Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Forgiveness Is Freedom. Give It To Yourself | EP 323

Transcript

Forgiveness Is Freedom. Give It To Yourself | EP 323 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  You've been waiting for an apology that's never coming, not from him, not from her, not your old boss, the old friend, or even your old self.
• 0:16
  You've been waiting for somebody to say you are forgiven.
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  And friend, I need you to hear this with your whole heart when I say it.
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  That apology was never gonna come from outside of you.
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  It was always going to have to come from you.
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  So we're not gonna talk about forgiving other people.
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  We're talking about the person you've never let off the hook, and that's you And if you're new here, I'm Letitia, and this is Confident and Empowered Women, Where we talk about the kind of stuff that you think about
• 0:49
  in the late hours of the night when the house is finally quiet.
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  We're having the conversations you may not be having anywhere else.
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  So hit subscribe right now before you forget.
• 1:01
  Trust me, your future self will thank you for doing yourself this favor.
• 1:06
  So let's get into it Hey, hey, hey.
• 1:10
  Okay, so listen.
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  Today's episode has been sitting on my heart for a minute, and it's called Forgiveness is Freedom: Give it to Yourself.
• 1:20
  And here's what I think most of us have been taught about forgiveness, that it's about somebody else, forgiving the ex, the friend who did you dirty, forgiving the parent, the boss, whoever it is that hurt you.
• 1:34
  And you've heard the phrase, "Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you."
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  And friend, That's true.
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  It really is.
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  But there's a version of forgiveness that just doesn't get as much airtime, and it's the one that I actually needed the most at a point in time in my life, and that is forgiving yourself because forgiveness is freedom.
• 1:58
  And yes, that means you can set somebody else free, even if that just looks like releasing them from your own narrative about them, about the part they played in your story.
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  But it also means that you can forgive yourself and set yourself free This really hit me after the divorce.
• 2:20
  It was actually harder to forgive myself than it was to forgive anybody else.
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  I grieved the dream of my kids growing up with both of their parents underneath one roof.
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  That was real grief, and I let myself have it.
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  But forgiving myself for even being in the position to become a divorced single mom with a baby on each hip, that was much harder.
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  I had to forgive myself for the choices I made, for the version of myself I thought I was supposed to be, and even for making the decision to end it, which, friend, it was the best decision.
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  My life today is even more confirmation that is a fact.
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  What I really had to sit with was how unconscious I was to the patterns that were laid out in front of me.
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  I wasn't being intentional about where I actually wanted to go.
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  I was mostly just focused on where I didn't wanna end up, and then ended up there anyway pretty much.
• 3:27
  releasing myself from what I thought it was supposed to look like, who I thought I was supposed to be, and just accepting what it actually turned out to be, That ended up being one of the greatest gifts I've
• 3:39
  ever given myself.
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  Not making myself wrong for any of it, granting myself the grace to go in one direction, realize it wasn't for me, and course correct.
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  That is what let me love myself even more, not less.
• 3:57
  So let's explore why forgiving yourself is so much harder than forgiving anyone else, and why it might be the greatest gift you ever give yourself Here's what I've noticed in my own life and in the women that I
• 4:13
  coach.
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  We will extend grace to everybody else, okay?
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  Somebody comes to us with this exact same mistake that we made ourselves, but we don't hesitate.
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  "You were doing the best that you could with what you knew."
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  We're so quick to run that line.
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  We have their back before they even finish the sentence.
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  But when it's us, different rules apply.
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  Suddenly, there's a whole trial.
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  Suddenly, you need a confession.
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  You need to really sit in it before you'll even consider letting yourself go.
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  And here's what's underneath that.
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  Friend, you've confused punishment with responsibility.
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  You think if you stop punishing yourself, that means what happened didn't matter, that you're letting yourself off easy.
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  But punishing yourself was never the same thing as taking accountability.
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  You can take full ownership of a choice and still release yourself from serving an eternal sentence for it.
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  And those are two different things.
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  One is honest, the other is just suffering With extra steps Now let's reframe this, okay?
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  Because forgiveness was never a reward for good behavior.
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  It's not something you unlock after enough guilt, enough replaying, enough time spent in the penalty box.
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  Forgiveness is freedom, and freedom is not something you earn your way into.
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  It's something you decide to walk into.
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  Think about it like this.
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  If forgiveness required you to be perfect first, nobody would ever even qualify Not one of us.
