Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 79: I'd Rather Be In Bed

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79: I'd Rather Be In Bed · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Built-in Microphone-10: Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  Built-in Microphone-10: So this is episode 79.
• 0:24
  Built-in Microphone-10: I'd rather be in bed.
• 0:25
  Built-in Microphone-10: And I'm wondering, is that how you're feeling today?
• 0:28
  Built-in Microphone-10: It has been very snowy here in Northern Utah.
• 0:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: And I confess when I look out the window and I see all of the snow, it sounds.
• 0:35
  Built-in Microphone-10: So cozy to just stay in my bed under my covers with a warm cup of something.
• 0:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: So I totally get that.
• 0:42
  Built-in Microphone-10: And we're going to be talking about that today about not only why you would rather stay in bed, but also how to get yourself out of bed and create the change that you want.
• 0:50
  Built-in Microphone-10: But first I want to share something with you.
• 0:52
  Built-in Microphone-10: So today I have super cute soft pink.
• 0:54
  Built-in Microphone-10: fingernails.
• 0:55
  Built-in Microphone-10: My daughter did these for me.
• 0:56
  Built-in Microphone-10: I've told you before that she's at the local beauty school right now and she and a classmate needed to do a set of nails before they could go onto the floor to work on paying clients.
• 1:06
  Built-in Microphone-10: And so I got to go in and get my nails done and they were so sweet because since I had a client that I was meeting with, then my daughter did one hand and her classmate did the other hand and I think they turned out so cute.
• 1:17
  Built-in Microphone-10: I think they did a great job and I was able to be done in time and home for my client.
• 1:21
  Built-in Microphone-10: And, I am not traditionally a person who likes to wear fancy, long nails.
• 1:26
  Built-in Microphone-10: So even though I love these nails, it has been an adjustment for me.
• 1:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: I've had to relearn how to text, how to peel an orange, how to fasten necklaces, and when I was out pant shopping, then these nails made the decision for me when I was trying to decide between two cute pairs of pants.
• 1:43
  Built-in Microphone-10: One of them were an elastic pair of kind of dress slacks.
• 1:46
  Built-in Microphone-10: That I could just slide on and then the other pair were a pair of really cute button fly jeans And you know what?
• 1:53
  Built-in Microphone-10: I was not going to do button flies with these nails So the nails made it very easy for me to make that decision about those pants So yes, I love these nails and I've had to navigate some discomfort when it comes to adjusting to having these nails And it's not just true for nails, right?
• 2:09
  Built-in Microphone-10: These nails are kind of going to be the metaphor for this podcast But there are many times in life where we want something And we know that there's going to be a certain level of discomfort that is going to come with creating that change for self.
• 2:22
  Built-in Microphone-10: So for example, this might be starting or ending a relationship.
• 2:26
  Built-in Microphone-10: It might be something that you really want, but there's also going to be some discomfort that comes with it.
• 2:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: The same holds true for making new friends, applying for that job, getting a new haircut, moving.
• 2:38
  Built-in Microphone-10: These might all be things that you really want.
• 2:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: And also, there's going to be a certain level of discomfort involved when it comes to leaning into those things.
• 2:49
  Built-in Microphone-10: Coach quite a bit on motivation and goal setting, and I cannot tell you how many times I've been in session with somebody, and somebody's basically trying to convince me that something must be wrong with them because they're not feeling motivated.
• 3:02
  Built-in Microphone-10: They would rather be in bed, or they would rather be at home, or they would just rather not be doing the uncomfortable thing.
• 3:08
  Built-in Microphone-10: They would rather be comfortable and safe and warm, and they have made this mean that something must be wrong with them.
• 3:16
  Built-in Microphone-10: But the truth is, there's nothing wrong with them.
• 3:18
  Built-in Microphone-10: They just have a very Human brain.
• 3:21
  Built-in Microphone-10: Our human brains, they just want to keep us safe and comfortable, right?
• 3:25
  Built-in Microphone-10: And since our beds are super warm and super safe, we oftentimes don't want to leave them.
• 3:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: Also, not only do our brains want to keep us safe and comfortable, but they also associate any form of discomfort with danger.
• 3:39
  Built-in Microphone-10: So we might be completely safe, but because we feel a little bit uncomfortable, our brain is going to start telling us that, nope, danger, danger, danger, and This isn't something that you should be doing, but when we can learn that, that's just what our brain does, then we can take charge of our brain and create some lasting change for self.
