Latest / The Touch of a Mustang / When Panic Takes Over with Hailey Coleman | Episode 65

Transcript

When Panic Takes Over with Hailey Coleman | Episode 65 · The Touch of a Mustang

0:00
When you get to that point where you rock bottom, it's hard to
0:02
know how to move forward. I was pretty much crawling into
0:06
the office crying and he's like, just buy a skipping rope.
0:10
I'm begging you to help me and you tell me to buy a skipping
0:13
rope. What made you go immediately to
0:17
it being a medical issue when you were in the depths of the
0:22
difficult relationship with a partner?
0:24
I had a lot of influences from him saying that I was crazy.
0:29
There's something wrong wrong with you.
0:31
It's obviously something that you need to get fixed.
0:34
It's so manipulated. Their words made me feel there
0:38
was something wrong with me. You talked about one of the most
0:41
important first steps is is for people to find their trauma
0:45
source. What advice do you have for
0:47
people who are maybe in a situation where they might not
0:50
even understand what's really affecting them, but there is
0:53
something that's off? If you don't no, then it's for
0:58
sure I memory block because of your survival mode.
1:02
But I also believe that people should seek support in finding
1:06
that source like. There are healers on this planet
1:09
with the power to soften the suffering of mankind, yet they
1:12
have remained in the recesses of the world, abused, discarded,
1:16
and labeled as trash. This is the touch of a Mustang.
1:20
I am your host, Shalise. Clough and I'm here.
1:24
To tell the story of wild horses, Mustangs and the humans
1:28
who are discovering and sharing their gifts while working to
1:31
protect their well-being and preserve their spirit so this
1:34
divine power won't be lost. Join us on this quest with the
1:39
Wild Mustang. Haley, thank you so much for
1:47
being here on the Touch of the Mustang Podcast.
1:49
Thank you, I'm excited to have a chat today.
1:52
I am really excited to talk with you about your journey and the
1:57
healing that you have done and how that has changed your life
2:01
and the work you do. So to start with, can you do a
2:04
quick introduction for our audience, tell them who you are,
2:07
a little bit about what you do. Absolutely.
2:09
My name is Haley Coleman. I'm from Canada, a coach and run
2:14
my own business. In terms of holistic healing, I
2:18
specialize in nervous system support.
2:20
And yeah, it's all based on lift trauma and then getting the
2:26
education behind it so that I can help other people who have
2:29
gone through similar traumas. That's why I'm here today.
2:32
And I just want to share my my story and hope that it can touch
2:37
other people. Beautiful.
2:38
So where would you say that your story starts?
2:43
I would say it was when my kids were younger.
2:45
I had a partner who is a psychopath actually didn't know
2:52
at the time. It was kind of like a situation
2:56
where they wear a mask. They were a pathological liar,
3:00
narcissist, emotionally abusive, chronic cheater, and I never had
3:05
anxiety. I was blessed to never have
3:07
anxiety growing up. I've never struggled with that.
3:10
But then going through the relationship that I was in, I
3:15
wasn't listening to my signs and symptoms of my body and I
3:18
actually started getting like full blown panic attacks, which
3:21
was super new to me. This one time was my rock
3:25
bottom. I was cuddling my 3 kiddos and
3:28
it was super calm. We were just like on the couch.
3:30
And all of a sudden I got a full body panic attack out of
3:33
nowhere. And I just tried to like keep it
3:36
together and I just had like a little bit of tears running down
3:39
my face. But my girls started rubbing my
3:42
back and singing me the song that I sing to them when they're
3:46
upset at, which is Blackbird 5 Beatles.
3:50
And that was my my rock bottom where I was like, I need to
3:53
figure this out. Why is my body doing this?
3:55
What is happening? How can I heal it?
3:58
Like I have these three beautiful kids staring at me
4:01
while I have tears running down my face trying to keep my shit
4:04
together. How do you how do I fix this?
4:06
So you hit that rock bottom point.
4:09
What were the next steps that you took?
4:11
Because a lot of times when you get to that point where you rock
4:13
bottom, it's hard to know how to move forward.
4:16
Especially when you're in survival mode, right, you don't
4:19
really think clearly. You kind of are like floating
4:22
around life. You're just kind of
4:24
disassociated. I initially thought that it had
4:28
to do with my period because it was my panic attacks were amped
4:33
up just before my period. So I started to track and then I
4:37
was like, but then panic attacks were kind of happening all
4:40
month. So I had gone to my doctor and
4:44
was like exploring like maybe it's hormonal due to my estrogen
4:47
and progesterone, whatever. That was not real.
4:51
So then we explored all of my like blood tests, right?
4:55
Like we're going through all the things medical.
4:57
Everything came back normal. Then we had a random doctor come
5:01
in. He was a like a spare doctor and
5:04
he was like, I want to explain panic attacks to you.
5:08
You know this What? Kind of doctor, Did you say he?
5:10
Was like a spare, like he, he like we lived in a smaller
5:16
suburb, so. Like just like on call or just
5:19
extra? Not a regular.
5:21
Oh, OK, no, you're good, I said. Like, yeah, he was like someone
5:25
we didn't know. He's not from our town or
5:27
whatever. And, and he said, did you know
5:31
that like interval skipping is the same reaction in your body
5:36
as a panic attack? And I was like, like, speak to
5:39
me. Like what does this mean?
5:40
And what am I getting at? So he's like, I want you to
5:45
like, this is like me like breaking down like 6 months in
5:48
of like panic attacks every other day, like crying in the
5:51
doctor's office. Help me.
5:53
And he's like, I want you to go home and I want you to skip for
5:56
three weeks. And I was like, are you kidding
5:59
me? Like that's your answer.
6:01
Wait like skip like? Skipping like a skip.
6:04
Rope like you're skipping like skipping like jump rope.
6:07
Yeah. OK, so he was like, buy yourself
6:11
a skipping rope. And he's like, and I want you to
6:13
get a log book. And he's like, you're going to
6:15
do a skipping for 10 minutes a day for three weeks.
