Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 321: Growing Up in Dysfunction: Healing Shame, Trauma & People Pleasing Guest Kara Lissy

Transcript

E 321: Growing Up in Dysfunction: Healing Shame, Trauma & People Pleasing Guest Kara Lissy · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  good
• 0:48
  morning,
• 0:48
  everybody.
• 0:48
  Welcome
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:52
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  Kara
• 0:53
  Lissy,
• 0:53
  and
• 0:54
  I
• 0:54
  am
• 0:54
  super
• 0:54
  excited
• 0:55
  to
• 0:55
  talk
• 0:55
  to
• 0:55
  her
• 0:56
  because
• 0:56
  I
• 0:57
  feel
• 0:57
  like
• 0:57
  we
• 0:57
  have
• 0:57
  so
• 0:57
  much
• 0:58
  in
• 0:58
  common.
• 0:58
  We
• 0:58
  just
• 0:58
  spoke
• 0:59
  for
• 0:59
  a
• 0:59
  few
• 0:59
  minutes,
• 0:59
  but
• 1:00
  I
• 1:00
  know
• 1:00
  what
• 1:00
  she
• 1:01
  does
• 1:01
  for
• 1:01
  a
• 1:01
  living.
• 1:02
  She
• 1:02
  is
• 1:02
  an
• 1:02
  ACOA
• 1:03
  therapist.
• 1:04
  So
• 1:05
  for
• 1:05
  those
• 1:05
  of
• 1:05
  you
• 1:05
  that
• 1:06
  don't
• 1:06
  know
• 1:06
  what
• 1:06
  that
• 1:06
  is,
• 1:07
  which
• 1:08
  I
• 1:08
  don't
• 1:08
  know
• 1:08
  if
• 1:08
  there's
• 1:08
  anybody
• 1:09
  listening
• 1:09
  to
• 1:09
  this
• 1:09
  that
• 1:10
  does
• 1:10
  not
• 1:10
  know
• 1:10
  what
• 1:10
  adult
• 1:11
  children
• 1:11
  of
• 1:11
  alcoholics
• 1:13
  is.
• 1:13
  And
• 1:13
  now,
• 1:14
  as,
• 1:14
  again,
• 1:15
  I've
• 1:15
  mentioned
• 1:15
  in
• 1:15
  a
• 1:15
  lot
• 1:16
  of
• 1:16
  my
• 1:16
  podcasts
• 1:16
  that
• 1:17
  they've
• 1:17
  actually
• 1:17
  kind
• 1:17
  of
• 1:18
  broadened
• 1:18
  that
• 1:18
  term
• 1:18
  to
• 1:19
  adult
• 1:19
  children
• 1:19
  of
• 1:19
  alcoholics
• 1:20
  and
• 1:20
  dysfunctional
• 1:21
  families,
• 1:22
  because
• 1:22
  as
• 1:22
  we
• 1:23
  all
• 1:23
  know,
• 1:23
  dysfunction
• 1:24
  is
• 1:24
  dysfunction,
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  it
• 1:27
  doesn't
• 1:27
  necessarily
• 1:28
  to
• 1:28
  be
• 1:28
  alcoholism
• 1:29
  that
• 1:31
  brings
• 1:31
  you
• 1:32
  into
• 1:32
  this
• 1:32
  world
• 1:32
  with
• 1:33
  these
• 1:33
  questions
• 1:34
  and
• 1:34
  problems
• 1:34
  and
• 1:36
  just
• 1:37
  patterns.
• 1:38
  It
• 1:38
  can
• 1:38
  be
• 1:38
  any
• 1:39
  kind
• 1:39
  of
• 1:39
  dysfunction.
• 1:40
  So
• 1:40
  it
• 1:41
  kind
• 1:41
  of
• 1:41
  encompasses
• 1:42
  all
• 1:42
  of
• 1:42
  it.
• 1:42
  But
• 1:42
  I
• 1:42
  love
• 1:42
  that
• 1:43
  I
• 1:43
  have
• 1:43
  Kara
• 1:43
  here
• 1:44
  today
• 1:44
  because
• 1:45
  my
• 1:45
  experience
• 1:46
  with
• 1:46
  two
• 1:46
  alcoholic
• 1:47
  parents
• 1:48
  is
• 1:48
  probably
• 1:49
  very
• 1:49
  similar
• 1:49
  to
• 1:49
  her
• 1:50
  experience,
• 1:50
  I'm
• 1:50
  sure.
• 1:51
  So
• 1:51
  welcome,
• 1:52
  Kara.
• 1:53
  Thank
• 1:53
  you
• 1:53
  so
• 1:53
  much
• 1:54
  for
• 1:54
  having
• 1:54
  me.
• 1:54
  I,
• 1:54
  as
• 1:55
  a
• 1:55
  therapist
• 1:55
  and
• 1:56
  just
• 1:56
  like
• 1:56
  a
• 1:56
  consumer
• 1:57
  of
• 1:57
  podcasts,
• 1:58
  this
• 1:58
  is
• 1:58
  really
• 1:58
  exciting
• 1:59
  because
• 1:59
  I
• 1:59
  feel
• 1:59
  like
• 2:00
  when
• 2:00
  I
• 2:00
  listen
• 2:01
  to
• 2:01
  podcasts,
• 2:01
  this
• 2:01
  is
• 2:02
  sometimes
• 2:02
  a
• 2:02
  topic,
• 2:03
  like
• 2:03
  people
• 2:03
  will
• 2:03
  touch
• 2:04
  on
• 2:04
  it,
• 2:04
  whether
• 2:04
  it's
• 2:05
  a
• 2:05
  therapist
• 2:06
  or
• 2:06
  a
• 2:06
  celebrity,
• 2:06
  but
• 2:06
  to
• 2:07
  have
• 2:07
  a
• 2:07
  whole
• 2:07
  podcast
• 2:08
  dedicated
• 2:09
  to
• 2:09
  it,
• 2:09
  like
• 2:09
  a
• 2:09
  special
• 2:09
  space
• 2:10
  for
• 2:10
  us
• 2:10
  is
• 2:11
  really,
• 2:11
  really
• 2:12
  something.
• 2:12
  So
• 2:13
  thank
• 2:13
  you
• 2:13
  for
• 2:13
  what
• 2:14
  you
• 2:14
  do.
• 2:14
  This
• 2:14
  is
• 2:14
  great.
• 2:15
  Oh,
• 2:15
  well,
• 2:16
  thank
• 2:16
  you.
• 2:16
  And
• 2:16
  I
• 2:17
  like
• 2:17
  knowing
• 2:18
  that
• 2:18
  there's
• 2:19
  people
• 2:19
  out
• 2:19
  there
• 2:19
  that
• 2:20
  are
• 2:20
  willing
• 2:20
  to
• 2:20
  talk
• 2:20
  about
• 2:21
  it,
• 2:21
  because
• 2:23
  much
• 2:23
  of
• 2:23
  it,
• 2:23
  you
• 2:23
  know,
• 2:23
  and.
• 2:24
  And
• 2:24
  a
• 2:24
  lot
• 2:24
  of
• 2:24
  the
• 2:24
  people
• 2:25
  that
• 2:25
  I
• 2:25
  do
• 2:25
  have
• 2:25
  on
• 2:25
  my
• 2:25
  podcast
• 2:26
  are,
• 2:26
  you
• 2:26
  know,
• 2:27
  healers
• 2:27
  and
• 2:27
  therapists
• 2:28
  and
• 2:28
  doctors,
• 2:29
  and
• 2:29
  because
• 2:30
  they
• 2:30
  went
• 2:30
  through
• 2:30
  it,
• 2:30
  and
• 2:31
  they
• 2:31
  went
• 2:31
  through
• 2:31
  probably
• 2:32
  a
• 2:32
  whole
• 2:33
  process.
• 2:33
  Process
• 2:34
  to
• 2:35
  undo
• 2:36
  some
• 2:36
  of
• 2:36
  the
• 2:36
  stuff
• 2:37
  that
• 2:37
  happened
• 2:37
  to
• 2:37
  them
• 2:37
  in
• 2:37
  childhood.
• 2:38
  So
• 2:39
  tell
• 2:39
  me
• 2:39
  a
• 2:39
  little
• 2:39
  bit
• 2:39
  about
• 2:40
  your
• 2:40
  background.
• 2:40
  I'm
• 2:41
  sure
• 2:41
  your
• 2:41
  story
• 2:41
  is
• 2:41
  going
• 2:42
  to
• 2:42
  be
• 2:42
  sprinkled
• 2:42
  through
• 2:42
  this
• 2:42
  entire
• 2:43
  podcast,
• 2:44
  but
• 2:44
  talk
• 2:44
  a
• 2:44
  little
• 2:44
  bit
• 2:45
  about
• 2:45
  how
• 2:45
  you
• 2:45
  got
• 2:45
  started
• 2:46
  doing
• 2:46
  what
• 2:46
  you're
• 2:46
  doing.
• 2:47
  Yeah,
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  was
• 2:48
  thinking
• 2:48
  about
• 2:48
  this
• 2:48
  this
• 2:49
  morning
• 2:49
  earlier
• 2:49
  in
• 2:49
  prep,
• 2:50
  and
• 2:50
  it's
• 2:50
  kind
• 2:50
  of
• 2:51
  like
• 2:51
  the
• 2:51
  personal
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  professional
• 2:53
  have
• 2:53
  sort
• 2:53
  of
• 2:53
  always
• 2:53
  been
• 2:54
  woven
• 2:54
  together,
• 2:55
  even
• 2:55
  from
• 2:55
  the
• 2:55
  time
• 2:56
  that
• 2:56
  I
• 2:56
  was
• 2:56
  really,
• 2:56
  really
• 2:57
  young,
• 2:57
  just
• 2:57
  because,
• 2:58
  as,
• 2:58
  you
• 2:59
  know,
• 2:59
  growing
• 2:59
  up
• 2:59
  in
• 2:59
  an
• 2:59
  alcoholic
• 3:00
  home
• 3:01
  where
• 3:01
  we
• 3:02
  become,
• 3:02
  early
• 3:02
  on,
• 3:03
  very
• 3:03
  attuned
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  what's
• 3:04
  going
• 3:04
  on
• 3:04
  around
• 3:04
  us.
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  think
• 3:05
  my
• 3:06
  first
• 3:06
  ever
• 3:06
  therapist
• 3:07
  bio
• 3:08
  said
• 3:08
  I
• 3:09
  was
• 3:09
  always
• 3:09
  interested
• 3:10
  in
• 3:10
  my
• 3:10
  family's
• 3:10
  behavior.
• 3:11
  That's
• 3:11
  like,
• 3:11
  where
• 3:12
  the
• 3:12
  seed
• 3:12
  for
• 3:13
  therapy
• 3:13
  Was
• 3:13
  planted
• 3:14
  because
• 3:14
  why
• 3:14
  did
• 3:14
  he
• 3:14
  act
• 3:15
  like
• 3:15
  that?
• 3:15
  Why
• 3:15
  did
• 3:15
  she
• 3:16
  say
• 3:16
  that
• 3:16
  in
• 3:16
  that
• 3:16
  way?
• 3:17
  Why
• 3:17
  is
• 3:18
  there
• 3:18
  tension
• 3:18
  that
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  can't
• 3:19
  figure
• 3:19
  out
• 3:19
  that
• 3:20
  was
• 3:20
  always
• 3:20
  sort
• 3:21
  of
• 3:21
  like
• 3:21
  brewing
• 3:21
  from
• 3:22
  a
• 3:22
  very
• 3:22
  young
• 3:22
  age?
• 3:23
  And
• 3:24
  I
• 3:24
  think
• 3:24
  also
• 3:24
  with
• 3:25
  the
• 3:25
  support
• 3:25
  of
• 3:25
  my
• 3:25
  mom,
• 3:26
  who
• 3:26
  was.
• 3:26
  Was
• 3:26
  not
• 3:27
  the
• 3:27
  alcoholic
• 3:27
  parent,
• 3:28
  I
• 3:28
  learned
• 3:28
  about
• 3:29
  12
• 3:29
  step
• 3:29
  programs
• 3:30
  really,
• 3:30
  really
• 3:30
  early.
• 3:31
  So
• 3:31
  I
• 3:31
  was
• 3:31
  in
• 3:31
  Alotine,
• 3:32
  eventually
• 3:33
  Al
• 3:33
  Anon.
• 3:34
  When
• 3:34
  I
• 3:34
  moved
• 3:34
  to
• 3:35
  New
• 3:35
  York
• 3:35
  City,
• 3:35
  I
• 3:35
  discovered
• 3:36
  that
• 3:36
  ACOA
• 3:37
  Adult
• 3:37
  children
• 3:37
  was
• 3:38
  its
• 3:38
  own
• 3:38
  group,
• 3:40
  specifically
• 3:41
  working
• 3:42
  on
• 3:42
  intimacy
• 3:42
  and
• 3:43
  relationships
• 3:43
  and
• 3:44
  how
• 3:44
  that
• 3:44
  affects,
• 3:45
  like,
• 3:45
  your
• 3:45
  development.
• 3:46
  And
• 3:46
  so
• 3:47
  it's
• 3:47
  always
• 3:47
  been
• 3:48
  sort
• 3:48
  of
• 3:48
  like
• 3:48
  a
• 3:49
  through
• 3:49
  line
• 3:49
  in
• 3:49
  my
• 3:50
  life.
• 3:51
  But
• 3:51
  I
• 3:51
  also
• 3:51
  knew
• 3:52
  that
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  wanted
• 3:52
  to
• 3:52
  make
• 3:52
  it
• 3:53
  my
• 3:53
  career
• 3:53
  because
• 3:53
  it
• 3:54
  was
• 3:54
  interesting
• 3:55
  to
• 3:55
  me.
• 3:55
  And
• 3:56
  I
• 3:56
  think
• 3:56
  it
• 3:56
  was
• 3:56
  a
• 3:56
  way
• 3:57
  that.
• 3:57
  And
• 3:58
  maybe
• 3:58
  a
• 3:58
  lot
• 3:58
  of
• 3:58
  therapists
• 3:58
  feel
• 3:59
  this
• 3:59
  way.
• 3:59
  We
• 3:59
  can
• 3:59
  have
• 4:00
  some
• 4:00
  sort
• 4:00
  of
• 4:00
  facet
• 4:01
  of
• 4:01
  control
• 4:02
  over
• 4:02
  a
• 4:03
  situation,
• 4:04
  not
• 4:04
  in
• 4:04
  like
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  crazy
• 4:05
  way,
• 4:05
  but
• 4:05
  just
• 4:06
  in
• 4:06
  like
• 4:06
  an
• 4:06
  understanding
• 4:07
  way.
• 4:08
  So
• 4:09
  that
• 4:09
  sort
• 4:09
  of
• 4:09
  is
• 4:10
  where
• 4:10
  it
• 4:10
  all
• 4:11
  came
• 4:11
  together.
• 4:11
  I
• 4:12
  think
• 4:13
  the
• 4:13
  biggest
• 4:13
  part
• 4:14
  of
• 4:14
  my
• 4:14
  childhood
• 4:15
  was
• 4:16
  wrestling
• 4:17
  with
• 4:17
  the
• 4:17
  shame,
• 4:17
  which
• 4:18
  I'm
• 4:18
  sure
• 4:18
  many
• 4:19
  people
• 4:19
  can
• 4:20
  relate,
• 4:20
  many
• 4:20
  children
• 4:21
  and
• 4:21
  adults.
• 4:21
  But
• 4:22
  the
• 4:23
  not
• 4:23
  being
• 4:23
  sure
• 4:24
  when
• 4:24
  to
• 4:25
  talk
• 4:25
  about
• 4:25
  it
• 4:25
  or
• 4:25
  even
• 4:26
  what
• 4:26
  was
• 4:26
  going
• 4:26
  on,
• 4:26
  or
• 4:27
  even
• 4:27
  like
• 4:27
  labeling
• 4:28
  the
• 4:28
  emotion
• 4:28
  shame.
• 4:29
  I
• 4:30
  don't
• 4:30
  know
• 4:30
  when
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  came
• 4:30
  into
• 4:31
  my
• 4:31
  vocabulary,
• 4:31
  probably
• 4:32
  in
• 4:32
  a
• 4:32
  psychology
• 4:33
  class.
• 4:33
  But
• 4:34
  understanding
• 4:35
  that
• 4:35
  and
• 4:36
  that
• 4:36
  you
• 4:36
  feel
• 4:37
  different.
• 4:38
  But
• 4:38
  really,
• 4:39
  when
• 4:39
  you
• 4:39
  examine
• 4:39
  everybody's
• 4:40
  home
• 4:40
  and
• 4:40
  everybody's
• 4:41
  family,
• 4:42
  every
• 4:42
  family's
• 4:43
  got
• 4:43
  something.
• 4:43
  And
• 4:44
  I
• 4:44
  think
• 4:44
  that's
• 4:45
  sort
• 4:45
  of
• 4:45
  the
• 4:45
  irony
• 4:45
  of
• 4:46
  the
• 4:46
  ACDF
• 4:47
  evolution
• 4:48
  is
• 4:48
  that
• 4:48
  every
• 4:49
  family
• 4:49
  has
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  little
• 4:50
  dysfunction.
• 4:50
  It's
• 4:51
  just
• 4:51
  inherent
• 4:51
  in
• 4:52
  systems.
• 4:53
  In
• 4:53
  the
• 4:53
  same
• 4:53
  way
• 4:53
  that
• 4:53
  every
• 4:54
  job
• 4:54
  has
• 4:54
  some
• 4:54
  dysfunction
• 4:55
  and
• 4:55
  every
• 4:56
  government
• 4:56
  has
• 4:57
  some
• 4:57
  dysfunction,
• 4:58
  wherever
• 4:58
  you
• 4:58
  turn,
• 4:59
  there's
• 4:59
  going
• 4:59
  to
• 4:59
  be
• 4:59
  something
• 4:59
  that's
• 5:00
  not
• 5:00
  working.
• 5:01
  So
• 5:02
  kind
• 5:02
  of
• 5:02
  as
• 5:02
  a
• 5:02
  therapist,
• 5:03
  it's
• 5:03
  my
• 5:03
  job
• 5:04
  to
• 5:04
  figure
• 5:04
  out
• 5:04
  what's
• 5:04
  not
• 5:05
  working
• 5:05
  and
• 5:05
  how
• 5:05
  to
• 5:05
  empower,
• 5:06
  in
• 5:07
  my
• 5:07
  case,
• 5:07
  each
• 5:07
  individual
• 5:09
  to
• 5:09
  find
• 5:10
  their
• 5:10
  place
• 5:10
  in
• 5:10
  their
• 5:10
  family
• 5:11
  and
• 5:11
  then
• 5:11
  in
• 5:11
  their
• 5:11
  own
• 5:12
  community
• 5:12
  outside
• 5:12
  their
• 5:13
  family.
• 5:14
  Exactly.
• 5:15
  And
• 5:15
  I'm
• 5:15
  sure
• 5:16
  when
• 5:16
  people
• 5:16
  come
• 5:16
  to
• 5:17
  you,
• 5:17
  if
• 5:17
  they
• 5:17
  say,
• 5:18
  I
• 5:18
  had
• 5:18
  two
• 5:18
  alcoholic
• 5:19
  parents,
• 5:20
  it
• 5:20
  switches
• 5:21
  just
• 5:21
  a
• 5:21
  tiny
• 5:22
  bit
• 5:22
  because
• 5:23
  it's
• 5:23
  like
• 5:23
  you've
• 5:24
  walked
• 5:24
  in
• 5:24
  their
• 5:24
  shoes.
• 5:26
  And
• 5:27
  I
• 5:27
  tell
• 5:27
  people
• 5:28
  when
• 5:28
  they're
• 5:28
  looking
• 5:28
  for
• 5:28
  a
• 5:29
  therapist
• 5:29
  or
• 5:29
  a
• 5:29
  coach
• 5:30
  or
• 5:30
  a
• 5:30
  mentor
• 5:30
  or
• 5:31
  whoever
• 5:31
  it
• 5:31
  is,
• 5:32
  if
• 5:32
  you
• 5:32
  want
• 5:32
  that.
• 5:34
  Really,
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  don't
• 5:35
  want
• 5:35
  to
• 5:35
  say,
• 5:36
  yeah,
• 5:36
  I
• 5:36
  mean,
• 5:36
  that
• 5:36
  empathy
• 5:37
  that.
• 5:37
  That
• 5:38
  someone
• 5:38
  being
• 5:38
  able
• 5:38
  to
• 5:39
  walk
• 5:39
  in
• 5:39
  your
• 5:39
  shoes
• 5:40
  kind
• 5:40
  of
• 5:41
  therapist,
• 5:43
  there's
• 5:43
  nothing
• 5:43
  better
• 5:44
  than
• 5:44
  someone
• 5:44
  who
• 5:45
  has
• 5:45
  gone
• 5:45
  through
• 5:45
  it.
• 5:46
  And
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  say
• 5:48
  it
• 5:48
  all
• 5:48
  the
• 5:48
  time.
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  remember
• 5:49
  my
• 5:49
  first
• 5:49
  client
• 5:49
  said
• 5:50
  to
• 5:50
  Me,
• 5:50
  you
• 5:50
  know,
• 5:50
  Tammy,
• 5:50
  I've
• 5:51
  been
• 5:51
  going
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  therapy
• 5:51
  for
• 5:51
  11
• 5:52
  years
• 5:52
  and
• 5:52
  in
• 5:52
  18
• 5:53
  minutes
• 5:53
  you
• 5:53
  told
• 5:54
  me
• 5:54
  more
• 5:54
  about
• 5:54
  why
• 5:54
  I
• 5:55
  am
• 5:55
  the
• 5:55
  way
• 5:55
  I
• 5:56
  am
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  gave
• 5:57
  me
• 5:57
  something
• 5:57
  to
• 5:57
  do
• 5:58
  about
• 5:58
  it,
• 5:58
  like
• 5:58
  today.
