Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / PREGNANT? 😓 The emotional rollercoaster of wondering what we actually want? Pros and Cons , fears and the disappointment I didn’t expect to feel 😮‍💨🥺

Transcript

PREGNANT? 😓 The emotional rollercoaster of wondering what we actually want? Pros and Cons , fears and the disappointment I didn’t expect to feel 😮‍💨🥺 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to a Wednesday episode. Today, we
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: are talking about something that happened to me last month.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: The month before I haven't spoken about it much online,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: but I had a bit of a pregnancy scare and
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: it was such an emotional rollercoaster because in my head
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I was completely done having children. Of course, there's that
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: tiny bit in me that every now and again I'm like, oh,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: we'll three, be nice. Maybe I could. And then I
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: have a hard day with the kids, I'm like absolutely
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: not two is good? Or like when they're both upset
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: or emotional, going through something or fighting, see you, We'll
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: take one, I'll take the other. I'm like, imagine having three,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: you're fully outnumbered. Yeah, Like, no, two's good. I got
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: a girl and a boy. They're both healthy and happy.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I've been begging Steve to get the snip for so
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: long and he's like he's genuinely scared to get it done. Anyways,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I was two weeks late for my period, which is
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: very odd for me. I'm pretty regular, and I just
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: kept saying to Steve, Babe, my period's still not here.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: My periods still not here. And then one night we
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: were just sitting on the bed and he was like, oh,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: if you were pregnant, like, how would that make you feel?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Would it be a girl, would it be a boy?
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not sure. What would you want
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: in Taj? Would they with us? And Taj like I
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: want a brother. I was like, oh, I think I
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: want another boy. I don't know, I don't care. I
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: was like, I've already got the name. He's like, that's right,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: You've got your name. And the name that I was
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: going to call Tala is like a unisex name. So said,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: if we ever have a third that would be the name.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I love this name so much and I've never met
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: anyone with the name.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So we started to get excited and then I was like, oh, Taji,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: did you feel like if we had another one and
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: you would like feel left out, because I always thought
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: he would feel left out. You are And he was like, no,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: he's like I don't really want any more siblings, but
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I love the honesty. Yeah, He's like, I don't think
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: i'd feel left out. So he was all good. And
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: then I just saw Steve's face light up, like he
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: started to get excited about it, and I was like,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, maybe this would be really nice, like
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: maybe it's meant to be. And then the other half
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: of me was like, no, you don't want this, Like
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: you're really content, you're happy, you love your life, you're
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: proud of the way you show up. Was a mom,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I think three would like tip me over there. I
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: would just it'd be hard to be as patient and
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: have as much time and energy as what I want
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: to be able to give my kids. I feel like
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: three would really stretch me in a way that then
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I couldn't give them what I wanted to give them,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: you know. So I was just this massive emotional rollercoaster
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: and I was just taking the jay as it come,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: seeing if my period came. And then after the two
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: week mark and having these conversations, we all went out
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: to the loud room. I was like, no, I can't
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: wait me long. I'm gonna get a test, just like
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: ease my own mind. So I ordered it on uber
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like order me telling me. And then it arrived and
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: I called Steven to the bath him and I was like, look,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I just want to do this test. And he pulled
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: me onto his lap and he looked in the eyes
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: and grabbed my face and he was just like, babe,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: if this comes back as yes, we've got this, like
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: don't stress. I've got you, We've got each other. We'll
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: make it work. We love our kids. This is what
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: we live for. There are everything like this is what
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: it's all about. It's all about family. Nothing else matters.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: So if it does come back, like try not to
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: freak out, because I was starting to freak out. He's like,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: We've got this and we'll work it out. It's like okay,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: maybe just like take a breath. And we did the
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: test and I was just like sitting there anxiously waiting,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: like pacing up and down the bathroom, and then I
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: like filmed it just in case it was. Of course,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I did two, two different brands, so I flipped one
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: over for the other and we both like three two one,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: and we looked at it and it said not pregnant.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: And I thought I would be like, yes, so relieved,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: like oh, right off my shoulders, I have to worry
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: about it anymore. And I felt sad. It was so strange,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: and Steve's almost like his shoulders dropped, like he was
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: almost like, ah, okay, I could see this like sadness
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: in him. He's like it was like fun to talk
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: about and explore and we would make it work and
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: we're a great team now. So yeah, it's really really
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: strange to have all these emotions like coexisting around me.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: And then right before we did the test, I felt
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: anger come up that Steve hadn't got the phasectomy done
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: because I was like, if we are pregnant and I
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: don't want to be pregnant and I don't want a
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: third child, you're putting me in a position where I
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: have to choose what I do with this, and I
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: don't think I could go through with a termination. Yes, yeah,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I just don't think I could at this age, having
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: my two kids there. I just don't think I could. Now,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I just said to my I'm feeling really annoyed that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: you haven't gone and got this done and goes, yeah,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I can understand why. Now he's like watching you go