6:20
And every time you skip, you skip super fast for 30 to 40
6:25
seconds and then time your heart rate and time how long it takes
6:31
for you to calm your body down to resting state.
6:33
I was like, OK, so it was like a bit of a challenge.
6:36
I'm stubborn. So obviously I'm going to like,
6:38
I was like, I'm going to master this.
6:39
So I by a skipping rope and I'm like doing the skipping every
6:45
day and at first it took me over 2 minutes to like almost 3
6:50
minutes to calm my body from skipping like high interval to
6:55
resting heart rate. By the end of like my journey it
6:58
was like 2 to 3 weeks. I got it down to 3040 seconds of
7:02
me being able to calm my body. So then I went like a back to
7:06
him and I was like, here's here's my log book.
7:09
I've been skipping. I've lost like 5 lbs.
7:13
I feel like feel better. And he's like, OK, so when our
7:18
body reacts like that and our heart rate all of a sudden gets
7:22
skyrocket and you start sweating and you are out of breath and
7:25
all these things happen biologically in your body.
7:28
He's like skipping is a positive reaction, but it's the exact
7:32
same symptoms as a panic attack. That's just a negative reaction.
7:37
So he's like, if you can train your body like you've just done
7:41
to calm yourself, then that's muscle like memory.
7:45
So now if you have a panic attack, you'll be able to do the
7:48
same calming techniques because your body now remembers 1 was
7:52
just positive and one was negative.
7:54
Not like blew me away. And that was the start of, like,
7:58
my holistic journey of, like, how does our mind and body
8:02
connect and our nervous system and how can we naturally control
8:07
it? Yeah, it was fascinating.
8:09
Yeah, what a great doctor. I've never heard of that
8:11
treatment approach. Like what a perfect time for him
8:15
to be coming to your small town. Like, godsend.
8:18
He like randomly came in and I was just like, pretty much like
8:22
crawling into the office crying. And he's like, yeah, just buy a
8:26
skipping rope. I'm like, are you crazy?
8:28
Like I'm begging you to help me and you tell me to buy a
8:31
skipping rope. Yeah, amazing that just a
8:35
physical change like that can make such a huge difference.
8:38
That is really. Yeah.
8:39
What made you go immediately to it being a medical issue when
8:44
you were in the depths of the difficult relationship with a
8:48
partner? Because I know a lot of times
8:51
when you're in those relationships, it's really easy
8:53
to dismiss things that if you were outside of, you would be
8:55
like, this is not OK, this is not normal.
8:58
Yeah, I think it happens to a lot of people, and it's kind of
9:00
a gradual thing, I would imagine.
9:02
So can you talk to us a little bit about that process of maybe,
9:06
I'm assuming that was a big part of what led to the panic
9:09
attacks? And if that's the case, what was
9:12
that process from going from thinking this is a physical
9:15
thing, everything else is OK, to maybe addressing the real stem
9:20
of the issue? I had a lot of influences from
9:24
him at the time, saying that I was crazy.
9:29
There's something wrong with you.
9:31
It's obviously like something that you need to get fixed.
9:36
Making it feel because so manipulated in the moment that
9:42
it, their words made me feel like there was something wrong
9:47
with me without being like, I wasn't really in the holistic
9:50
world at that time. It was, it made more sense to be
9:53
like, well, obviously there's something medically wrong with
9:56
me. So I need to explore that.
9:58
Like, and I'm saying like, like hooked up to like a heart
10:02
monitor for three days. Well, obviously it's your
10:04
period. Like maybe you're going crazy,
10:07
maybe you have mental health issues.
10:10
And I was like, the little voice in your head is like, but none
10:14
of that makes sense. But the person that's
10:17
manipulating you is saying this is what I see.
10:20
Like obviously it's a you thing, you know, and it's like classic
10:25
manipulation, right? Yeah, and hard to not believe
10:28
that when you're in a relationship, a close
10:31
relationship like that, and it's someone that you believe cares
10:34
about you to not believe like, OK, maybe they're seeing
10:37
something that I'm not. Yeah.
10:41
So what was that process to finally realizing like this is a
10:44
different issue, it's not a medical issue, This is something
10:47
that I need to address in different ways?
10:48
I I went about it medically at 1st until I met that Doctor Who
10:57
taught me about the skipping strategy.
11:00
And after that I became kind of obsessed to like explore what
11:05
else can I control holistically? What else is happening?
11:08
Can I control my hormones with food and lifestyle?
11:13
Can I control the way that my heart rate is and my breath work
11:19
and like my mind, like how can I harness that so that I can be my
11:24
best self for my kids? And I just dove right into it.
11:28
I think the first thing I just started to do was I learned
11:32
energy work. I really, I became part of a
11:35
group and a mastermind and I learned how to meditate so that
11:41
I could shut off my conscious brain and really tune into my
11:47
body and my mind. So I mastered that.
11:50
That was so helpful, but I paid, I paid to be a part of a
11:56
learning group so I could truly understand how to how it works
11:59
and the different strategies on, on meditation.
12:03
And then the same I learned a bunch of energy work and how
12:08
different movement can really like change the energy in the
12:12
moment of our body. So it just became a snowball
12:16
effect of what else can I learn about?
12:19
What other certificates can I get into and focus on?
12:24
Starting with meditation and energy work, what were some of
12:27
the core principles you learned that you really found helpful?
12:30
For my meditation, I really learned how to shut off my mind.
12:35
So you kind of, I found it an ancient music that I really like
12:39
my soul, like I got like goosebumps from it.
12:42
So I was like, I'm going to put this on in the background.
12:44
And my previous job, I was blessed to be a part of
12:48
traditional indigenous ceremonies.
12:51
So I knew how to sage and cleanse and do some prayers and
12:55
stuff from an indigenous healing circles.
12:59
So I incorporated that into my meditation work.
13:02
So, so I would start with like my indigenous healing that I was
13:07
taught with the saging and a prayer.
