Latest / Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast / All you can eat Italian buffet. Part 1 -  Before I go

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All you can eat Italian buffet. Part 1 -  Before I go · Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, welcome to Chatting with Cara.
• 0:02
  I'm Cara, your compassionate life coach, relationship with
• 0:05
  food specialist, and I'm here to help you understand yourself a
• 0:09
  little bit better each week. However you found your way here
• 0:13
  today, I'm glad you're listening.
• 0:14
  Maybe your friend sent you this episode.
• 0:16
  Maybe you've been with me from the start, or maybe you're just
• 0:19
  curious about doing things differently when it comes to
• 0:22
  food, your body, and how you feel about yourself.
• 0:25
  Whatever brought you here, you're in the right place.
• 0:28
  Here's what I do on the show. I have honest, kind
• 0:31
  conversations about the stuff that's actually holding you
• 0:34
  back. Not the surface level stuff, the
• 0:36
  deep stuff, the root causes. Because when you truly
• 0:40
  understand why you think and feel the way you do, then
• 0:44
  everything starts to change. It doesn't feel hard anymore, it
• 0:47
  just feels natural. So get comfortable, make
• 0:50
  yourself a group, and let's have a proper chat about the things
• 0:53
  that matter. This is chatting with Garba.
• 0:57
  Welcome to Part 1 of Chatting with Carla.
• 1:01
  I know I'm doing something I've never done before.
• 1:05
  In all, I think it's 80 episodes.
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  I'm doing a Part 1. I'm doing a Part 2 because this
• 1:11
  is really interesting what I'm going to talk about and I know a
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  lot of you will really resonate with with how I'm going to talk
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  about it. So I wanted to take you through
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  it all become clear, but Please be patient with me.
• 1:25
  You're, you've probably listened to a few episodes right now.
• 1:27
  You know, they can be a bit chaotic.
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  I'm recording one part on one day and the other part when nap
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  time allows it in a couple of days.
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  So bear with me. Let me set the scene.
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  Let me set the personal scene. So we are going on Wednesday
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  midweek to the Castle Pub in Wem because it was Sue's 70th
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  birthday a few weeks ago and she likes, she loves food and she
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  likes going out and she wanted to go to the All You Can Eat
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  Italian buffet this Wednesday. So it is a Wednesday night.
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  I think the pub's doing quite well here with that.
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  It's like you need to book otherwise you're not going to
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  get get in it. You have to pay deposit.
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  It's really popular and they haven't run one for a bit.
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  They've done all you can eat Chinese's and they do an all you
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  can eat breakfast. From what I remember, they do a
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  carvery on a Sunday. So like they've got the set up.
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  So that's the that's the same type of place we're going and
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  we're going Wednesday. We've got a 6:00 table booked.
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  There's me, Stefan, Luca is coming, Ruby's coming, Mike and
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  Sue. So it's a nice little family
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  meal out to celebrate Sue's birthday.
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  And I'm talking to you about it because I see this so much for
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  clients who come come to me that buffets are something that they
• 2:59
  feel really out of control with. They sort of dread it.
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  They sort of feel like they have no control over them.
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  And when you're someone who has lots of control over other areas
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  of your life, it can feel really icky.
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  I've had people who will just avoid buffets.
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  They will just avoid social situations with a buffet.
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  They will or they will just say, I'm not going to eat at all.
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  They will just completely, like, not eat.
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  And it sounds like it's like a bit jokey.
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  Oh, you can eat Italian. Yeah, yeah.
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  It's like get as much pasta when you play it as possible, but I
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  know that it's not that simple for the people I work with.
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  It can be really, really anxiety inducing.
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  And I don't want that for you. So I don't want that for you.
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  So in the first, the first part of this podcast, I'm going to
• 3:57
  talk you through how I navigate buffets and how the tools that I
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  use. And then the second part, I'm
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  going to tell you how it went and I'm going to tell you what
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  you can do about it so you can have a successful buffet.
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  I don't know what they're going to do in the buffet either.
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  I don't know. I'm like, well, what are they
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  going to have? Are they going to have pizza
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  there? I think it must have some sort
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  of pizza. There's going to be some garlic
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  bread, but is it just going to be pasta?