• 5:59
  And
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  was
• 5:59
  like.
• 6:00
  Because
• 6:00
  I
• 6:00
  was
• 6:00
  you.
• 6:01
  Yeah,
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  get
• 6:03
  it.
• 6:03
  Like,
• 6:04
  so
• 6:04
  what
• 6:04
  do
• 6:05
  you.
• 6:05
  When
• 6:05
  did
• 6:05
  you
• 6:06
  start
• 6:06
  on
• 6:06
  your
• 6:06
  journey
• 6:07
  of.
• 6:07
  Did
• 6:07
  you
• 6:07
  know
• 6:08
  your
• 6:08
  whole
• 6:08
  life?
• 6:09
  Like,
• 6:09
  did
• 6:09
  your
• 6:09
  mom
• 6:10
  talk
• 6:10
  about.
• 6:10
  I
• 6:10
  guess
• 6:11
  it
• 6:11
  was
• 6:11
  your
• 6:11
  dad's
• 6:11
  addiction
• 6:12
  then.
• 6:13
  Yeah.
• 6:13
  So
• 6:14
  it
• 6:14
  was
• 6:14
  talked
• 6:15
  about
• 6:15
  to
• 6:15
  a
• 6:16
  point
• 6:16
  where
• 6:17
  I
• 6:17
  think
• 6:18
  she
• 6:18
  was
• 6:18
  aware
• 6:18
  of
• 6:19
  my
• 6:19
  awareness
• 6:19
  as
• 6:19
  like
• 6:20
  a
• 6:20
  10
• 6:20
  year
• 6:20
  old,
• 6:20
  11
• 6:20
  year
• 6:21
  old.
• 6:21
  Just
• 6:22
  people
• 6:22
  were
• 6:23
  wanting
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  come,
• 6:23
  you
• 6:23
  know,
• 6:24
  your
• 6:24
  friends
• 6:24
  want
• 6:24
  to
• 6:25
  come
• 6:25
  over,
• 6:25
  you
• 6:25
  want
• 6:25
  to
• 6:25
  go
• 6:25
  to
• 6:26
  sleepovers,
• 6:26
  you're
• 6:27
  out
• 6:27
  in
• 6:27
  the
• 6:27
  world
• 6:27
  more,
• 6:28
  you're
• 6:28
  learning
• 6:28
  more.
• 6:29
  And
• 6:29
  I
• 6:30
  think
• 6:30
  it
• 6:30
  was
• 6:30
  born
• 6:31
  out
• 6:31
  of,
• 6:31
  oh,
• 6:32
  she's
• 6:32
  going
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  have
• 6:32
  questions
• 6:32
  and
• 6:33
  I
• 6:33
  don't
• 6:33
  have
• 6:33
  all
• 6:33
  the
• 6:33
  answers
• 6:34
  because
• 6:34
  I'm
• 6:34
  not
• 6:34
  going
• 6:34
  to
• 6:34
  speak
• 6:35
  for
• 6:35
  him.
• 6:35
  And
• 6:36
  I'm
• 6:36
  on
• 6:37
  my
• 6:37
  own
• 6:37
  journey
• 6:37
  with
• 6:37
  healing.
• 6:38
  And
• 6:38
  so
• 6:38
  she
• 6:38
  brought
• 6:39
  me,
• 6:39
  kicking
• 6:40
  and
• 6:40
  screaming,
• 6:40
  I
• 6:41
  might
• 6:41
  add,
• 6:41
  into
• 6:41
  her
• 6:42
  journey.
• 6:42
  I
• 6:42
  did
• 6:43
  not
• 6:43
  want
• 6:43
  to
• 6:43
  be
• 6:43
  there
• 6:43
  those
• 6:44
  first
• 6:44
  few
• 6:44
  weeks.
• 6:44
  It
• 6:45
  was
• 6:45
  so
• 6:45
  uncomfortable.
• 6:48
  And
• 6:49
  I
• 6:49
  think
• 6:49
  sitting
• 6:50
  in
• 6:50
  that
• 6:50
  discomfort
• 6:51
  is
• 6:51
  what
• 6:51
  ultimately
• 6:52
  made
• 6:53
  me
• 6:53
  stronger
• 6:53
  throughout
• 6:54
  the
• 6:54
  years
• 6:54
  because
• 6:55
  the
• 6:56
  more
• 6:56
  that
• 6:56
  you
• 6:56
  share
• 6:57
  and
• 6:57
  the
• 6:57
  more
• 6:57
  that
• 6:57
  you
• 6:58
  see
• 6:58
  what
• 6:58
  other
• 6:58
  kids
• 6:58
  are
• 6:59
  going
• 6:59
  through
• 6:59
  and
• 6:59
  what
• 7:00
  they've
• 7:00
  endured
• 7:01
  at
• 7:01
  home
• 7:02
  and
• 7:02
  how,
• 7:02
  and
• 7:03
  sometimes
• 7:03
  even
• 7:03
  like
• 7:03
  how
• 7:04
  the
• 7:04
  families
• 7:04
  have
• 7:05
  evolved
• 7:05
  and
• 7:05
  gotten
• 7:06
  better,
• 7:07
  it
• 7:08
  like
• 7:08
  releases
• 7:08
  some
• 7:09
  of
• 7:09
  that
• 7:09
  shame.
• 7:09
  When
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  share
• 7:10
  it,
• 7:10
  it
• 7:11
  ultimately
• 7:11
  divides.
• 7:12
  And
• 7:12
  so
• 7:12
  I
• 7:12
  learned
• 7:13
  that
• 7:13
  at
• 7:13
  a
• 7:13
  really,
• 7:13
  really
• 7:14
  young
• 7:14
  age
• 7:14
  in
• 7:14
  those
• 7:15
  basements,
• 7:15
  just
• 7:15
  like,
• 7:16
  even
• 7:16
  if
• 7:16
  I
• 7:16
  didn't
• 7:17
  want
• 7:17
  to
• 7:17
  talk,
• 7:18
  listening,
• 7:18
  I
• 7:18
  would
• 7:19
  take
• 7:19
  things
• 7:19
  home.
• 7:20
  Like,
• 7:20
  oh,
• 7:21
  yeah,
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  remember
• 7:21
  she
• 7:22
  said
• 7:22
  she
• 7:22
  felt
• 7:22
  that
• 7:22
  way
• 7:22
  too.
• 7:23
  Or,
• 7:24
  you
• 7:24
  know,
• 7:24
  like,
• 7:25
  well,
• 7:25
  her
• 7:26
  dad
• 7:27
  also
• 7:27
  hasn't
• 7:27
  stopped
• 7:28
  drinking
• 7:28
  and
• 7:28
  mine
• 7:28
  isn't
• 7:29
  either.
• 7:29
  So,
• 7:30
  you
• 7:30
  know,
• 7:31
  it's
• 7:31
  like
• 7:31
  you
• 7:31
  find
• 7:31
  camaraderie
• 7:32
  in
• 7:32
  those,
• 7:32
  in
• 7:33
  those
• 7:33
  spaces.
• 7:33
  And
• 7:34
  I
• 7:34
  took
• 7:34
  that
• 7:34
  with
• 7:34
  me
• 7:35
  because
• 7:35
  that's
• 7:35
  why
• 7:35
  I
• 7:35
  went
• 7:36
  back
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  ACOA
• 7:37
  so
• 7:37
  many
• 7:37
  years
• 7:37
  later.
• 7:38
  It
• 7:38
  was
• 7:38
  just
• 7:38
  like
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  adult
• 7:39
  version,
• 7:40
  like
• 7:40
  fast
• 7:40
  forwarded.
• 7:41
  Right.
• 7:41
  Oh,
• 7:42
  stuff
• 7:43
  that
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  didn't
• 7:43
  continue
• 7:43
  working
• 7:44
  on.
• 7:45
  And
• 7:47
  I'm
• 7:47
  sorry,
• 7:47
  I
• 7:48
  forgot
• 7:48
  what
• 7:48
  your
• 7:48
  original
• 7:48
  question
• 7:49
  was.
• 7:49
  I
• 7:49
  went
• 7:49
  on
• 7:50
  a
• 7:50
  tangent.
• 7:51
  I
• 7:51
  don't
• 7:51
  know.
• 7:51
  But
• 7:51
  that's
• 7:51
  okay.
• 7:52
  That's.
• 7:52
  That's
• 7:52
  totally
• 7:53
  fine.
• 7:54
  Yeah.
• 7:54
  Now
• 7:55
  tell
• 7:55
  me,
• 7:55
  did
• 7:55
  you
• 7:56
  go
• 7:56
  with
• 7:56
  your
• 7:56
  mother?
• 7:56
  Did
• 7:57
  you
• 7:57
  go
• 7:57
  to
• 7:57
  Al
• 7:57
  Anon?
• 7:58
  Oh,
• 7:58
  just
• 7:59
  to
• 7:59
  Alateen.
• 7:59
  So
• 8:00
  the
• 8:00
  grown
• 8:01
  ups
• 8:01
  would
• 8:01
  go
• 8:01
  and
• 8:02
  then
• 8:02
  the
• 8:02
  kids
• 8:02
  would
• 8:02
  go
• 8:02
  with
• 8:03
  other
• 8:03
  peer
• 8:04
  leaders
• 8:04
  downstairs.
• 8:04
  Yeah,
• 8:05
  it
• 8:05
  was
• 8:05
  like
• 8:05
  the
• 8:05
  upstairs
• 8:05
  and
• 8:05
  the
• 8:06
  downstairs.
• 8:07
  Yeah.
• 8:08
  And
• 8:09
  I
• 8:09
  went
• 8:09
  to
• 8:09
  Alotine
• 8:10
  and
• 8:10
  it
• 8:10
  Was
• 8:10
  funny
• 8:11
  because
• 8:11
  I
• 8:11
  remember
• 8:11
  my
• 8:11
  father.
• 8:12
  I
• 8:12
  was
• 8:12
  about.
• 8:12
  I
• 8:12
  think
• 8:13
  I
• 8:13
  was
• 8:13
  12
• 8:13
  or
• 8:13
  13,
• 8:14
  and
• 8:14
  my
• 8:14
  father
• 8:15
  said
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  me
• 8:15
  one
• 8:15
  day,
• 8:16
  tammy,
• 8:16
  your
• 8:17
  mother
• 8:17
  and
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  are
• 8:17
  doing
• 8:18
  irreparable.
• 8:18
  I'll
• 8:19
  never
• 8:19
  forget
• 8:19
  this
• 8:19
  quote.
• 8:20
  He
• 8:20
  said,
• 8:20
  we're
• 8:20
  doing
• 8:21
  irreparable
• 8:21
  damage
• 8:22
  to
• 8:22
  you
• 8:22
  and
• 8:22
  your
• 8:23
  brother
• 8:23
  and
• 8:23
  sister,
• 8:23
  and
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  don't
• 8:24
  know
• 8:24
  how
• 8:24
  to
• 8:24
  help
• 8:24
  you.
• 8:26
  This
• 8:26
  is
• 8:26
  before
• 8:26
  the
• 8:27
  meetings,
• 8:27
  or
• 8:28
  it.
• 8:28
  Was
• 8:28
  before
• 8:28
  the
• 8:28
  meetings.
• 8:29
  Yeah.
• 8:29
  So
• 8:30
  I
• 8:30
  think
• 8:30
  I
• 8:30
  was
• 8:30
  12
• 8:31
  or
• 8:31
  13.
• 8:31
  And
• 8:31
  he's
• 8:32
  like,
• 8:32
  I
• 8:32
  don't
• 8:32
  know
• 8:32
  how
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  help
• 8:33
  you.
• 8:33
  So
• 8:34
  I
• 8:34
  was.
• 8:35
  I
• 8:35
  just
• 8:35
  asked,
• 8:36
  like,
• 8:36
  I
• 8:36
  was
• 8:36
  like,
• 8:37
  what
• 8:37
  do
• 8:37
  I
• 8:37
  do?
• 8:37
  So
• 8:37
  I.
• 8:37
  I
• 8:38
  think
• 8:38
  I
• 8:38
  asked
• 8:38
  a
• 8:38
  guidance
• 8:39
  counselor
• 8:39
  or
• 8:39
  something
• 8:39
  like,
• 8:40
  hey,
• 8:40
  is
• 8:41
  there
• 8:41
  something
• 8:41
  for
• 8:42
  kids
• 8:42
  whose
• 8:42
  parents
• 8:43
  drink?
• 8:43
  And
• 8:43
  they
• 8:44
  sent
• 8:44
  me
• 8:44
  to
• 8:44
  an
• 8:44
  alotine
• 8:45
  meeting.
• 8:46
  And
• 8:46
  I'll
• 8:46
  never
• 8:46
  forget
• 8:47
  it.
• 8:47
  And
• 8:47
  it
• 8:47
  was.
• 8:48
  They
• 8:49
  were
• 8:49
  talking
• 8:49
  about
• 8:49
  empathy,
• 8:50
  which
• 8:50
  is
• 8:50
  why
• 8:51
  I.
• 8:51
  I
• 8:51
  laugh
• 8:51
  now,
• 8:52
  because
• 8:52
  now
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  have
• 8:52
  very
• 8:53
  much.
• 8:53
  But
• 8:53
  back
• 8:53
  then
• 8:53
  I
• 8:54
  did
• 8:54
  not
• 8:54
  have
• 8:54
  any.
• 8:55
  And
• 8:55
  they
• 8:55
  were
• 8:55
  trying
• 8:55
  to
• 8:56
  talk
• 8:56
  about,
• 8:57
  you
• 8:57
  know,
• 8:57
  your
• 8:57
  parents,
• 8:58
  you
• 8:58
  know,
• 8:58
  they're
• 8:58
  struggling
• 8:59
  with
• 8:59
  their
• 8:59
  own
• 8:59
  demons
• 9:00
  and,
• 9:01
  you
• 9:01
  know,
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  be
• 9:01
  able
• 9:02
  to
• 9:02
  walk
• 9:02
  in
• 9:02
  someone's
• 9:02
  shoes
• 9:03
  or
• 9:03
  to
• 9:03
  be
• 9:03
  able
• 9:03
  to,
• 9:04
  you
• 9:04
  know,
• 9:04
  have
• 9:04
  a
• 9:05
  conversation
• 9:05
  or
• 9:06
  try
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  put
• 9:06
  yourself
• 9:07
  and
• 9:07
  see
• 9:07
  what
• 9:08
  they're
• 9:08
  going
• 9:08
  through.
• 9:09
  And
• 9:09
  the
• 9:09
  night
• 9:09
  before.
• 9:10
  It
• 9:10
  was
• 9:10
  the
• 9:10
  night
• 9:11
  before.
• 9:11
  I'll
• 9:11
  never
• 9:11
  forget
• 9:12
  it.
• 9:12
  My
• 9:13
  mom
• 9:13
  was.
• 9:13
  I
• 9:14
  don't
• 9:14
  know
• 9:14
  what
• 9:14
  she
• 9:14
  was
• 9:14
  doing,
• 9:14
  but
• 9:15
  she.
• 9:15
  It
• 9:15
  was
• 9:15
  a
• 9:15
  custody
• 9:16
  battle,
• 9:16
  basically.
• 9:17
  Yeah.
• 9:18
  And
• 9:18
  back
• 9:18
  in
• 9:18
  the
• 9:19
  80s,
• 9:19
  it
• 9:20
  wasn't
• 9:20
  an
• 9:20
  easy
• 9:20
  thing
• 9:21
  to
• 9:21
  show
• 9:21
  that
• 9:22
  mom
• 9:22
  was
• 9:22
  unfit.
• 9:22
  You
• 9:23
  really
• 9:23
  had
• 9:23
  to
• 9:23
  prove
• 9:23
  her
• 9:24
  unfit.
• 9:24
  Yeah.
• 9:25
  She
• 9:25
  was
• 9:25
  pretty
• 9:25
  much
• 9:25
  the
• 9:26
  default,
• 9:26
  right?
• 9:26
  Like
• 9:27
  that.
• 9:27
  Yeah,
• 9:28
  yeah,
• 9:28
  yeah.
• 9:28
  Did.
• 9:29
  They
• 9:29
  went.
• 9:29
  Kids
• 9:29
  went
• 9:30
  with
• 9:30
  Mom.
• 9:31
  And
• 9:32
  so
• 9:32
  she
• 9:32
  was
• 9:32
  trying
• 9:32
  to
• 9:33
  do
• 9:33
  every.
• 9:33
  She
• 9:33
  knew
• 9:33
  court
• 9:34
  was
• 9:34
  coming
• 9:34
  up,
• 9:34
  and
• 9:34
  she
• 9:34
  was
• 9:35
  trying
• 9:35
  to
• 9:35
  do
• 9:35
  everything
• 9:35
  she
• 9:36
  could
• 9:36
  to
• 9:37
  get
• 9:37
  my
• 9:37
  father
• 9:38
  to
• 9:38
  look
• 9:38
  bad.
• 9:38
  Because
• 9:39
  even
• 9:39
  though
• 9:39
  my
• 9:39
  father
• 9:39
  was
• 9:40
  an
• 9:40
  alcoholic,
• 9:40
  he
• 9:40
  was.
• 9:41
  He
• 9:41
  would
• 9:41
  never
• 9:41
  have
• 9:41
  laid
• 9:42
  a
• 9:42
  hand
• 9:42
  on
• 9:42
  us.
• 9:42
  He
• 9:42
  would
• 9:43
  never.
• 9:43
  He
• 9:43
  just
• 9:44
  was
• 9:44
  not
• 9:44
  that
• 9:45
  kind
• 9:45
  of
• 9:45
  guy.
• 9:46
  And
• 9:47
  so
• 9:47
  she
• 9:48
  called
• 9:48
  us
• 9:48
  down
• 9:48
  in
• 9:48
  the
• 9:48
  middle
• 9:49
  of
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  night,
• 9:49
  and
• 9:49
  she
• 9:49
  was
• 9:49
  burning
• 9:50
  cigarettes
• 9:50
  on
• 9:51
  my
• 9:51
  father,
• 9:51
  trying
• 9:52
  to
• 9:52
  get
• 9:52
  him
• 9:52
  to
• 9:53
  hit
• 9:53
  her
• 9:54
  so
• 9:54
  that
• 9:54
  we
• 9:54
  would
• 9:54
  have
• 9:54
  to
• 9:55
  testify
• 9:55
  against
• 9:55
  her.
• 9:55
  Antagonistic.
• 9:56
  She
• 9:57
  was
• 9:57
  antagonist
• 9:58
  again.
• 9:58
  Yeah.
• 9:58
  And
• 9:59
  so.
• 9:59
  And
• 9:59
  I'll
• 10:00
  never
• 10:00
  forget
• 10:00
  it.
• 10:00
  And
• 10:01
  then
• 10:01
  the
• 10:01
  very,
• 10:01
  like,
• 10:02
  two
• 10:02
  days,
• 10:02
  days
• 10:02
  later,
• 10:03
  I
• 10:03
  want
• 10:03
  to
• 10:03
  say
• 10:03
  it
• 10:03
  was
• 10:03
  like,
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  went
• 10:04
  to
• 10:04
  this
• 10:04
  alotine
• 10:05
  meeting
• 10:05
  and
• 10:05
  I'm
• 10:05
  like,
• 10:06
  oh,
• 10:06
  no,
• 10:06
  no,
• 10:06
  no,
• 10:07
  no,
• 10:07
  no.
• 10:07
  And
• 10:08
  so
• 10:08
  I
• 10:08
  left.
• 10:09
  I
• 10:09
  made
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  mistake.
• 10:10
  So
• 10:10
  if
• 10:10
  you're
• 10:10
  out
• 10:10
  there
• 10:10
  listening
• 10:11
  and
• 10:11
  you
• 10:11
  have
• 10:11
  a
• 10:11
  child
• 10:11
  and,
• 10:12
  you
• 10:12
  know
• 10:12
  they're
• 10:12
  going
• 10:12
  through
• 10:12
  this,
• 10:13
  don't
• 10:14
  let
• 10:14
  them
• 10:15
  leave
• 10:15
  without
• 10:15
  trying.
• 10:16
  It
• 10:16
  Three
• 10:16
  or
• 10:16
  four
• 10:17
  times,
• 10:17
  yes.
• 10:18
  Agree,
• 10:18
  agree.
• 10:19
  The
• 10:19
  first
• 10:20
  time
• 10:20
  was
• 10:20
  horrible.
• 10:20
  The
• 10:21
  second
• 10:21
  time
• 10:21
  was
• 10:21
  bad
• 10:22
  because
• 10:22
  I
• 10:22
  knew
• 10:22
  what
• 10:22
  it
• 10:23
  was
• 10:23
  like.
• 10:24
  The
• 10:24
  third
• 10:24
  time,
• 10:24
  it
• 10:24
  was
• 10:25
  kind
• 10:25
  of
• 10:25
  like,
• 10:25
  all
• 10:25
  right,
• 10:26
  this
• 10:26
  is
• 10:26
  what
• 10:26
  we
• 10:26
  do
• 10:27
  now.
• 10:27
  We
• 10:27
  go
• 10:27
  out
• 10:27
  to
• 10:27
  eat
• 10:28
  after.
• 10:28
  So
• 10:28
  at
• 10:28
  least
• 10:28
  I
• 10:29
  get
• 10:29
  my.
• 10:29
  Whatever
• 10:30
  it
• 10:30
  was.
• 10:30
  McDonald's,
• 10:30
  Wendy's,
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  shopping
• 10:32
  trip.
• 10:32
  Like,
• 10:33
  she
• 10:33
  brought
• 10:33
  it
• 10:34
  to
• 10:34
  me
• 10:34
  for
• 10:34
  sure.
• 10:35
  Right
• 10:36
  Then
• 10:36
  you
• 10:36
  kind
• 10:37
  of.
