Latest / The Kink Consultant / Larah Sky’s Dating Preferences: Complicated, Specific, and Slightly Unhinged

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Larah Sky’s Dating Preferences: Complicated, Specific, and Slightly Unhinged · The Kink Consultant

• 0:08
  It's the King Consultant Podcast where we're turning up the heat
• 0:11
  on all things kink and dating relationships and pop culture.
• 0:14
  So close the door, plug in your headphones and let's get down to
• 0:17
  it. Sweets episode of the King
• 0:24
  Consultant Podcast. We have our most frequent guest
• 0:28
  back today. Welcome, Lara Sky.
• 0:30
  Hi. I always love having you on and
• 0:33
  Tish, my editor, every time I tell her it's going to be an
• 0:35
  episode with you, she gets so excited, which I think it's
• 0:39
  hilarious because our episodes run so long that I always think
• 0:42
  she'll want to kill me. But she loves them.
• 0:44
  Everybody loves them. That's why you're back.
• 0:45
  It's. Like a streaming episode.
• 0:47
  Maybe we should just do it live. I think we said that one time.
• 0:50
  Maybe we should just do it. Actually, I'd be OK with doing
• 0:53
  that. There's nothing I'm scared of
• 0:54
  talking about. That's why I said as soon as you
• 0:56
  joined us, like we're just going to start recording.
• 0:58
  There's no like preamble needed. We'll just get into it, OK.
• 1:01
  My first question is, do I hear more than one dog right now?
• 1:05
  Yes, I got a puppy last year. So in addition to Rosie, you've
• 1:09
  got a second dog. Willow, who's also a big poodle.
• 1:12
  Poodles are the best so it makes sense who watches that when you
• 1:15
  go away. Normally my mom, but it just
• 1:17
  depends. OK.
• 1:20
  There's like a few people. Sometimes we have like a dog
• 1:22
  sitter, sometimes family member. Yeah, I love dogs too.
• 1:26
  In fact, my dog passed away last year and I want to get another
• 1:29
  dog. But really I just want to
• 1:30
  eternally dog sit other people's dogs.
• 1:32
  Like 0 responsibility, all the fun, yeah.
• 1:36
  I could see that. I can see why that would be fun,
• 1:38
  because then you can give them back or you could be like, not
• 1:40
  this week. Yeah, exactly.
• 1:42
  And you have a lot of travel coming up and like, I wanna
• 1:44
  talk. We're not gonna like over talk
• 1:46
  about it because it's too late for people to book now.
• 1:48
  But we're going on a cruise together in 10 days, like 11
• 1:52
  days. But you have like another.
• 1:54
  Trip before that. So I'm going on a flow shoot.
• 1:58
  I don't wanna say I'm cursed, but I have tried to pick up the
• 2:01
  shit like four or five times and this is the closest I've got.
• 2:05
  The first one is like the collective travel who do really
• 2:08
  cool shots, like group of models, group photographers go
• 2:11
  to a nice location and we do like different kind of shoots.
• 2:14
  So it's mostly like Peach stuff they do, but I'm taking Latex
• 2:17
  they're. Going on a whole ass trip for
• 2:19
  this. But the problem is basically the
• 2:22
  two timings couldn't have been worse.
• 2:24
  So I have about 6 hours to come back, switch my suitcase, get
• 2:28
  rid of the latex, pack my stuff for the cruise and go back on a
• 2:31
  flight OK. You and I have totally different
• 2:34
  approaches to life and work. I fell over yesterday because
• 2:38
  you're going on this flight tomorrow.
• 2:39
  Yesterday we were texting. You were like I'm all packed.
• 2:41
  Anyone who knows me knows I'm packing 2 hours before a flight
• 2:45
  but I'm calm because I'm at home and everything's fine.
• 2:48
  You're planning to get off of 1 plane, go home.
• 2:51
  Not home to nap in my car. Technically there's not really
• 2:55
  enough time for me to come home from the airport.
• 2:57
  You know if there's any like Rd. works traffic.
• 3:00
  I've been packing for about 10 days now.
• 3:02
  Tidy in order to pack because my house is under construction so
• 3:05
  obviously I had to move things to find things.
• 3:07
  I have enough anxiety about making sure I get back to the
• 3:11
  states in time for my trip. Right on the cruise you just
• 3:16
  like. It'll all work out.
• 3:17
  If I get stressed I'm going to pick a flight a day earlier.
• 3:19
  So if I get stressed, if I get too late the day before I meant
• 3:22
  to fly and I'm like I need to fly today.
• 3:23
  Simple. But the problem was that their
• 3:25
  shoots on the last day. If I lived in London, I could
• 3:28
  have just gone there. Yeah, it.
• 3:30
  Would have been easier. Being this, living in London, do
• 3:33
  you wish you lived in London? If I had unlimited money, I
• 3:36
  would live in London. Well, all right, this brings me
• 3:38
  to my next point. I have like a list of questions
• 3:41
  that over the last few months have been like, I have to ask
• 3:43
  Lara this. I think we've talked about
• 3:44
  dating before. OK, here's my take.
• 3:46
  Lara has no patience for bullshit, so she's not going to
• 3:49
  be dating anytime soon. Wouldn't you say that's a
• 3:52
  correct assessment? Too much, but I actually thought
• 3:55
  about reaching out to Chirp because they reached out to me
• 3:57
  years ago and I was like no Ballers.
