Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 26: How to Distinguish a Useful Thought from a Distracton

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Season 2, Episode 26: How to Distinguish a Useful Thought from a Distracton · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jay, a high achievement lifestyle strategist and irresistibility expert.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about when you should try to change a thought that you've been having and when you should just stop listening to it.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I'm talking about this is because I recently had a thought that completely changed my mood.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was having a perfectly good day, and then suddenly I remembered something embarrassing that I said five years ago.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you've had the experience where you were working on something important and a little voice just comes inside your head and says, What makes you think you can actually do this?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've also had that happen recently as well.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And now instead of doing what you were planning to do, you're sitting there having an entire conversation with yourself about whether you're good enough.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think most of us have experienced this.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've spent any time at all doing any kind of personal development, you've probably heard that you need to change your thoughts, replace negative thoughts with good ones or positive ones, and try to challenge any limiting beliefs you have.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we've talked about limiting beliefs and how to prevent them and to address them in our other episode.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: But you've probably also heard that you should rewrite the stories you tell yourself.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a big believer of reframing the stories that you tell yourself.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I agree with a lot of this, but there's something I've been thinking about when these most recent thoughts came up is what if some thoughts don't need to be worked on or changed at all?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What if the problem isn't that you're thinking about the wrong thing?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: What if the problem is you're giving a thought attention that it doesn't even deserve in the first place?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's an important distinction between a thought that's actually influencing the direction of your life and a thought that's simply a distraction.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't understand that distinction, you're going to spend a lot of time trying to fix that thought when you could just be ignoring it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to explore the question of when should you try to change a thought and when should you just stop listening to it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I want to start off by saying something that I think is really important.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think that not every thought that enters your mind represents something you believe.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think of think about that for a moment.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain produces thoughts all day long.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some are useful, some are creative, some are memories, some are predictions, some are fears, and some are just random.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: You might be walking into a room and suddenly remember that embarrassing thing that happened in high school.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And does that mean you have unresolved trauma from high school?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it does.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe it just means you remembered something embarrassing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to necessarily turn every thought that crosses your mind into a psychological investigation.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is sometimes where things become more complicated than they need to be.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: We assume that because a thought appeared, it must mean something.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And because it means something, we need to do something about it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't think that's always true.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, imagine the dreams that you have.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we think dreams mean something, and other times we sit there and we realize, oh, that was just random craziness going on in my head, and I can just ignore that, right?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so sometimes a thought is just a thought.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It comes into your mind, and if you don't engage with it, it'll leave.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: The trouble starts when we begin treating that thought with a lot of attention and thinking that it deserves a response.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine you're trying to sit and finish an important project, and you remember the awkward conversation from years ago or even from last week, where you figured that you probably should have said something differently, and you're wondering if they thought you were rude, and now you're thinking, should I send them a message?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you've spent 20 minutes revisiting a conversation that for the other person they probably don't even remember it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: What happened there?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You had a thought, and then you gave that thought time, attention, and a job.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: You made it responsible for determining what you were gonna do next and what you did with your time next.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you simply had noticed it and then moved on?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not everything needs to be resolved, and that's a distinction I wanted to talk about.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: The presence of a thought does not automatically obligate us to respond to it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So now that means we've got to know the difference of when a thought actually needs to change.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: There are thoughts that do deserve our attention, and these are the thoughts that repeatedly influence our decisions and ultimately the lives we create.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And let me give you an example here.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Suppose you've always wanted to start a business, you have an idea, you've thought about it for years, but every time you consider taking the first step, you hear yourself saying, I'm not the kind of person who can run a business.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a different situation because this thought isn't simply interrupting your afternoon, it's influencing what you're even willing to try that could be beneficial for you over a long term.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's creating a limitation.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you continue believing it, you may never give yourself the opportunity to discover whether it's actually true.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a thought that's worth examining.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And here we need to realize that the solution isn't always just to replace it with, I'm an incredibly successful business person.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you've never run a business, you might not really believe that either.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're trying to convince yourself of something that feels completely untrue from what your experience is.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, ask this question what exactly makes me believe I can't do this?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't understand finances, maybe you're afraid of selling, maybe you've never managed employees.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now we're getting somewhere because that's not necessarily a permanent limitation.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: These are just skills you haven't developed yet.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And even this can give you a clue into what you can do next before you even decide to build a business.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you take a class on finances, maybe you you start to study how people sell things.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: These questions can give you the next step before you make a big decision about opening a business.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You notice what happened there?