
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: to fix it.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: So when I would go off on the boys for
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: breaking something on the pool, you know, they're knucklehead boys.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: They're going to be doing stuff, but it's like, I
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: knew we could not replace that pool sweep. So then
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I go off on them. So yes, they need to
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: learn responsibility to treat property. That's especially, that's not theirs,
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: you know, with care and to be considerate and to
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: be again, responsible and all that stuff and grow up
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: and be mature, but they're not, they're not yet. Right.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: You want to teach them that and they will grow
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: into that because they'll do, you know, again, parenting is caught.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: It's not taught. They will do what you model many,
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: many times. But the point is, so the discipline that
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: they needed after breaking the pool sweep was appropriate, but
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: the way I reacted was not appropriate. The way I
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: reacted was commiserate with the amount of stress I was
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: feeling and the fear I was feeling. And so that
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: came out as too much anger over the thing. So again, how,
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: how do you get past that? You explain, Hey kids,
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: here's what I was thinking. We can't, we don't have
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: the money to replace that. And so, right. That's a
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: different conversation than just, you know, you're grounded, get out
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: of the pool, you stupid, you know, and making them
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: feel horrible.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You mentioned this a few minutes ago, but I
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: think there's so much to the underlying finances, which is
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: this whole conversation. is it's really so much more than
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: the money. And so much of it goes back to
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: how you were raised or what you saw growing up.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: So if you look back and you think, man, what
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: was my What were my thoughts on money growing up?
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: What were my parents' thoughts on money?
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: What did I see my parents... A lot of people
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: picture their parents... fighting intensely about money or, you know,
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: that was always a big thing, or they were made
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: to feel guilty if they ask for something. And, you know,
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: it was, they never had enough, never had enough. And, um,
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: they were told different things, you know, were different things
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: were spoken over them as a child, or they just
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: lived in this scarcity mindset and, or they'd see their parents.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: They just remember walking by the office and the parents
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: would be in there just, you know, stressed and You
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: could just feel, I mean, when you're stressed about something.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Tension fills your... Like the home office, the study, or whatever.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: The dining room table was my mom spread out the bills.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: And we heard trust in God and God provides, but
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I saw her, you know, struggling over the too much
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: month at the end of her money.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I just think so much is in there inside
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: of us that we maybe haven't ever even explored. Like
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: what is, you know, what are my thoughts on money?
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: Like it can, you know, money can be a really,
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: really cool thing. Like the opportunities that provides, you can,
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: you know, become a really great steward, a really great giver.
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: Lots of, you know, great things can come from it,
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: but it can also just be the death of you.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: It could be the death of your marriage. And some
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: people stay buried in those old Like old triggers, old wounds,
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: old lies that they believed.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: And they never connected the dots.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And so when you don't connect the dots, you
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: can never outgrow that 12-year-old kid who's still scared to
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: death about money or, ah, it just was such a
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: tense subject in your home. And so you're just going
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: to drag that crap right into your marriage.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: I don't even.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: Want to talk about it because it was just a fight.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: Let me just go disappear. Let's just avoid it. Let
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: me just kind of bury my head, like you said,
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: and somebody else is looking at it all the time, like, wait,
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: why can't we communicate about this? It's funny you said,
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: so there's a scarcity and abundance mindset that you can
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: kind of just translate into so many areas of your life.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: But there's also, I'm picturing clients where it's this young
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: couple and they're married and the woman grew up with
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: total abundance. She grew up in a very wealthy and
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: she had everything she wanted and money was never an issue.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: And now.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: she's just like, Hey, it's no big deal. And he's
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: came from a deal where it was, it was always tight.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: And so he's going to be penny pension. He's like,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: do you really need that? And they may make plenty
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: of money, but their attitudes toward it are totally different
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: because of how they, like you said, how they grew up.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I had, I had one woman. Um, so she grew up,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: they came in and he was like, man, I just
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: feel like my, my wife, she just, she doesn't respect me. And, and, um,
