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640. What It Really Means to Love Yourself · Be It Till You See It

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, what the therapist and psychologist and brain people are saying is, it is a foundation for a happy and fulfilled life.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I interpret that is we can't be at tell we see it and just sort of like ourselves.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I don't want you to do is not have that self-love that's like true self-love.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the be it till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm also Logan, prize instructor and fitness business coach.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
• 0:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: My friends, action brings clarity.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: and it's the antidote to fear.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each week my guess will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, be it babe, how are you?
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh, okay.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we're doing a two episode series on self love and a two episode series on burnout.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And these kind of came out of doing the series on the habits.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, we've had so many amazing guests on the pot and it made me think of like, they talk about how you've to love yourself.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I can't even tell you how, I probably should've looked it up.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: How many episodes we have had guests tell us like love yourself.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you have to have like love for yourself.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like it caught me thinking like, you know what you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like you think you know what that means.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: wait what does it mean like what is self love you know and it is important and what if we don't do it and how is it different than burnout and how is it different than a habit and how is it different than like all those other things and so I kind of wanted to do just like a whole episode and I'm like what is self love?
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why do we struggle with it?
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why do we need it?
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's important, right?
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to just kind of dive in.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you think I know and already, sure, even if you have this episode and go to the next one, we're just going to be the tools and the tips and the tricks and the mantras.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I hope we can have like a conversation.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, obviously, you're not here, but like you can talk in the car together of like what?
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: What does this mean?
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe you have different interpretations, right?
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also in the next episode, I'll share some of the ones that you guys have sent about that with here.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think you guys sent us some first off love and some that kind of go with burnout and so I'm excited about it.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: So first of all, here is the dry like what the professionals, psychology things like that have say.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: That involves prioritizing your physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being with the same kindness and compassion, you would offer a loved one.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would also say you'd offer anyone because I see a lot of people offer strangers more of these things than they do themselves.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: It includes accepting yourself, belongs and all, setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and treating yourself with respect.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is not the same as narcissism, which involves excessive self-interest, but rather a fundamental
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think like if we could just like leave that right there, you know, like there's so many things in that it's like, oh, that's itself.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like it's not the same as like, I mean, yes, there are some tools all share that like about loving yourself.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I love myself.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like actually these are the ways you can be in self love.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can be prioritizing your physical psychological spiritual well, being with the same kind of same fashion you would offer a loved one.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Another way of saying this that I found on the line was be the adult you always needed to
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell yourself the words, the younger version of you always needed to hear, and that might mean you have to go learn about like, like, repairing team.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that would be like a therapist, right?
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So hopefully, like, if any of these things spark your interest, like you are working with a professional therapist of some kind in that way, but like, especially if it involves like the repairing team of yourself.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot of us have to go through that.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, I know a lot of moms are listening and including my like it's not that you didn't do a great job.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: You did the best you could some people right and also there's still things that happened in our lives outside of what our parents did or didn't do that like part of what we brought up to ourselves as an adult and their stories that we tell ourselves and those all affect how we treat ourselves psychologically physically spiritually right.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So just to make sure we are saying things in the same way, the same thing in different ways so that if you have a different way of ruining these words, you get an education around self love today.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here's another thing.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, this means self-love can include self-acceptance.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, recognize and accepting both your strengths and your weaknesses without self-criticism.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think this is the hardest for me.
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, I'll just get an adult's teach of these, because I think that at least I like that one people do it.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, I think it's easy for us to accept the good parts about ourselves, but then we're really harsh about the not-so-re-parts.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, not that you, like, don't try to better what those are, but I think a lot of people who are attracted to the show because I do the same thing, like, like a trick.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: is we are then constantly trying to better the things that we don't like about ourselves great do that and also don't be harsh right there's a difference between a harsh self-criticism and an awareness of things that could be better but still loving yourself despite or in spite of that right
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-compassion, self-love, self-compassion, treating yourself with kindness, especially during difficult times.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I definitely struggle with compassion for myself when I kind of do the thing I know I shouldn't have done at the time.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then if you know you're like, I shouldn't procrastinate right now and then you do.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then like, everything goes up in your face.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will go into a harsh criticism.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will have a lack of self-compassion.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: all of that affects the self-love, and when you don't love yourself, it makes it really difficult for you to show up at us the highest version of yourself, that's for sure.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it also, it makes it really hard for us to accept love and support from others.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's almost hard for us to receive compassion for other people, because we're not giving it to ourselves.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so we don't even recognize compassion when it comes from someone else, right?