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't replace a negative thought with a positive one.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: We examined the thought and discovered whether it was actually true.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then we turned a vague judgment about our identity into a question that we could do something about.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a lot more useful because the purpose of changing the thought isn't just to feel better.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's about removing an unnecessary limitation on what you're actually capable of doing.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at the other side.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's suppose you're working on that same business idea and you decided you're gonna do it.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now you started learning, you're taking action, and one afternoon, while you're working, a thought comes into your mind.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: What if this whole thing fails?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: It just goes to the trash heap, right?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like not what I was imagining how it would go.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, is that a negative thought?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, is it possible?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Businesses fail all the time.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: But does that mean you need to stop what you're doing and spend the next hour trying to convince yourself that you're going to succeed?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't really think so.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: You might have already evaluated the risk before you started doing what you were doing.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You might have already decided that this is something worth pursuing.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's the case, this thought hasn't introduced any new information that would change the course of what you should be doing.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just repeating a possibility, a fear that you already understand.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So why would you stop working and take time to argue with it?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I think personal development can actually prove to be a distraction if you believe that you have to address every single thought that's crossing your mind.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: We become so focused on maintaining the right mindset that we interrupt the very activities that are helping us build that life we're trying to create.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we start monitoring every thought, that's taking a lot of energy.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's very draining.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: We need to ask ourselves every single time, was that negative?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Should I reframe it?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I still thinking this?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Does this mean I haven't overcome my limiting beliefs?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly managing your thoughts is a full-time job.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I would actually ask: Is this thought actually preventing me from moving forward?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've spent time thinking about this thought, and maybe more than once, here's the other question: Am I preventing myself from moving forward because I'm trying to fix this thought?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Those are two very different problems.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to feel completely confident just to take action, and you don't have to eliminate every doubt.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: You certainly don't have to win an argument with every negative thought that enters your mind.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can simply just continue doing what you're doing with the thought still there.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a skill that we don't talk about enough.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we actually distinguish between these two and when to just move on and when to actually give some time to this thought and try to fix it?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the first question.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Is this thought giving me information I need, or is it just simply demanding attention?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you can tell the difference because a thought that's giving you information, usually it's new information, right?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's coming from someplace you haven't been before.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it simply demanding attention?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: If it's just a demanding your attention, you've had the thought a hundred times before.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You've had the thought a hundred times before and you've already addressed it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not just that you've had the thought a hundred times before, because if you have had the thought repeatedly, that might be something to stop and think, do I need to spend time fixing this thought?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's come up multiple times.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've already had the thought multiple times and you've already addressed it multiple times, that's just a thought that may be demanding attention.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you're preparing for an important presentation and you think, I'm not prepared enough for this.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's useful information.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you really aren't prepared.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's sections you haven't practiced, maybe you don't understand the material as well as you should.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: In that case, dismissing the thought would be a negative thing.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: You need to listen to it.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't necessarily need to accept the entire judgment.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can examine it.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: What specifically am I unprepared for?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do about it?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can take action.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine you've already had that thought multiple times.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: You've already prepared extensively, you've practiced, you understand the material, and five minutes before you walk onto the stage, the same thought appears.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not prepared enough.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now what?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna start over again?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna back off the stage and say, I'm not ready yet?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: At this point, the thought is just an expression of nervousness, and that doesn't mean you're not prepared.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is an extreme example right before the stage is to show you how these thoughts can come up right at moments where you actually need to be moving forward.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always gonna be at the last moment.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna always be that obvious.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be you're sitting there getting through your work day and you've had this thought, you've already addressed it, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You've already prepared, like in the presentation.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You've already addressed it, and now it's coming up again.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now you can acknowledge whatever that feeling is, this nervousness, this feeling of inadequacy, and say, you know what, we're just gonna move forward.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna keep going.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that the exact same thought can be useful in one situation, but distracting in another.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I don't think we can categorize our thoughts simply as positive or negative.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: More important is whether these thoughts are useful.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Is it useful for the decision you're trying to make, for the action you're trying to take?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is it useful for understanding something that you didn't know before?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because a thought can be uncomfortable and still be valuable.