Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Enhancing Your Relationships: Mastering Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 27

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Enhancing Your Relationships: Mastering Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 27 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, we are back again for another episode of the Pillowfort Sessions from the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast Campfire with a K.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Kinky, obviously with a K.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: This is your hostess with the mostess.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: It just rhymes, I like saying it, the ephemeral El Comedin, the Cuddle Gigolo, professor Fluff and Stuff, colonel McBee or HH Julius, here today to talk to you, camp, about a topic which I think is good for awareness purposes.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: You probably already know about it, but you don't know as much as you think you do.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm here to break it down for you, but before we get into that, we have our ASMR 30 seconds.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I'm just probably going to talk about it Once again.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I'm drinking a sparkling ice plus caffeine, zero sugar.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Blue raspberry as you know, we like the raspberries for raspberry.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Once again, not sponsored, but we would be.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: You know Julius is a whore for the sponsorships, don't have it as of yet, but always taking applications and reaching out to all the different people.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: So let us begin this ASMR five seconds, really quickly, and three, two, one.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've made it five seconds without coughing.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Oh God, I'm coughing, it's crazy.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, we are going to talk about a topic here today.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Let's get serious as much as we can.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: People, we are very serious here around the Kiki Campfire.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: As you know, we take everything seriously.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully everybody enjoyed the last episode with my new friend, shannon Elliott.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Today we're back with the Pillowfort fort sessions because you know, julius likes to get down on a specific topic and break it all down for you.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Here we are today and today's topic is communication.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Specifically, let us learn how to communicate effectively.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go over the definition, the importance, and then break down some of the tenets, the pillars, the fundamentals of why communication or how to communicate effectively, something I specifically want to talk about and probably teach someday.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: As y'all know, the Pillow Force sessions are about a 30-minute episode where I get to practice a specific topic that I would like to teach at some point.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Not'm not going to teach about every single topic that I talk about, but it's always good practice.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: We're talking about practice.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I am talking about practice right now.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you, ai.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, to define communication.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It is the process of exchanging information in a way that is clear, concise and understood by the recipients there's parentheses S recipients.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: So clear, concise and understood, which we all know.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: That communication in general is not always concise, it's not always clear and it's not always understood.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: There's assumptions there, and you know Julius hates his assumptions.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, we want to do away with the assumptions as much as we can.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Good Lord, almighty, please, and thank you.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: We do not want that.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry and thank you.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, we don't want this anymore.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: No more assumptions.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: We are done away with assumptions.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get on my high horse again about assumptions.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Let's get rid of them, please.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Goodness, gracious almighty.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Clear communication, concise communication, understandable communication this is what we're here for.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Communication can be verbal, written, visual or nonverbal.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: As we know, there's all the different types of communication.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: It can take place in person, over the phone or online.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: We know the video chats and I'll say that also.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Like the video chats and just talking online on the phone or like a hands-free call, voice chat online.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I am very much a nonverbal person, so I know for me the lack of nonverbals that happens when you're just doing a voice chat or a call is particularly tough for me, so I prefer in-person.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I need to feel your essence and some of the assumptions can be made there, because all you have to go is with like tone and pauses and stuff and it's like, oh goodness gracious, here we go with this again.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: But I understand for those people that out there that have trouble with the voice communication.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I understand and I feel you, julius, is here to understand and feel your pain.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I validate you, dear friend.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: It is tough to talk to people when you only could hear their voice.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: But some people are actually good at it and I am jealous of you people, julie's jealous, yes, yes, yes, they is.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: So that is unfortunate, but we have clearly defined what communication is and hopefully we can help you be more effective, concise, understandable.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the importance of communication, effective communication because it's part of all relationships.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's the main reason.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: It's not just for people that are in romantic relationships or that kind of thing.