• 4:00
  I kind of like their marketing now and I thought how funny
• 4:03
  would it if I had them sponsor like a week that I just went on
• 4:06
  speed dating and we filmed it or like an OFTV show.
• 4:09
  I was like, how funny would that be?
• 4:10
  Or like a YouTube series. I think people.
• 4:12
  Would watch any gender not under like 30.
• 4:16
  I think you need like an 18 year old in there actually.
• 4:18
  Not for me to seriously date, but just for the TV like aspect
• 4:22
  I don't. Know if we're recording every
• 4:23
  time I ask you this, but every time we chat I'm like what's
• 4:26
  your plan here? So what are you looking for?
• 4:28
  Would you say you would switch with someone?
• 4:30
  Definitely switch but more with women.
• 4:32
  I find women more dominant and more like naturally dominant
• 4:35
  rather than put on because I don't like people who fake it or
• 4:38
  people who are just abusive. A lot of guys in like fetish
• 4:41
  clubs and stuff when they're newbies, they'll come up and
• 4:43
  they'll just hit you and you're like well now you're getting bad
• 4:46
  but also like feel like well I'm a dominant man.
• 4:48
  Or they just try and drop you and you're like what are you
• 4:50
  doing? Abuse isn't dominance.
• 4:52
  Now I've seen some insane stuff but none of it non consensual.
• 4:55
  I've seen consensual stuff go wrong.
• 4:57
  We're at swingers party. Have I seen things like Are you
• 5:00
  kidding me right now? Interested about the cruise for
• 5:02
  this because I'm like, are we going to see stuff?
• 5:05
  I just mean like, why are you doing now?
• 5:06
  No, that's not how you hit somebody.
• 5:08
  No, I think we won't see that, but maybe we'll see a lot of
• 5:12
  things. There's so many intro classes
• 5:13
  I'm teaching. Why did I agree to it?
• 5:15
  Because this is what I do for work.
• 5:17
  I think I, I'm learning a lot of people on social media don't
• 5:21
  realize I have a coach. What I do is I teach people to
• 5:25
  introduce dominance and submission kink into their
• 5:29
  relationship. Usually one person's kinky and
• 5:30
  the other is not. This is a ship full of people
• 5:34
  who are basically my ideal client.
• 5:36
  So what I'm doing is like, I'm all over the app.
• 5:39
  There's free classes to get people to meet me and then I'll
• 5:42
  hand out my cards and stuff and get, it's like a marketing
• 5:45
  thing. My partner is going to be there
• 5:47
  with me. He's like make an amazing
• 5:49
  salesman. He's going to help me out.
• 5:51
  He's going to be sort of acting as my assistant in all the
• 5:53
  classes too. I want to work with more
• 5:56
  clients. I don't have a huge number of
• 5:59
  swinger clients, but I actually did when I was in Vegas.
• 6:02
  I had a lot of in person swinger clients.
• 6:04
  So I'm like, I know swingers like coming to me to help me
• 6:07
  introduce them to kink, help teach them how to Dom and sub.
• 6:11
  So that's the purpose of it. But when I like looked at the
• 6:14
  schedule and I'm like, I'm teaching how to tell your
• 6:16
  partner a kink Santos. These are both our one classes
• 6:19
  at different points. What's an other fantasy mapping?
• 6:21
  Basically exploring what you want and how to explain that.
• 6:25
  Then tapping into your Dom energy and tapping into your sub
• 6:27
  energy. So those are 4.
• 6:29
  Then I'm also hosting the kink party.
• 6:32
  Are you going to be at the hotel the night before?
• 6:34
  Will you have time? Yeah.
• 6:35
  So I literally land there is no room for error.
• 6:39
  When I say there's no room for error because if I missed my
• 6:41
  first flight I need to basically get from the airport to the
• 6:44
  cruise before it leaves, Yes my flight would land about like 2
• 6:48
  and it leaves its free. And then also I'm teaching the
• 6:50
  spanking demo at the Jamaica Playfest, so I'll thank you on
• 6:55
  the cruise. And what's concerned will be
• 6:57
  withdrawn when I've had enough. I'm a really good dime.
• 6:59
  I'll check in. I'm very gentle, sometimes too
• 7:02
  gentle. So I'm teaching it and my
• 7:04
  partner's going to be there too at the Jamaica Playfest.
• 7:08
  So it's a dungeon on a beach with dungeon furniture.
• 7:10
  Things blinds, like I kind of know what it is.
• 7:12
  I know that I'm going, but I just like turning up and then be
• 7:15
  the. OK, so because you're on the
• 7:18
  kink cruise, so I'm not even going to get into this with you
• 7:21
  right now, but I have to. Want to know.
• 7:22
  I just want to like. Did you download the Celebrity
• 7:25
  Cruise app? I did how?
• 7:26
  The kinky app? The Bless app.
• 7:28
  Did you check in for the? Cruise No.
• 7:31
  Go check in and so you can get a board.
• 7:33
  He did a. Passport and a selfie, we needed
• 7:36
  to arrange that. Who's we?
• 7:38
  The. Partner.
• 7:39
  Oh yeah. I adopted submissive.
• 7:41
  If he or adopted submissive like he's not.
• 7:44
  He's not mine. I thought he was a job.
