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Note 44: Your Daily Habits Are Snitching on Your Self-Love · Notes to Her

• 0:00
  Foreign.
• 0:17
  Hey,
• 0:18
  girl.
• 0:18
  Hey.
• 0:18
  Welcome
• 0:18
  to
• 0:19
  notes
• 0:19
  to
• 0:19
  her,
• 0:19
  the
• 0:20
  daily
• 0:20
  pep
• 0:20
  talk.
• 0:20
  I
• 0:21
  am
• 0:21
  Yaya,
• 0:21
  your
• 0:22
  confidence
• 0:22
  and
• 0:22
  mindset
• 0:22
  coach.
• 0:23
  And
• 0:23
  today
• 0:23
  we're
• 0:24
  having
• 0:24
  one
• 0:24
  of
• 0:24
  those
• 0:24
  conversations.
• 0:26
  The
• 0:26
  kind
• 0:26
  is
• 0:26
  loving
• 0:27
  and
• 0:27
  kind,
• 0:28
  but
• 0:28
  honest.
• 0:30
  Because
• 0:30
  a
• 0:30
  lot
• 0:30
  of
• 0:31
  women
• 0:31
  say
• 0:31
  that
• 0:31
  they
• 0:31
  love
• 0:31
  themselves.
• 0:32
  They
• 0:32
  say
• 0:33
  that
• 0:33
  they
• 0:33
  are
• 0:33
  working
• 0:33
  on
• 0:34
  self
• 0:34
  love.
• 0:35
  They
• 0:35
  say
• 0:35
  that
• 0:35
  they
• 0:36
  are
• 0:36
  choosing
• 0:36
  themselves.
• 0:38
  But
• 0:38
  their
• 0:38
  habits,
• 0:40
  they
• 0:40
  tell
• 0:40
  a
• 0:40
  different
• 0:41
  story.
• 0:42
  And
• 0:42
  before
• 0:42
  you
• 0:43
  tense
• 0:43
  up
• 0:43
  or
• 0:43
  feel
• 0:44
  called
• 0:44
  out,
• 0:44
  stay
• 0:45
  with
• 0:45
  me.
• 0:46
  This
• 0:46
  is
• 0:46
  not
• 0:46
  about
• 0:47
  shame.
• 0:48
  This
• 0:48
  isn't
• 0:49
  about
• 0:49
  guilt.
• 0:50
  It's
• 0:50
  about
• 0:50
  awareness.
• 0:52
  Because
• 0:52
  self
• 0:53
  love
• 0:53
  isn't
• 0:53
  something
• 0:53
  that
• 0:53
  you
• 0:54
  declare
• 0:54
  once
• 0:55
  and
• 0:55
  then
• 0:55
  just
• 0:55
  call
• 0:56
  it
• 0:56
  done.
• 0:56
  It's
• 0:57
  something
• 0:57
  that
• 0:57
  you
• 0:57
  practice
• 0:58
  quietly
• 0:59
  every
• 1:00
  single
• 1:00
  day.
• 1:02
  And
• 1:02
  today
• 1:02
  we're
• 1:02
  talking
• 1:03
  about
• 1:03
  what
• 1:03
  your
• 1:03
  daily
• 1:03
  habits
• 1:04
  are
• 1:04
  revealing
• 1:05
  about
• 1:05
  the
• 1:06
  relationship
• 1:06
  that
• 1:06
  you
• 1:07
  have
• 1:07
  with
• 1:07
  yourself.
• 1:19
  Now,
• 1:19
  self
• 1:20
  love
• 1:20
  doesn't
• 1:20
  show
• 1:20
  up
• 1:21
  in
• 1:21
  those
• 1:21
  big
• 1:21
  moments.
• 1:22
  It
• 1:22
  shows
• 1:22
  up
• 1:22
  in
• 1:23
  small
• 1:23
  ones.
• 1:24
  How
• 1:24
  you
• 1:24
  talk
• 1:25
  to
• 1:25
  yourself
• 1:25
  when
• 1:25
  you
• 1:26
  make
• 1:26
  a
• 1:26
  mistake.
• 1:27
  How
• 1:27
  you
• 1:27
  treat
• 1:27
  your
• 1:28
  body
• 1:28
  when
• 1:28
  you're
• 1:28
  exhausted.
• 1:29
  How
• 1:30
  you
• 1:30
  respond
• 1:30
  when
• 1:31
  something
• 1:31
  feels
• 1:31
  off.
• 1:32
  How
• 1:32
  you
• 1:33
  ignore
• 1:33
  your
• 1:33
  own
• 1:34
  needs
• 1:34
  to
• 1:34
  keep
• 1:35
  things
• 1:35
  moving.