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Also, friendships, family, ships, all those different kind of things.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I would say even work relationships or acquaintanceships would be good as well.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I would say even work relationships or acquaintanceships would be good as well, and it's essential for the healthiness of that relationship, not just the effectiveness of it, it's good for the health of it.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: If you wanted to keep it going in a healthy, effective way, then these steps are here for you.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: All relationships have their ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and build a stronger and healthier relationship.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: We often hear how important communication is, but not what it is and how we can use it for good in our relationships.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, so a lot of people don't realize this and hopefully you learned something new today.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I am your awareness coach, manager, attendee, the caller person that they say I forgot what it was called that just yells out information back in the old timey days.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: That sits on the corner.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Not one of the Jesus freaks out there, goodness, just yelling at people when they're drunk downtown or something like that.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not one of those.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: We're just out here sharing that good word, which is effective communication in this particular episode.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: All right, here we go.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Tips for effective communication.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about these.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, first, the one that we're going to talk about clear and concise.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: We said that in the definition exchanging information, which is interesting because it's in the definition, but yet we don't really harp on this point.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Clear and concise Keep your messages brief and to the point, okay, so a lot of people like to ramble, as we all do, as people in the world, on this mortal plane like to ramble.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we ramble to the point of confusion.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Let us try to keep our ramblings to conciseness, unless you're having just a regular old conversation.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: But we're talking about effective communication here.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: We want to exchange information that is understandable and we cannot do that if we are rambling and obscuring our main points.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: We got to be very brief and concise Brief, clear.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Get to the point.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: People.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Let us get to the point.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Number two, which I would say is probably more important than number one, is being an active listener.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: When you're in communications with somebody, being able to listen as well as talk is effective.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I hope I can say that more clearly and concisely being able to listen as well as talk is how you build effectiveness in your communication.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Pay attention to the other person's tone of voice, their body language and other nonverbal cues.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, I know that it's tough to go on and make a judgment call based on somebody's tone or the way they look or something like that, or if they're breathing heavy or whatever it is, but take it all into account.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, as an active listener, I know your gut wants to tell you all different kinds of things, and that is good, because you should listen to your gut in most cases, but let us take time as humans to all take in all the different things as a uh as um.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I'll take in all the different things as a uh as um.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You know, take in all information before making a judgment.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I would just ask that.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: But yeah, but you know, if your alarm bells are going off in your gut and it's telling you get away from this person for whatever reason, then you know, listen to that first.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: But if you're just having a conversation, trying to be effective in communication with somebody that you know you trust for the most part, then yes, take everything into account Tone of voice, body language and other nonverbal cues, all right.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Number three be empathetic, empathetic, epathetic, epathetic.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Be empathetic.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Show that you care about the other person's perspective and feelings.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Now, I understand not so much, probably, in a work relationship, even though I would argue that that is probably helpful for that type of relationship as well but showing that you care about the person's feelings and perspective, again, this is effective communication.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Take as much of that as you will if you want to keep communicating with this person.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying you want to strengthen your bond with this person.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: If you do care about that, then go ahead and talk about uh, make sure you're aware of the person's feelings and their perspective, okay, uh, yeah, that's one of those take it or leave it things.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: It's up to you.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I'm just here to share information.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: People, go and do your own research.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I I'm just giving you making you aware of the situation and all those different things, all right.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Number four know your audience.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Consider who you're communicating with, what they care about and how to reach them.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, if I'm talking about comic books with somebody and they don't know anything about it and they just don't care, then why am I still continuing to converse with them?
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, a lot of alliteration there.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Know who you're talking about.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: A lot of people just like talking about random things and then they have no conscious sense that the people they're talking to actually care about what they're talking about.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Why waste your time if people don't care what you're talking about?
