Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 218. The ‘What If’ That Won’t Leave You Alone: Am I in love with Another Man?

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218. The ‘What If’ That Won’t Leave You Alone: Am I in love with Another Man? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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  Speaker 1: Apochie Production.
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  Speaker 2: I eas your advice.
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  Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened?
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  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
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  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.
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  Speaker 2: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. We are bringing the
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  Speaker 2: drama today. Welcome to the Best Advice Segment.
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  Speaker 1: It does feel like a big episode.
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  Speaker 2: I just read the name of the episode and I
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  Speaker 2: was like, all right, let's go, We're gonna go home today.
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  Speaker 2: What's the title? So the title is the what if
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  Speaker 2: that won't leave you alone? And then in brackets do
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  Speaker 2: I want another man? Oh?
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  Speaker 1: Okay?
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  Speaker 2: So ashually, please take it away for today's best. The
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  Speaker 2: Advice segment.
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  Speaker 1: As always completely anonymous. We have no idea who's written in,
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  Speaker 1: but thank you for writing in. The more context the better,
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  Speaker 1: so hopefully there's lots of details so we can help
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  Speaker 1: you out a lot. All Right, I'm feeling so lost
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  Speaker 1: at the moment. I'm getting married this year to my
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  Speaker 1: partner who I love so so much. I've been together
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  Speaker 1: for six years. I'm twenty five. For context, our life
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  Speaker 1: is great and I adore him. However, I have a
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  Speaker 1: really good friend who has been one of my best
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  Speaker 1: mates since twenty eighteen, such a close friend, and we've
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  Speaker 1: always been platonic. I'm starting to feel like maybe that
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  Speaker 1: it's just because we've never been single. At the same time,
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  Speaker 1: he is also in a long term relationship at the moment,
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  Speaker 1: and I love his girlfriend, but there is something between us,
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  Speaker 1: and I think there always has been. He asked me
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  Speaker 1: a while ago if I've ever thought about it, and
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  Speaker 1: I said I did at the start, but life's different now.
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  Speaker 1: But the truth is, I still think about what could
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  Speaker 1: have been every single day. What is wrong with me?
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  Speaker 2: Help?
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  Speaker 1: Is this just because he is so close to me
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  Speaker 1: and I love him so much, and I'm confused, Like,
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  Speaker 1: how do I love two people so much at the
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  Speaker 1: same time? I feel so conflicted inside with my wedding
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  Speaker 1: coming up. I just feel like I have this question
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  Speaker 1: mark hanging there, but it doesn't even have anything to
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  Speaker 1: do with me not loving my current fiance. I feel
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  Speaker 1: like an idiot. Any advice so welcome.
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  Speaker 2: Oh shit, Oh that's tough.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever been in this situation. I
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  Speaker 1: can't even imagine loving two people at the same time.
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  Speaker 1: I believe you could, though for sure.
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  Speaker 2: I mean I haven't. Love doesn't have a cap I
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  Speaker 2: haven't loved two people at the same time. I definitely
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  Speaker 2: liked two people at the same time and felt conflicted
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  Speaker 2: with like who I wanted to be with more. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I've definitely experienced that. I think it's really conflicting. I
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  Speaker 2: really believe if you pour effort and time into building
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  Speaker 2: a relationship with somebody, you're going to in some way
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  Speaker 2: grow feelings, you know what I mean. Like different story
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  Speaker 2: with the friends like that.
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  Speaker 1: Like, I've had plenty of male friends that have always
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  Speaker 1: just been anything there. Yeah, But if there's something there,
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  Speaker 1: then is there something there.
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  Speaker 2: That's hard one? It's a really tough I actually feel
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  Speaker 2: like stumped because I'm just like, oh, I'm trying to
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  Speaker 2: put myself into shoes. Because the timeline seems to be
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  Speaker 2: that you got with your partner around the time that
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  Speaker 2: you became friends with this man. Yeah two eighteen. That
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  Speaker 2: was seven years, so you've been together the sixty they
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  Speaker 2: were friends before you. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So I don't know personally, if I had feelings for
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  Speaker 1: another man, I wouldn't be going through with the wedding,
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  Speaker 1: yeah at the end of the day, and I think
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  Speaker 1: I would. I really your fear being in the situation
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  Speaker 1: because you can imagine, like, you don't want to leave
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  Speaker 1: your fiance or blow up this relationship because you love
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  Speaker 1: him and adore him. But I also don't think it's
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  Speaker 1: fair on your fiance if you're not all in. You've like,
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  Speaker 1: imagine yourself put yourself in his shoes. Yeah, he was
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  Speaker 1: writing into us and yet this girl that it was
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  Speaker 1: so close with and had feelings for. Would you want
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  Speaker 1: to know? Would you want him to marry you anyway? No,
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  Speaker 1: I'd want to know.