• 1:37
  Your
• 1:37
  habits
• 1:38
  don't
• 1:38
  lie
• 1:38
  if
• 1:38
  they
• 1:39
  snitch.
• 1:39
  Because
• 1:40
  if
• 1:40
  you
• 1:40
  say
• 1:40
  you
• 1:40
  love
• 1:41
  yourself
• 1:41
  but
• 1:41
  you
• 1:41
  are
• 1:42
  constantly
• 1:42
  abandoning
• 1:43
  yourself,
• 1:44
  something
• 1:44
  is
• 1:45
  misaligned
• 1:46
  and
• 1:46
  a
• 1:46
  lot
• 1:46
  of
• 1:46
  women
• 1:47
  don't
• 1:47
  even
• 1:47
  realize
• 1:48
  they're
• 1:48
  doing
• 1:48
  it.
• 1:49
  They
• 1:50
  make
• 1:50
  a
• 1:50
  mistake
• 1:50
  and
• 1:50
  immediately
• 1:51
  go
• 1:51
  harder.
• 1:52
  Instead
• 1:52
  of
• 1:52
  resting,
• 1:53
  they
• 1:53
  miss
• 1:53
  something
• 1:54
  and
• 1:54
  punish
• 1:54
  themselves.
• 1:55
  Instead
• 1:55
  of
• 1:55
  asking
• 1:56
  what
• 1:56
  they
• 1:56
  need,
• 1:57
  they
• 1:57
  feel
• 1:58
  something
• 1:58
  in
• 1:58
  their
• 1:58
  bodies
• 1:59
  and
• 1:59
  ignore
• 1:59
  it
• 1:59
  because
• 2:00
  slowing
• 2:00
  down
• 2:00
  feels
• 2:01
  inconvenient.
• 2:02
  That's
• 2:02
  not
• 2:03
  discipline.
• 2:03
  That
• 2:04
  is
• 2:04
  disconnection.
• 2:05
  And
• 2:05
  over
• 2:06
  time,
• 2:06
  disconnection
• 2:07
  chips
• 2:07
  away
• 2:08
  at
• 2:08
  your
• 2:08
  confidence.
• 2:10
  Now
• 2:10
  let's
• 2:10
  talk
• 2:10
  about
• 2:11
  what
• 2:11
  this
• 2:11
  actually
• 2:11
  looks
• 2:11
  like
• 2:12
  in
• 2:12
  real
• 2:12
  life.
• 2:13
  Some
• 2:13
  habits
• 2:14
  that
• 2:14
  quietly
• 2:15
  say
• 2:15
  I
• 2:15
  don't
• 2:16
  fully
• 2:16
  have
• 2:17
  my
• 2:17
  own
• 2:17
  back
• 2:18
  are
• 2:18
  pushing
• 2:18
  through
• 2:19
  exhaustion
• 2:19
  instead
• 2:19
  of
• 2:20
  resting.
• 2:21
  Ignoring
• 2:21
  your
• 2:21
  intuition
• 2:22
  because
• 2:22
  you
• 2:22
  don't
• 2:23
  want
• 2:23
  to
• 2:23
  rock
• 2:23
  the
• 2:23
  boat.
• 2:24
  Talking
• 2:25
  to
• 2:25
  yourself
• 2:25
  in
• 2:26
  ways
• 2:26
  that
• 2:26
  you
• 2:26
  would
• 2:26
  never
• 2:27
  talk
• 2:27
  to
• 2:27
  a
• 2:27
  friend
• 2:29
  over.
• 2:29
  Committing
• 2:30
  and
• 2:30
  then
• 2:30
  resenting
• 2:31
  everyone
• 2:31
  involved,
• 2:32
  including
• 2:32
  yourself.
• 2:34
  Scrolling
• 2:35
  instead
• 2:35
  of
• 2:35
  sitting
• 2:35
  with
• 2:36
  your
• 2:36
  feelings
• 2:37
  and
• 2:37
  staying
• 2:38
  silent
• 2:38
  when
• 2:38
  something
• 2:39
  doesn't
• 2:39
  feel
• 2:39
  right.
• 2:41
  Now,
• 2:41
  none
• 2:42
  of
• 2:42
  this
• 2:42
  means
• 2:42
  that
• 2:42
  you're
• 2:42
  broken.
• 2:43
  It
• 2:43
  just
• 2:43
  means
• 2:44
  you
• 2:44
  were
• 2:44
  taught
• 2:44
  to
• 2:44
  survive,
• 2:45
  not
• 2:46
  to
• 2:46
  honor
• 2:46
  yourself.
