Latest / Millennial Mental Health Channel / Isaac Salisbury Bravely Shares His Own Story of Bipolar Mania and Psychosis

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Isaac Salisbury Bravely Shares His Own Story of Bipolar Mania and Psychosis · Millennial Mental Health Channel

• 0:00
  So if you apply yourself and you want to get better, you will get
• 0:04
  better. And I really emphasize that this is Millennial Mental Health Channel. I'm
• 0:10
  doctor Justin Romano, a Child and Adolescent psychiatry fellow, and I'm Eddie Creo,
• 0:14
  a licensed clinical therapist. Our podcast is here because we wanted to start
• 0:18
  a much needed conversation about mental health. Our goal is to teach you as
• 0:21
  much as we can by sharing our own experiences and interviewing experts in the mental
• 0:26
  health field. We will discuss topics like mood disorders, psychotic disorders, substance
• 0:30
  use, personality disorders, and many more. Millennial Mental Health Channel buy Millennials
• 0:35
  for everyone. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. MMHC is a production of
• 0:40
  Spreaker from iHeartMedia. I welcome back to MMHC. We have a very exciting
• 0:50
  episode for you guys today. We're very excited to get to it. We
• 0:54
  wanted to just do a quick intro with maybe some shout outs. Eddie,
• 0:57
  you got anything for me? The only thing I have is that every episode
• 1:00
  is exciting. I don't know why we even just kidding. Yes, I
• 1:07
  do have a shout out. Today's episode We're gonna give a shout out to
• 1:10
  the today's episode sponsor is un Unpluged Technology on Instagram. They reached out to
• 1:15
  us recently because of Justin, because of his ted talk that he did recently
• 1:19
  on social media addiction on internet use. They really liked what he had to
• 1:23
  say. I mean, I like what Justin has to say most of the
• 1:26
  time, except when it has to do with the Broncos and the Raiders.
• 1:29
  But they like what he had to say, and because of it, they're
• 1:30
  a company that's working on helping people scale back their internet and their technology use.
• 1:36
  They have this really cool tag. I don't have it with me right
• 1:38
  now in front of me while we're recording, it's on my keys. It's
• 1:42
  basically a tag that helps you monitor or lessen the amount that you're using your
• 1:46
  phone. So what you do is you have the app, you put in
• 1:49
  the kind of schedule that you want. So for me, I think I
• 1:52
  have it like during the workday seven forty five to three forty five, I
• 1:56
  have a set schedule, And basically what it does is I'm not able to
• 1:59
  use like Instagram, Twitter, things like that social media TikTok unless I have
• 2:06
  the tag right there with me, and it makes me have to scan the
• 2:08
  tag on my phone before I can even use it. And then even after
• 2:12
  I scan it, I can only use my phone for five minutes before it
• 2:15
  locks the apps again. So it's been really helpful and trying to get me
• 2:17
  to not use my phone as much, not use technology as much. The
• 2:22
  first day I used it, I noticed how much I reached from my phone
• 2:24
  when on board and try to grab it right away and like go on social
• 2:28
  media. Thankfully, my keys weren't next to me, so I wasn't able
• 2:30
  to use it to use social media as much. It's been really helpful.
• 2:34
  I wanted to give them a shout out. They've been kind enough to give
• 2:37
  us a discount code for all our listeners. If you're interested, If you
• 2:39
  want to scale back on your social media and your technology use, all you
• 2:44
  have to do is go to www. Dot unplug dot com unplugged spelled at
• 2:47
  u n p l u q again, that's unpluq dot com and I check
• 2:54
  out. You can use the discount code MMHC twenty to get twenty percent off.
• 2:59
  I think it's been really helpful. Since I've been using it, it's
• 3:00
  still on my keys and I definitely noticed that very first day. I use
• 3:06
  my phone a lot less, so I think it's worth the shot if you're
• 3:07
  trying to use your phone a lot less. Cool. I like it,
• 3:10
  and the ted talk is up to over eleven thousands. I checked it the
• 3:16
  other day. I don't check it obsessively or anything, but you should.
• 3:23
  But I do, I do, I do well. One of the things
• 3:27
  we love on this show the most is being able to tell stories. And
• 3:31
  I was just telling the people in this podcast here that when I was in
• 3:36
  medical school, the most impactful thing for me was actually getting to hear the
• 3:40
  stories of people who had mental health issues like schizophrenia, depression, by polar
• 3:45
  disorder. So that's one of the things we would like to try and do
• 3:49
  on this show more. I always just felt weird because most of the people
• 3:52
  I know with those things were my patients, and I didn't want to just
• 3:54
  be like, hey, take your bills, and also if you want to
• 3:58
  come on my podcast, that seemed like an ethical violation to me, so
• 4:02
  it never really happened. I would have reported you if you did that,
• 4:06
  you narc You totally would have. So luckily we had a recent listener a
• 4:15
  new fan of the show reach out to us and very straightforward and confidently ask
• 4:23
  if he could come on the show and tell his story. So today we
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  have a very special guest who goes by the name of Isaac Salisbury, and
• 4:30
  we'll ask him if there's any relation to the stake guy. I'm sure he
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  probably gets up all the time and it's cheesy. I know, I'm just
• 4:39
  a cheesy guy. But just to give you a little bio on who he
• 4:43
  is and what he does. He obtained his bachelor's bachelor's degree from Thomas College,
• 4:48
  where he was a part of the National Honor Society. He's worked as
• 4:50
  a peer support specialist in the state of Maine. He also worked as a
• 4:55
  Portland Sea Dogs ticket office associate, which I'm very dexcited to hear more about
• 5:00
  the Sea Dogs, and he currently works for Gnome Landscaping. He also has
• 5:06
  his own podcast where he talks about disc golf in the main area called the
• 5:13
  Pine Tree Disc Golf Podcast. He does a lot of disc golf. He
• 5:15
  also does some DoorDash to make some extra moullah and he is marrying the love
• 5:20
  of his life, Arianna on in September. So please welcome onto the show,
• 5:26
  mister Isaac the Steakman Salisbury. You know, it's so funny because my
• 5:33
  nickname in the main disc golf scene is Steaks. And I'm not joking at
• 5:40
  all. Everybody in the main disc golf scene really thinks that my name isn't
• 5:44
  Isaac, it's Steaks. So good, guess that's really really cool. I
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  was like, oh my god, there's no way he actually just guess that.