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  Speaker 2: If you feel like there's unfinished business, please go pursue
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  Speaker 2: that me. Don't waste my time in my life.
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  Speaker 1: Literally, there's an answer, right, you are to put yourself
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  Speaker 1: in the reverse shoes, So true and see how you
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  Speaker 1: would feel, and it gives you the clarity straight away.
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  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to marry someone if they were questioning
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  Speaker 1: having feelings of someone else. I want them to be
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  Speaker 1: so fucking sure that there is no one else except
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  Speaker 1: for me and if there's ever any doubt. Yeah, that's
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  Speaker 1: a big conversation to have. You give them the opportunity
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  Speaker 1: to decide if they want to stay with you or not.
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  Speaker 2: And that's fair, that's respect, that's definitely respect. Yeah, I
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  Speaker 2: think as well it can be one of those things
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  Speaker 2: where maybe you just have such a beautiful relationship with
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  Speaker 2: him that you're questioning if there's something more, but they
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  Speaker 2: might not be. Yeah, where it's just like maybe because
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  Speaker 2: you feel safe, and you obviously adore this person, and
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  Speaker 2: you've been friends, so you obviously emotionally support each other,
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  Speaker 2: so maybe there's a part of you that's like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: but maybe this feels like the start of a relationship,
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  Speaker 2: But it's just like that questioning, or maybe your intuition
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  Speaker 2: knows that you actually do feel some kind of interest
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  Speaker 2: for that person, then that's a different story.
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  Speaker 1: I wonder if too, you could ask yourself, is there
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  Speaker 1: something missing in your current relationship? Doesn't mean you can
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  Speaker 1: still love him, but sometimes if we're not getting a
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  Speaker 1: need met in a relationship, we go elsewhere for it,
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  Speaker 1: for sure. I think with a lot of girls they
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  Speaker 1: go to their girlfriends for it too, or they go
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  Speaker 1: to themselves. And for men, maybe it's like they go
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  Speaker 1: to pawn or people go to food, or they go
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  Speaker 1: to social media scrolling like we numb out and find
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  Speaker 1: it distraction or find something else to meet that need,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's connection or entertainment or something. Is there something
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  Speaker 1: missing in your current relationship that you get from this
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  Speaker 1: other man that you're not getting, and is that conversation
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  Speaker 1: to bring him to your fiance? Hey, I'm realizing I
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  Speaker 1: need more of this from you. Yeah, can you meet me?
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  Speaker 2: I love that because maybe there's a part of you
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  Speaker 2: that's wanting what you get from this other dynamic, but
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  Speaker 2: maybe you don't necessarily want it from him, you just
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  Speaker 2: want it more. Yeah, intimate relationship, could.
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  Speaker 1: We get the closeness? Could be flirting, it could be excitement.
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  Speaker 2: Playfulness, variety, whatever it is. Yeah, that's an interesting question.
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  Speaker 1: Actually deeper conversation. Sometimes I think people stay in relationships
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  Speaker 1: because they love them, but I think a lot of
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  Speaker 1: couples are fucking bored out of their brains, and like
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  Speaker 1: the thought of someone new or something that gives a
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  Speaker 1: bit of variety can be exciting.
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  Speaker 2: For sure.
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  Speaker 1: I know that unsagittarian. I love variety. I crave it
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  Speaker 1: so much, and that something seems very aware of so
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  Speaker 1: tries to create a lot of freedom and variety in
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  Speaker 1: our life, whether that's through dates, through how sexual we
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  Speaker 1: are together, to me having freedom to go with girlfriends
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  Speaker 1: and do different things. Like it's something I've communicated I
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  Speaker 1: need that.
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  Speaker 2: Makes sense, and it's such a valid thing for just
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  Speaker 2: humans in general to want and desire because definitely we
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  Speaker 2: don't like to feel restricted down or anything like that.
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  Speaker 2: And like the reality is, long term, you have to
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  Speaker 2: continuously keep that spark alive otherwise you just get pulled
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  Speaker 2: into the mundane of life. Yes, maybe it is more comfortable. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: maybe it's excitement and stuff. You've been together for six years,
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  Speaker 2: you're probably at that point where you're like, oh, things
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  Speaker 2: feel a bit monotonous, and you know it, is it
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  Speaker 2: looking like bringing more spark, more play, more life into
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  Speaker 2: your relationship again, and like bringing back the flirting and yeah,
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  Speaker 2: anything that you feel like, maybe isn't there anymore like
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  Speaker 2: what it was in the beginning?