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Just move on to other people, to other people.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Find a different group of people that care about what you're talking about.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Don't understand this.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: People are wasting energy on this stuff and they don't catch a clue.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: This is where they pay it.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: As an active listener, you should also pay attention to people's non-verbals.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: If they act like they want to get away from the conversation, then let them go Talk to other people.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: There's plenty of people to talk to.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Number five whatever.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Use multiple communication modes.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Employing different channels can help the audience understand the subject matter better.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I know for me.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I like to write stuff down and pictures help.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So if I'm trying to learn something, especially in a learning situation, I need pictures.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: People try to just talk to me about stuff and like I don't know what.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: You can explain to me all you want about something.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's like I, I'm, you, lost me.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I'm a visual learner, especially if you're trying to do something anecdotally.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Uh, good storytelling helps.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: You know a good that, and I want to point out right now, too, that good storytelling is actually a skill.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It's something you have to practice.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: There is no, there is no.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Ah, that person is better at it than I am.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: No, go ahead and try to learn how to tell an actual story.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: There are specific points of telling a story.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do an episode on that.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Good storytelling helps get your point across.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, multiple communication modes that's one of them.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: It's a skill you can learn.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Let's work on these habits and then get better Good habits, people, goodness gracious.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, number six ask questions.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Asking questions can help you gather more information and reduce miscommunication.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: A lot of people like to jump to conclusions, make assumptions once again.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Ask questions.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: There are dumb questions, but ask them anyway.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: If people judge you for having bad questions, if people judge you for asking dumb questions, then you don't need to talk to those people.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I would take that as like a litmus test.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, if those people judge you, then get away from them.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Find a new group of people, because that's pretty messed up.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: There are dumb questions, but you shouldn't be feeling bad for asking it.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I myself have learned to ask the dumb question.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: It's just how it is.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Somebody has to ask it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I need the information, and you know what I'm tired of assumptions.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Julius does not like assumptions, so we keep talking about third person that way.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: So hopefully it sticks in somebody's mind Do away with the assumptions.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Good Lord, say the words.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying it as an avoidant, as a retired avoidant, attachment style, working on it.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Anyway, we're almost there.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: We're like past the halfway point, but a lot of the times we like to speak with our mind, but nobody has ESPN.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, nobody's a mind reader psychic.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: You can't read what's on your mind, you have to speak the words.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: So there's that whole assumption thing there.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: It's like we don't want to use the words to say the thing we need to get across.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: We just kind of want to.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: You know psychokinesis people and it's like, no, that's not how that works.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: You have to say something, ask questions as well, don't make assumptions.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: They're horrible, all right.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: And lastly, effective communication tips.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Resolve conflicts.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Being able to avoid or resolve conflicts in a professional manner can help you create a better environment in general uh, workplace, home place, uh, social place, all those different things.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, it is a.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: It sucks to have conflicts and sometimes you just want to avoid them completely, but sometimes we're just going to have to walk right in there and suck it up because conflicts are going to happen, especially when you're dealing with people.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Hello, we're all people.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: We have views and opinions that are our own and some people may agree or disagree with that, which leads into a conflict.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: And, once again, avoiding assumptions helps you resolve conflicts faster.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: You can't be a conflict avoider.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: It's not possible to go through your whole life and not have a conflict or run away from it.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you're going to be living very long.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: You're going to be a very isolated type person there with that issue Because, yeah, you're going to have conflicts.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to practice now to learn how to resolve conflicts effectively.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say as quickly as possible, take the time to resolve the conflict as best you can, because that's going to be a thing forever.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: If you're socializing with people, okay, tips Now we're getting into communicating clearly in a relationship.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: All right, because a lot of the things we do here around the Kinky Can Fire Pillow Fort Sessions is we are dealing with relationships, dynamics, whatever.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Have you All the different things.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: We are fans, practitioners of non-monogamy and the BDSM lifestyle, so we have a lot of relationships.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Most of the time, it is people that we are romantically, sexually in relationships.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I mean platonic relationships too.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: We talked about the attraction, different types of attractions.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: So, however you want to say it, until we get the words to actually explain that we're going to be.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: This is what we're talking about now in this next part of the episode.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, no matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read each other's mind.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, look at that.