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  That's cool. That's hilarious. Yes, it's so funny. I'm like,
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  Steaks, I've never heard that before, Isaac, Welcome on the show.
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  It's so nice to hell. Yeah, what a nickname. I'm sorry,
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  that's good. That is a good nicknames. That's pretty sweet. Like
• 6:09
  if you imagine like putting that on a shirt, Like, that's a dope
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  nickname they have, like on a shirt if you're making like the T shirt
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  jerseys, like for like adult softball, that's a dope one. I like
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  it. I have one that says, raise the stakes so that it happens.
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  Oh, I can tell her senses of humor are going to mash up
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  perfectly. So I was like, I know you told us a little bit
• 6:36
  about how you came to find MMHC but tell tell the listeners, like how
• 6:42
  did you find this show and why did you want to come on here and
• 6:46
  tell your mental health story. I was going through a little bit of a
• 6:48
  rough patch with my diagnosis bipolar, and I just kind of felt like I
• 6:55
  need to do a little more research on what this diagnosis really means to be
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  able to get better. Of course, I really do know what my diagnosis
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  is, but I just kind of felt like I needed to do more research
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  in the moment. So on Spotify. I clicked on my phone and I
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  was like, all right, let's put in bipolar and depression in Spotify,
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  and you guys came up, and right from the get go there was a
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  nice music starting it, and then I was like, give this a shot,
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  and I fell in love with just like listening to what you guys had
• 7:30
  to say. It wasn't anything that was too like really demanding or like this
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  is what it means. It was open ended and it was like a conversation.
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  I wanted to keep talking to you guys when I was listening to it,
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  so I was like, I bet they have a link tree on their
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  Instagram, and I went there and I emailed you guys pretty straightforward and here
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  I am, so I'm pretty popped. I like to think of myself as
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  the one that makes the information easy to understand, like it is a conversation.
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  So I'm glad you reached out, Isaac. I'm glad you want to
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  keep the conversation going. I think it takes a lot of courage to want
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  to share your story, and I don't want to, Like, we have
• 8:07
  a decent amount of listeners, so for you to want to open up to
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  anybody who's listening to anybody who may be in the same in the same boat
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  where they want to find some help and they and they reached a podcast.
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  I think we've talked about it, justin like the way people get information now
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  is way different than it was, you know, five six, seven years
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  ago. I found myself when when I was in Japan, like we we
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  went to a lot of Buddhist temples, and I took my phone out and
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  I started to look up like Buddhist podcasts, just so I could understand Buddhism
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  a little more because I'm not that familiar with it, and like we we
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  just try to find information in different ways. So I think it's really cool,
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  Like you you've used the technology we have nowadays to find this new information
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  and we connected. I think that's so cool. Yeah, it really is.
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  So give it to us, tell us the story and well and even
• 8:52
  when you reached out to us, I wanted to ask about this too.
• 8:56
  You had a whole, like professionally done video for a hospital system where you
• 9:03
  were able to tell your story a little bit. So I thought that was
• 9:05
  pretty cool. My brother made it. Actually, it was my brother put
• 9:09
  that together. He's a film of photography major out of Ithaca and he ended
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  up putting that together for me. So it was great. Shout out to
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  brother Steaks. Yeah, Steaks Steaks. So yeah, start from the beginning,
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  and we might interrupt you just to get more in details and things like
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  that, but yeah, tell us, tell us how this all started,
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  tell us your journey. Absolutely. So I just want to start at one
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  of the quotes I had when I was just starting to get really kind of
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  in a spot where I was getting sick, and it was, if you
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  apply yourself and you want to get better, you will get better. I
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  found that early on to me, something I stuck to in the hospital bed,
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  to my bed to walking outside with my dad getting the cobwebs out if
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  I was trying to get something going, like a day school. So back
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  at the beginning, I was a senior in high school where I loved everything
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  there was to high school, and I also loved all my friends. I
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  was in a good spot, I was making good grades, and basically it
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  was probably my day before the first day of high school in senior year.
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  I had a golf match and I just noticed something wasn't going right. And
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  what I mean by that is I was just in a spot where I didn't
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  know what was going on, and I never felt that before. Going back
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  a few years, I've never had a mental health diagnosis, so I didn't
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  know what was happening. So a lot of times when I was in that
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  situation at this golf match, I was like, what's wrong Because it was
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  not like I have a broken bone, It's not like I have a bloody
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  nose. Something in my head didn't seem right. And so I played that
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  golf match in Maine and I won that golf match, and I ended up
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  being one to know in my high school career, so that was cool.