• 2:48
  A
• 2:48
  lot
• 2:49
  of
• 2:49
  women
• 2:49
  have
• 2:49
  learned
• 2:50
  that
• 2:50
  productivity
• 2:50
  equals
• 2:51
  worth,
• 2:52
  that
• 2:52
  being
• 2:52
  needed
• 2:53
  equals
• 2:53
  value,
• 2:54
  that
• 2:55
  rest
• 2:55
  is
• 2:55
  earned
• 2:56
  and
• 2:56
  not
• 2:56
  required,
• 2:58
  that
• 2:58
  emotions
• 2:59
  are
• 2:59
  an
• 2:59
  inconvenience.
• 3:01
  So
• 3:02
  habits
• 3:02
  adapt
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  that
• 3:03
  belief
• 3:05
  and
• 3:05
  your
• 3:05
  nervous
• 3:05
  system
• 3:06
  learned
• 3:07
  keep
• 3:07
  going,
• 3:08
  don't
• 3:09
  stop,
• 3:10
  don't
• 3:10
  feel,
• 3:12
  don't
• 3:12
  need.
• 3:13
  But
• 3:14
  confidence
• 3:14
  doesn't
• 3:15
  grow
• 3:15
  in
• 3:15
  that
• 3:15
  environment.
• 3:16
  It
• 3:16
  actually
• 3:17
  withers.
• 3:20
  Now,
• 3:21
  self
• 3:21
  love
• 3:21
  isn't
• 3:22
  about
• 3:22
  perfection.
• 3:22
  It's
• 3:23
  about
• 3:23
  consistency.
• 3:24
  It's
• 3:24
  about
• 3:25
  choosing
• 3:25
  yourself
• 3:25
  in
• 3:26
  Small
• 3:26
  unglamorous
• 3:27
  ways
• 3:27
  over
• 3:28
  and
• 3:28
  over
• 3:29
  and
• 3:29
  over
• 3:29
  again
• 3:31
  is
• 3:31
  asking
• 3:31
  what
• 3:31
  do
• 3:32
  I
• 3:32
  need
• 3:32
  right
• 3:32
  now?
• 3:33
  And
• 3:33
  actually
• 3:33
  answering
• 3:34
  honestly.
• 3:35
  Even
• 3:35
  if
• 3:36
  the
• 3:36
  answer
• 3:36
  is
• 3:37
  inconvenient,
• 3:39
  it's
• 3:39
  letting
• 3:40
  your
• 3:40
  habits
• 3:40
  reflect
• 3:41
  respect
• 3:41
  instead
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  punishment.
• 3:43
  Psychology
• 3:44
  actually
• 3:44
  tells
• 3:44
  us
• 3:45
  that
• 3:45
  self
• 3:45
  compassion,
• 3:46
  rest,
• 3:46
  mindfulness
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  boundaries
• 3:48
  aren't
• 3:48
  extras.
• 3:49
  They
• 3:49
  literally
• 3:50
  help
• 3:50
  regulate
• 3:51
  your
• 3:51
  nervous
• 3:51
  system.
• 3:52
  They
• 3:53
  improve
• 3:53
  emotional
• 3:54
  regulation,
• 3:55
  and
• 3:55
  they
• 3:55
  strengthen
• 3:56
  self
• 3:56
  trust.
• 3:58
  When
• 3:58
  you
• 3:58
  practice
• 3:59
  self
• 3:59
  love
• 4:00
  daily,
• 4:00
  your
• 4:00
  confidence
• 4:01
  strengthens.
• 4:02
  Naturally,
• 4:03
  your
• 4:03
  boundaries
• 4:03
  get
• 4:03
  clearer,
• 4:04
  your
• 4:04
  decisions
• 4:05
  feel
• 4:05
  steadier.
• 4:06
  Your
• 4:06
  self
• 4:07
  trust
• 4:07
  deepens.
• 4:08
  Not
• 4:08
  because
• 4:09
  you're
• 4:09
  doing
• 4:09
  more,
• 4:09
  but
• 4:10
  because
• 4:10
  you're
• 4:10
  finally
• 4:11
  listening.
• 4:13
  So
• 4:13
  let's
• 4:13
  make
• 4:13
  this
• 4:13
  real
• 4:14
  simple.
• 4:14
  Here's
• 4:15
  one
• 4:15
  habit
• 4:16
  that
• 4:16
  you
• 4:16
  can
• 4:16
  start
• 4:16
  today.
• 4:18
  Once
• 4:18
  a
• 4:19
  day
• 4:19
  I
• 4:19
  want
• 4:19
  you
• 4:20
  to
• 4:20
  pause
• 4:20
  and
• 4:20
  ask
• 4:21
  yourself,
• 4:22
  am
• 4:23
  I
• 4:23
  acting
• 4:23
  from
• 4:23
  care
• 4:24
  or
• 4:25
  from
• 4:25
  pressure?