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: I try to do things for, and she's like, no,
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I got it. I'm good. And she just seems so independent.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: And she just kept, you know, they just felt like
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: they were kind of on two different pages. They become roommates.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: And she just kind of, she worked and worked and
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: she did her own thing. And she's like, no, no.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: And he would, he would want to do things for her.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: So no, I got this. I got this just very self-sufficient. So, um, we,
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: we started talking and I asked her about her family
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: and this is, you know, over 20 years ago. And, and, um, Yeah.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Just in case somebody was thinking, oh, you're talking about me.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: We just see it. It's so common that all of
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: a sudden there's the girl who was raised by a
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: single mom and that men, they will screw you. They're
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: not reliable. You can't count on a man for anything.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: They've abandoned us. And so you have to do it
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: on your own. And so there's that. Sometimes the woman
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: who's just said, I just need to figure this out
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: on my own. And so She doesn't want to rely
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: on a man. And now he's wanting to do things
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: for her, not just in the financial arena for provision,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: but even just acts of service. And she's just kind
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: of doing the stiff arm. And that makes him feel
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: so disrespected because he's wanting to do this. Well, I
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: asked this one woman, there was that, but there was
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: also then a stepdad in the picture. And I said,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I just started saying, so when's the first time you
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: felt like this. And she said, I just never want
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: to be a burden to my husband. And I said, Hmm.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: I said, when, when did that start? And she said, Oh,
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: and he just kind of went, Oh, from day one.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: I said, well, when did this start in your life?
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: When have you ever been told you were a burden
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: to a man? And she sat there and the tears
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: started welling up in her eyes. And she told me
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: a story about when she graduated that she was from
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: high school, right? She had her high school diploma, literally.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: And they were going to get in the car and
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: go for a little, he said, hey, do you have
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: your diploma with you? The stepdad. And she said, no.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: And she goes, well, go get it. Because they were
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: about to go eat. And she thought, he's going to
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: want a picture. And she's just proud of me. And
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: she goes, she gets the diploma. They get in the car.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: They're driving. They're driving. He stops off at a place
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: and goes inside. She said a little hotel and asked
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: for their copy machine behind the desk. Went in, made
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: a copy of the diploma and handed it to her
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: and said, here, you're finally off my payroll. Handed the
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: diploma back to her and said, you're off of my payroll.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: And she thought, wow, I've been a burden to him.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: I'll never, ever be a burden to another man again.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: And so that was an inner vow she made. Yeah.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: And so when you make that inner vow, you've just
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: taken the sovereignty of God away from you in your life.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: And so, so many of us make inner vows about
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: a lot of different things. And now we have become
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: sovereign in that area of our life. And so many times, again,
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: the pendulum swung, right? We missed the mark over here.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: We swung it this other way. And because I never
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: want to be a burden, that's now going to play
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: out in our marriage. So financially, they were having all
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: kinds of problems. And when she... Connected those dots. She thought, man,
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: I'm going to lighten up and allow. I'm not a burden.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: My husband loves me. And so I can allow him
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: to actually do things for me and provide things for me.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: And I don't have to do it on my own.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Because guess what? You're a team.
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: You're a partner. The cool thing is.
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: We share with a lot of couples that marriage is
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: a mirror. And, you know, that lady could have lived
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: the rest of her life alone and being you know,
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: being a baddie and, and taking care of business, you know,
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: just being misindependent and okay, great.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: But inside she.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: Really, man, that's a lot to carry, you know, but that's,
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: that is kind of that inner vow that she set
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: so long ago and just spun out of control and
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: followed her for the rest of her life, you know, and, um,
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: in marriage and not just in this category, but in
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: every category, if marriage is a mirror, when she married
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: that man and he looks at her like, man, I
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: want to serve you. I want to do, like you
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: have somebody pushing up against you to where like holding
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: that mirror in front of you and you have to
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: pay attention to it and say, ooh, wow, I guess
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: I am like that. And I don't want to be
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: like that, but is there another way? And then you
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: begin to be curious, like what's going on inside of me?