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And a thought can be reassuring and still be misleading.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: For example, telling yourself that everything will work out perfectly may feel wonderful, but if you're ignoring a serious problem, that positive thought isn't helping you.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I wouldn't would not make the goal just positive thinking.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I would make the goal thinking that helps you respond to reality more effectively.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I do want to talk about what happens when a thought keeps coming back.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That thought that says, I'm not good enough, which you might decide to ignore, and that's perfectly appropriate.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what if that thought now is actually influencing your behavior?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if you're avoiding opportunities because of that thought?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: What if you're constantly minimizing your own accomplishments because you think everyone else is more capable than you?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So now it's not just that this thought has come up and you move on.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually influencing your actions.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So that's worth investigating more.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's an important distinction between just the thought that keeps coming up that you've addressed, if it's still actively influencing your actions, then you really still need to address it, even though you've addressed it in the past.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Our minds can repeat all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons, but if it repeatedly influences us, then it's worth examining further.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the belief underneath is worth examining further.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go back to the example of I'm not good enough, which is a common thought that comes up for almost everyone.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, in fact, Marissa Pearce says that's the most common problem we face as human beings, is this feeling of I'm not good enough.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does not good enough mean?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Good enough for what?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: To be loved, to apply for a promotion, or to learn something new, to start a business?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly is the standard of good enough that you're measuring against?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where it varies for everyone is what that standard is.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And where did the standard come from?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna say everyone, but for the majority of us, there's uh this feeling that we're not good enough.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's not really the question.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: The question is where did that standard come from?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what is the standard that you're measuring yourself against that triggers that thought?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes when you start asking these questions, you discover you're operating under a rule that's actively influencing your decisions and a rule that you might not have even consciously agreed to.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you grew up believing that if you make mistakes, that means you're not intelligent, right?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you were constantly compared with someone else as you were growing up.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, those experiences became the assumptions that you started to make about yourself.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really worth exploring because changing that one belief could change decisions that you make for years to come.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be careful because not every recurring thought is evidence of some deeply held belief.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a thought repeats because we're anxious or stressed or caught in a habit of mentally revisiting something.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: So repetition isn't the only factor you should look at.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: The question is whether that thought or factor is influencing how we live and whether examining the assumption might actually help you.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's a concept in psychology that I find interesting.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's called cognitive diffusion, not delusion, cognitive diffusion.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the idea is that we can learn to experience thoughts as mental events rather than automatically treating them as instruction.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can have a thought that you might not actually believe.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you can believe a thought might be true without allowing it to actually influence your next action.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So much of our behavior can become organized around what we're thinking or feeling at the that particular moment.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: We wait until we're motivated or confident or until we're not afraid anymore.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: But what if we didn't wait?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: What if we just said, yeah, that's a thought I'm having, and then we just keep moving forward.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or just embracing, hey, I don't feel good enough right now, but you know what?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna just keep moving forward.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or yes, I'm worried that someone might judge me and then still make the decision that most aligns with you and matters with you.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're not pretending that thought doesn't exist.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: You might not even be pretending that you don't believe that thought, but you're not gonna let it interfere with the action that you're gonna take next.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're simply recognizing having a thought and following an action are two different things.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that distinction gives us a lot of flexibility and a lot of freedom because we don't have to give a response to every thought that comes across our mind.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we can sometimes redirect the thoughts.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if we find a thought that we think needs to be addressed, we can say, you know what, I do need to address that thought, but not right now, because right now I need to take this action that's important.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when I have some time a little bit later, I'm gonna reflect on that.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your attention determines what you're working on, what you're learning, and what you're doing with your time.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: You have some control over this when you're able to say, just like you delegate, you know, task to an assistant or secretary, you can say, you know what, that task is important, but we are not gonna be addressing it at this moment.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I have a meeting with this particular action that I'm doing.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you can think of it that way.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, I do think this is important, I do think it needs to be addressed, but it doesn't need to be done at this very moment in time.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something practical for you.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: When you notice a thought that's making you uncomfortable, I want you to consider the following questions.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: The first is, is there something here that I need to know, that I actually need to know, and that I don't already know, or that I I need to be aware of in this moment?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the thought is pointing out a problem.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've overlooked something, maybe there's a decision you need to reconsider.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: If so, then pay attention to that thought.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: But try to identify the actual information rather than getting caught up in the emotions around it.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like, oh wait, that's gonna cost us a little bit more money if we do that, right?