13:11
And then I would just kind of put on my music and just get
13:16
into like a trance state. My kids were incredible with the
13:20
process. They would either come and lay
13:22
on the floor in my room and like do it with me.
13:26
And it was, I don't think they were meditating.
13:28
It was more like relaxing. But yeah, I just would allow
13:33
myself to just shut my mind off. But it takes a lot of practice.
13:37
It probably took me 6 months plus to like really learn how to
13:42
like shut off your brain. About.
13:45
Because the chatter and then like when the chatter comes
13:48
back, you're just like, you have to like reset.
13:50
But that was a turning point for me in terms of learning how to
13:55
reset my nervous system. And then the energy work my kids
13:58
were super interested in like the chakras and the crystals and
14:03
the stones and all the things. So that was kind of like a
14:05
family thing that we just like, learned about the different
14:10
healing stones and like they're still fascinated with it, which
14:13
is cute. And then what came after that
14:15
after you started incorporating meditation, focusing on energy
14:20
and how it was impacting you? My panic attacks stopped like
14:23
completely. So that was huge data for me
14:27
that I can control my body, I can control my mind.
14:31
Was this why your partner was still around?
14:34
Your environment changed? OK.
14:35
Yeah, well, yeah. So it took me a while to leave,
14:41
to get set up and leave. But I knew that while I was
14:45
like, prepping and setting myself up for a separation, I
14:49
needed to like, heal myself while I was doing that.
14:54
So that's why, like, the meditation really, really
14:56
helped. And yeah, I was, I think, panic
14:59
attack free for a year, leaving that relationships.
15:03
That was pretty powerful. And the environment didn't
15:07
change until I left. And I needed to like, delete a
15:12
lot of people from my life that were connected.
15:15
How powerful though, that you were able to make those changes
15:17
even in the midst of difficulty. And a lot of times you do need
15:21
that time to kind of regroup and to change that environment.
15:24
So it's not always something you can do immediately, but that you
15:27
were able to change your mental state Despite that is really
15:30
powerful. Yeah, it was, it was either that
15:34
or I was going to keep spiraling with mental health and I had
15:37
three kids staring at me. So that was my why.
15:40
I highly encourage you to find your why.
15:46
You need to have a why in order to move forward.
15:49
And my reason was my kids because I didn't want them to
15:52
watch that. I, I wanted to be the best
15:56
version of myself for my children.
15:59
And it was really sad. Like I still, like, I'd be doing
16:02
the dishes and I'd have tears running down my face because
16:05
I'm, I'm still struggling, but I know I'm making the next steps
16:10
to like be better and change the environment for myself and my
16:15
children. Yeah, children definitely are a
16:17
powerful incentive when you it's almost easier when you know
16:20
someone else is depending on you than if it was just you that you
16:23
needed to take care of. Sometimes it can be easier to
16:25
justify, like, OK, I need to do this not necessarily for
16:28
yourself, but for your children. And of course it is important
16:31
for yourself. It's just hard for a lot of us
16:34
who take care of other people and care a lot about other
16:36
people to see that. Yeah.
16:38
And if you, even if you don't have children, like what is your
16:41
reason? Like, what was your life goal?
16:43
What was your next steps that you wanted that brought you joy?
16:46
Like if something's holding you back from that kind of
16:51
lifestyle, like, that's still your why, yeah.
16:54
I agree it is really important to find your why to understand
16:57
that there is a value in healing yourself for the sake of healing
17:00
and and where that might lead what you might be able to work
17:03
to boards in doing that. Yeah, it's so powerful.
17:07
And once you start it's and you see little glimmers of hope, it
17:11
just kind of keeps going. And, and so I don't know, I
17:15
always say to my clients, like, let's start with the source.
17:18
Where is your source in terms of your traumas, your triggers?
17:23
And once you know your source, then that's where the healing
17:26
can really start. Because a lot of people that I
17:29
work with will come to me and be like, oh, I've been in therapy
17:32
for years and I'm still triggered and I'm still not
17:35
healing or I've tried all these things and but I haven't tried
17:39
actually working on my mind and my body together or my mind,
17:43
body soul together. I've only worked on my mind in
17:46
therapy. OK, well, what about your gut
17:48
health? Like our emotions are built in
17:51
our gut. How's your, how's your eating
17:53
habits? How's your daily habits?
17:55
Like you can't just only work on your mind and forget about your
17:58
body and your soul because our soul is soul LED in terms of
18:02
what brings us joy. What brings us pleasure is, is
18:04
this something that is a purpose for you?
18:07
So they're all they all work together.
18:10
And I think a lot of our mainstream medical healing
18:15
avenues don't put all those together like medical.
18:18
It's like, oh, let's fix your body.
18:20
Cool. But my mind's broken.
18:21
OK, well, here's therapy. Let's fix your mind, OK?
18:24
But my body still broken like nothing, like nobody fully works
18:28
together in our mainstream society.
18:31
So. Well, that's the gap that I've
18:34
noticed here. It's.
18:35
Yeah. I agree, and it is.
18:37
We can't just take pieces of ourselves and expect it to not
18:40
influence the other areas of your life.
18:42
Certainly it needs to be a whole approach to the whole body,
18:46
which is interesting that we don't practice that way because
18:49
it's definitely there in theory. A lot of different approaches
18:52
say that yes, biology is associated with your psychology,
18:56
your mind and your thinking, and that's associated with your
18:59
environment and the social areas that you are in.
19:02
But we a lot of times pull it apart and be like, OK, we'll
19:05
just fix this ache and pain or just fix this way.
19:09
I'm thinking. So talk a little bit more about
19:12
how you went from this being your personal journey of healing
19:16
and discovering this different things into the work that you do
19:19
now. Well, to be honest, I started
19:22
doing some intuitive work for free just to see like how I
19:25
would feel if I want to actually like move forward as a healing
19:29
coach because it's, I don't take it lightly.
19:32
Like I'm playing, I'm like working with people's lives.
