Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 164. Can Saying Sorry Heal a 12-Year Friendship Gone Wrong?

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164. Can Saying Sorry Heal a 12-Year Friendship Gone Wrong? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appologie production an easier advice. Are you okay what happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to the favorite Han of the Week, which
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: is our Bestie segment.
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  Speaker 1: We have a lot of friendship things come in. We
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  Speaker 1: do a lot of friendship submissions, so I think this
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  Speaker 1: would be really relatable for anyone that's going through something similar.
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  Speaker 1: All Right, I had a twelve year friendship which ended suddenly.
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  Speaker 1: We both said negative and hurtful things to each other
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  Speaker 1: at the time the friendship ended, and we haven't spoken
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  Speaker 1: in two and a half years. Since this breakdown, I've
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  Speaker 1: been in my self development journey and have become a
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  Speaker 1: lot more self aware, and at the start of this year,
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  Speaker 1: I have felt a pull to knock on her door
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  Speaker 1: and say, hey, do you have a few minutes to chat?
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  Speaker 1: And I just wanted to say sorry for all the
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  Speaker 1: things I said on my behalf and take responsibility for that.
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  Speaker 1: An amen, that's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: I love that.
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  Speaker 1: Good on your babe about reconnecting if that's not what
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  Speaker 1: she wants. But I've been thinking about wanting to apologize
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  Speaker 1: probably four to five times this year it's come up
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  Speaker 1: in my mind. Fast forward to now. We've just put
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  Speaker 1: out Forever home and move in a month, and I
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  Speaker 1: looked at the location and thought, wow, I think it's
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  Speaker 1: close to her house. I put both addresses in the map,
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  Speaker 1: and we'll be living one hundred and eighty meters from
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  Speaker 1: each other. Wow goals. Honestly, I know living in the
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  Speaker 1: area that we were running to each other most days.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be awkward, and I just
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  Speaker 1: want things to be amicable. I also would not give
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  Speaker 1: up this house because of how close it will be
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  Speaker 1: to her. But my question is is it the right
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  Speaker 1: thing to do once we're in the house to go
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  Speaker 1: for a short walk and knock on her door and
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  Speaker 1: ask if she's up for a chat to talk things
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  Speaker 1: out and apologize for the things I said? Obviously it
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  Speaker 1: was both ways, and she said negative and hurtful things
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  Speaker 1: to me too. However, I can only control me and
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  Speaker 1: take ownership for the things I said, and hope that
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  Speaker 1: when and if we do see each other that it
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  Speaker 1: can be amicable. I feel this pool to apologize and
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  Speaker 1: be amicable has constantly been coming up for me in
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  Speaker 1: preparation for the move to this house. It's just coming
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  Speaker 1: up in the next few weeks. Thank you so much
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  Speaker 1: for your advice. Ladies, Ah love, they're so frigging much,
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  Speaker 1: the self awareness and the growth. And you know what,
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  Speaker 1: holding onto anger and resentment all it does is like
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  Speaker 1: keep you stuck, keep you angry, keeps you in a
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  Speaker 1: low vibration. So I think it's so beautiful that you
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  Speaker 1: want to do this, and I think one hundred percent, yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: maybe it would be a good idea to send her
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  Speaker 1: a message rather than just knocking on her door. I
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  Speaker 1: don't know her personality, but some people can be a
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  Speaker 1: bit taken back and she might be a bit overwhelmed. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: so could be a good idea to be like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: we haven't spoken, and you know, however long m I've
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  Speaker 1: been reflecting so much lately, and I really would love
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  Speaker 1: to apologize to you. We're actually living down the road
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  Speaker 1: from you. Do you think you'd be open for a chat?
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  Speaker 1: Maybe a message could be nice, But I'm just want
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  Speaker 1: to commend you on doing that. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible.
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  Speaker 2: It's so nice, and I think it's such a cool
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  Speaker 2: place that you're in. I truly believe this happens to
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  Speaker 2: everyone at some point, like everyone on their own timeline.