• 7:47
  I'm adopted him for a week. I knew that I thought he was a
• 7:50
  Dom, not a sub. I nearly went to Berlin and this
• 7:53
  week too, because I was looking for a little escape from this
• 7:56
  weather. You should come to the one in
• 7:58
  May. I can't do that quick a turn
• 8:00
  around now, but. Come on, I can do an overnight
• 8:03
  turn around. No, it's not that.
• 8:05
  This island trip is out of nowhere.
• 8:07
  I wasn't supposed to come to Ireland.
• 8:09
  So are these two weeks in Ireland out of nowhere?
• 8:12
  Believe me, in the future you'd be able to convince me.
• 8:14
  I mean, this is also one of the ones I was meant to go to three
• 8:17
  times. The first one I was busy, the
• 8:19
  second one I had a flu and the third one I had broken my leg.
• 8:23
  The broken. Leg Saga is the funniest story
• 8:26
  ever because you were still walking around doing things on
• 8:29
  your broken leg. I partially dislocated my leg
• 8:33
  from my pelvis and I for the muscles and the cartilage so it
• 8:37
  couldn't heal without a surgery so I had to surgery.
• 8:40
  Last. June but it just takes a while
• 8:42
  to heal. But the whole time was like
• 8:44
  months, them not knowing what was happening but they were like
• 8:47
  you should be on bed rest. You also keep moving.
• 8:49
  I also remember this very specifically.
• 8:52
  We talked about dating. You're like, well, I can't do
• 8:54
  anything till my legs fixed. Actually, that was your answer
• 8:56
  to everything and it was valid. It was totally valid.
• 8:59
  I literally couldn't walk. OK, do you describe yourself as
• 9:03
  bisexual? Queer like.
• 9:04
  Polly pan, Polly, that makes sense.
• 9:06
  So you're not really just looking for one relationship,
• 9:09
  one of the relationships you are looking for.
• 9:11
  Mean relationship to be straight, but then I would also
• 9:15
  love for it to be like a lavender marriage type situation
• 9:18
  where it looks super straight but it's not OK.
• 9:20
  I like met with his boyfriends and you go going down the beach,
• 9:24
  go to the dogging area. It sounds like you're in Big
• 9:27
  Brother, probably because you're your accent, but it's like go to
• 9:30
  this room. We're getting closer here.
• 9:32
  I feel like I want my curiosity is being satiated.
• 9:35
  I do like this idea of the lavender marriage would not work
• 9:38
  for me, but I see you want to. I can't hide anything.
• 9:42
  Who you see is who you get, because I'm terrible at any sort
• 9:44
  of secrecy or history. OK, so.
• 9:47
  Your main relationship, the front facing one, would be
• 9:50
  straight. Yeah, but I couldn't get a
• 9:52
  straight man. This is my issue.
• 9:53
  You don't need to date a straight man.
• 9:55
  Yeah, but my fetish is like, I would love to have a straight
• 9:58
  boyfriend who was just really like, pathetic.
• 10:01
  Just normal and pathetic and a little bit like of a wimp.
• 10:04
  Not even submissive, just like a little bit pathetic but good at
• 10:07
  his job. Like he goes fishing and then
• 10:09
  comes back to feel whatever you need.
• 10:12
  And then he goes to work like 9 to 5, but he's out the house
• 10:16
  from 8:00 till 6. Like literally like the most
• 10:19
  straight man. But I think actually I just
• 10:20
  don't want them in the house. Who's?
• 10:21
  Cooking. Dinner.
• 10:22
  Probably me or he would pay for a chef.
• 10:25
  This is complex no? But I want like a.
• 10:27
  Straight man like I have this really weird kink for like
• 10:30
  dating a straight man who's like so vanilla like I just think
• 10:34
  imagine the most vanilla person ever.
• 10:36
  Do you corrupt him? No, no, like he just doesn't
• 10:39
  care. That's my fantasy.
• 10:40
  Like, they ask questions and they're like, oh, and then they
• 10:43
  just go back to like, watching cars.
• 10:45
  I'm like I'm pulling this thread OK?
• 10:48
  It sounds like you want a passive man who is not going to
• 10:51
  interfere with your glow pride wife.
• 10:54
  Fetish like having like a trad husband.
• 10:56
  He does trad husband things. OK, so your trad wife is in
• 10:59
  this? Fantasy world, which there's
• 11:01
  nothing wrong with. He's your trad husband.
• 11:04
  And then are you also doing the work you do now and he's just
• 11:08
  not bothered by it? Also barely curious or like, oh,
• 11:10
  what Is it Interesting. Back to the television.
• 11:13
  Yeah. Like, I think there's something
• 11:15
  really would amuse me about somebody being like, what you do
• 11:18
  now. And they're just like, oh.
• 11:19
  Do you think that you feel fetishized in your normal
• 11:23
  day-to-day life and the fantasy then is to not be fetishized and
• 11:27
  just allowed to live your life? Because I'm so not straight.
• 11:30
  That is the fetish. Like to me it's so opposite
• 11:33
  because most people are like, Oh my God, I want this opposite.
• 11:36
  Well, Chirp, I hope you're talking about your relationship
• 11:39
  as like the wild card, like, you know.
