Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The validation you actually need 💕

Transcript

The validation you actually need 💕 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoday production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: up together. Let's go deep, let.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: The emotions flow and find the lessons to grow and Glow.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: we're here to be your expander.
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: Hello, guys, welcome back to Grow and.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is all about self validation, a very very
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: important topic to talk about. Yes, so we're going to
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: unpack today and also how I've been feeling around it
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: lately and how I have not been validating myself humanize myself.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: But you've got a little funny star that you want
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: to tell that I don't know yet.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: Just a little story of us getting here.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: As you guys know, every time we come to Brisbane,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: there's a little bit of a story behind it. So
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: the last couple of times we've come up here, if
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: you've followed along. There was stories of us having to
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: find lockboxes, go to different convenience.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Stores, having homeless, having people.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: Call me a effing salot because you're in pink back shorts.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: There's always a story behind it, and this time you
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: were in the trenches. This, I think is when you
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: literally we hit with gushtro So I was like, I'm
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: not bothering at I was booking our hotel and this
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: time we were like, we're not just going to go
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: through booking dot com because every time we do end
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: up having to go and find the keys and it's
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: so difficult.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: So I was like, I'm just going to go straight
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: to the merritant like a hotel. And I had to look.
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: It's like big, it's got heaps its space.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I was like, awesome, booked it all in, got all
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: ready to go, and then I was like, crab, I
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: don't have my card on me.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: It's back at home.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: So I was like, I'll just do want to get home,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: went back home, got it all again, the right dates,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: everything lined up, pushed book now and an email came
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: through and I was like, oh, just double check the confirmation,
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: like because I don't even know what came to me.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: No so it said it was for the next day. Oh,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: so yes, I booked the wrong day, but this lait.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Then I rang up and I like talked to the
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: first person. I'm like, look, this is what's happened. There's
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: no twenty four hour return policy, like cancel policy, and
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: I'm like, look, I was just on your website.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: The first person was like, well, like you know, talking
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: me through.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you can't do it because it's not within
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: twenty four hours because it was for the next day
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: and it was like late that after me that I
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: looked it and I was like fuck, and like, is
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: there anyone else that you can transfer me to? Yeah,
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: transferred me over to another lady and she was like, oh,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. This happens all the time, and like
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: what happens and she goes it just refreshes itself on
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: its own and changes to the next day. So if
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: you go and get your card and you take like
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: a middleor two, the dates changeover.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I know.
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  Speaker 3: So then there was this whole thing. I had to
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: like rebook it in and then call back and then
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: cancel that one. Then she had to refund me that
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: because she couldn't refund me because it's not in twenty
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: four hours until I'd booked another day.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: Always drama around there, always drama. So anyways, you didn't
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: even know any of that happened.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Oh I didn't. Wow, thank you for booking and organizing that.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: I was just like, so funny.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: So now I feel like, because that happened, we're gonna
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: get there and she's gonna be easy breezing.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Last time, amazing. It was like an hour and a
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: half to get into our hotel. I know. It's like
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: all this time we've just been hanging out, eating, doing
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: content working. I know, Oh, have lots more time today.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: Oh, we've made it all right.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Self validation What is that to you? Kiara?
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  Speaker 3: It is validating everything I feel and treating myself as
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  Speaker 3: I would others. I feel like when things happen in life,
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: whether it be like something hectic or even the sleep
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  Speaker 3: deprivation thing.
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  Speaker 4: Even like when I.
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  Speaker 3: Spoke to you yesterday, I was like, I feel bad
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: telling you about this because you're going through your shit.
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: Like I feel like we get.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: So guilty sometimes in being so great to validate the
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: people around us that we love and have so much
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: compassion for them, and we forget to have that same compassion.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: For ourselves with these unreally stupidly high expectations for us
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to just be a robot honestly, Like, why, I remember
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: you said that when I was in hospital, you were
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: upset about something and You're like, oh my god, why
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: am I talking to you about this? I was like, no,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I'm here for all of it, just like you're here
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: for all of my stuff. You're here for me being
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: in hospital, You're here for my highs, my lows, my struggles, whatever,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I'm here for yours as well. That's what like beautiful
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: relationships are built on. It's being vulnerable and sharing and
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: connecting and holding space and being there for each other.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: But you're right, we don't validate ourselves. And I've even
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: had so many moments lately and you pulled me up
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: on it too, where I'm just not giving myself that
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: full validation of the season I'm in and what I'm
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: feeling is okay, natural, normal, and it will pass. But
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I just put this unrealistic expectation for myself to just
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: move through something really fast. And I said it in
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: a previous episode, But it's like when people are asking
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: lately how I am, Like I've expected myself to once
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I step out of that hospital that I'm more good.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I'm out, I'm good and back with my family, like
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I know what's happening. I know I've got to get
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: checked up. I know what I've got to do. But
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I still didn't feel okay. But I felt so guilty
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: for not being okay, and it just made me think,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: you know, there's that day, it's like the are you okay? Day?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: But so many people carry around whatever is going on
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: for them internally and just let it sit there and
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: bottle up because they're too embarrassed to actually just normalize
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: that they don't feel good and they don't feel okay.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: But where did that come from? I know, to come
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: from a society and a generation of like being told shush,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: like stop crying over that. Yeah, be grateful, like you
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: know all this stuff that we might have got said
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: to growing up from parents or cagifers or people at school.
