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Why Trying to Fix Yourself Makes You Fail Faster (And What Actually Builds Capacity) · Regulating & Raising

• MaKenzie: Today's conversation is for the deeply self-aware mom who has done all the work, therapy, books, coaching, healing, and still finds herself cycling through dysregulation, burnout, and disconnection from her body. So I am joined by Ravel, a clairvoyant healer, a somatic and embodiment coach, and the creator of Holosoma, her own mythology that has helped. sensitive high capacity nervous systems find real coherence across every layer of consciousness. From the spiritual to the physical, reveled work bridges nervous system physiology with deep soul level integration, meeting women exactly where they are when the conventional healing path has stopped actually working. So today we are diving into the gap. between insight and embodiment. We are talking about why the mind can know something the body has not yet caught up to. What real integration looks like for sensitive moms doing cycle-breaking work in the real time and how to actually stop fixing yourself and start building sustainable capacity to actually live as the woman you already are. So this conversation is depth medicine. So buckle up, get cozy. Ravel, I am so honored to have you here. Ravelle Laurette: Yes, thank you for having me, Kenzie. MaKenzie: All right, so let's get started on you just giving us a quick introduction of like where you're from, ⁓ how you got to where you are today. Just kind of give us the rundown. Ravelle Laurette: Yes, so I mean, I grew up in Houston, Texas. So I lived there half my life and then moved over to Austin where I went to college. And I've been there up until this day. Texas through and through. But yeah, my journey has been, you know, obviously, think for most people I can see before the journey has been in layers. And it's been really transformative of what's come up for me because I grew up in a household. where I had a lot of CPTSD and a lot of internalized shame. So with that became this really early imprint in how I approached self-development around how do I fix myself? How do I understand myself? How do I recognize the patterns that are inside of me? And my parents owned a bookstore. So I literally had access to hundreds of books at my disposal. And so I remember as early as eight years old grabbing self-development books and being like, how do I get better? who I am, like why don't I belong? Why don't I fit in? Why is school so hard for me? And I think a lot of that had to do with the neurodivergence and not really understanding why my brain operated differently. But yeah, that began my journey of like, how do I improve? How do I get better? How do I become successful? And that built up a lot of math as I got older. You know, I got good at achieving. I got good at succeeding. But with that, I also created this very complex and complicated mask that essentially hid my body's deeper vulnerabilities, these deeper levels of ⁓ fear of not being worthy, not being good enough. No matter what I did, there would always be something more for me to achieve or more for me to do. And I'm really grateful because I grew up as an incredibly shy, incredibly reserved. incredibly introverted individual and you know, I found acting, found sales and both of those pathways really forced me to grow. They forced me to get good at communicating. They forced me to get good at attuning to other people. And it once again, you know, I did go through a lot of growth, but it also gave me a lot of masks. And so, you know, I eventually found myself probably around 2018 where I was like, okay, what is going on? Like, why do I feel like I keep hitting a dead end? Why do I keep feeling like my body's betraying me? Why do I keep feeling like I'm constantly overthinking? I'm constantly over ruminating, playing back every scenario that would happen with any individual, know, high anxiety, all these different things. And so 2018, I discovered, you know, it was time for me to go to therapy. So I started doing that, right? And that was so expansive for me. I learned so much more about how my consciousness works, all these things that once again, MaKenzie: Thank Thank Ravelle Laurette: hit a dead end where I like, okay, now I can literally talk circles around my therapist. And I'm like, literally just talking to myself the entire therapy session. So that's when I started to get into somatic therapy and EMDR really moved the needle in a lot of ways. Other things started to move the needle and I started to do even deeper healings. ⁓ So around breath work, all these different things. once again, like things would move. MaKenzie: Mm-hmm. Ravelle Laurette: But I didn't actually realize that I was once again, almost like creating force through healing. And I'll talk about that more in depth. But in 2020, I kind of hit, and I think a lot of people did, kind of a bottom of the barrel. I was in this really successful multi-figure role in sales. I was in a good quote unquote relationship. Yeah, I felt so dysregulated inside. constantly had imposter syndrome, especially being in such a big role and holding a lot of responsibility. And I was like, what the frick is wrong with me? why am I, why can't, like I've done years of work. Like, why is nothing working? And so that led me to getting invited to a psychic school by my desk friend. And I literally remember her saying like, hey, do you want to join this with me? And my thought process at the time was, okay. I literally become psychic, surely