Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 95. The Power of Learning from Personal Defeat | Virtue

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95. The Power of Learning from Personal Defeat | Virtue · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Today we're gonna talk about learning from personal defeat and I'm gonna start off with a quote from Bruce Lee and I'm gonna refer back to it during this episode.
• 0:10
  So pay close attention cuz it's pretty important.
• 0:14
  "Defeat is a state of mind.
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  No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.
• 0:21
  To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary and its punishment is but an urge for me to exert greater effort to achieve my goal.
• 0:31
  Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong.
• 0:33
  in my doing it is a path leading to success and truth.
• 0:38
  "That is a quote from Bruce Lee.
• 0:40
  It is important to note that Bruce Lee defines defeat not as a mistake or a failure, but as an attitude of giving up or a depressive attitude, a loss of energy.
• 0:51
  We can call it negative self-talk, and are we trying to blame ourselves?
• 0:56
  Are we trying to blame others?
• 0:58
  One way to make this major change in attitude is to take responsibility and reframe the failure.
• 1:06
  Let's discuss this.
• 1:07
  You're listening to Kathie's Coaching podcast.
• 1:09
  I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
• 1:11
  I have been a certified fitness trainer and certified life coach since 2002.
• 1:16
  On this channel, we talk about having a growth mindset, healthy habits, fitness, and even some Reality Transurfing.
• 1:23
  Let's get into the episode.
• 1:25
  We all get knocked down and experience moments where things go wrong.
• 1:29
  it is important to process your feelings about that failure, but you cannot dwell there.
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  It will only hurt you.
• 1:35
  Failure is merely temporary, and if you accept defeat and then stay knocked down instead of getting back up, you must accept defeat.
• 1:44
  To be honestly, truly defeated.
• 1:46
  Now, this week's episode comes from the Virtue Building Program that I have.
• 1:51
  It's a free program and you can sign up for your 12 week program.
• 1:54
  Right straight to your email box at kathieowen.com/virtues.
• 2:02
  When you have a fear of failure, it can be harder to get back up after life knocks you down.
• 2:06
  Working through the feeling of defeat can be more difficult than deciding to stay knocked down.
• 2:11
  It can feel like it's going to be more hard to overcome this battle.
• 2:16
  The answer to your problem is within the problem itself.
• 2:20
  Ironically, this is the case.
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  Define the answer next time you get stuck in.
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  Or what you feel like is defeat, ask yourself the following questions.
• 2:31
  What is it that you are trying to do?
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  Why weren't you able to do it?
• 2:37
  Was it something that was within your power to control?
• 2:40
  Or was it outside of your control?
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  And also, what can you learn from all of this?
• 2:45
  I suggest trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone.
• 2:48
  This can be a great way to find correct answers to those questions.
• 2:53
  It's a learning experience.
• 2:55
  Just look at it that way.
• 2:57
  Right this very minute, I'm going through this very experience.
• 3:02
  In fact, it's too fresh to talk about, but I am learning from this defeat.
• 3:07
  Here is what I found my mentor, Joseph Rodriguez always says, cause and effect are simply theater playing out in the real world in the 3D world.
• 3:18
  The first time I heard this, it did not really totally make sense to me, but every day as I face new challenges, I see this more clearly.
• 3:28
  In a nutshell, it all comes down to responsibility.
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  Make responsibility, a deliberate practice.
• 3:35
  I felt so threatened recently.
• 3:37
  But the bottom line was there was a lack of communication between myself and others.
• 3:43
  On my part, first of all.
• 3:45
  And the end result came with a lesson from failure, and that lesson was extremely valuable.
• 3:52
  Remember my friend.
• 3:53
  It is not what happens that counts.
• 3:55
  It is how you react to it.
• 3:58
  Your mental attitude determines what you make of it.
• 4:01
  Either make it a stepping stone or a stumbling block, and we are all human beings.
• 4:07
  We're going to mess up.
• 4:10
  I had the wrong mindset.
• 4:11
  Yes.
• 4:12
  Even I have the wrong mindset sometimes, but a light bulb went off over my head.
• 4:17
  I forgave myself for my past failures, set new goals, and put my best effort in moving forward.
• 4:23
  You can control how you react to failure.
• 4:25
  What did you learn?
• 4:27
  Can you try a different approach to your endeavor.
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  And what happens if you reposition your view of this situation?
• 4:34
  I found when the middle of a difficult situation that, taking responsibility is an effective belief system that serves me in the long run.
• 4:43
  That responsibility can be as simple as taking charge of your reactivity.