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  Speaker 1: But it's just so important to validate yourself. And it's
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: so beautiful when the people around you can validate you.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: But it has to come from within. Otherwise you just
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: carried around like a big bag of guilt and shame.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: And that is the lowest vibrational frequency that you can
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: be on. And I've felt that and it's awful.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And even like when you were talking to me
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: yesterday and you're like, I've just cried so much this week,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: and I was.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Like, how good.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: But like you're moving, you're moving.
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  Speaker 3: All that motion, Because if you don't let it out
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: and you don't feel the things you want to feel,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: it's got to come back to bite your us. Whether
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: you're not getting sick or you have a day where
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: you fucking have a panic attack, Like you're better off
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: as you're feeling these things to just sit in it
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: if you feel it important, give yourself grace, release it,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: give yourself time. Don't even put a time limit on
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: how long it needs to take to get over something.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Cause like even with you, actually like you had so
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: many things happening at once.
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: It wasn't just going to the hospital.
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  Speaker 3: You also had kids that were sick when you got home,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: and then you had this happening, that happening, this happening,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Like there was like ten different things. And you're like,
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  Speaker 3: I'm out of hospital now and frustrating myself because i
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: feel like I'm still upset. And I was like, but
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: there's so much catch up, Like, look at all the
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: shit that happened right before you went to hospital, Like
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: how stressed you were, That's what so much of it
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: came from.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just so nice. I feel like having people
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: like you and Steve and my mom just to validate that.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: And that's why I always say the support you have
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: around you're so important because they remind you just validate yourself.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And it's so healing when you have people around you
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to validate it. Yeah, but we have to get better
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: at doing it for ourselves and that is something I'm
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: working on now, Like I've got to work on that more.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: And I think so many people listening will relate to that. Yeah. Yeah,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: I think we all do.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: I think I'm probably one of the harshest people that
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: I am to anyone is like on myself, yes, because
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: you think, like I can handle this, I should be
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: able to handle that, you know, I'm like, even at work,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: you're the boss.
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  Speaker 4: With your family, I'm the mom, I'm the this.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Like you feel like you always need to kind of
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: have your shit together, Yes, but no one has their
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: shit together all the time all the time.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: So true. Yeah, even with your YouTube and you would
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: like get stressed or worried about how many uploads you're
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: doing in the time to edit, and I'm like, yeah, girl,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you do it. I've an uploaded
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: YouTube in three months because I can't be it, Like,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: how are you doing five a week? But I'll have
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: to validate you because you're like I should be able
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: to keep up with this. I used to do this
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: years ago. I'm like, you also only had one kid
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: years ago. Yeah, you also didn't have love Ellis Rose.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: You also didn't have a podcast. So true, you've got
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: so many new things that you're doing. Of course it's
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: going to feel a lot heavy than what it used
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: to and you forget.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: I feel like you forget and even going from like
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: if I look at how and chaotic life can be
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: sometimes and the nights can be and all that stuff,
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I think back and I'm like, am I comparing to
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: when I had like one kid like Miller, because like
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: now I have three?
