Latest / Libido Lounge / Menopause Stole Her Brain — Not Just Her Drive with Andrea Donsky

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Menopause Stole Her Brain — Not Just Her Drive with Andrea Donsky · Libido Lounge

0:00
We know that forty percent of women in this phase of life are gaslit by a medical
0:04
professional.
0:05
Women don't have to suffer.
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It was hell.
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It was really, really tough.
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All of a sudden, you wake up one day and you're like, woah.
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Where is my old self?
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There are a 103 plus symptoms.
0:16
On average, women experience 31 different symptoms.
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Ninety percent of them are cognitive health, brain health, or mental health related.
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Ninety one percent of the the women who participated in this survey noticed a major
0:29
decrease in libido or sexual desire.
0:32
This affects everybody.
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It doesn't only affect the women.
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A lot of men are feeling like they're walking on eggshells.
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Hi, everyone.
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Welcome back to another episode on the Libido Lounge.
0:46
I'm really excited about today's guest.
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And as you heard in our intro, Andrea Donsky is an amazing nutritionist who's gone far beyond
0:56
what a lot of people do in their clinical career, which is that she's put together
1:00
research.
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And we're going to talk about that research today because it really is addressing
1:05
menopause, perimenopause.
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But men, we have something for you too because what we see is that men and women are affected
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by this stage of life.
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And what we see even more is that women, when they're affected or even men when they're
1:18
affected, it affects the couple.
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And I say this in so many areas of my work.
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Oftentimes when things get out of balance in health, they do not happen to the individual.
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They happen to the relationship.
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And so understanding yourself, understanding your partner, understanding what they're going
1:35
through, and understanding how to help yourself, help your partner, and help your
1:38
relationship as you navigate through life changes and through midlife changes, I think is
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so essential.
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So whether you're listening as a woman, whether you're listening as a man, whether you are in
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the stage of life of transition, or whether you are transitioning, like, to that stage
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eventually, there is something in here for you.
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So thank you so much, Andrea.
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It's so wonderful to be with you today.
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Thank you for having me, and I so agree with you.
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This is a conversation for everybody to be had.
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It's not just for the women who are going through it because as my research shows is that
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a lot of us were in long term relationships, and especially the people who the men who
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filled out our survey were in the relationships from ten plus, twenty plus years.
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So it affects them as well.
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So the conversation is so important to be had for both.
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It really is.
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And and we mentioned something offline that I wanted to mention here too, which is this idea
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of, like, medical gaslighting, right?
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Seen so much of this, and I know you have too.
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I'm thinking of a friend right now in this moment who now she's in her mid 50s, but she
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was telling me when she first started going through menopause type of symptoms and she went
2:51
to her doctor about it, she was told point blank, everybody goes through it.
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Suck it up.
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Like, literally, that's what her doctor said.
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And I about we were on the ski lift when she said this.
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I about fell off the ski lift with, like, her telling me the story of it because it was just
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it's, like, so severe around this thing around, like, you know, like, it's not that big of a
3:12
deal or you just gotta get through, like, such lack of support and understanding.
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So I I that's what I think your research with many things is good for, but one of them is
3:22
really helping people understand that this is very real.
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There's things that can be done and that you don't have to be gaslit anymore.
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So the gaslighting is very real.
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I have published research in this from December 2024 in the journal Menopause on doctor visits,
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And we know that forty percent of women in this phase of life are gaslit by a medical
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professional.
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And now, you know, I've I and we've I've heard all of it.
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You know, just deal with it.
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It's natural part of aging.
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There's nothing you can do to help.
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Like, it's just so not true anymore.
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Women don't have to suffer, and there is a lot we could be doing, especially now the research
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is showing even if we start younger in perimenopause as opposed to waiting once we
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have gone the full year, the three hundred and sixty five days without a period, that there's
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a lot we could do to help.
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Now my lane is nutrition, lifestyle, supplements, and my research, but there's also
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the option of hormones if that's what you choose to do.
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So we know and the conversation is so important because I feel like if it was men going through
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this, that they wouldn't be told that.
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Just deal with it.
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Or, like, they'd have they would have had all the solutions already.
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Right?
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So I just feel like it's an unfair thing to say for anybody to say to anyone, whether it's
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their doctor, health care professional, or a partner, a boss, like, it doesn't matter who it
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is to just deal with it because it is it's hard.
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And like so I'm a menopausal woman.
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I went through it.
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I was in perimenopause for fourteen years total of eleven of which I actually had no idea I was
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perimenopausal.
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And it was hell.
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It was really, really tough.
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And when you don't know what's going on with your body, and all of a sudden you wake up one
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day and you're like, woah, where is my old self?
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It's a very hard thing to navigate when, a, you don't know what's happening, and, b, you're
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being told, ah, it's in your head or just deal with it, or it's like minimizing how you're
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feeling, and that's just not okay.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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I'm going through it myself.
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I'm in perimenopause.
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I'm not fully menopausal yet, but I haven't had a menses now in three months.
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That's my longest one so far.
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We'll see if I make it all 12 or if I get another one.
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But it is.
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It's crazy.
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I remember my first hot flash, I was actually getting on a plane, and it was, like, like, the
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amount of intensity with it.
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It was like, you know, as soon as I could sit down, I was, like, in as few of clothes, and my
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pants rolled up, my socks off, like, you know, my shirt tucked up into my bra and like all of
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it.
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It's just it's so I mean, that's just one of so many symptoms.
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And that one in many ways, it's like the easiest one.
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It's not easy from a symptom, perspective, but it's easy from a standpoint of like, oh,
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there's so much knowledge around this that at least when women go through hot flashes, it's
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like usually there's a level of like, I wonder if this is happening.
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But so many times we're not making those connections.
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So tell us about like the initial let's kind of set the stage around like your research.
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Like what were the questions with your research?
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Like what were you trying to solve or learn?
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Walk us through kind of like the goals, the initial goals of what and what you solved by
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doing the study.
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Yeah.
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So I mean, to your point of, you know, we don't make the connection that we know is, you know,
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women are going to their doctors and their health care providers and saying, okay.
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So I have this symptom or that symptom.
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And a lot of the time, it'll take women anywhere seventy five percent of women have to
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see their doctor anywhere between two and five plus times before any connection is made.
