Latest / Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast / Stop solving the wrong problem: emotional eating edition

Transcript

Stop solving the wrong problem: emotional eating edition · Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, welcome to Chatting with Cara.
• 0:02
  I'm Cara, your compassionate life coach, relationship with
• 0:05
  food specialist, and I'm here to help you understand yourself a
• 0:09
  little bit better each week. However you found your way here
• 0:13
  today, I'm glad you're listening.
• 0:14
  Maybe your friend sent you this episode.
• 0:16
  Maybe you've been with me from the start, or maybe you're just
• 0:19
  curious about doing things differently when it comes to
• 0:22
  food, your body, and how you feel about yourself.
• 0:25
  Whatever brought you here, you're in the right place.
• 0:28
  Here's what I do on the show. I have honest, kind
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  conversations about the stuff that's actually holding you
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  back. Not the surface level stuff, the
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  deep stuff, the root causes. Because when you truly
• 0:40
  understand why you think and feel the way you do, then
• 0:44
  everything starts to change. It doesn't feel hard anymore, it
• 0:47
  just feels natural. So get comfortable, make
• 0:50
  yourself a group, and let's have a proper chat about the things
• 0:53
  that matter. This is chatting with Garba.
• 0:57
  Start solving the right problem. Oh yes, today's episode is a
• 1:03
  good one. And I think it's really going to
• 1:05
  resonate with you because you are the smart lady.
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  You are. If you're anything like me,
• 1:11
  which I know you are, you are like, you are like started.
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  Well, how many seconds? We had 21 seconds.
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  I've already said something wrong.
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  Let's start again. You are like me and you are a
• 1:25
  high performer. You are a type A girly.
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  You like a good task, you like to tick things off and you like
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  to be in control. You like to get stuff done, get
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  stuff done efficiently, quickly and with minimal faffing.
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  Although I do like a faff sometime, but a planned faff.
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  But this also comes with some perfectionist tendencies.
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  And this is what I see quite a lot with women, that they go,
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  they're like, right, I've got this problem, I've got this, I
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  need to fix it. And they go and fix it.
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  They go and plug the hole. They go and buy the course.
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  They go and get some advice. And that's all well and good.
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  That's all good. However, they're not fixing the
• 2:16
  right problem. They're fixing the problem that
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  they think they need, not the problem that actually needs to
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  be solved. And that's what it what this
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  podcast is all about. Stop solving the wrong problem.
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  Obviously this is going to be in relation to relationship with
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  food and emotional eating, but it can be applied to other
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  things because it's a really big tendency of ours to go to
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  fixing. Eldest daughter, millennial
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  energy fixing. We like fixing, We like making
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  good and any way that you can do that, you want to do it.
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  However it needs to be the right thing you're fixing.
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  Let me explain. So I'm going to talk today in
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  relationship to emotional eating, which is stress,
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  boredom. It is comforting and a lot of
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  people when they think of emotionally, they're like, I
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  just can't have it. I just can't have it in the
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  house. I just shouldn't do it.
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  They think it's a willpower problem.
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  They think that it's a they need to restrict it.
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  They need to not have it. They need to be like, oh, I just
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  need to just never, ever have that again.
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  Then I don't need to make the decision.
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  However, we're not going there today and I'm going to give you
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  a example which I'm seeing quite a lot at the moment.
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  I I always have seen, but summer brings out this the sugary
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  frappes, the iced coffees, the, you know what I mean?
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  Don't you like the, the syrupy ones, the, the cream on top, the
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  all the like the drizzly things, the sugary coffees?
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  Because I see this in my clients.
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  I see it in my clients. And one client, she didn't
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  really do any sort of emotional eating.
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  And then she came to me out of the blue and she's like, I've
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  started having these sugary coffees on the way back from
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  work. I was like, OK, yes, talk to me
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  more. And she was she's doing a new
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  commute and she's going to on the train to another city and
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  she was finding herself going and getting herself a sugary
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  coffee. And she's like, I don't know why
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  I'm doing this. And she was like, I don't want
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  to do. I don't don't really like the
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  even like the taste of it. What can I do?
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  I was like, OK, I've been here before because I've done this
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  before. I had a sales Rep who was on the
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  on the road and she used to do this and she didn't even like
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  coffee. You don't even like coffee.