• 11:42
  Yeah, that is a wild card and I hope Chirp is listening and
• 11:45
  being like, we have what you're looking for Lara, but you don't
• 11:48
  want them to be submissive. They're.
• 11:50
  Oh, I want them to be a bit wimpy and a bit like an ideal
• 11:53
  cop, OK. So we have answers on like
• 11:56
  relationship 1. I don't know if this is
• 11:58
  relationship one or just fantasy relationship.
• 12:01
  No, this is my fantasy. Like I could not date a straight
• 12:03
  man. OK.
• 12:04
  So what are you? Really looking to date.
• 12:06
  I'm not obsessed over this but I've had this question a lot so
• 12:10
  not a straight man. I think I ideally I would like
• 12:13
  to date somebody who wasn't straight.
• 12:16
  So if it's a bisexual man, somebody who's like whatever,
• 12:20
  you know, obviously what's a woman they were dating, you'd
• 12:22
  have to be a bit like gay, but the criteria being they're not a
• 12:26
  straight man. OK, So don't worry.
• 12:29
  Sounds to be about gay, right Pan?
• 12:31
  Polly, you're Pan Polly. So can we just put it out?
• 12:34
  You're looking for a man who would describe himself as Pan
• 12:36
  Polly as well. Why not?
• 12:38
  Because I don't think I actually want to date a man.
• 12:40
  I think it's in my head. OK, like if not at all.
• 12:44
  OK, I don't know. I have this idea that I'm going
• 12:46
  to date like a rich man and we're going to appear like good
• 12:51
  and like normal, and he's going to be like a secret to see he's
• 12:54
  an object. I think you'll be able to find
• 12:56
  that as relationship #1 yeah. There's relationship #1 and I'm
• 13:00
  like relationship number 2. So me and my friend used to
• 13:03
  always say that we should Co date so that we could like date
• 13:06
  a guy but when he was annoying us we could just take turns like
• 13:10
  babysitting passing like also like do stuff together like a
• 13:14
  throuple no mean heart like go shopping.
• 13:17
  And he would not be invited. You invited, but you know, like,
• 13:20
  yeah, no jealousy. Yeah, like a throttle, but.
• 13:23
  Would you and she be in a partnership as well?
• 13:26
  I don't think so. I don't think that was part of
• 13:28
  it. I think it was we were both
• 13:29
  going to date him and be friends.
• 13:31
  So like a polycule situation. Yeah, we go out and find the guy
• 13:35
  to join us. I think you want a polycule, a
• 13:38
  complex polycule with, I don't know, like a overlay of lavender
• 13:43
  marriage or. OK, I was quite like, is a puppy
• 13:48
  or like a dumb daddy? Like a leather man.
• 13:51
  These are two different things. The list keeps getting longer,
• 13:54
  yeah. To personalities rather than
• 13:56
  like licks or anything so. OK, but say you want to plan a
• 13:59
  vacation with them. I guess it would be vacation
• 14:01
  dependent who you want this, I don't.
• 14:03
  You travel alone. So it's actually really unique
• 14:05
  that I'm not traveling alone. I'm like, Oh my goodness.
• 14:08
  They want a primary partner that you would travel with or you
• 14:11
  really want the help. I so I would like somebody, I
• 14:15
  don't care who they are, but who lived with me and did things.
• 14:18
  Lavender marriage person. Yes, lavender marriage or Sissy
• 14:23
  boy who pays for everything. OK, it's a lavender marriage.
• 14:26
  Like I'll go 5050 if it's a Sissy bitch they're paying.
• 14:29
  It sounds like it's all pretty clear in your head.
• 14:31
  It's actually getting it on paper.
• 14:33
  That's. Difficult, I think because I
• 14:35
  don't go for looks, so then it's really difficult.
• 14:38
  I go for looks. Wow.
• 14:41
  I also have this thing for like older man because I just think
• 14:44
  younger men aren't mature enough and they don't understand.
• 14:47
  They've not been told off enough.
• 14:49
  Basically like your first wife as a psycho, and rightfully so
• 14:52
  because you're a Dick. Like you deserve to be punished,
• 14:55
  you deserve to be shouted at, you deserve to go through hell.
• 14:57
  And then you get to me and I'm a psycho.
• 14:59
  You know what to expect and you know like that.
• 15:01
  You've got to arrange things. You need to be on time.
• 15:04
  If you don't, you're going to shout with that, so you don't.
• 15:06
  OK, but also there are men out there who are just mature.
• 15:09
  Also that, but I think like the whole have you been through a
• 15:12
  divorce? Have you learned your lesson as
• 15:15
  have you learned a lesson is the main thing here.
• 15:17
  Yeah, that. OK, I don't know.
• 15:19
  With divorced men, though, my friend always asked this
• 15:21
  question. It's ask her why they got
• 15:23
  divorced. And I think that's a really good
• 15:26
  question because people tend to leave relationships with
• 15:29
  roastings and glasses of their behavior in that relationship.
• 15:33
  I think like the communication and the boundaries and stuff, I
• 15:36
  like it when they're like, Oh yeah, we still have a really
• 15:39
  good relationship. We still chat and we do this and
• 15:41
  that or we go on holiday together, but we're just not
• 15:44
  right for each other. Or like I work too much.
• 15:47
  I like when they've got some sort of back story or no
• 15:49
  ex-wife. Just yeah, I've learned.