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Because when we think about symptoms of perimenopause and menopause, like you said, the
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first thing that is generally connected to it are hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings,
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sleep issues.
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Like, these are very common and very well known symptoms that have that connection.
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And it was the connection that I made to make me realize, oh, wait a second.
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At 47, when I got my first hot flash, oh, wait.
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Maybe I'm in menopause.
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Like, I'd never even knew perimenopause existed, and that's when I first made that, oh,
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wait a second.
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Oh, okay.
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So maybe that's why I just had this intense in like, inferno in my body like you explained.
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It's like, whew, that, you know, that and I had it for many, many years.
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So what made me decide to wanna do the research was years ago, I was at a party with my
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husband, and we ran into an old friend of mine.
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And I we were kinda getting caught up on what we were doing, And I asked her what she was up
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to, and she said that she was creating an app for menopause symptoms.
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And at the time, I was like, an app?
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Like, don't you need a lot of symptoms?
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Like, I was one of those people that I thought,
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oh, wait.
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There's, five or six.
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Like, how many could there be?
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She's like, no.
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No, Andrea.
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There's, like, 34 to 40 different symptoms.
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And I was like, really?
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That's a lot of symptoms.
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I didn't even realize that there were that many.
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And she's like, yeah.
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Yeah.
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No.
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There are.
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So I was like, okay.
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And the way my body works, Diane, is like, literally came home that night, and I was like,
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I'm gonna create a document, and I'm gonna I'm gonna, like, start tracking what these symptoms
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are.
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And soon enough, I realized that there were way more than 34 to 40.
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There were about 80 to 85 different symptoms.
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And that's when I kinda thought, wait a minute.
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I've got this incredible community.
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I'm gonna go to my community and ask them what type of symptoms they're experiencing.
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This was, like, years apart.
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Anyways and I quickly learned that there are a 103 plus symptoms.
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So that's what made me decide to launch our first our first survey, which is our signs and
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symptoms survey, and that was published in December 2024 in the journal menopause.
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And we now know that it's old data to say that there are 34 or 40 symptoms.
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There are a 103 plus And the reason why this is so important is to your point of now we can
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validate women, and we can support women, and we could say, oh, okay.
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So maybe you have itchy ears.
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You've gone and you've got it you had everything checked out.
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No one can find a reason for it.
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Now let's look at it being a possible perimenopause or menopause symptom.
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Same thing with phantom smells.
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These are when you smell things that other people don't.
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I have them for many years.
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I had I had them checked out by several different doctors, and it always came back of
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we don't know what's going on.
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So now we know, okay, it can be a perimenopause or menopause symptom.
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So it gives us the vocabulary and the knowledge to be able to seek treatment options now that
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we have and we know that there are actually these could be symptoms of perimenopause and
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menopause.
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Yeah.
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It's so great too because when you're thinking of, you know, or saying things like phantom
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smells, I'm thinking about my own experience of I started having phantom smells right around
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the time that COVID was around.
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And so it was interesting, right, because we knew that people had loss of smells.
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But for me, it was like, oh, this I I was having this experience of, like, this smell
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that was very it was, almost like cigarettes mixed with burning metal is how I would
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describe it.
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Not if you're going to have a phantom smell, not a pleasurable one to have for sure.
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But what's interesting and why I think it's super important in your surveys is because so
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many times, there can be other explanations for these symptoms.
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Right?
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So if you also look at my history, that smell correlates perfectly with when my hormones
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started to change.
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So that, you know, it's like this whole idea of understanding and why I really encourage people
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to go take the survey is that it's so easy to have these symptoms and for your doctor, your
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care provider, even yourself to just, even if you're not being gaslit, to just go down
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another route and just be like, Well, this is an explanation or that's an explanation,
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without even considering perimenopause or menopause being the reason because of, like
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you're saying, like a lot of people think of the five to six or maybe even 35 to 40, but
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we're missing 60 or 70 of these types of symptoms that could be that.
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So really encourage everybody to go take that survey so you learn this, and we'll have that
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in the show notes for you.
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So what else did you find?
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What else once you did the survey, what tell us more about the findings.
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Yeah.
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So interestingly enough, we have a survey on phantom smell.
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So when you're saying that you were smelling things burning, it's actually the number one
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smell that women in perimenopause and menopause have.
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So something burning.
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Yeah.
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So I've so the reason why we launched our phantom smell survey was because it was one of
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my first symptoms, and I wanted to understand it better.
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So we now have, I think it's like almost 1,300 responses to the survey, and by far, over
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seventy percent of women say they smell something burning.
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So it could be cigarette smoke, cigars, campfire, burning metal.
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So you've said like what you're saying, it's very common.
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Burning electronics.
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So anything burning toast, burning cough, burned coffee, anything burning is a very
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common one.
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So that was something that I found super interesting that women, you know, they'll come
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up to me and they'll say, you know, oh, like, I have like this I I've called the gas, you know,
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the gas company.
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They've come in and, like, I've heard crazy stories about phantom smell.
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So that's why I'm very passionate about making that something that women know about because
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it's very scary.
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I And always like you said, like, some women have said they reported it around COVID.
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It could be allergies.
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Like, it could be different things.
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So that's why I'm always like, to your doctor, get your clean bill of health, and then come
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back and be like, okay.
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Now let's look at it possibly being a perimenopause symptom.
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The other thing that we found through our research, it's pretty fascinating.
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So there's quite a few things.
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Number one is that on average, women experience 31 different symptoms.
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So we're talking about not one or two different symptoms.
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We're talking about a large number of symptoms, which a lot of women are and this we're talking
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on average 31 different symptoms, which is a lot.
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We also know that the top 10 out of the top 10 most common symptoms, 90% of them are cognitive
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health, brain health, or mental health related.
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Ninety percent.
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That is something that when we saw the results from our survey for that, were like, woah.
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Like, think about physical symptoms, and it manifests physical symptoms manifest for women
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in menopause more so they do in perimenopause.
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Perimenopause is very much about the cognitive, the brain health related symptoms, the mental
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health symptoms.
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But that was a huge eye opener for us to be like, woah.
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Ninety percent, nine out of 10 of the top 10 most common symptoms are that are, like, mental
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health related.
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And that was, like, a huge eye opener for us.
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Yeah.