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Where the emotion around it might be this is gonna be a failure, it's gonna cost more money than we thought, right?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Those are two different sets of experiences.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: One is the information itself, which you might be able to do something about, the other is the information plus an emotion that's rooted in fear and limiting beliefs sometimes, and together that can make you feel like not taking action or not even addressing your possible options.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: So separate the two and see what is the thing you can actually address or you need to address.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: The second question is: is this thought based on an assumption that's limiting my behavior?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where I would look for those beliefs that deserve to be challenged.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thoughts like, I can't learn that.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too old to do this, I'm just not that kind of person.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And only people who are not like me can do this, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: If those assumptions are preventing you from doing something important, then please do examine them.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because don't simply accept something that you've just believed for a long time.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: And don't assume you have to replace them with an exaggerated positive statement.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that you think, oh, I'm not a business type person, and then you suddenly say, I'm an amazing businesswoman.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that probably isn't going to be something your body will accept because you've held that belief for a long time.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: But look for the evidence, ask questions, see whether that belief really holds up.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't you be an amazing businesswoman?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then look at the answers.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know enough about finance, I don't know enough about sales.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then start learning those things because maybe the problem is not that you are not a business type personality, maybe you just don't have any background or education or knowledge.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe that answer will change as you get those skills and that knowledge.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Third question is if I don't engage with this thought right now, am I going to lose anything important?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I really like this question because sometimes the answer is no.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're not going to lose anything by refusing to revisit an embarrassing moment from 15 years ago that just pops up in the moment that you're trying to be confident, right?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you are not going to lose anything by saying, I've had this thought, I know it's a problem that's affecting my decisions, but right now I'm actively involved in changing that.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to sit down and address this at a later time.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that either.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to clarify something.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ignoring a distracting thought isn't the same as avoiding a problem.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: If there's a real issue that needs to be addressed, then don't avoid it.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, attack it head on.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be clear if you're experiencing persistent, intrusive thoughts that are causing you significant distress, then you might need professional support.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing wrong with getting that either.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: But for ordinary mental distractions that you experience throughout the day, we have more freedom and options and we realize we can number one, ignore them.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, is say that they're important, but we're going to deal with them later.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: And number Three is we can address them in that moment if they are presenting important information, right?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we get to choose which one we do.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: We just need to to to think about what that thought is trying to do and if it's important enough to sit down and spend more time with.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't even have to be in the present moment.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if you think about every single thought that pops into your mind, this is gonna be really exhausting.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to be responsible for controlling every thought that enters our mind.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's even realistic.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: You probably never get anything done.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you can choose to have a conversation with yourself later, or not at all.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: We often think of having conversations with other people and becoming more selective with our time.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: We make appointments, but we never think of that for ourselves.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm right now I'm too busy to have this conversation with you, talking to yourself.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I promise you, let's make an appointment to do this at a later time.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we can do that with ourselves too.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the most powerful thing if you can take away from this podcast, is you have the ability to control your timing even with yourself.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: We don't feel like that because our head is always with us, but we can actually say, hey, this is not the appropriate time, let's do this later.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes spending that time, make an appointment with yourself to address a thought, a belief that's been influencing your decision for years is the most productive thing you can do.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Spending that hour or two really looking into it, addressing it, finding ways to address it when it comes up again in the future.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really productive thing to do.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: So remember, you don't need to change every negative thought.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to ignore every uncomfortable thought.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can sometimes just let it be and then move forward.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some thoughts contain real information that can help you make better decisions.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some reveal assumptions that might be limiting your life, limiting beliefs, and some might be distractions that just don't deserve your time.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the goal isn't to become somebody who never thinks negatively, it's to become someone who can recognize when a thought deserves attention and when it doesn't.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just imagine when those thoughts come, it's like think of your secretary bringing it to you and saying, hey, here's this thought.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: They called again.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what are you gonna do with it?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna start to notice a pattern of when it needs to be addressed and when it really doesn't, you know, when you need to call back and set up an appointment for it, right?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So ultimately, it's not to become someone who never thinks negatively, it's just to become someone who can recognize when a thought deserves attention and time and when it doesn't.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: We really need to be reflecting on are we making decisions that reflect what matters to us?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Are we pursuing the things that we want to pursue?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Are we learning, growing, and creating the lives that we want?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And are we allowing ourselves to move forward even when our minds aren't offering us the ideal encouragement or support?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you again for joining me today.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay irresistible, friends.