Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Jill Birth - From Third Grade Shame to Self-Love: Healing Body Image, Food Addiction & Diet Culture in Midlife
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:35) and we're gonna hear her beautiful highs and lows story about body image and identity. Jill, how are you feeling about being on here tonight? Share your story. Jill Birth (00:47) my goodness, I'm so excited. I'm just excited that you're doing this podcast and thank you for inviting me to be a guest tonight. Something that I'm super passionate about, so thank you. Brynne Erickson (00:59) Yeah, when I thought about body image, which is something I think most humans struggle with in some degree or battle with. And I've been able to witness you my entire life as far as I can remember back. And I just think your perspective is very powerful and very beautiful. So everyone's going to benefit from this conversation. You're so welcome. OK, just to give us a little bit of perspective. Jill Birth (01:22) Thank you. Brynne Erickson (01:28) of what era you were raised in, ⁓ how old are you and what year were you born? Jill Birth (01:35) Yes, so I was born in 1972, so I'm 52, 53. I don't even know how old I am, Fran. my goodness, I'm just trying to count. I just turned 53, I think. Yes, so I was raised in, know, primarily in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and then got married, so yeah. Brynne Erickson (01:44) Nice. Nice. And what year did you get married and how old were you? Jill Birth (02:03) I got married in 1992 and I was 20 years old. Brynne Erickson (02:10) years old. Okay, just to kind of give us a little bit of perspective as we're having this conversation. Okay, so what is your earliest memory of thinking your body had to be a certain way? Jill Birth (02:22) my goodness, gosh, Brynn, it goes all the way back to third grade. I was in third grade and the school nurse, for some crazy reason, she had us line up in the line and she would have a step on the scale and she would take our weight down and take our height. And I stepped on that scale in third grade and she said, Brynne Erickson (02:25) Hmm. Jill Birth (02:47) She just looked to me and she said, ⁓ my goodness, you are one fat little kid. You need to go home and get on a diet. But I was, I was 142 pounds in third grade. And so I went home and I just cried to my mom and I, and she put me on Weight Watchers the next day. So it started back in third grade. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And ever since then, it was just, it's been a roller coaster. Brynne Erickson (03:11) Holy cow. Jill Birth (03:17) as you know. Brynne Erickson (03:19) Yeah, I can only imagine. Wow, third grade. That is bizarre. I like can't even fathom. Jill Birth (03:22) Yeah. And that's when the comparison started, right? ⁓ Is just because I'm like, what does that even mean for me? Like, I knew I was bigger than some of the other kids, but I played soccer a ton and I was good. So I'm like, I don't know, you know, if I have an issue or not, but that's when it all started for me. Brynne Erickson (03:36) Mm-hmm. you That's so interesting because you didn't even realize something was quote unquote wrong until someone put you on a scale and was like, now something's wrong because we see a number that tells us something is wrong. So I find it so interesting that already right then and there we look at a number and all of a sudden it gives so much information. Not really, but we think it does give us information about us and what we're capable of and the life that we want to live. Like it's just bizarre. Jill Birth (03:55) No. Yeah. It's true and even throughout my life and we'll go back a little bit but even throughout my life the scale and the number on the scale it determined my entire day or my week or my month or like it's just that number it was it was kind of like evil to me almost you know because it determines so much of my life yeah. Brynne Erickson (04:33) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even realize I was a little bit bigger than the kids around me. But my first memory was I was at gymnastics and the little girl standing in line in front of me before we like got up on the bar to flip over it or whatever. We looked around and she's like, why are you so fat? And I remember my answer was my mom makes me eat all my food. Isn't that so sad? same thing, like I didn't know there was anything wrong until someone said something and I all of a sudden was like, wait, is there something wrong with me? Yeah, I think I was like five, I had maybe like five, six when that happened. And I don't remember it affecting me too much, but for some reason my brain has held on to that memory. Jill Birth (05:14) Yeah. Yeah. Brynne Erickson (05:34) which is so interesting. Jill Birth (05:35) And it just does, those traumatic memories that they don't remember about, but it just hits us to the core, right? Brynne Erickson (05:45) Yeah, for sure. Right. So how much of your identity has been wrapped up in the state of your body? Jill Birth (05:48) Yes. That's a great question. So I'm going to go back again to growing up