Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Are we actually happy? Ashy breaks down..😢 The things we WISH to change.. (It’s not what you think) !!!!

Transcript

Are we actually happy? Ashy breaks down..😢 The things we WISH to change.. (It’s not what you think) !!!! · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogay Production.
0:10
Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley and I'm Tiana.
0:14
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
0:17
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:30
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to a Wednesday episode where I'm
0:33
Speaker 1: gonna ask lovely Tiana a bunch of questions and I'm
0:36
Speaker 1: also going to answer them.
0:37
Speaker 2: But the trick is she doesn't know what I'm gonna
0:39
Speaker 2: ask her. I am low key terrified.
0:41
Speaker 1: No, they're not scary questions. They're just really deep questions.
0:44
Speaker 1: And one of them was actually inspired by Taj, which
0:46
Speaker 1: we'll do at the end, because he asked me this
0:48
Speaker 1: last week and that's what kind of sparked the idea
0:51
Speaker 1: of this episode. Some to ask some deep questions because
0:53
Speaker 1: I just love hearing your perspective on things. And also,
0:56
Speaker 1: you guys listening, think about what you would answer because
0:59
Speaker 1: it helps get clarity. Do were you're at, what you're
1:01
Speaker 1: wanting maybe what's not serving you just gonna be a fun,
1:04
Speaker 1: more deeper episode.
1:05
Speaker 2: I love it all right.
1:06
Speaker 1: First question, if there is one thing that you could
1:10
Speaker 1: change from your past, what would it be and why I.
1:13
Speaker 2: Wouldn't go back and change anything. There's nothing that really
1:16
Speaker 2: comes to mind, because when I look at my journey
1:19
Speaker 2: and the woman that I am today, if I didn't
1:21
Speaker 2: have to go through the things that I went through,
1:23
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be who I am. Yes, you know what
1:25
Speaker 2: I mean. So there's nothing that I would take out,
1:27
Speaker 2: because then it would mean that I wouldn't get to
1:29
Speaker 2: be this version of me. I'm proud of this version
1:31
Speaker 2: of me, you know. So I don't think that there's
1:33
Speaker 2: anything that I would change, even all the hardship, even
1:35
Speaker 2: all the stuff that I went even the sex tape, Like,
1:37
Speaker 2: I wouldn't change it. And it sounds a bit weird
1:39
Speaker 2: because you're like, why that's cool to happen. But I
1:42
Speaker 2: needed to go through the change and the shame and
1:44
Speaker 2: all of the things that came up for me around
1:46
Speaker 2: that so I could evolve into this version of me
1:48
Speaker 2: that's really freaking cool. How about you.
1:50
Speaker 1: I think I would have loved to have changed when
1:54
Speaker 1: I started doing nervous system regulation, work because I think
1:58
Speaker 1: I wish I was a better mother for Tage when
2:01
Speaker 1: he was a baby. The version of who I am
2:04
Speaker 1: now and how I've been out to be for Tala
2:06
Speaker 1: is just so different. Not that I was a bad
2:08
Speaker 1: mum before any Karen's jump at me. I was just
2:11
Speaker 1: so disregulated. I was so depressed. I really wasn't coping
2:15
Speaker 1: with life. It was at the peak in my career,
2:17
Speaker 1: the peak of the trolls, and I just I just
2:21
Speaker 1: feel like I was an anxious wreck. Like I remember
2:23
Speaker 1: times where we'd be driving, He'd be screaming in the
2:26
Speaker 1: back and I would have a full blown panic attack.
2:29
Speaker 1: I could not handle him crying. I have to pull
2:32
Speaker 1: over and I would be shaking, trying to calm myself
2:35
Speaker 1: down whilst my child is crying and as if he's
2:37
Speaker 1: going to calm down when I'm like that, and I
2:40
Speaker 1: just look back and I have compassion for myself because I.
2:42
Speaker 2: Was really just not in a good way.
2:44
Speaker 1: I don't think I gave him realized how deep and
2:46
Speaker 1: dark I was in because I had to continue to
2:48
Speaker 1: show up for zashi Byn's and do this and do that,
2:50
Speaker 1: and support these women and do all these ads and
2:52
Speaker 1: fund the business and show up on stage and I
2:54
Speaker 1: had to put the front on. I enjoyed all of that,
2:57
Speaker 1: but whilst trying to hold my pain, I just, yeah,
3:00
Speaker 1: I didn't cope. I wish I started it earlier so
3:02
Speaker 1: he could have had this version of me. Yeah, But
3:05
Speaker 1: then I look at him and I feel him and
3:07
Speaker 1: I see him, and he's just the most beautiful little boy.
3:10
Speaker 1: He's so compassionate and loving and caring, and he's such
3:14
Speaker 1: a good listener and he's just beautiful. So I did
3:17
Speaker 1: something right. But yeah, that's what I wish I could
3:19
Speaker 1: take back. If I ever think about guilt and shame,
3:21
Speaker 1: it's always around him as a little baby and toddler,
3:25
Speaker 1: and even the thought of you know, when I've spoken
3:27
Speaker 1: about how I wanted to end my life, he was,
3:29
Speaker 1: you know, a year and a half, and I would
3:30
Speaker 1: just carry guilt around, like the thought of leaving him behind,
3:33
Speaker 1: like how could I do that to my son? So yeah,
3:37
Speaker 1: what makes the emotional.
3:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just feel sad.
3:42
Speaker 3: This always comes up, heh. But like I've done like
3:44
Speaker 3: three shame circles and it's always the same thing. I
3:48
Speaker 3: just feel feel sad that he got that version of me,
3:52
Speaker 3: and I feel stoke talal against his version of me.
3:55
Speaker 3: But I sometimes look at him and I'm like, oh,
3:57
Speaker 3: I wish I could have done better for him, but
3:59
Speaker 3: I was like barely keeping my.
4:00
Speaker 2: Own head afloat, you know.
4:03
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's what I would change. Gosh, it always
4:08
Speaker 3: brings it up.
4:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, yeah, I've broke through that. Nope, Hello, yeah
4:14
Speaker 2: it's still there. Players Yeah.
4:16
Speaker 1: I always wonder if that's always just gonna sit there, Like,
4:18
Speaker 1: well I ever move through that? Okay, tears are out
4:26
Speaker 1: right now. Do you think there is one thing that
4:30
Speaker 1: truly holds you back from achieving your goals, from being
4:33
Speaker 1: who you want to be, from living the life you
4:35
Speaker 1: want it? Do you think there's one thing that keeps
4:38
Speaker 1: arising And you're like, oh.
4:41
Speaker 2: I would say there's like these deep underlying belief that
4:44
Speaker 2: I have that like I'm not capable of achieving the
4:46
Speaker 2: things that I want and I've lotable. I feel like
4:48
Speaker 2: it comes out in everything that I do, Like even
4:51
Speaker 2: when I'm doing stuff, it's there, you know what I mean.
4:53
Speaker 2: It's not like it goes away or like you learn
4:55
Speaker 2: how to deal with it and it becomes quieter. But
4:57
Speaker 2: I just feel like there's definitely a deep root of
4:59
Speaker 2: beliefs sometimes where I'll lean on that belief when I'm
5:02
Speaker 2: procrastinating or something and I notice the fear, and you know,
5:05
Speaker 2: maybe there'll be certain areas in my life or business
5:07
Speaker 2: or maybe something that I do where I'm like, oh,
5:10
Speaker 2: like I want to reach for the stars, but then
5:11
Speaker 2: I feel like, but what if I fuck it up?
5:14
Speaker 2: Or like what if it doesn't work out, or what
5:16
Speaker 2: if you know, I'm not capable, And it's just like
5:17
Speaker 2: this little niggle of like a fear that kind of
5:20
Speaker 2: just like lingers around. So I think that definitely in
5:22
Speaker 2: the past, I would say that that's stopped me, and
5:24
Speaker 2: I can even see where it comes up. Now whenever
5:26
Speaker 2: I'm procrastinating or whatever, I'm like, I notice it and
5:29
Speaker 2: then I'm like, okay, cool. The only difference is now
5:31
Speaker 2: I'm a little bit better at learning how to move
5:34
Speaker 2: regardless of that fear, you know, like now I'm conscious
5:37
Speaker 2: of the fact that the fear can be there. But
5:39
Speaker 2: then go, okay, like I don't have to let this
5:40
Speaker 2: fear define me now. You know. It's like, do I
5:43
Speaker 2: really want this fear to be the reason why I
5:45
Speaker 2: don't achieve what I want or prove to myself that
5:47
Speaker 2: I'm capable or create the impact that I know that
5:49
Speaker 2: I'm capable of doing. It's like, is that fear and
5:53
Speaker 2: the thought of the fear worth me not doing all
5:56
Speaker 2: those incredible things? And it's just not. Yeah, you know,
5:59
Speaker 2: so I can catch it and I can clock it,
6:00
Speaker 2: but I have to be aware of it, you know,
6:02
Speaker 2: because it's just there. Yeah, I love that. One's kind
6:05
Speaker 2: of similar. It's similar. Similar. Lately, I've been saying some
6:09
Speaker 2: weird words me and you now the day vibe, but
6:14
Speaker 2: you were saying every now and again, we'll both say
6:16
Speaker 2: something really Bogan, it's just come out.
6:18
Speaker 1: And I always combine Katie and j our producers their
6:21
Speaker 1: name Katie and k Yeah, okay, mine's similar, And I
6:27
Speaker 1: catch myself in it, and I think I catch myself
6:29
Speaker 1: quicker because you're next to me, because it revolves around
6:32
Speaker 1: our work, and it's around the podcast, around teaching, around
6:36
Speaker 1: our events, around our future plans I have. I don't
6:39
Speaker 1: know if it's a post syndrome self doubt, just a
6:42
Speaker 1: story that I.
6:43
Speaker 2: Can't do it because I'm not a coach.
6:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't studied to become a coach, and I'm
6:47
Speaker 1: never claiming to be a coach. I've always just shared
6:49
Speaker 1: my life online and it's resonated and helped and people
6:52
Speaker 1: can take it with a grain of salt. But I
6:54
Speaker 1: have little moments of like can I get up and
6:56
Speaker 1: talk about that? Yeah, in my own books too, because
6:58
Speaker 1: I catch it pretty quickly and be like, sure, that's silly,
7:01
Speaker 1: because I'm not claiming to be a coach, and I
7:03
Speaker 1: learned from real people and real experiences and real stories
7:06
Speaker 1: and real pain. I couldn't care less if someone's qualified
7:09
Speaker 1: or not. Yes, I'm not discrediting that. It's amazing. I
7:12
Speaker 1: love that you're qualified and a coach, and so all
7:14
Speaker 1: my coaches and psychologists and learn from everyone. But I
7:17
Speaker 1: just have to get up there and be myself, and
7:19
Speaker 1: people are there to hear our stories and to hear
7:21
Speaker 1: what we've learned along the way. But there is those
7:24
Speaker 1: little moments of like ooh, I pull back, or I'm like, oh,
7:27
Speaker 1: you do that, Tiana. I'll sit behind your shadow. I'll
7:30
Speaker 1: just be here and you're like, no, no, no, we're doing
7:33
Speaker 1: this together. I'll lead here, you can help me with this,
7:36
Speaker 1: and you lead here, and you know we'll work together
7:38
Speaker 1: as a team vice versa. It's really beautiful because my
7:41
Speaker 1: weaknesses are your strengths and vice versa. We both bring
7:44
Speaker 1: so much to the table and whatever we're feeling like
7:46
Speaker 1: we're lacking in or we need to work on more,
7:48
Speaker 1: the other kind of picks it up and teaches us
7:50
Speaker 1: as we go.
7:51
Speaker 2: It's really cool. We've got a really beautiful dynamic. It
7:53
Speaker 2: is beautiful like that. Yeah, But I have a bit
7:55
Speaker 2: of self doubt sometimes creep in. I think everyone would
7:57
Speaker 2: never work that so human in that in every area
8:01
Speaker 2: of life. Yeah, pops up for everyone. You know. It's
8:03
Speaker 2: just such an innate thing that we feel today, and
8:05
Speaker 2: like it's okay that we feel it, but it doesn't
8:07
Speaker 2: have to mean anything about who we are. Yeah. Like
8:09
Speaker 2: even literally me just before, like I literally said to actually,
8:12
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'm just like having a day
8:14
Speaker 2: where I'm just like I have doubt today, Like I'm
8:15
Speaker 2: doubting myself, myself, you know, doubting what I was saying
8:18
Speaker 2: or doubting you know, the things that I was bringing
8:20
Speaker 2: up or whatever. But it's like, you know, I think
8:22
Speaker 2: there's gonna be a lot of women who can relate
8:24
Speaker 2: to that as well.
8:24
Speaker 1: And I think it also comes from a place of
8:26
Speaker 1: having such high standards for ourselves and for the information
8:30
Speaker 1: we deliver and the podcast we do in the events
8:31
Speaker 1: that we run. Like if you girls would see the
8:33
Speaker 1: behind the scenes work that goes into our events. We
8:37
Speaker 1: put our heart and souls into this. It is so
8:39
Speaker 1: thought out. We've taken the last fifteen years of us
8:43
Speaker 1: doing coaching and getting help and going to events and
8:46
Speaker 1: courses and studying and podcasts and bring everything in a condensed,
8:50
Speaker 1: compact little box for you girls. Like, there's so much
8:53
Speaker 1: put into it. So I think we just have really
8:54
Speaker 1: high standards for what we deliver and because weeoplet to
8:57
Speaker 1: help so much, we've truly genuinely love making a different
9:01
Speaker 1: women's lives. Yeah, and it's just really important to us.
9:04
Speaker 1: So I think there's a few layers to it. But yeah,
9:06
Speaker 1: that pops off for me. Okay, next good or bad,
9:12
Speaker 1: No offense taken. But what is one thing that you
9:15
Speaker 1: would change about me? It can be funny, it can
9:18
Speaker 1: be serious, it can be annoying.
9:20
Speaker 2: Oh god, I feel like this is one of those
9:22
Speaker 2: questions where we're getting baited, like, yeah, yeah, she's gonna
9:27
Speaker 2: hit the I'm just kidding to do this is Steve. Often,
9:31
Speaker 2: I'll like ask a question about his past. Yeah, this is.
9:36
Speaker 1: We don't want to know.
9:37
Speaker 2: That you do. Then it's like yes, it's like I'm
9:41
Speaker 2: mad at you. Yeah, okay, what would I There's so
9:44
Speaker 2: many beautiful things that I love about you.
9:46
Speaker 1: I just it's not the question to I know, you
9:50
Speaker 1: don't have to sandwiched.