I should be able to trust myself. Like, what else can I do? And so I joined the school and wow, it blasted everything open in a way I never even knew it could. Essentially I was given keys, a system and a framework to access any part of my consciousness of wherever I needed to go. MaKenzie: Yeah. All right. Ravelle Laurette: And it was literally felt like I was given the keys to the kingdom of like, okay, now I have a map and now I know how to actually work with my brain because I used to try to meditate and I would be horrible at it. Like I could not sit still for like five minutes. Like I was literally like, what is wrong with me? Like I feel even more anxious now. And so this framework and system that, you know, I take my coaching clients through that I learned myself essentially helps your body. become more sovereign and it's a meditation technique that actually works with people who are high functioning and works with people whose minds are going a mile a minute. And so that happens and then I got really deep into embodiment work, in somatic work. And so what I'm so passionate about is my methodology, holosoma. So I know you mentioned that a minute ago and it's a whole body approach because the biggest challenge right now is So many people are starting to understand energy. So many people are starting to understand what that means and how to access it. But once again, energy can live with an insight and there still needs to be this deep embodiment piece. so, holosoma is about bringing coherence across all the layers of our consciousness through safety, through titration, through pendulation, which I can discuss. and working with someone's unique physiology because everyone has a different way of how their physiology communicates to them and it's teaching them how to attune to that. So many of us were not taught how to do that at all. And for me, I had to actually access my physiology through my internal visualization to even get into my body. And I used to not be able to feel my body at all. Now I can feel things that I've never felt before. which is beautiful and incredible, but I had to understand my own unique way of entering into my body through safety in order for that magic to unfold. And this is where we are today. MaKenzie: ⁓ my gosh. Holy moly. Like I am like just so much more excited about where this conversation is going to go because I feel like you just told my story in different timelines. But that's how I feel like I like where you were and how you got your like went to psychic school. I feel like that was like how I found human design. Like that was my key to my like kingdom, like my treasure map. Like I feel I feel the same way. Ravelle Laurette: you Mmm. Yeah. MaKenzie: ⁓ And obviously like the nervous system came in and that's why I combine the two because I'm like, you can't have the keys unless you have the, you know, nervous system to hold it. So I feel like our stories are very similar, but I'm so excited to learn more about your methodology. Like this is so, so cool. ⁓ So let me dive into my first question that I wanted to ask you is, you you speak so powerfully about Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. Yeah. MaKenzie: the gap between insight and integration and the experience of being deeply self-aware or yet still cycling through dysregulation, like collapse or disconnection from your body. So can you walk us through like what is actually happening in a sensitive, intelligent, like nervous system when the mind knows, but the body has not caught up? And why do you think so many of the most aware women, especially mothers, like get stuck in this loop? Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. 100%. I mean, even going back to what I was talking about a minute ago, like so many self-aware women, especially mothers, get stuck in this loop because a lot of us, you know, once again, have been conditioned to fix, produce, perform, push through instead of actually listening and attuning. And it's funny even saying that because ironically listening itself can be triggering to a self-aware woman or a high-pitched tuning woman because once again, like being told to slow down and listen can feel unsafe. for someone, especially if they're used to being in a nervous system that learned early on that performance equals safety or action equals safety. So even going back to what I was saying earlier about when I sat down to get still and meditate, I got really triggered. I was like, I can't just think about nothing and like slow down. Like that was super dysregulating for my nervous system. And for self-aware women, especially for mothers, I mean, they are caring the family, they're holding the emotions, they're absorbing all of the stress, they're literally managing everyone else's needs, this is so common with women. And so healing even in and of itself, unconsciously becomes another performance. So this is one of the biggest issues I am seeing in the wellness industry right now, that healing has become transactional. you know, we're told if we do this practice perfectly or if we do this method or if you go to this workshop or do this breath work or do whatever other modality it is, then you are gonna feel happy and you're gonna get X, Z. And obviously there's good intentions there, of course. But really the challenge is that anytime we think, I'm not okay exactly where I'm at. And in order to get there, I have to heal this thing. that is signaling to your body that it is not okay exactly at it is. And it's never gonna feel safe enough to release the