Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Finding Clarity in Conversations and Relationships | Pillow Fort EP 30

Transcript

Finding Clarity in Conversations and Relationships | Pillow Fort EP 30 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire, the Pillowfort Sessions, with your host, the Cuddle Gigolo aka Taco Knuckles, aka Fresno Bob, aka Colonel McBee, or just Julius or, if you're so formally inclined, hh Julius.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: But yes, julius is here.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: And a happy new year to everybody.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: This is the first well, around the kinky campfire any episode, let alone the pillow fort sessions, of the new year, and we are enjoying ourselves.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: The new year is upon us.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: New year means new changes.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: We try new things, doing all different kinds of things now with the podcast.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: So look forward to that through the new year, but for right now it's just julius by himself.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Hopefully we'll have more guests, more interesting guests, doing a little expansion of the criteria.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Now, focus, I don't know area, topics, topics there we go.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Topics, coverage, expanding the coverage of this podcast to many different things.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But we're still going to have that bdsm, queer and non-monogamous umbrella all over everything.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: So we're related back to all of that somehow.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: But for now now I know what you guys are asking what am I drinking Right now?
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I'm drinking a little Moscow.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: It is a weekend night and it's getting chilly.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Once again we are in Florida.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: That's where, well, most of us are that are on this podcast or talk on here or whatever, and it's getting chilly.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: By chilly I mean the 60s.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's freezing.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: To some of us here that's fine.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Some people like the cold.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I do not.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: So I like my 95-degree, 100-degree weather.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: This really sucks.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: But I'm drinking something and I did run today, so I'm a little bit warmer than usual, but I feel like if you want to break the cold, you just drink more cold stuff instead of drinking hot stuff, because I feel like if you drink hot stuff, it just makes you colder at some point because you heat up and whatever.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Anyways, I'm drinking a little Tequila, mascal and some, as you know, the energy drink of champions and the seltzer water, all those different kind of things, but nothing is sponsored as of yet.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: We were still wanting sponsors.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: We'll take the sponsors, however, because you know Julius is a whore for the sponsorships.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: But we'll get into it real quick, real quick.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Five seconds, because literally that's all it's been.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: M-a-s-m-r here we go.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Oh man, that's all it's been.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Asmr here we go.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Oh man, that's strong.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can only do five seconds of that, okay.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: So y'all heard me rant before the last time.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: It's been almost a month now, I think since the last time y'all heard me talk.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: This is the first Thursday of the year, right after really, right, yeah, the second.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, right after the new year, this is the second day of the new year.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Hold on, let me double check that.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Of course this is recorded beforehand.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: But yes, by the time you hear this it will be the second of January, starting off the year correctly.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it'll be good for the whole entire year and keep the pattern going.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: But pillow fort sessions.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: You know I like to, I like to rant.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So right now I'm just going to do more ranting, like I did the end of the year, and, uh, doing some random topics, but stuff we've covered before I've covered before by myself, uh, throughout this year, especially doing more and more solo podcasts.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Probably just going to mix those in, like I've been doing, but more consistently, consistently oh, the koala is already affecting me, okay.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: So you heard me talk many times about assumptions versus expectations, times about assumptions versus expectations.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So we will get into it here and talk about actual, precise precisities of what's going on.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Assumptions I hate them, you know I do so much.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Let's just stop with assumptions already, my goodness.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, so going to keep doing it because I listen to a lot of podcasts.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all know this, but I, julius, listen to a lot of podcasts.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: This is part of the reason why I wanted to start this particular podcast and a couple other ones, and it's driving me crazy because people are still making assumptions and you know what.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: That's's fine, that's all good for me.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I am going to drive myself crazy with it.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: That's totally fine, that's what I do.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: You don't have to react the way I do.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: But now I'm going to rant because I'm still working on communication.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: If you guys don't know why I'm doing this podcast, is I got tired of yelling at my TV, computer screen, phone, whatever have you?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Is I got tired of yelling at my TV, computer screen, phone, whatever have you?
