Latest / Heal Yourself Podcast / Episode 82: Why Your Self Care Routine Isn’t Changing You

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Episode 82: Why Your Self Care Routine Isn’t Changing You · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, before we dive into today's episode, we want to tell you about something we created just for you.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's called the beginning.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's a mini audio course, and that's exactly what it sounds like.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Not a finish line, not a transformation overnight, just a starting point.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing: you don't have a motivation problem.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: You have a nervous system problem.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what this course actually addresses.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: It walks you through awareness, emotions, nervous system regulation, boundaries, trust, the real foundations, the stuff that has to come first before anything else can stick.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's the 1% shift.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You go from a zero to a one.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And from a one, everything else becomes possible.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to be ready.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to have it together.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: You just need to be willing to take one small step back to yourself.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: The link is in the show notes.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Go check out the beginning.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: We're waiting for you.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, everyone.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Denise and I today are talking about rituals versus transformation.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like we have a lot of listeners that have rituals.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we have rituals.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but for many, those rituals are not leading to the transformation, as you said.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I'm just gonna, you know, chime in here because I was that person, right?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was journaling and meditating, and it was, but I was not transforming.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was just the meditation, I would get out of the meditation, and then I would just engage in the same thought patterns or in the same behavior or the same attitude that I did before getting into the meditation, or like let's say the journaling, right?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized, like, wait a minute, like what am I doing?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is exactly when someone like you know, for example, um, you know, they they go to church or they say the rosary, and then but then they go and they cuss everybody out on the road or they complain all day long, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where I got the idea of, and then I was like, wait a minute, like I'm really not transforming, and I'm gonna be very honest with you, Kira.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I had really stopped meditating for a good month because remember, I used to tell you I have this routine, I have to do my meditation, I have to do my journaling.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Then I realized like it was a ritual, and I was not really engaging in that transformation, and then once but I don't want to say like it was for it, it led me to thinking about the transformation and truly acting within that transformation.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is that making sense to you?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I'm just not making sense.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, and here's the thing like, rituals are not bad, right?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I do meditation every night, but that ritual for me is for the nervous system to calm me down at night, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a transformative process for me.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's more like, ooh, I just my body craves this, but that doesn't make me a better person.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't bring me on my healing journey.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: However, like a walk will do that for me.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: A walk is transformative because there's subconscious reprogramming that happens on that walk, right?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm having conversations with myself, I'm engaging with, oh, what are what are these thought patterns coming up?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're just sitting there and doing a meditation or doing journaling or all these things, right?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: EFT tapping, like those can be tools.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're looking at it as like, oh, I'm just checking the box, but nothing is changing in your inner world, it's just a ritual.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think you nailed that with the whole checking the box, right?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like, oh, I checked the box to kind of like you know, same thing how you and I talked about it, the church goers, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I checked the box, I went to church.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I checked a raging bitch to everyone else because I it's fine.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: I checked the box.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I went for my church a week.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I went and I I confessed, right?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I did that and I and I got and I took communion.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're talking about Catholicism because you and I are Catholics.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I cannot talk about any other religion because I really don't know and I don't want to offend anybody, but I can definitely talk of my own because I've seen it, right?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You see, go people confess, pray the rosary, and then you turn around and like, wait a minute, then you just like pray the rosary, like what happened there?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: So that got me thinking truly, and I love that you said that because I used to, because Jodhispanza's meditation, he would always say, Don't get up thinking and feeling the same way as when you sat down.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the times I'm like, wait a minute, and then I realized that yes, the walk does that for me, or sometimes just sitting in nature, like even if I have to walk, but let's say I'm at the park and just sitting and looking at the trees or going to the beach, just like sitting in that stillness does that for me, and and I think it's a lot of transformation truly is just changing that thought pattern, that thought loop, and meditation can lead to that, but meditation will not do it for you, like you gotta really do it moment by moment, and that's why we created our course, by the way.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's gonna lead into it that that one percent shift with the thoughts.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and meditation also, I love meditation, but you can live in a meditative state, right?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like one of my mentors said that and said, I don't need to meditate because my life is one big meditation, meaning walking around in silence, clearing those thoughts, like not silence around you, but silence in the inner world.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think any of those things can be helpful if it's bringing you to that state.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And also, it's like Denise and I say, for everything, you have to find what works for you.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Some people swear by journaling, and it's hugely transformative.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: I hate journaling, like I really hate journaling.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: I've tried so many times, I'm like, that's not my tool, and that's okay.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: But it might work for someone else.