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I think it's a really important thing for people too because it's so often too, this time
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of life, midlife is usually one of the most chaotic times stress wise for people.
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A lot of people are still at the combination of being at the height of careers oftentimes,
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combined with still having children in the house of varying ages, and having done that for
13:36
years, oftentimes that combo.
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So I think it's very, very common for people from a standpoint of brain fog or where did I
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put my keys and those kind of things.
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I think it's very common for people to be like, Well, I'm just stressed.
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And it's like, Well, their stress could be worsening menopause and worsening periating
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could be part of
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the
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picture, but it's just kind of like we blame things on aging, or I'm like, Oh, I'm just
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getting old, or I'm just stressed.
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Oftentimes we're missing like a core, core piece of it.
14:01
Yeah, exactly.
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So and that's where the you know, even on you know, for ourselves, a lot of us will say, oh,
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like not even other people telling us, right, that we're stressed.
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We're making up excuses.
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And that's where it's like, oh, wait a second.
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Our hormones are changing.
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Maybe we can do something about it so that we don't have to suffer.
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Like, it's not just aging or it's not just stress.
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We do know, however, though, that stress and anxiety are very real for women in
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perimenopausal menopause.
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I have another survey that's published on that, that 66 of women are more stressed now than
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they were before they went got into perimenopause and menopause and were less able
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to cope with it.
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And that's true for women in general.
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We're definitely we feel the effects of stress a lot more so than men.
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And then once we go into menopause, we we feel it even way more.
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It's like, it's intense for some of us.
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Yeah.
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For sure.
14:50
For sure.
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I think, you know, one of the gifts that women have that is a gift, like every gift I think we
14:57
have is like it's you have your silver lining and then you have your dark side of it.
15:00
And one of the things I think we're so good at is multitasking is because women have this more
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diffuse awareness where we can take in so much information at one time versus the masculine
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brain, due to hormonal reasons and other is much more focused in orientation.
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And so I think for the woman who's used to multitasking and then with this change, all of
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a sudden all this information comes in, and it's almost too much for the brain to deal
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with.
15:27
And it's just so easy to get into that overwhelm.
15:31
Yeah.
15:31
Completely.
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And it's just that's where managing stress and learning things that help to mitigate that
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stress is really important, and doing what you can to help bring at bring down those stress
15:44
levels.
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Those cortisol levels are gonna make a big difference because chronic stress can lead to,
15:48
like, pain in your body.
15:49
Right?
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Inflammation, mood swings, depression, blood sugar issues, sleep issues, fatigue, low
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libido.
15:56
Like, it's all connected.
15:57
So doing what you can to manage stress is really important.
16:00
I agree.
16:01
And I want to talk about two things in particular.
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One, what you learned about with midlife in this time of life and libido and sexual health.
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And then two, what you learned about as far as like the man and the man, the relationship
16:16
component of things and what you have seen in your surveys and research around relationships.
16:21
So happy to start either place.
16:23
Yeah.
16:23
So, well, so the first one, let's talk about the libido one.
16:26
So I was published with Doctor.
16:28
James Simon.
16:29
He's actually a really well known sexual health doctor, gynecologist for more than forty years.
16:34
He's amazing.
16:35
And he's my co author, and we were published on libido and perimenopause and menopause in the
16:40
December 2025 issue of the journal Menopause.
16:43
And what we found is that ninety one percent of the the women who participated in this survey
16:49
noticed a major decrease in libido or sexual desire, and sixty six percent noticed a
16:56
reduction in their ability to achieve orgasm.
16:59
So and when we actually stratified it by menopausal status, we found that women in
17:04
menopause were even more so than women in perimenopause to have low libido.
17:08
Mhmm.
17:08
So that was a big eye opener for us.
17:11
And then and I mean, not really because we do know that it's it's the number six most common
17:15
symptom on the list of a 103.
17:17
So it's up there within the top 10.
17:19
So it's a very real issue.
17:21
And what we also found is that we ask women if they're talking to other people about it.
17:26
Like, they sharing how they're feeling?
17:28
And we know that health care providers, seventy six percent or seventy seven percent of women
17:33
are sharing it with their doctors, and then their partners or spouses about seventy two
17:38
percent.
17:38
And then it drops
17:39
than I would have thought.
17:41
Yeah.
17:41
So then from there, which is interesting, it drops off significantly to about forty five
17:45
percent that they share it with friends.
17:47
So that just shows you the amount of, you know, the the importance for doctors and partners to
17:53
understand what's happening so that they can help them because they're the first two people
17:57
that they're being spoken to about it.
17:58
Right.
17:59
And maybe the only people in over 50% of the time, it sounds like.
18:04
Yeah.
18:05
Okay.
18:05
Then did you learn anything else about men specifically, or is it more just focused on the
18:10
relationship side of things?
18:11
So in this survey in particular, I have another survey that I was published in on for men's
18:16
perspective of menopause.
18:17
But in this survey, this was more so the women's perspective and understanding what
18:22
they're going through and how they're feeling.
18:24
Interestingly enough, about, you know, for those who were when they shared how they were
18:29
feeling, the responses that they got from the people that they were sharing it sharing it
18:33
with were told the number one thing they were given to do was saying to use lubrication.
18:39
So that was interesting in terms of like how to help them.
18:41
So using lubrication, hormone therapy other than vaginal estrogen was a big one.
18:47
And then also twenty two about twenty two percent were told to engage in sexual activity
18:52
regardless of desire, kind of framed like it's their marital duty, which we thought was really
18:57
interesting.
18:58
And then about eighteen percent were prescribed antidepressants.
19:01
And then, you know, from there, women were advised to go on dates with their partners or
19:05
spouses, were told to use a vibrator, were told to use it or lose it, and were encouraged to
19:10
try supplements.
19:11
So like there were different pieces of advice that were given, but using lubrication was the
19:15
number one.
19:16
That's really interesting.
19:17
I'm curious, like, did your survey look at, like, more details around, like, how this stuff
19:24
was set at all?
19:25
Was it simply and it might not have gone into that detail, but, you know, very because it's a
19:30
very different thing to have a conversation with somebody and like, hey.
19:33
Use some lubricant and give, like, a long explanation and talk about how this could still
19:38
be part of the lovemaking and, you know, how to frame it to your partner and talk to your
19:43
partner and different lubes to use and where you can still make it sexy and foreplay.