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  But afterwards the golf match ended and it was the first day of high school.
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  The next day, and granted I still was just kind of in a
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  bad spot. I was really scatter brained. I just didn't feel like myself.
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  Isaac wasn't there anymore, and I couldn't really put a nail on it.
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  I was like, I didn't do anything to make this happen, So
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  why am I acting so frantic? Why am I acting so sad? Why
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  am I acting so angry all of a sudden. So come forward to midway
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  through the day. I just didn't feel right, and I had a golf
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  practice or a golf match. At the end of the day. I had
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  to end up going home from the golf practice. I didn't feel like it
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  was something I could control. I just need to get out of there,
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  and felt like I had to do everything I could to take a left in
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  my car to make sure I was going to get home. I had convinced
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  myself to go left. I was like, Oh my gosh, what's going
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  on. I can't figure it out. I get home, I fall into
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  my mother's arms. I say, something's wrong and I need to fix it.
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  But something's wrong. My mom, confused, concerned and didn't know what
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  to do, runs me to urgent care. Urgent care. I get there,
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  they're kind of like, so you're hearing voices, do you feel like
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  you're just confused? I don't know what's going on, but I want to
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  make it better, and whatever it takes, I want that to happen.
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  So to R visits later. Next two days, back to back, I
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  didn't sleep for forty eight hours. Doctors were leading to maybe schizophrenia. When
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  I first was admitted to a hospital remain so they weren't really sure what was
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  going on. It was pretty pretty intense. So I'm in the hospital.
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  It's it's like any other hospital, but I'm in there and I don't know
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  where I am. I'm confused what's going on. I'm confused where I am,
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  who I am. I've lost touch with it, to be frank,
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  And when I come down to it, I didn't. I just didn't feel
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  good and I wanted to feel better. And there were there were hints and
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  moments in the hospital where I felt like myself for a second and I got
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  that like almost excited feeling. I'm like, oh, maybe I maybe I
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  am gonna get better, Maybe I will feel better. I'm not a bad
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  person. I always felt like I was a bad person that was my thing
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  I would go to. It was like I'm a bad person. I'm I'm
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  not I'm not meant to be here. And throughout all this I wanted to
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  keep going. I could see like a little light when I was there.
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  I was like, I was like, it's there. I know I can
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  get better, but I just got to keep going. So my parents,
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  my parents didn't miss a day visiting me. Um. They knew that I
• 14:00
  was there. They were not confident I would graduate high school. They weren't
• 14:03
  confident that I would, you know, keep going in this journey. You
• 14:07
  know. It was just like I was in such a state of confusion that
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  they didn't know what was next for me. So yeah, it's it's pretty
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  heavy. It's a lot of like bad, you know, like things weren't
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  looking good when I was at when I was in the hospital in Maine and
• 14:26
  in Lewiston. So I got out after three weeks and I took about two
• 14:31
  months off of high school and I went to a program called the PEER program.
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  It stands for Portland Identification and Early Referral. I will say they are
• 14:43
  the reason why I am working a job, graduated high school, graduated college.
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  Without them, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have gone on that next step,
• 14:54
  you know, because I would get out of the hospital and then be
• 14:56
  like, what next. There's such a good avenue to go from hospital to
• 15:01
  transition back to society. I mean, without it, I don't know.
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  It's something I think about a lot, you know, just like whoa what
• 15:09
  if? What if they weren't there? So they had a family, they
• 15:13
  had some family groups I go to on once a week basis. I had
• 15:18
  a counsel I go to, and there was a psychiatrist. I got on
• 15:22
  the right meds. I got going, and I finally walked through the doors
• 15:28
  of Freeport High School again for the first time after about three months, and
• 15:35
  my mom parked the car by the parking lot, sat there and cried and
• 15:41
  didn't think. I make it five minutes and I made it through that whole
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  block, And that was spectacular. I was able to make it through the
• 15:52
  block. I didn't say anything in that class, but I was present.
• 15:54
  I was there. I was able to just like go for it and be
• 15:58
  there. I hugged from my friends. I still couldn't really feel emotion very
• 16:02
  well. I was kind of like all right, this is cool, Like
• 16:04
  all right, I'm here, I'm supposed to be here, and I and
• 16:07
  I felt like it was a it was a really cool place to be again.
• 16:11
  And I honestly, I don't I don't think I missed a day.
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  I kept going. I only had one class each day, but I'd go
• 16:18
  to those classes, and they were able to get me to graduate Freeport and
• 16:22
  they were able to get me to graduate. Um. I went to college
• 16:26
  and I got back to a good spot. It wasn't easy. I still
• 16:30
  feel effects of bipolar. I was diagnosed with psychosis in the hospital where I
• 16:37
  was basically just in a state of confusion, lost as a reality. And
• 16:41
  I still take any psychotics, i'd take any depressions, I'd take lithium,
• 16:45
  which has been a new men for me that's worked really well. Lithium has
• 16:48
  been awesome. I took debicote for about five years and it kind of where
• 16:52
  it war off for a little while, and that was kind of rough.