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: And also working on, like you know, just the basic speaking skills.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Got to start with the ums and the sos, and I want to teach all this different stuff.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And yeah, that's what we want to do and working on that so far and we're going to build in 2025.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Every year we're going to work on something.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not cool just sitting in my comfortability and I'm tired of just yelling it.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Well, that's kind of the void.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: But you know, I'm going to do stuff with my knowledge, and what I'm doing now with this particular episode is working on that.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to talk about stuff.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start talking about stuff that I hear come up on news articles, regular articles, podcasts, tv shows, whatever have you and that's usually what I'm going to base these, these uh, pillow fort sessions in 2025 on, speaking of 2025 and projects.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll get to that at some point.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Uh goodness.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great, great goodness.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that whole thing is just driving me crazy, but we'll get into the details, because I don't know all the specific details.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to start working on that, getting all the information out there, and we'll see what happens.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's part of the switch, but I've never been you know what.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Speaking of which, let me go ahead and just break this down for y'all in the new year here, I am not particularly like super.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I have to include BDSM and non-monogamy in everything I talk about.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Y'all know from the Pillow Force sessions I see y'all listening.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Somebody's listening because there's downloads happening, so I know somebody's listening to this.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I don't need kink, bdsm, non-monogamy in all parts of my life, especially with the education part.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I just like it because that's who I am, so having it included just makes more sense.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Also, that's something I have a lot of experience and knowledge in, because I do research and I have opinions and I live it.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So I feel like there's not a lot of us, especially in the mainstream.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I should say they're probably like on the down low, just haven't heard of them.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: If you know some recommendations or people that would like to do this kind of thing, let me know, because you can always uh email the, the website, because yeah, this is uh very interesting where stuff pops up and we're kind of like not really segregated, we're just all over the place with our connections and stuff.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: The, the podcast, the taboo podcast community, is just kind of all over everywhere and it's hard to find other people locally, I guess, that are into the same thing.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that kind of thing.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I will take recommendation to kylie.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: So I feel like there is not a lot of representation for the bdsm and the non-monogamous worlds out there and a lot of people like to make jokes of it, not just saying just oh, you know, stand-up comedians.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Specifically, there's a lot of people like to make jokes of it, not just saying just, oh, you know, standup comedians specifically, there's a lot of relationship people that do that as well, and I'm just kind of fed up, or got fed up with it, cause there's nationally renowned, oh, relationship coaches and doctors and whatever, and it's like y'all still don't know about this.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: It's kind of, uh, it's kind of um, very judgy of me and I will say that I am a recovering judge, judgmental person, but it's like if you are an expert quote unquote expert of said field is like, would you not want to learn about all the different things?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: And I feel like there's a lot of like okay, this is me being super subjective and very judgy.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: My, my personal view is like why, why would you not want to learn all there is?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: If you're talking about relationships, learn about all the relationships, dynamics, relationships quote unquote more common ones versus uncommon ones, the taboo.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Learn all these different things.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I understand, we're all human, we can't learn everything, but still it's like you've heard of it.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: So why are you still just making guesses about it?
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Goodness, yeah.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: So this is why I started this whole thing in the first place and I like talking about this stuff and it fascinates me to do research on this stuff.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I am very much a researcher, so I enjoy just researching on these topics Everything I've talked about with y'all campsters.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I enjoy researching, even though it had me go back to my days of having to take notes from school, which I haven't done in a couple of decades because I'm old as shit.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: But I had to learn how to do that again.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Taking notes, I mean specifically, and it's like, oh, I forgot how to do this.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: This is a skill I haven't used in a long time.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: It literally felt like I was rubbing cobwebs off the part of my note-taking skill brain to do that kind of stuff, which was different compared to during all the podcast stuff, because I had never learned the podcast stuff before, which was very interesting to me, going from learning a new skill to picking up an old one again.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: But I have a lot of notes.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: People, even the little conversations I have have seemed so segmented and scattered all over the place.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: There was notes for that.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: That's part of how my brain works.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I had to put it all on paper and on a dock and talk about it and it was like, oh okay, I can do this still.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I still remember how to take notes and study, because that's literally what it was.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I had to study a little bit Kind of crazy on all these topics that I had never talked about before, but I knew about Lived experience but not academic experience and then once again quote unquote, teaching it to other people.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to start doing that more.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you'll see some videos of me actually teaching at some point Well, teaching professionally and then putting it on video.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Always forget to record stuff all the time.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: There's a whole new skill set that has to be done.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: There's a the podcasting thing here.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten better at it for the last couple years.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know, y'all tell me with your ratings and stuff like that, but actually recording like live events as a whole.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Another thing audio and sound, which is the same thing that I just said.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Audio and video and lighting and all all that different kind of stuff is like okay.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: And then some people are very helpful and some people don't know what they're doing either and it's shocking and but I don't, I'm not taught this stuff by somebody else.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I have to go do my own research and then try it and see if it works.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: A, a lot of experimentation.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Luckily, I've taken classes for failing gloriously and trying again and being applauded for trying and failing and all this stuff.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: So that is what I've been doing in the background.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So if those episodes are sporadic, that's why it's a learning process and sometimes you have to get the energy up just to do that.