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  Reactivity is simply an emotional symptom of an ego's temper tantrum.
• 4:55
  I know I say this all the time, but I'm gonna repeat it because it's super important.
• 4:59
  Reactivity is simply an emotional symptom of an ego's temper tantrum.
• 5:06
  Oftentimes, we are reactive because what is happening is not in alignment with our heart and intuition.Or put it in Reality Transurfing terms.
• 5:16
  It is not in alignment with our outer intention.
• 5:19
  Our ego wants its own way.
• 5:20
  When we listen to our ego and do not take responsibility for our reactivity, it will always be the wrong answer.
• 5:29
  I'm just sayin! Bruce Lee said, put the different fragments of the dream together and re-own these fragmented parts.
• 5:37
  Re-own the hidden potential of the dream.
• 5:40
  Anytime we are defeated in some way, it is because we are working towards a dream most likely.
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  And when we fail, we can think that all of our effort was worthless.
• 5:50
  But originally there was excitement in our dream.
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  Pick up those pieces of your dream and re-own the dream.
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  Ask your heart and intuition, which are the pieces you should focus on?
• 6:01
  You'll get the answer It is easy to focus on the losses and the difficulties.
• 6:06
  Why not focus on the parts of your journey that were giving you joy, satisfaction, and energy.
• 6:13
  It's not a shame to be knocked down by other people.
• 6:16
  The important thing is to ask when you are being knocked down, why in the heck am I being knocked down?
• 6:23
  If a person can reflect in this way, then there is hope.
• 6:27
  That hope is in the form of taking responsibility for your part in the knockdown that my friend is the right mindset.
• 6:36
  This can be a great starting point in learning from defeat.
• 6:41
  You have to investigate why you are being knocked down and be objective in your understanding of what happened.
• 6:47
  If you're open to growth, then you know that there are things that you can do better.
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  Defeat educates and leads us to the truth.
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  Think of your defeat as a teacher instead of an enemy.
• 7:00
  You know, Bruce Lee also said it is not what happens that is success or failure.
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  But what it does to the heart of a man.
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  No man is defeated unless he is discouraged.
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  Rings so true.
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  When you've lost your heart connection, that is when you are defeated.
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  Don't let the failure break your heart.
• 7:21
  Try and be in relationship with a lesson instead, like my mentor always says, if you don't like where you are right now, find a way to love it.
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  What I have found is this is one of the best belief systems and it has served me on so many occasion.
• 7:39
  Why attention of emotion or negative thought to a situation which is in reality, a passing moment.
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  Do what seems wise to be done.
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  Forget it, and walk on.
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  Do not take a residency in the negativity of failure.
• 7:55
  The sting of defeat is meant to be a wake up call, not a life sentence.
• 8:01
  However, I will add this.
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  Sometimes we need to soak in the negative situation, process it, and understand it.
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  Oh my gosh, I've done this so many times.
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  Once you have done this, you can forget it and walk on.
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  Once the issue has been resolved.
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  For instance, it took me 10 days to process and come to a place of closure on my recent failure, and I wouldn't even call it a failure except for the fact that I beat myself up over this incident that just happens in real life.
• 8:35
  At one point in his life, Thomas Edison had a beloved laboratory that burned under the ground.
• 8:40
  And you may have heard about this story before, cuz it's pretty famous, but Thomas Edison is famously quoted as saying, can you believe it?
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  Rather than saying, oh God, what did I do to deserve this?
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  67 years, I faithfully lived my life and this is what I get in return.
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  Instead, he says, Hey, son, go get your mother.
• 9:02
  This is one unbelievable sight.
• 9:04
  Look at that fire.
• 9:05
  Talk about reframing defeat.
• 9:09
  There are major crisises and tragedies that happen in our lives that we have to struggle through.
• 9:15
  Don't expect yourself to be chipper and upbeat during a tragedy.
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  It is a natural struggle.
• 9:21
  Emotionally, it is tough, but in those crisises, there are threads of growth that you can start to work with if that is a place you want to move out of.
• 9:32
  If you stay present at the moment during the tragedy or crisis, that not every moment is a horrible moment.
• 9:39
  For example, when my friend's brother died, they were actually in a state of shock and grief, but even during this tragedy, there were moments when.
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  Everyone would laugh.
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  They would tell stories about her brother and laugh at what a crazy goofball he was.
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  In those moments, when there's kindness or joyfulness, take them and hold on tight to them.
• 10:04
  You might be in the midst of a bigger problem, but if you can stay present in the moment, there are good moments in there.