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-care is self-love, actively taking care of your physical emotional mental health, or actions like eating well, exercising, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities you enjoy.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, when I say, whenever you hear me say eating well, or healthy, I think you need to understand fueling yourself appropriately.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: What allows you to have the best sleep of your life?
• 6:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: What allows you to do the movement practice?
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're like, what allows you to do the life you want to live?
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's no such thing as go to our bad food or go to our bad bodies, right?
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what are the things that make you feel?
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, are you eating foods that you know are going to make you feel like crap?
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: for example.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love kettle corn.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really love kettle corn.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I can have a handful of kettle corn.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: No problem.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I can't stop with a handful of kettle corn most of the time.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so when I am
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oftentimes, being a little too in my head, being a little harder myself, like having a stressful day.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, I had to have more kettle corn, because why not just really make the already hard day I'm having even harder?
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I have a bag of kettle corn, I feel like my stomach hurts.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have like my skin crawls and I have the worst night sleep, right?
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, in doing that, I am not giving myself the self care that I need, because I'm now affecting tonight's sleep, which means I am not loving myself.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: For the whole day and night, just going to affect tomorrow, right?
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So,
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: getting enough rest is self-care.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is self-love.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I get really, I, in researching this, I was really excited because I find myself when I leave my retreats or I lead some of these workshops that I do like talking to people about like why it's so important that they go for a walk in the morning if that's what they want to do.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: They want to walk in the morning, why is some part why is it so important that you pull out these?
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because doing activities that help you sleep well, move well, be pain-free are all an act of self-love and every time I see people
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Modernists often times for others, but what I'm seeing in the room is like a lack of self-love.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's limiting how much you can love others.
• 8:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to say it, right?
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Boundary setting.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So knowing your limits and saying no when necessary to protect your well-being, like setting boundaries and upholding those boundaries is self-love.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: We had a great episode about boundaries on the Tonya Dalton.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I still really love and recommend that episode.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So so good.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what I will say is, I know that I come across as someone who is like the strictest of boundaries.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna tell you right now.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I still feel bad when I have to uphold those boundaries.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I know I have to uphold the boundaries because I love myself.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: So much, I know I cannot go beyond my limits and still be the person I need to be tomorrow for all the people, right?
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will let more people down tomorrow if I let go of my boundaries today, right?
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, self-respect is self-love, honoring your needs and not sacrificing well being to please others.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-respect is self-love.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think like we can all not along and then go,
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Am I respecting myself?
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I will say the older I get the easier a self-respect is for me to do.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: The younger I was, the harder it was, right?
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because there's things that you're trying to prove and you don't want to be liked and there's all these different things.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I would just say like, you know, please explore self-respect with yourself because if you don't have that, that's like your boundary setting, yourself care, your compassionate acceptance, I think is all going to fall under like the actions you take to respect yourself.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: and then positive self-talk.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: But consciously, or a placing negative self-talk with more positive and supportive affirmations.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, if you listen to habit series, it's really hard to do.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's really hard to replace the negative self-talk with positive words, because you have to first then be aware of the negative self-talk, and you have to like get quicker at catching it.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it might take you a whole day, right now, to catch yourself, being an ask to yourself.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then as you are like, okay, I want to have a better positive self-talk, self-respect, self-compassion, self-care, self-acceptance, blah, blah, blah.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So then maybe you take some of the tools that we're doing.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And all of a sudden, you realize, whoa, I caught myself talking negatively to myself in half a day.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, most people are going to get mad themselves at a cafe day.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: What you have to do is actually celebrate that only took half a day.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can get better than it's going to take you three hours, and then it's going to take you an hour, and then it's going to take you 30 minutes and take you three minutes and it's going to take you three seconds.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: That can take years.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, give yourself the space and grace and have some positive self-talk and find ways to replace negative things or maybe tell a friend.