19:47
And there's like so many ways we can actually like turn this into a real education, event.
19:53
But my guess, it was more like just lose some use some lube and kind of it.
19:56
Was it do you know?
19:57
Was it like quick answers like that?
19:59
I wanted
19:59
to take a quick break from our podcast to say, did you know that arousal and desire are
20:05
different for women and men?
20:07
Many women think they are no longer interested in sex, for example, because they are waiting
20:13
for their brain to think about having sex when they need to get into their body first.
20:19
So often, we think we are sexually incompatible or there's desire discrepancy simply because we
20:26
do not know the differences in how men's and women's brains are programmed around sex and
20:33
how to work them to our advantage.
20:36
In addition, communication breakdown, busyness, habits, routines, boredom, lack of novelty, and
20:42
so many things drive people to have passion less or less passionate long term relationships
20:52
than they used to have.
20:53
This is fixable.
20:55
And I show you how to do all of this and more in my hot monogamy society.
21:01
You can find links in the show notes below.
21:04
I hope you will join me to discover and explore how to bring passion back.
21:10
And you can do this as a couple, but know that even if it is just one of you that is
21:16
interested in joining us, there's so much magic that can happen, so much change and improvement
21:23
by one person taking the initiative to bring passion back into the relationship.
21:30
Now, let's get back to our episode.
21:32
Yeah.
21:32
So it was quick answers, but it's interesting that you say that because when I interviewed
21:35
doctor Simon from my podcast after we were published, he had a he had a very similar, I
21:41
guess, way of looking of looking at it that you did.
21:44
And he was like because when we first heard about it, we have another coauthor.
21:47
Her name is Marcella.
21:48
She we were like, use lubrication.
21:49
Like, that's just like, you know, just do it kind of like anyways.
21:52
But he his take was your take in the sense of, well, this is a way that we can actually do it
21:58
to help the woman and the couple, you know, feel better about it.
22:02
And because vaginal dryness is such a major issue for women, that that is one of the big
22:07
reasons that they're avoiding sex altogether was is because it's painful.
22:11
It hurts.
22:11
Right?
22:12
So his take was kind of coming from that more of a positive look at it as opposed to just,
22:17
like, use lube and just do it anyways kind of thing.
22:20
Yeah.
22:20
So but, no, we didn't look into it.
22:22
But I do feel like it's it's an important thing to address because of the fact that it can feel
22:27
like glass.
22:28
Right?
22:28
Like, vaginal dryness is such a major issue.
22:30
I mean, it was one of my major issues.
22:32
I Same.
22:33
Get it.
22:33
Yeah.
22:34
Same.
22:34
And it does not feel like sandpaper sex is, like, definitely cancels it.
22:39
Yeah.
22:40
It's
22:40
pretty brutal for sure.
22:42
So, okay.
22:43
So then did you look at I know you, in your work, you do a lot as far as solutions and
22:48
lifestyle and that sort of thing.
22:50
Did you guys cover that in your surveys and your research at all?
22:53
Was the surveys more focused on just kind of understanding the problems that sort of thing.
22:59
It was more an understanding what the problems were.
23:01
And then in terms of the solutions, I talked to Doctor.
23:04
James Simon in-depth about that on our podcast.
23:07
And I'm sure you have a lot of advice for that too.
23:09
Yeah.
23:10
But I want to hear from you.
23:11
So tell us a little bit.
23:12
So for your standpoint of, like, your, you know, people that come to see you and clients,
23:17
like, what are your do you have top, like, tips and tricks to tell us about?
23:21
Well, I think, I mean, I'm not a practicing practitioner, but from what I, you know, what I
23:27
understand and from the women and from personal experience, the biggest thing would be
23:31
something like vaginal estrogen can be very helpful.
23:35
And I know that that's very much out there right now.
23:37
A lot of people talking about it.
23:38
There's another product that has a DHEA base called Jelva that I really like that you could
23:43
use that as well.
23:44
Yeah.
23:44
I'm a big fan of Anna Kabeka's.
23:46
Same thing.
23:46
Yeah.
23:47
She's amazing.
23:48
So there are things definitely like hyaluronic acid, vaginal moisturizer, like things like
23:52
that that can help.
23:53
Doctor doctor Simon was talking about certain medications that can help from a, you know,
23:58
standpoint of getting your libido back.
24:00
I always say too, for me, understanding your blood work is really important.
24:05
So for example, like if your thyroid is on the low side, you know, sex is probably the last
24:11
thing you want to be thinking about.
24:12
So go to your doctor, get your vitamin d levels checked.
24:15
So we know the number one symptom of perimenopause and menopause across the board,
24:19
with more than seventy two percent of women experiencing it, is fatigue, exhaustion.
24:23
So if you're tired, well, let's go to let's look at the low hanging fruit.
24:27
It could it be that your levels of vitamin d are really low?
24:30
Could it be your thyroid is out of whack?
24:32
Maybe you need to have you know, maybe you're hypothyroid.
24:34
Right?
24:35
Have hypothyroidism.
24:37
Maybe your b 12 is low.
24:38
Maybe your iron is low.
24:40
So these these are important blood markers that I say go to your doctor, get it checked out,
24:45
because if those are low hanging fruit, that could be one of the reasons maybe you're
24:49
exhausted and not in the mood, and maybe that can help now.
24:51
So there are different things that you could look at that can help.
24:55
Now, obviously, it's actually interesting because in my book, which comes, you know,
24:59
which comes out May 5, is we talk a lot about that.
25:02
I talk about libido with doctor Faye Weisberg.
25:05
She's she's an OBGYN, and she helps women with laser rejuvenation for the vaginal tissues,
25:11
vaginal area, and women who have lichen sclerosus or different things that are
25:15
happening in the vaginal area.
25:17
So there are different things, modalities that you can get help with depending what your issue
25:22
is.
25:22
So if it's the fatigue, look into the blood work.
25:25
If it's actual, like, vaginal dryness, look into the things that we discussed.
25:29
Right?
25:29
And then there's the whole mindset.
25:30
Right?
25:30
The whole mental health part of it.
25:32
Like, a lot of women are gaining weight in this phase of life.
25:34
We're not feeling good.
