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The Job Changed. Did You? · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there, everybody.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is Mark, and this is Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for spending some time with me today.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're brand new here, I simply created this podcast because I struggled with that difficult self-talk, and I still do sometimes, but I created this place to share what I've learned, to share what I work with others on, and to really embody a positive, fierce encouragement for ourselves, our projects, and living our best life.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad you're here checking in and listening.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoy it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: This episode, I wanted to talk about well, that leader, that person who achieves at work and even at home, and they have moved up in life.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: They've moved up in roles and they have more responsibilities, the house, the kids.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: But so often they still feel themselves leading from an old mindset, or in a sense, they are in that survival mode.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: They feel that pressure.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: We can get promoted past the place where we're really good.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in some sense, this might be you.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you kept leading once you got to your new role, kind of like the building's on fire or there is chaos.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it even shows up at home and in your friends and relationships.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we got promoted, we got we advanced in life for being able to hold it together when things are chaotic and messy.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: But now, when we get quiet or we kind of find ourselves halfway through our journey of life, holding it together seems to be the thing that's in our way.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: We can't hold everything together.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I wanted to talk about this week.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: That really successful person, that high-achieving person, but on the inside, they feel a little wobbly, a little off.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll bring to a quick story to this session.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I had coffee with a local sales leader this week.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was awesome.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's awesome to connect to people with people in person and see how they're doing.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And really, this guy was very been very successful in his life.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's had many amazing roles, but his new role as a sales leader, he is finding fun, challenging.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And again, he had a good attitude about it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't that he lacked any confidence or encouragement.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: He felt like somebody who did encourage himself fiercely quite often.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But the new role was difficult and stressful in the sense like he said, I'm still figuring it out a year in.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: He mentioned that he enjoyed the team that he was with, the actual on the ground work.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And he really did like the variance and the kind of the cadence of selling versus researching and traveling.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But he did mention this towards the later part of our chat.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: He said it was hard sometimes motivating himself, often knowing that he's the only one in his region and not having kind of that upper leadership help or support.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: But when we visited for about 20 minutes, this is what we found.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: We found that his old role in the past, before he had this new position, was more about absorbing and managing the chaos.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: You could say, like adjusting on the fly during battle.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: He was really good when things went sideways in his old roles.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: He was an expert, you would say, at managing customers who were upset or really ticked off.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: He got that expert certification in leading people through that battle zone, especially a service industry.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: He organized people when they had to go through that together.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: He organized teams.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You could say, in a deeper sense, it was he was a really good connector and driving people forward.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: He reconnected teams and moved forward.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: He even talked about how he would not get overwhelmed in big chaotic situations in the past, that he just kept driving forward, like he was unshakable.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that was actually the word that landed with me when I was writing down my handwritten notes.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote down unflappable.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he literally said unshaken in the next sentence or two.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And his own line kind of keeps coming back to me.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: He said this, quote, I am always going to do the best I can, unquote.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the aha moment, the biggest insight.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: He slowed down and mentioned that what he was taking from our talk was that his old job was more about defense and reacting, holding it together.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this new role he finds himself in, he's still doing some of that reactivity, but now it's mostly offense, maybe envisioning, slowing down and building what he wants to create versus reacting.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is a pattern for all of us.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: At least that story from the sales leader resonated with me.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: We can change our roles, our careers, or even we can change in those moments during our day where we're changing roles and mindsets.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we carry that old mindset and maybe those old psychic wounds into the new work and we don't know it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of stresses us underneath the surface and maybe pulls us sideways a little bit.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But we never get back to the root of the whole question: why am I reacting this way?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I reacting in the way I am in this moment?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, in this case of the sales leader, there was a little frustration at the edges, maybe feeling a little lonely and unsupported.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was free to set his own agenda, but when we remove those lines or those barriers or those kind of contracts with ourselves, we can feel disconnected from the team that we're working for or with.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that can happen concurrently.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: We can be really connected, but disconnected in a sense from knowing if you're driving the team forward and helping the bottom line.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the turn here is, well, at least from our conversation, was more about asking for what we want, slowing down, getting really crystal clear during a coaching session, during a journaling session, or maybe on a walk without inputs or podcasts or music.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: How do we ask for what we want?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: How do we slow down and watch the mind that might be reacting, but looking a layer deeper and asking ourselves what we really, really want?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We want good physical energy, maybe time for exercise, maybe a little better on nutrition and sleep and recovery, and especially time for our family and friends.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, those are the honest things when we get quiet.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's easy to sit in the living room with the family or with the friends, or even go to dinner with friends, and you see everybody on their phone.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, where could we give something back to ourselves in a sense that in a year or two we would be happy that we did so?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is that time with family and friends, committing to putting the phone down, especially when you're with others.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think that always on mentality, always something to check in on, that escape stresses us out.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: The phones, the podcast, even the music, which is my addiction, or the YouTube, the mind that never truly lands and settles.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm guilty as hell on this, just like anyone else, but we can stop and pause and bring to mind that awareness that commits to being present with where we're at.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a tool, and I'm calling it the one-minute pause, and it's also called box breathing.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: But take a one-minute pause.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: This will just be five breaths.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, first, uh, I think we need to maybe step back.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's great to take a minute right now, but I would like to invite you to schedule your pause.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Think of a sticky note on your bathroom mirror.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think of a reminder on your phone, maybe for first thing in the morning or something that you can check in before you go to sleep at night in the last hour of your day.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Even use your other digital devices like your watches.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you have them, interrupt those habitual patterns of your day.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Find an off time to do it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the second thing or second assignment or part of this tool is when it hits, just keep it to one minute.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Box breathing is that in for four counts, hold for four counts, out for four, hold for four.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: This tool has been proven through studies and all kinds of science, that it helps us settle the nervous system.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's simple, small, and doable.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it on a walk, you can do it in your chair, even at the end of this episode, like I mentioned.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: When we learn to build that kind of inward tool where we can counter that stress response that shows up, obviously in all of our lives, slow breathing is one of the best tools we can embody.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll invite you right now take a slow in-breath for two, three, four.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hold, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, hold, three, four.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Find your own natural cadence.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: It need not be perfect, but I'll give you another few seconds to finish up.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: When we start slowing down and asking for what we really want, this begins with noticing how we feel in our physical body and what that resonance of our mind energy is.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And this noticing is a skill that I focus on with all my clients.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're interested, check out the link in the show notes for my next pause advantage webinar.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to have you there.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Other than that, what are you taking away from this episode?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what are you going to try to do more of?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a great day, a great place, great night, wherever you're at.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll see you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.