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  Speaker 2: Like even if you've always said this, I just I
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  Speaker 2: truly believe in it because I've seen it and I've
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  Speaker 2: also been through it myself where there have been times
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  Speaker 2: where you know, you have a falling out with somebody
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  Speaker 2: and then you know a year later, you'll reflect on
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  Speaker 2: it finally and you'll be like, oh my gosh, you
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  Speaker 2: know what, that's not the person that I am now,
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  Speaker 2: and I want to show up as the version of
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  Speaker 2: myself that I'm choosing to be today. So one amazing
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  Speaker 2: that you're one willing to take accountability. And two if
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  Speaker 2: you feel the pool like there's a reason for that,
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  Speaker 2: there's some kind of thing that you need to smooth
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  Speaker 2: over all that you need to come to in yourself,
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  Speaker 2: that's cle you. Yeah, to close the emotional loob that's
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  Speaker 2: telling you go and apologize, take ownership for your behavior.
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  Speaker 2: You know, as much as you've shown up in that relationship,
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  Speaker 2: Take accountability for your part, leave what's hers to take
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  Speaker 2: accountability for, and then like you can close the chapter
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  Speaker 2: and hopefully it does end amicably in the way that
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  Speaker 2: you want.
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  Speaker 1: So nice, And I also love that you said it's
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  Speaker 1: not about reconnecting, and you might and that might be
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  Speaker 1: beautiful as well. Sometimes friendships go on different paths, and
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  Speaker 1: I believe if you meant to come back together, you will. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: But also just going in with zero expectations because you
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  Speaker 1: don't know where she's at. She might not have had
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  Speaker 1: the space and capacity or put any energy into growing
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  Speaker 1: and reflecting, so she might still be feeling really hurt
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  Speaker 1: and angry and in her own timeline to go in
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  Speaker 1: there with no expectations. But I think we can always
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  Speaker 1: clean up our own lanes. And there's always two to tango.
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  Speaker 1: There's always two sides of the story. Absolutely, both sides
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  Speaker 1: only pretty true. What you've experienced, what you've felt in
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  Speaker 1: that moment is true. But I think this is really
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  Speaker 1: beautiful and I'm so glad you brought this in because
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  Speaker 1: I hope it inspires and leads other people to go,
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  Speaker 1: oh shit, Maybe I could say sorry, yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 1: where did I take part in that relationship as well.
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  Speaker 2: I do like what you said though about sending the message.
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  Speaker 2: I think sending messages gives people time to sit with
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  Speaker 2: what is being said, especially if it was something that
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  Speaker 2: was hurtful or Friendship breakdowns can be really confronting. For
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  Speaker 2: a lot of people, I know they are. For me,
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  Speaker 2: it's a lot. It takes a lot of emotional capacity
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  Speaker 2: to maturity those you know, so to be able to
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  Speaker 2: sit with it. Give her time to process it. Maybe
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  Speaker 2: she needs twenty four hours to even respond to the message.
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  Speaker 2: Allow her that time. And even if you just come
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  Speaker 2: into it with a hey, I want to ask permission,
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  Speaker 2: is this okay to open this conversation up? But like,
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  Speaker 2: there's a few things I want to get off my
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  Speaker 2: chest about what happened way back when. And you can
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  Speaker 2: even say this isn't for me about reconnecting. I just
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  Speaker 2: want to like have a conversation about it. I think
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  Speaker 2: people really appreciate that.
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  Speaker 1: I think that message too. I would add it in
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  Speaker 1: there that you want to apologize, because I think if
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  Speaker 1: you just said I want to get things off my cha,
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  Speaker 1: she might be like, oh my gosh, she's going to
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  Speaker 1: come and attack. Yeah, and like get upset for what
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  Speaker 1: I've said. But yeah, just like I just want to
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  Speaker 1: take ownership for my part in the breakdown and I
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  Speaker 1: mean doing reflecting and I do feel bad. I want
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  Speaker 1: to apologize because you deserve that. I think most people
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  Speaker 1: will be pretty open to that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so too.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you just knock on her door, she
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  Speaker 1: might be overwhelmed. Yeah, and might not be ready to
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  Speaker 1: hear it either.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Crazy, how close you guys in life?
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  Speaker 2: What are the chances? And you never know, you never
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  Speaker 2: know what will happen. But I think this is a
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  Speaker 2: really good olive branch to overcome what's happened in the past,
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  Speaker 2: and also a way for you to let go of
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  Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're holding onto. Could be hurt,
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  Speaker 2: could be a rithmbmant be past pain, whatever it is.