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you've got to play around with okay, what are some of these tools or rituals I can incorporate and sprinkle in my life?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But is this bringing me to transformation, or is it becoming that checkbox again of I I did these things, I'm healed.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, no, it doesn't work that way.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or I went to all the classes and stuff like that, or I opened a meditation center and all of a sudden I'm healed.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I just feel it, you're right.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is the moment by moment, the and I love what what you said that like that your life can be a meditative state with with your actions and your identity shifts.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel this is way more important, and that leads to transformation.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and of course, the tools are amazing, it's just like don't leave them in the toolbox, yeah.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right, let them lead to you know, setting up the dresser or the bed or or whatever, instead of just leaving them there doing nothing.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because you've your transformation comes back to you and implementing all of these tools and taking all of these little baby steps, and you're not gonna get there by just you know twiddling your thumbs or saying, okay, Denise and Kira told me to do meditation and journaling.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's not it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel that um there is a big misconception with that too, and it's all and also in the spiritual world, right?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like of the retreats and all that, like, which is great, yes.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but you don't need it all, you don't, and some people you don't, you should you truly don't, you truly don't.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to go to a ten thousand dollar retreat in Bali.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: You you really don't.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds nice.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, of course it's great, yes, absolutely.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, if this is something that you know it's on your oh bucket list.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I thought I'm on do not disturb.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I'm not on do not disturb.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: I can't hear you.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Can you hear me now?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I mean I we don't hear anything on oh you didn't hear the the my phone ringing.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oopsies, anyway, ignore that.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like if if it is on your bucket list to go to a retreat, absolutely, but don't rely on that retreat or on that book.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember one of our mentors, you know, he would say, I mean, you can read all the books in the world, but if you're not implementing what those books are telling you, they're just and that's what I meant by it's you, right?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the tool that provides the transformation.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, tool can become a ritual, but it's you, it ultimately is you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing with these things?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you becoming in order to get the change that you're after, whatever that, you know, inner peace, happiness, whatever it might be.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's always been you.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel that we, and we've talked about it before, I feel that we give our power away to these tools or to whatever you name it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh in but you know, because the the work is not easy.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, interrupting the thought patterns, reprogramming your conditioning, your subconscious, it's not it's simple, but it's not easy.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and it's it's difficult to look within, like let's just face it.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that's so that's why sometimes you know, and I'm gonna speak to myself, that's why I've relied a lot on the tools.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: But the tools just remain tools until I actually started implementing them and truly implementing them, and I feel truly implementing them just happened the past six months, yeah, truly, and I've been meditating and journaling and and praying and you name it for years, yeah.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: But didn't just click until I think just the past six months where I looked at myself and like I've been doing all these things and nothing inside me is changing.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still getting the wake up with anxiety, I'm still the da-da.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realize that's not the tools, it's me actually doing the work.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it, I mean, we've always said don't outsource your power, and so this is just a reiteration of that, but you can't, you can't outsource your healing, your power, any of it.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna come from you, and that comes from looking in the mirror, that comes from digging into shadows, it comes from looking at patterns in your life, and oh, this person tells me that I do XYZ, and instead of getting defensive, let me look in the mirror, let me look within.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: What is this showing me?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: What lessons can I learn?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so much that goes into this, but it's baby steps, it goes back to that 1%, just 1%, just look in the mirror for one thing, and you're gonna start getting some transformation.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just rely on the tools.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and when you said the mirror, I don't know where I saw it, either I read it, I saw it in a video, but the person was explaining like if you're looking in the mirror and then you like you look and you see like um something on your nose, right?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like let's say foundation, right?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: How do you fix that?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just wipe the mirror to fix it, you gotta, you know, wipe it off your nose, right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you look in the mirror and see what you can fix.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because no, you don't just wipe the mirror, you wipe inside, wipe inside, take that, take that spray.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: But no, it and that's where it goes back to within again.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: You've gotta look within.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we're not telling you not to use some of those rituals, right?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm all for implementing some of those rituals, but look at how they're serving you and if they're serving you.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And if you get to the point where it's like, well, I'm doing all these things, but I don't feel any different.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not happier, I'm not less anxious, I don't have more inner peace.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still yelling at people, I'm still reacting.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's a clue, right?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying, you know, walking around in a meditative state, like nobody walks around like just completely zen.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: That is not what my mentor meant, but it's more of like, are you able to clear your thoughts?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what meditation is is able to clear your thoughts.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Can you calm the monkey mind?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's where you want to get to.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: You're still gonna react to your human.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's normal.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're still gonna have emotions come up.