• 10:37
  Then
• 10:37
  I
• 10:37
  remember
• 10:38
  telling
• 10:39
  one
• 10:39
  friend
• 10:39
  at
• 10:40
  school,
• 10:40
  one
• 10:41
  best
• 10:41
  friend
• 10:41
  I
• 10:42
  told
• 10:42
  I
• 10:43
  will
• 10:43
  never
• 10:43
  forget
• 10:43
  over
• 10:43
  instant
• 10:44
  message.
• 10:44
  You
• 10:44
  know
• 10:44
  how
• 10:45
  we
• 10:45
  all
• 10:45
  used
• 10:45
  to
• 10:45
  go
• 10:45
  on,
• 10:45
  like,
• 10:46
  AOL
• 10:46
  and
• 10:46
  everything?
• 10:46
  I
• 10:46
  said,
• 10:47
  I
• 10:47
  have
• 10:47
  to
• 10:47
  tell
• 10:47
  you
• 10:47
  something.
• 10:48
  My
• 10:49
  dad
• 10:49
  has
• 10:49
  some
• 10:49
  problems,
• 10:50
  and
• 10:50
  I've
• 10:50
  been
• 10:50
  going
• 10:50
  to
• 10:50
  a
• 10:50
  meeting
• 10:51
  about
• 10:51
  it,
• 10:51
  and
• 10:51
  I
• 10:51
  feel
• 10:51
  a
• 10:51
  lot
• 10:52
  better
• 10:52
  now.
• 10:52
  And
• 10:53
  she
• 10:53
  was
• 10:53
  so
• 10:53
  supportive.
• 10:54
  And
• 10:55
  it
• 10:55
  was
• 10:55
  like,
• 10:56
  you
• 10:56
  tell
• 10:56
  the
• 10:57
  people
• 10:57
  in
• 10:57
  the
• 10:57
  meeting,
• 10:57
  and
• 10:58
  then
• 10:58
  maybe
• 10:58
  you
• 10:58
  can
• 10:59
  tell
• 10:59
  one
• 10:59
  person
• 10:59
  in
• 11:00
  your
• 11:00
  personal
• 11:00
  life,
• 11:00
  and
• 11:01
  maybe
• 11:01
  then
• 11:01
  that
• 11:01
  one
• 11:02
  person
• 11:02
  holds
• 11:02
  your
• 11:02
  secret
• 11:03
  and
• 11:03
  is
• 11:03
  a
• 11:03
  really
• 11:03
  good
• 11:04
  friend
• 11:04
  and
• 11:05
  you
• 11:05
  can
• 11:05
  kind
• 11:05
  of
• 11:05
  like,
• 11:06
  breathe
• 11:06
  a
• 11:06
  little
• 11:06
  bit
• 11:07
  easier
• 11:07
  in
• 11:07
  the
• 11:07
  world.
• 11:07
  Because
• 11:08
  what
• 11:08
  you're
• 11:08
  describing,
• 11:09
  too,
• 11:09
  is
• 11:09
  what
• 11:10
  so
• 11:10
  many
• 11:10
  of
• 11:10
  my
• 11:10
  clients
• 11:11
  say,
• 11:11
  which
• 11:11
  is,
• 11:11
  but
• 11:12
  my
• 11:12
  parents
• 11:12
  don't
• 11:12
  hit
• 11:13
  me.
• 11:13
  You
• 11:13
  know,
• 11:13
  they
• 11:13
  provide
• 11:14
  for
• 11:14
  me.
• 11:14
  They
• 11:15
  work,
• 11:15
  they
• 11:16
  do
• 11:16
  this,
• 11:16
  they
• 11:16
  do
• 11:17
  that.
• 11:17
  In
• 11:17
  your
• 11:17
  dad's
• 11:18
  case,
• 11:18
  that
• 11:19
  doesn't
• 11:19
  mean
• 11:19
  there's
• 11:20
  not
• 11:21
  something
• 11:21
  going
• 11:22
  on
• 11:22
  that
• 11:23
  is
• 11:23
  really
• 11:24
  painful
• 11:24
  to
• 11:25
  watch
• 11:25
  or
• 11:25
  witness
• 11:26
  or
• 11:26
  be
• 11:26
  a
• 11:26
  part
• 11:26
  of
• 11:26
  in
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  family
• 11:27
  unit.
• 11:27
  It
• 11:28
  doesn't
• 11:28
  have
• 11:28
  to
• 11:28
  be
• 11:28
  physical.
• 11:29
  It
• 11:29
  could
• 11:30
  be
• 11:30
  emotional.
• 11:30
  And
• 11:31
  that's
• 11:31
  what
• 11:31
  is
• 11:31
  important
• 11:31
  to
• 11:32
  share
• 11:32
  with
• 11:32
  other
• 11:32
  people.
• 11:33
  Exactly.
• 11:34
  And
• 11:34
  even
• 11:34
  just,
• 11:35
  you
• 11:35
  know,
• 11:35
  I.
• 11:35
  I
• 11:36
  always
• 11:36
  say
• 11:36
  my
• 11:37
  dad
• 11:37
  never.
• 11:37
  I
• 11:38
  mean,
• 11:38
  he
• 11:38
  drank
• 11:38
  every
• 11:38
  night.
• 11:39
  He.
• 11:39
  He
• 11:39
  was
• 11:39
  so
• 11:40
  tormented,
• 11:41
  even.
• 11:41
  And
• 11:41
  my
• 11:42
  kids
• 11:42
  loved
• 11:42
  him
• 11:43
  till
• 11:43
  the
• 11:43
  day
• 11:43
  he
• 11:43
  died.
• 11:43
  I
• 11:44
  mean,
• 11:44
  my
• 11:44
  kids,
• 11:45
  we
• 11:45
  lived
• 11:45
  with
• 11:46
  him
• 11:46
  at
• 11:46
  certain
• 11:46
  times
• 11:46
  throughout
• 11:47
  our.
• 11:47
  My
• 11:47
  adulthood
• 11:47
  when
• 11:48
  I
• 11:48
  was
• 11:48
  moving
• 11:48
  and
• 11:48
  things
• 11:48
  like
• 11:49
  that.
• 11:49
  But
• 11:50
  they
• 11:50
  would
• 11:50
  say,
• 11:51
  I
• 11:51
  mean,
• 11:51
  he
• 11:51
  was
• 11:51
  the
• 11:51
  gentlest,
• 11:52
  kindest
• 11:53
  man
• 11:53
  in
• 11:53
  the
• 11:53
  whole
• 11:53
  world.
• 11:53
  But
• 11:54
  when
• 11:54
  he
• 11:54
  would
• 11:54
  fall
• 11:54
  asleep,
• 11:55
  and
• 11:55
  they
• 11:55
  would
• 11:55
  always,
• 11:55
  like,
• 11:56
  put
• 11:56
  all
• 11:56
  the
• 11:56
  pillows
• 11:57
  and
• 11:57
  the
• 11:57
  blankets
• 11:57
  on
• 11:58
  his
• 11:58
  floor,
• 11:58
  and
• 11:58
  they'd
• 11:58
  all
• 11:58
  watch
• 11:59
  a
• 11:59
  movie
• 11:59
  and
• 11:59
  fall
• 11:59
  asleep,
• 12:00
  and
• 12:00
  he
• 12:01
  would
• 12:01
  sit
• 12:01
  there
• 12:01
  with
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  scotch
• 12:02
  next
• 12:02
  to
• 12:02
  the
• 12:02
  bed
• 12:02
  and
• 12:03
  drink.
• 12:03
  But
• 12:03
  my
• 12:03
  daughter
• 12:04
  said
• 12:04
  to
• 12:04
  me
• 12:04
  one
• 12:05
  day,
• 12:05
  I'll
• 12:05
  never
• 12:05
  forget
• 12:05
  it.
• 12:05
  She's
• 12:06
  about
• 12:06
  8.
• 12:07
  And
• 12:07
  she
• 12:07
  said,
• 12:07
  you
• 12:08
  know,
• 12:08
  I
• 12:08
  love
• 12:08
  Grandpa
• 12:09
  so
• 12:09
  much,
• 12:09
  but
• 12:09
  I
• 12:09
  hate
• 12:10
  when
• 12:10
  he
• 12:10
  sleeps.
• 12:11
  And
• 12:11
  I
• 12:12
  thought,
• 12:12
  that's
• 12:12
  a
• 12:12
  weird
• 12:13
  thing
• 12:13
  to
• 12:13
  say.
• 12:14
  And
• 12:14
  she
• 12:14
  said
• 12:14
  he
• 12:15
  would
• 12:15
  cuss
• 12:16
  and
• 12:16
  cry
• 12:16
  and
• 12:17
  drop
• 12:17
  every
• 12:18
  F
• 12:18
  bomb.
• 12:19
  And
• 12:19
  in
• 12:19
  his
• 12:20
  sleep,
• 12:20
  in
• 12:21
  his
• 12:21
  sleep,
• 12:21
  he
• 12:22
  was
• 12:22
  so
• 12:23
  angry.
• 12:23
  And
• 12:23
  so.
• 12:24
  So,
• 12:24
  I
• 12:24
  mean,
• 12:24
  he
• 12:25
  never
• 12:25
  got
• 12:25
  the
• 12:25
  help
• 12:25
  he
• 12:25
  needed,
• 12:26
  you
• 12:26
  know,
• 12:27
  so.
• 12:27
  But
• 12:28
  that
• 12:28
  just
• 12:28
  was.
• 12:28
  I
• 12:29
  Was
• 12:29
  like,
• 12:29
  oh,
• 12:29
  my
• 12:29
  gosh.
• 12:30
  So
• 12:30
  when
• 12:30
  I
• 12:31
  talk
• 12:31
  about,
• 12:32
  you
• 12:32
  know,
• 12:32
  he
• 12:32
  never
• 12:32
  did
• 12:33
  anything
• 12:33
  wrong,
• 12:34
  I
• 12:35
  also
• 12:35
  say,
• 12:36
  God
• 12:37
  bless
• 12:37
  him.
• 12:37
  He
• 12:38
  was
• 12:38
  never
• 12:38
  there
• 12:38
  emotionally
• 12:39
  to
• 12:39
  be
• 12:39
  able
• 12:40
  to
• 12:40
  do
• 12:40
  anything
• 12:41
  right,
• 12:42
  if
• 12:42
  that
• 12:42
  makes
• 12:43
  sense.
• 12:43
  Yes.
• 12:44
  I
• 12:44
  mean,
• 12:44
  and
• 12:44
  that's
• 12:44
  the
• 12:45
  perfect
• 12:45
  way
• 12:45
  to
• 12:45
  put
• 12:45
  it.
• 12:46
  Like,
• 12:46
  he
• 12:46
  was
• 12:46
  there
• 12:47
  for
• 12:47
  me.
• 12:47
  He
• 12:47
  provided
• 12:48
  for
• 12:48
  me.
• 12:48
  He
• 12:48
  drove
• 12:48
  me
• 12:48
  to
• 12:49
  my
• 12:49
  sports.
• 12:49
  He.
• 12:50
  He
• 12:50
  did
• 12:50
  all
• 12:50
  that
• 12:51
  stuff
• 12:51
  when
• 12:51
  he
• 12:51
  could.
• 12:52
  When
• 12:52
  he
• 12:52
  wasn't
• 12:52
  fighting
• 12:52
  with
• 12:53
  my
• 12:53
  mother,.
• 12:53
  He
• 12:53
  was
• 12:54
  like
• 12:54
  the
• 12:54
  parental
• 12:54
  body
• 12:55
  in
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  room,
• 12:55
  like,
• 12:56
  could
• 12:56
  do
• 12:56
  the
• 12:56
  things.
• 12:57
  Yeah,
• 12:57
  right,
• 12:58
  right.
• 12:58
  You
• 12:58
  know,
• 12:58
  whereas
• 12:59
  my
• 12:59
  mom,
• 12:59
  I
• 12:59
  was
• 12:59
  holding
• 13:00
  her
• 13:00
  hair
• 13:00
  over
• 13:00
  the
• 13:00
  toilet
• 13:01
  so
• 13:01
  she
• 13:01
  could
• 13:01
  puke,
• 13:01
  so
• 13:02
  I
• 13:02
  could
• 13:02
  call
• 13:02
  in
• 13:02
  sick
• 13:03
  to
• 13:03
  her
• 13:03
  boss
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  say
• 13:04
  she's
• 13:04
  got
• 13:04
  the
• 13:04
  flu.
• 13:05
  Like,
• 13:05
  that
• 13:05
  was
• 13:05
  a
• 13:06
  totally
• 13:06
  different.
• 13:07
  You
• 13:07
  were
• 13:07
  her
• 13:07
  parent,
• 13:08
  basically.
• 13:09
  Yeah,
• 13:09
  yeah.
• 13:10
  Yes,
• 13:10
  exactly.
• 13:11
  So
• 13:11
  there
• 13:11
  are
• 13:11
  both
• 13:11
  of
• 13:12
  those
• 13:12
  cases.
• 13:12
  But,
• 13:13
  you
• 13:14
  know,
• 13:14
  at
• 13:14
  the
• 13:14
  end
• 13:14
  of
• 13:14
  the
• 13:14
  day,
• 13:15
  it's.
• 13:15
  Again,
• 13:15
  you
• 13:16
  said,
• 13:16
  you
• 13:16
  know,
• 13:17
  it
• 13:17
  goes
• 13:17
  back
• 13:17
  to
• 13:17
  that
• 13:18
  shame.
• 13:18
  I
• 13:18
  couldn't
• 13:19
  tell
• 13:19
  anybody.
• 13:19
  I
• 13:20
  mean,
• 13:20
  it
• 13:20
  was
• 13:20
  kind
• 13:20
  of
• 13:20
  a
• 13:21
  joke.
• 13:21
  I
• 13:21
  know
• 13:21
  this
• 13:21
  is
• 13:21
  horrible,
• 13:22
  but
• 13:22
  my
• 13:22
  friends
• 13:23
  and
• 13:23
  I
• 13:23
  used
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  call
• 13:23
  my
• 13:24
  mom
• 13:24
  the
• 13:24
  I
• 13:25
  mean
• 13:25
  to
• 13:25
  her
• 13:25
  face.
• 13:26
  Like,
• 13:26
  it
• 13:27
  was
• 13:27
  so
• 13:27
  bad.
• 13:27
  And
• 13:28
  I
• 13:28
  think
• 13:28
  about
• 13:28
  it
• 13:28
  now,
• 13:29
  and
• 13:29
  I'm
• 13:29
  like,
• 13:29
  hey.
• 13:30
  And
• 13:30
  I.
• 13:32
  It
• 13:32
  was.
• 13:32
  There
• 13:32
  was.
• 13:33
  Think
• 13:33
  about
• 13:33
  the
• 13:33
  home
• 13:34
  you
• 13:34
  grew
• 13:34
  up
• 13:34
  in.
• 13:34
  And
• 13:34
  that
• 13:35
  was
• 13:35
  a
• 13:35
  norm.
• 13:35
  That
• 13:36
  was
• 13:36
  like,
• 13:36
  well,
• 13:37
  this
• 13:37
  is
• 13:37
  what
• 13:38
  I'm
• 13:38
  gonna
• 13:38
  do.
• 13:38
  And
• 13:39
  maybe
• 13:39
  watching
• 13:39
  it
• 13:40
  on,
• 13:40
  like,
• 13:40
  a
• 13:40
  TV
• 13:40
  show,
• 13:41
  or
• 13:41
  if
• 13:41
  you
• 13:41
  heard
• 13:41
  someone
• 13:41
  telling
• 13:42
  you
• 13:42
  that,
• 13:42
  it
• 13:42
  now
• 13:42
  would
• 13:42
  be
• 13:42
  like,
• 13:43
  whoa.
• 13:43
  But
• 13:43
  at
• 13:44
  the
• 13:44
  time,
• 13:44
  it
• 13:44
  was
• 13:44
  like,
• 13:44
  yeah,
• 13:45
  why
• 13:45
  not?
• 13:45
  That's.
• 13:46
  I
• 13:46
  mean.
• 13:47
  Yeah,
• 13:47
  she
• 13:47
  was
• 13:47
  mean
• 13:48
  to
• 13:48
  me.
• 13:48
  My
• 13:48
  friends
• 13:48
  knew
• 13:49
  she
• 13:49
  was
• 13:49
  mean
• 13:49
  to
• 13:49
  me.
• 13:49
  I
• 13:50
  wasn't
• 13:50
  allowed
• 13:50
  to
• 13:50
  bring
• 13:50
  people
• 13:51
  into
• 13:51
  the
• 13:51
  house.
• 13:52
  Very,
• 13:52
  very
• 13:52
  seldom
• 13:53
  did
• 13:53
  I
• 13:53
  ever
• 13:53
  bring
• 13:53
  in
• 13:54
  Buddy
• 13:54
  into
• 13:54
  the
• 13:54
  house.
• 13:55
  And
• 13:55
  the
• 13:55
  couple
• 13:56
  times
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  did,
• 13:56
  it
• 13:56
  was
• 13:56
  a
• 13:56
  disaster.
• 13:57
  So
• 13:57
  I
• 13:57
  stopped
• 13:58
  doing
• 13:58
  that.
• 13:58
  But,
• 13:59
  yeah,
• 13:59
  it's.
• 14:00
  But
• 14:00
  you.
• 14:00
  You
• 14:01
  have
• 14:01
  that
• 14:01
  shame.
• 14:02
  I
• 14:02
  mean,
• 14:02
  in
• 14:02
  our
• 14:02
  family,
• 14:03
  it
• 14:03
  wasn't.
• 14:04
  My
• 14:04
  dad
• 14:04
  said,
• 14:04
  I
• 14:05
  don't
• 14:05
  know
• 14:05
  what
• 14:05
  to
• 14:05
  do
• 14:05
  for
• 14:06
  you.
• 14:08
  My
• 14:08
  grandmother
• 14:08
  was
• 14:08
  kind
• 14:09
  of
• 14:09
  our
• 14:09
  rock.
• 14:09
  She
• 14:10
  never
• 14:10
  drank
• 14:10
  a
• 14:10
  day
• 14:10
  in
• 14:11
  her
• 14:11
  life.
• 14:11
  Well,
• 14:11
  I
• 14:11
  take
• 14:11
  that
• 14:12
  back.
• 14:12
  She
• 14:12
  drank
• 14:12
  at
• 14:12
  my
• 14:12
  kids.
• 14:13
  Confirmation.
• 14:14
  And
• 14:14
  because
• 14:14
  she
• 14:14
  didn't
• 14:14
  realize
• 14:15
  she
• 14:15
  was
• 14:15
  drinking
• 14:15
  wine
• 14:15
  coolers,
• 14:16
  didn't
• 14:16
  know
• 14:16
  what
• 14:16
  they
• 14:16
  were,
• 14:16
  and
• 14:17
  had
• 14:17
  three
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  them.
• 14:17
  And
• 14:17
  it
• 14:18
  was
• 14:18
  like,
• 14:18
  we
• 14:19
  can
• 14:19
  let
• 14:19
  that
• 14:19
  go.
• 14:20
  She
• 14:20
  didn't
• 14:20
  realize,
• 14:21
  you
• 14:21
  see
• 14:21
  that?
• 14:21
  Yeah,
• 14:22
  I'm
• 14:22
  like,
• 14:22
  I'm
• 14:22
  gonna
• 14:22
  let
• 14:22
  that
• 14:23
  one
• 14:23
  go.
• 14:23
  But.
• 14:24
  But,
• 14:26
  like,
• 14:27
  having
• 14:27
  people
• 14:27
  over
• 14:28
  at
• 14:28
  the
• 14:28
  house
• 14:28
  and
• 14:28
  everything,
• 14:28
  that
• 14:29
  wasn't
• 14:29
  a
• 14:29
  thing.
• 14:30
  And
• 14:31
  so
• 14:31
  we
• 14:31
  were
• 14:31
  told,
• 14:32
  and
• 14:32
  my
• 14:32
  mom
• 14:32
  clearly
• 14:33
  flat
• 14:33
  out
• 14:34
  said
• 14:34
  to
• 14:34
  me,
• 14:34
  my
• 14:34
  mom.
• 14:35
  My
• 14:35
  mom
• 14:35
  was
• 14:35
  a
• 14:35
  child
• 14:35
  psychiatrist.
• 14:37
  So
• 14:37
  she,
• 14:38
  she
• 14:38
  was
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  very
• 14:39
  intelligent
• 14:40
  woman.
• 14:40
  So
• 14:40
  when.
• 14:41
  And
• 14:41
  she
• 14:41
  was
• 14:41
  also
• 14:42
  a
• 14:42
  severe
• 14:43
  narcissist,
• 14:43
  which
• 14:43
  I
• 14:44
  didn't
• 14:44
  know
• 14:44
  at
• 14:44
  the
• 14:44
  time,
• 14:45
  but
• 14:46
  obviously
• 14:46
  I
• 14:46
  didn't
• 14:46
  know.
• 14:47
  I
• 14:47
  didn't
• 14:47
  know
• 14:47
  any
• 14:47
  of
• 14:47
  that.
• 14:48
  No.
• 14:48
  But
• 14:49
  you
• 14:49
  know,
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  always
• 14:49
  say
• 14:50
  looking
• 14:50
  back
• 14:50
  at
• 14:50
  him,
• 14:51
  like,
• 14:51
  man,
• 14:51
  I
• 14:51
  was
• 14:51
  manipulated
• 14:52
  by
• 14:52
  the
• 14:52
  best.
• 14:55
  Well,
• 14:55
  it's
• 14:56
  true.
• 14:56
  It's
• 14:57
  like
• 14:57
  when
• 14:57
  people
• 14:58
  have
• 14:58
  a
• 14:58
  gift,
• 14:58
  they
• 14:59
  can
• 14:59
  use
• 14:59
  it
• 14:59
  as
• 14:59
  a
• 14:59
  tool
• 15:00
  or
• 15:00
  they
• 15:00
  can
• 15:00
  use
• 15:00
  it
• 15:00
  as
• 15:01
  a
• 15:01
  weapon.
