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3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Hit 50 · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: If only I knew then what I know now, or what if I wish I had.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure, like me, you've probably used those sentences a fair few times in your lifetime.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to share with you the three things that I wish it hadn't taken me 50 years to learn.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, grab a kappa and let's dive right in.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Seeking Simplicity Podcast.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be quite a short one today.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to share with you three things that I've been ruminating on, three things that I wish I hadn't taken 50 years to learn.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Having said that, I opened with if only or I wish I knew then what I know now.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you're going to find actually what I'm sharing is a little bit contradictory to that.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because the first thing is I learned that I couldn't be anywhere other than where I am right now.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And by that, I mean the amount of times that you and I will have said, if only I had, if I had made that decision, if I'd left that job, if I'd left that relationship, if I'd married that person, if I had invested this money, if I hadn't done that thing, if I and we can do this thing, and then notice that what happens.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you allow yourself to have that narrative, that conversation in your mind, you create this visual, specific outcome about what you believe would have happened had you made this alternative decision.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this can be a decision that you made six months ago or 60 years ago.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what I come to realize was that when we do that, we are visualizing a more perfect outcome.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: We are telling ourselves that had we made that decision, we would be somewhere different now.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: We would feel different, probably better than what we do right now.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Other things would have shifted, other things would have changed, and we sort of created this more utopia outcome.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is, we have absolutely no idea what would have happened.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because every second of your life is a series of micro sliding door moments.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And even if your brain is creating this whole storyboard of what would have happened, had you married A instead of B, or had you emigrated to Australia instead of staying in Croydon, or if you'd have lost the weight 10 years ago instead of waiting till now, like it's creating this whole storyboard where you are happier, you've been in less pain, things would have worked out better for you.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: But you're not alone in the creation of your life.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's all these other external things going on, and every moment is just like it's things can drop.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know this.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you've had an experience in your life where something changed on a sixpence and you didn't see it coming, and it changed your world, it changed the way you felt, it changed the way you thought about the world.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything just changed in that moment.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when we hold on to the what ifs, if I only done this differently, we're not present to our life now, and we're not present to the fact that our power is now and it's what we do and how we decide to create our future, how we act, what the attitude that we choose.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to share that if you have these conversations in your head, you are not alone.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you the number of times that I've had this conversation with ladies in my community, in my book club, with clients, where they're like, but I should be further along right now.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I should be somewhere different in my life.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting left behind.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody else is doing these other things.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I should have more to show for my time on this earth.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like these are really common thoughts.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to just invite you to think about two things really.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: What yardstick are you measuring with?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like what makes you think you should be further along?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: How would you know when you're further along enough what would be different?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the second thing is, is how much time are you losing?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: How much precious time are you losing in thinking about what could have been different rather than like if I'm not completely present and happy with what I've got now, what is it, what is within my power now to create different?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that for me has been an absolute game changer.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: If I stopped thinking I should be somewhere different, if I stopped thinking I sh I should be different, I should have more, I should do more, I should have achieved more, and I just it and I just became present to my life now.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's been a game changer for me.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I understand like the irony of opening up with this thing about accepting where I am, when I've so often used that thing, if only I had.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've written down here that change doesn't happen in isolation.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, it's like there is no one person, there is no one coach, there is no one healing modality, no one therapy, no one, no, no one strategy, no one weight loss regime, no one exercise, no one anything that's going to create a full-body, life-lasting, lifelong lasting change or transformation.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's just not one thing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I believe we learn in layers.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe, and I don't know whether this is a soul thing, whether it's a fate thing, like I just don't know.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: But this is my belief.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: My belief is that we learn in layers.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: We have an availability for learning different things at different times according to this unseen timeline that I see that I think we have.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And what it's like when we when we learn new things, whether that's just whether we're reading, whether we have a conversation, whether we engage in a course or a certification, um, I feel like it sort of lands where it lands.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why I think you can read like one book 10 times.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you read it, and I think Bob Proctor used to say this every time you read it, you're reading a different book because you are a different person, assuming you've taken some action, of course.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: But this whole thing of change doesn't happen in isolation.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I the image that always comes to my mind is the film Iron Man, when he's built like his all these different numbers of suits, and he stood on this kind of platform, and he stands in the power pose with his arms outstretched and his, you know, in his wide stance, and the little bits of armor start coming one bit at a time, like it'd be his foot, and then it'll be his forearm, then it'll be his chest panel, and then it'll be the his back.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I feel happens.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It it's we we we put ourselves in the space where the next level of learning doesn't just become available, but it lands.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: It lands in us and on us in a completely different way.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you heard this thing 10 years ago and you rejected it because you wasn't ready for it, or you said this, oh, this just isn't me.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't that this does not resonate with me at all.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then now suddenly it lands in a completely different way.