19:36
And, and so I really wanted to like hone in on my skills and my
19:40
gifts before I put it out there to the world, But it and I
19:44
really wanted to get some like science and education under my
19:49
belt too. So like yes, I have lived
19:51
experience and had a bunch of clients before I started my
19:56
business, but in that process I was.
20:01
I went to school to learn cognitive behavioral therapy.
20:04
I went to school to learn how to do holistic life coaching,
20:08
ancient breath work, addictions. And because I want to understand
20:12
the mind a bit more in terms of like when if we're fixated on
20:15
things and really dove into gut health journey with my natural
20:19
path. And so I wanted to like get all
20:21
that together before I truly coached others because I really
20:26
wanted to master the mind body, soul connection.
20:31
And but I wanted to have like the education behind it.
20:34
So I could say like, yeah, I am the, I do know my stuff.
20:38
It's not just a lived experience.
20:41
Yeah. And then I just started putting
20:42
it out there. It was super weird.
20:44
I just started talking about it. Like, are you struggling with
20:48
this? Do you need support with this,
20:49
like on social media? And within the first year, I had
20:53
over 50 clients. And now like I'm in year 3 and,
20:58
and I just left corporate less than a month ago.
21:01
And so I wasn't pouring into this full time and I have over
21:05
150 clients from around the world.
21:07
So I'm excited to see to expand even further.
21:11
And that's why I'm taking the leap and going on podcast now
21:15
because I just want to, I want to share my voice and my gift to
21:19
the masses. I think everyone has a journey
21:22
and it's so important to hear like how somebody else similar
21:26
to you went through that, but got through it in a different
21:29
capacity. And that helped me on my journey
21:32
to like listening to other women who have struggled, but maybe
21:36
didn't make it out, are still struggling, but like, and so my
21:39
curious brain is, well, why are you still struggling?
21:42
What didn't you do or what have you done so far and still need
21:46
to do it? Like, I'm just curious.
21:47
So yeah, I'm excited to to expand now that I'm not in
21:52
corporate. I don't know if anyone else can
21:54
relate, but sometimes corporate just like bogs you down at a
21:57
soul level. So scary to leave corporate, but
22:01
I'm here for it. Like let's, I'm just excited.
22:03
Yeah, now I've talked to lots of people who are in corporate and
22:06
now they're just living completely, totally different
22:09
lives. Yeah, it's got to be soul.
22:11
And I promised myself at the moment I left corporate, I was
22:16
going to do every decision with the ask of does this bring me
22:22
pleasure or does this give me pressure?
22:25
And so I've been trying to live by that for the last little
22:28
while. And yeah, so every decision
22:31
moving forward, I've pleasure or pressure.
22:34
How has that changed your decision making process to focus
22:37
on pleasure instead of pressure? And in that a lot of times our
22:41
decisions are kind of made on this belief that it's what's
22:44
needed for survival. Corporate obviously is a good
22:48
source of income. Yeah.
22:50
How has that changed your trajectory and the way you make
22:53
decisions? I feel like every day is a new
22:57
day and I can decide what I'm doing that day and based on my
23:01
energy. And it feels so amazing to be
23:05
able to say no, what I'm going to, I'm going to go to the gym
23:09
today and I'm just going to like go for a walk and I'm going to
23:11
pour into this later. And it's just like, so, so LED.
23:16
I've never been able to do that in my life because I had kids so
23:20
young that I was always like, I have to, to work corporate, I
23:24
have to get this. I have to work 9:00 to 5:00.
23:27
I have to support my kids. And now I'm in a position where
23:30
I have opportunities to do soul LED work and and profit.
23:35
And it's just a beautiful feeling and I feel so blessed
23:39
and grateful. But yeah, it took a few tears
23:42
and a leap of faith for sure. Going back a little bit, you
23:46
talked about that. You think one of the most
23:48
important first steps is for people to find their trauma
23:52
source. What advice or direction do you
23:54
have for people who are maybe in a situation where they might not
23:58
even understand what's really affecting them?
24:00
But there is something that's off, whether that's a physical
24:03
issue that's presenting itself or emotional issues that they
24:06
aren't necessarily able to pinpoint where it's coming from.
24:09
Maybe because, like you, they were in the thick of it and it's
24:12
hard to see what is affecting you in that way.
24:16
What can people do to identify that?
24:18
What's the best starting place for them to move from?
24:21
I always say, like, if you haven't been able to find the
24:24
source yet, like sometimes it's from childhood, right?
24:27
So it's hard to determine what exactly the source was because
24:31
our trauma, like our brains naturally shut stuff out if it's
24:35
trauma as a survival technique. So I've had a lot of clients
24:40
come to me and say I get triggered from this, this and
24:44
this causes me to have these symptoms and I don't know why.
24:49
So then I use my intuitive gift to go back and and work with
24:56
them to figure out what happened in their childhood.
24:58
What does that look like? Sorting out people, places,
25:02
things, scenarios that happened as a child and and work with
25:07
them to figure out that time frame.
25:10
If you don't no, then it's for sure I memory block because of
25:17
your survival mode. But I also believe that people
25:21
should seek support in finding that source.
25:23
Like if you can't naturally find it, you're always going to be
25:26
triggered. You're never going to be fully
25:29
healed because things are going to pop up throughout your life
25:32
and it could you could be fined for like 10 years and then
25:34
something happens. Like trauma is such a weird
25:37
thing and so I highly recommend working with someone at least to
25:42
find the source and then working through it.
25:46
But I've had like everyone's unique, one's nervous system is
25:50
unique, everyone's experience is unique.
25:52
So don't have like a one like statement, but people have a
25:59
friend symptoms. So your physical symptoms could
26:02
be gut health related. So you have you're having like
26:06
acid reflux. Or.
26:08
You know, like lots of bloating or weight gain, hair loss,
26:12
cavities because you're being depleted because your gut health
26:15
is off. Like there's so many different
26:16
things, cardiac stuff. So maybe you're getting heart
26:19
palpitations or irregular heart rate or like flashes where you
26:25
just get like dizzy or out of breath sweaty.