• 15:01
  Yeah.
• 15:03
  And
• 15:04
  I
• 15:04
  think
• 15:04
  also
• 15:05
  even
• 15:05
  your
• 15:05
  dad,
• 15:05
  the
• 15:06
  image
• 15:06
  of
• 15:06
  him
• 15:06
  like
• 15:07
  crying
• 15:08
  when
• 15:08
  in
• 15:08
  his
• 15:08
  sleep,
• 15:09
  that's
• 15:09
  so
• 15:10
  emblematic
• 15:10
  of
• 15:11
  like
• 15:11
  alcohol
• 15:11
  does
• 15:12
  not
• 15:12
  fix
• 15:12
  your
• 15:12
  problems.
• 15:13
  You
• 15:13
  can
• 15:13
  think
• 15:14
  it
• 15:14
  will
• 15:14
  and
• 15:14
  it
• 15:15
  will
• 15:15
  find
• 15:15
  you
• 15:15
  in
• 15:16
  your
• 15:16
  sleep.
• 15:16
  Right.
• 15:17
  Like
• 15:17
  in
• 15:17
  front
• 15:17
  of
• 15:18
  your
• 15:18
  grandkids.
• 15:19
  It
• 15:19
  doesn't,
• 15:20
  it
• 15:20
  doesn't,
• 15:22
  it
• 15:22
  doesn't
• 15:23
  regulate
• 15:23
  in
• 15:23
  the
• 15:24
  way
• 15:24
  that
• 15:24
  we
• 15:24
  hope
• 15:24
  it
• 15:25
  will
• 15:25
  or
• 15:25
  when
• 15:26
  the
• 15:26
  way
• 15:26
  some
• 15:26
  people
• 15:26
  hope
• 15:26
  it
• 15:26
  will,
• 15:27
  I
• 15:27
  guess.
• 15:27
  Right.
• 15:28
  And
• 15:28
  he
• 15:28
  didn't
• 15:28
  know
• 15:29
  back
• 15:29
  then.
• 15:29
  He,
• 15:29
  I
• 15:29
  mean,
• 15:30
  he
• 15:30
  was
• 15:30
  Vietnam,
• 15:31
  you
• 15:31
  know,
• 15:31
  he
• 15:32
  was
• 15:32
  Vietnam
• 15:32
  in
• 15:33
  a
• 15:33
  very
• 15:33
  stressful
• 15:33
  situation.
• 15:34
  He
• 15:34
  had
• 15:34
  actually
• 15:34
  ended
• 15:35
  up
• 15:35
  dying
• 15:35
  of
• 15:35
  Agent
• 15:36
  Orange
• 15:36
  cancer
• 15:36
  from
• 15:37
  going
• 15:37
  and
• 15:37
  blasting
• 15:37
  out
• 15:38
  the
• 15:38
  weeds
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  stuff.
• 15:39
  So
• 15:39
  he
• 15:40
  was
• 15:40
  in,
• 15:41
  in
• 15:41
  the,
• 15:41
  the
• 15:42
  thick
• 15:42
  of
• 15:42
  it.
• 15:42
  He
• 15:43
  also
• 15:43
  was
• 15:43
  sexually
• 15:44
  molested
• 15:44
  by
• 15:44
  his
• 15:44
  uncle
• 15:45
  for
• 15:46
  a
• 15:46
  long
• 15:46
  time
• 15:46
  when
• 15:46
  he
• 15:47
  was
• 15:47
  a
• 15:47
  child.
• 15:47
  And
• 15:47
  I
• 15:47
  didn't
• 15:47
  know
• 15:48
  any
• 15:48
  of
• 15:48
  this,
• 15:48
  you
• 15:48
  know,
• 15:48
  I
• 15:49
  didn't,
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  found
• 15:49
  this
• 15:49
  out.
• 15:50
  Yep.
• 15:51
  Much
• 15:51
  later.
• 15:52
  And,
• 15:52
  and,
• 15:53
  but
• 15:53
  again,
• 15:54
  after
• 15:54
  all
• 15:54
  the
• 15:54
  healing
• 15:55
  I
• 15:55
  had
• 15:55
  done,
• 15:56
  I,
• 15:56
  I
• 15:57
  don't
• 15:57
  even
• 15:57
  have
• 15:57
  any
• 15:57
  hard
• 15:58
  feelings
• 15:58
  for
• 15:58
  my
• 15:58
  mother.
• 15:59
  Like
• 15:59
  it's,
• 16:00
  I
• 16:00
  get
• 16:01
  it.
• 16:01
  Like,
• 16:02
  yeah,
• 16:02
  I
• 16:03
  guess
• 16:03
  she
• 16:03
  was
• 16:03
  a
• 16:04
  sick
• 16:05
  mentally
• 16:06
  ill
• 16:07
  person
• 16:07
  who
• 16:07
  is
• 16:08
  trying
• 16:08
  to
• 16:08
  drown
• 16:08
  her
• 16:09
  pain
• 16:09
  flat
• 16:10
  out.
• 16:10
  Yep.
• 16:11
  And
• 16:11
  the
• 16:11
  hard
• 16:11
  feelings
• 16:12
  only
• 16:12
  hurt
• 16:12
  you.
• 16:13
  Right.
• 16:13
  Like
• 16:13
  that's
• 16:13
  something
• 16:14
  that
• 16:14
  I
• 16:14
  had
• 16:14
  to
• 16:14
  learn
• 16:15
  about.
• 16:16
  So
• 16:16
  my
• 16:16
  dad
• 16:16
  actually
• 16:16
  passed
• 16:17
  when
• 16:18
  he,
• 16:18
  when
• 16:18
  I
• 16:18
  was
• 16:18
  15.
• 16:19
  And
• 16:19
  he
• 16:20
  had
• 16:20
  not
• 16:20
  taken
• 16:20
  care
• 16:20
  of
• 16:21
  himself
• 16:21
  clearly,
• 16:22
  other
• 16:22
  than
• 16:22
  the
• 16:22
  alcohol.
• 16:23
  Like
• 16:23
  it
• 16:23
  trickled
• 16:23
  into
• 16:24
  everything.
• 16:25
  He
• 16:25
  was
• 16:25
  a
• 16:25
  stonemason.
• 16:26
  He
• 16:26
  worked
• 16:26
  really
• 16:27
  long
• 16:27
  hours,
• 16:27
  didn't
• 16:28
  take
• 16:28
  care
• 16:28
  of
• 16:28
  his
• 16:28
  body.
• 16:29
  Brilliant
• 16:30
  like
• 16:30
  House
• 16:30
  Creations
• 16:31
  and
• 16:32
  such
• 16:32
  a
• 16:33
  hard
• 16:33
  worker,
• 16:33
  but
• 16:33
  had
• 16:34
  a
• 16:34
  lot
• 16:34
  of
• 16:34
  illnesses
• 16:35
  that
• 16:35
  he
• 16:35
  didn't
• 16:36
  take
• 16:36
  care
• 16:37
  of
• 16:37
  and
• 16:37
  self
• 16:37
  medicated.
• 16:38
  And
• 16:38
  so
• 16:39
  the
• 16:39
  one
• 16:40
  thing
• 16:40
  I
• 16:40
  had
• 16:40
  to
• 16:40
  learn
• 16:41
  was
• 16:42
  similar
• 16:42
  to
• 16:42
  what
• 16:42
  you're
• 16:42
  saying.
• 16:43
  I'm
• 16:43
  only,
• 16:44
  I'm
• 16:44
  carrying
• 16:45
  the
• 16:45
  pain
• 16:45
  now.
• 16:45
  Like
• 16:46
  if
• 16:46
  that's
• 16:46
  the
• 16:46
  legacy
• 16:47
  that
• 16:47
  I
• 16:47
  want,
• 16:48
  then
• 16:48
  that's
• 16:49
  what
• 16:49
  I
• 16:49
  get.
• 16:49
  But
• 16:49
  I,
• 16:50
  I
• 16:50
  can
• 16:50
  remember
• 16:51
  happy
• 16:51
  times.
• 16:52
  I
• 16:52
  can
• 16:52
  remember
• 16:52
  he
• 16:53
  used
• 16:53
  to
• 16:53
  make
• 16:53
  my
• 16:53
  mom
• 16:53
  very
• 16:54
  happy.
• 16:54
  I
• 16:54
  can
• 16:54
  remember
• 16:55
  me
• 16:55
  being
• 16:56
  happy
• 16:57
  and
• 16:58
  simply
• 16:58
  just
• 16:59
  the
• 16:59
  fact
• 16:59
  that
• 16:59
  he's
• 16:59
  my
• 16:59
  dad.
• 17:00
  And
• 17:00
  that
• 17:00
  can
• 17:00
  mean
• 17:01
  something
• 17:01
  if
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  want
• 17:02
  it
• 17:02
  to
• 17:02
  but
• 17:02
  you
• 17:03
  get
• 17:03
  to
• 17:03
  decide.
• 17:03
  That's
• 17:04
  a
• 17:04
  big
• 17:04
  part
• 17:04
  of
• 17:04
  what
• 17:04
  my
• 17:05
  new
• 17:05
  book
• 17:05
  is
• 17:05
  about,
• 17:06
  is
• 17:06
  like,
• 17:06
  you
• 17:06
  get
• 17:07
  to
• 17:07
  rewrite
• 17:08
  the
• 17:08
  narrative
• 17:09
  going
• 17:09
  forward.
• 17:09
  Whether
• 17:10
  they're
• 17:10
  in
• 17:10
  your
• 17:10
  life,
• 17:11
  they've
• 17:11
  passed,
• 17:11
  they're
• 17:12
  not
• 17:12
  in
• 17:12
  your
• 17:12
  life,
• 17:12
  or
• 17:12
  you
• 17:12
  set
• 17:13
  a
• 17:13
  boundary
• 17:13
  with
• 17:13
  them.
• 17:14
  You
• 17:14
  can
• 17:14
  decide
• 17:15
  what
• 17:16
  you
• 17:16
  need
• 17:16
  to
• 17:16
  have
• 17:17
  a
• 17:17
  good
• 17:17
  relationship
• 17:17
  with
• 17:18
  that
• 17:18
  person.
• 17:18
  And
• 17:18
  sometimes
• 17:19
  it's.
• 17:19
  It's
• 17:20
  compassion,
• 17:21
  and
• 17:21
  sometimes
• 17:21
  it's
• 17:21
  not.
• 17:22
  But
• 17:22
  I
• 17:23
  think
• 17:23
  it
• 17:23
  is
• 17:23
  kind
• 17:24
  of
• 17:24
  like
• 17:24
  what
• 17:25
  you
• 17:25
  choose
• 17:25
  to
• 17:25
  take
• 17:26
  with
• 17:26
  you
• 17:26
  in
• 17:26
  your
• 17:26
  life.
• 17:27
  Right.
• 17:28
  And
• 17:28
  it's.
• 17:28
  You
• 17:28
  know,
• 17:28
  we
• 17:28
  could
• 17:29
  get
• 17:29
  into
• 17:29
  a
• 17:29
  whole
• 17:29
  nother
• 17:29
  podcast
• 17:30
  episode
• 17:30
  on
• 17:30
  just
• 17:31
  forgiveness
• 17:31
  and
• 17:31
  all
• 17:31
  of
• 17:32
  that.
• 17:32
  But
• 17:33
  you
• 17:33
  said
• 17:33
  it
• 17:33
  perfectly
• 17:34
  before
• 17:34
  when
• 17:35
  you
• 17:35
  just
• 17:35
  said,
• 17:35
  you
• 17:35
  know,
• 17:38
  well,
• 17:38
  I
• 17:38
  don't
• 17:38
  even
• 17:38
  know
• 17:39
  how
• 17:39
  you
• 17:39
  said
• 17:39
  it,
• 17:39
  but
• 17:40
  you.
• 17:41
  You
• 17:41
  can't
• 17:41
  let
• 17:41
  that
• 17:41
  control
• 17:42
  you.
• 17:42
  That
• 17:43
  pain
• 17:43
  you're
• 17:43
  carrying,
• 17:44
  the
• 17:44
  pain.
• 17:44
  I
• 17:44
  mean,
• 17:44
  they're
• 17:45
  gone.
• 17:45
  Yep.
• 17:46
  So
• 17:46
  why
• 17:46
  would
• 17:46
  I
• 17:47
  continue
• 17:47
  to
• 17:47
  want
• 17:48
  to
• 17:48
  do
• 17:48
  that?
• 17:48
  And
• 17:49
  so
• 17:50
  looking
• 17:50
  at
• 17:50
  it
• 17:50
  and
• 17:50
  just
• 17:50
  being
• 17:51
  in
• 17:51
  now,
• 17:51
  I
• 17:51
  can
• 17:51
  tell
• 17:51
  stories,
• 17:52
  and
• 17:52
  some
• 17:52
  of
• 17:52
  them
• 17:52
  are
• 17:53
  horrific.
• 17:53
  Like,
• 17:53
  I.
• 17:53
  I
• 17:54
  kind
• 17:54
  of
• 17:54
  joke
• 17:54
  and.
• 17:55
  And
• 17:55
  I
• 17:55
  giggle
• 17:56
  now
• 17:56
  because
• 17:57
  30
• 17:57
  years
• 17:57
  ago,
• 17:57
  I
• 17:58
  would
• 17:58
  have
• 17:58
  been,
• 17:58
  like,
• 17:58
  suicidal
• 17:59
  telling
• 18:00
  a
• 18:00
  story.
• 18:00
  The
• 18:00
  same
• 18:00
  story.
• 18:01
  Now
• 18:01
  that
• 18:01
  I
• 18:01
  can
• 18:01
  say,
• 18:01
  oh,
• 18:02
  yeah,
• 18:02
  the.
• 18:02
  You
• 18:02
  know,
• 18:02
  the
• 18:02
  year
• 18:03
  my
• 18:03
  mom
• 18:03
  pimped
• 18:03
  me
• 18:03
  out
• 18:03
  to
• 18:04
  the
• 18:04
  drug
• 18:04
  dealers,
• 18:05
  you
• 18:05
  know,
• 18:05
  it's
• 18:05
  like,
• 18:05
  right.
• 18:06
  You
• 18:06
  just
• 18:06
  kind
• 18:07
  of.
• 18:07
  And
• 18:07
  now
• 18:07
  it's
• 18:07
  just
• 18:08
  like,
• 18:08
  oh,
• 18:08
  yeah,.
• 18:08
  It
• 18:09
  was
• 18:09
  just
• 18:09
  part
• 18:09
  of
• 18:09
  my
• 18:09
  journey.
• 18:10
  Yeah,
• 18:10
  part
• 18:10
  of
• 18:11
  my.
• 18:11
  Part
• 18:11
  of
• 18:11
  my
• 18:11
  journey.
• 18:12
  Exactly.
• 18:12
  And
• 18:13
  yeah.
• 18:13
  But
• 18:14
  so
• 18:14
  talk
• 18:14
  about
• 18:15
  what
• 18:15
  you
• 18:15
  did
• 18:15
  yourself,
• 18:16
  besides
• 18:17
  the
• 18:17
  a.
• 18:17
  You
• 18:18
  know,
• 18:18
  the
• 18:18
  Alan
• 18:19
  to
• 18:19
  really
• 18:21
  heal.
• 18:21
  Like,
• 18:22
  what
• 18:22
  were
• 18:22
  some
• 18:22
  of
• 18:22
  the
• 18:22
  things
• 18:23
  to
• 18:23
  let
• 18:23
  go
• 18:23
  of
• 18:23
  that
• 18:23
  shame.
• 18:24
  Talk
• 18:24
  a
• 18:24
  little
• 18:24
  bit
• 18:24
  about
• 18:25
  that.
• 18:26
  So
• 18:26
  much
• 18:27
  was
• 18:27
  grief,
• 18:27
  but
• 18:28
  it
• 18:28
  wasn't
• 18:28
  just
• 18:29
  grief
• 18:29
  that.
• 18:30
  And
• 18:30
  this
• 18:30
  is
• 18:30
  hard
• 18:30
  to
• 18:31
  explain
• 18:31
  to
• 18:31
  people
• 18:31
  who
• 18:31
  haven't
• 18:32
  lost
• 18:32
  a
• 18:32
  parent,
• 18:32
  but
• 18:33
  it's
• 18:33
  not
• 18:33
  just
• 18:33
  grief.
• 18:34
  For
• 18:35
  he's
• 18:35
  not
• 18:35
  in
• 18:35
  my
• 18:35
  life,
• 18:35
  and
• 18:36
  he's
• 18:36
  missing
• 18:36
  now
• 18:37
  all
• 18:37
  of
• 18:37
  my
• 18:37
  life.
• 18:38
  My
• 18:38
  daughter,
• 18:38
  my
• 18:38
  family,
• 18:39
  my
• 18:39
  wedding,
• 18:39
  my
• 18:39
  house,
• 18:40
  all
• 18:40
  these
• 18:40
  things.
• 18:41
  It's.
• 18:41
  I
• 18:41
  am
• 18:42
  always
• 18:42
  grieving
• 18:43
  the
• 18:43
  childhood
• 18:44
  that
• 18:44
  I
• 18:44
  never
• 18:44
  had.
• 18:45
  I
• 18:45
  am
• 18:45
  always
• 18:46
  grieving
• 18:46
  the
• 18:46
  person
• 18:47
  who
• 18:47
  wasn't
• 18:47
  there.
• 18:48
  He
• 18:48
  was
• 18:49
  a
• 18:49
  shadow
• 18:49
  version
• 18:50
  of
• 18:50
  himself
• 18:51
  because
• 18:52
  of
• 18:52
  the
• 18:52
  alcohol.
• 18:53
  And
• 18:53
  I
• 18:54
  think
• 18:54
  that
• 18:55
  sometimes
• 18:55
  I
• 18:56
  have
• 18:56
  to
• 18:56
  check
• 18:57
  in
• 18:57
  and
• 18:57
  think,
• 18:57
  what
• 18:58
  am
• 18:58
  I
• 18:58
  grieving?
• 18:59
  Am
• 18:59
  I
• 18:59
  grieving?
• 19:00
  Like,
• 19:00
  oh,
• 19:01
  our
• 19:01
  house
• 19:01
  is.
• 19:02
  Things
• 19:02
  are
• 19:02
  falling
• 19:02
  apart.
• 19:03
  And
• 19:03
  I
• 19:03
  say
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  my
• 19:03
  husband
• 19:04
  all
• 19:04
  the
• 19:04
  time,
• 19:04
  my
• 19:04
  dad
• 19:04
  could
• 19:05
  have
• 19:05
  fixed
• 19:05
  that.
• 19:05
  My
• 19:05
  dad
• 19:05
  could
• 19:06
  have
• 19:06
  done
• 19:06
  that.
• 19:06
  I
• 19:06
  miss
• 19:07
  those
• 19:07
  times.
• 19:08
  But
• 19:08
  then
• 19:08
  sometimes
• 19:09
  I
• 19:09
  look
• 19:09
  at
• 19:10
  even
• 19:10
  my
• 19:10
  husband
• 19:10
  and
• 19:11
  my
• 19:11
  daughter,
• 19:11
  and
• 19:12
  I
• 19:12
  get
• 19:12
  really
• 19:12
  deeply
• 19:13
  sad
• 19:13
  because
• 19:14
  I'm
• 19:14
  like,
• 19:15
  she
• 19:15
  is
• 19:15
  never
• 19:16
  gonna
• 19:16
  have
• 19:16
  to
• 19:16
  feel
• 19:16
  it's
• 19:17
  happy
• 19:17
  because
• 19:17
  she
• 19:18
  won't
• 19:18
  ever
• 19:18
  have
• 19:18
  to
• 19:18
  feel
• 19:19
  what
• 19:19
  I
• 19:19
  felt.
• 19:20
  But
• 19:20
  it's
• 19:20
  a
• 19:20
  little
• 19:20
  bit
• 19:20
  sad
• 19:21
  for
• 19:21
  my
• 19:21
  own
• 19:21
  inner
• 19:22
  child.
• 19:23
  So
• 19:23
  I
• 19:23
  think,
• 19:23
  like,
• 19:24
  naming
• 19:24
  the
• 19:24
  grief,
• 19:25
  but
• 19:25
  also
• 19:25
  like,
• 19:26
  knowing
• 19:26
  it's
• 19:27
  complicated
• 19:27
  grief.
• 19:28
  It's
• 19:28
  not
• 19:29
  so
• 19:29
  black
• 19:29
  and
• 19:29
  white,
• 19:29
  like
• 19:30
  this
• 19:30
  person
• 19:30
  was
• 19:31
  on
• 19:31
  a
• 19:31
  pedestal
• 19:32
  and
• 19:32
  now
• 19:32
  they're
• 19:32
  gone.
• 19:33
  It's
• 19:33
  like
• 19:33
  I'm
• 19:34
  grieving
• 19:34
  the
• 19:34
  past,
• 19:35
  always
• 19:35
  in
• 19:35
  the
• 19:36
  present.
• 19:36
  Not
• 19:37
  always,
• 19:37
  but,
• 19:37
  you
• 19:37
  know,
• 19:38
  it
• 19:38
  comes
• 19:38
  and
• 19:38
  goes
• 19:38
  in
• 19:39
  waves,
• 19:39
  I'd
• 19:39
  say.
• 19:39
  Right.
• 19:40
  And
• 19:41
  becoming
• 19:41
  a
• 19:41
  mom
• 19:41
  has
• 19:42
  just
• 19:42
  like
• 19:42
  cracked
• 19:43
  that
• 19:43
  wide
• 19:43
  open.
• 19:45
  So
• 19:45
  that's
• 19:45
  a
• 19:46
  piece
• 19:46
  of
• 19:46
  it.