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  She's like, I know I'd prefer tea, but she's not spending like
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  £3 on tea. And I was like, oh, I hear you,
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  Hun. So the first thing that I did
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  was I asked her, what is the coffee actually doing for you?
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  What's it doing for you? What is it giving you?
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  Because the the coffee is the symptom.
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  It's not the 'cause we don't need to actually address the
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  coffee. We need to address what's
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  causing the coffee. We don't need to restrict the
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  coffee. I don't need to tell her.
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  She's a very smart woman by the way.
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  I don't need to tell her as her coach, don't drink the coffee
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  because that's not going to work.
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  That's not a long term strategy. That's not something that she's
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  like, OK, yeah, I can definitely take that on board.
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  Carl has told me not to drink the coffee.
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  I'm going to do that. No, we go deep, don't we?
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  We like a bit of deepness here. So first thing Leicester was
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  what is the coffee actually giving you?
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  What's it doing for you? And then I start with a few
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  leading questions that lead on from that.
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  A few specifically designed questions like always, like I
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  know what I'm doing. And what was coming up for her,
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  which was really interesting, was it wasn't that she was like
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  comforting herself. She was actually feeling some
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  emotions that she didn't really want to be feeling.
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  So she was numbing them. She was avoiding them with the
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  coffee. I know Drummore, please, it's
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  not about the coffee. So instead of solving the coffee
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  problem, we solve the the bit underneath.
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  She was feeling anxious. She was feeling a little bit of
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  dread. She was feeling unfamiliar,
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  unfamiliarity. She was feeling a little bit of
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  tiredness as well. She was feeling a little bit
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  fatigued. She was feeling a little bit of
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  stress so with the coaching questions I got these feelings
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  and this coffee. What it was actually doing for
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  her was it was breaking up the day.
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  It was signalling to her that she had got through the day and
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  she was on the go. She was had to be on the top of
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  the game. She was in a position in her job
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  where she's quite senior. She had to be like on it.
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  She had to be the leader, she had to be capable, competent,
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  give off all those things which she is.
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  But it's almost like a mask. You have to like especially,
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  especially she works in like a male dominated environment.
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  She has to be. You have to turn up on your game
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  when you're in a male dominated environment.
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  And coming home, she felt, but she needed something.
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  And this coffee was giving her a pause.
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  It was giving her, she was still doing something, but it'd given
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  her a little bit of relaxing time.
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  It gave her, gave her an excuse really, to go and do something.
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  It gave her time. And then she's literally forced
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  to slow down to drink this coffee.
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  She's not dealing with the anxiousness, she's not dealing
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  with the dread, she's not dealing with the unfamiliarity.
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  She's just soothing herself, comforting with the coffee.
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  So what was it that she actually needed?
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  So we digged. We digged, we dug into this.
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  And actually, she needed to do something that broke up her day.
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  She needed to bring awareness to why she was having the coffee.
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  We need to bring awareness as to why it what was given her.
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  And then she could do something about it.
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  And she was like, yeah, I don't really want the coffee.
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  Actually. I was like, I know.
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  What can we do to create it more familiar?
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  What can we do to decrease that dread and decrease your
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  anxiousness? And we put strategies in place,
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  such as delaying her walk to the train station.
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  So actually she went went a long way through a lovely park, which
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  was better for her firstly from the activity point of view, but
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  also for her mind. It was like she'd got a lovely
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  walk getting outside, no brainer.
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  We then did some planning around the unfamiliarity and we did
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  some planning around optimising her schedule and optimising like
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  when she was going on she was doing everything like that.
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  That worked really well. And then we looked at her
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  anxiousness and it was like what was she feeling a bit anxious
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  about? And I'm not going to go into
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  details because that's personal, but that is what we did some
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  work about that. And you know what?
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  She doesn't have the coffee anymore.
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  Not because I've told her not to, but because she understands
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  the why underneath why she was having it to start off with.
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  She solved the right problem, not the wrong problem.
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  And that's what I do in coaching.
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  That is what I do because it works, it's sustainable and it's
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  ethical. And you might be thinking, Oh
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  yeah, I do sometimes really like a nice sugary frappe.
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  But you might be thinking, oh, I just needed a little pick me up,
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  Just a little pick me up every now and again.
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  You know what I mean? It was like there it was looking
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  at me and Costa, someone else had it in front of me.