in. the home that I grew up in. I was the youngest. So my mom and dad had five kids in five years, and then they had me six years after that. You can call me the surprise, the bonus, the mistake. I don't know what I was, that's when I came. So I'm here and I love my family and it was a great family to grow up in. But there were a few things that contributed to a lot of the messed up stuff in my mind about my weight. Brynne Erickson (06:13) You're here. Jill Birth (06:30) one of those was... ⁓ My older sister, so my mom and dad had three boys and then three girls. So the two girls were just older than me. So my oldest sister always had weight issues as well. But my sister just older than me, she had anorexia. And so I was kind of confused as a little girl because my mom would bring ice cream home. She'd put it in the freezer, but tell my oldest sister and my brother, Brynne Erickson (06:55) Wow. Jill Birth (07:03) They couldn't eat it. It was for my sister that had anorexia. So I'm like, my gosh, I'm so confused right now. Brynne Erickson (07:11) No kidding. Jill Birth (07:12) Yeah, it was just so much turmoil in my head about, my gosh, okay, my sister is so thin, she's about ready to go into the hospital, but then my other sister is big, and I just didn't quite know where I stood in the whole dynamic of all of that. And I remember my mom was just trying to help me, she really was. So like for Easter or my birthday, it was always diet food in my Easter basket, or if for Christmas it was Brynne Erickson (07:33) Great. Yeah. Jill Birth (07:42) the big box from what was called the diet center and Nutrisystem. I mean, I'm telling you what, have done everything. I've done the cabbage soup diet. As I grew up, I worked in a dental office full of so many girls. Every Monday, because it's magical Monday, because you binge all weekend, you're like, my gosh, I'm going to start my diet on Monday. Every Monday, I go into work and everyone was like, okay, Jill, Brynne Erickson (07:46) Wow. Jill Birth (08:11) What is the diet for the week? What are we doing this week? Like, are we doing, they had these ephedra drops back in the day. And so we all tried that. We did, like I said, the cabbage soup diet and the hot dog and baloney diet. I mean, seriously, yeah. We, cause, well, in a magazine that said you can drop seven pounds in seven days doing hot dogs and balonies. So we're like, let's try it. Like. Brynne Erickson (08:25) What? No. Jill Birth (08:37) So needless to say, my metabolism was pretty jacked up for sure, you know, through all those years of trying so many different things. So when you ask how much was my identity wrapped up in my body image, completely 100%. And as I've gotten older and I've coached hundreds of women now to be able to, you know, lose weight or to even get their mindset right about their body. Brynne Erickson (08:42) Mmm. Hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (09:07) and things I've had to do it right along with them. And there's times that I even slip back to, you know, thinking, my gosh, I don't even want to go into the, remember Brynn, I remember sitting outside Lee's Market in North Ogden and one of my friends from high school went in and I was feeling chubby that day. And I sat in the car and waited till she came out and left before I went in. So my body image has been a big deal for me, my Brynne Erickson (09:10) Yeah. For real. Jill Birth (09:37) life. Brynne Erickson (09:40) Wow, so much energy every day, all day, right? Yeah. Yes. Jill Birth (09:42) and so much wasted energy. I'm like, I could have put that energy into so much more, like giving and serving and just so much more. Brynne Erickson (09:54) Well, even just things that are more for that fulfilled you. Like, did you ever find something that was fulfilling amidst all of the struggle of just trying to manage your body? Jill Birth (09:57) Yes. Like in what way? Brynne Erickson (10:11) I don't know, like what if there was a balance, like if you weren't focusing on body and food, what were you focusing on instead? Jill Birth (10:21) working out, but that goes right along with body and food. So then I'd go through these crazy spurts of like working out. And then I'm like, I'm gonna run a marathon. So really what happened was when I got all the way up to 263 pounds at one point. And so I'm like, I really gotta do some with myself because I knew I was insulin resistant. I knew I had PCOS. Like there were some contributing. Brynne Erickson (10:23) my gosh. Okay. Hmm. Jill Birth (10:51) factors to my weight as well. But the doctors like, you know, let's do something about it. And I just didn't for a long time. But there came a point of time that I'm like, okay, I've got to do something about this. So I was I was watching a talk show on TV one day and she was talking about vision boards. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to do a vision board. And so I did. And in it, I put ⁓ this body transformation challenge in the middle of it that I wanted to win and I put that I was going to run a half marathon like I had all these different goals and I'll be banged that vision board. I'm just a visual person and so I know that the time to manifest your dreams and goals, the best time to do it is when your mind is the most readily available which is right before you go to bed at night and right when you wake up in the morning. Brynne Erickson (11:32) Mm-hmm. Hmm. Okay. Jill Birth (11:51) made this vision board and I would look at it every morning, every night. Pretty soon I knew what the vision board looked like. So I just laid there in bed and visualize my dreams and my goals. And not just visualize small things about it, but I wanted to win that body transformation challenge. So I would visualize what it was gonna look like and streamers going off when they called my name and crossing the finish line. Brynne Erickson (12:02) Hmm. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (12:20) and filling, watching my time as I crossed the finish line, just visualizing and using all my five senses, because this is what I was taught on the talk show. And so I did it, and oh my gosh, things just started popping in from my vision board so quickly. And I'll be danged that I won that Body Transformation Challenge. I won $120,000, and that was... Brynne Erickson (12:23) Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was amazing. yeah. Jill Birth (12:46) Back in 2011, that was a lot of money back then. And I ended up running a few half marathons. And so I guess that's what started making me feel fulfilled and be able to help other women. at the same time. Women are my passion. Like I just love helping them in every area of their life. And so that became my passion. And I want to go back to a scripture that I love that says that our weaknesses can become our strengths. It's in Ether 1224. In fact, I have a timer on my phone, or alarm every day at 1224 that reminds me that our weaknesses can become our strengths. And what I love about Brynne Erickson (13:06) Yeah. Yeah, please. that's cool. Jill Birth (13:32) That is because for years I was like, Heavenly Father, why? Like why? Do I have to struggle with my weight when all my friends can eat whatever they want and still, you know, they're still a size four or whatever. I'm like, why is this my trial? And it comes down to this is the thing that I've turned into my strength to be able to help other women and people to be able to, you know, to deal with their identity and around food addiction. And I teach food Brynne Erickson (13:40) Yeah. Hmm. Jill Birth (14:09) addiction classes and just is the thing that keeps me grounded and keeps me close to my father. Brynne Erickson (14:17) I love that. That's such a beautiful journey and perspective. And you learn some awesome like skills. And I love that you've been able to take the experiences that you've had and use them to help other people. And that is one of the main reasons we have trials and weaknesses so that we can learn and become more empathetic and help, help everybody. That's what we're all in this together. Right. Jill Birth (14:40) Absolutely. Yeah. Brynne Erickson (14:43) Okay, great. So what's the, what's influenced the rules and standards that you've perceived as true standards for bodies? Jill Birth (14:52) Tell me what you mean in that question and then I'll answer it. Brynne Erickson (14:54) So whether the rules that a family taught you, and maybe we kind of already talked about this, viewing your sisters. like, one had certain rules that caused her to become anorexic. The other one had rules that she perceived were rules. And that's what I mean. It's funny how we take in certain rules and we think they apply to everybody and everybody thinks the same way we do. But that isn't true. A lot of the time we're kind of in our own. We don't even know where the rules came from, whether it was from social media or from family or the girls hadn't how they talked at school. So I'm just curious as to what influenced the way the rules that you thought were real. around what bodies were supposed to be. Can you think of anything? Jill Birth (15:53) That is a great question. You know, I remember when, and this is another trigger, Brad, when something happens, but I remember being in junior high and my uncle pinched my stomach and he goes, you know, if I can pinch more than an inch, you need to, you know, know what that means. And I'm like, what are you talking about? But I, you know, I quickly found out what that meant that it means that I need to lose some weight, right? And it was during that junior high impressionable period of time that I was trying, like I had been Brynne Erickson (16:00) Mmm. My goodness. Jill Birth (16:26) on so many different diets. I'm like, I'm still not good enough. Like I'm still not. that person that I need to be. And so, you know, I was never one of those cute little cheerleaders or nothing against cheerleaders for sure. But I'm just I was never one of those cute little tiny girls. And so and I never got asked to a boys choice dance ever, like not even in high school or anything. And so it just kind of went back to my weight again. I always was like, it's because I'm too fat and no boys ever going to like me, you know, and I had a ton of friends, like I was an officer