• 19:46
  Just
• 19:46
  like
• 19:46
  acknowledging
• 19:47
  the
• 19:47
  grief.
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  think
• 19:48
  one
• 19:49
  thing
• 19:49
  I
• 19:49
  talk
• 19:49
  about
• 19:49
  in
• 19:50
  my
• 19:50
  book
• 19:50
  that
• 19:51
  has
• 19:51
  also
• 19:51
  been
• 19:52
  a
• 19:52
  real
• 19:52
  through
• 19:52
  line
• 19:52
  for
• 19:53
  me
• 19:53
  is
• 19:53
  self
• 19:53
  regulation.
• 19:55
  Um,
• 19:55
  not
• 19:55
  just
• 19:56
  on
• 19:56
  a
• 19:56
  nervous
• 19:56
  system
• 19:57
  level,
• 19:57
  like
• 19:58
  stopping,
• 19:58
  slowing
• 19:59
  down,
• 19:59
  checking
• 20:00
  in,
• 20:00
  like
• 20:00
  the
• 20:00
  basic
• 20:00
  things
• 20:01
  you
• 20:01
  read
• 20:01
  on
• 20:01
  Instagram,
• 20:02
  but
• 20:02
  also,
• 20:03
  like,
• 20:04
  if
• 20:04
  I
• 20:04
  want
• 20:04
  to
• 20:05
  connect
• 20:05
  with
• 20:05
  people,
• 20:05
  I
• 20:06
  have
• 20:06
  to
• 20:06
  be
• 20:06
  regulated.
• 20:07
  I
• 20:07
  cannot
• 20:08
  have
• 20:09
  an
• 20:09
  attitude,
• 20:09
  be
• 20:10
  flustered,
• 20:11
  say
• 20:11
  the
• 20:11
  first
• 20:11
  thing
• 20:12
  on
• 20:12
  my
• 20:12
  mind,
• 20:12
  and
• 20:13
  expect
• 20:13
  to
• 20:13
  be
• 20:13
  well
• 20:14
  received
• 20:14
  by
• 20:14
  anybody,
• 20:15
  by
• 20:15
  my
• 20:15
  clients,
• 20:16
  by
• 20:16
  my
• 20:16
  husband,
• 20:16
  by
• 20:17
  my
• 20:17
  mom,
• 20:17
  by
• 20:17
  my
• 20:18
  friends.
• 20:18
  Like,
• 20:19
  that's
• 20:19
  just
• 20:19
  simply
• 20:19
  not
• 20:20
  effective.
• 20:21
  So
• 20:21
  it's
• 20:21
  like
• 20:22
  self
• 20:22
  regulation
• 20:23
  when
• 20:23
  you
• 20:23
  communicate,
• 20:24
  when
• 20:24
  you
• 20:24
  have
• 20:24
  boundaries,
• 20:26
  when
• 20:26
  even
• 20:26
  just
• 20:27
  like,
• 20:28
  what
• 20:28
  do
• 20:28
  I
• 20:28
  need
• 20:29
  in
• 20:29
  a
• 20:29
  given
• 20:30
  day
• 20:30
  or
• 20:30
  weekend?
• 20:32
  Some
• 20:33
  of
• 20:33
  it's
• 20:33
  executive
• 20:34
  functioning,
• 20:34
  like
• 20:34
  planning
• 20:35
  ahead.
• 20:36
  Don't
• 20:36
  wait
• 20:37
  until
• 20:37
  you're
• 20:37
  in
• 20:37
  a
• 20:37
  crisis
• 20:38
  to
• 20:38
  use
• 20:38
  all
• 20:38
  your
• 20:38
  coping
• 20:39
  skills.
• 20:40
  But
• 20:40
  I
• 20:40
  think
• 20:41
  if
• 20:41
  I
• 20:41
  had
• 20:41
  to
• 20:41
  put
• 20:42
  it
• 20:42
  in
• 20:42
  a
• 20:42
  nutshell,
• 20:42
  it
• 20:42
  would
• 20:42
  be
• 20:43
  like
• 20:43
  grief
• 20:44
  work.
• 20:44
  And
• 20:44
  self
• 20:44
  regulation
• 20:45
  work
• 20:45
  for
• 20:45
  sure
• 20:46
  has
• 20:46
  helped
• 20:46
  me.
• 20:47
  Yep.
• 20:48
  That's.
• 20:48
  I
• 20:49
  mean,
• 20:49
  I.
• 20:49
  You
• 20:50
  were
• 20:50
  talking
• 20:50
  about
• 20:50
  that
• 20:50
  Instagram
• 20:51
  thing.
• 20:51
  I'm
• 20:51
  actually
• 20:51
  doing
• 20:52
  a
• 20:52
  thing
• 20:52
  right
• 20:52
  now.
• 20:52
  It's
• 20:53
  a
• 20:53
  30
• 20:53
  day
• 20:53
  nervous
• 20:54
  system
• 20:54
  reset
• 20:55
  on
• 20:55
  Instagram.
• 20:56
  But
• 20:57
  it's.
• 20:57
  It's
• 20:58
  more
• 20:58
  than
• 20:58
  just
• 20:58
  the
• 20:58
  nervous
• 20:59
  system.
• 20:59
  Like
• 20:59
  we
• 21:00
  said
• 21:00
  that
• 21:00
  just
• 21:01
  now
• 21:01
  with
• 21:01
  the
• 21:01
  regulation.
• 21:02
  Like
• 21:02
  today
• 21:02
  I
• 21:02
  talked
• 21:03
  about
• 21:03
  when
• 21:03
  you
• 21:04
  get
• 21:04
  triggered,
• 21:05
  pause
• 21:05
  and
• 21:06
  ask
• 21:06
  yourself,
• 21:07
  is
• 21:07
  there
• 21:07
  a
• 21:07
  threat
• 21:07
  right
• 21:08
  now?
• 21:09
  Yes.
• 21:09
  Or
• 21:10
  is
• 21:10
  this
• 21:10
  something
• 21:10
  from
• 21:11
  the
• 21:11
  past?
• 21:11
  And,
• 21:12
  you
• 21:12
  know,
• 21:12
  move
• 21:12
  yourself
• 21:13
  from
• 21:13
  this
• 21:13
  part
• 21:13
  of
• 21:13
  your
• 21:13
  brain,
• 21:14
  you
• 21:14
  know,
• 21:14
  from
• 21:14
  the
• 21:14
  amygdala,
• 21:15
  move
• 21:15
  it
• 21:15
  to
• 21:16
  the,
• 21:16
  the
• 21:16
  logical
• 21:17
  processing
• 21:18
  part
• 21:18
  of
• 21:18
  your
• 21:18
  brain.
• 21:19
  So,
• 21:19
  I
• 21:19
  mean,
• 21:20
  it's
• 21:20
  funny
• 21:20
  too,
• 21:20
  because
• 21:22
  in.
• 21:22
  When
• 21:22
  going
• 21:22
  through
• 21:23
  all
• 21:23
  of
• 21:23
  my
• 21:23
  stuff,
• 21:23
  it
• 21:24
  was
• 21:24
  very,
• 21:25
  I
• 21:26
  want
• 21:26
  to
• 21:26
  say,
• 21:26
  helpful
• 21:27
  to
• 21:28
  read
• 21:28
  about
• 21:28
  the
• 21:28
  science
• 21:29
  behind
• 21:29
  what
• 21:29
  happens
• 21:30
  to
• 21:30
  children
• 21:30
  that
• 21:31
  go
• 21:31
  through
• 21:31
  trauma.
• 21:33
  That
• 21:33
  to
• 21:33
  me,
• 21:34
  helped
• 21:34
  me
• 21:35
  let
• 21:35
  go
• 21:35
  a
• 21:35
  lot
• 21:35
  of
• 21:35
  the
• 21:36
  shame.
• 21:36
  Because
• 21:36
  even
• 21:37
  though
• 21:37
  you
• 21:37
  can
• 21:38
  say
• 21:38
  all
• 21:38
  day
• 21:38
  long,
• 21:39
  none
• 21:39
  of
• 21:39
  this
• 21:39
  was
• 21:39
  my
• 21:39
  fault,
• 21:40
  I
• 21:40
  didn't
• 21:40
  do
• 21:40
  this.
• 21:41
  It
• 21:41
  doesn't
• 21:41
  matter
• 21:42
  what
• 21:42
  was
• 21:42
  wired
• 21:42
  as
• 21:43
  a
• 21:43
  child
• 21:43
  when
• 21:43
  Your
• 21:43
  parents
• 21:44
  told
• 21:44
  you
• 21:45
  I
• 21:45
  drink
• 21:46
  because
• 21:46
  I
• 21:47
  don't
• 21:47
  have
• 21:47
  a
• 21:47
  life
• 21:47
  now
• 21:48
  because
• 21:48
  you
• 21:48
  were
• 21:48
  born.
• 21:51
  You
• 21:52
  know,
• 21:52
  even
• 21:52
  if
• 21:52
  it's
• 21:52
  in
• 21:53
  jest,
• 21:53
  right?
• 21:53
  Even
• 21:54
  if
• 21:54
  it's
• 21:54
  joking,
• 21:55
  even
• 21:55
  if
• 21:55
  it's
• 21:55
  said
• 21:55
  lightly
• 21:56
  and
• 21:56
  you
• 21:56
  know
• 21:57
  it's
• 21:57
  a
• 21:57
  joke,
• 21:57
  something
• 21:58
  like
• 21:58
  that
• 21:58
  will
• 21:58
  stick
• 21:59
  with
• 21:59
  you.
• 21:59
  Absolutely.
• 22:01
  Yeah.
• 22:01
  I
• 22:01
  mean,
• 22:01
  I
• 22:02
  talk
• 22:02
  about.
• 22:02
  Sometimes
• 22:02
  in
• 22:03
  my
• 22:03
  talks,
• 22:03
  I
• 22:03
  talk
• 22:03
  about
• 22:04
  the
• 22:04
  mom
• 22:04
  that's
• 22:05
  leaning
• 22:05
  over
• 22:05
  the.
• 22:06
  The
• 22:06
  bed
• 22:06
  and
• 22:06
  grandma
• 22:07
  and
• 22:07
  grandpa
• 22:07
  and
• 22:08
  everybody's
• 22:08
  oohing
• 22:08
  and
• 22:09
  eying,
• 22:09
  and
• 22:10
  you're
• 22:10
  going
• 22:10
  to
• 22:10
  be
• 22:10
  the
• 22:10
  president.
• 22:11
  You're
• 22:11
  going
• 22:11
  to
• 22:11
  do
• 22:11
  this,
• 22:11
  you're
• 22:12
  going
• 22:12
  to
• 22:12
  do
• 22:12
  that.
• 22:12
  You
• 22:12
  know,
• 22:12
  you
• 22:13
  picture
• 22:13
  those
• 22:13
  parents
• 22:13
  over
• 22:14
  that
• 22:14
  crib.
• 22:14
  And
• 22:14
  then
• 22:14
  you
• 22:15
  picture
• 22:15
  my
• 22:15
  mom
• 22:15
  over
• 22:16
  my
• 22:16
  crib.
• 22:16
  Like,
• 22:16
  damn
• 22:17
  it,
• 22:17
  why
• 22:17
  were
• 22:17
  you
• 22:17
  born,
• 22:18
  like,
• 22:18
  every
• 22:18
  single
• 22:19
  day?
• 22:19
  That
• 22:20
  gets
• 22:21
  so
• 22:21
  deeply
• 22:21
  in
• 22:21
  there.
• 22:22
  That's
• 22:22
  why
• 22:22
  I
• 22:22
  said,
• 22:23
  you
• 22:23
  know,
• 22:23
  you
• 22:23
  can.
• 22:24
  That's
• 22:24
  why
• 22:24
  I
• 22:24
  do.
• 22:25
  I
• 22:25
  think
• 22:25
  a
• 22:25
  lot
• 22:25
  of
• 22:25
  the
• 22:25
  nervous
• 22:26
  system
• 22:26
  work,
• 22:26
  though,
• 22:27
  because
• 22:28
  I
• 22:28
  feel
• 22:28
  like
• 22:28
  those
• 22:29
  true
• 22:30
  core
• 22:31
  angers
• 22:32
  and,
• 22:32
  and
• 22:32
  sadness
• 22:33
  is.
• 22:33
  It
• 22:34
  gets
• 22:34
  in
• 22:34
  your
• 22:34
  tissues.
• 22:35
  It
• 22:36
  does,
• 22:36
  it
• 22:36
  does.
• 22:37
  And
• 22:37
  when
• 22:37
  you
• 22:38
  learn,
• 22:38
  like,
• 22:38
  the
• 22:39
  perfect
• 22:39
  example
• 22:39
  of,
• 22:40
  like,
• 22:40
  I'm
• 22:40
  not
• 22:40
  being
• 22:40
  chased
• 22:41
  by
• 22:41
  a
• 22:41
  bear,
• 22:41
  there's
• 22:41
  no
• 22:42
  threat.
• 22:42
  Like,
• 22:42
  everything's
• 22:43
  fine.
• 22:43
  When
• 22:44
  you
• 22:44
  learn
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  spot
• 22:44
  that
• 22:45
  in
• 22:45
  your
• 22:45
  body,
• 22:45
  like,
• 22:46
  for
• 22:46
  me,
• 22:46
  it's
• 22:46
  usually
• 22:46
  in
• 22:47
  my
• 22:47
  shoulders
• 22:47
  or
• 22:48
  like
• 22:48
  my,
• 22:48
  my
• 22:48
  hands.
• 22:49
  If
• 22:50
  you
• 22:50
  even
• 22:50
  just
• 22:50
  do
• 22:51
  that
• 22:51
  first,
• 22:52
  then
• 22:52
  your
• 22:52
  brain
• 22:52
  is
• 22:53
  like,
• 22:53
  oh,
• 22:53
  okay.
• 22:54
  Like,
• 22:54
  we're.
• 22:54
  Like,
• 22:54
  if
• 22:55
  you're
• 22:55
  relaxing
• 22:55
  your
• 22:56
  body,
• 22:56
  we
• 22:56
  must
• 22:56
  be
• 22:56
  fine.
• 22:57
  Yeah.
• 22:58
  And
• 22:58
  it,
• 22:58
  it
• 22:59
  all
• 22:59
  goes
• 22:59
  back
• 22:59
  to
• 23:00
  yeah.
• 23:00
  Like,
• 23:00
  those
• 23:01
  moments
• 23:01
  get
• 23:01
  coded
• 23:02
  because
• 23:03
  then
• 23:03
  you
• 23:03
  have
• 23:03
  to
• 23:05
  come
• 23:05
  up
• 23:05
  with
• 23:05
  a
• 23:05
  survival
• 23:06
  tactic
• 23:07
  or
• 23:07
  an
• 23:07
  adaptation
• 23:08
  tactic
• 23:08
  to
• 23:08
  get
• 23:09
  through
• 23:09
  life,
• 23:09
  because
• 23:10
  that
• 23:11
  is
• 23:11
  the
• 23:11
  image
• 23:11
  you
• 23:11
  have
• 23:12
  is
• 23:12
  a
• 23:12
  negative
• 23:12
  critic
• 23:13
  in
• 23:13
  your
• 23:13
  head
• 23:13
  about
• 23:14
  something.
• 23:14
  So
• 23:15
  what
• 23:16
  do
• 23:16
  you
• 23:16
  do
• 23:16
  in
• 23:16
  response
• 23:17
  to
• 23:17
  that?
• 23:17
  You
• 23:17
  become.
• 23:18
  Some
• 23:18
  people
• 23:18
  become
• 23:19
  perfectionists.
• 23:19
  Some
• 23:19
  people
• 23:20
  become
• 23:20
  people
• 23:20
  pleasers.
• 23:21
  Some
• 23:21
  people
• 23:21
  are
• 23:22
  just
• 23:22
  anxious
• 23:22
  all
• 23:23
  the
• 23:23
  time
• 23:23
  about
• 23:23
  everything.
• 23:24
  Some
• 23:25
  people
• 23:25
  get
• 23:25
  depressed
• 23:26
  because
• 23:26
  they're
• 23:26
  like,
• 23:26
  what's
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  point
• 23:27
  in
• 23:27
  leaving
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  house?
• 23:28
  And
• 23:28
  that's
• 23:29
  all.
• 23:30
  It's
• 23:30
  so
• 23:31
  hard
• 23:31
  to
• 23:31
  see
• 23:31
  it
• 23:31
  this
• 23:31
  way
• 23:32
  when
• 23:32
  you're
• 23:32
  in
• 23:32
  it.
• 23:32
  But
• 23:33
  on
• 23:33
  the
• 23:33
  other
• 23:33
  side,
• 23:34
  it's
• 23:34
  like,
• 23:34
  those
• 23:35
  were
• 23:35
  all
• 23:35
  ways
• 23:35
  to
• 23:36
  try
• 23:36
  to
• 23:36
  protect
• 23:36
  me.
• 23:37
  If
• 23:37
  I'm
• 23:37
  perfect,
• 23:38
  no
• 23:38
  one
• 23:38
  will
• 23:39
  criticize
• 23:39
  me.
• 23:39
  Right?
• 23:40
  Like,
• 23:40
  and
• 23:41
  I
• 23:41
  talk
• 23:41
  a
• 23:41
  lot
• 23:41
  about
• 23:42
  that
• 23:42
  too,
• 23:42
  just
• 23:42
  even
• 23:43
  in
• 23:43
  my
• 23:43
  work
• 23:43
  on
• 23:43
  a
• 23:43
  regular
• 23:44
  basis.
• 23:44
  But,
• 23:44
  like,
• 23:45
  how
• 23:45
  is
• 23:45
  this
• 23:46
  serving
• 23:46
  you?
• 23:46
  And.
• 23:47
  But
• 23:47
  are
• 23:47
  you
• 23:47
  taking
• 23:48
  it
• 23:48
  to
• 23:48
  the
• 23:48
  nth
• 23:48
  degree?
• 23:49
  And
• 23:49
  it's
• 23:49
  like
• 23:49
  not
• 23:50
  serving
• 23:51
  you
• 23:51
  anymore.
• 23:51
  Like,
• 23:52
  bring
• 23:52
  it
• 23:52
  back
• 23:53
  down
• 23:53
  to
• 23:53
  a
• 23:53
  reasonable.
• 23:55
  I
• 23:55
  mean,
• 23:55
  there's
• 23:55
  no
• 23:55
  reasonable
• 23:56
  perfectionist
• 23:56
  level,
• 23:56
  but,
• 23:57
  like,
• 23:58
  reasonable
• 23:59
  striving
• 23:59
  to
• 24:00
  be
• 24:00
  good
• 24:00
  level.
• 24:01
  Right.
• 24:01
  And
• 24:01
  I
• 24:02
  always
• 24:02
  tell
• 24:02
  my
• 24:02
  clients,
• 24:03
  you
• 24:03
  know,
• 24:04
  whatever,
• 24:05
  when
• 24:05
  that
• 24:05
  little
• 24:06
  guy
• 24:06
  sits
• 24:06
  on
• 24:06
  your
• 24:06
  shoulder
• 24:07
  and
• 24:07
  tells
• 24:07
  you
• 24:07
  you're
• 24:07
  bad
• 24:08
  or
• 24:08
  you're
• 24:08
  stupid
• 24:08
  or
• 24:08
  you're
• 24:08
  ugly
• 24:09
  or
• 24:09
  you
• 24:09
  can't
• 24:09
  do
• 24:09
  this
• 24:10
  good
• 24:10
  enough,
• 24:10
  I
• 24:11
  always
• 24:11
  say,
• 24:11
  sit
• 24:12
  next
• 24:12
  to
• 24:12
  your,
• 24:12
  your
• 24:13
  best
• 24:13
  friend.
• 24:13
  In
• 24:13
  your
• 24:13
  mind,
• 24:14
  sit
• 24:14
  next
• 24:14
  to
• 24:14
  your
• 24:14
  best
• 24:15
  friend,
• 24:15
  your
• 24:15
  daughter,
• 24:15
  your
• 24:16
  somebody
• 24:16
  that
• 24:16
  you
• 24:17
  love
• 24:17
  and
• 24:17
  care
• 24:17
  about.
• 24:17
  And
• 24:18
  what
• 24:18
  would
• 24:19
  you
• 24:19
  think
• 24:19
  of
• 24:19
  that
• 24:20
  voice
• 24:20
  saying
• 24:20
  that
• 24:20
  to
• 24:21
  her?
• 24:21
  Or,
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  know,
• 24:22
  put
• 24:22
  yourself,
• 24:23
  like,
• 24:24
  put,
• 24:24
  put
• 24:25
  your,
• 24:25
  I
• 24:25
  guess
• 24:25
  set
• 24:25
  your
• 24:26
  standards
• 24:26
  for
• 24:26
  your
• 24:27
  own,
• 24:27
  for
• 24:27
  yourself
• 24:28
  as
• 24:28
  you
• 24:28
  would
• 24:29
  for
• 24:29
  your
• 24:29
  best
• 24:29
  friend.
• 24:30
  Because
• 24:30
  that's
• 24:31
  where
• 24:31
  that
• 24:31
  perfection
• 24:31
  and
• 24:32
  we
• 24:32
  set,
• 24:32
  we
• 24:33
  set
• 24:33
  the
• 24:33
  standards
• 24:34
  so
• 24:34
  high
• 24:34
  for
• 24:34
  ourselves.
• 24:35
  Where
• 24:36
  I
• 24:36
  did
• 24:36
  something
• 24:37
  and
• 24:37
  I
• 24:37
  said,
• 24:37
  oh
• 24:37
  my
• 24:37
  God,
• 24:38
  that
• 24:38
  sucks.
