Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / The Seven Life Changing Questions 6/7: Know Who You Call. #SelfCareSaturday

Transcript

The Seven Life Changing Questions 6/7: Know Who You Call. #SelfCareSaturday · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Saturday, fam.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: What if the strongest thing you could do this week is to let someone help you carry what you were never meant to lift alone?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the sweet spot, beautiful souls.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a board certified psychiatrist.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've been taking you on this journey of the seven questions that can change our lives.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're deep into our journey on this seven questions that can change your life journey.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: On Monday, we located ourselves with the question, where am I?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: On Tuesday, we named what was weighing us down.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: On Wednesday, we spoke our desire honestly.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: On Thursday, we took a brave step.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday, Friday, we stopped running from the thing or the things that drain our strength.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't spent time with the questions this week, the good news is that the sweet spot is up 24-7 for you to go back and spend time with these questions.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because these questions are life-changing if you will open your mind and spend time with them.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And today, today is self-care Saturday.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: The day where we stop pretending we have to be superheroes and allow ourselves to be human.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you how hard that is because sometimes on Saturday, it's the only day we get to do chores.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: We have to catch up on so many things, stuff with the dry cleaners.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's just so much.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's always so much.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we call Saturday Self-Care Saturday.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a challenge to find the few moments to care for the one person you absolutely need to get things done.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: You.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Today's question is gentle, it's vulnerable, and it's courageous.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who can help me?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: I learned this through my work.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: People who carry the most weight often ask for the least help.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's usually somebody in your orbit who's doing everything, getting it done.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And they're amazing at this.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: They never ask you for help.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, that's its own danger.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of very strong people confuse independence with strength.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: They confuse their exhaustion as a kind of responsibility.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And they they kind of think that carrying everything is necessary the way it is.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: But being independent, carrying everything alone, not trusting others, just doing it yourself, there's a place for that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not the healthiest thing in the end.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And even the ancient wisdom tells us something we should hear.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Ecclesiastes, two are better than one.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: For if either fails, the other lifts them up.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a word there.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: In God's design, strength was never meant to be a solo act.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Strength was never meant to be a solo performance.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was meant to be shared.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when we don't share it, we can put ourselves in a situation where no one wants to help us because they don't know we need to help.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we can become bitter, angry, we can feel taken advantage of.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Often I talk to people who have been helping others all their lives, but been angry because nobody sees them.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the danger there.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Lauren Hill, one of my favorite artists, put it this way.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: It just really hit my spirit.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: She said, everything is everything once you realize we're all connected.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is everything once you realize we're all connected.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning that support isn't weakness.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Support is alignment when you can connect with somebody else.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the brain really likes when we're connected to other people.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know there was a chemical?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: There is, well, it's not worse, there is a chemical in the brain that, in addition to dopamine, that loves it when we connect to other people.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's called oxytocin.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the sort of friendly uh bonding chemical.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oxytocin softens your nervous system when it's secreted, it calms anxiety, it lowers stress, which has implications for blood pressure, which has implications for cardiovascular health.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, being in a situation where we're bonding, where we're either at the church, the synagogue, the mosque, wherever we go, uh, the barbershop, the beauty salon, um, just hanging out with friends.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this is good for your brain because your brain will secrete more oxytocin.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And who doesn't want oxytocin in their brains?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, asking for help is biology's way of keeping you alive and well.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's not weak, it's wise.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, I also want to speak to someone listening out there who's gonna say, and I agree with you, doc, this sounds good, but what if I don't have anyone?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: What if I'm living alone?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't have a circle?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't have a friend to call?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who's supposed to help me then?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do I bond in that scenario?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: If that's you, hear me with love.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're not disqualified from this conversation by any means, you're not disqualified from support.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you, my friend, you're not alone, even if you feel alone.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the first helper isn't a friend, sometimes it's a counselor, sometimes it's a therapist, someone in my field.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a pastor, uh, a support group, uh, a a coach, a co-worker who sees you, a neighbor who smiles and cares.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that first helper is a stranger who becomes important if we let them in.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, and this is holy, sometimes the first helper is you.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You choosing rest, you choosing grace, you choosing to take your needs seriously, and you choosing not to abandon yourself when others might have.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, circles aren't found, circles have to be built one person at a time, one yes at a time, one trusting moment of vulnerability at a time.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, here's your check-in today.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Finish this line, no matter where you are or who you're with, and you know, as they say, sometimes you've got to love the one you with, and that one you with is you.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: The person who could help me this week is, and you fill in the blank.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: The person who could help me this week is, and if a name comes to you, reach out, text, call, a moment of honesty.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But if no one comes, then today your self-care on this self-care Saturday is be the helper you need, be your own best friend, feed yourself, speak kindly to yourself, give yourself the rest you've been denying, love yourself, go to the movie, go buy yourself something that makes you feel happy.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Trust that the right people will meet you in the next season, and be open, be open to the possibility that it can happen at any time.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the encouragement I want to carry, I want you to carry with you today.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Needing support doesn't make you fragile, it makes you human.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment you allow help, even from yourself, to come in, the load gets lighter, the path gets clearer, and your soul gets room to breathe again.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let that land.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am here with you.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And though we're far apart, there's a song like that, I think.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Michael Jackson sang that.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would sing it to you, but I don't want to destroy the moment.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Love and blessings.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You've been listening to The Sweet Spot.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is Dr.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've enjoyed going through these questions with you.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow is our last question.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow for Slowdown Sunday, we close our journey with one last question.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: What's my one commitment after this week?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's where everything comes together.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I guarantee you.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: See you tomorrow, beautiful soul.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Love and blessings, and be kind to yourself.