• 16:55
  So, UM, I ended up having to go to something new and it's
• 16:57
  been it's been good. I've been I've been enjoying that. So that's the
• 17:03
  bulk of the story. You know. I went through a really rough patch
• 17:06
  for about a year, and I looked. So that's another things. I
• 17:10
  have a picture of myself in Ithaca of visiting my brother. I looked just
• 17:14
  like pale, Like it looked like I was a different person. And I
• 17:18
  go to now and I'm amazed of how vibrant I am, and I'm amazed
• 17:22
  of how how excited i am to go to these places like Bitter Sweet Ridge,
• 17:29
  a disc golf course and see all my buddies. It's like it's like
• 17:30
  something that never it. It happened, but it feels like it wasn't that
• 17:34
  significant to bump me down to not want to keep doing this. And so
• 17:38
  that's why I like, I wanted to share the story because I know there
• 17:42
  are people going through these type of things. They're listening to this podcast too,
• 17:47
  and I want them to feel better and I want them to have that
• 17:49
  shared story and to be able to feel like they're not alone. Yeah,
• 17:53
  because I definitely felt like I was alone there for a little bit and it
• 17:56
  was very, very frightening. So so if you apply yourself and you want
• 18:03
  to get better, you will get better. And I really emphasize that it's
• 18:07
  it's not over. You will get there if you apply yourself. Thank you,
• 18:11
  Isaac that's yeah, it's so real. I think of, like you
• 18:14
  know, if you've heard on the show, like I'm out of high school
• 18:17
  and we get times where we have kids in crisis, like summits of like
• 18:21
  you were explaining, like something is just off and they need like a higher
• 18:23
  level of care and support and hearing your story of like I feel like I
• 18:27
  missed that part of Like the only parts I think about are in the moment
• 18:33
  crisis and then first day back at school, But I don't think about the
• 18:36
  in between part, and even the in between part of like physically from the
• 18:41
  parking lot to the front door, Like I say, that's a huge piece
• 18:44
  that I don't even think about. So getting to hear that from you,
• 18:45
  it's like all these things are running through my head. I'm like, damn
• 18:48
  man, Like I'm I almost feel like maybe sometimes I make it seem like
• 18:52
  it's that simple to get back into the building, but it's really not,
• 18:56
  like there's there's a just physically the parking spot to the front door, Like
• 19:00
  that's that's the challenge in itself. So thank you for sharing. That's that's
• 19:04
  really powerful. I wanted to just recap too. So it sounds like during
• 19:10
  the golf tournament when this all started to come on. It sounds like you
• 19:12
  weren't really sleeping that much. Maybe some irritability, some confusion, So it
• 19:18
  sounds like maybe this was a manic episode with psychotic features. Is that what
• 19:22
  you were told? Okay, Yes, that's what I was told, is
• 19:25
  that I basically was having mania and with psychotic features, and the stress was
• 19:30
  so great with everything that was going on, from my brother going to college,
• 19:37
  my cat died, from going to my senior year, thinking about college,
• 19:42
  golf team was new. I had a lot going on and that and
• 19:47
  that can be a big trigger. Is like doing a lot of stuff and
• 19:52
  doing a lot of new things can get too much stress and it builds up
• 19:55
  and overflows. Absolutely. That's why we talk about the two hit hypothesis and
• 20:00
  mental health is that there are genetic predispositions that make you more likely to have
• 20:03
  these things, but it's the stressors that bring them on. Really, and
• 20:08
  what you were describing with the confusion and not knowing what was going on,
• 20:14
  that almost sounded like disorganized thought and disorganized speech to me, which is the
• 20:18
  official like symptom of psychosis that doctors are looking for. So, yeah,
• 20:23
  you had it man, Yeah, I had it all like I had.
• 20:27
  I remember, I still do it a little bit where it's like there's there's
• 20:32
  disorganized like speech like you you do talk too fast or you don't know where
• 20:36
  you're going with something, and it flickers sometimes. But the medication helps tremendously.
• 20:41
  So that's that's why it's I'm still doing so well. Is that I
• 20:45
  want to do better and and just other other good things for mental health like
• 20:48
  exercise and stuff like that. So anytime medication gets brought up on the show,
• 21:03
  I always like, maybe not physically, but like my mind looks straight
• 21:06
  to Justin because I have no idea when it comes to meds, but I
• 21:11
  just I guess I want to hear a little more of like what you're what
• 21:14
  has the medication management journey been like for you? Like you've already mentioned a
• 21:18
  few meds like this worked for a little bit. This kind of made me
• 21:21
  this way, like how has that medication management been for you? I know,
• 21:25
  bipolar is definitely one of the diagnoses where meds is huge, Like meds
• 21:30
  is are very important, So what has that been like for you? It's
• 21:33
  not been easy in the hospital. I'll start from there, like in the
• 21:37
  hospital. I really want to take those meds. Yeah, I was like,
• 21:41
  yep, given to me. I never I never was like, nah,
• 21:45
  I'm not feeling that. I knew they helped, and I kept taking
• 21:48
  them, kept doing it. And then I had a few times where I
• 21:51
  was in college and after college that I just didn't feel like I wanted to
• 21:56
  take them anymore. I was like, I'm feeling I'm feeling good right now.