• 24:38
  If
• 24:39
  my
• 24:39
  daughter
• 24:39
  had
• 24:40
  come
• 24:40
  back
• 24:40
  with
• 24:40
  that
• 24:41
  same
• 24:41
  thing,
• 24:41
  even
• 24:42
  at
• 24:42
  25
• 24:42
  years
• 24:43
  old,
• 24:43
  I
• 24:43
  would
• 24:43
  have
• 24:43
  been
• 24:44
  like,
• 24:44
  oh
• 24:44
  my
• 24:44
  gosh,
• 24:44
  that's
• 24:44
  amazing.
• 24:45
  Maybe
• 24:45
  not
• 24:46
  your
• 24:46
  best
• 24:46
  work,
• 24:46
  but
• 24:46
  absolutely
• 24:47
  amazing.
• 24:48
  Yes,
• 24:49
  yes.
• 24:49
  And
• 24:49
  we
• 24:49
  can,
• 24:50
  we
• 24:50
  have
• 24:51
  the
• 24:52
  same
• 24:52
  goes
• 24:52
  for
• 24:52
  when
• 24:53
  you're
• 24:53
  anxious
• 24:53
  about
• 24:53
  something.
• 24:54
  Like
• 24:54
  you
• 24:55
  would
• 24:55
  tell
• 24:55
  a
• 24:56
  little
• 24:56
  child,
• 24:57
  that's
• 24:57
  okay,
• 24:57
  we're
• 24:58
  gonna
• 24:58
  figure
• 24:58
  that
• 24:58
  out.
• 24:59
  It's
• 24:59
  gonna
• 24:59
  be
• 25:00
  okay.
• 25:00
  Like,
• 25:01
  we'll
• 25:01
  just
• 25:01
  do
• 25:01
  the
• 25:01
  next
• 25:02
  thing
• 25:02
  and
• 25:02
  then
• 25:02
  we'll
• 25:02
  go
• 25:02
  from
• 25:02
  there.
• 25:03
  You.
• 25:03
  We
• 25:03
  can't
• 25:04
  say
• 25:04
  that
• 25:04
  to
• 25:04
  ourselves
• 25:05
  when
• 25:05
  we're
• 25:05
  dysregulated.
• 25:06
  So
• 25:06
  it
• 25:07
  is
• 25:07
  a
• 25:07
  really
• 25:07
  good
• 25:08
  practice.
• 25:08
  Like,
• 25:09
  how
• 25:09
  would
• 25:09
  you
• 25:09
  talk
• 25:10
  to
• 25:10
  a
• 25:10
  child
• 25:11
  or
• 25:11
  your,
• 25:11
  your
• 25:12
  child?
• 25:13
  Yep.
• 25:13
  And
• 25:14
  that's
• 25:14
  the
• 25:14
  easiest
• 25:14
  thing
• 25:14
  for
• 25:15
  me
• 25:15
  to
• 25:15
  do
• 25:15
  because
• 25:15
  sometimes
• 25:16
  you,
• 25:16
  it's
• 25:16
  like
• 25:17
  you
• 25:17
  can't
• 25:17
  turn
• 25:17
  it
• 25:17
  around
• 25:18
  and
• 25:18
  look
• 25:18
  at
• 25:18
  yourself
• 25:19
  because
• 25:19
  so
• 25:20
  many
• 25:20
  people,
• 25:20
  honestly,
• 25:21
  I
• 25:21
  mean,
• 25:21
  and
• 25:21
  I
• 25:21
  did
• 25:21
  myself,
• 25:22
  I
• 25:22
  had
• 25:22
  so
• 25:22
  much
• 25:23
  self
• 25:23
  loathing
• 25:24
  as
• 25:24
  just
• 25:25
  not,
• 25:25
  you
• 25:26
  know,
• 25:26
  I
• 25:26
  was
• 25:26
  never
• 25:26
  enough.
• 25:27
  I
• 25:27
  never
• 25:27
  did
• 25:27
  this.
• 25:28
  But
• 25:28
  I
• 25:29
  remember
• 25:29
  like
• 25:29
  they
• 25:30
  talk
• 25:30
  about,
• 25:30
  you
• 25:30
  know,
• 25:30
  take
• 25:30
  a
• 25:31
  little
• 25:31
  picture
• 25:31
  of
• 25:31
  your
• 25:31
  baby
• 25:32
  self
• 25:32
  and
• 25:32
  put
• 25:32
  it
• 25:32
  on
• 25:32
  the
• 25:32
  mirror
• 25:33
  and
• 25:33
  tell
• 25:33
  it
• 25:33
  you
• 25:33
  love
• 25:34
  it.
• 25:34
  I
• 25:34
  hated
• 25:35
  that
• 25:35
  little
• 25:35
  thing
• 25:35
  for
• 25:36
  a
• 25:36
  while.
• 25:37
  Yep.
• 25:38
  I
• 25:38
  mean,
• 25:38
  I
• 25:38
  literally
• 25:39
  was
• 25:39
  like,
• 25:39
  you
• 25:39
  were
• 25:40
  weak.
• 25:41
  You
• 25:41
  should
• 25:41
  have
• 25:42
  said
• 25:42
  this,
• 25:42
  you
• 25:42
  should
• 25:42
  have
• 25:43
  done
• 25:43
  this.
• 25:43
  Like,
• 25:44
  you
• 25:44
  know,
• 25:45
  you
• 25:45
  should
• 25:45
  have
• 25:45
  been
• 25:45
  better.
• 25:46
  I
• 25:46
  mean,
• 25:46
  really,
• 25:47
  for
• 25:47
  a
• 25:47
  long
• 25:47
  time.
• 25:48
  And
• 25:48
  then
• 25:48
  it's
• 25:48
  like
• 25:49
  all
• 25:49
  of
• 25:49
  a
• 25:49
  sudden
• 25:49
  it's
• 25:49
  like
• 25:50
  you
• 25:50
  keep
• 25:50
  doing
• 25:50
  it
• 25:50
  and
• 25:50
  you
• 25:50
  go,
• 25:51
  one
• 25:51
  morning
• 25:51
  you
• 25:52
  wake
• 25:52
  up
• 25:52
  and
• 25:52
  you
• 25:52
  go,
• 25:52
  oh,
• 25:53
  look
• 25:53
  at
• 25:54
  her
• 25:54
  little
• 25:54
  eyes.
• 25:55
  She
• 25:55
  was
• 25:55
  sad.
• 25:56
  You're
• 25:57
  not
• 25:57
  living
• 25:57
  in
• 25:57
  her
• 25:58
  reality
• 25:58
  anymore.
• 25:59
  Thank
• 25:59
  God.
• 26:00
  That's
• 26:00
  not
• 26:01
  your
• 26:01
  life.
• 26:01
  That's
• 26:02
  not
• 26:02
  your
• 26:02
  day
• 26:02
  to
• 26:02
  day
• 26:03
  nervous
• 26:03
  system
• 26:03
  experience.
• 26:04
  Being
• 26:04
  around
• 26:05
  those,
• 26:06
  you
• 26:06
  know,
• 26:06
  parents
• 26:07
  and
• 26:07
  those
• 26:07
  behaviors.
• 26:07
  And
• 26:08
  you
• 26:08
  can
• 26:08
  say
• 26:08
  like,
• 26:08
  oh,
• 26:09
  yeah,
• 26:09
  that
• 26:09
  really
• 26:09
  wasn't
• 26:09
  your
• 26:10
  fault
• 26:10
  at
• 26:10
  all.
• 26:10
  Like,
• 26:11
  if
• 26:12
  anything,
• 26:12
  you
• 26:12
  were
• 26:12
  to
• 26:12
  be
• 26:13
  cherished
• 26:13
  and
• 26:14
  protected.
• 26:15
  Like
• 26:16
  Right.
• 26:17
  And
• 26:17
  wanting
• 26:17
  to
• 26:17
  spend
• 26:18
  time
• 26:18
  with.
• 26:18
  With
• 26:19
  that.
• 26:19
  Yeah,
• 26:19
  I
• 26:19
  think
• 26:19
  I.
• 26:20
  That
• 26:21
  was
• 26:21
  a
• 26:21
  hard
• 26:21
  thing
• 26:21
  with
• 26:21
  my
• 26:22
  dad.
• 26:22
  Just
• 26:22
  as
• 26:22
  you're
• 26:22
  saying
• 26:23
  that,
• 26:23
  like
• 26:23
  with
• 26:23
  family
• 26:24
  vacations
• 26:25
  and
• 26:26
  involvement
• 26:27
  in
• 26:27
  the
• 26:27
  family,
• 26:28
  he
• 26:28
  was
• 26:29
  checked
• 26:29
  out.
• 26:30
  Like,
• 26:30
  didn't
• 26:31
  come
• 26:31
  on
• 26:31
  family
• 26:31
  vacations,
• 26:32
  didn't
• 26:32
  come
• 26:32
  to
• 26:33
  Thanksgiving
• 26:33
  on
• 26:33
  my
• 26:34
  mom's
• 26:34
  side.
• 26:35
  Said
• 26:35
  he
• 26:36
  had
• 26:36
  to
• 26:36
  work,
• 26:36
  which
• 26:36
  I
• 26:37
  also
• 26:37
  think
• 26:37
  he
• 26:37
  had
• 26:37
  like
• 26:37
  a
• 26:37
  workaholism
• 26:39
  thing
• 26:39
  that
• 26:39
  went
• 26:39
  in
• 26:40
  tandem
• 26:40
  with
• 26:40
  drinking,
• 26:41
  but.
• 26:41
  Right.
• 26:41
  That
• 26:42
  was
• 26:42
  always
• 26:42
  really
• 26:42
  hard
• 26:43
  because
• 26:43
  it
• 26:43
  was
• 26:43
  like,
• 26:43
  why
• 26:44
  can't
• 26:44
  you
• 26:44
  put
• 26:45
  first.
• 26:46
  Why
• 26:46
  can't
• 26:46
  you
• 26:46
  put
• 26:47
  whatever
• 26:47
  is
• 26:47
  going
• 26:47
  on
• 26:48
  in
• 26:48
  your
• 26:48
  mental
• 26:49
  health
• 26:49
  aside
• 26:50
  to
• 26:50
  just
• 26:50
  come
• 26:51
  on
• 26:51
  the
• 26:51
  vacation?
• 26:52
  Like,
• 26:52
  what
• 26:52
  is
• 26:52
  so
• 26:53
  hard
• 26:53
  about
• 26:53
  that?
• 26:54
  And,
• 26:55
  you
• 26:55
  know,
• 26:56
  I
• 26:56
  would
• 26:56
  look
• 26:56
  back
• 26:56
  on
• 26:56
  pictures
• 26:57
  and
• 26:57
  be
• 26:57
  like,
• 26:58
  he
• 26:58
  didn't
• 26:58
  want
• 26:58
  to
• 26:58
  spend
• 26:58
  time
• 26:59
  with
• 26:59
  me
• 26:59
  for
• 26:59
  some
• 26:59
  reason.
• 27:00
  And
• 27:01
  it's
• 27:01
  like,
• 27:01
  oh,
• 27:02
  no,
• 27:02
  he
• 27:02
  didn't
• 27:02
  want
• 27:02
  to
• 27:02
  spend
• 27:03
  time
• 27:03
  with
• 27:03
  anyone.
• 27:03
  He
• 27:03
  didn't
• 27:03
  even
• 27:04
  want
• 27:04
  to
• 27:04
  spend
• 27:04
  time
• 27:04
  with
• 27:04
  himself.
• 27:05
  That's
• 27:05
  why
• 27:05
  he.
• 27:05
  Exactly.
• 27:06
  Yeah,
• 27:07
  that's
• 27:07
  exactly
• 27:07
  right.
• 27:08
  He
• 27:08
  was
• 27:08
  partying
• 27:09
  or
• 27:09
  doing
• 27:09
  fun
• 27:10
  things
• 27:10
  at
• 27:10
  home
• 27:10
  without
• 27:11
  us.
• 27:11
  He
• 27:11
  was
• 27:11
  home
• 27:11
  alone,
• 27:12
  asleep,
• 27:12
  you
• 27:13
  know,
• 27:13
  like
• 27:13
  it
• 27:14
  was.
• 27:14
  It's
• 27:14
  sad.
• 27:15
  You
• 27:15
  kind
• 27:15
  of
• 27:15
  feel
• 27:16
  it
• 27:16
  makes
• 27:16
  you
• 27:16
  do
• 27:16
  a
• 27:17
  little
• 27:17
  bit
• 27:17
  of
• 27:17
  reverse.
• 27:17
  You
• 27:17
  almost
• 27:18
  feel
• 27:18
  bad
• 27:18
  for
• 27:18
  the
• 27:19
  parent.
• 27:20
  So.
• 27:21
  Yeah.
• 27:22
  And
• 27:22
  that's,
• 27:22
  that's
• 27:23
  the
• 27:23
  empathy,
• 27:23
  empathy
• 27:24
  part
• 27:24
  and
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  compassion
• 27:25
  part.
• 27:25
  And
• 27:26
  that's
• 27:26
  how
• 27:26
  you
• 27:26
  can
• 27:26
  heal.
• 27:27
  You
• 27:27
  can
• 27:27
  say,
• 27:28
  oh,
• 27:28
  my
• 27:28
  gosh,
• 27:28
  yes,
• 27:29
  he
• 27:29
  did
• 27:30
  this
• 27:30
  because
• 27:30
  he
• 27:31
  was
• 27:31
  hurting.
• 27:32
  And
• 27:32
  when
• 27:32
  you
• 27:32
  can
• 27:33
  turn
• 27:33
  that
• 27:33
  flip
• 27:34
  that
• 27:34
  in
• 27:34
  your
• 27:34
  mind,
• 27:35
  I
• 27:35
  mean,
• 27:35
  my
• 27:36
  mother
• 27:36
  was
• 27:37
  cutting
• 27:37
  and
• 27:37
  anorexic
• 27:38
  or
• 27:38
  bulimic
• 27:39
  or
• 27:39
  something,
• 27:39
  it
• 27:39
  like
• 27:40
  13
• 27:40
  or
• 27:40
  14
• 27:41
  years.
• 27:41
  And
• 27:41
  her
• 27:41
  father,
• 27:42
  who
• 27:42
  is
• 27:42
  also
• 27:42
  a
• 27:42
  child
• 27:43
  psychiatrist,
• 27:44
  sent
• 27:44
  her
• 27:44
  to
• 27:44
  boarding
• 27:45
  school
• 27:45
  for
• 27:45
  four
• 27:45
  years.
• 27:46
  Oh,
• 27:46
  yeah,
• 27:46
  that'll
• 27:46
  do
• 27:47
  it.
• 27:47
  That'll
• 27:48
  fix
• 27:48
  it.
• 27:49
  Yeah.
• 27:49
  You
• 27:49
  know,
• 27:49
  so
• 27:50
  like
• 27:50
  when
• 27:50
  I
• 27:50
  found
• 27:51
  that
• 27:51
  out,
• 27:51
  and
• 27:51
  I
• 27:51
  did
• 27:52
  find
• 27:52
  that
• 27:52
  out
• 27:53
  when
• 27:53
  she
• 27:53
  was
• 27:53
  still
• 27:53
  doing
• 27:54
  the
• 27:54
  brutal
• 27:54
  things
• 27:55
  and.
• 27:56
  But
• 27:56
  there
• 27:56
  was
• 27:56
  so,
• 27:56
  I
• 27:57
  mean,
• 27:57
  that
• 27:57
  was
• 27:57
  kind
• 27:57
  of,
• 27:57
  you
• 27:58
  know,
• 27:58
  you're
• 27:58
  in
• 27:58
  that.
• 27:59
  You're
• 27:59
  in
• 27:59
  the
• 27:59
  throw
• 28:00
  of
• 28:00
  it.
• 28:00
  It's
• 28:00
  just
• 28:00
  a
• 28:01
  daily
• 28:01
  battle.
• 28:02
  And,
• 28:02
  you
• 28:02
  know,
• 28:02
  I
• 28:02
  wasn't
• 28:03
  going
• 28:03
  to
• 28:03
  have
• 28:03
  any
• 28:03
  sympathy
• 28:04
  at
• 28:04
  that
• 28:04
  point
• 28:04
  or
• 28:05
  empathy
• 28:05
  at
• 28:06
  all.
• 28:06
  But
• 28:06
  afterwards
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  could
• 28:07
  look
• 28:08
  back
• 28:08
  and
• 28:08
  go,
• 28:08
  God,
• 28:09
  you
• 28:09
  know,
• 28:09
  I.
• 28:09
  I
• 28:10
  could
• 28:10
  have
• 28:10
  been
• 28:10
  kinder.
• 28:11
  But
• 28:11
  I'm
• 28:11
  not
• 28:12
  beat
• 28:12
  myself
• 28:12
  up
• 28:12
  about
• 28:13
  that
• 28:13
  either.
• 28:13
  No.
• 28:14
  Because
• 28:14
  that
• 28:14
  comes
• 28:15
  with
• 28:15
  maturity
• 28:15
  and
• 28:16
  time.
• 28:17
  Yep.
• 28:17
  There's
• 28:18
  no
• 28:18
  substitute
• 28:18
  for
• 28:19
  that.
• 28:19
  Nope.
• 28:20
  Absolutely
• 28:21
  not.
• 28:22
  So.
• 28:23
  Wow.
• 28:23
  So
• 28:24
  it's.
• 28:24
  Yeah,
• 28:24
  you
• 28:25
  had,
• 28:25
  you
• 28:25
  had
• 28:25
  it.
• 28:26
  I
• 28:26
  love
• 28:27
  that
• 28:27
  you
• 28:27
  took
• 28:27
  what
• 28:28
  you
• 28:28
  did
• 28:28
  or
• 28:29
  what
• 28:29
  you
• 28:29
  had
• 28:29
  done
• 28:30
  to
• 28:31
  you
• 28:31
  and
• 28:31
  with
• 28:31
  you
• 28:31
  and
• 28:32
  whatever
• 28:32
  not
• 28:33
  for
• 28:33
  you
• 28:33
  and
• 28:33
  turned
• 28:34
  it
• 28:34
  into
• 28:34
  Something
• 28:34
  great.
• 28:35
  And
• 28:35
  you're
• 28:35
  helping
• 28:35
  a
• 28:36
  lot
• 28:36
  of
• 28:36
  people.
• 28:36
  I
• 28:37
  can
• 28:37
  only
• 28:37
  imagine
• 28:37
  how
• 28:38
  many
• 28:38
  people
• 28:38
  you're
• 28:38
  helping.
• 28:38
  Yeah,
• 28:39
  I'm
• 28:39
  trying.
• 28:40
  Yeah.
• 28:41
  Everyone's
• 28:41
  story
• 28:42
  is
• 28:42
  a
• 28:42
  little
• 28:42
  different.
• 28:42
  Just
• 28:43
  when
• 28:43
  you
• 28:43
  think
• 28:43
  you
• 28:43
  know
• 28:44
  it
• 28:44
  all
• 28:45
  and,
• 28:45
  oh,
• 28:45
  I
• 28:45
  can
• 28:46
  relate
• 28:46
  to
• 28:46
  this
• 28:46
  part
• 28:46
  of
• 28:47
  it,
• 28:47
  they
• 28:47
  tell
• 28:47
  you
• 28:47
  something
• 28:47
  else.
• 28:48
  And
• 28:48
  it's
• 28:49
  like,
• 28:49
  even
• 28:49
  if
• 28:49
  it
• 28:49
  is
• 28:50
  an
• 28:50
  alcoholic
• 28:50
  home,
• 28:51
  it's
• 28:51
  like,
• 28:51
  I
• 28:51
  have
• 28:51
  no
• 28:52
  experience
• 28:52
  with
• 28:52
  that.
• 28:52
  So
• 28:53
  tell
• 28:53
  me
• 28:53
  what
• 28:53
  that
• 28:53
  part
• 28:54
  of
• 28:54
  it
• 28:54
  is
• 28:54
  like.
• 28:55
  Right.
• 28:56
  Which
• 28:56
  is
• 28:56
  hard
• 28:56
  sometimes.
• 28:57
  But,
• 28:58
  you
• 28:58
  know,
• 28:58
  it's
• 28:59
  just.
• 28:59
  It's
• 28:59
  great
• 29:00
  to.
• 29:00
  It's
• 29:01
  great
• 29:01
  to
• 29:01
  be
• 29:01
  able
• 29:01
  to
• 29:02
  offer
• 29:02
  a
• 29:03
  mix
• 29:03
  of
• 29:03
  personal
• 29:04
  and
• 29:04
  professional
• 29:04
  to
• 29:05
  help.
• 29:06
  Yeah.
• 29:07
  Yeah.
• 29:07
  The
• 29:07
  lived
• 29:08
  experience
• 29:08
  is
• 29:09
  so
• 29:09
  powerful.
• 29:10
  I
• 29:10
  mean,
• 29:10
  I
• 29:11
  can
• 29:11
  just
• 29:11
  tell
• 29:11
  when
• 29:11
  you
• 29:11
  talk
• 29:11
  to
• 29:12
  me,
• 29:12
  I
• 29:12
  was
• 29:12
  telling
• 29:12
  some
• 29:13
  stories
• 29:13
  and
• 29:13
  I
• 29:13
  could
• 29:13
  just
• 29:13
  see
• 29:14
  your
• 29:14
  eyes,
• 29:14
  like,
• 29:14
  oh,
• 29:15
  wow.
• 29:15
  Like,
• 29:15
  you
• 29:16
  could.
• 29:16
  I
• 29:16
  could
• 29:16
  tell
• 29:17
  you
• 29:17
  were
• 29:17
  in
• 29:17
  my
• 29:18
  shoes
• 29:18
  listening
• 29:18
  to
• 29:19
  the
• 29:19
  story.
• 29:19
  Like
• 29:20
  you
• 29:20
  were
• 29:20
  thinking.
• 29:20
  Yeah.
• 29:21
  I
• 29:21
  remember
• 29:21
  when,
• 29:21
  like,
• 29:22
  I
• 29:22
  could
• 29:22
  tell
• 29:22
  that
• 29:22
  looking
• 29:23
  at
• 29:23
  you
• 29:23
  and.