and I, like I had a lot of friends, but it would just, I was always, and now I look back at my high school pictures and I'm like, What was I thinking? Like I was bigger than the other girls, but I wasn't like huge, you know? I'm 5'9 and I probably weighed, I think I was like 165 or 170 in high school, which was bigger than the other girls, but it wasn't like massive, right? So I think I perceived body image as... Brynne Erickson (17:19) Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Jill Birth (17:41) just being one of those cute skinny girls that got asked to the dances and they were cute ⁓ and went on dates. And I know that sounds horrible, but that's how I perceived what I should look like and how I should be. Brynne Erickson (18:00) Mm-hmm. I don't know that it has changed a whole lot. I think we are making good gains. Like all bodies are worthy bodies. All bodies are beautiful bodies. And I'm so grateful for that because too many people spend too much time and energy of their lives wrapped up in worrying about the way they look and trying to earn like love and relationships and whatever it is that they think that they need. to earn through their bodies, which is just bizarre to me. But I'm even, I'm still working on it. Jill Birth (18:31) It's true. ⁓ Girl, it's always a work in progress. Like even right now, you know, just in my life, I've been through two divorces now and I just, and food is still my vice and... Brynne Erickson (18:40) my gosh. Jill Birth (18:51) It's the thing when I'm in my teaching my 12 step classes, it's just really surrendering and giving it over to the Lord every single day. And so I get on my knees, I'm like, Heavenly Father, I'm giving you my food again today. Like I know that you can do it, I can't do it. And then I do my best to make the best choices, you know. But it's never easy. And I just know that some days, sometimes I'm like, I got this, like the Lord has other things to do. God has other things to do. He's got other people to help and I got this. I don't need to ask for help. Gosh, for crying out loud. I've gone through this for 53 years now, you know? And so, but then I start going down that slippery slope and I'm like, all right, I really need Heavenly Father's help. so then I get back on my knees again. I'm like, here I am again. I know you're probably tired of me, but here I am. Brynne Erickson (19:28) Mm-hmm. Hmm Jill Birth (19:48) I just surrender back over again and then just do the best I can. I've stopped doing the binge dieting and trying crazy things out there to diet. I've accepted my body how it is. ⁓ I'm like, everybody's in this together. As I'm teaching my women's courses and things like that, they don't love it when I'm Brynne Erickson (19:57) Mmm. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (20:18) doing that along with if I'd already arrived at my perfect place which none of us have already arrived right we're already always working but they always want to be on a journey with someone because then we're so relatable and so I love it when I get to take the journey with them every time. Brynne Erickson (20:23) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. And if you don't mind, we, know isogenics has been a big part of your journey and helping you learn how to become a coach. Is that correct? Jill Birth (20:53) Yeah, I haven't been with Isagenix for a long time, but that's where I learned all my personal development and that's where I started coaching women. That was the body transformation challenge that I did when ⁓ was the isobody challenge. And gosh, that totally changed. It totally took a different trajectory in my life. You I was working at the dental office for years and years. And then after I started losing the weight and getting fit and Brynne Erickson (21:18) Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (21:23) And that had a huge, that was my huge success was with Isagenix and doing it that way. And then ⁓ I started coaching women and it took off from there. And then I ended up leaving that company a while back, but yes, that was a huge part of my life. Yeah. Brynne Erickson (21:43) So where are you today? Are you still coaching and working with people? Jill Birth (21:49) Yeah, so I'm still coaching. ⁓ I'll be getting my new website up this month. It's Jillbirth.com. It's just my name. And I'll be launching some new courses. Brynne Erickson (21:54) ⁓ Nice. Jill Birth (22:03) Next, I'll be launching them in the fall, in September I'm getting them ready right now. I'll be doing mindset courses, retreats. I'm starting a big networking group down here in St. George, which I'll be putting it all throughout Utah. ⁓ I'm just super excited. Yeah. Brynne Erickson (22:12) nice. So fun. Jill Birth (22:24) So coaching is my passion and just helping people through their food issues and their mindset. We know how big mindset is right now. And Brynn, I'll just tell you this, that... Brynne Erickson (22:24) that is so good. Yeah. you Yeah. Jill Birth (22:40) Every day it starts with my morning routine. It really does. I don't do this, and I'll tell you what my morning routine is, but if I don't do this every