• 22:00
  In the moment, I'm feeling great. But when I stopped taking them
• 22:03
  for a week or two, show, Yeah, it really it really went
• 22:07
  downhill for a second. It wasn't It wasn't the stature of like going downhill,
• 22:12
  like I was going to have a psychotic episode. It was like I
• 22:15
  was getting super irritable. My speech was slurred. I wasn't feeling like myself
• 22:18
  again. I was like, oh wait, I'm not taking my meds right
• 22:22
  now, aren't I. And so being independent adult is hard when you have
• 22:27
  bipolar. It's like you're you're always trying to manage a lot of stuff and
• 22:33
  throw meds on top of that, and throw going to your going your psychiatric
• 22:37
  appointments, go to counselor appointments, and like wanting to play disc golf,
• 22:40
  wanting to go to work. You know, it's it's a lot going on.
• 22:42
  So it's been a journey for sure. Yeah, and thank you for
• 22:45
  opening up and talking about this stuff too. And I think there is sometimes
• 22:51
  even an element of withdrawing from your medicines that can make you even more irritable
• 22:55
  than your baseline, because your body gets so used to those things that if
• 22:57
  you take them all the way at once, it just makes things a lot
• 23:02
  worse. You were also on some medicines that you mentioned that have some serious
• 23:07
  side effects like weight gain, especially the a Lantippine's iprexa is one that we
• 23:11
  associate with a ton of weight gain. Depicote has a ton of weight gain
• 23:15
  too, Like, what are some of the side effects that have that you
• 23:18
  have had because of these medicines. Yeah, weight gain was my number one.
• 23:22
  I was probably around one eighty when I went any two hundred when I
• 23:27
  was first really sick, and then to now my highest was three fifteen.
• 23:36
  I really went up in weight. And not to say my diet isn't the
• 23:40
  best, but I disc golf and I am very very into exercising, and
• 23:45
  I like I was looking at myself and I'm like, why isn't the shedding
• 23:48
  weight, Like why is this not going away? And so it was either
• 23:53
  and that's one of the key factors of me, like not wanting to take
• 23:56
  meds is like I look big. I don't want to look big. I'm
• 24:02
  not going to take these for a little bit. So I lose some weight
• 24:06
  and like that stinks. That sucks. It's like I want to I just
• 24:11
  want to be able to lose weight like everybody else, but I have to
• 24:12
  commit. It's like, but I will say now I've got down to two
• 24:18
  ninety two with landscaping job that is started, and it has helped tremendously with
• 24:23
  my mental health too, just being able to like be outside all day and
• 24:26
  swing some shovels and do stuff like that. I'm on the gardening side,
• 24:30
  and it's it's really cool. Yeah, good for you. I know Justin's
• 24:34
  excited about that outside part. We talk a lot about the getting outside and
• 24:40
  being active and like, I'm glad to hear that. That's because it doesn't
• 24:44
  feel it doesn't feel fair, like to have to choose like one or the
• 24:47
  other, like if this medication is going to help me out, but then
• 24:49
  there is side effects we talk about how like I think we're the only country
• 24:53
  that allows maybe not the only country, both. You know, we have
• 24:56
  medications, you're allowed to have commercials for it, and they always they'll do
• 25:00
  the commercials and they make these these medications sound amazing and everyone's dancing and high
• 25:04
  fiving. But then at the end you have the person who like speed reads
• 25:08
  all the side effects. You're like, fuck, man, like to make
• 25:12
  me choose? That feels unfair. Oh yeah, definitely unfair. Yeah,
• 25:17
  And I have to keep in mind myself that I don't want to be in
• 25:21
  that spot again of not knowing where I am. So I kind of choose
• 25:25
  the med And I don't like saying that either, because it's like I don't
• 25:29
  want to choose the med I want to I want to just be okay with
• 25:33
  it. Yeah, And I'm just like, it's okay to take it.
• 25:36
  It's there and it's not me. I am not. I am not the
• 25:40
  depico, I am not the lithium. I'm Isaac. Yeah, I'm not.
• 25:42
  I'm not that thing. It's not I'm not bipolar either. That's the
• 25:47
  other thing. People very the stigma like, oh he has bipolar, so
• 25:51
  that's that's him. Yeah, not true. No, yeah, yeah,
• 25:55
  we I'm actually I was telling justin before we started recording. I'm giving a
• 25:57
  training tomorrow on it's called Youth Mental Health First Aid, and it's just helping
• 26:03
  like teach anybody who's in contact with They have an adult version too, but
• 26:07
  just anyone who's basically in contact with people, you know, how to work
• 26:11
  through any kind of crisis or how to be a support. And one of
• 26:14
  the sections I'm talking about tomorrow is like person centered or strength based language and
• 26:19
  not just labeling people what their diagnosis is and not just focusing on that because
• 26:23
  you're right, like it's it's something you've experienced, it's something that's a part
• 26:27
  of you, but it doesn't describe all of you. We've already talked about
• 26:30
  all the other things that you engage in and that you like to do and
• 26:33
  that are a part of you. Bipolar is just a small piece out of
• 26:37
  the whole puzzle that makes that makes you up, that makes up by Isaac
• 26:41
  and makes upstakes. Yeah. Absolutely, that's me. I wanted to ask
• 26:45
  a little bit. I know my perspective has changed in the different jobs I've
• 26:48
  had in my career, and first job being in really on a crisis team
• 26:52
  and going to the hospitals and just kind of seeing like the medical side of
• 26:56
  it, like what was your experience like in the hospital, but like the
• 27:00
  visits. And then this might be a this might be a big question,
• 27:03
  but I feel free to answer and the best way possible. But did it
• 27:07
  did it change your perspective at all? Of like our healthcare system, healthcare
• 27:10
  services, it's one thing to know about them, but it's also another thing
• 27:14
  to have to live through it. So what was that like for you?