• 29:24
  And
• 29:25
  that
• 29:25
  adds
• 29:25
  a
• 29:25
  whole
• 29:26
  nother
• 29:26
  level
• 29:26
  of
• 29:27
  compassion.
• 29:28
  Yep.
• 29:29
  Yep.
• 29:29
  The
• 29:29
  walking
• 29:30
  on
• 29:30
  eggshells,
• 29:30
  the
• 29:31
  never
• 29:31
  knowing
• 29:31
  what
• 29:31
  you're
• 29:32
  gonna
• 29:32
  get
• 29:32
  and
• 29:33
  the
• 29:34
  mood
• 29:34
  and
• 29:35
  not.
• 29:36
  Not
• 29:36
  wanting
• 29:36
  to.
• 29:37
  Scared
• 29:37
  when
• 29:37
  you're
• 29:38
  not
• 29:38
  at
• 29:38
  home
• 29:38
  because
• 29:39
  what's
• 29:39
  happening
• 29:39
  at
• 29:39
  home.
• 29:39
  And
• 29:40
  for
• 29:40
  me,
• 29:41
  it
• 29:41
  was
• 29:41
  the
• 29:41
  checking
• 29:41
  his
• 29:41
  breathing
• 29:42
  all
• 29:42
  the
• 29:43
  time
• 29:43
  in
• 29:44
  the.
• 29:44
  On
• 29:44
  the
• 29:44
  couch
• 29:45
  and
• 29:45
  the
• 29:45
  recliner
• 29:45
  just
• 29:46
  like,
• 29:46
  okay,
• 29:47
  chest
• 29:47
  still
• 29:48
  moving
• 29:48
  great.
• 29:48
  Like
• 29:49
  that
• 29:49
  hyper
• 29:50
  vigilance,
• 29:50
  it
• 29:51
  just
• 29:51
  never
• 29:52
  really
• 29:52
  goes
• 29:52
  away.
• 29:53
  You
• 29:53
  just
• 29:53
  find
• 29:53
  a
• 29:53
  way
• 29:54
  to
• 29:54
  do
• 29:54
  different
• 29:54
  things
• 29:55
  with
• 29:55
  it.
• 29:55
  Yeah,
• 29:56
  I
• 29:57
  was.
• 29:57
  I
• 29:57
  had
• 29:58
  struggle.
• 29:58
  It's
• 29:58
  kind
• 29:58
  of
• 29:58
  a
• 29:59
  side
• 29:59
  story.
• 29:59
  But
• 30:00
  my
• 30:00
  dad
• 30:00
  wouldn't
• 30:01
  let
• 30:01
  me
• 30:01
  spend
• 30:01
  the
• 30:01
  night
• 30:01
  at
• 30:02
  people's
• 30:02
  houses
• 30:02
  because
• 30:02
  he
• 30:02
  was
• 30:03
  always
• 30:03
  afraid
• 30:03
  that
• 30:03
  my
• 30:03
  mother
• 30:03
  was
• 30:04
  going
• 30:04
  to
• 30:04
  do
• 30:04
  something
• 30:04
  to
• 30:04
  him
• 30:04
  in
• 30:05
  his
• 30:05
  sleep.
• 30:07
  And
• 30:07
  so
• 30:07
  I
• 30:07
  was
• 30:08
  very
• 30:08
  hyper
• 30:08
  vigilant
• 30:09
  to
• 30:09
  any
• 30:09
  loud
• 30:10
  thumps
• 30:10
  or
• 30:10
  noises.
• 30:12
  I
• 30:12
  don't
• 30:12
  know
• 30:12
  why.
• 30:12
  And
• 30:13
  I
• 30:13
  was.
• 30:13
  Until
• 30:13
  I
• 30:13
  was
• 30:14
  about
• 30:14
  40,
• 30:15
  like,
• 30:15
  for
• 30:16
  some
• 30:16
  reason
• 30:16
  it
• 30:16
  was
• 30:16
  just
• 30:16
  something
• 30:17
  about
• 30:17
  a
• 30:17
  thump.
• 30:18
  And
• 30:19
  even,
• 30:19
  like,
• 30:19
  even
• 30:20
  like
• 30:20
  I
• 30:20
  was
• 30:20
  watching
• 30:20
  some
• 30:21
  crazy
• 30:21
  movie
• 30:21
  on
• 30:22
  TV
• 30:22
  the
• 30:22
  other
• 30:22
  day
• 30:22
  and
• 30:23
  it
• 30:23
  was.
• 30:24
  There
• 30:24
  was
• 30:25
  a
• 30:25
  murder
• 30:25
  in
• 30:25
  the
• 30:25
  movie
• 30:26
  and
• 30:26
  it
• 30:26
  was
• 30:27
  just
• 30:27
  something
• 30:27
  about
• 30:27
  that
• 30:28
  certain
• 30:28
  thump.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:29
  I
• 30:29
  went.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:29
  I
• 30:30
  don't
• 30:30
  know
• 30:30
  why,
• 30:30
  because
• 30:30
  I
• 30:30
  never
• 30:30
  heard
• 30:31
  the
• 30:31
  thump,
• 30:32
  but
• 30:32
  it
• 30:32
  was
• 30:32
  a
• 30:32
  sound
• 30:32
  that
• 30:33
  I
• 30:33
  guess
• 30:33
  I
• 30:33
  imagined
• 30:34
  it
• 30:34
  would
• 30:34
  sound
• 30:34
  like
• 30:34
  if
• 30:35
  somebody
• 30:35
  was
• 30:35
  getting
• 30:35
  killed
• 30:36
  in
• 30:36
  their
• 30:36
  sleep.
• 30:38
  Yeah.
• 30:39
  You
• 30:39
  know
• 30:39
  what
• 30:39
  I'm
• 30:39
  saying?
• 30:40
  Yep.
• 30:40
  Yep.
• 30:41
  It's
• 30:41
  just
• 30:41
  an
• 30:41
  association
• 30:42
  you
• 30:43
  get,
• 30:43
  and
• 30:44
  that's
• 30:44
  that
• 30:45
  it
• 30:45
  just
• 30:45
  makes
• 30:45
  sense
• 30:46
  to
• 30:46
  you
• 30:46
  for
• 30:46
  some
• 30:47
  reason.
• 30:47
  Yep.
• 30:48
  Yep.
• 30:49
  So.
• 30:49
  And
• 30:49
  I'm
• 30:49
  sure
• 30:49
  you
• 30:49
  work
• 30:50
  with
• 30:50
  a
• 30:50
  lot
• 30:50
  of
• 30:50
  that.
• 30:50
  I'm
• 30:50
  sure
• 30:51
  you
• 30:51
  work
• 30:51
  with
• 30:51
  how
• 30:51
  you
• 30:51
  can
• 30:52
  help
• 30:52
  people
• 30:52
  deal
• 30:52
  with
• 30:52
  their
• 30:53
  triggers.
• 30:53
  I'm
• 30:53
  sure.
• 30:53
  I
• 30:54
  mean,
• 30:54
  I'm
• 30:54
  sure
• 30:54
  you
• 30:55
  work
• 30:55
  with
• 30:55
  all
• 30:55
  of
• 30:55
  that
• 30:55
  because
• 30:56
  that's
• 30:56
  what
• 30:56
  you
• 30:56
  do.
• 30:57
  But
• 30:57
  you
• 30:57
  work
• 30:58
  in
• 30:58
  what
• 30:58
  states
• 30:58
  do
• 30:59
  you
• 30:59
  work
• 30:59
  in
• 30:59
  again?
• 31:00
  So
• 31:00
  I'm
• 31:00
  in
• 31:00
  New
• 31:01
  York.
• 31:01
  That's
• 31:01
  home
• 31:01
  for
• 31:02
  me.
• 31:02
  But
• 31:02
  I'm
• 31:02
  also
• 31:03
  licensed
• 31:03
  in
• 31:03
  Connecticut
• 31:04
  and
• 31:04
  New
• 31:04
  Jersey,
• 31:04
  so
• 31:04
  I
• 31:05
  have
• 31:05
  a
• 31:05
  good
• 31:06
  amount
• 31:06
  of
• 31:06
  like
• 31:06
  virtual
• 31:07
  folks
• 31:07
  too.
• 31:07
  I'm
• 31:08
  mostly
• 31:08
  virtual.
• 31:09
  My,
• 31:09
  I
• 31:10
  go
• 31:10
  into
• 31:10
  the
• 31:10
  city
• 31:12
  Wednesdays.
• 31:13
  That's
• 31:13
  like
• 31:13
  my
• 31:13
  in
• 31:14
  person
• 31:14
  day.
• 31:14
  It's
• 31:14
  pretty
• 31:14
  booked
• 31:15
  right
• 31:15
  now,
• 31:15
  but
• 31:15
  I
• 31:15
  could
• 31:16
  definitely
• 31:16
  fit
• 31:17
  like
• 31:17
  one
• 31:17
  more
• 31:17
  person.
• 31:18
  One
• 31:18
  or
• 31:18
  two
• 31:18
  more
• 31:18
  referrals
• 31:19
  for
• 31:19
  in
• 31:19
  person.
• 31:20
  But
• 31:20
  virtual
• 31:21
  is
• 31:21
  what
• 31:21
  I'm
• 31:21
  trying
• 31:21
  to
• 31:22
  focus
• 31:22
  on
• 31:22
  now.
• 31:22
  It
• 31:22
  helps
• 31:23
  me
• 31:23
  be
• 31:23
  flexible
• 31:23
  with
• 31:24
  my
• 31:24
  family
• 31:25
  to
• 31:25
  stay
• 31:25
  home.
• 31:26
  No,
• 31:26
  that
• 31:26
  sounds
• 31:26
  good.
• 31:27
  And
• 31:28
  I
• 31:28
  will
• 31:28
  put
• 31:28
  your
• 31:28
  links
• 31:29
  and
• 31:29
  everything
• 31:29
  that
• 31:29
  you
• 31:29
  give
• 31:30
  me
• 31:30
  in
• 31:30
  the
• 31:30
  show
• 31:30
  notes
• 31:30
  so
• 31:31
  people
• 31:31
  can
• 31:31
  reach
• 31:31
  out
• 31:31
  to
• 31:31
  you.
• 31:32
  Tell
• 31:32
  us
• 31:32
  about
• 31:32
  your
• 31:32
  book.
• 31:33
  Yes.
• 31:33
  So
• 31:34
  I'm
• 31:34
  so
• 31:34
  I
• 31:34
  was
• 31:34
  just
• 31:34
  telling
• 31:35
  you
• 31:35
  before
• 31:35
  we
• 31:35
  logged
• 31:36
  on
• 31:36
  that
• 31:36
  it
• 31:37
  came
• 31:37
  today
• 31:37
  like
• 31:38
  boxes
• 31:38
  and
• 31:38
  boxes.
• 31:39
  So
• 31:39
  it's
• 31:39
  called
• 31:40
  Healing
• 31:40
  from
• 31:40
  a
• 31:40
  Dysfunctional
• 31:41
  Family.
• 31:42
  It's
• 31:42
  a
• 31:42
  workbook
• 31:43
  with
• 31:44
  new
• 31:44
  harbinger,
• 31:45
  very
• 31:45
  self
• 31:46
  help,
• 31:46
  self
• 31:46
  guided
• 31:48
  journaling,
• 31:49
  different
• 31:49
  tools,
• 31:50
  worksheets
• 31:50
  that
• 31:51
  you
• 31:51
  can
• 31:51
  copy
• 31:51
  and
• 31:51
  come
• 31:52
  back
• 31:52
  to.
• 31:53
  There's
• 31:53
  meditations
• 31:53
  that
• 31:54
  I've
• 31:54
  recorded
• 31:54
  that
• 31:55
  you
• 31:55
  can
• 31:55
  use
• 31:56
  from
• 31:56
  their
• 31:56
  website
• 31:56
  and
• 31:57
  bring
• 31:57
  with
• 31:57
  you
• 31:57
  in
• 31:57
  your
• 31:58
  phone
• 31:58
  if
• 31:58
  you
• 31:59
  need
• 31:59
  them.
• 31:59
  And
• 32:00
  it
• 32:00
  basically
• 32:01
  walks
• 32:01
  through
• 32:02
  all
• 32:02
  of
• 32:03
  the
• 32:03
  iterations
• 32:03
  that
• 32:04
  can
• 32:04
  happen
• 32:06
  to
• 32:06
  an
• 32:06
  individual
• 32:07
  as
• 32:07
  a
• 32:07
  result
• 32:07
  of
• 32:08
  growing
• 32:08
  up
• 32:08
  in
• 32:08
  a
• 32:08
  dysfunctional
• 32:09
  family.
• 32:09
  So
• 32:09
  anxiety,
• 32:10
  depression,
• 32:11
  boundary
• 32:11
  issues,
• 32:12
  people
• 32:12
  pleasing,
• 32:13
  relationship
• 32:14
  struggles
• 32:15
  and
• 32:15
  communication.
• 32:15
  Kind
• 32:16
  of
• 32:16
  everything
• 32:16
  we've
• 32:16
  talked
• 32:17
  about.
• 32:17
  And
• 32:18
  there's
• 32:19
  skills,
• 32:19
  evidence
• 32:20
  based
• 32:20
  skills
• 32:20
  and
• 32:21
  journaling
• 32:21
  for
• 32:21
  each
• 32:22
  issue,
• 32:23
  I
• 32:23
  guess
• 32:23
  I'll
• 32:23
  call
• 32:23
  them.
• 32:24
  And
• 32:24
  then
• 32:24
  a
• 32:25
  little
• 32:25
  chapter
• 32:25
  at
• 32:25
  the
• 32:25
  end
• 32:25
  for
• 32:26
  like
• 32:26
  moving
• 32:27
  forward
• 32:27
  with
• 32:27
  your
• 32:28
  own
• 32:28
  family
• 32:28
  and
• 32:28
  how
• 32:29
  to
• 32:29
  not
• 32:29
  pass
• 32:29
  on
• 32:30
  some
• 32:30
  of
• 32:31
  the
• 32:31
  stuff
• 32:31
  that
• 32:31
  you've
• 32:31
  been
• 32:32
  through.
• 32:32
  Yep.
• 32:33
  And
• 32:34
  that's,
• 32:34
  I
• 32:34
  think
• 32:34
  one
• 32:34
  of
• 32:35
  the
• 32:35
  biggest,
• 32:36
  one
• 32:36
  of
• 32:36
  the
• 32:36
  biggest
• 32:37
  pieces
• 32:37
  to
• 32:37
  this
• 32:38
  puzzle
• 32:38
  is
• 32:38
  the
• 32:38
  generational
• 32:39
  part
• 32:39
  of
• 32:39
  it.
• 32:41
  You
• 32:41
  know,
• 32:41
  you.
• 32:42
  I
• 32:42
  remember
• 32:42
  I
• 32:43
  learned
• 32:43
  I,
• 32:44
  I
• 32:44
  was
• 32:44
  really
• 32:44
  in
• 32:45
  a
• 32:45
  kind
• 32:45
  of,
• 32:45
  I
• 32:46
  want
• 32:46
  to
• 32:46
  say
• 32:46
  I
• 32:47
  was
• 32:47
  kind
• 32:47
  of
• 32:47
  out
• 32:47
  of
• 32:47
  it
• 32:47
  till
• 32:48
  I
• 32:48
  was
• 32:48
  about
• 32:48
  26.
• 32:48
  But
• 32:49
  when
• 32:49
  I
• 32:49
  started,
• 32:49
  got
• 32:49
  ready
• 32:50
  to
• 32:50
  have
• 32:50
  my
• 32:50
  first
• 32:50
  child,
• 32:50
  I
• 32:51
  started
• 32:51
  figuring
• 32:51
  out,
• 32:52
  okay,
• 32:52
  this
• 32:52
  is
• 32:52
  not
• 32:53
  normal.
• 32:53
  I
• 32:53
  can't
• 32:53
  do
• 32:54
  this.
• 32:54
  I
• 32:54
  can't
• 32:54
  raise
• 32:54
  my
• 32:54
  kids
• 32:55
  like
• 32:55
  this.
• 32:55
  I
• 32:56
  have
• 32:56
  to
• 32:56
  figure
• 32:56
  this
• 32:57
  out.
• 32:57
  And
• 32:57
  that's
• 32:58
  when
• 32:58
  I
• 32:58
  started
• 32:58
  really
• 32:59
  jumping
• 32:59
  in
• 33:00
  and,
• 33:00
  and
• 33:00
  figuring
• 33:01
  it
• 33:01
  out.
• 33:02
  But
• 33:02
  again,
• 33:02
  if
• 33:02
  you're
• 33:03
  out
• 33:03
  there
• 33:03
  listening,
• 33:03
  I
• 33:04
  don't
• 33:04
  ever,
• 33:04
  ever,
• 33:04
  ever
• 33:05
  want
• 33:05
  you
• 33:05
  to
• 33:05
  go,
• 33:05
  oh
• 33:06
  my
• 33:06
  gosh,
• 33:06
  my
• 33:07
  kids
• 33:07
  Are
• 33:07
  already
• 33:07
  six.
• 33:07
  It's
• 33:08
  too
• 33:08
  late.
• 33:08
  It
• 33:08
  is
• 33:09
  never,
• 33:09
  ever
• 33:10
  too
• 33:10
  late.
• 33:11
  No,
• 33:11
  never
• 33:11
  too
• 33:11
  late.
• 33:12
  Never
• 33:12
  too
• 33:12
  late
• 33:13
  to,
• 33:15
  to
• 33:15
  just
• 33:15
  be
• 33:16
  the
• 33:16
  best
• 33:16
  version
• 33:16
  of
• 33:17
  yourself.
• 33:17
  I
• 33:17
  mean,
• 33:18
  start
• 33:18
  now.
• 33:18
  The
• 33:18
  minute
• 33:19
  you
• 33:19
  become
• 33:19
  aware.
• 33:19
  Now
• 33:20
  it's
• 33:20
  your
• 33:20
  responsibility.
• 33:21
  I
• 33:21
  feel
• 33:22
  like.
• 33:23
  Yeah,
• 33:23
  before
• 33:24
  you
• 33:24
  knew,
• 33:25
  you
• 33:25
  didn't
• 33:25
  know
• 33:26
  you
• 33:26
  were
• 33:26
  only
• 33:26
  acting
• 33:27
  from.
• 33:28
  I,
• 33:28
  I.
• 33:28
  What
• 33:29
  did
• 33:29
  I.
• 33:29
  One
• 33:30
  day
• 33:30
  I
• 33:30
  did
• 33:30
  this
• 33:30
  Instagram
• 33:31
  and
• 33:31
  I
• 33:31
  was
• 33:31
  just
• 33:31
  laughing
• 33:31
  my
• 33:31
  head
• 33:32
  off
• 33:32
  and
• 33:32
  it
• 33:32
  was
• 33:32
  like,
• 33:32
  you're
• 33:33
  a
• 33:33
  poacto.
• 33:33
  And
• 33:34
  people
• 33:34
  are
• 33:34
  like,
• 33:34
  what
• 33:34
  the
• 33:34
  heck
• 33:35
  is
• 33:35
  a
• 33:35
  poacto?
• 33:36
  And
• 33:36
  I
• 33:36
  just
• 33:36
  had
• 33:36
  an
• 33:37
  acronym
• 33:38
  for,
• 33:38
  like
• 33:38
  a
• 33:38
  product
• 33:39
  of
• 33:39
  a
• 33:39
  dysfunctional
• 33:40
  something
• 33:41
  something.
• 33:41
  Oh,
• 33:42
  you
• 33:42
  should
• 33:42
  trademark
• 33:43
  that,
• 33:43
  Tammy.
• 33:44
  That's
• 33:44
  really
• 33:44
  good.
• 33:45
  It
• 33:45
  was
• 33:45
  so
• 33:46
  funny.
• 33:46
  I
• 33:46
  was
• 33:46
  like,
• 33:46
  yeah,
• 33:46
  I'm
• 33:46
  a
• 33:46
  poecto.
• 33:47
  And,
• 33:48
  and
• 33:48
  I
• 33:48
  laughed
• 33:49
  so
• 33:49
  hard
• 33:49
  when
• 33:49
  I
• 33:49
  was
• 33:49
  doing
• 33:50
  it,
• 33:50
  but
• 33:50
  it
• 33:50
  was
• 33:50
  like
• 33:51
  a
• 33:51
  product
• 33:51
  of
• 33:51
  a
• 33:52
  dysfunctional
• 33:54
  alcohol
• 33:55
  unit
• 33:56
  something.
• 33:56
  I
• 33:57
  don't
• 33:57
  remember
• 33:57
  what
• 33:57
  it
• 33:57
  was,
• 33:58
  but
• 33:58
  we.
• 33:58
  I
• 33:58
  laughed
• 33:59
  so
• 33:59
  hard
• 33:59
  and
• 33:59
  I
• 34:00
  was
• 34:00
  like,
• 34:00
  I
• 34:01
  finally
• 34:01
  accepted
• 34:02
  the
• 34:02
  fact
• 34:02
  that
• 34:02
  what
• 34:03
  you're
• 34:03
  looking
• 34:03
  at
• 34:03
  right
• 34:03
  here
• 34:04
  before
• 34:04
  I
• 34:04
  healed
• 34:06
  was
• 34:06
  exactly
• 34:06
  what
• 34:07
  life
• 34:07
  would
• 34:07
  expect
• 34:08
  you
• 34:08
  to
• 34:08
  be
• 34:09
  based
• 34:09
  on
• 34:09
  your
• 34:10
  circumstances
• 34:10
  and
• 34:11
  your
• 34:11
  environment.
• 34:12
  Yes.
• 34:12
  And
• 34:13
  innate
• 34:13
  in
• 34:14
  that
• 34:14
  is
• 34:14
  resilience.