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  So if the price of forgiveness is perfection, that's not actually forgiveness.
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  That's just a life sentence with really convincing paperwork.
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  And I want you to hear this part specifically.
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  The version of you that made the choice, whatever it was for you, did not have the information, the healing, the tools that you have right now.
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  She was doing her best, truly, with what she had in that season.
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  That's not an excuse.
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  That's recognizing and honoring the truth.
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  So I want you to give yourself what you'd give your best friend without a second thought, not because you earned it, because you are allowed to have it Friend, you just heard me say it.
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  You can take full ownership of a choice and still release yourself from serving an eternal sentence for it.
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  And here's what I know about you.
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  You're gonna close this episode, nod along, feel the lump in your throat for about 10 minutes, and then tomorrow morning, you're gonna catch yourself back in the trial, rereading the evidence Building the case against yourself all over again
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  feeling free for a moment and staying free are two completely different things.
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  The main character energy journal prompts, these aren't just going to ask you how you feel today.
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  These are the prompts that walk you all the way into your freedom in your own handwriting.
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  It's gonna hold you, connect you to the version of yourself who is doing her best, and actually feel like you're safe to finally let it go.
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  Because friend, the version of you that you're still holding on right now, she's not waiting on an apology from anyone else.
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  She's waiting on one from you, and these prompts are how you finally give it to her The link is in the show notes.
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  Go set her free Okay, now friend, you already know I'm not gonna just leave you all up in your feelings today because feeling something without doing anything with it just keeps you in the emotion and not in the
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  freedom.
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  And we are all about setting ourselves free up in this piece.
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  So, uh, let's talk about what you can actually do with everything that we just unpacked.
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  This is your self-love two-step with the remix.
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  Step one, write the verdict you've been holding.
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  Get honest with yourself, friend.
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  What is the exact thing you have never forgiven yourself for?
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  Not the vague version, the specific one.
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  Write it down in detail like you're finally saying it out loud after years of carrying it silently.
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  Step two, write the release.
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  Now, underneath it, write this sentence and mean it, "I forgive myself for," insert that thing, "because I was doing the best that I could with what I knew and had at the time."
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  And then read it out loud, not once, But read it until it stops feeling like a lie and starts feeling like the truth It already is.
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  And step three is the you step.
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  You get still, you get quiet, and you ask yourself, "What is my heart telling me to do next?"
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  Because whatever comes up, that is your next right aligned step.
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  You don't need the whole plan, just the next move.
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  Trust her, friend.
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  She already knows Now let me pour into you right quick.
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  Friend, I'm gonna take this moment to speak directly to the heart of the woman listening who has been carrying something for way too long.
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  Somewhere between reconciling what happened and holding everybody accountable, you decided to hold your own feet to the fire.
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  Accountability is a good thing, and yet it doesn't have to be done as a form of punishment.
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  You will never punish yourself enough to undo what has been done, to erase the hurt or infractions you feel.
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  It won't help you learn your lessons any faster, and it certainly won't bring more joy into your life.
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  If anything, it holds it away from you, creating your own internal suffering You'll never suffer enough to make up for the choices you made, and the beautiful thing is you don't have to.
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  You do not have to earn your own mercy.
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  You do not have to serve out a life sentence for being a human.
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  The woman who made that choice was doing the best that she could, and the woman listening right now gets to decide today is the day the sentence ends.
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  Release what happened and where you feel you are at fault.
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  You were never meant to hold onto that forever.
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  Let it go, friend.
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  Not because what happened didn't matter, because you were never supposed to be her judge in the first place.
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  You were meant to take your lessons and continue to evolve into your best self.
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  You get to let yourself off the hook.
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  You get to grant yourself some grace.
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  You get to forgive yourself.
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  All of it is such a wonderful privilege and gift you get to give yourself.
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  Forgiveness is freedom.
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  It's also a form of self-love, and you deserve all of it and then some.
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  So set yourself free Mm, friend, hand to heart, I could not be more proud of you, Because this is you doing your work Mm-mm, okay, friend, and that is a wrap.
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  remember, you deserve to fall in love with yourself, your days, and your life.
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  Not someday, but right now.
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  This conversation, this work that you showed up for, this is how it happens, one layer at a time.
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  And I'm gonna keep showing up for you just like you are showing up here with me.
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  I'm sending you big virtual hugs, and no matter what comes your way, together we can encourage over everything, And I'll see you soon