single day, I'm thrown off balance for sure. And ⁓ so my morning routine is called P.A.C.T.E. and I do a course around it. But it's called P.A.C.T.E. and if I P.A.C.T.E. my life together every day, and this is what it is, the P is for prayer. Brynne Erickson (22:48) Yeah, tell us. Jill Birth (23:10) or spiritually related, whatever that is to you. that meditation, ⁓ reading a great book that inspires you. ⁓ But that's what it is, is prayer to me. ⁓ really not just milling down for your daily prayers, but I call them well-defined prayers. There's a story in the scriptures where Jesus and his disciples were walking along the road and there was a blind man. And Jesus went over to the blind man and he's like, what can I do for you? How can I help you? And his disciples were like, my gosh, here we go again. Like obviously he's blind and he wants to see. But Jesus wanted to know, excuse me. Brynne Erickson (23:55) Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (24:00) ⁓ Jesus wanted to know if the blind man really knew what he wanted and what his wish was, like if he really had enough faith to do that. So when I talk about well-defined prayers, it's really like, what do you really want? Like what are we asking for from Heavenly Father? Because a lot of times we're asking for things and we were hoping for things, but at the same time, we're kind of like, wait, we're not ready to receive that. Brynne Erickson (24:20) Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (24:30) So one of my favorite quotes is, God adores me and is anxious to give me all that I will receive. It's important to be open to receiving. And one of the biggest things I help people with is to be able to be open to receiving from God, then they get to be open to receiving compliments from people. And sometimes that's hard for people or they reflect the compliment. If I'm like, Brynn, you look so cute. Brynne Erickson (24:30) Mm-hmm. I love that. you Jill Birth (25:00) today and then you're like, Jill, you look cute too. No, just accept the compliment and that starts opening you up to receiving from God. Brynne Erickson (25:05) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's awesome. That's a good, simple way to start ⁓ being open to that and practicing receiving. That's a great, that's great advice. Jill Birth (25:19) Yeah. Okay, we'll move forward. Okay, so the A is for affirmations and journaling. Like I just love, I do a lot of mirror work. So I have this mirror in my room, in my closet. And if you guys haven't seen the movie, War Room, it's a Christian movie, but I love it. It's like. Brynne Erickson (25:25) Yes. Jill Birth (25:40) This cute little old lady turns her closet into a war room against Satan. It's where she writes down her prayers. So I have my vision board in there, but I have this mirror. And I do mirror work every morning and I sit in front of it even though I'm looking like crap. And I'm like, good morning, I love you, you're amazing, you're, you know, all these things. so I do my affirmations in the mirror. So the A is for affirmations. The S is for scriptures, again, be spiritually related, it can be meditation, whatever that is for people. But for me, you know, I just dig into the scriptures. one of my favorite, favorite book is called The Circle Maker, and it's by the author, Mark Batterson. He's a Christian pastor back on the East Coast, and it has taught me so much about prayer. Brynne Erickson (26:24) Hmm, never heard of that one. Okay. Jill Birth (26:34) and how to circle your dreams and goals through prayer. I love it. It's my favorite book. So that is for the S. So we're at P-A-S. Now the T. So throughout my life, the T has been different things. It's been the 12-step addiction program and just journaling about that every day. But since I, I mean... Brynne Erickson (26:37) Nice. Okay. Okay, awesome. Jill Birth (26:58) Maybe I'm in one those places where I'm like, I got this God. But really my tea right now is for texting, grata texting people every day. So I just take my phone and I go to my contacts and I scroll. It's like a game and it's so fun. I scroll and I stop on my contacts and I'm like, my gosh, I landed on Brynn. She needs a little text for me today. And so I'll do that to a few people. Brynne Erickson (27:09) that's smart. That's amazing. I love that so much. Yeah. Jill Birth (27:28) I do that to a few people and then I also just people come to mind. I really it's not a game right? I'm like ⁓ I feel like they need a text today. And then the EE is for eating and exercise. Brynne Erickson (27:38) Mm-hmm, yeah. Okay. Jill Birth (27:47) If I don't get out the door to do my exercise in the morning, first of all, I don't get it done. And I think a lot of that why my kids were little, it was hard to get exercise in for sure, you know? And then you either had to put them in the stroller, you have to get up before Dallin goes to work, or you have to, you know, do it when he gets home at night. And that's why I had a gym pass to Snap Fitness, because it was a 24 hour gym. Brynne Erickson (27:52) Mm-hmm. Yes, that's where I'm at. Yep. Jill Birth (28:17) I'd get the kids to bed at night