• 34:15
  On
• 34:15
  top
• 34:15
  of
• 34:15
  all
• 34:16
  the
• 34:16
  other
• 34:16
  things
• 34:16
  that
• 34:16
  happened
• 34:17
  to
• 34:17
  you,
• 34:17
  there
• 34:18
  was
• 34:18
  also
• 34:18
  a
• 34:18
  really
• 34:19
  deep.
• 34:20
  I
• 34:20
  mean,
• 34:20
  there's
• 34:20
  strength
• 34:21
  in
• 34:21
  all
• 34:21
  of
• 34:21
  us,
• 34:21
  but
• 34:22
  that's
• 34:22
  what
• 34:22
  comes
• 34:22
  out
• 34:23
  and
• 34:23
  that's
• 34:23
  what
• 34:24
  gets
• 34:24
  you
• 34:24
  through.
• 34:25
  So
• 34:25
  it's
• 34:25
  not
• 34:25
  only
• 34:26
  what
• 34:26
  you're,
• 34:26
  not
• 34:26
  only
• 34:27
  the
• 34:27
  sum
• 34:27
  of
• 34:27
  what
• 34:27
  happened
• 34:28
  to
• 34:28
  you,
• 34:28
  but
• 34:28
  you're
• 34:28
  how
• 34:28
  you
• 34:29
  respond
• 34:29
  to
• 34:29
  it
• 34:29
  at
• 34:30
  every
• 34:30
  phase.
• 34:31
  And
• 34:31
  as
• 34:31
  long
• 34:31
  as
• 34:31
  it's,
• 34:32
  what
• 34:32
  can
• 34:33
  I
• 34:33
  do?
• 34:34
  Not
• 34:34
  what
• 34:34
  can
• 34:34
  I
• 34:34
  do
• 34:35
  better
• 34:35
  in
• 34:35
  terms
• 34:35
  of,
• 34:36
  like,
• 34:36
  I
• 34:36
  need
• 34:36
  to
• 34:37
  be
• 34:37
  perfect,
• 34:37
  but
• 34:37
  what
• 34:38
  can
• 34:38
  I.
• 34:38
  Am
• 34:38
  I
• 34:39
  still
• 34:39
  growing?
• 34:39
  Does
• 34:40
  this
• 34:40
  still
• 34:40
  ring
• 34:40
  true
• 34:41
  to
• 34:41
  me?
• 34:41
  Am
• 34:41
  I
• 34:41
  living
• 34:42
  up
• 34:42
  to
• 34:42
  my
• 34:42
  values?
• 34:43
  You
• 34:43
  know,
• 34:43
  your
• 34:43
  values
• 34:44
  are
• 34:44
  going
• 34:44
  to
• 34:44
  be
• 34:44
  different
• 34:44
  when
• 34:45
  you're
• 34:45
  20,
• 34:45
  30,
• 34:46
  40,
• 34:46
  50.
• 34:47
  They
• 34:47
  change
• 34:48
  every
• 34:48
  few
• 34:48
  years.
• 34:49
  And
• 34:49
  as
• 34:49
  long
• 34:49
  as
• 34:50
  you're
• 34:50
  checking
• 34:50
  in
• 34:50
  with
• 34:50
  yourself.
• 34:51
  I
• 34:51
  do
• 34:51
  have
• 34:51
  a
• 34:51
  section
• 34:51
  on
• 34:52
  values
• 34:52
  in
• 34:52
  the
• 34:52
  book
• 34:52
  too,
• 34:53
  of
• 34:53
  that,
• 34:53
  of
• 34:53
  like,
• 34:54
  that's
• 34:55
  a
• 34:55
  good
• 34:55
  compass.
• 34:56
  Like,
• 34:56
  am
• 34:56
  I
• 34:56
  in
• 34:56
  line
• 34:56
  with
• 34:57
  himself?
• 34:58
  Yep.
• 34:58
  And
• 34:59
  I
• 34:59
  love
• 34:59
  that
• 34:59
  because
• 35:00
  a
• 35:00
  lot
• 35:00
  of
• 35:00
  times
• 35:00
  when
• 35:00
  you
• 35:01
  do
• 35:01
  come
• 35:01
  out
• 35:01
  of
• 35:02
  the
• 35:02
  house
• 35:02
  and
• 35:02
  everybody
• 35:02
  goes,
• 35:03
  oh,
• 35:03
  they're
• 35:03
  out
• 35:03
  of
• 35:03
  the
• 35:03
  house,
• 35:03
  everything's
• 35:04
  better.
• 35:05
  That's
• 35:06
  when
• 35:06
  the
• 35:06
  work
• 35:06
  begins.
• 35:07
  That
• 35:07
  is
• 35:07
  when.
• 35:09
  No,
• 35:09
  you
• 35:09
  don't
• 35:09
  just
• 35:10
  leave
• 35:10
  the,
• 35:10
  the
• 35:10
  environment
• 35:11
  and
• 35:11
  run
• 35:11
  away
• 35:12
  and
• 35:12
  think
• 35:12
  everything's
• 35:12
  going
• 35:13
  to
• 35:13
  get
• 35:13
  better.
• 35:13
  That
• 35:13
  is,
• 35:14
  that
• 35:14
  is
• 35:14
  such
• 35:14
  a
• 35:14
  Myth.
• 35:15
  Leave
• 35:15
  a
• 35:16
  19
• 35:16
  year
• 35:16
  old
• 35:16
  with
• 35:17
  all
• 35:17
  these
• 35:17
  loans
• 35:17
  and
• 35:17
  stuff
• 35:18
  and
• 35:18
  see
• 35:18
  what
• 35:18
  happens.
• 35:19
  Right?
• 35:19
  Yeah,
• 35:19
  yeah,
• 35:20
  exactly.
• 35:20
  Like,
• 35:21
  they're
• 35:22
  good,
• 35:22
  they
• 35:22
  Got
• 35:22
  this.
• 35:23
  Still
• 35:23
  figure
• 35:23
  it
• 35:23
  out.
• 35:24
  I
• 35:24
  figured
• 35:24
  it
• 35:24
  out
• 35:24
  when
• 35:25
  I
• 35:25
  was
• 35:25
  a
• 35:25
  kid.
• 35:25
  But
• 35:26
  no,
• 35:27
  it's.
• 35:28
  It's.
• 35:29
  It's
• 35:29
  so
• 35:30
  insidious
• 35:30
  and
• 35:32
  sneaky.
• 35:34
  But
• 35:34
  like
• 35:34
  I
• 35:34
  said,
• 35:35
  never
• 35:35
  too
• 35:35
  late.
• 35:35
  To
• 35:36
  your
• 35:36
  point?
• 35:36
  Yes.
• 35:37
  Yes,
• 35:37
  to
• 35:38
  my
• 35:38
  point.
• 35:38
  It's
• 35:38
  never
• 35:38
  too
• 35:39
  late.
• 35:39
  And
• 35:40
  now
• 35:40
  that
• 35:40
  you're
• 35:41
  aware,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  know,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:42
  know
• 35:42
  your
• 35:42
  values,
• 35:43
  you
• 35:43
  know
• 35:43
  what,
• 35:43
  how
• 35:43
  you
• 35:44
  want
• 35:44
  to
• 35:44
  be
• 35:44
  with
• 35:44
  your
• 35:44
  kids.
• 35:45
  So
• 35:45
  now
• 35:45
  you
• 35:46
  could
• 35:46
  start
• 35:46
  and,
• 35:46
  and
• 35:46
  just,
• 35:47
  you
• 35:47
  know,
• 35:47
  power
• 35:47
  in
• 35:47
  the
• 35:48
  pause,
• 35:48
  man.
• 35:48
  Just
• 35:49
  stop
• 35:49
  and
• 35:49
  think
• 35:50
  before
• 35:50
  you
• 35:51
  act.
• 35:51
  Is
• 35:51
  this
• 35:53
  in
• 35:53
  alignment
• 35:54
  with
• 35:54
  how
• 35:54
  I
• 35:54
  want
• 35:54
  to
• 35:55
  be?
• 35:55
  And
• 35:56
  you
• 35:56
  know,
• 35:56
  there's
• 35:57
  so
• 35:57
  much
• 35:57
  power
• 35:57
  in
• 35:57
  that
• 35:57
  pause.
• 35:58
  Just
• 35:59
  because
• 35:59
  you're
• 36:00
  still.
• 36:00
  Some
• 36:00
  of
• 36:00
  us
• 36:01
  are
• 36:01
  still
• 36:01
  in
• 36:01
  the
• 36:01
  fight
• 36:02
  and
• 36:02
  flight
• 36:02
  and
• 36:02
  freeze
• 36:03
  and
• 36:03
  fawn,
• 36:03
  and
• 36:03
  we're.
• 36:04
  It's
• 36:04
  still
• 36:04
  wired.
• 36:05
  So
• 36:06
  just
• 36:06
  a
• 36:06
  pause.
• 36:08
  And
• 36:08
  that's
• 36:08
  why
• 36:08
  therapy
• 36:09
  is
• 36:09
  so
• 36:09
  great
• 36:10
  too.
• 36:10
  Just
• 36:11
  another
• 36:11
  note
• 36:12
  on
• 36:12
  that.
• 36:12
  Like,
• 36:13
  that's
• 36:13
  co
• 36:13
  regulation.
• 36:14
  So
• 36:14
  if
• 36:14
  you're
• 36:15
  having
• 36:15
  a
• 36:15
  hard
• 36:15
  time
• 36:15
  doing
• 36:16
  that
• 36:16
  on
• 36:16
  your
• 36:16
  own,
• 36:16
  of
• 36:16
  course
• 36:17
  you
• 36:17
  are.
• 36:17
  If
• 36:17
  you
• 36:17
  were
• 36:17
  never
• 36:17
  taught
• 36:18
  how
• 36:18
  to
• 36:18
  do
• 36:18
  it
• 36:18
  by
• 36:18
  your
• 36:19
  parents,
• 36:19
  how
• 36:19
  are
• 36:19
  you
• 36:19
  going
• 36:20
  to
• 36:20
  know?
• 36:21
  Like,
• 36:21
  that's
• 36:21
  like,
• 36:21
  people
• 36:22
  roll
• 36:22
  their
• 36:22
  eyes
• 36:22
  when
• 36:22
  I
• 36:23
  tell
• 36:23
  them,
• 36:23
  like,
• 36:23
  take
• 36:23
  a
• 36:23
  deep
• 36:23
  breath.
• 36:24
  Like,
• 36:24
  of
• 36:24
  course.
• 36:25
  But
• 36:25
  there
• 36:26
  are
• 36:26
  steps
• 36:26
  before
• 36:26
  the
• 36:27
  deep
• 36:27
  breath.
• 36:27
  Like,
• 36:28
  when
• 36:28
  do
• 36:28
  I
• 36:28
  know
• 36:29
  I
• 36:29
  need
• 36:29
  to
• 36:29
  take
• 36:29
  a
• 36:29
  deep
• 36:29
  breath?
• 36:30
  How
• 36:30
  do
• 36:30
  I
• 36:30
  really
• 36:31
  breathe?
• 36:31
  Am
• 36:31
  I
• 36:31
  safe?
• 36:32
  Like,
• 36:32
  do
• 36:32
  I
• 36:33
  need
• 36:33
  to
• 36:33
  do
• 36:33
  something
• 36:33
  else
• 36:34
  first?
• 36:34
  Like,
• 36:34
  there's
• 36:35
  all
• 36:35
  these
• 36:35
  questions.
• 36:36
  So
• 36:36
  a
• 36:36
  therapist
• 36:37
  can
• 36:37
  help
• 36:37
  bring
• 36:38
  that
• 36:38
  all
• 36:38
  down
• 36:39
  and
• 36:39
  literally
• 36:40
  show
• 36:40
  you
• 36:40
  how
• 36:41
  to
• 36:41
  do
• 36:41
  those
• 36:41
  things
• 36:41
  so
• 36:41
  you
• 36:42
  don't
• 36:42
  have
• 36:42
  to
• 36:42
  do
• 36:42
  it
• 36:42
  by
• 36:42
  yourself.
• 36:43
  And
• 36:43
  then
• 36:43
  you
• 36:43
  trust
• 36:44
  people
• 36:44
  because
• 36:44
  you're
• 36:44
  like,
• 36:44
  if
• 36:45
  I
• 36:45
  could
• 36:45
  trust
• 36:45
  one
• 36:45
  person,
• 36:46
  maybe
• 36:46
  I
• 36:46
  could
• 36:46
  trust
• 36:46
  another
• 36:47
  person.
• 36:47
  Person.
• 36:48
  Exactly.
• 36:49
  And
• 36:49
  then
• 36:49
  eventually
• 36:49
  maybe
• 36:50
  I
• 36:50
  can
• 36:50
  trust
• 36:50
  my
• 36:50
  own
• 36:51
  judgment.
• 36:51
  Yes.
• 36:52
  That's
• 36:52
  the
• 36:52
  whole
• 36:53
  point.
• 36:53
  Yep.
• 36:53
  Exactly.
• 36:54
  Exactly.
• 36:55
  So.
• 36:56
  Well,
• 36:56
  this
• 36:56
  was
• 36:56
  great,
• 36:57
  Kara.
• 36:57
  I
• 36:58
  appreciate
• 36:58
  you
• 36:58
  coming
• 36:58
  on.
• 36:59
  Thank
• 36:59
  you
• 37:00
  so
• 37:00
  much
• 37:00
  for
• 37:00
  having
• 37:00
  me.
• 37:00
  I
• 37:01
  love
• 37:01
  this
• 37:01
  conversation.
• 37:02
  It's
• 37:02
  so
• 37:02
  important
• 37:03
  what
• 37:03
  you're
• 37:03
  doing.
• 37:03
  So
• 37:04
  thanks
• 37:04
  again
• 37:04
  for
• 37:05
  all
• 37:05
  the
• 37:05
  people.
• 37:05
  You
• 37:05
  reach
• 37:07
  you
• 37:07
  as
• 37:07
  well.
• 37:08
  And
• 37:08
  now
• 37:08
  before
• 37:08
  you
• 37:08
  leave,
• 37:09
  I
• 37:09
  want
• 37:09
  you
• 37:09
  to
• 37:09
  give
• 37:10
  the
• 37:10
  listeners
• 37:11
  one
• 37:11
  last
• 37:12
  final.
• 37:13
  Just
• 37:13
  one
• 37:13
  big
• 37:14
  picture.
• 37:14
  Words
• 37:15
  of
• 37:15
  advice
• 37:15
  or
• 37:15
  words
• 37:15
  of
• 37:16
  wisdom
• 37:16
  or
• 37:17
  one
• 37:18
  general
• 37:18
  idea.
• 37:19
  One
• 37:19
  general
• 37:20
  idea.
• 37:21
  Or
• 37:21
  if
• 37:21
  you
• 37:21
  had
• 37:21
  to
• 37:21
  sum
• 37:22
  it
• 37:22
  all
• 37:22
  up,
• 37:22
  what
• 37:22
  would
• 37:23
  you
• 37:23
  say
• 37:23
  to
• 37:23
  them?
• 37:23
  If
• 37:23
  you
• 37:23
  could
• 37:24
  say
• 37:24
  one
• 37:24
  thing
• 37:24
  right
• 37:24
  now,.
• 37:28
  I
• 37:28
  would
• 37:28
  say,
• 37:31
  don't
• 37:32
  mistake
• 37:32
  yourself
• 37:33
  by
• 37:33
  thinking
• 37:34
  what
• 37:34
  you've
• 37:34
  been
• 37:34
  through
• 37:35
  that
• 37:35
  no
• 37:35
  one
• 37:35
  could
• 37:36
  possibly
• 37:36
  understand.
• 37:38
  I
• 37:38
  think
• 37:38
  that
• 37:38
  is
• 37:38
  a
• 37:38
  huge
• 37:39
  deterrent
• 37:40
  of
• 37:40
  seeking
• 37:41
  help.
• 37:41
  I
• 37:41
  think
• 37:41
  it's
• 37:41
  a
• 37:42
  huge
• 37:43
  shame
• 37:44
  gaslighting
• 37:44
  thing
• 37:45
  that's
• 37:45
  done
• 37:45
  to
• 37:45
  us
• 37:46
  from
• 37:46
  an
• 37:47
  early
• 37:47
  age.
• 37:48
  If
• 37:48
  you
• 37:48
  can
• 37:48
  counteract
• 37:49
  that
• 37:50
  you
• 37:51
  will
• 37:51
  connect
• 37:52
  with
• 37:52
  other
• 37:52
  people
• 37:52
  and
• 37:53
  you
• 37:53
  will
• 37:53
  see
• 37:54
  that
• 37:54
  no
• 37:54
  one's
• 37:55
  walked
• 37:55
  in
• 37:55
  your
• 37:55
  shoes.
• 37:56
  You've
• 37:56
  not
• 37:56
  walked
• 37:57
  in
• 37:57
  anyone
• 37:57
  else's
• 37:57
  shoes,
• 37:58
  but
• 37:59
  people
• 37:59
  will
• 38:00
  be
• 38:00
  able
• 38:00
  to
• 38:00
  understand
• 38:01
  what
• 38:01
  you've
• 38:01
  been
• 38:01
  through.
• 38:01
  I.
• 38:02
  I
• 38:02
  can't
• 38:02
  tell
• 38:02
  you
• 38:02
  how
• 38:02
  many
• 38:03
  times
• 38:03
  I
• 38:03
  hear
• 38:03
  that
• 38:03
  from
• 38:03
  clients.
• 38:04
  No
• 38:05
  one
• 38:05
  gets
• 38:05
  it.
• 38:05
  No
• 38:05
  one
• 38:06
  will
• 38:06
  understand.
• 38:07
  People
• 38:07
  will
• 38:08
  try.
• 38:08
  And
• 38:08
  the
• 38:08
  trying
• 38:09
  is
• 38:10
  where
• 38:10
  you're
• 38:11
  going
• 38:11
  to
• 38:11
  make
• 38:11
  real
• 38:11
  connection.
• 38:13
  So
• 38:13
  I
• 38:13
  would
• 38:13
  say
• 38:14
  try
• 38:14
  to
• 38:15
  work
• 38:15
  on
• 38:15
  that.
• 38:16
  Perfect.
• 38:17
  I
• 38:17
  love
• 38:17
  that.
• 38:18
  Thank
• 38:18
  you
• 38:18
  so
• 38:19
  much
• 38:19
  again
• 38:19
  for
• 38:19
  coming
• 38:19
  on
• 38:20
  and.
• 38:21
  Yeah,
• 38:22
  and
• 38:22
  for
• 38:22
  everybody
• 38:22
  else
• 38:23
  out
• 38:23
  there
• 38:23
  listening,
• 38:24
  you
• 38:24
  heard
• 38:24
  it.
• 38:24
  You
• 38:25
  heard
• 38:25
  it
• 38:25
  from
• 38:25
  Kara.
• 38:26
  I
• 38:26
  mean,
• 38:26
  she
• 38:27
  knows.
• 38:27
  She's
• 38:27
  been
• 38:28
  there.
• 38:28
  She's
• 38:28
  done
• 38:28
  it,
• 38:28
  she's
• 38:29
  helping.
• 38:29
  This
• 38:29
  is
• 38:29
  amazing.
• 38:31
  And
• 38:31
  just
• 38:32
  know
• 38:32
  that
• 38:33
  again,
• 38:33
  no
• 38:33
  matter
• 38:34
  what
• 38:34
  happened
• 38:34
  to
• 38:34
  you,
• 38:35
  it
• 38:35
  wasn't
• 38:35
  your
• 38:35
  fault.
• 38:36
  And
• 38:37
  if
• 38:37
  you
• 38:37
  want
• 38:37
  to
• 38:38
  choose
• 38:39
  to
• 38:39
  have
• 38:39
  more
• 38:40
  and
• 38:40
  more
• 38:40
  joy
• 38:41
  and
• 38:41
  more
• 38:41
  passion
• 38:42
  and
• 38:42
  more
• 38:42
  love
• 38:42
  and
• 38:43
  more
• 38:44
  success,
• 38:44
  whatever
• 38:45
  it
• 38:45
  is,
• 38:45
  it's
• 38:46
  out
• 38:46
  there
• 38:46
  for
• 38:46
  the
• 38:46
  taking.
• 38:47
  But
• 38:47
  you
• 38:47
  have
• 38:47
  to
• 38:48
  decide
• 38:48
  that
• 38:48
  you
• 38:48
  are
• 38:49
  worth
• 38:49
  going
• 38:50
  for
• 38:50
  it.
• 38:50
  And
• 38:51
  you
• 38:51
  most
• 38:51
  certainly
• 38:52
  are,
• 38:52
  my
• 38:52
  friend.
• 38:52
  You
• 38:52
  are
• 38:53
  beautiful
• 38:53
  just
• 38:53
  the
• 38:53
  way
• 38:53
  you
• 38:54
  are
• 38:54
  right
• 38:54
  here,
• 38:54
  right
• 38:54
  now.
• 38:55
  But
• 38:56
  you
• 38:57
  can
• 38:57
  always
• 38:57
  strive
• 38:57
  for
• 38:58
  more.
• 38:58
  You
• 38:58
  can
• 38:58
  always
• 38:58
  go
• 38:59
  get
• 38:59
  more,
• 38:59
  because
• 38:59
  it's
• 39:00
  out
• 39:00
  there
• 39:00
  for
• 39:00
  you.
• 39:01
  So
• 39:02
  you
• 39:02
  all
• 39:02
  have
• 39:02
  a
• 39:02
  blessed
• 39:03
  day,
• 39:03
  and
• 39:03
  we
• 39:03
  will
• 39:03
  see
• 39:03
  you
• 39:03
  back
• 39:04
  next
• 39:04
  week.
• 39:05
  Thanks
• 39:05
  again.
• 39:05
  Bye.
• 39:07
  Bye.