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  There's got to be spag bottle, isn't there?
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  I'm thinking of pesto pasta. But then Steph was like, there's
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  got to be meat. So I don't know.
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  So I will come back to you and let you know what is on the
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  menu. You've got no idea.
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  There's no menu. They're just like it's all you
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  can eat Italian. It's I think it's about 15 lbs
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  as well. Think it's about 15 lbs yes.
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  So I'll come back and fill you in on Part 2 about that.
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  So one thing that I see with my clients who struggle around
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  buffets and eating out and stuff like that is the restriction bit
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  before. So it is the I'm not going to
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  eat lunch or I'm just going to have a light lunch before
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  because I know I'm going out. It's the, oh, I'll only plan on
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  having 11 plate. I'll just have one plate and
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  that's that'll be it. That'll be fine.
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  And then I can just I'll be fine.
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  It's the, oh, I'm going to go for like a run the day after or
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  I'm going to not eat the carbs. I'm just going to have the
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  protein. Or it's I'm going to not have a
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  drink. I'll just have the food.
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  I won't have a drink. I'll have a Diet Coke.
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  It's the little bargaining things that you do.
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  I know. Yeah, I know.
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  I see you, Hon. I see you, Hon.
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  And that is like the type of all or nothing thinking.
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  It's like, oh, I can't actually enjoy the the buffet because I
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  will go too far overboard. So I've got to give myself some
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  rules that I need to stick to beforehand that will make me
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  feel better if I do if and when I do overeat.
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  And that's what I see in my clients a lot.
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  Very, very common, very common. And what I also see in my
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  clients a lot is how they view a buffet.
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  So it's like, oh, it's really naughty, really bad, going to
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  completely blow myself out. Like going to get back on track
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  the day after, feel really guilty.
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  Oh, it's like a cheat meal. Oh, I've been doing really well,
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  so I deserve this. Or like you've met, you've had
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  like a really stressful week and you think, oh, right, I'm like,
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  right, ready for this. I'm ready for it.
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  I deserve it. And the language around food
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  that we use around food is really, really important.
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  So in this podcast, I'm not going to use words like naughty,
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  bad, guilty, blow out, like getting back on track or
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  anything like that. Because really having a
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  successful buffet, unremarkable buffet is really what we're
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  going for is starts way before you pick up a fork, way before
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  your language around food is really, really important.
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  So is your all or nothing attitude.
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  I don't go out for buffets that often.
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  We we don't really go out for carveries.
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  To be fair. We haven't really gone out a lot
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  at the moment to be fair either. But I do like food, but I know
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  that I don't need to overeat in order to enjoy the situation.
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  And when we zoom out, when you like, zoom out and you're all
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  right. What's going on here?
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  But actually, it's Sue's birthday.
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  Sue wants to go out for a nice meal because all her family room
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  around her, It's nice to do. Food is enjoyment.
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  Food is connection. It literally brings people
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  together. It brings people to the same
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  place at the same time to do the same thing, and that is
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  powerful, but within itself and it's really nice.
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  I'm really looking forward to and all you can eat Italian.
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  I like Italian food. And I'm going there because it's
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  his birthday. I'm not going there to overeat,
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  feel guilty, feel shame, and then like berate myself the day
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  after. I'm not going for that.
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  I'm going to have a nice time. And generally always having a
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  nice time means not overeating, means not having the shame,
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  means not having the guilt, means not having the berating
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  yourself afterwards and switching from the all or
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  nothing thinking to actually like, oh, what is this social
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  occasion for? What is it for?
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  And when you can see for what it's for, it's for connection,
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  it's for support, it's for like having a nice time.
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  It's for catching up about the day.
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  The food takes less of a precedence, It takes less of a
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  importance because as you know, it's never about the food, is
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  it? No, no, no.
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  And that's what I encourage my clients to do is think actually,
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  why are you going out? Why are you going to this place?
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  Are you literally going to overeat and feel sick?
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  No, you, you're not, are you? You're not.
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  And that's what work with my clients who that's what I want.
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  All or nothing thinking can go in the bin.