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  And you think, oh, I just need a little pick me up because I'm
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  just a bit too stressed at the moment.
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  Bit too busy. Yeah, millennials, we've got
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  this bit too busy to like to to do it.
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  I just want just sort of something quick, easy that I can
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  pick up and fine and I can move on.
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  And I hear you, I hear you. But that's a pattern that you're
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  running. That's a pattern that you're in.
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  And as a smart, capable lady, you can break that.
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  You can break it. And actually once you've broken
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  it, once you've brought awareness to what you do, what
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  you've got so much more self-awareness that it doesn't
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  happen again. So you only need to do it once.
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  It's not like a diet. It's not like a diet where you
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  go, oh, you can't have that. And then someone else goes, oh,
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  you can have that as long as it's within your calories.
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  No, no, because it's all dependent on you.
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  And as a smart, capable woman, why wouldn't you want something
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  dependable on you? You depend on you.
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  Lots of other people probably depend on you.
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  People depend on you for snacks, for packing everything, for
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  backing the hat back in the summer St. anyway, getting
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  getting sidetracked, sidetracked then.
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  But once you do these once, you don't need to do it again
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  because you've created the awareness, you've broken the
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  pattern and you've got the pattern like, Oh yeah, I used to
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  do that. Don't do it anymore.
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  No, no, because it's about solving the right problem.
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  It's not about solving the wrong problem.
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  And actually what you do when you go to the wrong problem, you
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  actually spend more time, you spend more money, you spend more
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  effort. You spend the time that you
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  haven't got doing it wrong. So why don't you spend the time
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  that you have got doing it right?
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  No brainer. The first thing that I want to
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  help you with is this. And then by the way, you can
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  swap out sugary coffee for whisper on the sofa at night.
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  You can swap out sugary coffee for the chocolates in the
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  office. You can swap out sugary coffee
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  for take away on a Friday night. Yeah, I see you.
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  I see you, Hun. Swap it out for a bottle of wine
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  that you didn't really, you were just going to have one glass
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  full of. Yeah.
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  And that what I want you to do, if this reson, if this episode
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  has resonated with you, I want you to head over to the show
• 13:58
  notes and I want you to download my emotional eating guide, the
• 14:02
  Emotional Eating Handbook. Download it and it will come
• 14:06
  straight to your inbox. I want you to have a read of it.
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  Then what I want you to do is give me Adm on social media and
• 14:13
  tell me what you're feeling. And then I'll work it out for
• 14:16
  you and you can solve the right problem.
• 14:19
  Stop solving the wrong problem. Head over to the show notes,
• 14:23
  download the Emotional Eating Handbook all right now after
• 14:27
  you've subscribed the episode and let me know how it goes for
• 14:31
  you. Because I can guarantee once you
• 14:34
  start solving the right problem, you will have food freedom.
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  You will stop thinking about food all the time.
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  You will objectively lose weight.
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  You will feel lighter, brighter, and have more energy.
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  So go and do that now. Then no the Emotional Eating
• 14:55
  Handbook and come back next week for more golden Nuggets from me.
• 15:01
  Thank you very much. Thank you so much for listening
• 15:06
  to me today. If something in this episode
• 15:08
  landed for you, if you've had that moment when you thought,
• 15:10
  oh, that's me, I want you to do something with it.
• 15:14
  Don't just let it sit there. Share this episode with someone
• 15:17
  who needs to hear it. Send the link, tell them you
• 15:20
  need to start listening to Chatting with Carla because this
• 15:23
  work spreads when we talk about it.
• 15:25
  And if you're ready to stop cycling for the same patterns
• 15:29
  and actually do the deep work, it changes everything.
• 15:32
  I'd love to work with you one to one.
• 15:34
  Book yourself for free, no obligation consultation.
• 15:37
  Call in the show notes. We'll chat about what's going on
• 15:40
  for you, where you want to go, and I'll give you the road map
• 15:42
  to get there. If you'd love to share, hit
• 15:45
  subscribe so new episodes drop straight into your library every
• 15:48
  Friday. And please leave a review.
• 15:51
  It helps others find chatting with Cara and build this
• 15:54
  community. You can find me on Instagram and
• 15:57
  Facebook at Koch with Cara or e-mail me at
• 16:01
  cara@kochwithcarak.uk. Until next time.
• 16:06
  Thanks team.