26:30
There's so many things, right? Like some people get
26:33
disassociated and they like can't feel their limbs or they
26:37
get like tingly limbs. Another one that's not physical
26:41
is I have some clients that like apologize for everything.
26:45
Like almost in like the same like every sentence like, oh,
26:49
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
26:50
I'm like, what are you sorry for?
26:52
Something I have to watch? That's a trauma response.
26:55
That's a, that's a response that you were learned behaviorally to
27:00
make up for something. Or if you're lacking in like
27:04
insecurities due to something, like you're going to like want
27:07
to apologize for something or like shutting down, your brain
27:13
shuts down so you can't form sentences.
27:15
Memory loss, that's a big one. Like where you're just like,
27:19
well, I remember the details five years ago, but like, can't
27:22
remember what I did an hour ago or where I put that thing.
27:26
So there's so many things. And I always say to my clients,
27:32
once you find the source, the next step is to figure out how
27:37
you felt physically, mentally when you were living your best
27:41
life. So when was that?
27:43
How many years ago was that? How did you feel?
27:46
Compare that to now and now, now you're having more headaches.
27:49
Now you're sleepless nights. Now you eat stuff and your guts
27:54
instantly off. Now you know what I mean?
27:56
Like compared to when you felt your best.
27:58
And those are your symptoms of your nervous system.
28:02
And it's so fascinating to hear my clients speak about about the
28:07
comparison once we actually figure it out.
28:10
And once they know and they're aware, then once those symptoms
28:15
come up again, they're like, oh, I can implement this strategy
28:18
right now because obviously I'm stressed and I didn't realize
28:23
because our body tells us first. Yeah, and the childhood piece is
28:26
such a tricky one because as children, that's the reality we
28:30
grow up in. So even if there is abnormal
28:33
things or even just things that maybe aren't clear cut trauma,
28:37
not physical abuse, just things that we learn that maybe you're
28:41
supposed to, you know, apologize all the time.
28:43
You're supposed to make yourself small.
28:44
You're not supposed to cause issues.
28:46
You know, that's the norm that we know.
28:49
Like that's the baseline foundation for what we've built
28:52
our life on. So that's a really tricky 1 to
28:55
go back and kind of see like where are those abnormalities?
28:59
Where is maybe something that has caused me to react in the
29:03
way that I am now. And it yeah, it's interesting
29:05
because, you know, like, maybe your parents or guardians didn't
29:09
allow you to have a voice or maybe you were told that you
29:14
were too much and learning all this.
29:16
Like, I try to implement it with my own kids.
29:18
Like my middle one is where's her heart on her sleeve?
29:21
She's so extra. And it's hilarious.
29:24
And like her siblings always say like, you're so dramatic or
29:28
you're so this and then she gets upset.
29:31
And like, so I always say to her, like, that's your gift.
29:35
One day you're going to be able to use that.
29:38
And like, yes, you do have a lot of dramatic tendencies, but
29:43
think about like how you can use that as a gift.
29:45
And that's like your superpower. And you just see her like light
29:48
up. And I wish that was said to like
29:51
us as kids, right? Instead of like, if making us
29:54
feel certain ways, like, why can't we use that as adults and
29:59
parents to harm that for our children and say, that's your
30:02
gift, that's your superpower and use that to help people or use
30:08
that to help yourself. Or, you know, like my oldest,
30:11
she's so headstrong and so like powerful, but like bold in her
30:15
words. So how do you use that?
30:17
Like, how do you need to like find a career where you can have
30:21
that loud voice in terms of maybe you need to be an advocate
30:25
for somebody find, find that gift.
30:27
And, and because as kids growing up now as adults, we're we we're
30:34
finding all the things wrong with us.
30:35
And it shows up in relationships with our partners, our friends,
30:38
our family and it and it doesn't, yeah.
30:41
It doesn't have to be like abuse or harm in any way.
30:45
It could just be the way that they made us feel as, as a
30:50
parent now knowing all this, like I highly encourage other
30:56
parents to learn to speak to our kids in a way that they have
31:01
superpowers and try to allow them to harness that.
31:04
Because when they turn into adults, I don't want my kids to
31:07
be in therapy for years because mom said that you're you're too
31:14
much. So now you have to be small.
31:17
So like I say stuff like to my middle one, if they can't handle
31:22
you, they're not for you, right, Like try imagine if you had that
31:26
growing up to say like, no, that is your voice.
31:30
Just learn how to use it or it's OK to apologize, but learn when,
31:35
because there you've done nothing wrong.
31:37
But there's a lot. I feel like our generation,
31:39
parents coming off of a parent generation that was just not
31:45
like our grandparents, like it's just so different of how they
31:48
parented the kids. So it's all product of our
31:51
environment, but. And I love that framing that you
31:54
can look at those things as a gift because one thing I found
31:57
is that all those gifts that we're kind of talking about can
32:00
also be seen as weaknesses. Whether that's someone being
32:04
quiet, you know, stop being so shy.
32:06
Every single one of those can go either way.
32:09
And so for our kids, for ourselves, if we can really lean
32:13
into those differences that we have, those things that maybe
32:16
hit us a little harder, we stand out for or we're maybe
32:19
self-conscious about. A lot of those, a lot of times,
32:24
those are the things that we can utilize.
32:26
If we can learn how to turn it into it from a weakness or what
32:30
might people might term a weakness into a gift.
32:33
And like you shared with your kids, it can be a sibling, it
32:36
can be someone at school that said something that we just
32:39
carry with us. And we kind of don't feel great
32:41
about our whole life because someone said this this one time
32:44
and it hit us. We probably knew there was some
32:46
truth to it. But if we can reframe that and
32:48
realize this is something that I can turn into something that's
32:51
really good for for my life and for the people around me.
32:54
I like that framing a lot that you shared.
32:56
Yeah, sometimes siblings are ruthless.