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: Like when you think of.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: All those things, yes, it's like we all just need
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: to not be so hard on ourselves and just hold
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: more space for whatever it is that we are feeling
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: and whatever season we're in, and not hold shame and
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: guilt around us.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, even the sleep you were saying on the way
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: up here, like it's even harder now than what it
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: was for new one stage. Uh huh, the newborn stage,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: you expect it to be hard, but now that they're older,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it's harder because you're not used to it and you
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: have three children that are all getting up during the night.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: But you can't get frustrated with yourself that your brain's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: not firing, you're forgetting things, you're not as creative, because
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: of course you're not. You got three hours sleep last night.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: That's it.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: And they're scared, like they're scared, whereas when they're newborns
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: they just want food, yeah, feed, or they got wind
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: or something. But it's just kind of accepting and acknowledging
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: like it's okay. And if we are in a season
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: where we are feeling lower or we are feeling shit,
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: like reminding us.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: It's not going to last forever.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: Yes, we're not going to be here, you know, we
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: might still be here in a few months time, but
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: hopefully we can move through it.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: And I think it's really important for us as parents
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: as well to practice this because the more that we
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: can do this on ourselves, our kids and witness and
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: watch that. Yeah, Like I don't want my kids to
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: ever feel guilty or shameful or frustrated at themselves that
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: they're still upset about something. Yeah, Like you don't have
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: to get over something in a certain period of time,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Like healing is not linear, Like you don't know how
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: long it's going to take for you to feel better
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: about something. And I would say that to my children,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: like you can be upset for as long as you want,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: unless it's about spilt milk or something joking, but you
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, the more we can do
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: that for ourselves, it shows those other people around us
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that they are okay to do that as well, and
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: they've got that support. Yeah.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and sometimes too, like just validating that if we
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: are feeling really shit and we can't move through it
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: on our own, you can just reach out for some
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: support and some help to help guide you to get
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: through and if you are wanting to yet obviously things
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: are like months and months. Maybe that's where it's like going, Okay,
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: maybe I need help with this, Maybe I need some
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: sort of guidance, Maybe I need to take more time
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: to really unpack what the fuck is going on?
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: And why am I feeling like this?
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it's hard to actually figure out what is
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: coming up, so you just feel shit.
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: You're like, what the fuck?
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And that's frustrating in itself, so frustrating, and that's where
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: the girl can come in. It's like I've even had
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: thought processes. I've caught it. But I'm like, well, you
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be frustrated this, you shouldn't be stressed about this,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Like how lucky you get to do this? And I
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: start like being a bully. Yeah, I'm like, no, that's
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: not what we do anymore.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's nice to be positive, and it's nice to
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: look on the bright side.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: It's toxic positive. That's it.
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: That's what I was about to say. But also we
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: need to have a whole compassion for yourself.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Grateful and how are you twenty four seven? Like all
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: emotions are just that they're not who you are, but
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: there's something that you feel and that comes and goes,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: just like happy and joyful and excited, angry, frustrated and
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: sad are also emotions that you're gonna feel.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: So something as well that's like popped up for me
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: the last couple of weeks where I've caught myself of
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: being like too hard on myself is going to dancing
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: because I've started going back and I've fucking loved it
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, this is filling my cup, this is
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: making me so happy, and I'm like doing it for
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: me and as well, like you show up online you're like, yes,
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: like I'm doing this, I'm going to dance class. And
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: then I've just been fucking exhausted. I've been so tired
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: and I've had to ask myself. I'm like, no, you
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: should go, you should go, And it's like should I
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: go because I think it's going to make me feel good?
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Or am I trying to make myself go because I
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: feel like now I need to because I've like committed
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: to like even though it doesn't feel right now yea.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: And it was kind of like going, I'm getting frustrated
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: at myself if I don't show up because I told
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: myself I was going to do this. It was like
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: I'd made a commitment. But it's like, yes, but back
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: then your kids were sleeping, this was happening right now.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: You don't have the capacity to stay up till ten
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: o'clock at nine when you might only get a few
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: hours sleep.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: It's so wide after dance, not just the physical dance class,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it's exhausting. It's like coming home you're like excited and
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: on a high, and then looking back at your routine
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: and your brain's on fire. All the lights, the music.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: It's so stimulating. I know.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: But I had a moment too where I had this
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: little chat back and forth in my head and it's like,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: why do you feel like it's so important to go?