• 27:17
  I didn't really have much knowledge before going into a mental hospital like what it
• 27:22
  was like, you know. I remember being like, oh, this must
• 27:26
  be like a psych ward and then that kind of that word is one that
• 27:30
  I relate to of like not great. I didn't I didn't like using it,
• 27:34
  but I was I was in a place I don't even know where I
• 27:37
  was. I wouldn't say I had anything that was like bad to say about
• 27:42
  the health system, but it definitely, it definitely is so eye opening when
• 27:48
  you're there and from I'll say like this, this is when I was there
• 27:52
  and I really knew who I was, where I was, what was going
• 27:55
  on. I noticed like more things like when somebody else was in crisis and
• 28:00
  what was happening for them. I noticed they really handled it pretty well.
• 28:04
  I think these people that are working in these type of scenarios are our life
• 28:10
  savers. I mean, it's such a hard job. I can't imagine,
• 28:12
  you know. I was out there pacing around a room for hours at a
• 28:18
  time, and they had to just keep your mind to me. You are
• 28:19
  safe, You are a good person. Yeah you are not. You're a
• 28:22
  good person, And it's just the repetitiveness got to be so hard. Yeah.
• 28:27
  You mentioned that you didn't really know much about mental health before all of
• 28:30
  this. Do you think that if you would have known more about bipolar disorder
• 28:36
  going into it in the moment, you would have had more idea of like,
• 28:41
  oh, this seems like maybe I'm having like a like a manic symptoms
• 28:45
  or like or would that have been too hard with what was going on?
• 28:48
  I would say about it was a week before school. I went to my
• 28:52
  mom and I think, Mom, I think I'm depressed. And I didn't
• 28:57
  really know like if that was true or not on what was going on.
• 29:00
  And I I think if I if I was educated in school better for just
• 29:07
  what mental health really can look like, for people, maybe I would have
• 29:11
  known. And it was so sudden though that I don't know if it would
• 29:15
  have helped, because it was like it was a flick of a switch.
• 29:18
  It was one day I was feeling okay, and the next day I was
• 29:22
  feeling like I was not okay at all. So I don't know, that's
• 29:26
  I don't I don't know if it really would have helped. Yeah, I
• 29:30
  also wanted to We've had experience with, you know, working with the individual
• 29:33
  who's like in the middle of a manic episode, and like I think,
• 29:38
  to be on the other side of it, like I was almost so like
• 29:41
  taken aback as to what was happening and like trying to like keep everything straight
• 29:45
  up like what they were telling me and like where they were at, like
• 29:48
  thought process wise, that it took me a little bit to understand like,
• 29:52
  oh, shoot, like this is this is a manic episode. And it
• 29:56
  wasn't like a right away thing. So even though we have like I guess,
• 29:59
  the extra education about it or we should be the quote experts about it,
• 30:03
  still in the moment, it wasn't It wasn't something that was super like,
• 30:06
  oh that's exactly what it is. It still took a little bit.
• 30:08
  So even if you know, you don't you don't know until you know,
• 30:11
  but then you don't know when you do know, it like it's just this
• 30:15
  is like cycle. Oh yeah. And then was there anyone in your family
• 30:21
  that had a history of bipolar because it can be somewhat of a genetic thing,
• 30:25
  and sorry to maybe if it's too personal of a question, you certainly
• 30:29
  don't have to. That's that's fine. I both of my grandmothers on my
• 30:33
  dad and mom's side, one of them had bipolar. On my mom's side.
• 30:37
  The other side, um, when my dad was probably about just getting
• 30:42
  in the college. I think that was the timeline she got dementia and both
• 30:48
  have passed on now. But I didn't know that there was some mental health
• 30:52
  stuff going on the family, and that's what was said early on. I
• 30:56
  remember in the first visit to the urgent care, I was like, yeah,
• 31:00
  we have some dimension on one side bipolar on the other, and so
• 31:04
  maybe it's something like that. So I remember that coming up a couple of
• 31:07
  times. The fact that it can be genetic. Actually just went to a
• 31:11
  good grand rounds on bipolar disorder, and they were arguing that a lot of
• 31:17
  times if you're in a manic episode. If you do have that ton of
• 31:21
  energy, you feel really good, You feel really good about yourself, and
• 31:25
  you may even be feeling hypersexual. You're more likely to have a kid and
• 31:27
  pass those genes down. So the genetic aspect of it is kind of fascinating
• 31:33
  to me, especially because you're more likely to especially for women with bipolar,
• 31:37
  you're more likely to have a manic episode in a time that would have like
• 31:41
  healthier babies, like the babies would be born in springtime. So just to
• 31:45
  give some extra information on how we see this as always a bad thing.
• 31:51
  We kind of see this as a disease. But from an evolutionary standpoint,
• 31:56
  sometimes it is an advantage for people to have some of these things. But
• 32:00
  living in the modern world with these things is can be really tough. And
• 32:04
  so my next question is, did you ever have any other manic episodes or
• 32:07
  any other psychotic episodes after that first big one? I have? I want
• 32:13
  to say, like small manic episodes here and there, but I like to
• 32:15
  say they're subdued from the medication and other good practices. All It's funny,
• 32:22
  like when you have a manic episode, Danny, does it feel good?