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  We like the grey in coaching with Cara, all about the 50
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  Shades of grey in between. Next thing, next thing that I
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  work on is unconditional, unconditional permission to eat.
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  So remember those little bargains?
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  I said, Oh well, I have one plate.
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  I have one plate and then, oh, I won't have lunch and then I can
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  eat then and, or I need to like not have breakfast the day after
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  or I'll go for one in the morning or I need to save room
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  for all the pasta and that again, the overeating starts.
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  Then the restriction bit, they're pulling back.
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  They're like, oh, I'm not going to do this.
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  I'll do that. That is called conditional
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  permission to eat. And trust me, we want
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  unconditional permission to eat. It's one of like the really core
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  principles of intuitive eating, which is what I teach in the
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  coaching Makara mindful eating, mindful eating method.
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  And it's not scary. We're like, Kara, if I give
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  myself permission to eat everything, I will eat
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  everything. But you won't.
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  You only want to do that because you feel out of control around
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  food, because you've restricted it, because you've labeled it as
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  bad or good or naughty and all that.
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  When you have something that is freely available, truly
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  available, like to your subconscious, you'd have no
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  urgency to eat it. You have no sort of desire to
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  overeat it. And that is what unconscious
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  permission to eat does for you. And trust me, once you get
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  there, you are like, Oh my God. Yeah.
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  It's not actually about the food, it's about what I was
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  doing before. I know, I know, Hun.
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  So whilst, well, well, I can't talk at the moment.
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  So when I'm at the table, when I'm actually at the table,
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  right, I'm like, right, I'm going to go up.
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  This is the thing about buffets, isn't it?
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  You have to take it in turns. We've got Luca with us, so
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  everyone's eating all at different times, which is one
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  thing that I really struggle with when we go all inclusive
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  because me and Steph like doing about like the purpose of the
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  meal. I like talking to Steph.
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  But when you're an all inclusive, someone's always got
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  to stay with the kids, haven't they?
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  And then you've got to go up and then you end up coming back.
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  So you end up looking after the kids while the other person's
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  gone and then they go up and then you go up and it's like
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  it's always, you never really have a chat, do you?
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  You never really have a good chat.
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  So that that's what this is going to be like.
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  So I'm like, right, So I've sat down, everyone's OK, everyone's
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  calm, everyone's happy. We're we're on time.
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  It's all good. I go up, I'm going to see what
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  there is. I don't know what there is.
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  Come up with a menu before I'm going to see what there is,
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  bring it back to the table and I'm going to check in with my
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  hunger and fullness. So I'm going to give myself a
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  number between 1:00 and 10:00 on how hungry, how hungry I am or
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  how full I am. And this is really, really good
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  tool for in the moment because it informs decisions.
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  So it's not am I hungry? It's not am I full?
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  They are too close questions with only two answers, yes or
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  no. With the hungry and fullness
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  scale you've got ten options. You can give yourself a score
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  and then you act on that score. So if you are A5 you can then
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  eat more or you cannot eat more. It's up to you, it is up to you.
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  And when you truly listen to your hungry and fullness
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  signals, you know when to stop. You know when to stop that
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  you're an 8 fullness because actually a nine feels pretty
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  rubbish and a 10 is disaster full.
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  It's not a word is a disaster. It's really good.
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  The hunger and fauna scale, that is the tool that I will be using
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  when I'm sitting down eating. When I'm sitting down eating, I
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  will check in with my hunger and fauna scale.
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  It's a fantastic, fantastic school.
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  What have I told you that next thing I'm going to be doing
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  while I'm sitting down is checking in on my people
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  pleasing. I know.
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  So you might be thinking what's people pleasing?
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  What to do with the buffet? I know, but trust me, if you are
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  of a certain generation and you have been told to clear
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  everything off your plate or you can only have dessert before you
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  do this or the food has been paid for, they're starving
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  children in Africa. You don't want to waste it.
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  That is deep, ingrained into your belief system, and your
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  belief system is really, really deep.