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: How do you feel like fucking exhausted? Are you sure? Yes,
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: I'm sure.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: I also went to the gym like that day too,
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: and I was like, just listen to what you feel
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: right now. I know that you want to go and
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: you want to be committed, but it's like you can just.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Go next week.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: You're not training to be a professional dancer, that's okay,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: skip it.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: But it's like you get frustrated for letting yourself down almost.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: It's like you want to commit to something, but then
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: that's just the way life goes.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: It's that high expectation that we have on ourselves.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I think being online, which not everyone can relate to,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: but I feel like there's that extra added pressure, yeah
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that people expect of you to show up a certain way,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: or you get scared of the backlash of talking about
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: being sad about something or frustrated something or something not
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: feeling good. And there's a lot of projections that come
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: your way that then you have to That's still energy
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that you're consuming and taking on being online. Yeah, it's
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: an energy exchange when you're communicating with a bunch of strangers,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: whether that's hundreds thousands or tens of thousands, it's a
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: lot to take on. So there's all that to navigate
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: as well, because you could be validating yourself and then
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: you know, fifty people swipe up and say something awful.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh gosh, you raise your expectation, probably subconsciously
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: for you because you like a they're telling me I
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: should be doing this.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Especially if you're already feeling in a low vibe move
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: when you're so sure of yourself, like it doesn't really
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: shake you, but you're going through a hard time, You've
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: got a bit of self doubt and you're navigating some
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: new things like I am now I'm definitely a bit
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: more sensitive. I'm not as sure of myself right now.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little bit lost a little bit stark.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate a new way of being, a
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: new way of doing. It's like undoing having my foot
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: in the pedal and running and showing up a certain
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: way that doesn't feel good anymore. Now I'm getting to
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: know myself in this new normal. So when you've got
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: the outside noise, it's quite a lot. And I haven't
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: been able to show up as much online because I've
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: just got to be with me for now, you know,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: invalidate myself and my experience and not let the outside
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: noise get to in my head because.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: Maybe you question yourself more.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: You know what you want, you know what you think.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Then people start even things that you're like, oh shit,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: is that what I want?
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: But I think if you read too much what so
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: many people.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: It's like anything, if you listen to the news and
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: the media and you're always scrolling on TikTok and really
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: like it's information that your brain is consuming. When you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: stop and slow and you can be with your thoughts.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: And that's what I did in hospital. When I was
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: in there, I just wanted to be with my thoughts.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: What's coming up for me? How am I feeling about
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: all of this. What are my options?
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Was?
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: When you're distracting and numbing out and listening and reading
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: everything else, you can get so noisy.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: And then you question things mm hmm, and you feel
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: so out of tune with who you are.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Is ungrounding a word? So ungrounding to be on social
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: ord would.
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: You call that? If you're not grounded, you're lifted.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like it's regulated and disregulated. Yeah maybe. But when
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: you just sit with yourself and you stop and you
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: are slow, and you're tuned into yourself rather than tuned
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: into your phone and other people, you can really get
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: clarity on what's feeling good for you. So true, and
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: take the time to validate yourself. You need time and
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: space to do that. Yeah, you're busy distracting. You can't
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: meet yourself where you need to be met.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: That's so true. Like if things are coming up and
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: you're being emotion you know you're not feeling like you like,
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: that's another one thing to do.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Stop, stop slow, Yeah, fill your cut back up and
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: just be with yourself and validate it and acknowledge it,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: have awareness around it all. And then you've got clarage
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, what's my next move. Yeah, if
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: you don't do that, you're just gonna be fucking floating
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: around like a chicken with my head. Bad analogy, but
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? What is it running around
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: like a headless chort kit? That's what I meant.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: I saw this post.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: On Instagram and I wanted to read it out. So
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: it's from the page the brain Coach, So it says
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: self validation. Sounds like I was right to stand up
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: for myself. I did the best I could with what
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: I knew at that time. I am proud of me
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: for challenging my fears slashed outs. Today has been a
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: difficult day for me. I can do hard things. It's
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: okay to say no to something I really didn't want
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: to do. I feel overworked and need to prioritize rest.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: I tried my best and that is enough. I'm feeling
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: upset right now. I feel misunderstood. That was a difficult conversation,
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: but it was needed. Not everyone will like me, and
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: that's okay.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: Today was tough. What do I need to do to
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: feel better? And that last one Today was tough? What
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: do I need to do to feel better?
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's where it all kind of starts,
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: like when you start to feel like there's days that
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: are rolling on and it's like not feeling aligned, to
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: not feeling aligned, not feeling aligned, it's like, okay, that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I feel misunderstood is really validating in a conversation, because
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: if you need to have a hard conversation or this
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: conflict or disagreements whatever, how many times in your life
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: have you been like, I'm fine, that's all good. Yep,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: no worries.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, no worries.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Yep, no worries. Like just go with what they say
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: because you don't want to ruffle the feathers and upset anyone.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: But to actually look some of the eye and say,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I actually feel really misunderstood by you, that's so validating.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: You're validating that I do not feel good in this moment,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and let's chat about it. Yeah. Such a good example,
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: isn't it. Yeah, even just today has been a difficult
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: day for me, that's so validating just for yourself. Yeah,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: today sucked, it was hard. I did not do my
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: best today. But tomorrow's new day. You know, you don't
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: have to sit there, but just to acknowledge it.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a hard day, and I feel like too,
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: like sometimes when you've got like shit going on and
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: things happening, Like even yesterday, but we had a bit
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: of a hectic afternoon with the kids, and you know,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: I was like rush trying to do like work and
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: stuff like that, and Colonel'll having this conversation.