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Oh man, all right, I had to get that off my chest.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: That felt good.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Starting off the new year kind of sort of.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I will be, you know, opening up the curtain there behind the wizard.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I'm recording this at the end of 2024.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm assuming now that everybody's starting off the year right, especially if you're listening to this.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much and please continue to support the channel.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: We love y'all and God, no, can't say that.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Almost said the wrong thing.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Spirits bless you.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know Whatever you believe in Not very religious, but spiritual but it's, you know, neither here nor there.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, we're all going to end up somewhere at some point.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Whatever you believe in, not a religious podcast.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, back to assumptions and how they are versus expectations.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So you know, julius likes his definitions, so let's get all on the same starting point.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I don't really care if it's accurate or you believe it or not, but it is the clinical definition of stuff, so I'm just going to start there and you can take, take it how you will.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Assumptions are defined as a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen without proof.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: There's no proof.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Stop these assumptions.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: It literally says in the definition without proof so highly inaccurate.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even have to be like.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I guess accuracy probably has truth and facts in there in the definition.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Without proof so highly inaccurate, it doesn't even have to be like I guess accuracy probably has truth and facts in there in the definition.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to look that up.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: There's no point in that.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: The point is you're basing it off of something you have no evidence on.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: You're just kind of doing it and then you assume that somebody else feels the same way.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: You already get the right information.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I'm getting tired of these stupid assumptions.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Go get the proof that you need Without proof.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: That drives me crazy when people do that.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to assume this is true and whatever, with no facts whatsoever, based on my own experience, but I'm not going to confirm with other people and get a little bit of touch of reality.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I realize everybody has their own viewpoint on certain things and it's great and everything.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: That's why I really don't care about being factually right about stuff, because most of this is how I got information.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, you are free to go get information however you see fit.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Don't listen to me.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Go do your own research and then you can conceptualize, get the definition whatever you want to call it for yourself.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: You are free to do that.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: You are a grown adult.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Only 18 plus should be listening to this.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: So, grown adults, you can take the facts all you want, and it's crazy.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I can't say that Nope, take that back.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: It's odd that people see the same thing, sentence, evidence, whatever it is, and get two different responses.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Like birds aren't real.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: If y'all know what I'm talking about, birds ain't real.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Sure what, how, what Ice walls, that type of thing?
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you believe in aliens, good for you.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: If you believe in ghosts and spirits, good for you.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I want to believe in that stuff.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: But until I actually see an alien or see a ghost or an ice wall, I'm not going to believe it.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: But there are people that believe these things.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: No judgment here on that.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: You can believe whatever you want as far as that's concerned.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't understand.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: So all I care about is doing the research for myself and hopefully we can all start on the same page Doesn't mean we're going to end on the same page, but at least we'll start on the same page.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: That is why I like giving definitions.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: If you heard that definition I just gave you about assumptions and you don't agree, so be it.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm not going to talk to you but I'll talk at you through a podcast.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: But if we meet in person and we have a conversation, or if you and this is out into the ether the people that don't listen to the podcast and I, for example, see them in person I'm not going to really conversate with them, that's just.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you, we can't agree on what a clinical definition you looked it up on your phone and we don't agree with that, I don't know what else we can say.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: So I, yeah, listen to me, don't listen to me, but either way, I beg of you, do your own research.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Goodness, I don't even that's yeah, I just confused myself with that.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I spoke what I said because of a memory I had.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like I still can't, even though I'm saying it and I've known about it for years.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I had.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I'm like I still can't, even though I'm saying it and I've known about it for years.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: There are people out there that are like this and I still don't understand it, even in my old age.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I don't get it, but they're out there, okay.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Second part of assumptions versus expectations are expectations, which are defined as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, that was a weird definition.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that doesn't say anything about proof in that one.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, either one of these without proof, even though it doesn't say it in expectations.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Go get your proof, people.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Assumptions, let's just say, and expectations not versus expectations.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Thatptions, I should say, and expectations not versus expectations.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: That's what I put in my notes, but it's still all bad.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: You got to get your proof, people.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Strong belief is not facts.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Feelings are not facts.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: So I don't understand why we're doing this based off assumptions and expectations, with no proof whatsoever.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I love that there is without proof and assumptions.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Then you put that in expectations too.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: There's no facts.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: You've got this, whatever you idea that you came up in your head and you just haven't done it.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: And it's like, especially for me, it's hard to see what people do this with partners or like single people do this, make these generalizations, and it's like where are you getting this information from?