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like if you hear me talking about it myself, I need you to...
• 10:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: do something in Cambodia, played a lot of girls who are apologizing all the time, so as soon as anyone said I'm sorry, we'd also scream, not helpful, not helpful, you know, and it was it became something we laughed about, was so funny, we actually realized like, wow, a lot of times that I'm saying, I'm sorry, I really mean excuse me, right?
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a better way to replace it, okay?
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So why does this matter?
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, why is it important to have any self love?
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: What the therapists and psychologists and brain people are saying is, it is a foundation for a happy and fulfilled life, right?
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what I interpret that as we can't be at tell we see it and just sort of like ourselves.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what I don't want you to do is not have that self-love that's like true self-love.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then envision a woman who you think is going to be the thing you should be being a T.C.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you go and be a T.C.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: but she also doesn't love herself.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that would mean you get all the destination and you didn't.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: You didn't make sure it was like, you know what I mean?
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like he was become more of something else, but you're not in love with yourself on the long the way.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I definitely want to make sure that as you be until you see it, part of that is loving yourself.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I maybe that's your work this year.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I'm gonna be a tie to see it in self-love, right?
• 11:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's not just like a whole person, maybe it's an area.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-love increases self-confidence, self-worth and resilience.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh,
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's so, of course, like, yes, I believe that confidence comes from keeping the commitments you said you would to yourself.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay?
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's very easy for a lot of you to keep commitments at the people, so I was very specific.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Keeping the commitments to yourself that you said you would.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is where self-confidence comes from.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: But to do that, you have to have all these different areas of self-self-compassion, self-care, self-love boundaries, right, self-respect.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when you have self-love, it increases your self-confidence, your self-worth of resilience.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like,
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh, that is such an easier way of getting towards having self-confidence, right?
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's loving yourself.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: It leads to healthy relationships with others.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we often attract people who mirror a lot about how we feel about ourselves.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh my god, isn't it so embarrassing to look back at the boyfriend you have and you're younger, like, but thinking.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: But also, if you think about like, wow, that's the amount of love I was willing to give myself from myself.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So of course, that's
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and so if you are in some ways trying to be a TAC and having a loving wonderful relationship, I would definitely do some inventory and some self-reflection around what is going on with your self-love.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then another thing of why it's so important is a lack of self-love can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, and burnout.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have a series on burnout, so of course this is going to have an overlap with that.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: But,
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I have always said, like, burnout happened when in the plies industry, it happens a lot when people are under charging and over, you know, working.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, they did that because they have a lack of self-love, because if you had self-love, you would be charging your worth and keeping your boundaries, right?
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like a lack of self-love contributes to feeling an add-to-question.
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so with all the people with imposter syndrome, I know those people are saying imposter syndrome is like made up, but also like, sure, maybe it is.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And also, there's a fact on a people who feel inadequate.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: having anxiety, which is basically fear, hey, gay hinders in his book says that anxiety and fear are the same thing.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And depression, well, of course.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think you can love yourself and still have a low day.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not gonna say you won't ever be depressed, but it is gonna contribute to those feelings.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I do wonder, like if the more we have some self or spike self compassion, have positive self talk, how that is going to improve our feelings
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: It around us, like does it actually mean that you're in posters and it just becomes less and less and maybe you only feel it when you're brand new at something.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I believe that's why I think self love is even more important than I thought when we started doing this series.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh yeah, well, of course, I have to have self love.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's figure out how to help people do that and then I'm like, oh my god, this is so the most important fucking thing we can all be doing.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wait, so what can self-love look like?