• 3:55
  Built-in Microphone-10: Right?
• 3:55
  Built-in Microphone-10: So it makes sense that you want to stay in bed.
• 3:57
  Built-in Microphone-10: It feels so good.
• 3:58
  Built-in Microphone-10: Nothing is wrong with you.
• 3:59
  Built-in Microphone-10: You just have a human brain.
• 4:02
  Built-in Microphone-10: And we can just recognize in those moments that, okay, my brain is just doing what brains do.
• 4:07
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's totally fine.
• 4:08
  Built-in Microphone-11: And when we're able to do that, then we can let go of the guilt and the shame that comes from us wanting to stay in bed.
• 4:15
  Built-in Microphone-10: So, What do we do when our brain just wants to stay in bed and your higher mind is saying no, it's time to get up and make some change.
• 4:22
  Built-in Microphone-10: I'm gonna offer up three tips to help.
• 4:25
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right, number one is differentiate yourself from your thoughts.
• 4:29
  Built-in Microphone-10: It is super easy to believe that what our brain is saying is true because it sounds like us.
• 4:34
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's in our voice.
• 4:35
  Built-in Microphone-10: It sounds very familiar.
• 4:36
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's something that we would say, but you are not your thoughts.
• 4:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: You are the one observing.
• 4:42
  Built-in Microphone-10: your thoughts.
• 4:43
  Built-in Microphone-10: So just observe them and then choose them on purpose, right?
• 4:47
  Built-in Microphone-10: So sometimes actually giving the voice in your head a name can really help you to differentiate self from the thoughts.
• 4:54
  Built-in Microphone-10: In your mind.
• 4:55
  Built-in Microphone-10: So, for example, maybe you find yourself saying, Hey there, Brainy Broomhilda.
• 4:59
  Built-in Microphone-10: I hear you.
• 5:00
  Built-in Microphone-10: You want to stay in bed and eat chocolate cake.
• 5:02
  Built-in Microphone-10: And I get it.
• 5:03
  Built-in Microphone-10: I really like those things, too.
• 5:05
  Built-in Microphone-10: And, do you know what else we both like?
• 5:07
  Built-in Microphone-10: We also both really like making new friends.
• 5:10
  Built-in Microphone-10: So, we're gonna get up.
• 5:11
  Built-in Microphone-10: We're gonna get out of bed.
• 5:13
  Built-in Microphone-10: We're gonna get ready.
• 5:14
  Built-in Microphone-10: And we're gonna go to this party.
• 5:16
  Built-in Microphone-10: And don't worry.
• 5:16
  Built-in Microphone-10: I will be with you the whole time.
• 5:19
  Built-in Microphone-10: I will be with you and it will be just fine.
• 5:21
  Built-in Microphone-10: And when we get back from the party, We can curl up in bed, and maybe we can even have some chocolate cake.
• 5:26
  Built-in Microphone-10: What do you think?
• 5:26
  Built-in Microphone-10: Does that sound good?
• 5:28
  Built-in Microphone-10: Now, your primitive mind is basically like a child.
• 5:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: So, acknowledge what it is that the child wants.
• 5:34
  Built-in Microphone-10: point out what else is true, and then lovingly guide them towards something that is more supportive for the life that you want to create.
• 5:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: And also notice that because your primitive mind is like a toddler essentially, if you tell a toddler no, what do they often do?
• 5:49
  Built-in Microphone-10: They oftentimes throw a big tantrum, so you want to say yes to the inner child as often as you can, and sometimes that means a little creative reframing, right?
• 5:59
  Built-in Microphone-10: Like with exactly what I was just showing you with, hey, I get it.
• 6:02
  Built-in Microphone-10: I want that too.
• 6:03
  Built-in Microphone-10: Let's do this, and we can still have chocolate cake and curl up in bed at the end of the day.
• 6:08
  Built-in Microphone-10: So it might sound a little silly, but talk to your brain, become that observer of your own thoughts, and step into your higher mind and kind of parent.
• 6:18
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right, number two, remind yourself that sometimes discomfort is actually a good thing and it creates amazing results.
• 6:26
  Built-in Microphone-10: So I want you to think for just a moment about the places and spaces where you have actually chosen discomfort on purpose.
• 6:32
  Built-in Microphone-10: So for example, maybe you're doing a cold plunge, or maybe you're a little sore after a workout, or maybe your teeth are tender from braces.