deeply held patterns, these forwarded survival responses in our body, as long as there's that premise. And so that is what I see as being a huge challenge. And I don't know if that's come up for you in your journey, but there's just so much there where women will access the insights and they'll even have catharsis and they will have emotions move through them and memories will come up and even breakthroughs. then, This deeper well though, ⁓ a deeper survival pattern will still just burrow deeper. And then it will just be harder for them to access it. So one thing I think is so important, and this has probably come up for you especially around capacity, is resourcing. Like a woman needs to resource before she does any type of deep work on herself around releasing trap sensations that aren't serving her. Because resourcing, being able to feel safe, being able to be in your pleasure, letting the body know that it's actually supported, it's connected before diving into the pain is absolutely necessary in order to actually get to the root. MaKenzie: So what do you kind of go more into that like resourcing? Like what is that? How do you find that? Give more examples there. Ravelle Laurette: Yeah, so resourcing is support. So you can think of resourcing in many different layers. So resourcing is giving your body enough safety, enough support that you actually feel good enough, safe enough to go into the parts of your body, the parts of your field where there's maybe a lot of fear or overwhelm or, ⁓ you know, feeling like death or all these different really intense trap sensations. where we might be shut down or all these different things. so resourcing, when I say it happens in layers, for instance, know, people that are support for you in real life can be a resource for you. So maybe you have a friend that every time you're with them, they make you feel really safe. They make you feel loved. They make you feel listened to. This could be your partner. This could be literally your children, like people that bring safety into your body. When you're with them, you feel pleasant sensations in your body. Maybe you feel yourself smiling. Maybe you feel your chest lightening and this expansion happening. And this is also recognizing when I do feel resource, what does that feel like in my body? What words can I use to describe that? Cause a lot of women were not taught how to actually learn the language of their body through the felt sense. So what does lightness feel like? What does density feel like? All these different things. What does temperature feel like in my body? and developing a library of how to connect to that. So people, ⁓ you know, this can be once again, things, you know, objects, things that once again, bring pleasant sensations into the body, touching yourself, being able to support and hold yourself. All of these things are ways that we bring support into our physiology. Because if you think about it, what body is going to be like, ⁓ I feel like I'm being attacked right now. Let me go ahead and dive into all this pain. it's gonna be way too overwhelming for someone's nervous system and it's gonna blow them into overwhelm or shutdown. And then they're gonna get more frustrated, more annoyed of like, why isn't this working? MaKenzie: So if there was like, you know, somebody who was just like starting this journey, and it's so funny that you were mentioning like healing because literally on my last interview I said like, I'm starting to not really love that world or that word because it's just like such a buzzword and I just I think that there's a lot of negative attachment to it. So somebody just like starting, you know, starting this awareness journey will say that like, Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. MaKenzie: How do you even start to like tap into that or like how do you start to like evaluate that, you know, even. Ravelle Laurette: Great question. So first thing I would say, and I would advise this to every single person beginning deeper work on themselves is stabilizing your field and getting any energy that's not you out of it. So especially as mothers, especially as women, we hold on to a lot in our energetic field. So this could be in biologically, literally in our organs. This could be in our mental field, our brain. know, energetically, we have energy anatomy, the different parts. vortices of energy, know, chakras, et cetera, depending on, you know, what labels you want to put to it. But regardless, we all have an energetic body that magnetizes things into its field. And if you have a plethora of energy in your field that is not you, it's gonna be really hard for your body to one, be sensitive enough to pay attention to anything, to feel stabilized enough to even do deeper work on yourself. And so a big... that I always teach anyone that I work with is getting anything that is not you out of your body, out of your field, so you actually know what you feel like. So a lot of people I work with can have high levels of anxiety. If you ever have anxiety, that is a good telltale sign that you have energy that isn't you in your system. It is not normal to feel anxiety. It is not normal. It's common, but it is not normal. And so that's the first piece of advice I would give is... Finding a structure, a framework, and I can obviously share a meditation over this to help with this, literally doesn't have to take more than five minutes. Literally no excuses. You can fit it in, and I always say this too, a bad meditation is better than no meditation. But running these tools to