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: through these emotions and I'm going through this like I
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: can't get it now. Yeahs before it was like, you know,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: we've never accidentally fallen pregnant, and our whole seventeen years
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: being together, the only two times we've gotten pregnant is
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: when we've tried. Yeah, so he's kind of just been
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: a bit nigh to think it wouldn't happen to us.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: So that came up for me and I was like
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: trying to process those emotions and then yeah, when it
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: was no, I was like disappointed and sad and relieved.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: And then he was like, do you want me to
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: book the snip in? I was like, yes, yeah, absolutely,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I don't want us to go. I have to go
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: through this again, this emotional rollercoaster of questioning everything, whereas
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: take emotions out of it. When we're logical and when
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: we're like in a good place, we both are like,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: we're so happy with two. Yeah, that's our decision.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, we fantasize about it sometimes and talk about it
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: sometimes having a third. But if I'm being truly honest
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: with myself. I'm really happy with two, and if we
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: were younger, I would absolutely go for a third. Yeah,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: but I'm turning thirty seven at the end of the
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: year and I'm still fine to have another baby. But
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Steve's turning forty six. Yeah, he's getting up there. He's
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: getting up there. I'm like, you nearly fifty, baby, the
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: sperm agats lower. Well, we've got sperm frozen. So that's fine.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I'm good.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: But it's not the point. It's just like we want
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: to travel with our kids, and ste wants to be
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: around for his kids. We both did grow up with
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: like our dads, Like I want to be around for
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: my kids, for their weddings and for their big moments,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: you know. So he's booked in Dune twelfth.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, eleven forty that's certain love.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I said from the other day. I was like, do
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: we come with you? He's like, oh, yes, no, I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: think so, I was like, do you want support? It's like,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I just don't want to be a big deal. It's
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: like get it done, get back to work, Like yes,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: So I just want to get it done. I'm scared.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I'm just like yeah. So he's booked in He's going
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: to get it done and that's that.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Well, Yeah, I feel like that would have been really hard,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: like going through that wave of emotion, especially when you
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: did feel so certain about not wanting more children, and
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: then having the opportunity arise where it presents itself of
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: like this could actually be a possibility. And I can
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: see why that anger would have come up as well
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: around being angry that it hadn't already booked it, because
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: it does. It puts you in a position where you
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: have to make a really big decision around whether you're
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: going to one have another child or get a termination,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: and both ways come with pros and cons.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so much so. And it's just so
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: much on the woman's body. Like if I was a dad,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I would want ten Yeah, Like are you kidding me?
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: These little mini he's running around. Yeah. And don't get
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: me wrong, I'm so grateful that I could carry my
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: children and breastfeed and I would not change out for
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: the world. And I'm so grateful to be a woman
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: that I get to experience all of that. But like,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: it's so much on your body. It's trying to get pregnant,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: it's all the hormones. It's the pregnancy, even through pregnancy,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: like I barely could sleep from the restless leg syndrome,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: all the symptoms women get, the sickness, it's giving birth,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: it's breastfeeding, it's repairing internally and externally. Then going through
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the process of like finding yourself again and getting back
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: in touch with your sexuality and your body changes and stretches,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: and there's just it's a lot because the man's life
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: kind of just like stays the same, you know, and
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: they support and they provide and he's such a great
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: team player and all that stuff, but it's still just
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: so different. Yeah, you know, so, Yeah, it was interesting.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: How is that moment for you, Like when you guys
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: had that moment where you flip the pregnancy tests over
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: and you notice all of those emotions come up. Can
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: you walk us through like the different phases and different
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: emotions that came up. Immediately after that.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: My heart was absolutely racing. I was sweating, it was
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: beating so fast. I was so anxious, but I couldn't
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: quite pinpoint what I really wanted in that moment. Part
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: of me wanted it to be positive, yeah, and then
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: part of me was like, oh my gosh, no, Like,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not ready for that. I don't want that. It
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: was just this emotional rollercoaster. But I don't want to
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: go through that again. Yeah, that was a lot. It
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: took up a lot of emotional capacity. Even every day
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: that I was late. Yeah, it was just consuming me
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: and I was just stressing about it and thinking about it.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, she takes up emotional bandwidth, doesn't it.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: It really does. So I'm relieved it's done. I'm relieved
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: he's getting a snap and we don't have to worry
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: about it. I'm content with my two kids. I'm so happy,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: so grateful, and I'm excited for our future with them.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: But I'm sure so many women experience this. Yeah, and
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: so many women want they meant to get the snip.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Book it in boys, I gh birth. We can give
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: birth and go through it. We go through you can
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: go get a snip.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: You're going to be so fun.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: And Steve was like that after, He's like, oh, this
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: compared to what you girls have to go through, Like,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I just need to go and get it done. And