• 6:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: These are some forms of physical discomfort that come from things that you are choosing into because you really like the end result.
• 6:47
  Built-in Microphone-10: And maybe the discomfort is physical, or maybe it's emotional.
• 6:52
  Built-in Microphone-10: For example, I coach several divorced women who are going back out into the dating world for the first time in years.
• 6:58
  Built-in Microphone-10: And they're trying to figure out how to work the apps, and they're discovering who they are as an individual, as well as who it is that they would like to seek out as a partner, and it can be kind of uncomfortable, all of these new things.
• 7:09
  Built-in Microphone-10: And they're willing to embrace that discomfort because they're seeking a specific result.
• 7:14
  Built-in Microphone-10: I also know several people that are leaning into the discomfort of going back to school later in life.
• 7:19
  Built-in Microphone-10: My youngest recently made the decision to switch from Android to Apple.
• 7:23
  Built-in Microphone-10: And there's a lot of discomfort that can come from learning a new operating system.
• 7:27
  Built-in Microphone-10: Little side note, she totally tipped the scales at our house.
• 7:29
  Built-in Microphone-10: We are a house divided.
• 7:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: And this one child switching from Android to Apple totally switched the scales.
• 7:35
  Built-in Microphone-10: So our house is a little bit in an uproar right now, but all of these things can be a little bit uncomfortable.
• 7:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: So when your brain tells you it's best to stay in bed, be prepared to show your brain all the times when you actually leaned into the discomfort and it wasn't only okay, but it actually turned out to be very beneficial for you.
• 7:53
  Built-in Microphone-10: Alright, number three, know that it can take time to adjust, and the discomfort that comes from this adjustment period, it does not mean that you've made the wrong choice.
• 8:03
  Built-in Microphone-10: So notice that there is in fact an adjustment period and it's going to be okay.
• 8:07
  Built-in Microphone-10: So yes, you might feel a little bit awkward as you learn the ropes in your new position at work.
• 8:12
  Built-in Microphone-10: And that doesn't mean that you took the wrong position.
• 8:15
  Built-in Microphone-10: Yes, you might feel a little insecure when you're a beginner showing up at a pickleball game for the first time.
• 8:20
  Built-in Microphone-10: When apparently everybody else on the planet already knows all about pickleball, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't go.
• 8:27
  Built-in Microphone-10: Yes.
• 8:27
  Built-in Microphone-10: You might feel a little uncomfortable when you cut and style your hair differently for the first time since 1989, but that doesn't mean that you've made a wrong choice.
• 8:37
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's just your mind catching up.
• 8:39
  Built-in Microphone-10: to these new ways of living and being.
• 8:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right, so here is your homework.
• 8:44
  Built-in Microphone-10: So today, I want you to take a moment to think about something that you really want, and then take some time to journal on what discomfort you're willing to experience in order to get that, right?
• 8:54
  Built-in Microphone-10: Because we're going to be uncomfortable either way.
• 8:56
  Built-in Microphone-10: You're either going to be uncomfortable going into that job interview, Or, you're going to be uncomfortable, unemployed, or at the same job that you really don't like.
• 9:04
  Built-in Microphone-10: You're either going to be uncomfortable waking up really early to go to the gym, or you're going to be uncomfortable in a body that really you wish was a bit stronger.
• 9:13
  Built-in Microphone-10: You're either going to be uncomfortable putting yourself out there in an effort to make friends, Or, you're going to be uncomfortable being alone.
• 9:20
  Built-in Microphone-10: You're going to be uncomfortable either way, and most of the time, the discomfort that we choose into is the discomfort that is the most familiar to us.
• 9:28
  Built-in Microphone-10: That's why we end up staying in that relationship for as long as we do, or why we end up staying in that dead end job for as long as we do.
• 9:34
  Built-in Microphone-10: Because the familiar Feels safer, but it's not actually safer.
• 9:39
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's just more familiar.
• 9:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: So notice for yourself What discomfort am I currently choosing into because you are currently choosing into it If you have a choice and making a different choice would create something different You are in fact choosing into this current form of discomfort So get really honest with yourself about the discomfort that you're currently choosing into and then get really clear on what it is that you want, where you'd like to be, and what form of discomfort you're going to need to choose into to get there.