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Everybody that I know or everybody in my they say this, everybody I know and everybody in my generation or whatever my friends is like, okay, we're just going to make random assumptions, all right, we're all following up.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I can just make random assumptions too.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense, but I'm just going to say it and think it's true, with no facts whatsoever.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: We've done no research.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And it's like most of the time when somebody makes a generalization like that, where they say like, oh, it's just me.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: And it's like no people have researched this.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: People have written books and articles and pamphlets and made episodes of something on TV or on the internet about this.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: It's not just you.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: People have done research on this.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Go look it up.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: It takes literally five minutes for you to find something.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Driving me crazy.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: And y'all know how I feel about certain things, because I had an episode about demisexuality and asexuality.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't even know those were terms 10 years ago, but I did my research and I figured out oh, that's what I am.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: I kind of thought it was me too.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: So even my past self was being hypocritical to my current self now, because I used to make assumptions like that in the past.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: But then I did research and I'm like you know what.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: I've done this hypocritical thing multiple times.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should stop doing it.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: And then finally I stopped doing it for the most part, still recovering hypocritical person.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I will forever recovering hypocritical person.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: I will forever be hypocritical.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Let's just say I will forever be recovering from hypocrisy, ignorance, judgmentalism and awkwardness.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So I talk about all these different relationship skills and doing research, because I too am in that same place.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Was was in that same place.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: All those different words.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: So I beg you campsters, go out there and do your research, stop making assumptions.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I will keep harping about this until it becomes like no longer a norm, and I'm even basing this off of my own subjective experience and the stuff I intake Articles and shows Because people are still doing this.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I understand there's like an entertainment value.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Based off this, I guarantee you people, the people you see on any kind of whatever, including myself you're listening to me.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: This is not how I truly act in regular life.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I don't talk this much.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a huge introvert, so talking this much was definitely a skill I had to learn.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all were there in the beginning.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, the episodes are out there.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: You can go back and listen to them, but I suck at talking.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I did suck at talking.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I'm a recovering introvert.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I'm always going to say recovering because that means I'm working on it.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: There's a very famous awkward person named Vanessa Von Edwards and I believe everything she says.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: She claims that she's a recovering awkward person and I believe it too.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Everything, not everything.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Most of the things she talks about I agree with and it's like oh, me too.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: So I'll say that too, I'm recovering.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: That means I'm working on it.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, with that being said, I'm going to say a very famous quote by some person Unfounded assumptions lead to misunderstandings, conflict, poor decision-making and communication breakdowns.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: That last part is very important.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Unfounded assumptions, which is kind of crazy, because assumptions, as we said, has without proof in there.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: So they're already unfounded in the first place, we don't need to add.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Assumptions lead to misunderstandings.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: So no proof.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Go get your proof.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I don't get why we're doing this, especially with your partners.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Please, please, please people, go get those factual things.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Make sure you guys are on the same page, especially with your partners.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Let's not do this because everybody gets all uh, bitter about assumptions and you're basing a reality off of no proof whatsoever and then you're just getting mad at somebody.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: They probably didn't even notice what you were mad about.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Everybody has their own view on I don't know finances, cleanliness, hygiene, whatever you want to call it.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And if you don't say what you're looking for or what you expect, okay, but yeah, whatever you want.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: If you're not saying what you want, then how the person?