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So some of this stuff is gonna sound redundant, but again, I'm saying it all, because I think we need to hear the same things in different ways.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: So some of you might be like, oh, God, I got to work my boundaries, I got to work my self-talk, gone, done.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't need more.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And some of us are like, okay, I need all these things, but what does it look like?
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is where I, I am always like, okay, Tommy the how.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got it, I'm in, I love it all, a cosine, Tommy how, right, I'm a how girl.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: What does self love mean to you?
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what does it look like?
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it can mean talking to and about yourself with love.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like one of the things you could do is like notice this week how you talk about yourself.
• 15:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you talking about all the things you messed up when you tell a friend about how the day went?
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you talking about how you like did something really amazing?
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right talking to and about yourself with love.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I walk around this house and I'll do different things like, oh my god.
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I just connected that to that.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so amazing.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like, I get really pleased with myself on like, I had to move my reform or the other day without Brad.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I took the carriage out, stood inside the frame, squatted down, like I was doing a little like deadlift.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then like move the frame and put the thing out like so strong.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad I could be independent.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like that.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: that is an act of self love, that kind of talk, right?
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: So these are like, there's little things you can do that in every single day, little ways you can do that in every single day.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Prioritizing yourself.
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's self love.
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It looks like prioritizing yourself.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: self-love looks like giving yourself a break from self-judgment.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe you start to notice you're judging yourself and you're like, oh, I got to replace it with positive.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: What if you just didn't?
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: What if you just stopped the just go, okay?
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna set it time for 15 minutes and go do something else, think of something else, like take a break from the judgment.
• 16:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, maybe it means
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: any amount of mirrors for a bit.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or, you know, think like, if the where in your life are you actually judging yourself the most, how can you like, is there a way you can take a post from that project?
• 16:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there a way that you can set yourself up for success?
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're actually to get like, you can actually give yourself a break from the self judgment.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self love can look like trusting yourself, trusting yourself.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think a lot of us get really excited about a decision we make and then we ask other people how they feel about it and then we change our decision based on others and look I change my decisions a lot based on input from others when I'm like working on a project for the team whatever but like that's not when talking about yes if someone gives you better information you should bring that in and but also if you know that you need to sleep for seven hours.
• 17:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Trusting yourself is way better than going, I guess I'm wrong.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the East Side should sleep for eight hours.
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you know, as you need to trust yourself, right?
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's some of the best things you can do.
• 17:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I found like, you know, Brad and I've been advocating for our health a lot lately, and one of the things I've noticed that when I talked to my doctors in a way that has an advocating myself, I have the paperwork to say, like, when I sleep this many hours and I feel like X, Y, and Z in the morning.
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I sleep for this many hours and I feel like this.
• 17:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I do blah, blah, I feel like this
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I talk like that, they don't doubt me.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: They actually go, okay, so what I'm hearing is blank and what that sounds like is when you do X, Y, and C. So because I'm trusting myself, I'm not going, you know, I mean, when I sleep this many hours, I feel the best, when I sleep this many hours, I don't like, I'm not doubting myself, I'm trusting myself, and then therefore my doctor and I can work as a team together.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so what I'm saying is like oftentimes,
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: we don't give off that we trust ourselves and so other people feel like, oh, you're asking a question, you want me to put in, you want me to support, like, I'm going to give you some suggestions.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then that doesn't help with the trust, right?
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-love looks like being true to yourself, being true to yourself.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, that goes, that's going to hand in hand with one thing when I talk about it a second.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll tell that's right.
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I get to that one, but I just want to say like, you intrude yourself.
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you don't, if you don't know how to be true to yourself, I really need you to take some time.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: For instance, not days, episode is around the same one dropping and she talks a lot about how like you have to live at your highest self.
• 18:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: and she has some tips on how to be true to yourself.
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do you trust yourself?
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Being nice to yourself is a way to look at self-love.
• 18:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you have self-love, you are a nice to yourself.
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're wondering what self-love looks like?
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be nice to yourself.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: What do you, if you know you need to get up and go get a glass of water, go do that.