32:59
Like, let's be honest, like watching my kids some days when
33:04
they're just all in a mood, I'm like, you guys are awful to each
33:07
other. Like you guys are literally
33:08
making yourselves feel so sad like.
33:12
It's it's always good to hear that, yeah, that this is kind of
33:16
a typical experience because sometimes I think where did you
33:19
guys learn this? Like I've never modeled this
33:21
behavior for you, but yeah, it's, it's just that world of
33:24
learning and growing, I guess. But it can be, it can be intense
33:28
even there. Absolutely.
33:29
Yeah, like, even yesterday morning, like trying to get all
33:32
three out of the door on time for school, like they were so
33:35
horrific to each other. And I was like, I like, stop the
33:39
car. And I was like, you need to
33:40
stop. Like if you have nothing nice to
33:42
say, like why are you breaking each other down?
33:45
Like you're just like trying to make them feel like crap.
33:49
Like just it's like 8 in the morning like.
33:51
Everyone just be quiet. Have like a nice calm Zen
33:55
morning. Like, why do you have to go in
33:57
with like horrific, like hysterical screaming fights
34:01
like? Yeah, yeah.
34:03
It's so tricky. It's tricky.
34:05
I think it's good to look at all of it being part of the process
34:09
of discovering ourselves because no matter how we're raised,
34:12
there's gonna be some things that kind of some sticking
34:14
points where we just have a hard time getting past or have maybe
34:19
stayed with us and we're very self-conscious of now.
34:22
So it is all such a journey of learning how to.
34:25
Absolutely. But like you guys like even
34:28
think, okay, well, if our sibling, the siblings are being
34:31
awful to each other, like there are some really awful people in
34:35
this world and they are going to encounter those humans.
34:38
And, and like I, I'm trying to like look at it as when my 3
34:42
kids are fighting afterwards that like when they're calm,
34:45
I'll be like, OK, I understand that.
34:46
But did you, if that, if you were being mean to so and so,
34:51
like why, why did you have to say that back?
34:54
Why did you have to like try to make them feel worse?
34:58
Like next time, please walk away.
35:01
Because like, we know, like, if you're at a job and someone's
35:05
just like, so verbally abusive, you need to have those skills.
35:09
I, I firmly believe our siblings allow these skills of how to
35:16
solve problems with mean people. Yeah.
35:20
But yeah, having those conversations and like,
35:23
afterwards, like, OK, what could you have done better?
35:26
Definitely learning curve. And that's what we're here for.
35:30
Yeah, there's. Some really crappy people in
35:32
this world, so. Yeah.
35:34
And no doubt they're going to encounter people that are just
35:37
straight up bad people that they just don't mesh well with, that
35:41
they clash that trigger them, that they trigger.
35:43
So understanding how we can better support ourselves and our
35:46
internal systems is a really powerful thing for sure.
35:50
Yeah, teaching our kids like nervous system regulation has
35:55
been my my goal for the last few years, especially with our world
36:00
right now. Like watching like all this
36:03
mental health come to play with kids.
36:05
Like I, I don't know if it's the media that's making it more,
36:07
making us more aware, or if it's actually I, I don't know if the
36:12
stats are up. I didn't look, but it just feels
36:14
like it's a lot more often with like kids with anxiety more and,
36:19
and like major mental health issues.
36:22
And it's so sad. And I just think that our next
36:25
generation truly needs to learn how to regulate their nervous
36:30
system. Yeah, and in my experience, I've
36:33
seen a lot of that is the intense overstimulation and
36:37
access to other people's lives. Obviously with things online and
36:41
stuff, it's really hard to ever have that space to breathe away
36:46
from all the pressures. Yeah, that's a good point.
36:49
I think we're definitely seeing that with children, some of the
36:52
struggles they're facing, that it's so easy.
36:56
Before you just automatically had down time.
36:58
You had to be bored. You didn't have.
37:01
It's like, what are you gonna do now?
37:02
It's so easy to check out and to get on a phone, get on a video
37:06
game, get on whatever device there is.
37:11
And I think the tricky part is it feels like it calms your
37:15
nervous system because you can let go of everything that's
37:18
going on in your head and everything, but it's really not.
37:22
It's just revamping all those emotions into different areas.
37:25
And it's like sweeping it under the rug.
37:27
It's like, well, I just felt crappy at school.
37:31
I had a really bad day. And then you're going to go and
37:33
watch a show. So it's like encouraging our
37:36
kids will want you go in color. Like do some like my kids are
37:39
older now. So like, we do the really hard,
37:42
like, adult paint by number. So that's more of like a
37:45
challenge where you sit down. They're really into.
37:48
Have you ever heard of, like, it's like diamond art?
37:51
Yeah. So that way I get like, the
37:53
really challenging ones and they just sit there and do it.
37:55
I'll just put it on the table. So, like, trying to encourage
37:58
kids at any age. Well, what do you want to do
38:00
with my little guy? He's 10, obsessed with hockey.
38:04
Go play mini sticks downstairs. Put on music.
38:07
Go play mini sticks instead of just watching your shows for a
38:10
bit. If you had a rough day, you
38:11
know, going back to the basics because like when I was little,
38:14
my parents be like, go outside, like come back with the
38:16
streetlights come on right? And like learning just to like
38:19
be friends with all the neighbors and run around your
38:22
street and just have fun and like, no cares, right?
38:26
Yeah. And I think those activities
38:28
like you were talking about that are not totally mindless, but
38:31
allow us to have respite in our minds, like the painting or
38:36
Diamonds art. Those can really be a place
38:39
where we can release some of that emotion and lean into it.
38:43
We're not covering it up. It's just we're not focusing on
38:46
it, letting it move through, being in different moment.
38:49
It's so important and like learning, learning your kids or
38:53
and ourselves. Like I'll sit and do the stuff
38:55
with the girls. Like they like more of the
38:57
crafty stuff, but my little guy does too.
38:59
He's really into, I don't know if you can see this, but I buy I
39:03
buy this instead of Lego because he's past the Lego.