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: he booked it the next day. That's good.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Do you think there's ever a possibility of maybe you
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: wanting kids, even after Steve gets a snip.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Possibly and we have sperm frozen. He froze it a
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: couple of years ago because he knew he was getting
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: older anyway, and he goes, I just wouldn't want to
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: get to older and my sperm shit. And then you
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: decide you want another kid, because he said to me,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I would always go with what you want to go
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: with if you decide you want another kid, if you
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: want five more kids, I will do whatever you want
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: to do. Yeah, I would fully support that and make
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: it work and we'll figure it out. So he did
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: freeze sperm for that reason. So if I ever wanted to,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I can, but I don't think I will. Really excited
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: that my kids are getting a bit older, even taler.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like, once I hit like four, traveling with
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: them so much fun. And they're just a little best
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: friend that understands so much. You're having conversations, just a
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: whole different era each age they get to and when
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: they get older. So I'm really excited for it. Yeah.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: So do you feel like one hundred and ten percent
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: like I don't want anymore?
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I feel eighty five percent. Yeah, Okay, they're pretty up there. Yeah,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: pretty certain. Yeah. I got big goals for the podcast,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: big goals for what we're doing, and lots of travel
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: plans we want to take the kids on. So that's
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: more yeah, yeah, way more yes for me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, otherwise you'd be standing on stage with the big
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: pregnant belly.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Actually, what do you think that you would do after, like,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: let's say you did Let's say that they're fifteen percent
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: of you potentially wanting more children. What do you think
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: your options would be? Like? What would you explore.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: If I think you can get that sperm put inside you? Yeah,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: around your ovulation. But I've also had a girlfriend recently
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: who her partner had a previous relationship and he got
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: the snip, and now they've gone on to have two kids.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: So there is a way that you can do it.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: I don't actually know, but I think they have to
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: go inside him and pull it out and then put
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: it into her. Oh wow, yeah, I'm going to butcher it,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna try and explain it. But they've
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: had two kids and he had the snip, so it
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: is reversible for the man. So if that came to it,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I could potentially do that, But I think I just
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: use the frozen stuff that's a bit younger, the frozen
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: frozen spen stuff that's so funny. I know that's good.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't think we'll go there. It's been
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Auntie to your kids. You will absolutely coming up. Oh
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: you can adopt. I could adopt, Yeah, one hundred percent, Steven.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I've always spoken about that, or you know, foster caring whatever,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: that could definitely be in our future. Who knows.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: I could so see that for you.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've always seen another boy. Maybe I've just always
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: wanted two boys. Then there's also this little boy that
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: lives in our street and he's at a house like
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: all day, every day and the holidays, every afternoon, every weekend.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: So maybe he's the.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Extra Boyd's the other one.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I'm open to anything. I never
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: know what's going to happen in the future, but for now,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: very content. Yeah.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Auntie Ashy, then Auntie.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Ashy, when you get a man, you have your babies,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I'll be right there with you, helping you doing all
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: the things in the birthing.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Room, in the delivering room. Absolutely, we've already spoken about unity.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: The content I have got them all over it and
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: everything that you can. I know, you'll just be the
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: best person I had in there. Your future Man's like, ah,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: do I get a saying this? No, have seen those
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: videos where it's like the husband and then the best friend,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: but then the best friends with the wife, and then
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: husbands just like.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: To the side help. I think it's quite common. Actually,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I have been in the birth suite of a girlfriend
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and the partner like just freaked out. He didn't know
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: how to coach her. He didn't know what to do.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: He was like, oh my gosh, plustered. I'm an XPT.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I know how to coach, and I love supporting women.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I'm just like born for that. Yeah, that is my
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: jam if I was not doing this. Yeah, I would
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: love to be a birth support person or a birth photographer.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Wow, it's just so beautiful.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you've big on getting photos of that bedding experience.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, get it with Taj and the photos of me
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: and Steve and Tala are the most beautiful photos I've
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: ever had. Yeah, any woman, if you can get that,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: or if you can't even afford a phtographer, get your
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: friends in there. Yeah, get someone in there, just on
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: their phone and make them black and white, they'll be
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: beautiful and candid. They're not there to be perfect. Yes,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: it's your experience.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: It's there for the memories and the moments of the
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: hardship that you go through in that moment and soul
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: you have from your husband and.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: A lot of it's a big blur. Yeah, Like it's
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: crazy what you go through. Like I remember I had
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: so much gas with Tala. At one point they were
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: looking up a steep. I was so out of it. Yeah,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: they ended up taking it off me because I was like,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: she's had enough, she's done. I wasn't like pushing when
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: I was meant to push because I was like, it's
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: spacey love that stuff.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Did you have both natural burds?