9:54
Speaker 2: You realize you don't have to sandwich Okay. I mentioned
9:57
Speaker 2: this to you before in the car where sometimes when
9:59
Speaker 2: you're not getting away, or like things aren't going your
10:02
Speaker 2: way or things aren't going to plan or something like that,
10:04
Speaker 2: you'll delay the way that you speak. It's really slow.
10:07
Speaker 2: It's like in a different tone, is it. Yeah? Okay, yeah, yeah,
10:13
Speaker 2: oh do you really like it? Just it's like this
10:16
Speaker 2: thing and like I can you can tell them unhappy
10:18
Speaker 2: or yeah, It's like it's not angry or anything like that.
10:21
Speaker 2: It's just like a it's a difference of energy and
10:23
Speaker 2: I can feel it, and I would say that like
10:26
Speaker 2: with that, that would be the thing that I would
10:29
Speaker 2: like change. It's just like the how does it make
10:31
Speaker 2: you feel?
10:32
Speaker 1: Just to help me get more clarity, because I think
10:34
Speaker 1: for me, I'm taking space to think about how I
10:36
Speaker 1: want to say things interesting, But how does it make
10:39
Speaker 1: you feel?
10:39
Speaker 2: Because that would help me under okay, And the way
10:42
Speaker 2: that it makes me feel is that and this is
10:44
Speaker 2: obviously a projection, right, this is not necessarily true. This
10:47
Speaker 2: is what would be very true.
10:48
Speaker 1: Though.
10:50
Speaker 2: What my mind thinks of is like, oh, she's not happy,
10:52
Speaker 2: but she doesn't want to say yeah because it's a
10:55
Speaker 2: delayed thing. Oh yeah. And then it's like if there's
10:57
Speaker 2: nothing said afterwards, and I'm like, or what does she think?
11:00
Speaker 2: How she feeling? What's going through my mind right now?
11:02
Speaker 2: And then I start to project.
11:04
Speaker 1: And without transparency, there's uncertainty yea, which is not safe. Yeah, yes,
11:09
Speaker 1: that makes so much sense. And yeah, for me, it's
11:12
Speaker 1: just take a moment you're triggered or you're upset, or
11:15
Speaker 1: you're not sure. Sometimes I'm not sure how to communicate
11:17
Speaker 1: that I'm not happy. Yeah, I just need a moment
11:19
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, maybe I'll ask her some more
11:21
Speaker 1: questions to give me time to think.
11:22
Speaker 2: About what I want to say, right, okay, because I'm.
11:24
Speaker 1: Just still working on my way to communicate and have
11:27
Speaker 1: a voice in a productive kind way, yes, rather just
11:30
Speaker 1: being like oh fuck that or I feel like that's.
11:32
Speaker 2: Been a huge thing for you as well, Like you're
11:34
Speaker 2: always conscious of not being passive aggressive or having the
11:37
Speaker 2: dagular stuff. You've had wounds in the past where you've
11:40
Speaker 2: been that, so it's like you're overly conscious now of
11:42
Speaker 2: making sure that you're not showing up in that way
11:43
Speaker 2: because you don't want to create. I want to be
11:46
Speaker 2: the most conscious version of yourself to communicate in the
11:48
Speaker 2: best way, so I can understand.
11:50
Speaker 1: Why I think I would speak before I've thought but
11:52
Speaker 1: in the past. Yeah, So I'm just trying to practice
11:55
Speaker 1: taking a moment. But Steve says, he says the same
11:58
Speaker 1: things he'll notice, like a high pitch voice, for example,
12:01
Speaker 1: this is just fluffy, But did you like me and
12:02
Speaker 1: like cook And I'm like, yeah, it was good, but
12:05
Speaker 1: I think it's spicy as like you hate it.
12:07
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, it didn't taste red.
12:09
Speaker 1: But I've had that moment to them be like, oh, actually,
12:12
Speaker 1: I don't want to offend him and be like it
12:13
Speaker 1: was fucking disgusting.
12:15
Speaker 2: So I just need a bit of time to Yeah,
12:18
Speaker 2: And you know what, taking time is actually a good
12:19
Speaker 2: thing because then it's like you're not having to undo stuff,
12:23
Speaker 2: You're not having to clean up mess that you've made.
12:25
Speaker 2: If if you maybe react in the way and not
12:27
Speaker 2: saying you'd react badly, but taking space in those moments
12:31
Speaker 2: is so good because then you can consciously think, like,
12:33
Speaker 2: this is what I want to say. It's also a
12:35
Speaker 2: trauma response.
12:36
Speaker 1: So now I'm thinking about it because I feel like
12:38
Speaker 1: I could say my truth with you and you'd be
12:40
Speaker 1: able to hold it because you know my intentions aren't
12:42
Speaker 1: malicious and I'm just being honest. But I think in
12:46
Speaker 1: the past people that haven't been able to hold that
12:48
Speaker 1: might have questioned my intention behind it. So now it's
12:51
Speaker 1: a trauma response of like, actually, that's right.