• 19:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is being nice to yourself.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is listening to yourself as trusting yourself, right?
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I used to, like, okay.
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when I was
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have found myself falling into like ADHD thing where I just keep working and tell like oh my god Like I'm I I finally have earned the right to go to the bathroom and someone like wrote a meme going A ADHD lady, so you don't need to earn the right to go to the bathroom just go to the bathroom Being nice yourself is going to the bathroom.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just like getting up hitting pause And that is self love that is self love.
• 19:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so do you see how like all of a sudden self Love becomes so much easier.
• 19:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, some of these things are harder to do
• 19:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: break taking a break from self-judgment, especially if you've been doing it for your whole life.
• 19:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you can also just simply be nice to yourself and that could kick off the self-love ball and domino.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, setting healthy boundaries.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So at the B-true to yourself, one of the things that I know about me is I do need time, alone.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we had my in-laws came to visit with so much fun, but also like,
• 20:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: with them here and meant that I didn't have a lot of time by myself.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I didn't talk to any of my friends or other family members during that time.
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not because I didn't want to.
• 20:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But because I knew that I needed the times I could have a lot, I needed them a lot, being turned myself was making sure I had time as an introvert to recharge and refuel.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: and it meant I needed to keep my boundaries up and not given to oh my god I feel so bad I haven't talked to that person of course I feel bad I'm still gonna feel bad but also I'm not I can't feel bad and tired and shitty so loving myself being true to myself understanding like yes it is I'm sure some people think it's weird annoying I didn't have so much time on myself but I need to do that so I can be there for others and sitting healthy boundaries around that is important we also then
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: had a friend who needed to use our guest bedroom to 40 hours later.
• 20:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, I wanted to help go, yeah, stay as long as you want.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, we just had too many in our, we had to be alone hours for 10 days.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have people coming to our house next week.
• 21:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that.
• 21:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So here's what I can do.
• 21:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And do you want anything?
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're okay with it.
• 21:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: They were 25 with it.
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: They didn't go, oh, what I did, like, what a bitch.
• 21:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, because they too have healthy boundaries because they love themselves, so self-love is saying healthy boundaries and keeping them, forgiving yourself when you aren't being true or nice to yourself.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, I love that this is like, at the end, because it's like, oh my god, I, like, by you, I'm here all this, she'd be like, wow, here's all the different ways I love myself today.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, forgive yourself, and that is an act of self-love for you today, and you'll just do better than next time, right?
• 21:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, and I think that this is a really good like maybe thing to write down or think about it.
• 21:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just remember that self-love isn't just about loving the easy parts of ourselves.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It means loving every single part of ourselves.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So even the inner critic, like in fact, maybe the inner critic just needs to be loved a little bit, right?
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: So why is it so hard?
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why is it so hard to love ourselves?
• 21:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh my god, it's actually just like lessly just give out so many different ways.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could love myself and it should be so easy, like why is it so hard?
• 22:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So,
• 22:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is, well, the patriarchy, we're just going to say it, but seriously, women often struggle with self-love due to societal expectations to prioritize others.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Perfectionism is another reason when we have a struggle with self-love and being bombarded with unrealistic beauty and life standards.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it is hard to love ourselves when every single time you look in the magazines and on TV and all of a sudden you're being shown what the standard for beauty and being a wonderful woman
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So of course it's hard, you know, it's like how do you have to like I mean if the resilience that you have to have to like see those people and go I don't need to look at them and I'm still amazing that takes time So if you are struggling with comparing yourself to what society says is what we should be living up to you are not alone It takes a long time It and what I would say is like go back to the things that we did and what is something easy you can do because as you start to build yourself love muscle
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: becomes easier to not fall for the expectations of society, which by the way isn't going to be there for you, right?
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even if you've reached whatever they think the bar is, they're going to move the bar anyways.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, past negative experiences make it hard to love ourselves, right?
• 23:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, just criticism, trauma, feeling undervalued, these things can also deeply impact self-worth.