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: He's like, I need to make school lunches, blah blah blah.
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: He had so much stuff going, and I was like, Babe,
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: just order them tuck shop.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just like, let go of it. So good, just order.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Sometimes you've just got to like, let go.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: That's such a good select let.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Go of trying to do everything, because sometimes we just
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: can't do it all.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so true.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Hate we do that with uber It. Sometimes we're like
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: we didn't pick up something to cook or whatever, and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: she's clinging and I'm wanting to cook, and we're like, no,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: we just.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Orders so much easier to take so much pressure off.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: Another thing, too, is like acknowledging our accomplishments. I feel
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: like I'm getting better at this as I get.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Old, celebrating the winds.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Celebrating the winds like acknowledging yourself and taking moments of
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: being like even at the end of me doing the
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: daily vogging, like I should take a moment at the
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: end and be like, God, yeah, okay, you did a girl.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I set myself a challenge for thirty days that I
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: wanted to do, and like even you when you do
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: your challenges, just taking moment to validate and be like, yeah,
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: I just did something hard and I'm proud of.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Me, so so good, Because how USh to we celebrate
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: our best friends and our kids and our partners for everything.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I know, but to ourselves we kind
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: of like just park.
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: A difference too.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Is like I feel like for my friends and my kids,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: I feel it, I feel it in my heart.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: I feel so proud, I feel so happy for them,
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: I feel so this.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: I feel so that we need to just sometimes just
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: take a moment for ourself and feel like feel it,
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: like I'm proud.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Of you, I love you.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: You've done an amazing job. Stay's been hard. Like yeah,
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: feel those same feelings you feel for everyone else.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, my myself. I've read something the other day and
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: it was like we get scared to share that we're
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: great because we're scared that we will get hate. Yeah,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: and I find that online, like I find it really
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: inspiring when you know, influencers or just public profiles, just anyone.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: It's like celebrating that they's got a job promotion, they've
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: bought this fancy in new car, or they're saved with
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: this handbag. I'm like, fuck yeah, But I would never
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: if I was to buy a new handbag or getting
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: new carda like, I think I would feel like I'm
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: bragging or triggering other people, Like That's what would go
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: through my head syndrome, Yeah, and get slammed, Like I
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: would get scared to share that I've done great and
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: earned this and worked hard of that because I know
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: that I would get a lot of hate and backlash
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: when I see other people doing I'm like, fuck, yeah,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: it's interesting, Hey how we celebrate other people but not ourselves.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: And I'm super aware of it now, but yeah, it's
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: just interesting.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: It is interesting society. It's just the way our brains
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: have been molded to conditions. But it's like just that
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: old question why, like why shouldn't I be celebrating myself?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And the more that we are sure of who we
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: are and our attentions and all of that. Like, as
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I said right now, I'm quite fragile, but normally when
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: you are so sure of yourself that stuff like you
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: wouldn't care what people say. Yeah, you know, but when
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: you are feeling fragile and you're not super confident and
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: you're listening to the outside noise, you get scared. Yeah.
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just fair enough to on my world.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Can be brutal, can't be rude.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: And another thing too, I feel like if you've been
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: brought up in a household where this hasn't been something
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: that's been practiced, can feel really fucking uncomfortable.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So true, you're really uncomfortable to actually be like, oh,
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: I'm doing good. Like if you were not told you're
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: good enough for like great job on that you should
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: be proud of yourself, or oh you're having a hard
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: day today, if you weren't shown that.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Were you're told you're brag I think a lot of
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: us were told that we're bragging. You know, don't look
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: like a bragger? Yeah, make other people feel crap. Yeah,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: but it's like, no, you should celebrate you. Yeah, there's
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: a big shift in that now because we've got more
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: awareness and knowledge around it. I love it. Yeah, Yeah,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: it's good for our kids.
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: It is good for our kids.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: We're just breaking the cycles. That's it. Go ask oh
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: thanks for joining us.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll see you guys on Monday.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I can say Wednesday, but Monday.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah bye.