25:35
Our our, you know, the way we feel about ourself, our self esteem has plummeted.
25:40
So there it's so multifactorial, which is something I know that you talk about all the
25:44
time.
25:45
Like, it's not just one thing.
25:46
There's so many things that are affecting our sexual desire, our ability to orgasm, and all
25:52
of that, that it it sometimes it takes more than just one thing.
25:55
It takes a few different things to look into.
25:57
Yeah.
25:57
And I wanna make sure to take a moment.
25:59
I'm gonna comment on all of that.
26:00
I wanna make sure take a moment, though, and tell everybody about one of my favorite
26:05
strategies for this, which is the penis and the clitoral pump.
26:08
So a lot of people aren't really like, don't even realize that just like men who need blood
26:13
flow to their penis, which does often, like, start to decline with age naturally.
26:18
Almost every man's going to experience a level of erectile dysfunction if he lives long
26:22
enough.
26:22
But the same thing's for the female, for the clitoris, for the vagina, for all of the female
26:27
genitalia, is that we need blood flow too.
26:30
Part of sandpaper sex can be all these things we're talking about, hormones and etcetera, but
26:35
it can also be blood flow.
26:36
And so the reason I love these pumps from doctor Joel Kaplan is there's tons of sizes.
26:40
I just have two here for the video.
26:43
But what he does is he he helps to measure, and he has a system online where you measure
26:47
yourself, and you're measuring for what size you need.
26:51
And what that does is a lot of the other products on there use like this gasket at the
26:56
bottom, which will acutely help with blood flow, but chronically actually put pressure on
27:02
the area that is the vasculature to the genitalia, and that actually causes a long term
27:09
reduction in blood flow.
27:10
So acutely can fix it, but chronically can cause more problems.
27:13
But when you get ones that fit exactly for you, not only have they been researched for acute
27:20
problems, but they've also been researched for chronic problems to really help restoring that
27:24
blood flow both to the penis as well as to the vagina and clitoris for women.
27:29
So everybody, you can find information about that in my show notes below as far as coupon
27:34
codes and everything you need.
27:36
You know, but back to kind of what you're talking about here and like thinking about,
27:40
okay, solutions and ideas.
27:41
I love your advice on like, hey, go, you know, we got to get the blood work done.
27:45
We got to look at some of these basics around these conditions that tend to be out of balance
27:50
around the midlife time like the thyroid.
27:54
I want to know a little bit more about your book and, like, like, what is what kind of
27:59
things are in your book?
28:00
What are you discussing, like, the surveys in more detail?
28:03
Are you discussing, like, more solutions?
28:05
What's all happening in your book?
28:06
Yeah.
28:07
Thank you for asking.
28:08
So the book covers everything in my lane, which is nutrition, lifestyle, supplements, my own
28:12
research.
28:13
And so chapter there's the intro chapter, which really goes through the different stages
28:18
because we know according to our research as well is about twenty percent of women don't
28:22
know what stage they're in.
28:23
They don't know if they're in perimenopause.
28:24
They don't know if they're menopause and postmenopause.
28:26
And I kind of go into a little bit of definitions because it's really important that
28:31
we set the stage to understand what's happening.
28:33
Because once you know, then you can kind of decide what treatment option you want to go
28:37
for.
28:38
Then chapter two is all about my research.
28:40
So I talk about our signs and symptoms research.
28:42
I talk about our our anxiety, and I also talk about our sleep research because sleep is the
28:47
third most common symptom, and I go into why we're not sleeping.
28:50
So again, all published research.
28:51
Then chapter three talks all about symptoms, all the different.
28:55
I don't just list the symptoms.
28:56
I literally dive deep into the different ones, why they're happening, and we group them
29:00
together and explain why they're happening so you can actually do something about it.
29:05
And then we also talk about sleep.
29:07
I talk about the nervous system.
29:08
I talk about why we gain weight.
29:10
There are 17 different reasons we gain weight in perimenopause and menopause.
29:14
17 different reasons.
29:16
You don't hear that anywhere else.
29:17
No.
29:18
No.
29:18
You don't.
29:19
And the reason I talked about it, and I'm very sensitive how I talk about it.
29:22
I mean, I'm a Gen Xer, and I grew up in the era of don't eat any fat and make sure, you know,
29:26
you're watching every calorie that you put in your mouth.
29:28
Right?
29:29
Like Yeah.
29:29
So I wanted to be very sensitive in talking about it because a, it's a very real issue for
29:36
women.
29:36
It is the one of the top reasons when it comes to quality of life that women are just not
29:40
feeling good about themselves.
29:42
So I wanted to talk about it openly, but from a point of view as, okay, what can we do it?
29:47
Here's what's happening to our body physiologically.
29:49
Here's why we're gaining weight, all the 17 different reasons, and here are things that we
29:53
can do to help it.
29:54
And I and I also want women because a lot of us, including me, when I was gaining weight, I
29:59
gained 20 pounds in perimenopause.
30:01
When I was gaining weight, I was like, oh, it's me.
30:03
It has to be me.
30:04
I'm not eating properly.
30:05
I'm not exercising enough.
30:06
Like, was very hard on myself.
30:08
And it's one thing I want women to take away from my book is it's not a it's not you being
30:13
hard.
30:13
Like, I don't want you to be hard on yourselves.
30:15
It is not your fault.
30:16
There are things going on in your body.
30:18
It is a full body shift that is happening in your body in perimenopause and menopause.
30:23
So I don't want women to ever blame themselves for anything because I did for so long.
30:27
And especially because I was a nutritionist in the health and wellness space, I was even 10
30:31
times harder on myself.
30:32
So I just don't want anyone to blame themselves for anything.
30:36
And then I talk about nutrition, a lot about nutrition.
30:38
I have three chapters on nutrition, on how to eat, what macros to go for.
30:43
You know, here's the interesting thing.
30:45
When I was in perimenopause, because I didn't know what was happening to my body, once I
30:50
realized what was going on, I had to relearn a lot of things.
30:54
And that's the key for this book is I relearned so many things that I thought I knew.
31:00
And in in relearning, I now teach everyone who's reading my book everything that I learned
31:06
because I went through it.
31:07
I'm I'm in menopause myself.
31:09
I've been in menopause now six years.
31:10
Like, I've been through it.
