Latest / Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor / Mojo Monday - How to Build Self-Confidence With Carly Taylor

Transcript

Mojo Monday - How to Build Self-Confidence With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here for this week's My Joe Monday.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: So today we are going to be talking about a
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: subject which I am very very close to you, so
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to talk to you about this, and that
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: is around building confidence. So confidence is something that I
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: had personally struggled with, and I actually remember being confident
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: as a child, and I would always be the first to,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: you know, enthusiastically put my hand up to recite a
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: poem in front of the class, or I would audition
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: for the school play. And then slowly, over time the
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: other kids started to be critical of this enthusiasm and
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I entered into my teenage years and the need to
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: fit in and the awareness of what other people were
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: thinking of me starting to chip away at both that
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: enthusiasm and also the confidence that I had in myself,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and I started to shy away from I guess the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: spotlight being the kind of center of attention, and that
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: memory of feeling confident or being confident, I think really
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: highlights how powerful the teenage years are in shaping us.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And I have actually kept journals from when I was
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: seven years old, so I have this documented narrative from
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: my childhood through my teenage years and into adulthood, and
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I can see how my lack of confidence in different
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: areas of my life played out, particularly in social situations
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: and also in work. But the difference now is that
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I understand that I don't need to feel confident to
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: do the things that I really want to do. And
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: of course my mind tells me don't do it because
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: it's way too risky. But you actually have to do
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the thing you're not confident about to gain the confidence.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: And this is where competence comes in because competent. Being
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: competent is about what you can do. It's your skills
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: and your knowledge. Confidence, on the other hand, is trusting
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: your ability to not only use those skills, but to
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: accept the risk that it may not work out the
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: way you want it to. So the Latin meaning of confidence,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: so this is really interesting. So the Latin meaning of
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: confidence is with trust. So con is with and fdare
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: is trust. So confidence is with trust. So you think
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: about someone you know who you have confidence in. You
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: trust they are going to do the things they say
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: they're going to do. You have trust that they have
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: the experiences, the training, the expertise, or the good character.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example. So my son had
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: major surgery last year where he had a tumor removed
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: from his peturitory glands, which is at the base of
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: the brain, So pretty major surgery, and we had two surgeons.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: We had a neurosurgeon and an E and T surgeon,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: and we had confidence in them because the neurosurgeon had
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: done the same surgery only six months prior, despite this
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: being an incredibly rare disease in children. So we had
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: that hope, that trust in him because of his competency.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Along with all the anxiety and the fear and everything
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: that came up in it, we still had confidence in
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: his ability. So how do we then develop the confidence
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: in ourselves? How do we approach ourselves with trust? And
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: how do we do the things that scare us with
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: trust in ourselves? We have to work at our competence. So,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: for example, if you want to be good at public speaking,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: you have to put yourself out there and do it.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: There's no other way to build that confidence, that trust
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: in yourself. The only way to do that is to
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: build your competence. If you're not confidence with say small
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: talk in a social setting, which is such a common
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: thing for people. The only way you're going to trust
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: yourself to experience the small talk is practice it, and
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: then over time the confidence will grow. So the magic
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: happens when confidence and competence work together. So when you
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: tap into that courage, you trust yourself enough to try,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: and in turn, you are growing. You are developing the
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: skills to grow stronger, and you're training yourself in your confidence. Otherwise,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: what's the alternative. You live in your comfort zone, which,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: let's face it, doesn't end up very comfortable, because we
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: know you can only grow from moving through discomfort in
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: the service of what is important to us, our goals,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: our connections with people, and our experiences. And if that
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: inner voice pipes up, which it no doubt will, what
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: if I'm not good enough? What if I fail? You
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: thank your mind knowing that confidence doesn't come from knowing everything.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't come from everything being perfect. You don't have
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: to have your environment, your situation perfect before you start.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have complete certainty of the outcome.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: It grows. Your confidence grows when you take action, when
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: you learn, you train yourself and your competency, and you
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: keep showing up. So I invite you this week to
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: dip your toe outside of your comfort zone. You can
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: start small and choose one task, one task that kind
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: of brings up that inner discomfort, that brings up that
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: inner voice that says, oh, I don't know, you should
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: maybe shouldn't do this, and then prepare yourself as best
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: you can, build that competency, and then do it. And
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: what's important is that you don't celebrate the outcome. You
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: celebrate the effort because you gave it a go, you
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: showed up, and each attempt builds that competency and with it,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: your confidence will grow. And remember, confidence is a journey,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: it's not a destination. And you are exactly as you
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: are right now. So now take that next step. So
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I want to wish everyone a merry Christmas, and I
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: hope you get to have a little break over the
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Christmas period and I will catch you before the new year.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I'll catch you next week. Sia