39:06
It's I think it's like connects or something.
39:08
It's more like a challenging one.
39:10
So like, he'll sit and do that because he's 10.
39:13
So yeah, like finding different things.
39:15
But like, I enjoy it too, right? It's like stuff adults wouldn't
39:19
do. But like, if you sit down with
39:21
your kids and like, dude, it's actually enjoyable.
39:23
It's something different. It takes you your brain off of
39:26
stuff too and allows you to move through emotions and.
39:29
Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because, yeah, we
39:32
talk about the kids a lot, but as adults, we're just as
39:34
susceptible, maybe slightly less.
39:36
Our brains are a little more developed, but certainly the
39:39
addictive nature of the online world can be something that
39:43
affects us, something that is then dominating down to our
39:46
kids. Very easy for us to go like I'm
39:49
overwhelmed, over stimulated. I'm just going to check out for
39:52
a minute, read the news, look at a social media page instead of
39:57
doing some of those restorative practices.
39:59
Yeah, and we need to remind ourselves that like, if we don't
40:03
do them, our kids aren't going to do them.
40:05
Talk to us a little bit more about developing your intuition
40:09
with chaos, with the overwhelm, the pressure that we feel, how
40:13
that can be tamped down. Yeah.
40:17
Well, our brains can't access anything out other than survival
40:22
mode if we're if we are that maxed out, like we cannot tap
40:26
into intuition. If, if we're in survival mode,
40:30
our brain and our bodies shut down certain aspects of it of
40:35
itself in order for it to survive in the present moment
40:40
with the only things it needs to survive, if that makes sense.
40:43
So all the extra stuff like the positive feelings, the deep
40:47
conversations, the problem solving, the connecting, the
40:52
love, the intuition, like none of that is really that possible
40:57
when you're really in survival mode, especially if you're in a
41:01
Free State. A lot of people don't even know
41:03
that they're in a Free State. But my whole family comes from
41:08
England area and our whole family's intuitive.
41:11
And when I was hitting rock bottom, I've always been
41:14
intuitive as a child. I've always had dreams that have
41:17
come true. I've always had thoughts pop up
41:21
before the actually happened in real life.
41:23
And so I started to tap into that when I was, when I hit rock
41:28
bottom a few like years ago on my journey of learning
41:32
meditation. It really was interesting to
41:38
harness that, that new side of my, my mind and my subconscious
41:43
and learning how to utilize it in coaching.
41:47
Like for example, we just went through a bit of trauma in the
41:52
fall. It took some time to, to get
41:55
here, but we had to deal with some stuff on me and the kiddos
41:58
and I lost all intuition. Like I even told all of my
42:02
clients like I can't, I can't book you for intuitive calls.
42:06
Like it's literally not there. I can't even tap into it.
42:10
It was so bizarre because I talked about it often about how
42:13
we can't tap into things like even like gut feelings and stuff
42:17
like that or other people's like, I can't pick up on your
42:20
energy or read your emotions when when I'm like that.
42:23
And it was it. And then it was happening to me
42:27
and it was crazy. It was so such a weird feeling
42:30
because I've always been intuitive and that side of my
42:35
brain just completely shut down for about two months.
42:38
Is that intuition something that you think everyone can build or
42:41
grow? Absolutely.
42:43
I feel that our society and our environments make us have closed
42:47
minds. If you watch children who are
42:50
very whimsical and very like open minded and magical, like
42:54
kids can be so magical at a young age, but then they get
42:58
influenced. So everyone, if you, you can
43:02
learn, relearn that magical side of you, that whimsical side of
43:06
you of, of like being in the present moment.
43:09
And like I talk about this with my clients.
43:11
Like do you hear the wind when you're walking?
43:14
Can you look ahead on a walk and hear those trees and those
43:19
leaves moving in the background? Like how present are you?
43:23
Do you feel the grass on your feet?
43:26
Do you feel the sun warmth on a certain part of your body when
43:30
you're when you're out and about?
43:32
How present are you? Because if you can't even like,
43:34
pause to hear that butterfly that just went by and how are
43:40
you going to tap into your intuition, you block it.
43:43
Everyone blocks it due to our influences.
43:46
And that could be our partners, our family, our friend group.
43:49
Maybe they don't believe in that side of things.
43:53
So yeah, it depends on how interested you are at a soul
43:56
level in getting that back and what practices you want to
44:00
incorporate into your daily life to get that back.
44:04
Yeah, I think it is important to remember that we do all have
44:07
access to some deeper wisdom, to some access to our internal
44:12
feelings that are free without all the stimulation of the world
44:16
around us. That can really work to serve as
44:18
a guide of the next steps we need to take, the specific
44:22
challenges we have in our life and how we can best face them.
44:25
So I love that some of those steps you gave are really just
44:28
slow down, observe the world, use your other senses and how
44:32
that can open up that space for us to have that inspiration or
44:36
intuition to speak to us, that deeper wisdom.
44:38
And that's a really good strategy too, that I teach my
44:41
clients in terms of if you're feeling overwhelmed, if your
44:44
chest is tight, if you're like, not if you like notice that
44:48
you're doing deep breaths kind of randomly instead of like your
44:52
calm regular breathing or you just feel like you're on edge or
44:58
you're snapping at people, like do that stuff.
45:00
What can you hear? Like you can even be in an
45:02
office. You don't have to be outside.
45:04
Like, what do you hear? Do you hear it?
45:06
Like you have to like focus because it's like quiet.
45:09
It's the quiet stuff in the back.
45:10
Do you see that thing flashing back there?
45:13
I always say to my clients, go to the washroom and close the
45:17
door and either close your eyes or fixate on the top and put one
45:21
hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and feel your
45:25
heart rate like that's such like a, a soul like womb natural
45:31
calming thing at a human level. And put your other hand on your
45:34
belly and do your belly breaths, like the deep breaths and do
45:38
that for a minute and watch your whole nervous system calm.