12:54
Speaker 2: It was spoken about this before where you were like, oh,
12:56
Speaker 2: sorry if that was too direct, and there's been times
12:59
Speaker 2: we've been mindful of that you'd been like, I'm so
13:01
Speaker 2: sorry if I was too direct. I'm like, no, like
13:03
Speaker 2: bring it in, but I think you're going to leave.
13:04
Speaker 1: I think that's an issues in the past, there's being
13:07
Speaker 1: friends that have said it's too much, or you shouldn't
13:10
Speaker 1: say that, or that's too loud or too aggressive, or
13:13
Speaker 1: you know, you should keep that to yourself.
13:15
Speaker 2: I didn't need to hear that. I didn't ask you
13:17
Speaker 2: for that. You know, those kind of comments fucked.
13:19
Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's a bit of a trauma response.
13:21
Speaker 1: Now it's like a bit more hesitant. Yeah, but that's
13:24
Speaker 1: not you think that's a me thing?
13:25
Speaker 2: Yeah for sure. Isn't it crazy? Though? When we have
13:27
Speaker 2: those experiences, it doesn't matter who you're weird, it'll still
13:30
Speaker 2: come up if you like comet.
13:32
Speaker 1: Super aware of it though, Yeah, yeah, just navigating how
13:35
Speaker 1: to ye still use my voice?
13:37
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's tricky. Yeah, I'm a work in progress. Okay,
13:43
Speaker 2: one thing I will change about you. Okay, I got two. Okay,
13:50
Speaker 2: one's funny and one's really serious. Okay.
13:53
Speaker 1: The first one is just to charge your flucking phone.
13:56
Speaker 1: It gives me anxiety.
13:57
Speaker 2: It gives me actual anxiety.
13:59
Speaker 1: It'd be we're the gym and at six am, just
14:01
Speaker 1: a guy, I'm only on fifteen percent. I'm like, and
14:04
Speaker 1: this isn't me thing too, why don't you charge your phone?
14:06
Speaker 1: Mine gets below fifty percent. I'm looking for my charge.
14:09
Speaker 2: It's true.
14:10
Speaker 1: And maybe because I'm a mum, I just have to
14:11
Speaker 1: be on high alert that if my nanny needs me
14:14
Speaker 1: or the school calls me, I just have to have charge.
14:17
Speaker 1: I never go anywhere without it's literally right next to me,
14:19
Speaker 1: my portable charger. All the time for your phone to
14:22
Speaker 1: be charged. That would be my number one and the
14:24
Speaker 1: number two thing I've noticed, and I've spoken to you
14:26
Speaker 1: about this so it won't be a shock. And Steve's
14:28
Speaker 1: also You've got an isolationship with Steve and he's told
14:31
Speaker 1: you as well. Is just we feel that you get
14:33
Speaker 1: a bit influenced and lose your voice in relationships. They
14:38
Speaker 1: can say a passing comment about the way you're doing
14:41
Speaker 1: things or showing up or saying or social media presence,
14:44
Speaker 1: you'll take it like gospel, like you change it, and
14:47
Speaker 1: you'll do it to fit in with them. And I
14:49
Speaker 1: think you kind of lose yourself and then you get
14:51
Speaker 1: confused with what you're doing, and then you get stuck
14:54
Speaker 1: and you don't know what to do or how to
14:56
Speaker 1: show up. I wish for the future that your next
14:58
Speaker 1: partner that isn't a thing and you just or even
15:01
Speaker 1: if it was. You're so strong in your own beliefs
15:04
Speaker 1: of knowing where you want to go and who you
15:05
Speaker 1: are and what you want to post and how you
15:07
Speaker 1: want to do things because you have so much confidence
15:10
Speaker 1: within you until a man comes along and then little
15:13
Speaker 1: parts of it just gets shut down.
15:14
Speaker 2: I fucking hate it.
15:15
Speaker 1: Because you're such a shining star. You're so bright in
15:18
Speaker 1: my life, so obviously that being turned down a little bit,
15:21
Speaker 1: I'm like, get really protective.
15:22
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I hate it.
15:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, really I feel tell me. I know I bring
15:27
Speaker 1: it in, but it's from a place of love. I
15:29
Speaker 1: love everything about you, and I don't think anything needs
15:30
Speaker 1: to be changed. So the thought of someone influencing you
15:33
Speaker 1: that you need to change, I'm like, how can you
15:35
Speaker 1: change perfection? She's a twelve out of ten and always,
15:38
Speaker 1: you know.
15:40
Speaker 2: I definitely do do that. I feel that the men
15:43
Speaker 2: that i'm especially if they're successful in business. You know,
15:47
Speaker 2: this is my second business now and I have my
15:49
Speaker 2: coaching business. But I think whenever I have somebody in
15:52
Speaker 2: my life who I look up to or i'm inspired by,
15:54
Speaker 2: and that usually turns out to be my partners because
15:56
Speaker 2: they're either really successful in business or have done or
15:59
Speaker 2: are doing what I want to do. It's almost like
16:02
Speaker 2: I've prioritize their opinion over my own when it comes
16:04
Speaker 2: to put a business because it specifically is around business. Yes,
16:08
Speaker 2: And when it comes to that, I'm like, they will
16:11
Speaker 2: tell me something a piece of advice or you know,
16:13
Speaker 2: I'll share with them and confide in them around something
16:15
Speaker 2: in business, and then they'll give me advice, but you
16:17
Speaker 2: should be doing this, and they're so convicted in what
16:19
Speaker 2: they're doing, I'm like, oh, fuck, am I doing it
16:22
Speaker 2: like wrong?