• 23:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, like, let's be real.
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: The stories that you got from people who were around doing your life at pivotal times and the experiences you had, those things can affect you, especially if you had a family member or friend who told you you weren't beautiful, you weren't loveable, you weren't pretty.
• 23:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you heard that and then something like, hey, I feel that and I really do hope that you are, not just doing self-reflection, but actively seeking someone who can help you because you are so worthy of self-love.
• 23:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as we've already learned, self-love is so important when it comes to all the other things you want to have in your life.
• 23:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: to be really hard to have an amazing, wonderful partner who loves you if you don't love yourself because it's going to be hard for you to feel and believe that love is true.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying you can't attract it or you don't have that.
• 23:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying like it's just going to be hard for you to believe that it's real and true.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to have that.
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Additionally, cultural conditioning can teach them how to be quiet, put others first, and build guilty for practicing self-care, making self-love seems selfish or out of reach.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: as a women business owner who serves female mostly and a few good men clients in our membership, it's online.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Women will cancel the membership because of all the demands on them that they feel from others and they have a hard time putting themselves first because they feel selfish or indulgent or that you know, I just like, you know, I can't do all of it,
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, or I'm only using five minutes at a time so I should cancel this.
• 24:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: The male members never do that.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not why they quit.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: They quit because like, oh, I'm taking three months off for a surgery.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's when they quit.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, I say that because ladies, we have to take the perfectionism off the table.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Love ourselves.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be proud of the few minutes we do do and then prioritize those.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is essential.
• 25:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you didn't listen to the episode with Amy Lidine, the most recent one we had in December, go listen to that to the Mama Five with cancer and just kick an ass.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she prioritizes her movement.
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I'm not saying that you have to do everything like she does, but I want you to have an example of people can be busy, can have hard lives, and still can love themselves enough to put themselves first, right?
• 25:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right.
• 25:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the other things obviously we have societal and cultural pressures, so there's prioritizing others when we're often socialized to be caregivers, they have to have to be the caregivers.
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're often because we are still paid less.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're often the ones that need to leave the workplace if that's what's needed in a family.
• 25:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Someone gets sick.
• 25:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: We obviously know we have a lot of women who listen to a show who are in the same generation.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's really, uh, it really does mean that you put other people first and over time that means maybe not loving yourself as much as you could be and that is affecting other areas in your life and your belief in yourself on what you can do and what's possible.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not saying don't take care of others, but I'm saying it's you have to prioritize yourself first and then take care of others because truly your ability to care for others is an event diagram of what you can't actually do.
• 26:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And where I see a lot of people struggling with that, we'll talk more about that burnout series when they give more, right?
• 26:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So love yourself enough, prioritize yourself over others.
• 26:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Other reasons why it's really hard for us as women is unrealistic expectations.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we talked about that with society, the standard of beauty, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, the mother had bull crap.
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my, the Instagram on,
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, all this Tradwife stuff, like if that's what you want, that's great, but ladies, you do not have to be that as a mom, you can be whatever you want, right?
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what are these unemielistic expectations people are putting on us suck?
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what are the expectations you want for yourself?
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: How can you true to that?
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's self-love, right?
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then, obviously, society has this immense pressure for us to be perfect.
• 26:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: The past experience in personal history in your childhood experience.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So,
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember that's the child experience you had.
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's like early experience with caregivers and emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving.
• 27:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That can lead to a belief that you're not inherently lovable, which makes it really hard to love yourself.
• 27:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So a great book to explore.
• 27:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what happened to you.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love this book.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's with Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry.
• 27:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's a really great way to have empathy for yourself, but also empathy for others.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So obviously, so many people experience trauma, especially as children that can affect your ability to love yourself.
• 27:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to be a life event.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You could have gone self-love all day long and then a life event happened.
• 27:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so one, be have so much compassion for yourself and then let's figure out where that happened and what are these things that we talked about so far that could help you work on that self-love.
• 27:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: feeling undervalued.