• 10:11
  By the waythat is in fact authentic positivity, not toxic positivity, because honestly, positivity is not toxic.
• 10:20
  If you've listened to my content, you know, I say that over and over and over again.
• 10:24
  It's forced, absolutely, but it's never toxic.
• 10:30
  You know, when Bruce Lee was in Hollywood, he was told repeatedly that he was not good enough to be a leading man in the movies or that he had the wrong skin color.
• 10:41
  It could have felt like everyone is telling me this is true.
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  So it must be true.
• 10:47
  but Bruce believed in himself and knew himself.
• 10:50
  What the Hollywood establishment was saying to Bruce was just the mindset of a few people in power.
• 10:56
  At the time, it wasn't true in the general public.
• 11:00
  As soon as Bruce went to a different country, he became a leading man.
• 11:04
  Sometimes you have to switch your position, location, or view of a situation to accomplish what you dream.
• 11:12
  Here is a quote, and I don't know who said this, but think about it for a minute.
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  The control of our being is not unlike the combination of a safe.
• 11:22
  One turn of the knob rarely unlocks a safe.
• 11:25
  Each advance and retreat is a step towards one's goal.
• 11:30
  Wow.
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  You know, that's pretty powerful.
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  Just think about that.
• 11:33
  Opening a combination to a safe, you gotta go forward.
• 11:37
  You gotta go back and you gotta go forward.
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  But it, it, it's each advance and retreat is a step.
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  It's a step towards your goal.
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  Sometimes you have a good thing happen which propels you forward, and then a bad thing that brings you backward.
• 11:51
  Don't get caught up in the small picture.
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  Instead, focus on how you are moving in the right direction toward accomplishing your dream.
• 12:00
  This type of positive attitude will bring about real change.
• 12:05
  the growth mindset person is known as pliable.
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  When a man is living, he is soft.
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  I pliable.
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  When he is dead, he becomes rigid.
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  I always talk about this with fitness, but pliability is life.
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  Rigidity is death.
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  Whether one speaks of his body, his mind, or his soul.
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  With every adversity comes a blessing because a shock acts as a reminder to oneself that we must not get stale in our routines.
• 12:35
  One of the things I have found in my new strategies of life is to be cautious.
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  Of importance.
• 12:40
  Importance is a topic we discuss in Reality Transurfing, and Vadim says it best because when we put something on a pedestal of importance, balance forces will come in and knock it down.
• 12:52
  It's like you're up on that high horse and then all of a sudden something comes in to knock you down.
• 12:57
  That's what happens, but an essential part of the learning process.
• 13:02
  is knowing how to reduce importance.
• 13:05
  What I have found during my most recent learning endeavor is that a big component of responsibility helps reduce importance.
• 13:15
  When you ask, how am I responsible for this defeat, the answer will always come in reducing importance, and oftentimes this comes in reducing the importance of self.
• 13:26
  I'm just sayin.
• 13:29
  So how can you take action from today's episode?
• 13:32
  Um, when you get knocked down by life's or circumstance, how can you reframe it as a learning opportunity?
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  How can you use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself rather than place blame outside of yourself?
• 13:45
  If you've recently been knocked down by something, ask, what would you like to teach me?
• 13:51
  Become your own best friend.
• 13:53
  Try some serious positive self-talk.
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  This will be good for your own mindset and your mental health, and I can promise it will lead to greater success tomorrow.
• 14:03
  And that's very good news, don't you think.
• 14:06
  Here's some journal prompts and they're also in the download of the week at kathieowen.com/virtues.
• 14:14
  Look for the seed of an equivalent benefit in every defeat you experience.
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  This isn't always easy when you've suffered a setback.
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  But it is an important part of the science of personal achievement.
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  The time to begin mastering this skill is now instead of while you're licking your wounds.
• 14:32
  Failure and pain are one language through which nature speaks to every living creature pointing out mistakes.
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  Animals may become timid so that they avoid a threatening situation when it arises.
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  Again, you must become humble so that you can acquire wisdom and understanding.
• 14:52
  Realize that the turning point at which you begin to attain success is usually defined by some form of defeat or failure.
• 15:00
  With this realization, you'd need not accept defeat as a failure, but only as a temporary event that may prove to be a blessing in disguise.
• 15:10
  All right, that's my episode for today.
• 15:12
  I hope you liked it.
• 15:14
  I trust that you found it helpful.
• 15:18
  If you know someone who can benefit from this, please share it with them, and until next time, I'll see you next time.
• 15:26
  Peace out and Namste.