• 15:51
  Do you want a workaholic so they're not around you all the.
• 15:55
  Yes, but also to be mildly abusive to me and shout at me
• 15:57
  when I'm being late. Can we not use the word abusive?
• 16:01
  Damn it, no. I would like to have, you know,
• 16:04
  I actually, I don't want this, but I just think it'd be really
• 16:07
  good work ethic and actually meet me like really, really
• 16:10
  productive if I had a man who was just being like, you're
• 16:13
  fucking lazy out fucking bad. Go and get your clothes on.
• 16:16
  I'm going to get a camera and you're going to sit there and
• 16:19
  you talk to it and then I'm going to edit it.
• 16:21
  If someone talked to me like that, a big how dare you talk to
• 16:23
  me like that until they were like, I'm going to edit it, then
• 16:25
  I'd be like, OK, yeah, let's go. But I just think like some, I'm
• 16:29
  kind of like slightly controlling gets in your head
• 16:32
  manipulative. This is the biggest fantasy to
• 16:35
  have this in a healthy way that is productive.
• 16:38
  This is bigger than your trad wife fantasy, I need you to
• 16:41
  know. That I just get a note when
• 16:42
  people have control and boyfriends who aren't motivating
• 16:45
  them and aren't useful. It ought to be controlling and a
• 16:48
  good way. You are like some sort of
• 16:50
  industrialist because you are like, look, he could be as
• 16:54
  abusive as he wants, but he better be motivating you to be a
• 16:56
  better version of yourself through that abuse and nothing
• 16:59
  less. Okay, I would love a guy who
• 17:02
  just wanted money as much as I want money and would put the
• 17:05
  hours in, force me to make more money.
• 17:07
  I think could also be rich, but like I would just like somebody
• 17:09
  who was like power. But would you have used?
• 17:13
  I would be like you go make the money, let me be invent.
• 17:16
  Good stuff and it's fine. Well, I had my house and he
• 17:19
  stayed here for free. Motivated me and I got to keep
• 17:23
  our money. You had to be getting all you
• 17:24
  have a salary. Lara Sky needs a Dom.
• 17:27
  That's what I'm hearing. That's the headline there.
• 17:29
  Just kind of cope with having a Dom so.
• 17:31
  OK, but it's not. A female Dom fine.
• 17:34
  OK, could this female Dom be the one motivating you to get
• 17:36
  content on and she's editing? Pretty girl should do stuff like
• 17:39
  that. I don't think they should work
• 17:40
  hard. You work hard.
• 17:42
  I don't, but I don't think I should make my heart abusive
• 17:45
  girlfriends work, Yeah. Lara Sky.
• 17:49
  Always a conundrum. Would that be the right word for
• 17:51
  this? Asking you on a date.
• 17:53
  And I'm like, I don't know. I think I've spoken about before
• 17:56
  as well, like the more that I work, the less I want to date
• 17:59
  somebody because it's just constant.
• 18:01
  I think that's where the whole thing about having a very
• 18:03
  vanilla relationship where they go out all day, you come home
• 18:05
  for a few hours and they're just like no interest other than
• 18:09
  like. As if you're treating it like a
• 18:11
  job. And that's a job.
• 18:12
  Well, This is why you're Polly. You could get the kinks
• 18:14
  somewhere else. I guess I'm living the biggest
• 18:16
  fantasy life because I found my Dom.
• 18:19
  I'm very happy. He motivates, yes, but he's not
• 18:23
  like cursing at me. The abusive thing would never
• 18:26
  work for me. I need you to be really nice.
• 18:27
  In fact, I am too sensitive for him.
• 18:30
  Like sometimes he says stuff and I'm like, that really upset me
• 18:32
  when you said it. Not even dominant stuff.
• 18:34
  He'll just make a joke. And I'm like, I didn't find that
• 18:36
  funny and I think this man has to walk on egg shells for my
• 18:39
  emotion. So like, the abusive thing would
• 18:41
  never work. He's literally said I've never
• 18:44
  dated anyone as sensitive positive as you and I don't
• 18:47
  care. That's the teaching part,
• 18:48
  though. It's communication and it's on
• 18:50
  your standing and not like come and go and like maybe sitting
• 18:54
  with it and being like, actually I do feel upset and it's the
• 18:56
  next day or that didn't hit right and you know, like.
• 19:00
  Yeah, he's a listener. He does not get defensive, but
• 19:03
  equally I am very on my own feelings and I'm like, that
• 19:06
  didn't feel right. Like let's explore why this
• 19:09
  didn't feel right and he'll go through that whole process, but
• 19:11
  equally I'll do that for him because they.
• 19:13
  Don't do that though. Yeah, we don't.
• 19:16
  I hate to say this, that's like 75% of my job is teaching people
• 19:20
  how to do that, how to both talk and listen.
• 19:23
  Like teaching people from the base level of this is how you
• 19:26
  check in with yourself. This is how you practice
• 19:28
  checking in with yourself, and now go do it in your.
• 19:30
  Relationship. I was listening to this podcast,
• 19:32
  it just came up on Spotify and I was like, this is probably why
• 19:36
  people like it when I go to the basics because they were going
• 19:39
  to the absolute basics of like how they set boundaries and
• 19:42
  their relationships from like the absolute bottom.