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I believe Julius said that just a few minutes ago.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Each person has different communications needs and styles.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I believe somebody talked about the love languages in a previous episode as well.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: That goes along with it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: We need to talk about these things.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Couples sure couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their relationship.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: It will not ever be perfect all the time.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's impossible.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Nobody is perfect.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: No human being or living creature on this planet is perfect.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: It requires practice and hard work.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're going to make mistakes, campsters.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you this right now.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Mistakes will happen.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: It's impossible not to have them.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: And what happens when we have mistakes?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Hopefully, we learn from them and grow.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Evolution does not happen without recovering from mistakes.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It is impossible.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: You are not perfect.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to tell you this.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry if your parents told you this, good for them, for you know building up your confidence Not you know my opinion not in a great way, because everybody is not perfect.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: You will make mistakes.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: It is unavoidable.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Learn to take metrics, take notes, whatever have you, write a catalog, journal, book, whatever.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: When you have a mistake, take the time to work on that mistake.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I myself have made many mistakes and taken many years recovering from those mistakes and working on those mistakes so they do not happen in the future.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: But if I did not go out and try to experience the thing whatever it is, I will not have made the mistakes, I will not have grown.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, do this believes Mistakes help you to grow, evolve, all those kind of things.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: It's not possible just to sit back and learn.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: You have to go and experience Learned experience.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: You have to go out, learn and experience it together.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: They are hand in hand, they are meshed together.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Take your hands and wrap your fingers around each other, give yourself a finger hug.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: It is the thing that's together.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: It is learned.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Experience, goodness, okay.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: So with that in mind, we are experiencing communications and we are making mistakes and we are learning.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So here's some tips for that.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Try to, when you're having a communication you want it to be effective set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So remember before we were talking about in general communications.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Now we are talking about relationship, intercommunications, you with your partners once again, with the parentheses S whoever you want to talk to, set aside time to talk without interruption from other people and distractions like phones, computers and television.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I myself make it a policy boundary rule.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it is for myself.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: It's a standard, standard operating procedure for myself that when I am spending time with a partner it's a date night or whatever I put my phone away and I do not talk about anything serious with a partner.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: It's a date night or whatever I put my phone away and I do not talk about anything serious with a TV or movie or something going on.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: That is not something I do.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I prefer to have quality time.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: As you've heard before, is my love language quality time my number one love language, and for me, quality means one time without distractions or interruptions.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Now, if it's an emergency, I understand friend and family, whoever have you communicates, you should answer those communications, but I put my phone down as to not be distracted when I am spending time with my partners.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's how it is.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Nextly, thusly following Make your communications clear so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Do away with consumptions.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Once again, we talk about clear, concise communication.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Make it clear.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Write it down if you need to.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to learn with my neuro spiciness.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I have to write stuff down, otherwise I'll forget it.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Don't be like I didn't ever say that.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, actually I did there.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: It is right there Written down in her text message.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Yep, that happened.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, yep, I said that and I don't even remember.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Nestle, nestle, nestle, nestle.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Talk about what is happening and how it affects you.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Big thing people.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you about this, but if you're in a romantic relationship with somebody, feelings are a big thing.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Stating those feelings and observing when you have those feelings is very important.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: All right, I don't know about you.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: I prefer to get in relationships with people that care about my feelings and I also care about their feelings.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: So stating how and why and what and when and where is happening and affecting you is a key to clear communication in relationships.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I just want to tell you all that, if you all don't know this, I am the awareness mentor, coach, professor, whatever you want to call me.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Julius is here to tell you about all the things and make you aware of them.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I'm here for you.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Nextly, talk about what you want, need and feel oh, there's that word again feelings.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Use I statements such as I need, I want, I feel I would just let you all know that you statements are very accusatory and put people on the defensive.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: So when you're talking about something serious, make sure you use I statements.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, you have boundaries.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: You do not make rules for other people.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: That's the difference between a rule and a boundary Boundary for you rules for other people.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: We do not give people other rules, especially in relationships.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: That's absolutely horrible.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: It's destructive to a relationship.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Now, you can take that as an opinion if you want to, but it's based on actual fact.