45:42
It's fascinating. It's so simple, but it's it's
45:45
ancient behavior. It's stuff that our society
45:48
forgot about, but it's basic human calming techniques.
45:52
Yeah. And it's interesting because we
45:54
alluded did a little bit to the mental health crisis that we're
45:56
seeing, which is very prevalent in the world today.
45:59
And one thing that is also very prevalent is the noise of the
46:02
world. It's never quiet.
46:04
You can literally be in spaces where there is always noise if
46:07
that's what you wanting. You know, you can be on your
46:10
phone, leave the TV on, always have that noise to drown that
46:13
out. And it's easier to have that
46:15
noise, I think, than to find those quiet spaces sometimes in
46:18
our world. So how important to to just find
46:21
quiet, really. Yeah, and that's why I say the
46:23
bathroom because like even if you're a stay at home parent or
46:27
you work from home, like every time you go to the bathroom,
46:31
stop in there and do that with the door closed.
46:34
Like it kind of just makes your zone focused, right.
46:37
And if you're at work or whatever, like every time you go
46:40
to the bathroom and do that practice, you don't even have to
46:43
be on edge to do that practice. It just resets you for a little
46:46
while. And it's, it's wild how easy it
46:49
is, but it's such a natural human instinct to do breath and
46:54
heart. Great.
46:54
Yeah, and that quiet space, we almost have to build it into our
46:57
routines now, because otherwise it'll be really easy to not have
47:01
those resets, even if we haven't reached a crisis point.
47:04
Yeah, and that's why I say the bathroom because, I mean, your
47:07
kids can be around you, your partner, wherever you are, but
47:11
your bathroom, that's private. So at least like that's what I
47:15
tell my clients if you can't get away anywhere, like even your
47:19
kids know, like kind of depends how young they are.
47:21
Mommy's in the bathroom. Point.
47:23
They will learn. Yeah, that's so true.
47:26
Yeah, I mean, my kids would, like, come and, like, sit on my
47:29
knee and like, I'm like, hey, like a minute.
47:32
Or they're just right outside the door, waiting.
47:36
I used to see like the fingers or like toys get tried to pushed
47:39
under the door yeah just. Make sure we don't forget that
47:42
they're there. Yeah.
47:43
Any other healing strategies that we haven't covered?
47:46
I really like to use the technique humming.
47:49
Pick your favorite song and hum the song and it actually your
47:56
brain can't do more than that at that time.
47:59
So if you're struggling, if your brain's non-stop, if you just
48:03
can't stop thinking, if you're on the go or you're stressed,
48:06
hum your favorite song. But a song that you know the
48:08
words to because your brain then has to think of the lyrics as
48:11
you're humming. It is a huge strategy that can
48:14
pull you out of a busy mind and a stressful state.
48:17
And anyone can hum. Yeah, and also a really good
48:20
information for people to have that really your brain can only
48:22
focus on one. Sometimes we think it can do
48:26
more because we're jumping between things.
48:28
But if we can, I mean, great strategy, focus on the lyrics of
48:32
a song and humming the song or something like that, where our
48:35
brain is occupied and pulled out of the ruminating or the panic
48:40
areas or the places where we're just mentally torturing
48:43
ourselves because we just keep thinking the worst or reliving
48:47
bad experiences we have. So super great strategy.
48:51
Something you can do anywhere. I love that one.
48:53
Yeah, I love humming. I we all hum over here.
48:56
That's beautiful. Can you tell everybody where
48:59
they can find you, what services you offer, all the good things?
49:03
Yeah, so Ioffer either one time sessions where you can, I just
49:08
learned some tips or tricks or get some guidance and intuitive
49:11
insight on a certain situation, past, present, future or you can
49:16
work with me directly. I like to do 12 weeks, You get a
49:21
video or phone call once a week and then you get 24/7 chat
49:25
access to me privately. That helps you in the moments of
49:29
triggers. And if you're just having an off
49:32
moment, I can actually guide you directly in that moment through
49:36
our chat access. And it's been probably the most
49:39
healing for all my clients is that option.
49:42
And I only take on X amount of clients at a time for that.
49:47
But I do have a couple spots right now.
49:49
But that fills the gaps in terms of healing as being able to
49:53
reach out in the moment of a hard moment and working through
49:57
that. Yeah, you can find me.
49:59
I built a little landing page. So when you go to my website,
50:02
you can just type your name and e-mail and what you would like
50:06
to discuss and I'll reach out to you personally and you get a
50:09
free chat with me. And yeah, we can go from there.
50:12
So that is at my website www.haleycoleman.com.
50:18
Beautiful. And yeah, what are great
50:19
resources, because that is often the time you need help, is in
50:23
those really intense moments where you just need some
50:25
guidance, you're not sure what to do.
50:27
Very good resource for people to potentially have access to.
50:31
Thanks. Well, Haley, thank you so much
50:33
for being here, for sharing your story, for the sharing the
50:36
things that you learned. Those stories, I think are
50:39
really powerful to hear that other people have been through
50:41
some really hard things and found a way through it and to a
50:44
better place. When you're in those really
50:46
dark, difficult times, it can be hard to hang on to hope.
50:49
So I really appreciate when people are willing to share
50:51
their stories and especially the things they learned and the
50:55
strategies that they've been able to incorporate to help make
50:57
their life better. Thank you.
50:59
You know, it just takes takes somebody to start talking and
51:02
hopefully it has this trickle effect to helping others, right.
51:06
Thank you for joining us and learning about Horses that Heal
51:09
and the humans who help them. We hope you'll continue with us
51:12
on this journey. We'd love for you to subscribe
51:15
on your favorite platform and follow the touch of a Mustang on
51:18
any of the major social media outlets.
51:21
Please share with your friends anyone who loves horses or
51:23
anyone who might be struggling and could benefit from this
51:26
message. If you have felt the healing
51:28
power of horses or help them in their divinely appointed
51:32
mission, please reach out. We want to hear your story.
51:35
As we say goodbye, always remember that the horse is
51:38
always there to help you heal.