• 19:45
  And I was like, wait, because they were going, we never used
• 19:47
  to have boundaries and talk to each other.
• 19:48
  And I was like, I got like what? Because people need the basics.
• 19:52
  They need the absolute basics so they can be like.
• 19:55
  Yeah. Do that.
• 19:56
  I just recently, like very recently realized for myself,
• 20:00
  all my years of being a dominatrix and having clients
• 20:04
  just come in off the street and me asking what do you want and
• 20:06
  asking specific questions to do my job.
• 20:09
  Well, I took that for granted. I was like, oh wait, that's a
• 20:12
  skill not everyone has. I didn't have in the beginning.
• 20:15
  I. I've learned it so long ago that
• 20:16
  I realized that wasn't teaching anybody that skill.
• 20:19
  And now I've gone back and taught people.
• 20:20
  I'm doing like as teaching people to dumb.
• 20:23
  We had to like a chat on another podcast I was on I've been
• 20:26
  cheating on you. But no, they were asking about
• 20:28
  my favorite kind of session. And I was saying like when I was
• 20:30
  doing sessions with people, I enjoyed it.
• 20:33
  I was always asking what they wanted because it was their
• 20:35
  fantasy. Yes.
• 20:36
  It wasn't until like recently that I got to start doing more
• 20:39
  like denial and chastity and really understanding what I
• 20:42
  want. But sometimes you ask other
• 20:44
  person two months. Yeah, that's essentially it.
• 20:47
  So essentially I'm like, I talked to a lot of switches or
• 20:50
  Subs who want their partner to be dominant and the dominant
• 20:52
  comes to, they're like, I don't know what to do.
• 20:54
  So I'm like teaching them, well, ask them what they want and then
• 20:57
  what do you want? And then what floors them is
• 20:59
  what they want themselves, to your point of like you realized,
• 21:02
  oh, I'm really into denial and chastity, but that part of
• 21:05
  asking what your partner wants, having that conversation is
• 21:08
  foreign to people and I just didn't realize.
• 21:10
  Also the whole thing of like, you should accept that your
• 21:12
  partner might want to go elsewhere, like if you're not
• 21:15
  dominant and they really want that, yeah, they want something
• 21:18
  specific that you're like, not chance.
• 21:19
  Like I'm not doing that. That's a.
• 21:21
  Really good point. I understand people wanting
• 21:23
  monogamous relationships. I'm in one and I was on a long
• 21:26
  journey to find the exact type of relationship.
• 21:28
  I wanted to not do that. But equally, we've had
• 21:31
  conversations where I'm like, if you need this, I'm not the
• 21:33
  person, so you'd have to go elsewhere and we're both OK with
• 21:36
  that. I think it's the difference
• 21:38
  between them being like emotionally connected, which is
• 21:40
  like go pay for the service or go to like a party and just have
• 21:44
  it, you know? Yeah.
• 21:46
  Like, I think that's the difference.
• 21:47
  I mean, I'm also not that bothered if they do have
• 21:49
  emotional connections, but I think there's a difference
• 21:51
  between being like I'm doing a specific thing, whatever.
• 21:54
  This specific thing versus I'm trying to create a whole new
• 21:57
  relationship monogamous. I'm trying to recreate what we
• 22:00
  have with this person to not be with you.
• 22:03
  But most people are never looking for that.
• 22:05
  I'm not saying it doesn't happen.
• 22:06
  I'm just saying in my experience, do you know
• 22:09
  something crazy? I realized a lot of my clients,
• 22:11
  I won't have a number because I don't want to cost arguments.
• 22:14
  A lot of my clients who come to me and they want their partner
• 22:17
  to play a certain role have paid someone either before meeting
• 22:21
  their current partner or well within the relationship with the
• 22:24
  current partner and they don't want to keep doing that.
• 22:27
  So they want their partner to be the person.
• 22:29
  So that's another complication I.
• 22:30
  Think that is common because obviously I get a lot of married
• 22:33
  people and I even get some people who are like, is it OK if
• 22:36
  we do like, maybe a double call with me and my girlfriend or
• 22:39
  like, you know, I've been showing her your videos.
• 22:41
  There are some people who are like, I've phoned you and in a
• 22:44
  few weeks, zero. I've had a conversation like
• 22:46
  we've kind of progressed a little bit.
• 22:48
  Yeah, there's a lot of people who are just married and it's
• 22:50
  all hush hush. And I'm like, yeah, not telling
• 22:52
  your partner. Will they break up with me?
• 22:53
  And I always, I'm like, Oh my God, why are you with them?
• 22:57
  We've talked about this. In my experience, the partner
• 23:00
  almost never breaks up with him. In fact, I actually don't have a
• 23:03
  single story where someone tells their partner their kink and the
• 23:07
  partner breaks up with them. More often than not what happens
• 23:10
  is the partner says, okay, thanks for sharing, let's never
• 23:14
  talk about this again. So it's it's own type of
• 23:16
  rejection that is very. Sad.
• 23:18
  But no one actually gets broken up with.