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Great, we want to have that, but you want to see those shifts of like, okay, in the past I would have reacted and I would have gotten super angry and walked out and gone on a drive and come back three hours later, and now it takes me five minutes to reset.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we're talking about, yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And just you know, not getting triggered by anything and everything, and then realizing, like, wait a minute, why this is not important.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I feel that yes, utilize the tools to get you there.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what is your favorite tool, walking, being in nature, yeah, because that for me is what really brings like the silence.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can calm my mind when I'm moving.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Meditation I love, but like I said, for me, meditation is more of closing up the evening, right?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's calming things down.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, okay, I've been go, go, go all day.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is a chance for me to lay down, relax, close my eyes, listening.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I listen, like it's a guided meditation, but that's truly just a ritual.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's not transformation, it's just am I ready for bed?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I love walking too.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, walking has been, and then it's kind of I'm very intentional with it too, especially when I'm working from home or even when I um I'm at the school, like I notice sometimes when I start getting too agitated or impatient, because I I mean I work with kids and I work with teenagers, and I just go and um just walk either.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So at the school, I walk around the school a few times, or at home I just make sure that like maybe after an hour, an hour and a half, I'm taking at least like a few walk.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, like a few, you know, rounds or I go to the park.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: But um, I just really, really love walking, like and I can just walk.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Although I, you know what, this just dawned on me too.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Art.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it right now.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: All of my art supplies are packed up.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: But when I have the time and I'm making the effort, doing some type of art, whether it's drawing, painting, coloring, neurographic style, like doesn't matter, but that also quiets my mind.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, coloring for me, because I'm like, I don't, I mean, I like painting, it's just sometimes like, but I love coloring and I have those um, you know, the healing coloring books.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what do you call them?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: With the I don't know.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's a million like adult coloring books at this point.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's an adult coloring book, and I just love it.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care like if these colors match or whatever, because at the end of the day, like after I finished the whole picture, I'm like, oh my gosh, it turned out so nice because I didn't think about the colors matching, and I'm like, I don't care.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: It would be like a picture of a tiger, and I'm coloring it purple or yellow or whatever.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then, but then when you look at it at the end, it would it's just so cool.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it just kind of like fits in all together.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um what else?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I think walking for me is huge, and you know what I really love right now.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've been loving is driving.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Driving driving in California, you love, huh?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, no, because no, no, driving from one client to another, because I don't have a clinic, so I'm a mobile SLP, so I go to the people's homes and I always leave like a 30 minutes in between, even though the distance is not 30 minutes, but you never know, like you're running a little bit later, whatever.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: So between clients, I just love like going from one house to another, and then sometimes I get there like about 15 minutes early or 10 minutes early, and I just sit in the car, and so I think that is bringing me some zen time between clients, and I've been that's why I've been kind of like, wait a minute, do I really I don't think I want to open a clinic?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I really enjoy that because it's making you go out, you know, listening to the podcast, like I take like I listen to podcasts, like I take the time to do that.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's what that's all we have for you is just find the tool.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just find one tool that works for you.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I I think I just want to kind of get inspired by you when you said this week, you said that you took a break of social media.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of great things on social media.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I I understand that a lot of motivational speeches, a lot of like whatever, but sometimes this even gets too much.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: So just pick one thing that works for you, and it can be as simple as, like we said, a walk.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And just stick with that.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And because at the end of the day, it is all you, you are the one transforming.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: No one is coming to transform you.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, the book is not transforming you, the podcast is not transforming you, even the course.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: We created a course for you.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is not gonna transform you until you transform you when you apply.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we want to tell you.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just, and then we've learned that I mean, we're we're telling you what we have gone through, and especially me.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I was using those tools, I think, as crutches, as excuses.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, I'm doing the work, I'm doing the work, but I really wasn't.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's what looking in the mirror is, right?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Is oh gosh, okay, you know, now it's time for me to take it up a notch.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't need to just be doing these rituals, I want true transformation.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Alrighty.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have anything else to end before we do our quick four-four-fours?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think we've been sticking to the four four fours.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: All righty.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna do four four four because Kila has to go eat, and I have to go prep for my client.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, if you're driving, please do not close your eyes, but you can still do it.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can close your eyes, go ahead and do that and place your hand on your heart and then inhale for four, two, three, four, hold for four, three, two, one, and exhale for four, three, two, one, one more cycle, and we are going to say, I am exactly where I need to be.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am exactly where I need to be.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Inhaling for four, two, three, four, holding for four, three, two, one, and exhaling for four, three, two, one.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: See you on the next episode.