16:23
Speaker 1: Yeah?
16:23
Speaker 2: You know, and it's not changing it wrong, but like, oh,
16:26
Speaker 2: could I be doing this better? That work better? Would
16:28
Speaker 2: that work better? Would it work faster? Would it be
16:30
Speaker 2: more efficient? Like? Is that the way that I need
16:32
Speaker 2: to kind of go in life? And so I kind
16:34
Speaker 2: of lean on theirs, But then I get further away
16:36
Speaker 2: from what I genuinely want to do. So I'm thinking
16:39
Speaker 2: about the way to do business based on what they're
16:42
Speaker 2: doing instead of what I genuinely want deep down. And
16:46
Speaker 2: then I start to question like my ability to make
16:49
Speaker 2: decisions because I'm relying on them and not listening to
16:52
Speaker 2: myself and changing. And then I get really wishy washy,
16:55
Speaker 2: and then I start to kind of like get small.
16:58
Speaker 2: Yeah you do.
16:59
Speaker 1: I've just seen it twice now, so I just hope
17:01
Speaker 1: for the next one that that's not even a thing,
17:03
Speaker 1: or if it is, you're strong enough to be like,
17:05
Speaker 1: it's your opinion.
17:05
Speaker 2: It's definitely truly love what I'm doing. Yeah, it's definitely
17:08
Speaker 2: definitely not of them. Think it's more of a meeting,
17:10
Speaker 2: you know, because it's my choice to do that. It's
17:12
Speaker 2: not that they're forcing me to do anything or saying
17:14
Speaker 2: you have to do this or you're going to fail.
17:16
Speaker 2: They're not saying that they want the best for me. Yeah,
17:18
Speaker 2: And they've only given advice because they do want the best.
17:21
Speaker 1: And based on their own experience and what they think,
17:23
Speaker 1: which everyone can give you two cents like I can
17:24
Speaker 1: give you my two cents compared to anyone around you,
17:27
Speaker 1: your parents, whatever, that's.
17:28
Speaker 2: Right, And they give advice based on their mistakes, their failures,
17:32
Speaker 2: things that they want to help me avoid paying for.
17:35
Speaker 2: But it just so happens to be that it might
17:36
Speaker 2: be different for what I truly want business.
17:39
Speaker 1: So yeah, it makes so much sense. Yeah, all right,
17:44
Speaker 1: are you truly happy right now in your.
17:46
Speaker 2: Life duality babe? Yeah? Answer, I'm happy in one sense
17:52
Speaker 2: where I'm happy with where I'm ad in life, what
17:55
Speaker 2: we're doing with the podcast, Like the people in my life,
17:58
Speaker 2: I have a lot of gratitude for those things, and
18:01
Speaker 2: I'm really grateful to be able to just like wake
18:04
Speaker 2: up every day and of a good life and breathe
18:06
Speaker 2: and have fresh water and have a roof over my head,
18:08
Speaker 2: all those sorts of things. So grateful for the quality
18:11
Speaker 2: of life that I live. But then in the same breath,
18:13
Speaker 2: there's lots of discomfort as well, you know, discomfort of
18:17
Speaker 2: like growing this business with you and like pushing beyond challenges,
18:21
Speaker 2: but personal challenges. There's grief. There's you know, holding the
18:25
Speaker 2: people that you love in pain, like with everything that
18:27
Speaker 2: you guys have just all gone through, do you know
18:29
Speaker 2: what I mean? So there's breakups relationship, Yeah, just gone
18:31
Speaker 2: through a breakup, So that's hard. Yeah. So there's a
18:34
Speaker 2: lot of duality in life. So in one hand, yes,
18:36
Speaker 2: there's a part of me that is happy, and then
18:38
Speaker 2: there's also a part of me that's also experiencing a
18:40
Speaker 2: lot of like sadness at the moment of just like,
18:43
Speaker 2: oh my heart hurts a little bit.
18:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, my answer be very similar. Yeah, it's
18:48
Speaker 1: weird to hold all I feel like. That's what twenty
18:50
Speaker 1: twenty five has been about, is actually stretching the capacity
18:53
Speaker 1: to be able to hold all the emotions. Because I
18:55
Speaker 1: felt like you're either really low and depressed and going
18:58
Speaker 1: through hard times or you're really happy in life's good.