• 23:21
  I think as well, like if you tell your partner they don't
• 23:23
  want to do it, but then you could have the conversation of
• 23:25
  like, well, I would like to do it on my own or I would like on
• 23:28
  something or video chat or watch these videos or I want to go out
• 23:32
  in person or whatever it is. You can have the conversation,
• 23:34
  but if you don't start, and I always see this and makes me
• 23:37
  worry about what else they're doing in their relationships,
• 23:41
  what are you hiding? Like if you're so scared of
• 23:44
  telling them, you're not talking about other things and is it
• 23:47
  just like they're angry and they're resenting you because
• 23:49
  you've not done these issues, but they don't tell you and they
• 23:51
  just give you death stares? Like did you forget to move the
• 23:55
  car and they were late for work? I think it causes arguments by
• 23:58
  not talking about things that are important to you.
• 24:00
  Like resentment builds up and then it causes an argument as
• 24:04
  opposed to just having a conversation, which like circles
• 24:05
  back to our conversation about communication.
• 24:08
  And you want to play, do you have a film that you think
• 24:10
  stupid and you want to watch it? Like, I don't know.
• 24:13
  But all This is why I don't have relationships or like I do.
• 24:16
  But then they'll be like, Oh my God, I really admire your
• 24:18
  boundaries. And you know, I'm not just
• 24:20
  talking about romantic, but I'll be like, no, like that was
• 24:22
  really rude. I don't appreciate that or
• 24:24
  whatever. And then as soon as I put the
• 24:25
  boundary up with them, like, Oh my God, some people are fine
• 24:27
  with it, but some of them, the instant you do that, like I
• 24:29
  always admire that and now I don't like it.
• 24:31
  Ever. I roll major, I roll to that
• 24:34
  one. Admired it, fetishized it.
• 24:36
  Now I. Like it?
• 24:38
  Yeah, or get really obsessed with the job sometime and they
• 24:41
  act like I don't do that much. I'm not.
• 24:43
  So I could do everything, right. It's not like that because I'm
• 24:46
  lazy. It's just like kind of like
• 24:47
  falling just denial, like CF and I'm like closely mounted male.
• 24:51
  They're getting humiliated. I'm just casual and they're kind
• 24:54
  of, you know, it all builds into each other.
• 24:56
  Do they think that's going to be their life if they date you?
• 24:59
  Sometimes, to be fair, a lot of the people are just like, oh,
• 25:02
  they ask questions, but they're not weird about it.
• 25:05
  Sorry. I would love before that point
• 25:07
  actually, if they were being rude about it.
• 25:09
  I mean, more like friends. Sometimes they just keep asking
• 25:11
  you questions or you meet somebody and they're like, and
• 25:14
  what about this and what about this and what about this?
• 25:15
  And I'm like, are they like, oh, and what do you do?
• 25:17
  And I'm like, well, I sit here and well, Howard again, caste,
• 25:21
  That's what I do. That is kind of what we're both
• 25:24
  in cardigans today. I work hard again for you.
• 25:26
  Honestly, I think it's one of these things, isn't it?
• 25:29
  It's like if you've got this idea or people go, what's the
• 25:32
  craziest thing you've ever done? And I'm like, I don't know.
• 25:34
  I get that question a lot and it's like depends who I'm
• 25:36
  talking to and then I sometimes I sit back and I say the
• 25:39
  craziest shit, but I never would have thought of it that way
• 25:42
  except I'm like, oh, there was that one time that this one
• 25:45
  party. I won't get into details.
• 25:47
  I don't know what's crazy to them.
• 25:48
  I made a guy like drink a bottle of mayonnaise one time.
• 25:52
  That is absolutely. Disgusting If I told you about
• 25:54
  him before, No. So basically he had run away.
• 25:58
  He was a Sissy and we're doing like a lot of training and it'd
• 26:01
  be like a few months and he was doing like really well.
• 26:03
  He's feeling more confident and then disappears.
• 26:05
  He comes back and was like, oh, I got really busy with work so I
• 26:08
  made him like eat the mayonnaise, but he didn't record
• 26:11
  it. So I made him do it again and
• 26:12
  then delete this account and he never came back.
• 26:14
  I have said it as a joke the second time, like if he'd
• 26:17
  actually no time but he did it and then he was like I can't do
• 26:19
  it again and I've. Been worried about his
• 26:21
  cholesterol touch an endeavor. There's also a sub I make a meat
• 26:26
  cucumbers because he doesn't like them.
• 26:28
  That's kind of wild. Like to be fair that is wild.
• 26:31
  Imagine hating cucumbers so much that that's your #1 punishment
• 26:34
  and you hide them from your wife.
• 26:36
  He buys cucumbers and hide them from his wife because his wife
• 26:40
  would know that he wasn't like eating them on his own.
• 26:42
  If I knew my partner hated cucumbers and I found them, I
• 26:45
  would assume he was sticking them somewhere.
• 26:47
  I have more questions now. Not about the punishments.
• 26:49
  The person you were training, were they paying you for
• 26:52
  one-on-one sessions to be trained?
• 26:54
  So normally what I do is I do like one on ones, yeah.
• 26:58
  So there's options. I could do like a little
• 27:00
  consultation and I kind of give them a plan and it's quite basic
• 27:04
  and it's OK. It's like here's your goals,
• 27:05
  here's what I want you to do for it.
• 27:07
  And then if we're doing 1 to one training, we can either do like
• 27:10
  sessions, which is just like messaging, or we can have it
• 27:13
  with the plan. Or you could do like phone calls
• 27:15
  or video calls or live on Cam. So people tend to do a mixture
• 27:19
  of everything. And they're doing chaining.