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Nobody can.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Psychics aren't real.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry for the people that believe in, like Miss Cleo and all those tarot.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, psychics aren't real people.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, believe what you want, don't believe me, but psychics aren't real.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Nobody can read your mind.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: That's just not how it is.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Speaking of dating, communication, mess ups.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: It's like why are we getting?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Why is there so like divisive, I don't know Kind of like a rivalry with partners?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Why is that a normal stereotypical thing and I'm super overgeneralizing here.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: If you do that, good for you, applause, good job.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: But it's kind of crazy to me that that's still like the ongoing norm stereotype type deal.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: You have animosity to your partner.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Why are we doing this to our partners?
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: We're supposed to be loving partners.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, that varies, that's a generic word, but if you're with somebody and you want to spend time with them, it's like why are you fighting with them?
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Why are you stressing them out, antagonizing them, whatever you want to say?
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: It's like why are we doing this to somebody we're supposed to enjoy being around?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I don't get it, doesn't make sense to me.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Why are we doing this?
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I don't understand why.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: This is an ongoing thing.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: There's no more ball and chain anymore.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: That's some 50s shit we need to come up into the.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: We're halfway to 2030.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Sure Math, if that works out correctly, is it the beginning of the year or the end of the year?
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: When you say you're halfway and then the fives Took a while there, not sponsored.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I don't get it.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I don't get it.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Why are we still doing this now?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Let's stop that.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, no more assumptions, expectations and relationships.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Let's talk this out.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've over-talked about this subject and I'm going to have to do it again.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have to do it.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Every episode.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: You're going to hear like a 10-minute rant from me about assumptions because people are still making them.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Let's stop doing this.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Talk to people.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Nobody knows what they're supposed to do.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Quote, unquote that's a stupid term.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I hate it.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Get it out of here.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, one big thing I learned in 2024, because this is 2025, is that I speak a different language than a lot of people.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: I will just say not to toot my own horn in a narcissistic way, but I'm just going to say it factually, I'm very observant and the way I speak is not in line with what I observe in my head.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: The thoughts in my head do not come out of my mouth, unfortunately.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Also, being an introvert, that's a big old thing there which is kind of interesting to have realized.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: It's just like oh yeah, I don't speak the same way that a lot of people do and I skip words.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: There's a Julius language language out there.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Some of my friends know what it is.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's like he means something else and I'm like I don't know what I mean because I thought it and I don't know if it came out correctly.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we, we as a people need to get in line, especially with our partners, with the same line of communication.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: So I would suggest documenting, not so much in a gotcha type sense like, oh, I screenscrowded this, this is what you said, gotcha.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: No, let's not do that with our partners.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I prefer to do it in a way as people get triggered, activated, whatever you want to call it, and they get anxious, and realities are different between different people.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: As you know, the saying is there's one side, there's two sides of the story and then there's the truth.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: So anytime you have a miscommunication thing, why don't you just go ahead and write it down?
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: That's my suggestion, not really founded on too much except for my own experiences.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: But people, if you have a problem with remembering past events and then you're with somebody that has a problem with remembering past events and then you're with somebody that has a problem remembering past events, it's probably like, maybe you should document that.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of people like to take pictures.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: Uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, yeah, it's uh-huh, let's, uh, let's do this and uh, because it's really simple, just write it down.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I I like google Docs because you can share it with people and be like hey, we agreed on this at this time.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: So do you still agree with this?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: You know it's helpful for getting consent and everything like that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: You don't have to put any specifics down, like you know, sex positions that were done or whatever play that was done.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do any of that if you don't want to, but it's, you know, let's realize that we might be speaking a different language.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: If you're the people that I'm talking to that have a miscommunication error a lot of the times and it feels like it's just, oh, they're forgetful, they don't remember anything, it's probably.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, check to see if they were triggered.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: You know co-regulation I believe I've talked about that as well on this podcast.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Co-regulation is a thing and, yeah, we should probably be doing that with our partners.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: That's a recovery technique that a lot of the smart people say not me.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: The doctors and trained, certified people say that co-regulation is good for you know all kinds of stuff, especially with your partners.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Uh, you, I would suggest you could do with family and friends as well to stop triggering your partners and maybe that's why their memory sucks.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just saying that kind of like passively, but that could be a reason somebody was activated and that's why they can't remember certain events.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Speaking from a personal experience and also the research I've done from so many podcasts and stuff, yeah, people are getting big chunks in major events.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Were they triggered, is my question.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: If they're your partner, maybe you should help them with that and co-regulate.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: That could be a big old thing.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: There I'm just letting you know.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: And then, yeah, the speaking different.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I feel like I need to have another episode on that, that speaking different language thing, specifically, because I didn't really go into specifics about it, because I don't know.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what those search for as far as that's concerned, because it's like something I just realized for myself.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Sometimes when I speak to people, depending on where they're at mentally, that sounds bad anxiety, adhd or whatever.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Activated is what I like to call it.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: If people are not, like, actively paying attention to you, they're probably not listening.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: So when you talk to them later and be like, did you hear what I said?