• 4:27
  Pressure
• 4:28
  sounds
• 4:28
  like
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  should
• 4:29
  just
• 4:29
  push
• 4:30
  through.
• 4:31
  I
• 4:31
  don't
• 4:31
  have
• 4:31
  time
• 4:32
  for
• 4:32
  this.
• 4:33
  I'll
• 4:33
  deal
• 4:33
  with
• 4:33
  this
• 4:34
  later.
• 4:35
  Care
• 4:35
  sounds
• 4:36
  like
• 4:37
  I
• 4:37
  need
• 4:37
  to
• 4:38
  pause.
• 4:39
  I
• 4:39
  need
• 4:40
  clarity.
• 4:41
  I
• 4:42
  need
• 4:42
  support.
• 4:44
  I
• 4:44
  need
• 4:44
  rest.
• 4:46
  That
• 4:47
  one
• 4:47
  question
• 4:48
  builds
• 4:48
  self
• 4:48
  trust.
• 4:49
  Because
• 4:49
  every
• 4:50
  time
• 4:50
  you
• 4:50
  respond
• 4:51
  with
• 4:51
  care,
• 4:51
  you
• 4:52
  are
• 4:52
  telling
• 4:52
  yourself,
• 4:53
  I'm
• 4:53
  safe
• 4:53
  with
• 4:54
  me.
• 4:55
  And
• 4:55
  confidence
• 4:55
  grows
• 4:56
  fastest
• 4:56
  when
• 4:57
  you
• 4:57
  trust
• 4:57
  yourself.
• 5:00
  So
• 5:00
  let
• 5:00
  me
• 5:01
  leave
• 5:01
  you
• 5:01
  with
• 5:01
  this.
• 5:01
  Your
• 5:02
  habits
• 5:02
  are
• 5:02
  not
• 5:03
  judging
• 5:03
  you.
• 5:03
  They
• 5:04
  are
• 5:04
  informing
• 5:05
  you.
• 5:05
  They
• 5:05
  are
• 5:06
  showing
• 5:06
  you
• 5:06
  where
• 5:06
  your
• 5:07
  self
• 5:07
  love
• 5:07
  needs
• 5:08
  reinforcement.
• 5:09
  And
• 5:10
  if
• 5:10
  you
• 5:10
  want
• 5:10
  help
• 5:11
  rebuilding
• 5:11
  self
• 5:12
  trust
• 5:12
  and
• 5:12
  small
• 5:13
  real
• 5:13
  ways,
• 5:14
  I
• 5:14
  created
• 5:15
  something
• 5:15
  called
• 5:15
  the
• 5:15
  Confidence
• 5:16
  Kit.
• 5:17
  It's
• 5:17
  designed
• 5:17
  for
• 5:18
  everyday
• 5:18
  moments
• 5:19
  when
• 5:20
  your
• 5:20
  mind
• 5:20
  spirals,
• 5:21
  when
• 5:21
  you
• 5:21
  start
• 5:22
  shrinking,
• 5:23
  when
• 5:23
  you
• 5:23
  need
• 5:23
  something
• 5:24
  solid
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  come
• 5:24
  back
• 5:25
  to.
• 5:26
  Inside
• 5:26
  you'll
• 5:26
  find
• 5:27
  grounding
• 5:27
  tools,
• 5:28
  self
• 5:28
  talk,
• 5:28
  resets,
• 5:29
  and
• 5:29
  confidence
• 5:30
  anchors
• 5:30
  you
• 5:31
  can
• 5:31
  use
• 5:31
  in
• 5:32
  real
• 5:32
  time.
• 5:34
  This
• 5:35
  free
• 5:35
  resource
• 5:35
  is
• 5:36
  linked
• 5:36
  in
• 5:36
  the
• 5:36
  show
• 5:36
  notes.
• 5:37
  And
• 5:37
  if
• 5:37
  this
• 5:38
  note
• 5:38
  gave
• 5:38
  you
• 5:38
  clarity,
• 5:39
  share
• 5:39
  it
• 5:39
  with
• 5:40
  a
• 5:40
  woman
• 5:40
  who's
• 5:40
  learning
• 5:40
  how
• 5:41
  to
• 5:41
  choose
• 5:41
  herself
• 5:41
  again.
• 5:42
  And
• 5:43
  remember,
• 5:43
  you're
• 5:44
  not
• 5:44
  behind.
• 5:44
  You're
• 5:45
  becoming
• 5:45
  more
• 5:45
  intentional.