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: With Tajo had an epidural, but it had worn off.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I remember the pain. I will never forget that pain.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: The ring of fire they call it. Oh, I've heard
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: of that before. My God, it was excruciating. I had
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: that with both, obviously, but I only had gas with Tala.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I really wanted to just try and just have more
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: trust in my body and regardless of the pain, just
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: know that I can get through it. And I did.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: The pushing for two hours was tough, but oh we
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: got there. Yeah, it's a burn like no other. Yeah,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: the ring of fire. I've heard of that before. Is
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: that like where you're like on the verge of tearing
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: or is that it's just when the baby is like
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: literally coming out. Yeah, okay, and the head comes out first, Yeah,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: and then the shoulders come out.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Oh Jesus Christ.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: It's a lot. But I'll be there to hold your hand.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah awesome. And you know what, if you need an
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: epidurol cool, you do what you gotta do for sure.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: There's no judgment around whatever anyone needs. I think depending
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: on where your nervous system's at too, Like if you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: are a really panicky, stressful person, getting an epi durol
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: is a great tool because if it helps keep you come,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: it keeps your baby calm, right. You know, it is
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: quite a big needle in your back though, Yeah I've
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: heard that, a big needle in your spine. But yeah,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: it was cool experience. I'm bit sadden. I get to
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: do that again, to be honest.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, watch everyone else.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I'll be watching your baby. If you're right there with you.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like, if you anything like what it was when
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: I got my Taddy removed. I'm good.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'll be that for tenfold. So so we actually
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: got told by a psychic that you're going to be
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: a boy mom. Ah, yes, that's right.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah she did say that, which is really cool. She
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: told me about a man that I was going to
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: meet and with that man was going to be like
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: obviously the father of my children, the person I would
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: be with. And yeah, she's like, you're going to be
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: a boy mom.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: And how many does she say? Two? Two boys? Yeah? Yeah,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: have you ever thought about how many kids you would
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: potentially want.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I've only logically thought about this. I'm like, okay, logically,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I would probably either want two or four. For some reason,
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: why do.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: People say this? This is such a common thing.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: It's such a strange thing. I feel almost bad that
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: the child might get left out and not have someone
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: to be with all the time.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, behind her, that's the way.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that's right, because obviously I haven't
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: had children, but yeah, for some reason, I'm just like
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: I would want them to be even numbers.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: For some reason, goes, if you have one more, mum,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you got to have one more after that. Yeah, it's
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: been an even number on mom four, Like good luck
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: my head. I'm like, that mean you have to get
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: a whole new car. Three you can still fit in
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: the same car.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: You got to get a minivan. I don't say you're
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: getting a minivan all over agon.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. Yeah, two boys. And you know
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: what when she said that, I thought about it. I
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I would love that. I would love
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: to have two boys. Even all of my friends, like
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: my best friends that I've had and along the years
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: and whoever, I just love their little boys, like I
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: love all of their children, but the little boys, like
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: the bond is just.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I've always like, obviously I have a daughter and I
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: love it a bit and we're so connected, like we
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: are person.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: She is down for her mummy.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: She loves her mummy. Oh my gosh, it's like, see
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: we love you. She's like, I love mummy, my mummy.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: She's so funny.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, I've always been drawn to little boys
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: like I'm just they're just so sweet. I love them.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Really gentle, sweet nature.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Hey yea, and I love footing now too, like the boy.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Sports footy one.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I am such a footing you are.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, hot one at that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Thanks, I don't know about that, but anyways, ago with that,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I just want to share that story because
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of other women would go through
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: that and the emotional rollercoaster, and also like there was
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: a little bit of I wouldn't say shame, but there
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: was those thoughts of what if I was to terminate,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: like what people think of me? And like, well I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: think of myself? Yeah, is that something I could go
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: through with? And there was that that was really tricky
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: to even like go there. I kind of wanted to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: avoid that conversation with myself. And then I also thought, oh, gosh,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I love being a mom. Shouldn't I want more children?