• 32:25
  For a little bit, Like it's it's like I feel good, like I'm
• 32:29
  little, play golf, I'm going to work, I've got i've got an
• 32:31
  apartment, i have a fiance. You know, you feel you feel these
• 32:36
  feels and it's like, oh, I'm good. But then when it goes
• 32:37
  off, it goes off and it's like not good and you feel depressed.
• 32:42
  So yeah, I've I've never had one that lasts more than a week of
• 32:46
  like depressive episodes, and then I'll have like maybe one that'll last like two
• 32:52
  or three days of mania. I see it as like a schedule of two
• 32:54
  or three days of manic and then a two to three days of depressive and
• 32:59
  so that's basically by bowl or two. I believe that's that would be that.
• 33:02
  Yeah. Yeah, So in a way it's like, well, that
• 33:07
  is probably it. And I look at it as I'm having a manic episode.
• 33:12
  And when I when that, when I do that, and I feel
• 33:14
  like, oh, it's kind of like I hit the wall for a little
• 33:16
  bit. I'm like, dang it, it happened again. But it's good
• 33:20
  to it's good to realize it and put it and put the nail on it
• 33:22
  a little bit. So Yeah, it's got to feel like almost empowering to
• 33:27
  like know if if it's if it's coming on, you're like, Okay,
• 33:30
  I know exactly what this is, like I can I can handle this where
• 33:34
  it's like the very first time you're like what the like, what the fuck
• 33:36
  is happening? Like this is like So that's I mean, that's that's really
• 33:39
  hopeful to hear. I mean for anybody who's listening who might um have experienced
• 33:44
  something like this before and are afraid like another amanic episode may happen. Just
• 33:46
  for people's general knowledge, that is really helpful and hopeful to hear about.
• 33:52
  Yeah, ride the wave. I really believe in that. Like, there
• 33:55
  is only so much medication you can take, there's only so much good practice
• 34:00
  you can do. But when you get to that spot where you feel a
• 34:04
  little manic, be like, all right, I'm manic right now, and
• 34:07
  it's good. It's good to tell your spouse or tell somebody I feel a
• 34:12
  little bit of manic going on right now, and then maybe you can digest
• 34:15
  it from there. You know, don't don't just keep it all inside,
• 34:19
  because if you do, that's when it gets really bad, is when you
• 34:22
  don't tell somebody. That was the number one thing a lot of people will
• 34:24
  tell me in the in the field, is that you told people when you
• 34:29
  didn't feel good. A lot of people don't tell people when they don't feel
• 34:31
  good, and that can be very crucial. Do you talk about a little
• 34:35
  bit with the telling people And you've mentioned it with your parents always being there
• 34:38
  for you when you were in the hospital and bless them, that's that's awesome
• 34:42
  that they were able to do that for you. How how did this impact
• 34:45
  your relationship with like friends and family? How is that How is that experience
• 34:50
  for you and from their perspective. We only told about two of my close
• 34:53
  friends when I wasn't in high school for two months what was going on.
• 34:58
  We didn't want to tell, you know, the student body like Isaac's out
• 35:00
  because it's in the hospital. I mean, that just doesn't really go well.
• 35:05
  Um, so I didn't tell him many people. I got letters a
• 35:10
  thing. I got letters all the time from people in the hospital. I
• 35:15
  was the one that always had mail. They're like, man, you always
• 35:16
  get mail. Yeah, yeah, it's it's cool. I didn't even know
• 35:22
  what was going on. I'm like, hope of these things, like you
• 35:23
  know, all right, that's all right, and they're like, that's really
• 35:28
  cool, dude, you got a lot of mail. Alright. So yeah,
• 35:34
  I got a lot of mail and that was cool. But I didn't
• 35:37
  know what was going on. And with my friends, they were supportive.
• 35:43
  Um, they were knowing that I was going through a tough patch whatever it
• 35:45
  may be. They were there for me. You know. I remember going
• 35:49
  back to school and when my friends said, dude, you only missed two
• 35:52
  months of homework, you're all right, funny, I was like, yes,
• 35:59
  no, I respond to it. And so that was pretty that was
• 36:01
  pretty hilarious. But my parents were always there for me. They visited every
• 36:06
  day. Um, you know, we talked about sports, we talked about
• 36:10
  anything you know that was going on. Um, you know, I was
• 36:15
  always excited to see him. That was like my number one thing. It
• 36:16
  was just like when my parents coming in. So the bond is still there.
• 36:21
  I call my mom all the time. Still, I'm able to like
• 36:23
  just I can vent to them whenever I need to, which is amazing.