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: But once again, julius recommends you do your own research on this thing.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not a professional.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I Again, julius recommends you do your own research on this thing.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not a professional.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I should say that as a disclaimer right in the middle of the episode.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I am not a professional.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I do not know what I'm talking about.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not Sigmund Freud, I am not Jacquez Martez or whoever, carl Jung.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I am not a doctor or a professional.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I simply pass on information that I have gathered myself I believe in.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm telling you people, because I believe in it and I want everybody to know.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: But do your own damn research.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not an end, all be all, just as a gate, not even a gatekeeper.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I'm here opening up the rainbow road for you.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: The start line.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I'm the guy on the the toot miss.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: I forgot what the guy's name I'm thinking, mario cart, the guy that holds the starting flag in Mario Kart.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: The guy on the cloud?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: That one has a weird name.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I forgot what it was.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Anyways, moving on from my tangent Number, thusly four, whatever it is, accept responsibility for your own feelings.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Your feelings are your own.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Nobody is entitled to care about your feelings.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I would hope you are with a partner that indeed chooses to care about your feelings.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: I would hope you are with a partner that indeed chooses to care about your feelings.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: If you are not, then why are you in this relationship?
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: I don't understand.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: But you have your own feelings.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: You are responsible for them.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Personal responsibility, informed, consensual.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I'll just say the whole thing.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: But there's that.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Personal responsibility.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, your feelings are your own.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know what else to tell you all there.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Nobody is entitled.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you would hope that you have somebody that cares about them, but nobody's entitled to care about your feelings.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Sorry there.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Millennials Okay, safe spaces I have my own opinions of them, but nobody has to care about what you're saying.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: You hope that happens, all right.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Next, listen to your partner.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: It's kind of what empathy is right there.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: That's the basis for empathy people.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, listen to your partner.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You have to be selfless in that situation.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: If you don't care about your partner's needs, wants and feelings, I don't know why are you in this relationship?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I don't get it All right.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them and how important they are to you.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Now, this is a very important part.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Once again, I'm recovering avoiding attachment.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Important they are to you.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Now, this is a very important part.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Once again, I'm recovering avoidant attachment.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Telling people that you care about them and telling them why and when is helpful for building a strong relationship.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Once again, nobody is psychic.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Nobody can read minds, whatever they may tell you.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: That is not a thing.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, ms Cleo, that is not a thing.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: You can entertain it all you want.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to judge you there.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: You do what you want with your time and money.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: But once again, julius is here to share information.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Psychicism is not real.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Nobody has ESPN.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Nobody can read your mind.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: You have to speak the words, let people know.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: They can't just sit there and assumptions.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: We're not doing that.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: So let people know, be aware of your tone of voice.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: That is a very important thing.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: A lot of people catch tone and then, once they get an aggressive tone, they kind of tune out.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: It's a thing, people.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I've got to tell you that as well.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: And then next, lastly, negotiate and remember that you don't have to be right all the time.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness, yeah, the competition thing.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be right all the time.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you're not going to.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: It's to be right all the time.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately you're not going to.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: That's not going to happen.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: There's going to be times you're going to be wrong.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: People, if the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or and agree or disagree, um, negotiate, compromise, all those different things.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: That last one is take it as you must, but the main point is you are not right all the time.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: It is impossible to be right all the time.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Sorry to tell you this once again.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Julie is here to break all this down for you.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: It's a thing, people, you are not right all the time.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you're not perfect either.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: You're human.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: It's impossible.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, Some nonverbal communication here.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we talked about tone of voice.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: That's important.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: A lot of people catch onto that.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: It's a thing.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Also, your body posture and the expressions on your face your face says a lot and people will read your face and make assumptions from that.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, that is a thing as well, so be mindful of that.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Do you have a stink face?