and ⁓ of course my husband was home with them and so I'd just take off to the gym sometimes it was 10 p.m. ⁓ anyway but it's for eating and exercise the E and just you know and it's not what's whatever eating program you want it to be if it's just it's whatever you know some people do eating programs like keto or the meta training diet or whatever and to me it's just healthy eating. And I eat on a small plate. That's helped me a ton. I just eat on a small plate. So, yeah. Brynne Erickson (28:54) Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that because I believe in universal laws. Like God created this earth with rules that everyone can abide by no matter what religion you participate in or don't participate in. And you receive the blessings because he loves all of us. So I love how your pace actually applies a lot of what I perceive as just universal rules to find the most peace and joy. And so that's awesome. Did you make that up yourself? Jill Birth (29:21) Absolutely. Well, find, yeah, well, actually my friend and I made it up together, yeah. And I find too that it's easy, I've done this for so long that even, Brynne Erickson (29:25) You're brilliant. I love that. Jill Birth (29:35) I mean, you're like, oh my gosh, Jill, that would take me an hour to do. No, when I was driving carpool, I was having the kids do affirmations with me. Like, I'm like, OK, you guys, I know it's 730 in the morning, but we're going to say affirmations. And my kids were like, mom. And they were always so bugged. But now, you know, I just laugh because they do the affirmations themselves now. So I guess it passed down. But even when you're out, you know, walking or whatever, be listening to us. Brynne Erickson (29:55) Uh-huh. Yeah. Jill Birth (30:05) spiritual book or a book that makes you feel good or your scriptures or I even pray when I'm walking it doesn't have to be like kneeling by your bed. Brynne Erickson (30:13) yeah. Nope. Jill Birth (30:16) I feel like I pray all day every day. So not all day, but you know what I mean. It's not always kneeling by my bed. So you can combine a lot of them together, you know? sometimes I only have, yeah, habit stacking. Sometimes I get it all done in 10 minutes, 10, 15 minutes, you know? So. Brynne Erickson (30:18) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. habits stacking. I do love that. I'm kind of having some thoughts because I feel like we're kind of stepping away, well, we are stepping away from shaming bodies and just allowing bodies to be. ⁓ I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I guess just my thoughts. Like I love the people that even do have curvier bodies that they don't see that as a problem. And I've kind of concluded that if your body supports you and the life that you want to live, then you, you do you like take care of it, however you want to take care of it, nourish it, however you want to nourish it, move it, however you want to move it. And we can just dismiss weight and size and every, I just wish our eyes could see everybody as beautiful. Mine still struggle. Jill Birth (31:23) Absolutely. Brynne Erickson (31:31) to see that. I've heard, or I've kind of learned that the way we view others is like an external reflection of actually how we view ourselves. And I'm grateful for that awareness. Cause a lot of times I'll find myself being kind of more judgmental both ways, like small girls and bigger girls, right? Because I still feel like there's a right way to be. And it's more narrow with less curves and a smaller number on the scale. And that is been, that's hard. That's hard to break, but I haven't worked on much affirmations work on focusing on my body image yet, but I have in other aspects of my life that have been very beneficial. So I need to, I need to start applying paste more and get my affirmations going again. Jill Birth (32:16) And that brings me to, ⁓ I was at the beach just last weekend. I went to San Diego. And when you're saying that some people, just own it. there's people that just own it. When ⁓ I look at them and I'm like, you go girl. I wanna be like you. And they're bigger, they have a bikini. I'm like. Brynne Erickson (32:28) Yes, I love it so much. Absolutely. Jill Birth (32:43) I never wore a bikini. Like, I just wish I could own it like they do, you know? I'm always trying to cover up and maybe one day, I don't know. Brynne Erickson (32:43) I know right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. One day, goals, right? Jill Birth (32:56) Yeah, goals for sure. And I just want to, you know, for those of you that are listening, Just like Brynn said, just own it and love your body the way it is and be so grateful for your body. sometimes I'll be eating crappy one day and the next morning I feel so good again. I'm like, thank you body for regenerating tonight and getting me back to a reset, you know, to be able to start another day over and try to do better. And we're all on a journey. We're all on our separate journey and it's such a journey. Brynne Erickson (33:20) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jill Birth (33:34) worth taking to just be really focused in on loving