• 36:28
  That's that's great to hear. Are you open with people with the fact that
• 36:32
  you have bipolar Like you're on the show, you're talking about it, but
• 36:36
  in your personal life, like are you like, oh, are you do
• 36:38
  you tell anyone or do you still kind of keep it close to the chest
• 36:40
  like when it first happened a little bit of both. I mean I feel
• 36:45
  like I do tell some people I have bipolar, my close friends, um,
• 36:52
  But a lot of the time I kind of just say, like,
• 36:53
  I have a mental health condition I might have to deal with sometimes, and
• 36:58
  if I'm not at work or something like that, way a boss, I'll
• 37:00
  talk to him and be like, yeah, I like straight out when I
• 37:05
  got hired, I was like, I have a mental health condition that can
• 37:07
  cause me not to come to work some days, and that's just what's going
• 37:10
  to happen if that's okay. So being open and honest about it is very
• 37:15
  crucial. I don't say I don't love saying the word bipolar because a lot
• 37:19
  of people go to like, so you get angry a lot, and I
• 37:22
  hate that. Yeah that's not how it works. Yeah, yeah, not
• 37:28
  good. So yeah, I don't use the word a lot, but I
• 37:30
  do describe that I have a mental health condition. And you brought up a
• 37:36
  great point that we have mentioned on this show before that a lot of times
• 37:39
  society thinks bipolar disorder is you just get angry easily. But that is not
• 37:45
  it medically speaking, that is not bipolar. That's actually more along the lines
• 37:50
  of like borderline personality disorder and having like a hyperactive amygdala or that part of
• 37:54
  your brain that controls that anger. So there's a reason why people are that
• 37:59
  way. But yeah, what society thinks bipolar is is completely wrong. Yeah,
• 38:05
  otis. Yeah, absolutely, man, Isaac, this has been cool.
• 38:08
  Thank you. I really appreciate it. Yeah, we can only say
• 38:13
  so much, like we can only share so much experience to hear, like
• 38:16
  your real life experience, to hear that you're doing well and thriving and doing
• 38:22
  the best that you can and there's a lot of improvements since then and being
• 38:24
  able to do that and take care of yourself, and that's great. And
• 38:29
  I think I really hope that at least one person is able to hear this
• 38:32
  and relate to it and be like, Okay, I can I can do
• 38:36
  it, because stakes is tell me I can do it. Absolutely forward the
• 38:40
  stakes. It's so true. I mean, if you apply yourself you want
• 38:45
  to get better, you will get better. And if as long as you
• 38:49
  put in that effort, and it might feel like you're putting in zero effort.
• 38:51
  But if you put on those two socks in the morning you get dressed,
• 38:54
  that's effort. Yeah, you know, some days it's all you can
• 38:57
  do it. This depends. I mean some days you feel like you've just
• 39:00
  ran a marathon the day before and you're just pooped, but you just know
• 39:05
  you gotta. You can put in that a little bit of effort and you
• 39:07
  know you're trying, then you'll get better. The phrase that you have,
• 39:13
  if you apply yourself and you believe that you can get better, you'll get
• 39:15
  better. That's so cool, that's so important. It's made such an impact
• 39:20
  in your life. Any other parting words that you have for anyone who might
• 39:24
  be struggling with bipolar disorder or any mental health disorder in general, like what
• 39:29
  would you tell him? Be open to the ones you love about what's going
• 39:34
  on for you. Don't feel ashamed about what's happening. I tell my fiance
• 39:40
  Arianna everyone, and usually how I'm feeling. And if I don't feel good,
• 39:45
  I tell her, Yeah, I want to make sure she knows that
• 39:47
  I'm going through it right now. She's always a text away. I give
• 39:52
  a lot of credit to Arianna is not easy being in a relationship with somebody
• 40:00
  that has a very tough mental health condition. I don't say that a lot,
• 40:05
  but it's just so true. I mean, it's it's not easy,
• 40:09
  but she loves me to death and I love her to death, and we're
• 40:13
  gonna get married September second, and it's gonna be just pieces of roaches.
• 40:17
  It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait. There's always somebody for you in
• 40:22
  this world. Even if you have a diagnosi and it's it's not doesn't mean
• 40:29
  that's who you are. It doesn't mean that's who you're gonna be. That's
• 40:32
  just a little something maybe on your shoulder. You can just get away for
• 40:37
  a little bit if you really need to, just forget about it for a
• 40:39
  second. Find that thing that you love to do, like disc golf,
• 40:44
  Find somebody that can call you awesome nickname like Steaks, Like the whole state
• 40:46
  of me call me Steaks. It's hilarious you guys said that, because I'm
• 40:52
  like, am I going to introduce like them that my nickname is Steaks?
• 40:55
  The first thing you say, oh, stakes, Like, oh that's perfect.
• 40:59
  So that broke that ice y. Yeah, I'll leave it at that
• 41:05
  just just be yourself and know that you are loved and just keep going,
• 41:10
  keep trucking. So thank you. We're ending in it on that. We
• 41:15
  can't say it any better. Thank you, Isaac. We appreciate you.
• 41:20
  Congrats in three months less than three months on your marriage. Shout out for
• 41:25
  being such a support for you. I'll say one more time, thank you
• 41:30
  for to unplug Tech for sponsoring today's episode. Isaac, our Boys Steaks.
• 41:35
  You're a friend of the show now. Thank you so much for being a
• 41:37
  listener. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Justin I'll play us
• 41:40
  out. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts on Apple podcasts,
• 41:44
  on Spotify if you if you feel so inclined to do so, please feel
• 41:46
  free to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, you can also leave
• 41:51
  a comment. You can find us on social media on TikTok, Instagram,
• 41:53
  Twitter, YouTube at Millennial MHC. Thank you all for listening. Thank you
• 41:59
  again to Isaac for being such a great guest, for being able to share
• 42:01
  a story, and as always, take care of your mentals.