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: And they say, yeah, sure, and they get it wrong.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: It's like, were you making sure that they were paying attention in the first place?
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Were they actively listening?
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Question is no.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: And this is for my fellow awkward people, the introverts out there that have trouble talking to people.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: It's like maybe just take a minute and realize that you might not be speaking a language that somebody else understands.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people like to assume like, oh, they get it.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Here you go again with the assumptions.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: They just kind of assume that people just get it.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, they understood what I said and it's like maybe that's not true.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, speaking of communication, I don't even know if I'm coming across correctly, but we'll see about that.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Definitely let me know if you have any questions.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: You can email our email address, which is in the description of this podcast, and let me know if you have any more questions.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I can definitely talk about what I'm talking, what I can talk about.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: What I'm talking about.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I can talk about the different languages I'm referring to.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll have to do a kind of like a deeper dive in that.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: See if I can find anything about that whatsoever, because, yeah, that is a very interesting topic.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Number one thing I took away from 2024 was I speak differently, so I have to change the way I speak so people understand what I'm saying.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: If I want them to kind of sort of Sure, we'll go with that, I think.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Hmm, all right, that's a good button to end this episode on.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us for so long, especially you campsters that have been around for the years, especially the sporadic uploads of the episodes.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Going to really try to buckle down on that, I don't know if I enjoy just talking into the void by myself.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I do enjoy our guests so hopefully, like you know, ms Rue will come back or Shannon will come back and we might have some more other surprise guests, not so much super deep into the BDSM monogamy, so I'll be teaching them.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: A lot of you are probably already, you know, experienced in BSM if you're here in this podcast or non-monogamy, but I have friends that are interested in that kind of stuff so I can teach them while I'm here.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Might as well make an episode out of it, because we talk about it anyway and it's like would that be a good podcast episode?
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: But they have other skills or they're just generally curious about these kind of things.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I prefer to talk to people that ask questions good questions.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: There are bad questions, unfortunately, I have to tell you this but I like talking to people that are generally curious about all kinds of relationships in general, but especially if they want to learn more BASM stuff or just.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I mean not going to be super sexual, but it's just funny because the topic of docking came up recently and there's people that didn't know what it was and I was like that's pretty funny.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Space docking.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: People are talking about touching dick tips, yeah, that kind of stuff, and it's like, oh, that's not a common word, interesting, okay.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Uh, I can answer that question hilarious, okay, but yeah.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: So just look out for that.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: If you hear people and they're like, why this person's not kinky?
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Well, guess what I'm to teach them to be kinky.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Teach them about kinky and non-monogamy and BDSM specifically.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, but they'll have something to say.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: They're not just going to be out here just like stumbling around, okay.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: So thank you for that, campsters, thank you for enjoying all of this and downloading and listening to all of me rant or whatever.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: This has been your host taco knuckle, fresno, bob, colonel McBee or formerly H H Julius.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: This is around the Kiki campfire podcast, aka the pillow fort sessions.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, aka, also known as, I guess, or just the pillow for sessions.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: If you hear me talking to myself, these episodes come out most of the time on Thursdays, so be sure to rate these episodes and thank you for the people downloading.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Once again, have a happy 2025, people.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: It may be ever-evolving and eventful and hopefully you find something that you're excited about, like I found in 2024, and continue to blow up into 2025 and beyond.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: But for now, this is it for this episode.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Hello.