19:00
Speaker 1: Whereas I wake up each day and go to bed
19:03
Speaker 1: each night with gratitude, love, excitement, and then also the deepest,
19:09
Speaker 1: darkest grief and sadness and frustration and anger, And I
19:13
Speaker 1: like dip in and out of those. Yeah, that's why
19:15
Speaker 1: I love end in the night and meditation because it
19:17
Speaker 1: just like dissolves all of that and I just get
19:19
Speaker 1: to breathe my way to sleep. Yeah, so I'm not
19:22
Speaker 1: going to bed with my head ticking out of all
19:24
Speaker 1: the emotions. But yeah, I feel both too, a lot
19:27
Speaker 1: of grief obviously, little rambo, frustration, anger, disappointment, like energy,
19:34
Speaker 1: and then yeah, fuck.
19:35
Speaker 2: Your life's good. Yeah, I love life people.
19:37
Speaker 1: I'm excited even the challenges in business and life like,
19:40
Speaker 1: I'm excited for it all. Yeah, it's been of both
19:43
Speaker 1: love that answer. Yeah, if you could have three wishes,
19:46
Speaker 1: what would they be doing? Me to go first? I'll go, okay,
19:50
Speaker 1: you go, I just off the cast.
19:52
Speaker 2: Yes, the first one would be for myself and all
19:54
Speaker 2: the people that I love, to be completely financially free,
19:57
Speaker 2: like never have to worry about money ever again. And
19:59
Speaker 2: I say me and the people that I love, so
20:01
Speaker 2: that we can all go on that journey together. So
20:03
Speaker 2: I think like life is more beautiful when you're experiencing
20:05
Speaker 2: things together. The second one would be like endless opportunities.
20:11
Speaker 2: Kind of life is like that anyway, but just like
20:13
Speaker 2: endless opportunities for what it is that you want to
20:16
Speaker 2: do in terms of what you do it create and
20:18
Speaker 2: the impact that you can have through those endless opportunities.
20:22
Speaker 2: Can I say like endless wishes?
20:24
Speaker 1: No, So Taj actually asked me this question. Yeah, and
20:27
Speaker 1: they said that was the run rules. You can't wish
20:29
Speaker 1: for more wishes?
20:30
Speaker 2: Okay. Three he asked me this last week randomly in
20:32
Speaker 2: the car, is like, this is a cool question. The
20:34
Speaker 2: last thing I would say is for everyone to be
20:38
Speaker 2: able to experience fulfillment, love and for all that's lovely. Yeah,
20:42
Speaker 2: that's really cool. How are you Mine?
20:45
Speaker 1: Is no animal cruelty, no starvation, beautiful kills me. I
20:49
Speaker 1: just no one should ever go without food, water, and
20:53
Speaker 1: unlimited money, because then I can help unlimited families, like
20:56
Speaker 1: all the medical bills I get sent so many go
20:58
Speaker 1: fundments every single day in the amount of families that
21:00
Speaker 1: need money to cover medical bills, a never ending problem
21:04
Speaker 1: in the world.
21:06
Speaker 2: And the experiences you.
21:07
Speaker 1: Could take all your friends and family on, Yeah, they
21:09
Speaker 1: could all be financially free. Yeah. If you had to
21:12
Speaker 1: make so much impact and I know I was to
21:14
Speaker 1: come across that kind of money, the good I would
21:16
Speaker 1: do with it, Yeah, it wouldn't be wasted.
21:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right.
21:18
Speaker 1: Last one, it's quite a big question time. What is
21:23
Speaker 1: your dream life? Would it be different to how you're
21:25
Speaker 1: living now? You had your dream life, your dream routine,
21:28
Speaker 1: dream day every day, what would that look like? And
21:30
Speaker 1: think like dream, I think big, Like would you have
21:32
Speaker 1: a driver? Would you have a chef?
21:34
Speaker 2: Like all the big things have I'd have a big
21:36
Speaker 2: like luxury home one, I'd have a chef. Yeah, I'd
21:40
Speaker 2: have like a housekeeper. Yeah. If I had children, I
21:42
Speaker 2: would have a nanny to help with that. Unlimited resources
21:45
Speaker 2: in terms of being able to like travel, go places,
21:48
Speaker 2: get whatever it is in my flight when whenever I want.
21:52
Speaker 2: But the vision that I seen for myself is like
21:54
Speaker 2: being able to eventually be a mom. Right, But I
21:56
Speaker 2: want to be able to be like on stages, like
21:59
Speaker 2: I want to be able to create impact and a
22:01
Speaker 2: large scale one that seems so far beyond fucking possible
22:04
Speaker 2: of what I'm currently doing now it scares the shit
22:07
Speaker 2: out of me.
22:07
Speaker 1: Like I want to talk like a talk like I
22:10
Speaker 1: would love to do that.
22:11
Speaker 2: Do stadiums full of people talking like it's terrifying, But
22:15
Speaker 2: it also is like the growth that you would have
22:17
Speaker 2: as a person. For me to be able to create
22:19
Speaker 2: that for myself would be so fulfilling. And working on
22:22
Speaker 2: a project that big with so many people around you,
22:25
Speaker 2: I feel like would be such a beautiful thing to experience,
22:27
Speaker 2: so cool that the part like I obviously want to
22:30
Speaker 2: find like my person who you know person, but who
22:34
Speaker 2: even is your person? But the body and Clyde kind
22:37
Speaker 2: of union, Like I've always just really wanted, like a
22:40
Speaker 2: union with somebody to like create and build and like
22:42
Speaker 2: make all of these things possible. So that and just
22:45
Speaker 2: living a good quality life. Yeah, so always reaching for growth,
22:49
Speaker 2: but living simultaneously really good quality of life and being happy.