• 27:22
  Yeah, they can pay for a package, but they kind of pay as
• 27:25
  they go. Yeah, I prefer that way because
• 27:27
  then they can get more or less, yeah.
• 27:29
  I understand that okay. Start with consultation, work
• 27:32
  out your like your plan, because some people get it and they're
• 27:34
  like, OK, great message you in six weeks and like can we change
• 27:37
  some things? Can we do it again?
• 27:38
  Really helped other people like this is shit.
• 27:40
  I don't want to do this this like.
• 27:42
  Moment that sticks out to you is one of the best compliments
• 27:45
  pieces of feedback after going through all of this that you've
• 27:48
  received. A hard one, to be honest.
• 27:50
  It's just people really like getting to their goal.
• 27:53
  I've had lost weight and stuff and they're like, oh, my friends
• 27:56
  and family are noticing or like they're noticing a more
• 27:58
  confident or like that sort of thing.
• 28:00
  Yeah. Or necessarily being being like,
• 28:03
  because I obviously work with a lot of people.
• 28:04
  Yeah, I'm not saying that I don't remember different people,
• 28:06
  but a lot of people it's the same if they commit and if they
• 28:09
  do, like a few months. If they commit to a few months
• 28:11
  and then it sort of all works out.
• 28:13
  Yeah, I get that. My favorite compliment is always
• 28:17
  I was cheap when they say like you were cheaper than a divorce,
• 28:20
  implying that they really were heading for divorce.
• 28:22
  I always like that one. I don't know why.
• 28:24
  OK as. In a divorce.
• 28:26
  Well, I wouldn't be. Yeah.
• 28:28
  And be like, Oh my God. I posted a tweet the other day
• 28:31
  and I was like let me be the reason my girlfriend cops you.
• 28:34
  Oh, I like it. But I have like a few 100 lights
• 28:37
  because I'm normally shadow banned to hell.
• 28:39
  I'm shadow banned all the time too and I'm not even doing
• 28:41
  anything that bad. But no, divorces cost hundreds
• 28:44
  of thousands of dollars. At least in the US.
• 28:47
  Maybe not in the UK. Really cheap here I feel like if
• 28:50
  you both agree. If you both agree, yes, but that
• 28:54
  is rare. It's the legal case of paying
• 28:56
  lawyers 10s of thousands of dollars.
• 28:59
  I know, but they have people like us pay.
• 29:01
  Me like I'll take 10, like 20. Days.
• 29:03
  Yeah, just pay me. I promise to fix your problem.
• 29:05
  I mean, we can't promise, but I don't know.
• 29:08
  Problems outside of your marriage.
• 29:09
  I fixed them inside. Of your marriage.
• 29:11
  Oh, look at us. Dynamic duo.
• 29:13
  OK, I want to do this again on the cruise together.
• 29:15
  I want us to find 40 minutes to just record a conversation,
• 29:19
  maybe in bikinis. I will see you when you do some
• 29:21
  social media contact. We might have to do some live
• 29:23
  caging. That'll be.
• 29:24
  Very interesting. Okay, do you think you'll be
• 29:27
  able to find people to participate?
• 29:28
  I do. Like just even be like, could
• 29:30
  you just put your Dick in it just for 10 minutes?
• 29:33
  Just for 10 minutes? All right, well, I need to get a
• 29:35
  picture. We'll see about that.
• 29:37
  I will let you know. We'll play it by ear on the
• 29:40
  group. There's non kinky crafting, so
• 29:42
  like non swinger craft and I'm like oh I wonder who's going to
• 29:45
  that. It's not that I'm not going to.
• 29:46
  Any of the swingers events. My boyfriend and I set up a
• 29:48
  profile and people have messages and all over the profile we're
• 29:51
  like we're monogamous. We love meeting and talking to
• 29:52
  people but we're monogamous. And then like we'll get messages
• 29:55
  and we'll respond back. Never hear from the people again
• 29:58
  but our profile doesn't put forward that we're anything but.
• 30:01
  I am very interested in the non swinger event as a whole, but
• 30:05
  also interested in the swinger. Event.
• 30:07
  See, I'm like, I wonder what the craft is like.
• 30:10
  Why are we all there when everyone else is at the
• 30:12
  playroom? Like, that's why we're
• 30:13
  interested in like. Well, I'm going to be in the
• 30:16
  playroom a lot. I'm a voyeur.
• 30:17
  I'll enjoy watching it. I'm a little cock.
• 30:21
  Yes, you are. I know you are.
• 30:23
  All right, so we will see each other on the cruise until then.
• 30:26
  I've learned this from having Laura on and off times.
• 30:28
  laurasky.co.uk. Everything's at that website.
• 30:31
  By the time this episode goes out next week, I'll be two days
• 30:35
  away from seeing you. How exciting.
• 30:37
  I will see you at the party where I'm hosting the meet and
• 30:39
  greet all. Right, I will.
• 30:40
  Talk to you soon. If you enjoyed this episode,
• 30:43
  don't forget to. Subscribe Leave a review.
• 30:45
  And share it with anyone who might find it interesting.
• 30:47
  And if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to cover in
• 30:50
  future episodes, feel free to reach out e-mail
• 30:53
  info@thekingconsultant.com. Until next time, keep on kinking
• 30:57
  on.