• 10:09
  Built-in Microphone-10: So of course it feels more safe and secure to stay in our bed under the covers.
• 10:12
  Built-in Microphone-10: It feels warm, it feels safe and familiar.
• 10:15
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's awesome! So know that your brain is going to tell you that that's where you should stay.
• 10:18
  Built-in Microphone-10: day.
• 10:19
  Built-in Microphone-10: And then remind yourself that, Oh yeah, I'm going to be uncomfortable either way.
• 10:23
  Built-in Microphone-10: And then choose into the discomfort that is going to bring you the results that you really want.
• 10:27
  Built-in Microphone-10: So to support you in this a little bit, I'm going to ask you a few questions.
• 10:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: You can kind of journal on these.
• 10:32
  Built-in Microphone-10: I'll also put them in the show notes so that you can journal on them and really have some time to really think and reflect.
• 10:37
  Built-in Microphone-10: So, okay, so here are some questions to get the gears moving.
• 10:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: Are you ready?
• 10:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right.
• 10:42
  Built-in Microphone-10: What discomfort would you need to choose into to have the marriage or relationship that you want?
• 10:48
  Built-in Microphone-10: What discomfort would you need to choose into to have the job that you want?
• 10:53
  Built-in Microphone-10: What discomfort would you need to choose into to have the body that you want?
• 10:58
  Built-in Microphone-10: What discomfort would you need to choose into to have the life that you want?
• 11:02
  Built-in Microphone-10: That you want and are you willing to experience that discomfort to get it?
• 11:08
  Built-in Microphone-10: You're going to be uncomfortable either way But one form of action is going to help you to get the results that you want So yes, you're going to want to stay in bed.
• 11:15
  Built-in Microphone-10: Do not beat yourself up about it You're human But if you're serious about creating a life that you really want then it is time to get out of bed It is time to actually take action.
• 11:27
  Built-in Microphone-10: So when your brain tells you, Hey, I would rather be in bed.
• 11:29
  Built-in Microphone-10: You can be like, yeah, I totally get it.
• 11:31
  Built-in Microphone-10: It's totally fine.
• 11:32
  Built-in Microphone-10: And you can thank your brain for doing what brains do.
• 11:35
  Built-in Microphone-10: I acknowledge that your brain is just trying to keep you safe and it's fine.
• 11:38
  Built-in Microphone-10: So tell your brain.
• 11:39
  Built-in Microphone-10: Yeah, I get it.
• 11:40
  Built-in Microphone-10: Beds are super comfortable.
• 11:42
  Built-in Microphone-10: I totally hear you and we're going to do this instead.
• 11:45
  Built-in Microphone-10: You are so human and it's probably the most human experience that you've ever had to just want to stay in bed.
• 11:51
  Built-in Microphone-10: So talk to your brain.
• 11:52
  Built-in Microphone-10: Let it know.
• 11:53
  Built-in Microphone-10: Hey, it's okay.
• 11:53
  Built-in Microphone-10: I hear you.
• 11:54
  Built-in Microphone-10: I know you're trying to keep me safe And remember, these are all of the reasons why we're going to choose this instead.
• 12:01
  Built-in Microphone-10: They say that there's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone, and I believe that this is mostly true.
• 12:07
  Built-in Microphone-10: And also, I believe that you can actually minimize your own discomfort by letting go of the shame that something must be wrong with you because you want to stay in bed.
• 12:17
  Built-in Microphone-10: So stop shaming yourself for having a human brain.
• 12:20
  Built-in Microphone-10: Separate out yourself from your thoughts and remember that your brain is going to be telling you things all day every day and just because it sounds like you and is in your voice.
• 12:28
  Built-in Microphone-10: It doesn't mean it's true differentiate yourself from your thoughts become a curious observer of them You have got this and guess what the discomfort is totally worth it.
• 12:38
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right So I hope that you have a great week.
• 12:41
  Built-in Microphone-10: And hey, if you would like some help and support learning how to manage your very human mind, come and work with me.
• 12:47
  Built-in Microphone-10: I would love to work with you.
• 12:48
  Built-in Microphone-10: You can find all my contact information in the show notes.
• 12:51
  Built-in Microphone-10: So here's to a week filled with comfortable beds and getting out of bed.
• 12:56
  Built-in Microphone-10: All right.
• 12:56
  Built-in Microphone-10: I'll talk to you later.
• 12:57
  Built-in Microphone-10: Bye now.