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: People think you don't like them.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Goodness gracious, I wish I could shake people when they come into social events.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: If you're not smiling and happy it looked like you're happy to be there Nobody's going to want to talk to you.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: And then also with your like partners, if you got a stink face the whole time, they're like well, I guess they don't like me.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: It's the first thing they make it.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: That's the first thing that comes to their mind.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: That happens.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to specifically say that.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Hey, I'm having a bad day.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Let them know Once again, people can't read minds.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: If our feelings don't fit our words, uh-oh, it is often in the nonverbal communication that gets heard and believed.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Saying I love you to your partner with a flat, bored tone of voice gives two very different messages.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying, and unfortunately, we are human.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: We have lizard brains.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: If somebody looks like they don't like us, it doesn't matter what they say.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Obviously, that is the truth.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: So be mindful of your nonverbal.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: If you are having issues with your partner, maybe you should look in the mirror and see what kind of face you're making.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's all I got to say about that.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Tips for good listening.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, so, as we round up this episode here, I'm running out of time.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: We have good listening tips.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I said it once before being a good listener is good, so we will go through this.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Being a good listener is good.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, obviously, julius, being a good listener helps with effective communication.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: That was better way of saying that.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, tips, let's go through these.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: There's like 10 of them or so, maybe like 20.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, keep comfortable eye contact.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Uh, that is a cultural thing I mean.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like japan, it's actually bad manners to look somebody in the face.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, be careful of that.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: But uh, in america, looking and eye contact is a sign of respect.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, just be culturally, just be culturally aware.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to really talk too much about different cultures although that is a thing Nobody knew that Lean towards the other person and make gestures, show interest and concern, although obviously don't be too creepy with it.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: If you're having a serious conversation and you want somebody like leaning in, you can smell them or they can smell you.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: That's a little too close.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Have an open, non-defensive, fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, crossed arms, if people do not know, is a guarded position, your arm automatically being seemingly defensive when you have your arms crossed.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: That's why people look at you strange if you have your arms crossed, even though you might be just cold and trying to keep warm.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Sorry, that is a defensive position.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: People are not going to want to talk to you, including your partner, if your arms are crossed.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Face the other person.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Don't sit or stand sideways.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, that is another respect thing.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Looking at the person and facing in their direction means you are paying attention, literally.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, I understand people are like listen, once again, julius is here to make you aware.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so if you're having ineffective communication, that's probably because you are sitting sideways or not looking at the person.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Sorry, to break it to you.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: In general, that's what people think.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Sit or stand on the same level to avoid looking up or down at the other person.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, another way of facing towards them.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Avoid distracting gestures such as visiting, glancing at papers or tapping your feet or fingers.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's very distracting, makes it seem like you don't want to pay attention to the person.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Be aware that physical barriers, like noises and interruptions, will make good communication difficult.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: So, once again, put the phone away and anything else TVs, laptops, whatever it is put them away.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: So make sure you are effective with your quality time with said person.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Let the other person speak without interruption.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Show genuine attention and interest.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Be aware of your tone.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: Once again, be prepared to take time out of you.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: If you are feeling really angry about something, it might be better to calm down.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that is kind of important.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Do not have communication when you're anxious or stressed.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: It's just not good.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Go to your happy place.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I mean literatively and figuratively.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Go to your happy place.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I know for me it is the bed.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: If I'm having a conversation outside anywhere, it could be in the middle of the woods, somewhere.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I am not 100% paying attention.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I had to figure that out for myself my happy place and best place for me to sit and have an effective communication conversation, whatever it is, is in my bed.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I define that.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Some people don't know where that is and you wonder why your conversations are going bad.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: You're having a lot of conflicts with your partners.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: It's probably because you're not in your happy place.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: You got to go to a place where you are comfortable and can pay attention without distraction.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, just letting you all know that is a thing.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Metrics people, we got to pay attention without distraction.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, just letting y'all know that is a thing.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Metrics people, we got to pay attention.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Awareness training.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Captain Coach, professor Julia's here for you.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, which a lot of people don't do here, ask for feedback on your listening from the other person.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Now, this is a crucial tip.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: It's the last tip, but most effective Ask for feedback.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: That is great.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, does it look like I'm paying attention to you?
