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Who Gets Your Ear? Choosing to Listen Above the Chaos · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing marriage well for October 6th, 2026. Who gets your ear?
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  Choosing to listen above the chaos.
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  We live in a world awash with things screaming for our attention.
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  The dog wants out, the cat wants in, maybe, and the kids won't stop going in and out.
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  Your phone nags you all day, and the media does its best to snag you.
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  There are so many things vying for your focus. With so much going on,
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  and so many voices competing for your attention, missing something your spouse
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  says is understandable.
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  However, we choose what gets our ears full attention And what we treat as background
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  noise Is your spouse high-priority, background noise, or somewhere in between?
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  Perhaps you assume you know what your spouse has to say And don't give it top
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  priority for that reason Or perhaps some of what they say obligates you or annoys
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  you So you'd rather not hear it,
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  Or it might be as simple as familiarity making them seem boring But regardless
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  of the reason Missing something important because you're distracted is wrong
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  and it may communicate that you don't care.
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  If you want to hear what your spouse thinks and know what they feel,
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  you must make listening to them a priority.
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  Of course, there are situations where you can't do that. On those occasions,
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  ask them to wait and tell you whatever later, when you can give it the focus it deserves.
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  When your spouse talks, give them your attention. Put down your phone,
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  make eye contact, and really hear them.
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  Caveat 1. If your spouse tends to ramble, like my wife's husband,
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  you might miss something because it's lost in a stream of consciousness that
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  doesn't need your attention.
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  The solution to this is to be honest, saying, you have a lot of words,
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  would you make sure I hear the ones that are important would work.
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  Or, when they're going on, and on, and on, say, is there something I need to know?
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  Caveat two, being neurodivergent makes focus extra challenging.
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  I'm ADHD, and I feel your frustration. Make dealing with that a couple task.
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  This is Paul, and focus is part of doing marriage well.