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  Speaker 1: And is there a side of you that you're giving
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  Speaker 1: your friend that you're not giving your partner as well?
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  Speaker 1: Like are you playing a role? Yeah something to look at.
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  Speaker 2: Oh I like that. Oh it's a hard one, especially
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  Speaker 2: because you've got a wedding coming up. That feels like pressure.
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  Speaker 1: Now there's pressure exactly because you're on a.
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  Speaker 2: Time a timeline. It's like, oh my god, I've got
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  Speaker 2: to make a decision now. Yeah, but like you don't
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  Speaker 2: want to make a decision from that place because you're
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  Speaker 2: feeling disregulated, you want to make a grounder decision of
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  Speaker 2: what's right for you. And then also maybe is it
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  Speaker 2: a question of is there something underlying and it's something
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  Speaker 2: you've always wanted to explore, Because then if that is
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  Speaker 2: the case, like what you said, like if the roles
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  Speaker 2: were reverse, you'd want to know. Yeah, what would you
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  Speaker 2: do me? Yeah? If I truly felt like I was
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  Speaker 2: desiring somebody else, I don't think that I could go
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  Speaker 2: through with the wedding, Yeah, because I feel sick. I
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  Speaker 2: think for me, I mean, I don't know if this
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  Speaker 2: is just the Gemini in me, but like I'm constantly
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  Speaker 2: going back and forth in my head about two different ways.
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  Speaker 2: So like for me, I think if I had question,
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  Speaker 2: I would always question yeah, and that would eat me alive.
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  Speaker 2: And then it'd make me feel guilty and make you
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  Speaker 2: feel like I'm doing something wrong. Yeah, like I'm not
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  Speaker 2: a loyal partner and all of those things I just
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  Speaker 2: don't think are worth it.
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  Speaker 1: You know, we would love an update. I really feel
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  Speaker 1: for you, I'm the same. I don't think I could
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  Speaker 1: go through with it. I think it would eat me alive.
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  Speaker 1: I would feel sick. I would feel bad, like just
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  Speaker 1: I feel like going home to my fiance, I would
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  Speaker 1: look at him and feel guilt.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think I could.
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  Speaker 1: Go through with it, But I before I make any
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  Speaker 1: big decision, I would definitely ask myself those questions. Am
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  Speaker 1: I getting something from my friend that I'm not getting
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  Speaker 1: from my fiance? Is there a need not getting met?
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  Speaker 1: Am I giving something to my friend that I'm not
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  Speaker 1: giving to my fiance? Like where is the disconnect? Or
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  Speaker 1: am I or am I not acknowledging what I need?
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  Speaker 1: Or is this genuine feelings I have for this man?
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  Speaker 1: And say you broke up with your fiance and he
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  Speaker 1: stays with his girlfriend, what does that mean for you too? Yes,
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  Speaker 1: you're still doing the right things. I don't think you absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: I don't thin should say with your fiance is like
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  Speaker 1: a second best option because you wouldn't like that to
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  Speaker 1: be done to you, know, But I think there's some
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  Speaker 1: deeper questions to ask before you make the big decision.
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  Speaker 1: But think fast, because your wedding is coming up.
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  Speaker 2: Give us an update, let us know love and updatet
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  Speaker 2: us know where your head's at. What comes up for
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  Speaker 2: you when you hear us say these thinges and yeah,
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  Speaker 2: we'd love to hear from you again.
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  Speaker 1: And please know this is all with love. This is
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  Speaker 1: just literally us being honest. If Tianna came to me
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  Speaker 1: with this situation, I would be just as honest with her,
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  Speaker 1: and vice versa. We've had so many hard conversations about life, relationships, work, money, friendships.
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  Speaker 1: We're both just like, hey, can I pull you up
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  Speaker 1: on something? Like, Hey, you've said this, are you going
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  Speaker 1: to stand with this? Like, yeah, that's what real friends do.
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  Speaker 1: We want you to know that we are not going
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  Speaker 1: to sugarcoat it.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, it's true and it's hard to hear sometimes, but
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  Speaker 2: at the end of the day, like the people around
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  Speaker 2: you hold you to a higher stand because if you
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  Speaker 2: say that you want for your stuff and you know
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  Speaker 2: there's no point staying in a relationship that feels mediocre,
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  Speaker 2: you might love them, you might, absolutely, but if you're
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  Speaker 2: considering somebody else, there's probably either a reason for that
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  Speaker 2: or there's an underlying desire there, and that's also worth
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  Speaker 2: exploring too, I think. So it's really good advice.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for listening. Please give u an update. We
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  Speaker 1: absolutely love that, and we'll see you guys tomorrow. Bye.