Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Erotic Blueprints: Kinky, Energetic, Sexual, Sensual And Shapeshifter

Transcript

Erotic Blueprints: Kinky, Energetic, Sexual, Sensual And Shapeshifter · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show. Today, we're going to talk about
• 0:10
  erotic blueprints. I did a little video about this.
• 0:12
  If you follow me on Facebook, and Tick-Tock, and all of those,
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  and I've talked about it before on a post.
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  But I figured I would talk about it more because it's super
• 0:21
  interesting and it's a good way to understand why you and your
• 0:25
  spouse may not be matching up in the bedroom and how to better
• 0:28
  understand each other. Before we get to that, you
• 0:30
  should subscribe. I have about 80 episodes now,
• 0:34
  back from Oral sex ones to the most.
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  Recent one was Acts of service and physical touch being
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  opposite, Love Languages which I think to a large extent they are
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  and I can also help make sense of your marriage as is, you
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  know, the point for most of the things that I talked about.
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  So anyhow what our erotic blueprints, I didn't make them
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  up. I think it's from some website,
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  like, Miss Jo or something. You can Google it.
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  I link to it. Originally, in my post about
• 1:00
  erotic blueprints, that's on dr. Psych mom, there are five
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  Blueprints, but the fifth one just means, like, I like
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  everything. It's a shapeshifter.
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  So, like, we don't have to talk about that one as much for our
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  purposes and they do a lot of a deep dive on this.
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  If you do the quiz, you should do the quiz with your spouse and
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  the quiz, there's like two versions of the quiz.
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  You could do the free quiz. Totally fine.
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  I did the free quiz. There's also some Seventeen
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  dollar quiz where they talk to you a lot more about what you
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  are. Cool.
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  Whatever. But just Big one of the quizzes
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  and you probably will know what you are from, just hearing me
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  talk on the podcast so you don't have to take the quiz if you
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  hate quizzes. So, anyway, their shape shifter
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  which we're not going to talk about as much until the end.
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  Then there is kinky, which should be obvious, that's kinky.
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  If you like BDSM if you like being a furry, if you like some,
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  you know, stuff that is non-normative.
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  That is a kink a fetish then this is what's exciting.
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  I'm to you about. Sex is engaging in your king and
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  if you can't engage in your king, then you may not like any
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  really part of sex. So if you, if, if you really are
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  like a sub submissive and you need that as part of every
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  encounter, then if your spouse is not dominant and they don't
• 2:23
  know that they have to be dominant, then you have never
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  enjoyed sex, you know. And maybe you thought that you
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  can't enjoy sex with kind of a normal person or maybe you
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  haven't even realized to what extent you have this Kink.
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  And that it's a Massive essential part of your
• 2:37
  sexuality, but either way, if you don't engage in your king,
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  you're probably not going to like sex as much or possibly at
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  all. Particularly, if you're really
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  into the Kink, right? And, of course, you can have
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  different types of these. Like, it's like love languages.
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  You could have a primary secondary Etc.
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  So, you know, you could be somebody who's kinky but also
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  other things but then you can be someone who's kinky alone.
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  And if you're like, literally kinky and that's the major part
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  of you, it's going to be hard for you to enjoy.
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  Joyce, vendela sex at all. Then there's energetic which is
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  a person that's more in the realm of the mind, that loves
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  anticipation. The moments before sex thinking
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  about it. They can be turned on.
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  It says by music, by all sorts of, you know, mental things.
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  And they are. I mean in anybody I've talked to
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  who's had, this is a highly sensitive person.
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  It's like for sure you cannot be an energetic love language.
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  I don't think I'd not be a highly sensitive.
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  Person. Because what it means is that
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  the basically, the big part of sex for you is not sex, it's in
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  the moments before surrounding all of the mental stuff, right?
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  If you don't know what it means, it's probably not you.
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  If you think that could be me, it's probably, maybe you.
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  Now, there's the two major ones that I think, I don't know any
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  statistics on this, but I would imagine these are the most
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  common ones because these are the ones that I see the.
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  Most, of course, people don't come in and say that they are
• 4:02
  these things because they don't know about it.
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  But you'll hear and you'll see. So sexual who gets just turned
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  on by sexual acts purely P, you know, penis and vagina
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  intercourse. Oral sex, genitals nudity, just
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  sex. Like they just like sex.
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  It would like to go to a sex party that sounds fun and then
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  sensual who likes, massage and touch and kissing and foreplay.
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  Now who do you think I see a lot of is sensual paired with sexual
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  and then there is a disconnect in terms.
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  Of what they like in terms of foreplay.
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  And in terms of understanding that, it doesn't just have to
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  get down to sex, right away. The women that I see that have a
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  sexual. What is it again?
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  Erotic, blueprint, the women that I see with a sexual erotic
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  blueprint that are paired with a man with a sensual erotic
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  blueprint, it's like they kind of don't really understand each
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  other because the woman thinks aren't men just supposed to like
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  to do it and the man things are in, I just supposed to Like to
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  do it, but somehow I don't somehow this seems like very
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  quick and not nice, not, not, not fun, not romantic not
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  sensual, really? And so it would be wrong to
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  think that women are more sensual and men are more sexual.