essentially get stuff that's not you out is the first step. The second step is finding what your entry point is, where you're most activated with a tuning to your body. So for me, it was my inner imagery. You know, I'm in a very intense visualizer and that was my entry point to get into my body. Cause keep in mind, like I grew up with my life not being able to feel my body. So I had very low interoception. I could not notice anything that was happening. And so I actually had to use my imagination to get into my body. So for other people, it will be different. They'll feel things before they see it or, know, other entry points. So finding out. what your entry point is to get into your physiology and just staying with that with curiosity, following the breadcrumbs of what comes up next. So if I see an image, maybe I see a color, a vision, I'm like, ⁓ that's really interesting. What's going to happen next? And I see where that leads me. And wherever your entry point is, you can use that to expand to other entry points. So this might get a little interesting, my wording. So, you know, as human beings, we all have entry points when it comes to getting into our consciousness and they're related to the five senses. So sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch. And then of course we have our sixth sense, the knowingness and these are entry points to get in deeper into your, your consciousness. And so what I mean by that for me, my entry point was visual. And so once I'm in the visual piece, I start to expand within the visual. What can I touch? What can I hear? What can I smell? And as I create a full sensory experience for that, pretending, all of a sudden my body starts to feel things. I start to get more information that comes out. And this is a really beautiful way to attune because our physiology is always communicating to us through all these different layers, sense, emotion, touch, all these different things. I mean, know a lot of your listeners are mothers. If you have, you know, I know mothers can, and I'm sure you know with your own children. What do you think a baby is doing from zero to six months? They are literally touching everything, putting everything in their mouth. They are smelling things like they are sensory beings picking up on information and they're doing that because they're getting information coming into their system. And so it's the same way with our internal world. It's setting the intention, following the breadcrumbs and expanding into that. And it's having fun with it because a lot of times we don't realize that MaKenzie: Mm-hmm. Ravelle Laurette: Curiosity is the antithesis of all the pain that can show up for women around healing. It's like, how do I stay curious? How do I stay curious? How do I stay curious? Because that, we can't feel these negative emotions if we stay in the energy of curiosity. MaKenzie: Yeah. Yeah. Why do you say that? Ravelle Laurette: So there's a term, it's from my somatic experience in training called Gestalt. Have you heard of it? So Gestalt is used in many different contexts, but Gestalt essentially means you've seen this in ⁓ illusion pictures, but they have pictures where, you know, I've seen those pictures where it's like an old woman, but then also a young woman at the same time, or a picture of like a chalice, but it's like two faces facing each other. So that is a Gestalt. And essentially, MaKenzie: Mm-mm. Ravelle Laurette: the mind cannot focus on both at once. It cancels each other out. And so with curiosity, it allows this of gestalt experience to show up where it nullifies maybe the shame or the judgment or the pressure as you continue to focus on that. And this is something I do with my clients as well in other contexts where you know, maybe they have something that feels unpleasant come up. And so we focus on what feels pleasant and allow them to experience both at once. And it's a really beautiful way for the body to realize like, ⁓ I actually can hold two things at once. And it almost like cancels each other out with one of them becoming more powerful than the other. MaKenzie: Mm. Totally. I always say, honestly, I texted my aunt this week because she was asking me about some of her pain and I literally gave her her human design chart and I was like, just get curious with it. That's my thing. I tell people all the time, just get curious with it. But I know what that means, but having you say it, I'm like, ⁓ that is truly what I mean by that and just your explanation was so great. ⁓ Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. Yeah. MaKenzie: As for clearing energy, ⁓ I also think that that's such an important factor in ⁓ ways that maybe you can bounce off of this as well or tell me if this is actually what works. But ⁓ I sage our house, so clearing energy in the home, but also I feel like that clears energy, especially in our bedroom and stuff like that. But then also, for an example, we just got back from vacation. Ravelle Laurette: Mmm. MaKenzie: And my husband, he was kind of cranky on Monday because he had to go back to work and his email load was just ridiculous. And ⁓ I could feel him and I literally tell him, I'm like, that's your energy. That's not my, I say it out loud. I'm like, that's your energy. Even my kids, if they have meltdowns or things like that, I'm like, that's your energy. I say it out loud, just to let the universe know, do not come into my space. So what do you think of those two tactics and what are some other ways to? Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. MaKenzie: Get rid of energy, bad energy. Ravelle Laurette: Well, first of all, I'm freaking love that you said that of saying that's not my energy because once again, so this is what's so important with this work is especially as women, we hold onto so many other people's thoughts, emotions, and then guess what happens if we don't have the sermon, if we don't have sovereignty, we identify with it. And if we identify with it, then we are taking on the responsibility of holding it. And then our nervous system holds it, our body holds it, and then we pay the price. And it's so true. I, you know, having done advanced energy work now for the past six years, like I will literally have waves of like, like I'll have like sadness come into my face out of nowhere. And if I didn't know any better, I'd be like, ⁓ I'm just all of a sudden very sad. And no, that's not true. It was actually someone else I knew in my community that I knew exactly who it was. And so yes, claiming that this is not my energy. was such a powerful way to be like, no, I'm not identifying with this. And this is not me. And even saying that out loud, because here's the thing, you you staging, you stating that out loud, that is your intention moving the energy. Intention moves energy. And, know, there's so many different practices to clear energy. ⁓ that's why, you know, I do it through meditation. Other people do it through movement. Dancing is such a beautiful way. And I would say like very intuitive, somatic dancing, like literally letting your body guide you with the intention of I am clearing out anything that isn't me. the setting the intention and letting your body move. So movement, facts are really powerful for this, especially salt. there's so many, know, sage is a really great one. Palisanto, all these different ways you can smudge incense. These are all resources to help you get that energy out. And the intention is what matters. you know, there's so many levels to this, right? But having that practice is so important. So I love that you do that. MaKenzie: One last thing I've been doing, which it's kind of funny, but it has been working is like, you know, every night, like I take a shower before I get to bed and like I literally am like washing the day away. But movement, like I have been like moving my hips and a figure eight. And it's like, cause I know like the infinity sign and like I've been reading a lot, but like that has been working as well. So doing figure eight hip sway movement in the shower is ⁓ a plus too. Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ my gosh, I love that. I'm going have to put that in my next hour routine. MaKenzie: Yeah, definitely. Okay, I want to get on to Holosoma. So that is work across all layers of consciousness. your spiritual, energetic, mental, emotional and physical. And you describe like trauma and survival patterns as imprints that live across like lifetimes and sisterly lines and lived experience. So for the mother who is doing cycle breaking work in the real time right now, which is most of my audience and obviously what this podcast was based upon. ⁓ What does it look like to address these layers simultaneously and how does your body's capacity directly impact what her children are absorbing, marrying and inheriting from her? Fully loaded question. Ravelle Laurette: Yes, a lot there. So first thing I will say, so holosoma, just to kind of explain it a bit better, because it is, you know, addressing things across all layers. So it's two Greek words, holo and soma, and it means whole body. And really where I was initially inspired to use that name was from the holographic brain theory from the scientists. I'm going probably butcher their names up. Pribrium? Pibrium? Anyways, maybe one of your audience members will know the exact MaKenzie: You No judgment here. Ravelle Laurette: pronunciation, but essentially the holographic brain theory back in the day, you know, they would go into people's brains through different experiments, et cetera, trying, or even a mice to try to understand where was memory stored in the brain. And so they'd remove parts of the brain, but the memory would still be there. And so that really confused scientists because it's like, okay, like, is there just no one place that memory is stored? And so that's when the new theory of like, okay, memory is actually distributed. ⁓ across the brain all at the same time. It's just like a hologram. A hologram, even if you destroy part of a hologram, the full image comes through. What would happen is they would remove parts of the brains of these mice, et cetera, and the memory would still be there just with less detail. It's honestly kind of on the same thread of holosoma. We are operating as multidimensional beings across all layers of consciousness. spiritually, energetically, psychically, ⁓ mentally, emotionally, physically, and we typically go through all layers simultaneously. So going back to ancestral imprints, going back to soul imprints, you know, we have, you know, ancestral epigenetics, know, gene expressions that can shift depending on our environment. It's the same thing with our souls. And so we come into bodies with nervous systems that have already adapted to where our souls already been, where our ancestral lines have already been. And so There is this spiritual component. Like there's so many clients I work with where they have inherited patterns of their mother, their mother's mother, et cetera. And that shows up, know, energetically, mentally, emotionally, et cetera. It shows up in these tight contracted pelvic