31:12
I was in perimenopause for fourteen years, like I said.
31:14
So, like, I have been down the same journey that so many of you are in, and I relearned it
31:20
all.
31:20
So you don't have to spend the years learning the what the amount of time and money and
31:25
effort and just everything that I went through, I done the work for you, so you don't have to
31:30
spend the time doing it.
31:31
All you have to do is read it and then adapt what works for you, and that's the key.
31:36
And I also have a whole chapter on exercise.
31:38
So it's like we have to like, that's another thing we have to relearn.
31:41
And when you were on my podcast, you said something that I absolutely loved.
31:45
And you had talked because I was talking about relearning things, and you were like, we also
31:49
have to relearn sex.
31:50
Yeah.
31:51
And I was I've I've repeated that so many times.
31:53
I'm like, I love that you said that.
31:55
It was so great because it wasn't something that I was, like, talking about.
31:59
I'm like, we have to relearn exercise.
32:00
We have to relearn nutrition.
32:01
We have to relearn, you know you know, how we manage stress, but we also have to relearn sex.
32:06
We do.
32:07
It's so great that you said that.
32:08
So thank you for that, by the way.
32:10
Oh, my pleasure.
32:11
And I I just I love how much you emphasize the relearning because I think it's so easy to just
32:16
get to this point in our life, right, in our forties and fifties, and they're like, well,
32:20
we've been in these bodies a long time, and it just feels like we should know our body.
32:25
And that's, I think, the biggest thing is with this transition for women as well as men,
32:30
because of andropause and changes in hormones for them and changes in all sorts of
32:34
neurochemical and signaling molecules in their body, we all have to relearn.
32:40
These are not the same bodies in our 40s and 50s that they are in our teens and 20s and 30s.
32:44
And I think high level people get that.
32:48
Right?
32:48
High level people might understand like, oh, yeah.
32:50
I can't, you know, have alcohol like I could back then.
32:52
I can't miss sleep like I could back then.
32:55
So, you know, high level, I think there's a level of, like, people understanding that in
32:59
little ways it shows up in their lives.
33:01
But I I love your emphasis on this around, like, it really is.
33:06
We are relearning, like, the entirety in many ways of lifestyle and what it is like to be in
33:11
this new body, this new version of ourselves.
33:14
And so I'm wondering in thinking about supplements and nutrition.
33:20
I know you mentioned you love DHEA, and I know you're not in the clinical world on some of
33:26
this.
33:26
But from your research, if you were to say besides DHEA with what you've seen and what you
33:32
wrote on in your book, is there one nutrient that you say that you could specify besides
33:37
that, that you're like, oh, yeah.
33:38
This is what you see coming up as one of the most strongest things that is needed in your
33:43
research?
33:43
Have you found anything like that?
33:45
Oh, yeah.
33:45
So supplements is is my jam.
33:47
So I am I spend a lot of time researching ingredients for supplements.
33:51
So DHA is a hormone, so that's more in like the hormonal world.
33:55
From a supplement standpoint or nutrient standpoint, absolutely.
33:58
So I always say that there are three nutrients that we need in perimenopause and menopause
34:03
that are nonnegotiables.
34:05
Number one is magnesium.
34:07
Number two is fish oil or omega threes, and number three is fiber.
34:10
And we need those for so many different reasons.
34:13
Number one, magnesium is because we're more stressed now than we were before, when we're
34:19
stressed, we deplete magnesium from our body.
34:22
When magnesium is depleted, we become more stressed.
34:24
So it's so important for our nervous system.
34:27
Magnesium is also really great for helping with sleep.
34:30
So magnesium bisglycinate, I absolutely love it.
34:32
There's so many different types of magnesium you could take, but I love bisglycinate just
34:36
because I kind of look at it with the as the magnesium with the red cape.
34:39
It's that superhero, and it helps with sleep.
34:43
When you take it before bed, it has the amino acid glycine that helps us to relax into sleep.
34:48
Magnesium is also crucial for brain health.
34:50
We need it.
34:51
We know the research shows now that women who have with cognitive decline have lower levels
34:56
of magnesium than those without it.
34:58
So it is a nonnegotiable.
35:00
Absolutely not.
35:01
And it's responsible for over 600 enzymatic functions in our body processes in our body.
35:06
Nonnegotiable.
35:07
And we don't get enough from our food because our soil is depleted of magnesium and many
35:12
minerals, but also our digestive system changes and shifts as we go into perimenopause and
35:17
menopause, and we may not absorb as much of it.
35:19
So we need a good amount of magnesium.
35:21
And the research for the magnesium for brain health was on five hundred and fifty
35:25
milligrams.
35:26
The RDA for a magnesium supplement is 300 and So we need to make sure that we are getting it
35:31
from our food, our leafy greens, our salmon, our avocados, like making sure you're eating
35:36
your magnesium rich foods and also taking it as a as a therapeutic dosage in a supplement form.
35:43
Fiber, really crucial because most of us are not even going to the bathroom like once a day.
35:48
We need to make sure and most of us aren't getting even 50% of the fiber we need.
35:52
We need about twenty five to thirty grams a day.
35:54
Making sure we're getting enough fiber helps to get rid of metabolized hormones, undigested
35:58
food, things our body no longer needs, and going to the bathroom once a day is really
36:03
crucial.
36:04
So if you're not going to the bathroom once a day, and even if you are, you still need fiber.
36:07
Like, you still like, I've had women who say, I don't need to take fiber.
36:10
You know, I go to the bathroom at least once a day or once every couple days.
36:13
I'm like, it doesn't matter.
36:14
Fiber also helps you absorb your nutrients better.
36:17
It also helps it acts like a broom in the body, like your insoluble fiber when you're getting
36:21
that from your food.
36:23
Soluble fiber can help prebiotic soluble fiber can help to feed the good bacteria in your gut.
36:29
That good bacteria is really important.
36:31
You want the a nice ratio of that beneficial bacteria because that's what helps our immune
36:37
system.
36:37
It helps with mood.
36:38
It helps with so many different things.
36:40
So we want to make sure we're getting enough, enough fiber, and then omega threes are really
36:45
important also.
36:46
Brain, hair, skin, heart, sleep, like, you name it.
36:49
So those are my top three that I spend a lot of time researching.