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  Men are often more shapeshifters, I'm sure.
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  So, that's the one where you like everything you like all of
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  these. You're a little bit kinky or
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  little energetic. You're a little bit sensual.
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  Little bit sexual, or you're a lot of all of them.
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  And so then you're a shape-shifter, a lot of guys are
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  like that because they have high testosterone, they have a high
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  sex drive. So everything seems good.
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  It's like if you're somebody who's very hungry, more food
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  looks good. If you're somebody who is who is
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  not very hungry, then you need something that's exactly what
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  you like in order to get going. So that's like the difference
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  between having a high innate biological sex drive, AKA being
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  a man and not, which is a woman in monogamy.
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  Women's testosterone levels are much, much lower than that of
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  men. In the beginning stages of the
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  honeymoon, stage, they have adrenaline and all their other
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  hormones and everything is is coalescing, into making them
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  feel that they have a very, very high sex drive, which biology
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  Evolution does in order to make them want to mate with a new
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  partner. As I've discussed Ad nauseam in
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  Prior podcasts, but men continue to have the high level of
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  testosterone. Even through monogamy, always
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  until it attenuates somewhat as their older.
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  So, They are more down with anything than women are.
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  It's just makes sense. So, what do you do when you have
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  different erotic blueprints? Well, the first one is trying to
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  understand one another, you can't really understand one
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  another, if you've never talked about these things.
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  So, the erotic blueprint quiz is a really good conversation
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  starter. When you take the quiz and you
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  talk about what you like, then it can open up this whole world
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  where you're like. Wow, like you don't even think
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  it's sexy to To just have sex like, how I do, you know,
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  because whatever your love language is, you kind of assume
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  that everybody's a little bit like that kind of.
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  And I'm talking about Love Languages, because it's really a
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  parallel to erotic blueprint. So if you have an out like a
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  physical touch love language, you just kind of assumed that
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  everybody likes that more or less, but like that, they all
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  kind of know that, of course, you would need physical touch to
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  feel loved like, of course, default because that's your love
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  language. So it's not true but this is I'm
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  with erotic blueprint. So if you're somebody who's
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  sexual, then you're going to say.
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  But for everybody, it's pretty much the main event is the
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  exciting part, right? I mean, like yeah, you could
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  have like a massage first. That's cool.
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  I guess or like a shower together or like, whatever, you
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  know, the light dim. But that's just bells and
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  whistles. Everybody actually just likes
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  the sex part the most right, of course, but that isn't, of
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  course, so a woman with a sensual love language is like
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  more of the I'm that I talk about my very first podcast
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  about 10 ways to make your highly sensitive woman wife
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  wants sex a lot more because I see more women with a sensual
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  erotic blueprint because I see a lot of more highly sensitive
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  people. So either they have energetic
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  which is more rare or sensual if you're highly sensitive person
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  is probably one of those too, you know, it could be sexual but
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  it could be kinky, certainly could be kinky actually, but it
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  mostly what I see in. Highly sensitive, people are
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  sensual and energetic. And so, for some of you, the
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  sensual love erotic blueprint. So I have one like that's a
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  pretty common one with female, highly sensitive people, so it
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  wouldn't be exciting to me or for anybody wired.
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  Like, me to just have a quickie that's like, not exciting.
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  So, I could understand how it could be exciting under some
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  circumstances. I can understand how it's
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  exciting in the honeymoon phase because he'll what isn't right?
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  But as a regular sort of Thing, it wouldn't be excited.
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  And since most people I see, are partnered with at least one
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  person who doesn't find it exciting because quite honestly,
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  I believe that the people who have similar erotic blueprints
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  don't come into couples counseling, they're fine, you
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  know, they're just highly compatible people.
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  They don't have any sex issues to talk about with me because if
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  your sexual and your partner's sexual, you're good to go the
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  same for any of them, right? You could have other issues but
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  we wouldn't be talking about sex in therapy because maybe you
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  don't have as many issues there. So, the majority of people that
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  I see are people who are incompatible in terms of their
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  erotic blueprint and particularly women that are
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  like, but he must not love me. Like, he must not even enjoy sex
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  or anything if he just wants to do.
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  For example, this fetish, you know, because I think of this as
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  long making out looking into each other's eyes and and isn't
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  that what everybody kind of thinks?
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  Like he must not even love me. He just kind of wants to get
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  off. No, he loves you but he just has
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  a kinky blueprint. That's just how he is.
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  Is that is sex to him the Siemens to somebody with the
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  sensual love language. Like you can't really picture
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  having sex without kissing, you know, like that seems crazy.