22:53
Speaker 2: That's beautiful.
22:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like might be pretty similar. I truly
22:56
Speaker 1: do love my life. I feel like we're outgrowing the
22:59
Speaker 1: home we're in, which makes me sad because whenever we
23:01
Speaker 1: start looking at homes to buy, which I reckon will
23:03
Speaker 1: probably buy one by the year, I would hope, But
23:07
Speaker 1: the thought of leaving our street and our home. Our
23:09
Speaker 1: home is not a huge mansion at the moment, but
23:11
Speaker 1: I don't know, I can't describe. And I walked into
23:13
Speaker 1: this home that we live and now we bought, it.
23:15
Speaker 2: Just felt like home.
23:16
Speaker 1: And I was really craving a massive backyard and a
23:19
Speaker 1: massive pool. I wanted a playground, which we just got,
23:22
Speaker 1: big trampline, a big pool. That was my main focus.
23:25
Speaker 1: It wasn't even more the inside of the house. I
23:26
Speaker 1: just wanted that. So when a crame across this property,
23:28
Speaker 1: it had the biggest backyard. And then all their neighbors
23:32
Speaker 1: there's one, two, three them. They all have toddlers, all
23:35
Speaker 1: have kids, and we all hang out and in the afternoons.
23:38
Speaker 2: It's just beautiful.
23:38
Speaker 1: And I feel so protected, Like even when Steve when
23:40
Speaker 1: I went to Sydney, or if I go away Nathan,
23:43
Speaker 1: which I've spoken to him about the podcast on the
23:45
Speaker 1: podcast before, he's always just checking in. I feel so
23:47
Speaker 1: safe having him there, and there's two other dads. I
23:49
Speaker 1: just love our neighborhood. And I've never ever lived in
23:52
Speaker 1: a neighborhood where neighbors have been so friendly and so supportive,
23:55
Speaker 1: and we're all in the same journey of life with kids.
23:57
Speaker 2: Yes, it's really cool, but yeah, I feel like we're
24:00
Speaker 2: out growing the home. I was like, more space. I
24:03
Speaker 2: want a bigger kitchen.
24:04
Speaker 1: The kids' rooms are really tiny, so I see that
24:07
Speaker 1: for us, I would definitely have a chef. We've had
24:09
Speaker 1: a chef before until he stole off us and we
24:11
Speaker 1: had to get rid of him. That's crazy, just crazy,
24:13
Speaker 1: but it was awesome having a chef. We have a
24:15
Speaker 1: cleaner and she's amazing, but probably get one more often. Yeah,
24:19
Speaker 1: I need a roabo back, honestly, with those ones that
24:21
Speaker 1: just like cleans the house. And just more freedom for Steve.
24:26
Speaker 1: I think I have quite a lot of freedom now.
24:29
Speaker 1: I can travel and do things, and my work isn't
24:32
Speaker 1: relyingt on me being in there all day every day,
24:34
Speaker 1: whereas Steve it is. So I'd love more freedom for
24:38
Speaker 1: him to be able to travel and do more and
24:41
Speaker 1: say with my family. But yeah, there's a lot more
24:44
Speaker 1: I would change. I'd make this a full time gig
24:47
Speaker 1: and being on stage with you. Yeah, like doing an
24:49
Speaker 1: international live too. We would go national first, but eventually
24:52
Speaker 1: going overseas and being able to have a stadium full
24:54
Speaker 1: of people that come along to our events would be
24:57
Speaker 1: so cool.
24:57
Speaker 2: That's literally what I mean.
24:58
Speaker 1: Our first event had twenty two paid tickets, This next
25:02
Speaker 1: one's had fifty paid tickets, and then our next one
25:04
Speaker 1: is two f And I feel like we're just going
25:06
Speaker 1: to increase each time, which is really cool.
25:08
Speaker 2: It is really fun. It's fun seeing it grow in stages.
25:11
Speaker 2: It is like because the vision is like unlimited of
25:14
Speaker 2: like and do with it, and it's just so much fun.
25:16
Speaker 2: It's so much fun. Cool. Well that's all my cousins
25:19
Speaker 2: I've got for you. I love it. Have you guys enjoyed?
25:21
Speaker 1: And I hope you also reflect on your own questions
25:24
Speaker 1: when we ask them, Like even if you going to
25:26
Speaker 1: rewind and pause and write down your answers, it would
25:29
Speaker 1: be so cool. And if you want to share anything
25:30
Speaker 1: but a Facebook forum, she writes, community, come on in
25:33
Speaker 1: there and extend the conversation and we'll see you Friday.
25:37
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us. Bye bye