36:53
I love it, and I want our listeners to know too on magnesium.
36:58
Do not rely on your standard blood panels for your magnesium levels because what we see is
37:04
for so many people, your intracellular levels, the levels of magnesium that's inside your
37:08
cell, is dramatically different than what is in your blood.
37:14
So if you are testing, it's really important to work with a clinician who's actually testing
37:19
your intracellular levels.
37:21
And because what I see so many times when it comes to things like magnesium, some of our
37:25
basic nutrients is people run their standard panels.
37:28
I'm like, well, you know, I know I listened
37:30
to this podcast and Andrea said
37:31
I need it, but I also have this blood work that says, no, I'm good, so I won't, you know, do
37:35
that.
37:35
And, none of us, I think, want to take supplements unnecessarily.
37:40
But if you're doing this from a medical perspective, just make sure you're actually
37:43
getting those intracellular levels run because otherwise you could have very mixed messages on
37:49
what your body actually needs.
37:51
Only 1% of magnesium is in our blood.
37:53
So you're wasting your time and your money, to be honest, like measuring it unless you
37:57
absolutely have to.
37:58
Like, you will know first of all, we all need more magnesium.
38:01
Like, I'm just gonna say that.
38:03
Like, you we all need more magnesium.
38:05
And if you you're you'll know if your body needs more magnesium as well.
38:09
Like, you might get eye twitches or restless legs or heart palpitations.
38:13
Now it could be other things as well, but I know myself.
38:15
As soon as if I'm, like, super stressed or I need more magnesium or I'm not getting enough,
38:19
like, I need a certain amount of magnesium a day.
38:21
When I don't get it, I will feel it.
38:23
My legs will start to cramp up or my eye, my left eye will start to twitch.
38:28
So my body will tell me I need more.
38:30
But regardless, we all need more magnesium.
38:33
Yeah.
38:33
I agree.
38:33
We burn through it so much when we're stressed, so super important.
38:36
What about macros?
38:38
So as far as that part of what you've learned about this time of life, macros, diet, I know
38:44
you cover it a lot in your book, but any, like, high level advice from the diet perspective you
38:49
could share?
38:49
Yeah.
38:50
So we wanna make sure that we are getting enough protein.
38:53
That's really important.
38:55
So I actually have a formula in chapter 11 that talks about how to figure out what your macros
38:59
are for perimenopause and menopause.
39:02
And, you know, getting enough fiber like I talked about was really important as well.
39:06
And then your carbohydrates.
39:07
Like, what type of carbohydrates do we wanna be eating now?
39:10
And and everybody's really different when it comes to carbohydrates.
39:13
Like, some women can have more than others.
39:16
So you're just listening to your body depending.
39:18
We need carbohydrates because we need it for sleep and for our thyroid health and for
39:21
different things.
39:22
So it is important that we get enough of them, but the type of carbohydrates we get are really
39:27
key.
39:27
And then how much are we eating in a day?
39:30
So these are just things to keep in mind, especially if your energy levels are low or
39:34
you're looking at from a weight perspective.
39:36
So I go deep into that in chapter 11.
39:38
I actually have something called the balance blueprint in chapter 11, which is what I've
39:42
relearned to say, okay, as a nutritionist for more than twenty years and and actually, the
39:48
woman who wrote the book with me, her name is Lisa Sacco, has also been she's been a
39:51
practicing nutritionist for thirty years.
39:54
And we wrote this together, chapter 11.
39:57
And what we found was there are seven principles that we need to look at as we go
40:02
into perimenopause and menopause.
40:03
So balancing blood sugar levels, adding more fiber, loading up on protein, it's called the
40:08
balance, adding good quality fats like those omega threes, nurturing digestion, choosing
40:12
more plants, and ensuring you're hydrated.
40:14
Those are the seven principles that we should be always looking at in terms of how do we look
40:20
at ourselves now that we're in perimenopausal menopause, and how do we look to eating?
40:24
How are we getting those macros?
40:26
So I break it we break it down in a really simple way that isn't overwhelming by any
40:31
means.
40:32
And we also say that you are the captain of your own ship.
40:35
Listen to your body.
40:36
I don't care what anybody tells you to do or not to do.
40:39
At the end of the day, it's your body.
40:41
You listen to yourself and make the decision that's best for you and the body, the vessel
40:46
that you live in.
40:47
Yeah.
40:48
I think that's such good advice.
40:49
Like, I I think so many people are out there preaching this, okay.
40:53
This is the one best diet.
40:55
Right?
40:55
And that nothing drives me more crazy than, like, you know, we have some principles, like,
41:00
you know, eat anti inflammatory foods.
41:02
Make sure you get enough protein, like you said, like, you know, fiber.
41:06
Like, there's some general principles that I think are pretty universal.
41:10
But as far as the details around, okay, what is the specific, you know, fat protein carb ratio
41:16
for you and that sort of thing, that is gonna be a little bit individualized.
41:21
And and it does change.
41:23
Like, I've seen too many women in particular at this time of life that do, like, a ketosis.
41:29
A keto.
41:30
A keto diet.
41:32
And in the keto or not keto, it's a ketogenic diet.
41:35
And in the keto diet, so many women I've seen, like, blood work hormones crash.
41:40
They get super wacky.
41:42
Their thyroid gets out of balance.
41:43
They gain even more weight.
41:46
Stereotypically, I've actually seen men do way better than women on the keto diet.
41:52
But of course, that's not across the board.
41:54
So point being, there are also women that I know do okay on that.
41:58
So there is a bio individuality, and I just really appreciate that you and your work focus
42:03
so much on the rules and the principles, but also emphasize listen to your body because I
42:08
think that's just the most essential advice.
42:11
Oh, yeah.
42:12
I'm very passionate about that because everyone's an expert.
42:15
Right?
42:15
Everyone thinks they're an expert, but at the end of the day, you're the expert.
42:18
Nobody So else is the you have to decide what's best.
42:21
And, yeah, their general principles to me are eating whole foods and making sure that we're
42:26
getting enough hydration, like all the things or the balanced blueprint.
42:29
I mean, these are general principles that I don't think everyone's like, woah.
42:33
I never thought of that.
42:34
I mean, these are what to look at in terms of guidelines, and then I go through why each one
42:39
is important.
42:40
And and here's the thing too.