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  And so for many years, when I was earlier in my practice, I
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  didn't really know that people didn't do that, that many people
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  don't kiss, very much after marriage, you know, or as the
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  honeymoon stage attenuates as the sex stuff wears down, many
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  people don't kiss to somebody with a sensual blueprint that
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  seems like really crazy. It's like saying like people
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  stop saying hello or like stop. I don't know, like smiling at
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  each other or something, you know, it just seems like
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  something that you would do as a default.
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  Like if you are married, you would be kissing.
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  That's how it seems to somebody with sensual blueprint, but to
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  somebody who has a different blueprint, it has nothing to do
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  with that. They don't like kissing.
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  They don't like that sensual part.
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  They don't like too much sensory stuff at all, if they do like
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  sex, they wanted to get to the main event.
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  They can usually Kasim pretty fast and they're good to go, you
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  know, and that is a totally valid blueprint.
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  But the problem comes when your mismatched with your partner,
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  when you're mismatch with your partner, you can't like change
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  your blueprint although men because they have more
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  testosterone can get more into other shit.
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  So I've seen men that are just pretty vanilla and if the wife
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  brings up some sort of fantasy that she has, they'll get into
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  it. Why the fuck not seems good,
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  it's exo-k. Got seen women who are really
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  into BDSM and finally, To a male partner and he's like, oh, all
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  right, well then I guess we will do that, you know, anything that
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  turns you on and he could get into it because why the fuck
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  not? It's just like anything.
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  She really loved reading. You could really get into kind
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  of any genre of fiction. So if you really like sex, you
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  could get into any genre of sex, that's why men are more often
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  shapeshifters. What I've seen the most trouble
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  with our two things. A when one is kinky and the
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  other one is repulsed by the king.
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  Obviously, this would not go well and that is usually Lee
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  kind of a non-starter, a bad situation where sex just kind of
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  goes away over time. And also the one where one is
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  sensual and the other one is sexual and they are kind of
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  conflating this with love. So it's gotten to be this huge,
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  empathic rupture, where one, the guy, let's just call the guy
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  because I see loads of guys that want to be kissed and touched
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  and all of this, and the wife doesn't understand.
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  So if the guy always wants his kissing and hugging and loving
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  and the woman, Just want to get down to business after a while.
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  The guy feels extremely rejected and just hates, you know, the
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  encounter pretty much, you know, it's a misnomer that all sex is
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  good sex. You know, if yes men have higher
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  sex drives and women but especially if it's very short
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  and counter, they start to get pretty resentful like, what the
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  fuck, like, we waited weeks and weeks.
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  And now we just had this 3 minutes of intercourse when I
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  want this whole sensual experience.
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  And I see that with some women too.
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  But usually again, because men, Have a higher sex drive, they
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  can roll with anything. The woman's really into the, the
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  disconnect comes because the sensual blueprint man, does not
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  understand that the wife is really into sex like, because
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  frequently she's not. She's a sexual blueprint woman,
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  but she also has a decrease in libido over time.
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  So that is so it's like yeah, which he is turned on by is
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  intercourse, but she doesn't really even want to have that
• 13:30
  much intercourse. So he ends up having like three
• 13:32
  minute encounters every few weeks.
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  And that's not going to be sustainable.
• 13:37
  So anyway, it's an interesting thing for you guys to talk about
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  you and your partner, you can take the quiz and you could say,
• 13:43
  hey why don't you take this quiz and we could talk about it
• 13:46
  because I can't make you guys. Both have the same blueprint but
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  certainly, if you're working with a couple's counselor,
• 13:52
  specially there's going to be work around and there's going to
• 13:54
  be ways for you to understand one another more and build
• 13:57
  empathy, with one another because that is going to
• 14:01
  strengthen the relationship more than having the same.
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  Erotic blueprint and if you're single, yeah, you definitely
• 14:07
  should be looking for somebody with a similar erotic blueprint
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  if you like lots of foreplay and they don't, that's not going to
• 14:14
  get better over time, they're going to like, let's unless
• 14:16
  foreplay over time if you like to think about anticipation and
• 14:21
  flirting and sexy situations, because you're energetic and
• 14:24
  they just literally don't seem to understand what the fuck
• 14:27
  you're talking about. That's not going to get better
• 14:29
  over time. So if you are single, especially
• 14:32
  after divorce, try to find somebody has come Hannibal and
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  again, a lot of men are shapeshifters.
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  So, you know, then they're down for whatever.
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  But if you're like super into your Kink and you're going to
• 14:43
  remarry or even Mary for the first time, if you're listening,
• 14:47
  and you're totally, you know, single and younger marry
• 14:50
  somebody with your king. I mean, why not?
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  Like that's such a core part of who you are your marriage going
• 14:55
  to be so much better. If you both understand that,
• 14:57
  it's going to be a BDSM scene in bed, you know like that is
• 15:01
  something where, you know, you can't beat that, it's priceless.
• 15:04
  Alice to like have somebody who really understands you in the
• 15:07
  bedroom. All right.
• 15:09
  Hopefully, this was interesting and open your mind to a whole
• 15:11
  new type of quiz to take and I'll talk to you soon.