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Does it seem like I'm genuinely interested in what you're talking about?
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Yes, no, maybe Check the box.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Let me know.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't do this and it's like oh, hey, maybe if you look like you actually care when people talk, they'll keep talking to you.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: You can make more friends or partners, whatever your goal is.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: It's like oh yes, oh yeah, that makes sense.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I have a stink face, I look like I'm bored.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, why don't people want to talk to me?
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Nobody does this people.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: This is the thing.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Now, a lot of people say, if you're single and you go out and you find a hobby, okay, that's good.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, we will applaud that.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Hey, thank you.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I'm clapping my hands.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know if the mic is picking it up, but that is a thing.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: But if you look at, you don't want to be there and everybody's scared to talk to you.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe you got your arms crossed a lot.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: That's part two.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I mean there's multiple parts.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: To go finding friends and or relationships, you have to one, go somewhere you enjoy being and then act like you like being there.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, a lot of people don't put that two and two together.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Huh, interesting, yes, there's that Okay.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: So, as I've said before, I got one last disclaimer.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Before we get here into the final part of this whole entire thing, there's a little bit of disclaimer.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: I am not a professional.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, julius is not professionally trained.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I'm a couch counselor, if anything.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I read the books and watched the YouTube videos and I did my research for this, so I Googled stuff.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: I am not a professional, okay.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: If you have any major difficulties, talk to your therapist or trained professional counselor, doctor.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Who have you?
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: Psychiatrist, psychologist, all those in between.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I suggest that I'm just going to say that there I am making a podcast, mostly for entertainment purposes.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you did learn something that is a goal of mine and um, information.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: So hopefully you learn both from this podcast episode, but not a professional professional dancing monkey baby.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Look at me.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Everybody.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I can do tricks.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Um, but go out there if you're having serious communication and your relationship, whatever it is, is falling apart.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: You want to keep it together and these steps aren't working for you.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: There are people called counselors, campsters.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Counselors are trained and went to school and got degrees, certifications for this particular thing, okay.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And once again, there are multiple steps to this process.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Just because you tried one or two counselors and they didn't work for you, that's typical.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: And once again, there are multiple steps to this process.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Just because you tried one or two counselors and they didn't work for you, that's typical.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, there's still people.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Once again, people are not perfect.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Got to tell you all that again, that's a thing.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: People are not perfect.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: So you might try for years.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: That's a, yeah, that's a, from coming from experience, years of trying to find a good counselor, that is thing.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: So you might have to keep trying until you find one that works for you, sorry, sorry, especially if they're not in your general area.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: You have to, I don't know, do teleconferencing or something, but it's a thing.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Some people can work with that.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: But, uh, yeah, that and there's.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: We're all out here struggling and I'm just here to let you know.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Julius is here, colonel McBee, cuddle, gigolo, el Comedin, taco Knuckle and all the above, or just Julius.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I'm your entertainment creative, the awareness coach, professor, doctor, whatever doctor in quotations.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: But that is all for now of this episode of the Pillow Force Session from around the Kinky Campfire.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Please, and thank you for all those that continue to download our episodes and I'm hoping that everybody streaming is enjoying it as well.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: We have an Instagram.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: It's called Campfire Kingsters Campfire with a K.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Once again, kingsters is with a K as well.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Please go on there and subscribe and like the post and all that and rate this episode if you're enjoying it.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: I'll probably.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: We'll see with my new friend how scheduling works out, but if everything goes well, take turns doing a regular episode around the Kinky Campfire and the Pillowfort session.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: Because I like talking to y'all, I'm here for you.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Your awareness is my concern.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can't really do anything if you don't do anything with this information, but I'm going to get that information out there.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: It's out there, it's on record, this is out in the public and I know this.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: But that is all for now.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Catch us next time on the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: This is Julius.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Once again, hello.