42:41
Why it's important now in particular in perimenopause and menopause is very different
42:46
as to why it was important before we got here.
42:49
And the one thing about me, Diana, is like I just as an educator and a researcher, I want
42:54
everyone to understand what's happening to their body because people can tell you what to
43:00
do, but you have to understand because it's your body that you're living in.
43:03
So like you understanding why are you taking a particular supplement or why are you eating
43:07
this particular food?
43:09
Yeah.
43:10
I mean, we're all busy and we all have a lot going on, but I want to empower you.
43:15
Because at the end of the day, I want you to understand why you're doing something.
43:19
Because when you understand how to do something or what you're understanding why it is
43:22
something can help you or maybe not help you, then you can make the decision that's best for
43:27
you.
43:27
Because understanding like, I I've seen women who've showed me their their cupboards and be
43:31
like, okay.
43:32
I'm taking, a thousand supplements.
43:34
And I'm like, no.
43:35
I don't want you to take it.
43:36
Why are you taking it?
43:36
I don't know.
43:37
Someone told me to.
43:37
I'm like, don't take a thousand things.
43:39
Take what you need now.
43:41
Because believe me, I I am I have a supplement company.
43:44
I am all over supplements.
43:45
I 1000% believe we need to take supplements, but you can't out supplement for nutrition.
43:51
Right.
43:52
And you want to take supplements for us now.
43:54
Like, would take supplements that maybe have been great for me before perimenopause or
43:58
menopause, but now it's going to hit differently.
44:01
So that's why I spend my time researching because I want you to take what's going to be
44:04
good for your body in this phase of life, not where you're coming from.
44:08
Exactly.
44:09
Couldn't have said it better myself.
44:11
What have we not said today that you want to conclude with?
44:14
Is there anything that we left out that you think is super important to say?
44:17
I think just from the perspectives of men and their you know, how do they look at like, for
44:22
to help them when it comes to their partners in perimenopause and menopause.
44:25
So I did a talk in front of a thousand people.
44:28
And afterwards, someone a guy came over to me, and he was like, I need your help, Andrea.
44:32
And he's like, my wife won't even acknowledge that she's in perimenopause.
44:36
I know she is.
44:37
It's destroying my marriage.
44:38
What can I do?
44:39
And at that point, I was like, you know what?
44:41
I'm going to launch a survey to help understand what's what are men's perspective?
44:45
Like, what are they going through?
44:46
Because like we talked about kind of full circle moment is that this affects everybody.
44:51
It doesn't only affect the women.
44:53
And, yes, men can have andropause like you alluded to before, but at the end of the day, a
44:57
woman going through perimenopause and menopause is going to affect the relationship, and we saw
45:01
that, the impact in our research.
45:03
We know that it's it's a huge impact on relationships.
45:07
So understanding so men when when we ask men kind of like how are they feeling when their
45:12
wives are going through this, I launched this in honor of that man who came up to me.
45:16
And what we found is that a lot of men are feeling like they're walking on eggshells.
45:21
They're feeling that they're not loved.
45:22
They're feeling they're just in the way.
45:24
They're trying to do what they can to help their partners, but they just don't know what
45:28
to do.
45:29
And that was a big eye opener for us in the sense of the men, their partners I mean, sure,
45:34
there's a whole bunch of partners of like, go get a younger wife and, you know, like you have
45:37
those when you post on social media.
45:39
You have, you know, people that come out with their comments.
45:41
But for the most part, the men were definitely wanted to help, and they wanted to make a
45:46
difference.
45:46
They just didn't know how.
45:48
And that's why my book so for any men, if you're listening, get the book because the book
45:55
get it for yourself and get it for your wife or your partner because it's going to make a
45:59
difference.
45:59
It's going to explain a lot.
46:01
And I even quote, I have a whole chapter on mindset, which we didn't even talk about.
46:05
I have a whole chapter on chapter 12 is just on mindset and understanding what's happening in
46:11
relationships, understanding how to talk to each other.
46:14
And I do say that it's up to both the women and the men, the partners, both partners, to have
46:19
that open dialogue and to have that open communication and to have the vocabulary, which
46:24
is what my book provides.
46:26
It's the book I wish I had when I was going through it.
46:29
Right?
46:29
Having the words, having the vocabulary will make it that much easier to get through this
46:35
stage that you're in that you might be finding very difficult right now.
46:39
Yeah.
46:39
Thank you.
46:40
Love every every ounce of this conversation.
46:43
I hope you guys will get Andrea's book.
46:45
It just came out, so make sure you go into the show notes and get that.
46:49
And then also, really go take this survey that she gave, you know, gave as well.
46:53
So that's a totally free survey, and I think it's just going to give you such a good
46:57
awareness of the big picture of this and definitely serve as a starting point also to
47:02
how to of how to talk about this because now you're gonna recognize these things, you know,
47:06
in yourself and your partner, and you can have a, you know, productive conversation on this as
47:11
well.
47:12
I wanna make sure that people know about some of your other offerings.
47:15
We'll have everything again in the show notes.
47:17
But what else did you wanna let people know about as far as other offerings of yours?
47:21
Well, if they wanna download the list of a 103 plus symptoms, then they can you can definitely
47:26
do that.
47:26
The link is in the show notes, and then that will help women just know like, okay, so here's
47:31
and and the list is it's also in the book, but it's a PDF that you could download that has
47:36
little boxes next to it that your partner or if you're a woman, you're listening right now, you
47:41
could tick them off and then bring them to your doctor.
47:43
And then you could be like so it just saves you so much time.
47:46
It empowers you when you're going to your health care provider or your doctor to be like,
47:50
this is how I'm feeling.
47:51
This is my body, and these are the symptoms that I'm going through.
47:55
So you can definitely download that PDF just to make it easy for yourself.
47:59
Amazing.
47:59
Thank you so much for your time, everybody.
48:01
I hope you will go get this book, these resources.
48:04
Make sure you are not subscribed yet.
48:06
You subscribe so that you don't miss a single episode we put out.
48:09
We put these out weekly every Thursday.
48:12
So thank you again for listening.
48:14
Thank you, Andrea, for being here, and we'll see you all really soon on another episode of
48:19
the Libido Lounge.
48:23
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
48:25
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48:27
Please share this with your friends.
48:29
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.