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Like should didn't? I like hate that word should yeah
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: with so much like pressure and feels negative and heavy.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, I should want more kids, right because
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I've got two. I love being a mum. Why I
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: don't want more? Yeah? And I'm like and then I
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: felt almost a little bit of shame of like, oh,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: you couldn't handle three. I truly believe I would struggle
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: with three.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, but other moms nail it. Those
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: internal like intrusive thoughts I had quite a bit of
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: that going out on and it was very noisy.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Do you think there's any pressure to like want to
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: want more because you've already got children?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I get comments in it all the time, yeah, like, oh,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: you love being a mom, why would you not have more? Yeah,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent. And then there's also the other layer
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: of I also love working. Yes, And this is a conversation.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I will stay loud and proud, like I love being
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: a mom, and I also love having a career, and
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I also love having hobbies, and I also love valuing
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: my friendships, and I also love date nights, and I
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: also love my alone time. Just because of my mum,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean I don't enjoy all those other things. Yeah,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: And I get so much hate for online. It's like, oh,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: if you're a mum, it's like you should just strip
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: everything else off about you and just be a musks
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: me a mum. But like, I don't want to I
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: want more. I think I want it all.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I want it all.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: I like that, hey can I want to eat it?
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: True to have that saying, And I hope other moms
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: listening this just gives you permission to it's okay for
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: you to want what you want and just fully own it.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: those intrusive internal thoughts and conversations with myself that felt uncomfortable.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: But I think it's more like society and old conditioning
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of what is right and wrong in someone else's book.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: But if I'm really grounded and I resent to myself,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I know what I want and I'm going
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: to stand by that. I'm going to honor that.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: I think that's a really beautiful conversation to kind of
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: bring forward to allow other women in a similar position
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: or maybe if they reach that position in the future
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: where they have a decision to make. Is being able
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: to sit with themselves first and foremost and drown out
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: all the other outside noise of pressure from other people
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: of what you should do. If you know in yourself,
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: then it either doesn't feel right, you're not ready, You're
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: not there yet, the circumstances don't allow for another child
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: to come into the world. Just listening to yourself.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: And it's even timing with it too, is at the
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: right time. Like I know, it took me a long
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: time to feel ready for Tala, and it took another
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: eleven months to even fall pregnant. And I think the universe,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: because I think the universe had my back and like
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: knowing the right time. Yeah, but it's not just have
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: a kid. If your relationship is rocky, if you don't
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: have the finances, if you're not in a good place mentally. Yeah,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I promised you. A baby is not going to fix that. Yeah,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: a baby is going to make it ten times more
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: stressful and hard. You think life's like tricky now when
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: you're looking after a baby and you're tired and a
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: hormonal and trying to keep yourself afloat, it's way harder
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: with a baby. So like, they're the things you really
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: got to think about and consider as well, because it's
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: not just you, your partner and your child as well.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And I just wanted to make sure when I had Tala,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I was in a really good spot emotionally, physically, feeling
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: really strong that my body had healed from the first one.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Obviously it was like six years later, so I felt
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: really good, our relationship was strong, finances were good, like
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: we were in a good position to have another baby. Yeah,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: And it's been beautiful because of that. It's a very
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: conscious decision.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, conscious, yeah, yeah. I think that's a really important
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: thing when bringing a child into the world.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: And accidents happened. Your friends that are like, no, yeah,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: we did not plan that. Well, so many didn't plan
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: the second or that either. You know, and it works out.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: You figure it out for sure, but I definitely yeah.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: If anyone thinks that it will solve problems.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: I don't think it does. No.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, that was my story.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: You're welcome, and we'll see you guys on Friday.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Bye, guys.