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, when we're underpaid or under supported, or we're not a queer of our worth and demanding that because we don't have our boundaries up, we're going to feel undervalued that's going to affect our self-love, right?
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's really hard.
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, and then there's eternalized beliefs, the should, the guilt, or the need for external validation.
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, if you are someone,
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Peel is needing external validation to love yourself.
• 27:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is going to be hard, right?
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we do have to figure out a way around that that might be you have to do something with and therapy to do that because many women tie their work to external achievements and validation they receive from others rather than internal sense of self-acceptance.
• 28:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if you don't have an internal sense of self-acceptance, it's hard to have that self-compassion.
• 28:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're always waiting for someone else to love you before you love yourself, it makes it really hard to receive that love, right?
• 28:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, okay.
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: In the next episode, we're going to go around some tools for self-love.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's some great books that I want to give you.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's some monsters I want to give you.
• 28:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what I love for you to do is your homework, as I was just love here.
• 28:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't like reflect upon this.
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe listen to it again.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: What were the things that stood out in the self-love that surprised you?
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe you're like, oh, that's, that's where I'm struggling right now.
• 28:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would love to know.
• 28:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd love for you to share.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can share it at theapod.com.
• 28:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, questions.
• 28:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can bring it as a, you know, just share that.
• 28:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can leave it in a review.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can comment on this video on YouTube or on our Instagram because I would love to hear like what a part of self love is easy for you will part is a challenge for you and by the way my ADHD lady it is harder for us because
• 29:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: internalized negative feedback when with ADHD may have a lifetime of being misunderstood or criticized for symptoms leading them to believe that they are inherently flawed.
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so a lot of what with ADHD are diagnosed late at that all.
• 29:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so they're often like, there's like, oh my god, there's something wrong with me.
• 29:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't fit in the way people do.
• 29:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so they have a hard time with self love.
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: So hi, my ADHD ladies, this I wanted to make sure, you know, it can be harder for us, right?
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Blaming oneself for failures, like because there's a tendency to attribute failures to internal flaws and successes to luck, or external factors which damage itself a steam which makes it hard to have self-love.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a heightened sensitivity to rejection.
• 29:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So a moment with ADHD are often more highly sensitive to feedback or rejection, leading them to interpret things more negatively and personally I see you, and that means it's harder to have self-compassion, right?
• 29:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So
• 29:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then also, when with ADHD often go through a shame cycle, this sensitivity can lead to a cycle of shame and self-criticism making it difficult to accept strengths or celebrate achievements, which is why we have a Wednesday.
• 30:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: We win on Friday, like we have a Wednesday, win W-I-N-S-Day on purpose because I need that for me to keep having the self-love because it's hard for me, like it's hard for me to go with the ADHD with all that stuff, it's like we so hard to celebrate things until they're done.
• 30:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I purposely have this in place so that
• 30:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: There is a celebration of wins every single Friday for all of us so that we can have maybe we can get rid of that shame cycle, just a little bit, right, and have more ease and self-love.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then lastly, societal expectations.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So on top of what we talked about, societal expectations on women in general, combined with undiagnosed or late diagnosed agents and skinned lead to fillings of measuring up and harsh self-judgment, that harsh self-judgent as we know makes it hard to have self-love, self-compassion kind words.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're also amazing.
• 30:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have really hope that you guys are liking these little series.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: If there are other ones you'd topics you want us to bring up or guess what I'm bringing, please let us know right now what part of the self-love comes easy for you, what part is hard and then stay tuned to our next episode.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll go over some tools.
• 31:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks so much until next time.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be it Tase yet.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's all I got for this episode of The Beat Tell You See A Podcast.
• 31:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
• 31:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
• 31:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Beat Pot on Instagram.
• 31:24
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• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it.
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Help us and others be a tell you see it.
• 31:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Have an awesome day.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
• 31:38
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• 31:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
• 31:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
• 32:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by L.E.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: at Apex production music and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
• 32:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
• 32:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
• 32:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith route for keeping us all on point and on time.