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  It's quite like you don't want to go against your belief
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  system, you want to. You automatically make decisions
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  which align with your beliefs. And if you are a people pleaser,
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  I'm looking at you, then that can come up in buffet situations
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  where you clear everything off your plate where you think, oh,
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  I've paid for it, so I need to eat it where you can, or they
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  paid for it. I need to eat it.
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  And they might be like, oh, you're not going to eat that
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  bit. You're like, yeah, I'm going to
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  eat it. And that people pleasing can
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  manifest in overeating because it's taking on your beliefs from
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  years ago or just around the table and doing something that
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  you don't really want to do. That is why I'm going to check
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  in on my people pleasing. Stefan has paid for me to eat
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  because he's paid for the family.
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  So. And Stefan has already told me
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  he's going to get his money's worth.
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  He's already going to get his £15 worth and he's already
• 15:48
  worked out. But actually £15 worth of pasta
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  is quite a lot of pasta. I was like, well, you can't eat
• 15:59
  £15 worth of pasta. It's like you're paying for the
• 16:01
  overheads, you're paying for everything else.
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  But you know what I mean. I'm not going to people.
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  Please Stefan, if I am full, I am full.
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  No matter if he says I'm not going to eat that bit.
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  No, oh, I'll have it then. Oh, I'll finish it off your
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  plate then. Oh, I don't like waste, so I'll
• 16:21
  just finish it off like that sort of thing.
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  I'm going to check in my people pleaser.
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  I'm not a massive people pleaser anyway.
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  To be honest. I let that go.
• 16:30
  But I see that a lot with the women I work with, the people
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  pleasing. And the last thing I'm going to
• 16:36
  do is just enjoy it. Enjoy it for what it is.
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  And that is a nice evening out, a nice Wednesday, a Wednesday.
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  Don't go out on a Wednesday, a Wednesday night out having a
• 16:51
  nice chat with everybody and enjoying some food.
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  That is what I'm going to do. If that sounds like something
• 17:00
  like, oh God, actually, that's not how I that's not how I
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  approach a buffet at all. That's not how I approach and
• 17:06
  all you can eat that is alien to me.
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  I would literally just eat everything.
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  I would blow myself out. I would absolutely devour all,
• 17:16
  all the pasta. If that sounds like you, that
• 17:20
  says that you need to come back for Part 2 because I will tell
• 17:23
  you what I ate, how it went, how the tools that I've just said
• 17:29
  there went for me. And I will also tell you how you
• 17:32
  can be like me. Quite frankly, I've got really
• 17:35
  good relationship with food. I've I'm looking forward to it
• 17:40
  for what it is, not for the overeating aspect of it.
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  And that's what I really like. That's what I really like when
• 17:48
  you have a nice easy relationship with food.
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  It's not like a thing. It's like quite unremarkable.
• 17:55
  Like I said earlier, it's just like you just go about your
• 17:58
  life. I will have my lunch on
• 18:03
  Wednesday. I'll probably have a snack as
• 18:05
  well because not eat until 6. I pick Luke up at 4:00.
• 18:07
  He need he will need to eat. So I'll give him some food.
• 18:11
  I'll probably have a snack then and then we'll we'll get there
• 18:13
  for six because I'm practising unconditional permission to eat.
• 18:19
  I am listening to manga on a scale.
• 18:23
  Oh yeah. So please come back to stage to
• 18:27
  Part 2, where I will talk to you about how it went, what I had to
• 18:31
  eat, what the evening was like and how you can have an
• 18:34
  unremarkable relationship with food.
• 18:43
  Thank you so much for listening to me today.
• 18:45
  If something in this episode landed to you, if you've had
• 18:47
  that moment when you thought, oh, that's me, I want you to do
• 18:51
  something with it. Don't just let it sit there.
• 18:54
  Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
• 18:56
  Send the link, tell them you need to start listening to
• 18:59
  Chatting with Carla because this work spreads when we talk about
• 19:02
  it. And if you're ready to stop
• 19:04
  cycling for the same patterns and actually do the deep work,
• 19:08
  it changes everything. I'd love to work with you one to
• 19:11
  one. Book yourself a free, no
• 19:13
  obligation consultation call in the show notes.
• 19:16
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• 19:19
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• 19:43
  Until next time. Thanks team.