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  Speaker 2: Like this recently happened to me, like this year, where
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  Speaker 2: an old friend of mine reached out and that had
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  Speaker 2: this conversation. That's why I believe everyone in their own timeline,
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  Speaker 2: because when everyone has a realization of have it is,
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  Speaker 2: they've shown up. I feel like people, for the most part,
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  Speaker 2: at least now, are willing to take accountability for it
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  Speaker 2: and are willing to be open about it.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if I fully believe it yet.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you haven't seen it and I've had enough evidence.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah that's fair.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, But I do believe sometimes too, not just necessarily
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  Speaker 1: with fall out, that some friendships just grow apart for
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  Speaker 1: a season. Like I remember, Megsie and I had a
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  Speaker 1: couple of years where we weren't that close. Same with
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  Speaker 1: Nadine and I. Same with Beth and I. Beth moved
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  Speaker 1: to Canada and I didn't really see or speak to
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  Speaker 1: her for like two or three years. And the moment
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  Speaker 1: she moved back to Australia, we just picked off where
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  Speaker 1: we left off.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Love that.
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  Speaker 1: And then Nadine she went through a divorce and she
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  Speaker 1: went out partying and just single and traveling and doing
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  Speaker 1: a thing. And I had just had a new baby,
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  Speaker 1: so we were just on different totally different lives difference, yeah, lifestyles.
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  Speaker 1: So we didn't speak that much and then got really
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  Speaker 1: close again. I've been close ever since. And the Megsie Like,
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  Speaker 1: but when you've got that beautiful foundation, if you meant
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  Speaker 1: to come back together, you will.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Just like being flexible and adaptable to that and just
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  Speaker 1: flowing with the seasons and not trying to force things.
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  Speaker 1: I really commend you for taking responsibility. Yeah, it's a
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  Speaker 1: beautiful trait. Yeah, and it would be lucky to have
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  Speaker 1: you as a friend, beautiful and you'd create so much
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  Speaker 1: safety for them to reflect and grow and apologize as well, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Because it only takes one person in a dynamic to
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  Speaker 2: change the dynamic. Yeah, and you're leading with courage, courage
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  Speaker 2: and vulnerability, and that's a really hard thing to do
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  Speaker 2: for a lot of vulnerability is uncomfortable. But if you
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  Speaker 2: can do it, and you can get comfortable doing it,
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  Speaker 2: you can be so fine when it.
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  Speaker 1: Comes to friendship. Literally spoke about this and the drive
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  Speaker 1: up how I don't know how the conversation came about
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  Speaker 1: just someone saying sorry and how hard it is for
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  Speaker 1: people to say sorry because most of us did not
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  Speaker 1: grow up having role models it said sorry, like, I
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  Speaker 1: don't think I've ever seen my parents say sorry to
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  Speaker 1: each other or to ask for anything. So growing up,
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  Speaker 1: I realized how hard it was for me to own
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  Speaker 1: my stuff and say sorry. And it's only like the
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  Speaker 1: last couple of years yeah that I've gotten a lot
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  Speaker 1: better at it, but it still brings up that initial
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  Speaker 1: like it feels foreign. And I apologize to my kids
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  Speaker 1: all the time because I wanted to feel normal and
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  Speaker 1: natural that when you make a mistake it's like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
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  Speaker 2: I fuck. I didn't think, Yeah, it's like, of course,
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  Speaker 2: that's how we respect we want to make amends and
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  Speaker 2: it's okay to own that. Yeah, it doesn't mean that
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  Speaker 2: anything's wrong or you're bad, or it doesn't there's no
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  Speaker 2: meaning attached to it's just like, oh no, of.
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  Speaker 1: Course, we're all humans. We're so messy. We all make mistakes,
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  Speaker 1: we all react, we all do things we're not proud of,
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  Speaker 1: say things we don't mean. That's being humane. So with
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: love and update, if you can write in and let
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: us know how you go, whether you decide to message her,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: catch up with it, how she responds, how she receives it.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: We'd love for you to let us know. Oh my gosh,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: fill us in, wish are the best, and hopefully hear
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: from you soon.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Bye bye