bowls. It shows up in gut issues. It shows up in, you know, issues with the reproductive organs, our hormones, all these different things. And I can't tell you how many sessions I've had where we have had ancestors come in and cleared stuff from the women of their line, because how much they've had to hold. for so many generations. So there's such an important piece, like it's not just the body, it's not just the emotion, not just the mental, it's also the spiritual, it's also the energetic. And at the same time, the body is where we are alive here on this earth. In order for us to truly be alive, we need to be in our bodies. And once we are in our bodies, we have agency and choice. And so that is where we truly can reorganize the nervous system. I know you had a lot to your question, ⁓ but with Halosoma, that is the main theory behind it. ⁓ So for women that are trying to cycle break, this is such an important thing to focus on, to orient towards, because women are the emotional and energetic container of the household. Like whether or not they realize it, their nervous system impacts every single person around them. MaKenzie: Hmm. Ravelle Laurette: And it impacts their children. Their children are learning even from when they're in the womb, even in the womb with their mother, they are learning their nervous system is starting to develop. How does my mom respond to crisis? How does my mom respond to overwhelm? How can she hold herself? How does she regulate herself? And the children energetically follow Sue. And what's so powerful about mothers and their children is that you are in the same body together. were, you know, once you were separated, that energetic tie, and I'm sure you can speak to this again, see it is so strong that's why women's, know, mother's intuition is on a whole nother level compared to the father's. Like that is, which is so funny that I know we recently had Mother's Day and there was this really beautiful ⁓ phrase that I saw that kind of rocks me honestly, but the quote was, the earth is full of just women and their children. And it was a really powerful statement to think about because it's like, that is so true. Like we are the source of life for every single person on this planet. MaKenzie: Mm-hmm. Beautiful. Ravelle Laurette: And anyways, with that, going back to what I was saying, you know, I want to be cautious here because I say this to empower women, not to put them in fear. Because I think once again, with perfectionism, it's like there's a lot of mothers that are like, ⁓ my God, I have to be perfect. I have to be the best mother. You know, if I'm not regulated all the time, I'm going to ruin their lives. they think back to, you know, I want to make sure that I don't have the relationship. I have my mother with my children, depending on the context or, know, I want to do better and be better. MaKenzie: Mm-hmm. Ravelle Laurette: And so I say this not to cause fear of like, ⁓ my God, I'm going to mess things up, but more to be like a woman who is resource, who feels safe, who prioritizes her pleasure without shaming herself, without judging yourself is literally breeding a new wave of humans who know how to emotionally regulate and also not judge themselves and shame themselves where it's never good enough and they're never worthy enough and they can never rest. And so What I think is so beautiful about psycho-breaking is helping women expand their capacity to hold their joy, to hold support in their system. And that could be a journey in and of itself. Some women don't know how to hold joy without it leading to pain or judgment or guilt or shame. So that in and of itself, we want to slowly expand that capacity in a way that the woman doesn't go into overwhelm or shutdown. And I'm sure you can think to that as well. But I see that as so important because it can be triggering to tell a woman, ⁓ just go enjoy yourself and have the afternoon off. It's like, they actually have to build the capacity to even get there, but you can get there. MaKenzie: You can't get there. And I'm a walking billboard of that. feel like when my husband is like such the, I don't know, just looks at life usually with like glass half full and like he would always like be like, like, why can't you just be happy? Like, what are you chasing? I remember him like asking me this, like whenever I was in my dark days. ⁓ And like, I really, I really couldn't feel joy. I really couldn't feel happiness. couldn't even, I didn't even know where to find it. Like it was, it is so real that like, you know, it is not an anomaly. Like I felt like I was alone and now that I'm, you know, kind of in the messy middle, I feel like still a little bit, I feel like we're always in the messy middle in this journey. ⁓ It's just like, now I want every mom to be enlightened about this because I'm like, Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. Good. MaKenzie: Like life doesn't have to be hard. Like we've been so conditioned to like hustle and rush and like, you know what I mean? Not take care of ourselves, like buy our kids all the, you know, best clothing, but then we're wearing, you know, 10 year old grandma panties or, know, from college or something like that. And I wasn't wearing grandma panties in college actually, now that I say that, but probably a little bit more scandalous. I feel like now I'm in granny panties, but. ⁓ Ravelle Laurette: Ha ha. Nothing wrong with that if you did. MaKenzie: You know what I mean? Just like not taking the time to actually buy ourselves things or do things that are finding