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I've I come to this space where now at the beautiful ripe age of 50, um, and having had quite the challenging season over the last four years or so, where I have such a is reverence the word?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have such a passion and a belief and a love for what I'm calling like 5D learning, where we understand that we learn and we re-pattern.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just about taking a piece of knowledge in.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: We can all sit and read a book, we can all go get a degree in something.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is about when the knowledge that you take in not just informs you, but it transforms you.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: When it re-patterns your conditioning, when it removes limitation, when it celebrates you and gives you a different option or uh it raises your expectation or it offers you options that you didn't see before.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to offer you that if you're somebody who, like me in the past, has always been desperate in this search for this thing, this thing that's gonna make you feel whole, this thing that's gonna make you feel certain, this thing that's gonna make your business succeed, or the or the weight fall off, or the soulmate to walk in through your door, or you'll suddenly find yourself living a life of purpose.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for the one thing, it doesn't exist.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Go out and play, go out and engage with different ways of learning.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely tap into your somatic wisdom, tap into the language of your body, learn that learn to hear what your body is saying because your brain will sabotage you a lot until you learn how to control it and you can learn to know when it's a helpful thought or a hindering thought.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that's number two, change doesn't happen in isolation.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's been a very expensive and a very long lesson, but one that I'm extremely grateful for because it's now what I teach.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to the third one, which I've just touched on is like stop relying so much on your brain.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whilst your brain is incredible and pretty damn important if you want to stay alive, it's also got this reptilian nature, I'm sure you've heard of it.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we've got this evolutionary conditioning that keeps us safe, wants to keep us safe and secure.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it often has us making really bad decisions for ourselves.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: It can keep us in a fear state in order to keep us safe and to keep us in survival.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then we've got conditioning, we've got these wired belief systems, expectations, patterns of behavior that at some point served us, at some point they kept us safe, at some point they gave us love, at some point they made us feel connected.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: But we get to a certain age and we're like, why do I just keep like hitting myself up against the same outcome over and over again?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it so hard to break this habit?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it so hard to step into that vision that I really want?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't get there.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because this, this, the the things in your brain, they're neurologically wired throughout your whole body, they're in your musculature, they're in your fascia, they're like at a cellular level.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a different shape that you take on.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then you again, you you you view the world through this pattern, this shape, and you go through the world in that pattern and shape.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: So when we just rely on our brain and we don't bring the body into the equation, I'm trying to think of an analogy off the off the bat, and I just can't.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like going into play a team sport with like one person, you're not gonna win.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be really hard to win your game.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because you're not, you know, you haven't got the you haven't got the bag of golf clubs, like you've got one patter or something.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do sport.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you see where I'm going with that one.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: So when we rely on our brain, we're leaving, in my opinion, the most powerful part in the backseat, which is your body, which is this innate wisdom.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if I was to kind of like sort of summise all of that, it would be because so often we go around and we feel like we've got these holes, these holes that make us feel lacking in some way.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not worthy enough, I'm not clever enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm just not enough of something.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we spend so much of our younger years going around trying to plug, trying to fill these gaps, these holes with more knowledge or a way to look different or a way to achieve something, like with status to plug these holes.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: But invariably, even if we do create these things and we create this outcome, we just find that the holes just reappear, like they're just they're there again.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth of the matter is the only thing that's missing is our ability to see who and what we truly are.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's the conditioning, it's society, it's generational, like it's all these things that have us walking around with these covers over ourselves so that we can't see ourselves clearly.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: How many times, as an example, has somebody given you a compliment and seen something in you, and you bat it back at them and you don't take it because you don't see it for yourself?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: The three things that I wish it hadn't taken me 50 years to learn, but having said all that, knowing that life is a constant series of sliding door moments, knowing that we don't ever get the learning in the outcome.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just cover this again in case you didn't listen to the last episode where I interviewed or had a conversation with Ken.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: If we just take a particular outcome, let's just say you want to lose 30 pounds.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you step on that scale and the weight shows you you've you've lost that final pound and you're 30 pounds down, you learn nothing in that exact moment.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: All of the learning came from the journey that got you on that scale to see that last pound come off.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: All of the discomfort, all of the pain, all of the all of the reviews that you had to do, all of the things that you had to maneuver and change and adapt towards and adapt for.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the learning was.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And yet we constantly scurry around chasing this outcome because we think that's the thing.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we can't get the thing without all the billions of steps before it.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: I really hope that you enjoyed this conversation and perhaps it's given you some food for thought around what would happen if you decided to be more present today and know that you have no control and no concept over what might have happened if you had done something different.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you can allow yourself the glorious opportunity to learn and change at a 5D level.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I really hope you can start tapping into the wisdom of your body to create the change, the transformation, the experience of life that you really want.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, as always, I would love to invite you to my free Facebook group and book club community, Seeking Simplicity.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put the links down below.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: I would really, really appreciate it if you could leave me a review on iTunes.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: That would be so massively helpful.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And definitely if you loved it, please go and share this episode with your friends.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would appreciate that as well.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here, and I'll speak to you again in the next episode of the Seeking Simplicity podcast.