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: And then maybe you go to coaching or counseling and,
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: and you start turning over rocks and finding so many
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: ways that connect the dots back to that high school
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: diploma or whatever. So I love marriage in that way,
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: but it also makes it super hard because many times
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: we don't love what we see in the mirror. But
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: when we can really wrestle that to the ground and say, man,
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: I don't want to just be this way because this
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: is who I am. This is what I bring to
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: the marriage, just like it or lump it. It's like, no,
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: I can still learn and grow together. and untangle this
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: mess and let's get some clarity and let's find some
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: peace and let's find some freedom. And we don't have
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: to be that old person anymore. And so marriage can
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: actually be such a gift to you if you can
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: get to the bottom of all that. Sometimes people just like,
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: you just make me feel horrible and you make me
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: feel horrible.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: And like, we're just going to divorce. When really, if,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: Many times there's just some things that you guys can Yeah.
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, you may think this is ridiculous, but you're right.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: And getting to the bottom, untangling, as you just said,
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: going back and saying, what's motivating the emotion in my
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: husband or my wife right now? What's going on? How
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: were they raised? What was their trauma in their life
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: around finances? Did the broken home create financial difficulty? Was
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: there financial hardship because one of their parents was incarcerated
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: or someone passed away or they divorced or The list
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: goes on and on. Or one was raised with the
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: military parent who said, no, dang it, you're going to
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: do everything on your own. There's people who want to
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: help their kids get through college. And other people say,
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: if you want to go to college, you're going to
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: pay for it. You're going to get a job. You're
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: going to work. And there's all these different mentalities. But
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: so many times you haven't gotten. It's curious about what's
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: driving those decisions that they're making. This is the way
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: it is, you know. And so and even if it
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: was the way it was with your and you think
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: that's the best way because it worked for you. Hey,
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: there's there could be a new way in your home.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: You can start another way in the way that you
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: guys do it. So here's the weekly challenge. Let's do this.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: And before you sit down and make a budget, which again,
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: I highly recommend that. Because so many things in life
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: are not objective. They're just not. Here's the truth. Here's
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: this objective fact. It's subjective. There are different ways to
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: look at it and different opinions. But with money... it
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: can get real like hard fact data, like the chat
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: GPT or whatever the budget doesn't lie. The spreadsheet is
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: the spreadsheet. It is what it is kind of thing.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: But with that, with that known quantity of what, how
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: much you make and what your fixed expenses are, then
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: you get into the variable stuff. It's what are our needs?
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: What are our wants? And then what about the future?
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: So what I would do say is before you even
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: do anything with any price tags attached, before you sit
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: down and make a budget, sit down and make a
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: list of your priorities. What are my needs? What are
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: my wants? And what am I thinking about the future?
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: And both of you, both spouses sit down and make
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: that list for yourself independently and then compare. And when
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: you compare the no judgment, Like no looking like, what
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: the hell are you thinking? Just no, again, no judgment.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: It's time to just sit down and go, wow, this
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: is going on inside of you right now. This is
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: what you're thinking. This is what you're feeling. And then
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: when you can, especially when you have the commonalities on
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: the needs and the wants, if you obviously start there,
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, let's put those in the budget. And
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: then the future starts. Okay, that's cool. I hadn't even
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: thought about that. We do need to think about that.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: So start with those conversations. After you make your list,
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: compare the two, sit down and talk about them, and
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: then sit down and make a follow-up budget and thank
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: us later.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Needs, wants, future. N-W-F. That's your challenge for this week.
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: We'd love to hear from you.
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: And you can, you know, those are three, just three,
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: like if you put them on a spreadsheet and just
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: put out, it'd be really easy to sit down. You've
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: got one column for needs. That's A. And then the
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: next column for wants. That's B.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: And then for the future, that's column C.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Have a great week.