enjoyment. So I'm just so glad that we're talking about this and just to let people know there is another side of motherhood and just life in general too. ⁓ So much of mainstream healing culture, we kind of touched a little bit on this, it is built on ⁓ breakthroughs and like. Ravelle Laurette: Yes, yes. again. Okay. MaKenzie: Constant transformation and your work like intentionally moves in the opposite direction So, you know, you're really teaching like a real integration and it is slow. It is co-creative too, which is something that I've That's been really hard for me ⁓ And rooted in, know understanding your your body intelligence so for the mom who is you know exhausted and from you know, trying to fix ourselves through, know constant diets or you know, constant, I don't know, like, you know, trying to fix their kids like, because of like tantrums or, you know, school difficulties. ⁓ You know, what does it actually look like to shift from chasing transformation to actually building a sustainable like capacity? Ravelle Laurette: Yes. So 100 % there are, and I know I've talked about this even a few minutes ago, there are so many women who have been working on themselves for years and they've read a ton of books. listened to the podcast. They've, you know, once again, they've done somatic practices, they EFT tap and they do all the management strategies and it's like, ⁓ this doesn't, why isn't this working? And the biggest issue is that for these women, there is a lot of internalizing that is tied to their identity. And once again, this goes back to I should be further along than where I am now. I've been doing years of healing. I've been working on myself. Why do I still feel this way? And so there's this guilt and shame of, well, I did X, Y, Z. Why don't I feel like X? And so, which is a very valid, very valid thing to question. And so once again, you you said healing being maybe a word you don't like to use anymore. I 100 % agree. You know, I want to get away from the word healing because you are already whole exactly as you are. You are already whole exactly as you are. And I know that can maybe be hard for some women to hear. I mean, I know for me, it was hard to hear that because it's so you don't understand. have X, Z, Z, Z, Z, ⁓ you know, with that is one, had to reframe my relationship to my nervous system, my body. And the biggest thing was learning for me, I had to learn about the nervous system. I had to learn about my organism as a being, not identifying with this meat soup that I'm in. You know, it's a part of me, but it is not my identity, but learning that my nervous system is always working for me. It is asking me to listen. So case in point. you know, for me, you know, I used to pick at my skin a lot. Like I, you know, had this like nervous habit picking and I used to be so judgmental towards myself about it. It's like, am doing this? Stop this like this bad habit, blah, blah, blah. But really my body is intelligently trying to manage stress that was coming up. It was regulating me. And so it was me reframing of, wow, thank you for sharing that with me. Now, how can I attune to what actually deeper is happening? Cause that was a management strategy. So there's something deeper happening inside of me that was causing that to come up. Cause clearly something in my body was like, I'm not safe. I'm not safe. You know, stillness, would come up when I would still anytime I was still it would happen. Cause my body felt safer moving. And so this once again is learning that I have certain things that I do. one, one part of it is unpacking the shame and realizing that your body's always telling you the truth. MaKenzie: and Ravelle Laurette: and attuning to that and following the bread crumbs. And like I said, there's many different entry points to do that. And the other piece is realizing that, you know, quote unquote healing happens in every minute of every day. It doesn't happen in the one hour meditation class you go in. It doesn't happen in the retreat. go to yes, stuff happens there. Insight happens, expansion happens, but life is literally in the mundane moments of every single day. MaKenzie: not big celebration. Ravelle Laurette: And it's learning how can I expand my capacity to just be in my pleasure and enjoy my life 1 % more at a time and building up enough resourcing of like, ⁓ I actually feel good. And almost like doing less, honestly, doing less. ⁓ it helps so many people with healing is like, you don't have to go to another, you know, I mean, yes, do it if it brings you joy, but don't do it. If you're coming from it with the intention of let me fix myself. And so once again, that's a huge component of it. Sorry, doing interrupt you. MaKenzie: No, no, no, you're totally fine. I just am like loving everything that you're saying. I feel like so first off, want to say ⁓ human design tells you where your entry point is, ⁓ which is very interesting. I am also like an ⁓ inter visionary, but my son is a smell. My he's 18 months. So it's been very he's had a lot of like health ⁓ concerns like bad eczema ⁓ and realizing that is like correlation to Ravelle Laurette: Mmm. MaKenzie: it as well. ⁓ But or why he's so sensitive. There we go. That's where I was going with that. But last night, like my older two kids, they were super emotional. And I feel like the way that I've kind of like overcome like certain situations like that was like, literally saying out loud, like I have the best like in the mundane moments, like being like, I have the best husband, I have the best kids, I have the best