yourself and loving your body and the, you know, not comparing. And I know that there's so much out there on comparison and social media is. Brynne Erickson (33:35) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (33:52) It's a big comparison game out there, right? You see all these people's perfect lives and perfect bodies and it's just, it's not real. And I just want to encourage all of you to just stay true to yourself and love yourself just the way you are because you were made perfectly in Heavenly Father's eyes for sure. Brynne Erickson (33:54) Mm-hmm. Yep, I love that. Do you have any advice on how to navigate relationships when you are trying to earn someone's love through the way that you look? Do you have any thoughts on that? Jill Birth (34:30) Well, first of all, love cannot be earned and love cannot be bought. there's no way, if you are trying to earn love from someone because of the way you look, then it's all for the wrong reasons. And that relationship most likely will be very toxic for you and not healthy in any means. And... Brynne Erickson (34:34) Mmm. Jill Birth (34:57) it most likely won't stay. It won't be a forever relationship ⁓ because of the way that you got into it. And I've been divorced twice and so I get it and I... I just know that a lot of it, in my first marriage, a lot of it was around body image for me. ⁓ The way I looked, the way I was expected to look by some people, and ⁓ it didn't last. So yes, but love cannot be earned, especially by the way that you look. Brynne Erickson (35:38) no matter how hard you try. Jill Birth (35:39) No matter how hard you try, you'll never be enough in your eyes or the other person's eyes as well if you come into a relationship. Brynne Erickson (35:44) Mm-hmm. So then what's helpful to change that mindset? The paste method. You think that's probably the most effective thing. Jill Birth (35:56) Well, the pace, no, but just being yourself. Like when you're getting into a relationship, you just be you just. Brynne Erickson (36:01) Yeah. Jill Birth (36:05) We've got to learn to just be us and not try to sugarcoat things or to try to be something that we aren't. And if the person doesn't like us or love us for who we are, then it's not gonna work because you're always gonna sabotage yourself and you're not gonna think you're ever good enough. And then you get, yeah, no, go ahead. Brynne Erickson (36:28) I wonder how many, yeah, sorry, go ahead. I was gonna say, I wonder how many people don't even know who they are because they're always trying to be somebody else. Jill Birth (36:36) They are trying to be someone else. And sometimes their spouse wants them to be someone else. so, ⁓ and then you're not good enough. And then sometimes then that's when the infidelity starts or it's just, it's a vicious cycle for sure. Brynne Erickson (36:53) So how do we come to know ourselves? Jill Birth (36:56) it's an everyday thing for me. It really is. And it's just sitting in that mirror work. If, Brynn, if you haven't done mirror work before. Brynne Erickson (37:06) Yeah, can you expound on that a little bit? I haven't. I've done the looking at myself with no clothes on and being like, hi, body. Thank you. But nothing more than that. Jill Birth (37:16) Yeah, yeah, so I ⁓ I'm definitely not naked in front of my mirror when I'm sitting there I'm like in my pajamas or whatever But I just I'm like good morning I love you so much and I have this little thing that I Say, you know sometimes in the mirror and I'll say my affirmations in the mirror but really just sitting and looking at myself and being like and starting to say great things about me, about myself. And I feel like that is the biggest change that I've had. I only started doing mirror work about four years ago, three or four years ago. And that is when the biggest difference started shifting for me and exactly what we're talking about right now. Brynne Erickson (38:08) What if you don't have anything good to say about yourself? Jill Birth (38:12) So when I help, excuse me, when I help women and people start with their affirmations, like, you know, things like that. I mean, if you look in the mirror, when I was 263 pounds and I'm like, you're so thin and you're so fit, and it just didn't resonate with me, I'm like, that is bull crap. Like, I'm not, you know? So some people can only say one word, like, happy. Brynne Erickson (38:33) Yeah. Jill Birth (38:42) light, love, fit. Brynne Erickson (38:42) you Jill Birth (38:46) ⁓ Apples, know just saying words that that might help them in their life and so if women and people are having a hard time with trying to say good things about themselves say words that lift you and same in the mirror and you know because I love Light I love happiness I love and sometimes I don't because I'm not in a good mood or whatever But that's when I just start talking Brynne Erickson (39:10) Hmm. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (39:16) in the mirror and talking about my day and then who am I going to serve and who am I going to bless because turning to gratitude number one and then turning to who am I going to serve that day with my gradatex that's another thing Bryn when you're lifting other people it lifts you too. Brynne Erickson (39:35) Yes. I love that because it's like practice talking nice to yourself when probably most of your dialogue through the day is not. So it's an intentional time to like practice being kind and loving to yourself. Jill Birth (39:43) this little one. Yeah, it is. And at first it was not easy for me, but now I love it. I'm like, oh, I'm getting up. I'm gonna go, I just roll on to find these by the side of my bed and my mirror's right there, so yeah. Brynne Erickson (39:59) Yeah. cover. I love that so much. ⁓ Let's see here. So what are you striving for in your relationship with your body today? Anything else that you want to add? Jill Birth (40:15) So, ⁓ like I don't have any goals as far as like fitness goals or anything like that. I think it's just in loving myself. the way that I am. had a hysterectomy, a full hysterectomy back in September. I put on 40 name pounds and I'm like, oh, here we go again. And it came on like in a matter of four or five months. Yeah. And so I'm like, you know what? I am 53. I do not have to be a size four again or six again or whatever the lowest that I ever was. I'm like, I'm good at a size 12. Like, I'm just gonna stay right here. Brynne Erickson (40:40) Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a big change. Mm-hmm. Jill Birth (41:02) and love on my body and talk to my body and just love myself for who I am and that is my biggest goal is to just love where I am in the moment. Brynne Erickson (41:15) That's awesome. That's what I'm striving for too. Like I'm postpartum for the third time, right? My baby's almost a year old and I had this epiphany like Bobby bodies are meant to evolve and change. Like if, if we couldn't we die, like if we didn't maintain the same size, like we're supposed to, and your next step was death. Most of us would be dead because our bodies are constantly changing as they should. Jill Birth (41:20) Right. you are. Yes, as they should. Brynne Erickson (41:46) And there's nothing wrong with that. And I love how we can, we can try and learn to embrace our new norm and maybe it will change and make it go up. It might come down, but it doesn't have to mean anything about our value and our worth and our loveability. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jill Birth (41:55) It's true. I love that, Brynn. I'm gonna write that down. Embrace my new norm. I got this. ⁓ my gosh. I think I'm gonna... Brynne Erickson (42:14) And cause for me, I'm just trying to love wherever I am, but be okay. Like, but also working towards where I want to be. But I'm trying to embrace and love myself exactly as I am where I am. And it is hard, but I'm getting better and better at it. And I'm loving the process and I love, I just like who I am better rather than always chasing to be the next or the better version of me. or the version I think that will be more lovable and just be like, no, I am completely lovable right now. I'm with you. I'm a size 12 right now. And that is very new for me. But it actually helped when I got some new cute clothes. I was like, I don't need to keep squeezing into my smaller clothes and punishing myself. Like, this is ridiculous. So I have switched my whole wardrobe and got cute clothes in my new size for my new awesome body. Jill Birth (42:58) Yes. out. You know, I'm so glad. Yes. Yes. Brynne Erickson (43:12) And it's funny how much that one thing helped. Like I don't need to punish myself. Nothing is wrong here. So I'm going to own where I'm at and find happiness and joy exactly where I'm at. So. Jill Birth (43:19) now. I am so glad you said that because a lot of people, they're like, I am not going to go shopping for a bigger size clothes. I'm like, OK, just keep laying on your bed to try to zip those things up then and be uncomfortable all day. And so I love that you brought that up. Just own it, right? Own it and get some cute clothes that you feel good in. Yes, I love that. Yes. Brynne Erickson (43:29) Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Clothes are meant to fit you, not you fit the clothes. Right? Jill Birth (43:54) I love that you're learning this at your age because I wish that I would have learned this. Brynne Erickson (44:02) And I know, like I've been able to witness my aunts, my peers, my like other women around me. Like we were heavy in diet culture and I was a, I feel like I still got that and it's still a thing today. But I think a lot of us are trying to, we don't want that to rule our lives anymore. And we just want to find peace with where we're at and with food and find happiness and joy and. Jill Birth (44:06) Yeah. Brynne Erickson (44:32) I hope this episode helped give some ideas. have no doubt that it did. We just talked about a lot of different techniques and tools for people. So I hope something resonated with somebody. Jill Birth (44:44) Absolutely. Brynn, you are adorable. Thank you so much for doing these podcasts for all of us. It's so fun. And you inspire me. You're amazing. Brynne Erickson (44:53) ⁓ thanks Jill. I love you. Thank you so much. Jill Birth (44:58) I love you too.