house like I feel like people probably think I'm crazy because like I am constantly like saying things out loud like talking to myself just because like that's how I like reprogram my like self subconscious but I feel like yes I do not really love doing laundry yes I do not really love doing dishes but I've like kind of like ⁓ you know like the delulu ⁓ situ or yeah Ravelle Laurette: Yeah, the delulu is the salulu. MaKenzie: I've been kind of like being delusional, being like, I love dishes, I love laundry. And I feel like that's one thing that has helped me during, know, kind of get my body into that safety. But, you know, I will say that I just had like a huge breakthrough and I told my mom this morning whenever I dropped the kids off that, ⁓ you know, if women are, you know, a lot of them are dealing with like Hashimoto's, thyroid, you know, things like that. And like what I've realized is like, That is because of like high cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone. Hormone is, you know, means you have an imbalanced hormone if that's, you know, in correlation, which means that you have an imbalanced gut, which means that you have a dysregulated nervous system, which means that your body does not feel safe. Ravelle Laurette: Okay. Literally, it's all connected. All connected. MaKenzie: all connected. And it's taken me a very long time to get that connected. And I literally just told my mom that this morning. I'm like, this is just crazy how even my own journey, was three years ago, I started my business as a fitness coach and I was a gut health specialist. And people thought I was a crazy weirdo back then. And now I'm into nervous system. probably, you still think I'm a crazy weirdo, but like it is all like starting to come to, you know, a frame. And I'm like, this is real life. Ravelle Laurette: Yes, 100%. And I love what you did, like the reprogramming, because as humans, we have a negative bias. to look at things from our culture, from our families, and it's so easy for us to focus on the negative. And so there is a component of reprogramming towards the positive. And I even love what you said too about, you know, I love doing dishes, et cetera. It's honestly, it's posing the question of like, what if I actually enjoyed this? What if? And just like opening that doorway to like, how could I look at this or feel this differently and being open to the curiosity. of what would that feel like? Like what if I actually did like being cold instead of being hot or et cetera. What if I actually really liked having the time to myself to fold my laundry? These like five minutes a piece. So I love that. And 100 % everything is connected. Our mental effects are emotional, our emotional effects are physical, our physical effects, you know, it triggers things in the energetic. And once again, it's just flowing in and out of each other. And it's 100, It's tracing it to the roots. And I, it's funny cause I saw your post recently about losing weight. And it's just so true about this pressure we put on ourselves to, you know, once again, you're not good enough as you are body, you have to change. And it causes this unnecessary pressure where the body doesn't feel safe. And then that's what, you know, these diet fads never work and these forcing and restricting never works because the body doesn't feel free. MaKenzie: Yeah, no, I mean, that's why I, you know, when I was fitness coaching, like I saw women doing literally my protocols, like exactly to the tee and they were, you know, losing very minimal, you know, weight, if not, you know, sometimes any. And I realized that their body was just now, you know, three years later, that their body was just in such a constant fight or flight mode that it couldn't feel safe. So like I was just telling them to do a bunch of things without addressing the, like you said, the root cause. So. Ravelle Laurette: Yeah. MaKenzie: Wow, you are awesome and I just love everything that you're talking about. I feel like this topic like your mythology like I can't wait to do even more research on it. So we definitely want to find you and we want to support you because this is awesome work that you're doing. So tell us where we can find you and what resources you have available. Ravelle Laurette: Yeah, so, well, several resources. I would love to share with you an energetic hygiene meditation, a little over 20 minutes, but honestly, once you learn the tools, you can do it yourself in literally 30 seconds to a minute. And I challenge everyone, if you do get this meditation to do these tools every single day, you will notice a shift in your anxiety. It will go from like level 100 all the way down close to zero. So there's that piece. And then also I have a capacity, practice to help you kind of build your nervous system capacity to hold your success, to hold your safety, to hold your pleasure, to hold whatever you desire in life. So that's a practice I want to share with you as well. You know, I mostly work with people one-on-one and then do coaching around that. So kind of providing catered homework for them to kind of build these skills and tools themselves. And then I also teach classes and often if anyone happens to be located nearby. So they can find me on my website, so revelerette.com, Instagram, same revelerette, and then also thread, revelerette as well. MaKenzie: I will link all this in the show notes for you all as always. again, thank you, Ravel, for being here. You are amazing. And I can't wait to talk again soon. Ravelle Laurette: Same. All right. Great to meet you.